


Twilight Set

by DreamFactory



Series: Virtual [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Also fluff, Angst, Gender neutral pronouns for reader, Gets darker later on, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, KH3 spoilers, Smut, Virtual World, gender neutral reader, idk here it is i guess, post kh3, so this happened, some Horror Elements further in, the smut happened, virtual world dating sim AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2019-10-23 22:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 77
Words: 205,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17692361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamFactory/pseuds/DreamFactory
Summary: With Virtual Reality finally perfected, and a program that made most any character able to be inserted for romantic visual novel style stories and interactions, you knew who you would try first. Even though you knew it wouldn't be an easy first outing.





	1. Introduction

**W e l c o m e**

  
**Please choose your path**

  
**|_______**

 

**Path: V a n i t a s**

 

**has been set**

 

_**S p a w n i n g** _

 

**|**

 

**|**

 

**...**

* * *

  
      
    You become aware in Twilight Town. Ah, a classic. Good place to be. But you have someone to find. If the program accepted your request, that meant he was an option, and alive in this iteration. You set ou- _already?!_  
      
    There he was, perched on a reclusive roof edge, looking for all the world like he was either observing like a hawk, or completely lost to his thoughts, not giving a single fuck. It was hard to tell, what with the helmet.  
      
    Alright. Options. Firstly, get your thirsty ass heart under control. It was one thing to observe a character though a screen, and root for them and love them. It was a whole other to actually see them. And realize you're going to interact with them dynamically. And to be afraid because _oops they're a villain in canon and hows this gonna go you gon' die that's what._ You wonder not for the first time why your heart picked this character.  
  
    With a steadying breath (ha ha, oh yeah, like that really helped) you head toward the stairs that would take you to that roof and ascend. _You're standing on the same roof._ Okay, take this easy. You know him, he doesn't know you. But because of that, you also know that just saying 'hi' wouldn't necessarily yield good resul-  
      
    "Are you going to stare all day?"  
  
    ...huh? _OH, FUCK ME-_  
  
    He stood and turned, with you in direct line of sight.  
  
    "Oh, I'm _sorry_ , is this _your_ roof?"  
  
    Sweet mother Mary he's talking to you. And he's just as much a derisive asshole as you expected. Wait, quick, respond!  
  
    "uh"  
  
    FUCK.  
  
    The slightest tilt of that helmet.  
  
    "Oh, do go on," a hand gesture,"I was so intrigued about how you came across the deed." Every word was dripping in derision. How did you respond to this? You underestimated how real the program was and how on the spot you would be. You knew he was being rhetorical, but all that came to mind was a response.  
  
    "Uh-under the doormat." Dead silence. "It was under the door mat."  
  
    Way too quiet. What have you done-  
  
    "Let's see it then." A step. And another.  
  
    Your brain went into overdrive. _okay he's going to kill me fuckfhfdkk that must be how he gets his kicks nowadays, fuck with the locals then kill them or something sSHIT_ okay. I accept death.  
  
    With the newfound confidence of being okay with being offed by Vanitas (read: program. read: will just respawn), you replied with more confidence.  
  
    "Oh, gee, sorry, I left it at home. Funny that. Ha hAh hA ha..." Damn it if you couldn't help the nervous laughter.  
  
    He had halved the distance between you before he stopped. A beat.  
  
    "What. A. _Shame._ "  
  
    A flurry of movement that you didn't even realize was happening until you were screaming reflexively and effectively knocked on your ass. It took you a second to breath again and get your bearings. Quickly, you scanned all around. He...was gone? Was he really? You waited to see if it was a trick. A minute passed. Okay, it _could_ still be a trick, but what were you going to do about it anyway?  
  
    Settling back down, you tried to relax and think about what just happened. ...Did...did he really just fuck with you and split? Is that...a thing he does to random people? I mean, it's not like that's out of character for him, and you supposed he was probably bored and purposeless in this post KH3 set. Then again, you didn't know how the program compensated how he was alive or what his life was like now. You knew you just needed to let it do its thing while you interacted. Those were basically the rules.  
  
    Now. The only way to progress the story was to find him again you supposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. I just don't know. So I've had this idea for a series that's basically all set in this magical VR set. A world where you can make anything you want to happen, and using it to live out all your character dating sim dreams. Basically an excuse to just spawn in an environment with a character and then go ham. Because hun, I'm not even going to try and pretend to set up characters and backstories and plots. Just give me an honest place where I can go ham with whoever I want just like that plz and thank. (this is absolutely trash, but it's fun trash for me, and if you enjoy it too in some way, cool)


	2. It's a Roof

    You were familiar with Twilight Town. Now, you were _very_ familiar with Twilight Town. You don't know what you expected, what with literally just being here to search for a specific character so you could say...something that's not 'hi.' No, definitely not 'hi.' Something much more sophisticated, like 'hello.'

 

    Not that you minded Twilight Town. The place was very pretty, but- _again?!_ Rooftops! That must be the secret! You were destined to meet on rooftops! Wait. Plan of attack. How can you make this go better ah fuck it. Up to the roof you went, determined to just casually say 'hello, nice roof isn't it?' or some such and get on with it.

 

    Here you were again. Different roof, same scenario. Except he was standing already this time and you were determined to actually talk to him.

 

    "Hello. Nice roof, eh?" Good, that was brilliant! High marks!

 

    "And you seem determined to ruin it."

 

    Okay, you can work with this. "Hey now, I'm just a fellow roof goer, like you. I'm /Name/, by the way. You?"

 

    "...No."

 

    "...what."

 

   "I'm not /Name/."

 

    Your brain backtracked. Oh, a smartassary. That's what just happened. You cover your mouth to contain a laugh at the fact that he was even _being_ a smartass with you.

 

    "Okay, fine. You're not /Name/. Are you going to make me guess? Is that my only clue?"

 

    "Are you going to keep being an annoyance?" The helmet turned to you slightly. Not even looking at you and still so rude.

 

    You thought over your options. You didn't want him to leave by being quoteunquoteannoying. Would it be too risky if you just shut up and went and sat by the edge with him? Your brain immediately showed you a clip of him using the opportunity to kick you off the roof. Wheeelp. Risk, reward, with this one you supposed. And you enacted your brilliant plan of sitting quietly to watch the sunset. It  _was_ pretty. You wondered why Vanitas watched it. You figured he would rather watch a tsunami while laughing maniacally.

 

    Without even sparing you a glance,"What are you doing?" He sounded offendfused. Confusefended.

 

    "Sitting. You should try it, it's nice."

 

    You heard the slightest huffhmph noise. Or was it the wind? Exactly 1.5 seconds passed before he turned on heel and walked away. You heard an "annoyance" uttered just loud enough for you to hear, and you knew it was on purpose. It would be a bad move to try and stop him, you knew that very deeply. And so you sat. The sunset reflecting in your eyes, and your brain reflecting on how much tamer an interaction that was. Progress???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally just a thing my brain farts out as words. BUT HERE IT IS YA'LL.


	3. Interaction Peak

    The woods were a good place to-was that a blue cat-oh flip dicks. You wondered where they were. Aaaand now there's more. This was a problem, considering you were still an average joe here, without a keyblade or any kind of realish life monster combat training. You only had the sage advice of a wise man who once said,

 

    RUN, BITCH.

 

    So run you did! In a mad sprint to avoid figuring out the particulars of respawning and what that entailed, you saw a flash of a very familiar boot disappear behind a tree. _That bitch bastard._ Oh, but what did you expect? ...this, really. This is what you expected.

 

    The trek back through the waterways to town was much longer than you thought it was. Marathon runner you were not. Luckily, the well populated areas did seem to be safe for the moment. How were you going to deal with this though? If Vanitas was spawning unversed here...well, honestly, you still didn't know how much control he had over them currently. The fact was, he was in the woods, and unversed were in the woods, and he probably saw you and booked it because of a 'not this bitch again' type of reason.

 

    One thing was for certain. You needed ice cream. Settling down into a nice secluded alley so you could have your /favorite flavor/ ice cream in peace, you-

 

    "You're following me. **Why**?"

 

    Oh, bitch tits. Of _course_ you wouldn't get a moment of peace when you actually wanted it. You quickly stood up.

 

    "Uh, what? Wait, I'm not following you, are you sure you're not following me?"

 

   Your brain was suddenly trying to register a lot of things at once. "Don't play dumb," came at you though the haze of 'OUCHIE ALARM' and 'oh, we're doing this.' Vanitas had you pinned to the alley wall with one hand grasping your neck and the other with Void Gear at the ready. And really, you had to thank your brain, because behind the forefront of 'if he squeezes any tighter we're actually going to suffocate, red alert, not a drill, holy fuck, dying' was a tiny voice that went,'Heyyyyyy. This man really is as ripped lean as he looks.' And you must have spent too long on that because Vanitas throttled you against the wall again and holy fuck it really did hurt. You couldn't help a choked cry.

 

" **Answer. Me.** "

 

    Anything to make the ouchie stop. You spoke as well as you could through his grip,"I don't know what you mean, and I'm not following you." You took in as much air as you could. "And it's hard to answer like this."

 

    You didn't like how pathetic you looked in the visor's reflection. It was in the forefront of your vision without much else to see, and it only made your fear worse. Vanitas didn't care a scrap for how he was treating you, and carried on.

 

    "I'm supposed to believe all of that was coincidence? Don't make me laugh."

 

    You would love to make him laugh actually. That would be a far cry from this disaster, with the disdain in his voice so thick you wondered how _he_ wasn't chocked. You really didn't know what to do, so you looked where you assumed his eyes were, and just became painfully honest.

 

    "I thought you looked cool. I'm sorry?"

 

    No response. Oh god, you were actually going to find out what happened in a respawn.

 

    Then he dropped you. You were free.

 

   Choking and gagging for air, overwhelming relief washed over you. 

 

    "Pathetic."

 

    And he was gone.

 

* * *

**Vanitas used his dark portal to arrive back at a secluded area of the woods.**

**There was no way that pathetic whelp was telling the truth.**

**Yet he could tell he wouldn't get anything more out of them.**

**He could only remember seeing them thrice, but he knew they were familiar.**

**That meant something was going on.**

**And this could be just the lead he was looking for.**

**Vanitas grinned.**


	4. Friend!

    Well. That _really_ could have gone better. Thank God you were in a video game and could just buy potions for your Big Ows. And Big Ows they were, Jiminy Christmas. You knew it would be difficult, but now you were thinking maybe you underestimated _how_ difficult. Just a smidge. A tad. You definitely needed that R&R now, so you could think this over.

 

    Situating yourself in a Hello World Very Public Don't Attack Me area with a fresh ice cream, you thought about what it was you were actually trying to achieve. Why did you come here? What was your true purpose? You come here to...well, it boiled down to trying to befriend Vanitas. Which, HOO BOY, would be a feat. You had the ouchies to prove it.

 

    Alright! It was time to really up your game, streamline in, go hard! 'Yeah!' you thought to yourself, paying no mind to the people giving you the side eye because you were doing strange masculine gestures suddenly. It was time to officially launch operation...! Operation... Become Friends With Vanitas Cuz Dat Boi Need Fren. BFWVCDBNF! **Perfect.**

 

    Now, he may have just throttled you, and was clearly in a bad mood, but you were reinvigorated and determined! You set off at once to...uh...enact BFWVCDBNF! Was it a bad idea to blatantly say to his face,'I've decided to become your friend!' the next time you saw him? Probably. But you couldn't help it. It was the truth. The gosh darn honest truth, and he would just have to deal with that.

 

    You pranced through town toward the woods, because you felt like there was a 75% Vanitas sighting chance there right now. 'This is a terrible idea!' you thought to yourself merrily, mid skip.

 

    Ah, the woods. 'pleasedon'tspawnunversedpleasedon'tspawnunversed.' You'd really rather avoid Le Grand Marathon again. Heading further in, you heard a very familiar sound, and you couldn't help an aggravated grunt. Well, you shouldn't be rude.

 

    "HELLO, BOYS!"

 

    And instead of running back out, you ran further in, because you were 110% committed to your mission (and you already had some sneaky potions as a backup, shh, don't tell). Eventually, after a nice jaunty jog (read: KILL YOU), you were well in the clear and collapsed to catch your breath.

 

    After, you sat and looked at the light through the leaves. So peaceful-

 

   "Well, well. Look who's 'not following me.'"

 

    Enter Vanitas. Just as planned. ...right?

 

    "Did you follow me all the way out here just to insist on that? Or maybe...you're here to 'fess up."

 

    That's Void Gear at your neck and you're still sitting. I think it's obvious who holds the power here (you, duh). Time for honesty. An unstrangled heart-to-heart.

 

    "Yes, I did follow you this time. Because I've decided something," you announced proudly.

 

    "Oh? What's that?"

 

    He was unimpressed now, but just you wait. You inhaled.

 

    "Vanitas! You and I are friends!" You pointed back and forth between him and yourself to emphasize your point, wearing a big happy grin at having finally said it.

 

    Silence. So much silence. And stillness. Oh god, did the program freeze-

 

    Laughter. Big, melodramatic, condescending laughter. You...you did it! You made Vanitas laugh! Sure, it was a humorless laugh filled with the contempt of a thousand burning suns. But laughter!

 

    "You don't understand what's going on here, do you? You really are just _that_ stupid. Huh."

 

    He lowered his keyblade. Did...did he just mark you as a complete non-threat? I mean, it was accurate, but... Wait. Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. He was just standing and staring at you, looking for all the world both like a docile kitten watching something fun, and like the brother kitten who was crouched in the shadows about to completely destroy and rip that 'something fun' a new one. This man was a paradox.

 

    Is...is he waiting for you to do something? You spoke the first thing that came to mind, a happy and honest,

 

    "Cool! I'm glad you accept our friendship!"

 

    For some inexplicable reason, you just _knew_ he was thinking. He was dun' thunkin' rull hard. Your clever boy was havin' a deep thunk.

* * *

**Vanitas knew there was a connection.**

**Somewhere buried deep in that skull was what he needed.**

**He very heavily considered beating it out of them.**

**But he also knew from experience that even if someone was the key...**

_**They** _ **didn't necessarily know that.**

**He needed to stay close to this person for when the time came.**

**When he would get his answers.**

**This was something he could do from the shadows.**

**Watching from the dark and waiting for the moment to strike.**

**He was very good at that.**

**But...**

**With the way they were looking at him...**

**Like they actually _cared._**

**It made him _sick._  
**

**And yet considering that, he felt he might get his answers sooner if he could get close to this person.**

**Play the part.**

**The question was if he _could_.**

**He _could_ also be patient and wait from the shadows.**

**He didn't _want_ to be patient.**

**Oh, he would play the part.**

**Why did _Vanitas_ of all creatures have to be worried about not being able to pull it off?**

**He had nothing to lose.**

* * *

 

 

    You waited patiently for him to turn over whatever it was he was turning over in his head. Maybe massacre. Maybe that was his happy place. You wondered.

 

    "If..." It sounded like he was testing out his own words. You waited in wonder at what he would say.

 

    "If we were...FRieNds," he seemed to have difficultly with that word in this context, and you knew why.

 

    "Would you...show me your favorite place?"

 

    That was...oddly specific- _WAIT. Vanitas isn't beating you up and is actually talking to you?!_ W **h** a **t**...is this _sorcery?!_ Oh, wait, he asked you a question.

 

    "UhHh." Ignore the voice crack, it never happened. "I-I mean, yeah! Of course! That's something friends do! That we shall do! Because  _we_ are friends!"

 

     You had your own quick thunk about what your favorite place was, and concurred it was the mansion. You briefly considered Sunset Hill because you could watch the sunset _and_ the trains _and_ it was on a hill and hills are DOPE, but in your heart of hearts knew you liked the mansion more. And the mansion wasn't super public, which would probably better propagate the friendshipping. Oh my gosh, the friendshipping is happening. _Oh_. The friendshipping  _is **happening.**_

 

    "The mansion!" you blurbed, unaware of how long you had been thinking to yourself and hoping it wasn't more than a decent handful of seconds.

 

    "That rundown pile of rub-..." He cut himself off. You could've sworn you saw his chest inhale more than usual before he spoke again. "The mansion. Sounds... **lovely.** "

 

    He was trying so hard to play nice suddenly. It sent off alarm bells. Alarm bells that you quickly stuffed in a hefty bag and threw into the ocean of your mind. 

 

    "Yeah! Let's go!"

 

    You merrily marched toward the mansion and what was certainly not mutually assured destruction.

 

    "Where are you going?"

 

    "Uh...? The mansion?"

 

    "It's that way, _idiot._ "

 

    You _knew_ he meant it meanly. You _heard_ very clearly that he meant it meanly. You _knew_ him and knew he meant it meanly. So why did your brain sing?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time, the mansion I guess? so I listened to KH3's Unbreakable Chains while looking at the Vanitas render that's currently on my KH calendar, and then over 1000 words happened. Yay!?


	5. Ha ha, it's just a computer

    The walk to the mansion was peaceful. And by peaceful, you meant dead silent. Vanitas was definitely the kind of guy who traveled in dead silence. Would it be bad if you did what he would probably consider pestering? Or would you get more brownie points for silence? You already knew what the answer was, but you weren't going to get anywhere like this. You decided to compromise. Like a smart adult. You would ask exactly (1) question.

 

    "What would you consider to be the _best_ color?" You looked toward him for his answer, much like a puppy looking at a treat.

 

    "...Color?" He went quiet for a moment. Oh, he had to think about it. You understood and gave him time.

 

    "Red. Red beats every other color there is."

 

    Of _course_ red beat up all the other colors for him. You honestly couldn't blame red. You might too.

 

    "Yeah, red's cool. ...I like /favorite color/," you helpfully supplied, because you knew he wouldn't ask, nor care. Might as well throw it out there then. Let it drift along the wind with his red. Beautiful.

 

    It went silent again, and you wondered if he was internally biting down snarky replies, or if his center was currently at ease just from a sheer amount of not giving a fuck. You almost admired that about him.

 

    The mansion was as grand as ever. Run down, but you still saw how pretty it was. You immediately headed inside, hoping to all hope that he followed and didn't ditch you, as you were sure he was probably want to do.

 

    Oh, he did follow. That's just lovely. Swell. Tubular.

 

   "Why do you come here?"

 

    Oh look, he even asked a question. Isn't this just great? Well, if it was information he wanted, it was information you would supply.

 

   "This place is neat-o! ...have you _seen_ it?!" You gestured all about the place, showing off its splendor.

 

    "Is that...it?" What, did he need more?

 

    You thought to yourself. "Hmm. Well, this place has some really weird, cool stuff in it. There's an amazingly white room, another room that's super mysterious because it just has a broken table in it, that's ominous. OH, and don't get me  _started_ on the 'library'!"

 

    You knew the reasons most of those things were like that, but you weren't suppose to. Which led to acting the bystander being surprisingly fun.

 

    "Why the library?"

 

    Well, look who's interested?

 

    "Dude, lemme show you." You booked it to the library probably faster than was necessary, but you were excited! Besides, it's not like he had trouble keeping up or probably cared at all. So you could book it all you want!

 

    Bursting through the door, you immediately gestured at its oddity. "See?! What's the point of all these books if you can't even _reach_ them?!" You proclaimed passionately, gesturing between the books and the very not there floor.

 

    Vanitas silently walked over to the statue on the shelf and used it. There was the floor again. But...he wasn't supposed to know that?! You stared, befuddled.

 

    "I've been here before. I thought you might show me something different, but so far you've been useless."

 

    You were silent. You had no response to that. Then your brain caught up.

 

    "Wait, you've been here before? Then that means you already know how dope this place is! And you even seem to know more than I do! Really, you should be showing _me_ around." Okay, good cover. Keep up the act.

 

    He used the statue again. "There." He pointed to the door to the underground computer stuff. "What do you know about _that?_ "

 

    Okay, tread carefully. "That? That's just the underground computer and weird machines. Typical mansion stuff." You waved your hand dismissively.

 

    "Really?" You were concerned about how he extended that word and sounded so happy about it. "Then why don't we give it an extra look, _friend_ _?_ " He already had his arm locked around your shoulders and was practically dragging you with him. No, that's wrong. He was just dragging you. Dragging that you complied to, but whatever.

 

   You were panicking a little bit, and you had no idea why. This is fine. Just play it cool. It's  _fine._

 

    In the computer room, Vanitas pulled a dead stop at the computer. He also still kept you firmly attached to him. No, you're not secretly lapping that up. You're not. ...you are.

 

    "Have you ever gotten anything out of that?" He used his other arm to point to the computer.

 

    You were starting to sweat. Oh god, your cover. It's slipping. Fuckfuck _fuck._ You dared a glance at his helmet. He was very clearly looking straight at you. Watching keenly for your response. With him being so close, you really felt like he probably already had you pinned. I mean, he kind of _did_ have you pinned in a sense-now is not the time for that! You needed to cover your ass!

 

    "Alright, I confess! I've been trying to get information out of that thing forever, but it always alludes me! Look, don't judge me. You're clearly curious about it too!" 

 

    You really really really really _really_ hoped Ienzo was as smart as he seemed and locked this terminal back up after it wasn't needed anymore. Oh, please. Please let that be a thing.

 

    "So you're a failure." He removed his arm, but was still facing you.

 

    Ohhhh, bless the sweet lords, maybe he fell for it. Now to just keep it up.

 

    "Hey! That's not very..."

 

    " _Nice?_ It's true. Should I lie?"

 

    "Well-I-that's! I don't see you doing any better! Let's see _you_ get into it!"

 

    Oh god no why did you say that what if he actually tried and it worked.

 

     "Hmph. Forget it."

 

    He started to walk away. Thhaaannn-wait, don't look too relieved. Now that you didn't have a halo of death hovering over you and could think again, you realized some things. Like why he asked if _you_ had gotten something out of it. Like he already tried. Which meant it was probably locked like you hoped. Now you were really relieve-wait, don't show it. Ironclad facade. Facadefacadefacade. 

 

    "Are you coming, Useless?"

 

    Vanitas had stopped in the doorway that led back out. He was...waiting for you? And was 'Useless' your _pet **naME**_ -alright, calm down.

 

    "Uh...yeah?" Was about all you could manage.

 

    "Then _hurry up. Tsk._ " He was already walking away.

 

    Hurry you did. Outside the mansion, he apparently decided he'd had enough of you, and fucking vanished with a blunt and angry sounding,"Later." Okay. That was actually good. You needed time to process all that just happened to you. You couldn't get back to town to devour more ice cream fast enough.

* * *

**This was getting him nowhere.**

**He had already thoroughly searched everywhere he could find on this useless pile of scrap they call a world.**

**His dear _friend_ wasn't leading him anywhere.**

**Yet.**

**He still had an uncanny feeling about them.**

**He hated it.**

**They were fun enough to taunt, but if he had to spend any extended time with them he knew he would end up attacking them.**

**That wasn't conductive to his goal.**

**Instead, he warped as far out into the endless woods as he could.**

**Letting as many unversed spawn as he wanted, he would make sure this area wouldn't get away with anything more than destroyed.**

**He set to work.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have taken some liberties with the mansion, because I don't 100% remember all the details, but you get the point, right? I'm also really glad that people actually seem to enjoy this fic, it's a big motivator, so thank you all for reading! :D I love getting comments, so you don't have to worry about being shy, but no pressure or anything!


	6. Not Easy

    After having a chill evening with your ice cream, you decided to spend the night here for once. Can you say 'invested'? ...I knew you could. The honest truth was that you were so deep in at this point that you just didn't want to bother disconnecting right now. Whatever sped up and simulated sleep cycle the program would give you would surely progress the story by forwarding it to the next day ASAP.

 

    So, here you were, at a decent looking inn, handing out some of your pocket munny to stay the night. You would worry about potentially having to farm munny from jobs later. After you ran out. Which wasn't now. So it was fine.

 

    A standard and decent looking little inn-esque room. You slammed yourself on the bed, relaxing into a nice simulated sleep.

 

    ...

 

    You awake feeling refreshed, like a new born fawn at a babbling brook. You sit up and take in your room. It wasn't all that bad all things considered. Standard bed, standard bed side desk thing, Vanitas.

 

    ...Vanitas.

 

    HeC _K t_ **hE** N _a **n**_ i F _Uc **K?!?!**_ You leapt from your bed, a cat doused in water. What is he doing here?! I mean, you're not undressed or anything, but he's just standing there like he was creepily watching you sleep like that's perfectly normal!

 

    "It's about time. I was getting ready to flip the mattress."

 

    Uh huh, oh yeah, start a conversation like this is totally normal.

 

    "What are you doing in my room?!" You most definitely did not screech at him and asked in a totally normal tone of voice.

 

    " _This_ is where you live?" He ignored your inquiry completely.

 

    You sputtered in indignation. "I-first off-that's...!" You didn't even know where to begin.

 

    "Hurry up, you're wasting time."

 

    He walked out like he expected you to follow him. You did follow him. To yell at him about manners.

 

    "Okay, no no nonononononono. You can't just show up in my room, watch me sleep like a creeper, _insult_ my room on top of it, and just expect to get away with that!"

 

    "How well do you know Twilight Town?"

 

    "No no no no, you're not breezing past that, _mister!_ Explain yourself!" If you were now in town and making a bit of a scene, neither of you cared.

 

    "You were taking forever to wake up. What is there to _explain?_ " He still sounded mostly calm, but there was a building aggravation under the surface.

 

    You stopped.

 

    "Wait...Vanitas..." Did he really not know that that's weird?

 

    He immediately stiffened when you used his name. You felt a deep instinct that you fucked up.

 

    He roughly grabbed the front of your shirt and then you were toppling through darkness. You roughly landed and rolled on the ground, adrenaline surging. You barely had time to register you were back in the woods before he ripped you from the ground and slammed you against a tree, forearm  _and_ Void Gear at your neck, oh he was  _pissed_. 

 

    "I never told you my _name_ ," he growled out slowly. "You used it before too. Right here. I was too distracted by your seeming idiocy at the time to notice, but now I've caught you red handed and you're going to tell me _everything._ "

 

    You could actually _feel_ the hate radiating off him. You had no time to wonder if that was a darkness thing because you were too terrified. You couldn't look away from a seething glare you felt you could see.

 

    This was it. You followed your dumb heart instead of your head and it completely fucked you. You had no explanation for this. Seconds ticked by, taking forever and not long enough.

 

    "I'm _waaaitiiinng_ ," he taunted.

 

    Everything became blurry. Oh god, youwerenotcrying youwerenotcrying youwerenotcrying.

 

    "Oh, _please_. Spare me the pathetic act. Start talking before I make this a lot harder for you." He applied more pressure with his arm.

 

    You were laid bare. You had nothing. All you could do was a pathetic sob of the truth.

 

    "I honestly can't say." There it was. You were defeated.

 

    "You _can_ , and you _will_." He was growing impatient. "Do I have to spell out what will happen if you _don't?_ "

 

    You had nothing. You were drained. Numb. You _couldn't_ tell him. For his own protection, _you couldn't tell him._

 

    "I see how it is."

 

    You hit the ground hard again and looked up just in time to see his keyblade raised to strike. Everything ran through your mind at once and all you felt was panic. Everything darkened.

 

* * *

 

You became aware again inside the ether of the Virtual Space.

 

**You are not on an ideal path**

 

**Would you like to load from a checkpoint?**

 

Your

 

**s a v e**

**f i l e s**

 

swam around you.

 

The obvious answer was 'YES PLEASE OH GOD YES,' but is that _really_ want you wanted to do? You had to go over your options.

 

   If you stayed on this path, was there even a way out of it? What on earth kind of explanation could you even give to Vanitas? Nothing that was the truth. The closest you could get was a cop out 'I don't know why, I just know, I'm just as confused as you.'

 

   No, that wouldn't work _or_ be the type of answer you were willing to give. So what about spawning just outside the inn? Except this time you wouldn't use his name. ...But then, he mentioned you also used it in the woods. Did you have to go that far back? Could you risk him remembering? Because he clearly would. And you were willing to bet it would be sooner than later.

 

Could you get him to tell you his name? But at what point could you do that, and what would have to change?

 

This was too much.

 

You had to make a decision.

 

You sadly brought forward the file from the woods, at the first name call.

 

**Is this your desire?**

 

**Y E** **S**

 

 

**Accepted**

 

_**S p a w n i n g** _

 

 

**|**

 

**|**

 

**...**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *while running away* I didn't say this would be easy! In fact, I said the exact opposite!


	7. Back to Happy(?)

    Your heart hurt. But you just had to not say his name and make everything else essentially the same. You could do this. Consider it your great act. You spawned at the woods in the intended time. Played your role.

 

    But then reality broke.

 

**Would you like to initiate _fast-forward_?**

 

excuse me

 

Ex. Cuse. ME?

 

SURE WHY NOT

 

**Command accepted**

 

The world plummeted.

 

* * *

 

 

     "How well do you know Twilight Town?"

 

    HEEEeeeeeyyyyy...what? You're back? Here? Wait. Did it...could the system...do that? Change one tiny thing and then just keep everything else the same? But that means...

 

    Everything you went through...all the internal strife at thinking you'd lost your progress...and not knowing if you could keep everything else the same since it seemed to work so well before...grieving that iteration of Vanitas...

 

    Oh.

 

    It was all for nothing.

 

    "What? Are you seriously going to lecture me over _that?_ "

 

    Your 'hella pissed livid' was showing on your face, then. At this point, you didn't care. You opened your mouth to scream 'Vanitas!' at Vanitas, just to fuck the system and rant how mad you were at it, but you didn't go through with it. This was your burden, not Vanitas'. You wouldn't cause another reset and subsequent wiping of another Vanitas from existence.

 

    At least it seemed like you had a reason to be pissed and it wasn't out of nowhere from his perspective.

 

    "Whatever," you grumbled under your breath, walking past him. You needed to _move._ Do something else. "What was it you wanted to do?"

 

    He kept stride with you like nothing happened. Well...'kept stride.' It hadn't escaped your notice that he always had to be at least slightly ahead. In front, whether by in front front, or just an inch, it was apparently where he needed to be. Guess it was a 'Vanitas Thing.' Oh god, did you really just call it a Vanitas Thing?  _Moving on._

 

   "How long have you lived in Twilight Town?"

 

    Oh, you saw his game. From a hot sand slapped MILE away. He was testing you. Time to disappoint.

 

    "What? What do you mean? You think I was raised in the woods or something? Hah hah, very funny." Just an innocent with no knowledge of outside worlds or anything.

 

    "Are you sure?" He stopped to squarely look at you. You stopped and squared right back.

 

    " _Yes._ Why are you being so weird?"

 

    "You're lying."

 

    You let your surprise and confusion show on your face, because if you stopped it, he would've been right. Thankfully such a reaction fit the situation well enough.

 

    He continued,"You look like you clearly still live in the woods." And then he was walking again.

 

    Well played, Vanitas. Well played. You sputtered in mock offense and caught up.

 

    "I-You! Oh yeah, if I'm a wood dweller, then what are you? Why don't you take off your mask and show me?" A very bold play indeed, but if he wanted to go, you could _go._

 

    "You first."

 

    "That doesn't even make any sense."

 

    "Doesn't it?"

 

    You just gave him an exasperfused look. Super consperated. Not that it mattered, since most of the time he couldn't be bothered to look in your general direction. He had two modes, and they were 'you don't even exist to me, speck' and 'I'm watching your every detail like a hungry falcon.' Was there an in-between? Who knows. Maybe you'll get there some day.

 

    "As I was saying. You're going to show me something." _That_ wasn't ominous as hell.

 

    "...Could you be a little more specific?"

 

    "No. That's your job."

 

    You squinted at him real hard. You really put the effort into it.

 

    "Could you speak _normally_ _?_ Just for a hot sec. I'd really appreciate it."

 

    He stopped and then you two were of become the square again once more. You were starting to like the square.

 

    "Pick a place. We'll go there."

 

    Oooooh. He _could_ use his words for non-crypto-currency.

 

    "Oh. Well, why didn't you just say so? Lemme think..." Was this the time? Was it Sunset Hill debut? Or should you just take him to the underground tunnels, a la boring time?

 

    ...Sunset Hill it is.

 

    "Dude, Sunset Hill is great. Let's go there."

 

    "Fine. I'll meet you there." He started walking away again.

 

    "Uh, whuh? We're not going together?"

 

    "Someone like you? You couldn't keep up."

 

    Vanitas took off like a wound up racehorse on steroids.

 

    "WHATTHE?"

 

    You broke into a sprint in a desperate attempt to catch up. It would've been great to prove him wrong. Alas, halfway there, you'd lost site of him and were already out of breath from trying to go at such a breakneck speed. You did not acknowledge that he was right. You did confess that, damn, he be a fast one. You collapsed through the door of the tram and lied there. People could stare all they want, the apocalypse could happen and you weren't moving.

 

    "Are you...okay?" Random passenger #87 with a lime green shirt asked.

 

    "I'm gReAt."

 

    Luckily they left you alone until you recovered and took a proper seat. Of all the things about Twilight Town, you did indeed love the trams. Looking at the scenery while peacefully being taken where you want to go was a great change from all the walking you were used to. You thought about the fact that this particular tram ride was to go meet with Vanitas, and your heart did this thing that wasn't quite skipping a beat, but it was something.

 

    Further thinking on it, you also had doubts about whether or not he would actually be there. You were still barely at acquaintance level with him and had no idea what he would do at any given time. All you could do was keep a chipper attitude about it. You'd get there eventually. ...You hoped.

 

    The tram stopped and you took a leisurely pace to the hill. Because damned if that bitch was gonna make you run like that ever again. It seemed to be a thing he did (coughVanitasThing?cough), and you were quite done with it.

 

    You arrived at the hill in record leisure time, you were sure. Hot diddly dickens, there he was. With the red light of the sun cast all around him, you really noticed for the first time how well it complimented him. There was something poetic about the sunset being reflected in his vizor. The red light dipping into the grooves of the red and black of his suit. You didn't care if there were stars in your eyes, you admired the view.

 

    "That was slow, even for _you._ "

 

    The snark wrapped everything up in a perfect bow. You shook your head to clear it.

 

    "Yeah, well, if we just come here together in the first place, you wouldn't've had to wait."

 

    "I wasn't waiting."

 

    "Then what were you doing? Oh, right, sorry, you wouldn't've had to 'admire the sunset so long' if you hadn't run off like a professional sprinter." You decided to hit him with a compliment. "Listen. You're very fast and you've successfully shown that off." TAKE THAT, BITCH. "But are you going to make a habit of it?"

 

    "I wouldn't have to if you weren't so _slow."_

 

    "There's nothing wrong with taking a walk from point A to point B, you know?"

 

    His head turned to you. "There is if it's with _you._ " He quickly turned away again, like that wasn't supposed to slip out and he was pretending it never happened.

 

    He had sounded like he genuinely hates you. Your chest hurt, along with that not quite beat skip again. It was very confusing. You had no idea what was up with your heart at the moment.

 

    You tried to wipe the hurt off quickly. You didn't know why it suddenly hurt like this, you knew he hated you. He hated most everyone. That was kind of his thing. This was expected.

 

    "Ha ha, okay, okay, if you like your walks/sprints of aloneness that much, don't let me stop you."

 

    You were thankful for the minute of silence where you could get your bearings. You gazed at the sunset, aware of Vanitas standing only a few feet away. If you had dared a glance at him then, you might've noticed how his fists were clenched.

 

    Deciding to lighten the mood, you spoke your mind.

 

    "Hey, I was thinking about how red is your favorite color, and came to the conclusion that you must love this spot. You can really get a sense for the color of the sunset here."

 

    He didn't responded. You finally looked back at him.

 

    "Am I wrong?"

 

    "This world is..." He spoke very quietly, you had to focus to hear.

 

    You could've sworn he said something about worlds, and your heart thumped, wanting to speak honestly with him. But you couldn't do that. So instead, you continued to play your part.

 

    "What? What was that? Was that a 'yes, /Name/, I love this spot, isn't it great?'" You tried to make your voice sound like his, with more or less success.

 

    He huffed. "Why did _you_ choose it?"

 

    Your mind immediately went to the 'myth' about the mysterious train. You didn't know if it was a good idea to tell him about that. Or if he even knew it already. Maybe a compromise.

 

    You pointed to the tracks down below that led off into the woods, seemingly to nowhere. "I like how you can see the tracks from so far away. There's a clear view of a lot up here."

 

    "Where do those lead?"

 

    Uh oh. Gulp. Just stick to your citizen script.

 

    You paused, like you had to think about it. "You know, that's weird. I don't know a tram line that goes that way. Maybe they built it for future reference, like if they wanted to build out there."

 

    " _I see._ "

 

    He sounded like he really did see. Like he found out a thing. Oh nooooooo. You were trying to be so vague, too. Should've known better with Vanitas you supposed. Too late now.

 

    "I've seen enough of this place."

 

    And he's gone? You wondered if it was an okay conversation topic to ask him how he did that. You knew. It was just that you didn't 'know', you know? You wondered what he would say on it. Probably change the topic or give a non-answer. You filed it away under 'potential things to pester Vanitas about.'

 

    With your company gone, you decided you would stay a little longer for your own enjoyment, then head back to what you guessed was your 'base' now. Home sweet inn.

 

* * *

_**Patience**_ **, Vanitas had to remind himself.**

**Except he was supposed to be doing this so he wouldn't have to be patient.**

**Instead, he wound up putting up with another _kind_ of patience.**

**He had considered ditching the useless annoyance.**

**Going back to figuring it out on his own, even if it took longer.**

**Yet his hunch had given him a lead after all.**

**Putting up with the pest wasn't supposed to be complicated.**

**He found they were good for taking some of his irritation out on.**

**But he hadn't meant to snap at them on the hill.**

**He had to hold himself back just enough so as not to scare them away.**

**That uncanny feeling that he hated made him feel like he wanted to be honest around them.**

**Not have to bother with the facade.**

**And they had taken it in stride.**

**They weren't supposed to do that.**

**Whatever.**

**Hopefully these mysterious tracks got him what he needed and he would be gone.**

**Never have to deal with _them_ again.**

**He started running along the tracks, eager to be done with all of this.**


	8. You Need to See Him

**Every time he felt like he was getting anywhere on these stupid tracks, he also could've sworn he was right back where he started.**

**With everything that was going on, he didn't know what kind of powers were at play here, but he knew they were strong.**

**He started shooting off dark firaga ahead of him as he went.**

**He had a sneaking suspicion.**

**He was right.**

**At a certain point, one of his fireballs disappeared into thin air.**

**He followed it and got that same deja vu again.**

**He wasn't making any progress.**

**Someone or something had set it up so that he wouldn't.**

**Whatever it was, it was powerful, to pull off a spell like this.**

**As if that was going to stop him.**

**Spells could be broken.**

**He took that very literally.**

**Either this world was going to give him what he wanted...**

**Or it could _burn._**

* * *

   

    When you reconnected, it was as waking in your beautifully standard inn bed. Indeed, this was your space now. ...Welp, time to go pester Vanitas. You headed out, not really sure how to find him still. So instead, you were going to go where you wanted to go, and hopefully see him at some point along the way.

 

    You decided that you wanted to run your hands along the smooth mirror waterfall thing and make patterns. Listen. You had to pass the time somehow. It was what you felt like doing. And it meant you got to ride the tram again.

 

    Getting off the tram at Sunset Terrace, you started making your way to le perfectly smooth and good for pattern making waterfall.

 

    But something seemed off.

 

    "What are we going to do?" A distressed woman wailed.

 

    "Maybe it won't make it this far." A man tried to comfort her.

 

    Something was sinking in your gut.

 

    "Excuse me, what's going on?" You implored.

 

    The woman answered,"There's a fire in the forest!"

 

    You didn't need to hear anymore. Your senses tuned everything else out as your brain focused on needing to see for yourself. You booked it to the hill, where you could get a clear unobstructed view. Other people were there, looking at something, and clearly worried. You pushed to the front of the crowd, not caring about being rude, your heart pounding.

 

    You got to the railing. There was smoke and a red haze that could just be seen on the horizon. Your chest became ice and spread through your veins. It was worry. A terrified worry. Not for yourself. Not even for the town.

 

    For Vanitas. You _knew_ he was in the middle of that. You didn't even question how you knew, you just needed to get to him. That was all that mattered.

 

    Your adrenaline pounded through your system as you ran everywhere along the edge of the town, trying to find the best way down. It was _not_ easy, and you thought you were going to die at one point from how fast you skidded downward on the steep bank, but you made it. Dirty, worse for wear, and with some mild scraping, but you made it.

 

    Now you had to make it all the way out there. Again, _not_ easy, and you ended up actually having to stop a few times because you kept pushing yourself to run as fast as you could to get there as quickly as possible. Your body felt like it was dying, but you didn't care. Everything in your blood sang about your desperate need to be there, and you listened.

 

    Eventually, you reached a point where you could feel the heat increase substantially. It was getting harder to breath from the smoke that was settled in an ever increasing haze. You caught glimpses of the actual fire through the trees.

 

    Unfortunately, you were too exhausted to notice the unversed that had also been doing damage. Until it was too late. Something large and hard slammed into you from the side and you were sent flying. You crashed onto the forest floor, skidding and rolling. When it all stopped, everything was a haze. It all hurt, you were so tired, and you distantly realized that you shouldn't be tasting iron.

 

    You were just aware enough to tell something large and round was coming toward you. Probably the unversed that hit you wanting to finish the job. You had to get up. Needed to...save Vanitas...wait...did he need saving? Why were you here again?

 

    The unversed wisped away into nothing. Oh, you hit your head harder than you thought.

 

    "Of _course_ you're here."

 

    The voice of a dark angel. You _were_ dying. Familiar dark boots stepped into your low field of vision. That's weird. Why is it so hard to see? You wanted to...talk to Vanitas...

 

    But everything went away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *'tee hee's in the distance*


	9. Want to Help

    You awoke groggily. You would describe yourself as full of grog. You didn't like being full of grog. You much preferred being described as an overly excitable chicken than this.

 

    Everything came back to you in weird chunks. Fire...Vanitas...fire _and_ Vanitas. _Oh!_

 

    You sat up quickly, and were surprised that you could with minimal pain after the fact. Didn't stop the dizziness. You lied back down. Took stock of where you were after the worst passed.

 

    Oh, you were never so relieved to see such a magnificently standard room. Home sweet inn. But you were worried about Vanitas. What the hell had happened? Your memories weren't the clearest after seemingly getting rammed by a truck. An unversed truck. You were _definitely_ calling the number on the back to complain. _Heavily_ complain.

 

    "Oh look, the idiot's awake."

 

    You turned your head to see Vanitas closing your room door behind him. Hey, he's okay! Rejoice! You smiled at him and went to happily say his name, but your brain thankfuckfully had that lesson embedded by this point. You settled for a,"H-hi," instead.

 

    Vanitas pulled out the chair next to the bed side desk thing and flipped it around before sitting with his arms crossed along the top of the back. Of _course_ he was the type of guy to sit on a chair backwards. That adorable ball of death and darkness _bastard_.

 

    " _You_ ," he pointed to you to emphasize his point,"and I are going to have a _talk_."

 

    Vanitas had the magical ability to make the word 'talk' sound like 'I'm going to make sure you meet your violent end today.'

 

    "Why were you there?"

 

    'There' could only be referring to one thing. McDonald's. No no, wait, the fire. Speaking of the fire...

 

    "Oh yeah, are we all gonna like burn to death soon? Wait, how'd we end up back here? Why were you there to begin with? Did you see what started the fire? I have many questions," you rapid fired. You had a sneaking suspicion how the fire started (fire was probably in Vanitas' top ten list of favorite things, you wouldn't be surprised if he set fires for fun), but you weren't going to jump to conclusions.

 

    " _I'm_ asking the questions here."

 

    Did he just put his foot down like that? Oh yes. Yes, he did. Something in your loins squealed,'Yes, Master!' and you had to shove it deep, deep, deep, deep down before it became a problem.

 

    " _Why were you there?_ " He repeated, with emphasis.

 

    For once, you could tell the truth.

 

    "Because I felt like you were there. You showed such an interest in those tracks, and then there was suddenly a fire over there, and I just really felt like they were connected. It was a gut instinct, I guess." You held your hand over your heart, remembering how you had no doubts in that moment.

 

    "So you decided to run all the way out there? What? Just to see?"

 

    "I..." You stopped yourself to think about your answer. Fuck it. If he didn't like the truth, you and the truth would move out together and buy a country home.

 

    "I felt like you needed me."

 

   " **h _A_ h**! I need you about as much as I need mud on my shoe. Get it through your head."

 

    Yeah, that's about what you expected. You slowly rose to sit up and face him.

 

    "Fine then. But you and I are friends, and nothing you can do will change that!"

 

    You gave him a hard stare. A stare full of truth. If you had to stare the truth into him, so be it.

 

    "Why?" He asked flippantly.

 

    You were confused. He let it hang there, so clearly he wanted an answer. You fumbled for words in your brain.

 

    "See? You don't even _know._ Pathetic."

 

    He jerked out of the chair and began to storm out. Things became slow motion. You knew you couldn't let it end like this.

 

    "I like you!"

 

    Apparently acute panic at losing someone was a great truth finder. He stopped.

 

    " **What.** "

 

    He actually turned his head back toward you, and you felt progress being made. You also thought he was probably very confused at what the fuck you just said, and hurried to explain.

 

    "I like you! Just, as a person, I don't know. You're pretty great."

 

    Everything seemed like it froze, and you began to fidget nervously. An awkward cough happened that you totally had control over and wasn't at all an involuntary response to stress.

 

    Finally, he turned to you fully. There were several more seconds where he stared you down, and you tried to retain 'eye contact', but for some reason you felt flustered in this particular instance and ended up looking away awkwardly.

 

    "Give me one reason." It sounded like a challenge.

 

    Your brain went into overdrive, thinking of everything you could say about him that you had personally witnessed here in virtual land. Your brain determinedly went,'Bitch, I'll give you more than one,' and you set to work.

 

    "Well, for starters! There's your unbreakable spirit. You're a really strong guy who doesn't give a fuck and does his own thing. I really admire that. For seconders! You're really cool. Like, dude, you're a badass. For thirdendenders! You speak and say what you mean. There's no bullshit with you. Fourthers!" You were about to talk about how he seemed pissed off all the time yet that didn't seem to stop him from doing shit, but he interrupted you.

 

    "Stop."

 

    Huh? Was his voice slightly higher pitched, or did you imagine that? Surely, you imagined it. Silence hung. Because of that, you noticed his breathing was slightly more erratic. He...he wasn't okay, was he? You wanted to comfort him, but didn't know how. You had to try.

 

    "...Okay. I've stopped. ...Are...are you okay?" You tried to sound as soothing and non-threatening as possible.

 

    "...yo r fa l ..."

 

    What? He was so quiet. You leaned forward, straining to hear, concerned.

 

    "It's...all _your **fault!**_ "

 

    Something blasted you back, and only after you were on the floor did your brain fully register the heat and the pain it really caused you. A shrill noise of pain escaped your throat unbidden. Once you regained enough sense, you immediately went for your potion supply. You couldn't think straight through the pain and needed it to stop.

 

    Thank God, relief. You took a few seconds to regroup, since nothing else seemed to be attacking you right now. You quickly got up after to look for Vanitas. He was nowhere to be seen. You were more worried than ever.

 

* * *

**All their f _au_ lt all Th _e_ ir Faul _t alL_ theIr faULt**

**AlL tHiEr fAUlT**

**a l   t h     r f   u l**

 

 

 

**Vanitas**

**hadn't**

 

**felt**

 

**panic like**

**this**

 

**since...**

 

**No, he**

**didn't**

**feel panic**

**he**

**was strong**

 

**li e th y sai**

 

**They didn't**

**know ANYTHING**

**_shutupshutupshutup_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Stop.**

 

**Vanitas.**

 

**Stop.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

**He was fine.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gee, my heart hurts, I wonder why :')


	10. It's Good to See You

    It had been several virtual days since you'd seen Vanitas. You couldn't find hide nor hair of him or even any unversed. Several things had slotted into place in your time living in Twilight Town since then. You had gone back to the hill to check on the fire regularly, but it had seemed to burn itself out? You didn't question it, you were just glad everything wasn't going to turn into 'Bye Bye Town' soon.

 

    You'd had to start doing odd jobs around town to afford your inn room and whatever else you needed. Like more potions. Because when it's said that Vanitas has a volatile mood...he _really_ _has_ a volatile mood. Inn, potions. Check. What's that? What about all the stress eating you've been doing at the bistro? Shhhh, we don't talk about that.

 

    It was exactly 6 virtual days time since you had seen Vanitas. You were having a nice time eating away your 'ohmygod whereishe ishedead isheokay' worries on one of your favorite roofs, when

 

    "You actually eat that filth?"

 

    You choked. A blessing in disguise so your 'don't say 'Vanitas' idiot' filter had a second to properly kick in fully. When you recovered, you span up out of your chair to face him. He was leaning on a wall, perfectly fine. See? He's fine. ...is he fine? Is he really okay?

 

    You stopped yourself from hugging him, because _lawd_ you weren't anywhere near him being okay with that. And you didn't want to get punched. You could not however, stop yourself from shoving him on the shoulder while you ranted your woes.

 

    "Where have you been?! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

 

    "' _Worried_ ,'" he huffed, like he was insulted. Like you had insulted him.

 

    "Yes, ' _worried_.' Are you...?" You gestured about his general being. "...alright?"

 

    "Why wouldn't I be?" It sounded like a challenge again, and you knew to drop it.

 

    "...Okay. You're fine. You're not...dead and stuff. Awesome!"

 

    This time the shoulder shove was friendly. He stared at the spot where you touched him like you'd dirtied it. Yup, that was your Vanitas! Boy, you'd missed him.

 

    "Oh, hey! Try this!" You forked up a piece of your bistro dessert and held it up to his helmet.

 

    You thought you heard him gag. Maybe he did gag.

 

    " **No.** " Not 'no, thank you' just 'no.' You appreciated him for what he was. "Get that fork away form me before I _stab_ you with it."

 

    He really sounded stab happy, and your survival instincts retracted your arm on auto-pilot.

 

    "Okay, geez. Just lemme know if you want some."

 

    "That's never going to happen."

 

    You kind of believed him. Sitting back down to your now celebratory and not sad dessert, you beckoned him to sit in the empty chair. You know, the one you'd been leaving for him, so he'd _better use it_ , but no pressure. He looked at the chair then stared out toward who knows what. ...Not taking the chair. Fine then. You huffed in mild offense, but carried on eating pretty happily. Because _that_ was Vanitas, and you were just happy he was here.

 

    "How can you eat that?" He was looking back at you now.

 

    Oh my god, he was trying to start a regular ass conversation with you on his own, AND he was looking at you? What is happening? Is this real? The happy feeling in your chest sure is.

 

    You replied jovially,"Because it's good!"

 

    "It's _disgusting_."

 

    "Hmm. Different strokes, I guess."

 

    You shrugged and carried on. You thought you heard a sickened sound, and almost actually felt bad for him. It was exactly the second you were done that you were hit with a stroke of genius. You shot up from your chair like an Electricorn.

 

    "I know!" You beamed at him. "Let's go to the bistro and find something you actually like!"

 

    "That's not happ-"

 

    You were already descending the stairs at a rapid pace. "Come on!"

 

    You were having a merry little skip to the bistro, not even concerned if he was following. You arrived at the menu outside, firmly planting yourself and waiting. He did follow in due time, and you waved at him, then gestured him over, probably too excited. He stopped when he saw your antics. Fists clenched and unclenched. You waited patiently. He did continue walking, and the people around the bistro parted like the red sea. You hardly noticed.

 

    You pointed to the menu on the stand. "Look, look, look!" He actually made a show of looking. You would've been scanning his face intensely, but instead you just got as close to the helmet as you dared, and stared. He didn't notice, or didn't care.

 

    "This is all-"

 

    "So I was thinking spicy red meat!" You cut him off, already aware of what he was going to say.

 

    His helmet snapped to your face, probably at the 'audacity' of you interrupting him. You just helpfully pointed to something you thought he would like, said,"Like this one," and smiled at him like everything was right in the world. At the moment, it was.

 

    He continued to stare at you. You weren't sure what was going through his head. Maybe he just didn't know what to do. You decided to end his potential suffering.

 

    "I know! Why don't you go back to the table, and I'll just bring you some stuff."

 

    You were proud of how helpful you were.

 

    "Don't bother."

 

    He was leaving, hopefully back to the table, but you never knew with him. You got him a few things anyway. Spicy Meat, Spicy Unmeat, and Tomato Soup. Don't let the bistro know how you simplify things in your head, they probably wouldn't appreciate it.

 

    You carried the food back to your spot, and were genuinely surprised when you saw Vanitas perched back on his wall.

 

    "You're here!" You exclaimed.

 

    "I'm _sorry,_ should I _not be?_ "

 

    He sounds pissed again. You did damage control.

 

    "Nononononononono, I'm really happy you're here, I'm just delightfully surprised! Usually you just like, vanish, sometimes." You set the food on the table. "Hey, speaking of..." NOW WAS YOUR TIME. "How do you do that?"

 

    "None of your business."

 

    "Oh, come oOoOon," you complained. "It's so cool, at least give me a tiny hint. ...please?" You gave him your bestest pleading face.

 

    "Why don't you figure it out yourself?"

 

    Why is he walking toward you? Something in the very back of the danger part of your brain twitched. You held off, standing your ground, wanting desperately to be able to trust him. Oh, this is a small squaring. He's not normally this...close...

 

    Your wrist was snatched and you were roughly yanked along into a dark corridor. It was suddenly cold and you could hardly see, strange shapes barely standing out, things you couldn't understand flashed by your senses, given no time to process as you were quickly dragged along. Suddenly you were back on the roof, your brain catching up with the last few seconds. Was it only a few seconds?

 

    You were still in the Vanitas square. He hadn't let go of your wrist yet, and you hardly noticed as you gaped at him.

 

    "Figure it out?" He sounded so smug.

 

    You elegantly gave him your hypothesis.

 

    "uh"

 

    FUCK.

 

    He gave one of those weird insane sounding singular 'hah's, let you go, and walked back to his perch. Where he continued watching you like a movie.

 

    "You, I, how, what?!" Yes, that made much more sense.

 

    "What?" He parroted back, a taunt.

 

    "I don't understand..." there's your words "what just happened. ...But it wAS AWESOME!"

 

    You fist pumped in adrenaline fueled victory. Your shoulder and wrist groaned at you. You winced, bringing your wrist down slowly to delicately sooth it.

 

    "But you didn't have to be so rough about it."

 

    "It's not my fault you're so weak."

 

    "You're right, that's true. Doesn't mean you have to be such a _dick_ about it." You let that set for a second, then,"Plus, maybe you don't realize your own strength. Ever think about that?"

 

    "No. You're just pathetic."

 

    Well, look who's on his insult game today. ...Like, every day, now that you thought about it.

 

    "Ugh." You rolled your eyes sarcastically and sat down back at the table.

 

    "Hey, the food's still warm, even! Wait...of course it's still warm, we were only gone..." You drifted off.

 

    You were only gone a few seconds, why did it feel longer? What did he do to you? Maybe you'd better not over think it.

 

    "Uh," you shook your head to clear it,"anyway, food time!" You held up one of the take-out containers like it was an olympic medal.

 

    "I'm not going anywhere near that garbage. I told you not to get it."

 

    What a sourpuss. You hid a contained laugh behind your other hand.

 

    "What, are you trying to convince me that you just don't eat anything?"

 

    "No need to."

 

    You almost dropped the container. Wait. Had he never eaten anything? _Ever?_ You were dumbstruck. You figured the characters in these games didn't need to eat as much or something because everybody's made of magic bullshit magic or some shit, but... Your brain tried to wrap around it. Was it because he was a being of pure darkness? He just didn't need food because the darkness sustained him? That sounded like it could actually be a thing. But wait, Aqua in the realm of darkness, I mean, she didn't age and time works differently, but

 

    You held your head in your hands trying to figure it out. Video game characters. Did none of them ever actually _technically_ have to eat to survive? Once again, magic and shit...but...but...

 

    Was that only the main characters because they're special? Or did some of them need to eat? Or could Vanitas just not eat because darkness and you're going in circles-

 

    "Don't act like it's such a big deal." You could practically hear the eye roll.

 

    "OH... _kay_. You don't _need_ ," you put 'need' in such heavy air quotes,"food. BUT. Are you telling me you've never eaten anything before? Ever? Like ever, ever? How?"

 

    "Why would I?" He sounded so disinterested about something that was making your mind melt.

 

    Deep breath. Just reset. Forget it, it's not a big deal. It's nOT a bIG

 

    You cut your brainself off,"Why don't you just try it then?" That's good, focus on the task at hand. Eat the thing, Vanitas!

 

    " _I just said_ there's no point."

 

    "There is a point! The point is that it's yummy and makes you feel good." You gave your belly a positivity pat.

 

   He huffed like you said something stupid and went back to ignoring you. Time to switch tactics. You leaned back in your chair, super fake casual.

 

    "Well, _gosh_ , if no ones going to eat this food, I guess I should just LEAVE IT HERE FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS IT," you loudly called into the town. "There. That'll take care of that problem." You tapped the table twice in succession as you rose from your chair. "Gee, look at the time, I'd better get back to work." You quickly walked toward the stairs, passing Vanitas. "I'll see you later!" You gave him a friendly wave and kept going on your way.

 

    Who knew if he would take the food. He didn't follow you, at least that you could tell. The sad truth of the matter was that you really did need to work some more. Properly get the apparent 'Vanitas Surprise Gift' fund in place. If you ended up having to throw your love at him in a physical form, so be it. Operation BFWVCDBNF was well under way and you were committed.

 

    Not to mention the fact that you were genuinely attached to him at this point. Looking back at all the shit you were willing to go through for him from the beginning, maybe that shouldn't surprise you.

 

   You looked forward to seeing him again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Passed the 11,000 words mark! Woo! *pops confetti* *breaks out the Juicy Juice*


	11. His Pest

**He couldn't believe he'd been reduced to this.**

**He had exhausted every option available to him.**

**Except one.**

**One very annoying pest.**

**Something he preferred not to think about.**

**Like why he'd even bothered to go through the effort of putting out that huge fire.**

**He had made that.**

**Was proud of it.**

**Thought it would be so satisfying to watch everything that was pissing him off burn to the ground.**

**Something had gotten under his skin.**

**Something he didn't understand yet despised strongly all the same.**

**It felt like there was something wrong with him.**

**Left with nothing to do, he once again for the hundredth time considered unleashing his unversed in the main part of town.**

**At least then he could watch the people scurry and cry like the pathetic bugs they were.**

**Unfortunately, when he let his unversed roam freely, it tended to attract certain keyblade baring annoyances.**

**Ones he didn't feel like dealing with until after he'd already figured all of this out.**

**So what was he left to do but go play with the one person he knew was too stupid to do anything about it?**

**An idiot who also had something off about them.**

**Something that was the only thing he'd found yet that felt like it could still get him answers.**

**He forced himself to swallow.**

**It was odd.**

**It wasn't 'good' like Idiot insisted, but that didn't surprise him.**

**Because they were an idiot.**

**What he found was that he didn't mind it as much as he thought he would.**

**He'd only tried it to ease his suffering of boredom through another potential suffering.**

**As long as his pest didn't find out about it.**

* * *

 

 You 'awoke' back into virtuality swaddled in warmth and love. There's nothing that can't be said to sing the praises of a good old fashioned blanket. You delightfully arose and looked out the window, wondering if Vanitas had taken the bai-food. If not, some random kids probably got to it and were happy campers. You would probably never know.

 

    What you _did_ know, was that you were excited to find Vanitas an official friendship commemoration present. Easier said than done. Firstly, it couldn't be too expensive if (coughWHENcough) he ended up stomping on it or something. You had to prepare for such things, you were aware. Didn't stop you from trying. Secondly, he loved destruction, but you weren't about to give him a chainsaw or something. Figuring out something that he _might_ not destroy on the spot and would actually like was going to be a big toughie.

 

    Not wanting to waste time, you headed for the shopping district and your big honkin' task. Once there, you stood, seeking inspiration. Something stood out to you from a toy store window, and inspiration rammed you like a friendly non-unversed driven truck. You ran over to look at the toy pop gun that had given you the idea.

 

    Of course. Something that was _meant_ to be destroyed, like some kind of target system. Your brain was plotting hardcore. You started gathering the things you would need. Glass bottles, plywood, rope, paper, a bat, red paint. You once again thought about how appropriate it was that red was his favorite color. Everything would stand out as targets AND double as something he actually enjoyed.

 

    It was well into the afternoon by the time you got everything set up in the woods. Now all you had to do was wait until you encountered him again, and you would bring him here to unleash your great surprise. You were a little worried about more unversed potentially popping up here again and wrecking all your work (which was the intent, just not what should be doing the wrecking), but the woods were really the only place you knew of where this would work. It was a chance you had to take.

 

   You sat back against a tree to take a well deserved break and relish in a job well done.

 

    "What are you doing?"

 

    Hot diggity dog, look who likes to show up bizarrely on cue. You weren't even surprised anymore, just happy.

 

    "H-hey!" Oh, thank God, the 'Vanitas' filter still works. You wanted to just be able to call your friend by his name. Now was as good a time as any to try to achieve that. "Um, hey, look, I'm gonna be honest, it's kind of weird that I don't know your name. You know I'm /Name/," you cleverly slotted your name out there again, in case he didn't bother to remember it,"but I don't know what to call you."

 

    Three seconds passed.

 

    "Vanitas."

 

    Angels sang, the clouds parted, God himself gave you a pat on the back. You could almost cry. You tried your hardest to hold it back.

 

    "That's the most beautiful name I've ever heard. Vanitas." The last syllable came out as a half sob, and you cursed all the powers that be while also still thanking them.

 

    "What's wrong with you?" He sounded like he was genuinely asking, and at that moment you couldn't blame him.

 

    "I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY TO KNOW MY FRIEND'S NAME FINALLY OKAY I DON'T KNOW SHUT UP." You tried to wipe the grossness off your face. You could only imagine the look he was giving you under that helmet. You stood up and shook yourself out. It was showtime.

 

    "Vanitas!" God, that was freeing. "I have made you a thing!" You gestured out to where some of your various types of destructible targets could be seen. "It's an obstacle course. Kind of. You basically just run around finding targets to wreck with this bat. And paper to shred. Or crumple. Whatever you wanna do, really. Hell, gather them in a neat pile if that's your want. When you're done, tell me how many of each you found and I'll tell you if you got them all."

 

    "Why?" Could a person sound more suspicious? You weren't sure.

 

    "Because you seem pissed off all the time and I figured you could use a good vent."

 

    "Why?" Less suspicious, more confused.

 

    "Because I care about your general well being. Kinda what friends do. ...Deal with it?" You held the bat out to him.

 

    Would he even take it? You tried not to hold your breath.

 

    "Don't need it."

 

    For once, he summoned Void Gear, and you were happy about it. He took off, a cacophony of breaking wood, shattered glass, and general destruction sounding wherever he went. You were surprised by his enthusiasm. You knew he loved destroying shit, you just didn't expect him to so wholeheartedly go after shit _you_ set up for him to destroy.

 

    Was he actually... having fun? Dare you even ask that of yourself? It's just...he _sounded_ like he was having fun if his vocalizations were anything to go by. You knew you would have to keep that knowledge to yourself until the day you died.

 

    A very loud, very _not_ just plywood sound of something being utterly wrecked happened, and you became slightly concerned for the level of fun he may be having. He returned shortly after, promptly listing off everything he got. He had gotten everything, plus (1) tree. Ah, that's what that was.

 

    You were impressed (slightly concerned by his zeal, but mostly impressed). You _had_ considered that he might've been a cheater, since he showed up as soon as you were done. He could've been watching where you hid everything before hand. But, regardless, he made quick, very enthusiastic, work of it. You couldn't have been more pleased. Time to give him the exactly appropriate amount of praise.

 

    "Yeah, that's everything. ...and then some, but WOW. You really went in on that, that was awesome! You're so cool, dude!"

 

    You were playing it chill, your fanpersoning only cranked to 100. Well done, keeping it in check.

 

    He huffed, and you imagined a posturing bird, chest stuck out, letting their birdsong rip. "That was nothing. Try making it better next time."

 

    Next time? _Next_ time?? As in, he expected there to be a next time and he was okay with that? Don'tswoondon'tswoondon'tswoon. Okay, you're fine. Holding it together like a champ.

 

    "Oh, really? Got any suggestions for additions then, champ?"

 

    "Plant more trees. I could have this area leveled in minutes."

 

    Your eyebrows shot up. Both because you thought it might be true, and because of how boldly honest(?) he was being.

 

    "Uh...I think we might need something more sustainable, Vanitas." You used his name just because you _could_.

 

    "Not my problem." He walked over to a tree to lean on it. Trees seemed to have many uses for him.

 

    Something flashed across your mind about how you wished you could see his face, but you knew you weren't there yet.

 

   "Well, if you're the one using the course, don't you think it makes sense to say if there's anything you want?" You leaned against a tree yourself.

 

    Two seconds passed and he answered,"Bigger more durable targets for one. 'Shredding paper'? Really?"

 

    "Hey! Shredding paper is very satisfying! For instance," you took out the receipts you still had in your pocket from all the things you'd had to buy to do this. You would have to work more to make up for it. To take out your frustrations on that, you ripped them up into shreds.

 

    "See? Very satisfying."

 

    "You...keep paper in your pockets?" He made it sound way lamer than it was.

 

    "They're receipts, silly." Something in your brain clicked. Receipts. Munny. The inn you stayed at. Where did Vanitas stay? Did he just wonder the woods at all hours? "Hey..." You went to ask, but thought better of it. You didn't just ask someone,'hey, you homeless?' And asking where he lived was a 'no no' too, because Vanitas. You settled on a compromise. "We should have a meeting place."

 

    "Why? You stick out like a sore thumb. It's easy to find you."

 

    You let your brain take a sec to acknowledge and soak in that he knew your appearance so well that you were 'easy to find.'

 

    "Yeah, but like...wouldn't it be nice to meet without _having_ to look for each other?"

 

    "You're assuming that I _want_ to see you."

 

    Alright, time for crushing honesty. You'd tell him that you wanted to see him, but if the feeling wasn't mutual, you'd part with a goodbye on as well of terms as you could. You knew he was just being his normal sassy self, but you suddenly became aware of how much you were trying to force your friendship on him. You didn't want to force something he really didn't want.

 

    "I mean, I  _want_ to see _you_ , but..." You looked at the ground sadly, fidgeting with your hands, preparing to give him an official out. It hurt, but it was the right thing to do.

 

    "Oh, _stop it._ "

 

    Void Gear speared into the ground next to you. You jumped, automatically preparing for the worst.

 

    " _Here._ " He pointed to it like he was accusing a criminal. "Now stop _whining._

 

    Your brain did the math before you could catch up, doing victorious backflips. It occurred to you a second later what he was saying. Unfortunately, your emotion riddled brain also acted without thinking. You hugged him, grinning from ear to ear, whispering 'thank you' not even fully aware of why. He roughly shoved you off him pretty quick.

 

    "Get _off_ of me, _freak._ "

 

    You regained your balance and were amazed that you could tell that he was cringing even with the helmet. His body language was just that wound up. He grabbed Void Gear out of the ground and slashed vertically downward on the nearest tree. There was a sickening _crack_ as darkness sliced through and outward from inside the tree, splitting it down the middle in a chaotic explosion.

 

    You were curled in on yourself, both instinctively terrified, and in awe. You jumped again at the clamor of both sides falling heavily down on whatever was in their path.

 

    Vanitas stood, still frozen in the ending position of his swing. Then he casually regained his form and walked by you.

 

    "I told you."

 

    Something inside you guessed that he was internally cackling. You weren't sure how to respond or even how you were supposed to react to what happened. You slowly turned, expecting him to be gone. He was leaned back against his original tree, looking at you. All you could do was stare back with saucer sized eyes.

 

    "That'll make a good landmark for our meeting spot. If you still can't find it, I'll just split you in half instead, to spare the world from your stupidity."

 

    You blinked at him owlishly. Come on, you could do this, find your words.

 

    "uh...buh..."

 

    FUCK.

 

    "Or maybe, I should just do it now. Since you're so keen to show it off."

 

    REGROUP, BRAIN, REGROUP.

 

    "N-nah, I'm good, thanks." It may be a small voice, but it was yours.

 

    "Meet me here tomorrow at noon. Bring more targets." He stepped away from the tree, left a short pause. "I have something to show you."

 

    Then he did the darkness vanishy thing again. You very clearly felt in over your head. For some alarming reason, you loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much relationship progress. so much. it's beautiful. LET US LOVE YOU, VANITAS.


	12. Breaking

    You had spent that evening after cleaning up the broken glass and the next morning working, trying your best to rack up as much cash munny as you could to get ahead of the curve. Bigger, better targets he says? Ha! How about some big ole wood that's practically it's own tree? You painted zigzag stripes on those. Some tin slabs? Check, with polka dot target patterns. You also got some aluminum cans for the more precise targets (breaking glass was way more satisfying, but you didn't want to litter the woods in broken glass if this was going to be a regular thing), painting them entirely red.

 

    You rented a wheelbarrow and hauled it all off to... _your meeting place (tiny squee)._ He was already there, sitting on the remains of the poor split tree, looking very comfortable with the results of his destruction.

 

    "About time."

 

    What a beautiful Vanitas greeting. He hopped down and walked over to inspect the goods. You basked in how casual and normal this all was. He picked up one the tin sheets and chucked it, firing off firaga and blizzaga at it in quick succession, then following it himself to deal the final blow. It shattered, the sudden extreme temperature changes and massive physical trauma too much for it.

 

    You applauded. He picked up one of the sharp broken pieces (great, you'd have to clean up anyway), walking back over to stab it into one of the wooden beams with a satisfying _thunk_.

 

    "This will have to do." He picked up one of the cans and threw it at you. You caught it, thank goodness. "Start throwing."

 

    Throwing? Oh. _Oh._ You got to do _this?_ Yes, please. You enthusiastically started chucking all the cans anywhere and everywhere. He hit every single one with magic before they hit the ground. You applauded again. Call you a suck up, but it was _cool_ , alright?

 

    "Your throw is pathetic."

 

    Ahhh, there it is. Like music to your ears.

 

    "Well, let's see you throw one, mister 'I can do all the tricks.'"

 

    You expected him to use one of the already beat up cans. Instead, he grabbed one of the wooden beams and launched it above the tree line like it was an olympic javelin. He followed it up, the beam coming back down in several pieces a moment later.

 

    You were slack jawed. You quickly composed yourself, grumbling,"Show off..." He dropped back down next to you from the branches.

 

    "Bring the rest. We need more space."

 

    He started running through the woods toward the mansion, leaving you to pick up the slack. You didn't even have time to protest. You huffed angrily, stomped over to the wheelbarrow, and then took your sweet time following him.

 

    You arrived at the mansion to see Vanitas hopping from pillar to pillar and walking along the outer wall. For a guy who could stand as still as a statue, when he moved, he _moved_.

 

    "Took your sweet time, did you?"

 

    "Yes, yes, I did take my time, Expects Everyone To Haul Stuff For Him Vanitas. Have you considered shortening it to Hauls His Own Stuff Vanitas?"

 

    He jumped down.

 

    "Hmph. Can't handle even _that_ , can you?" He loosely gestured toward the wheelbarrow.

 

    "Look, man, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not ripped shredded like you so clearly are."

 

    "Excuses."

 

    He walked over to pick up one of the remaining beams and walked with it out to the middle of the clear area. You followed to see what he was doing. He held it like a baseball bat.

 

    "Start throwing."

 

    Oh my god this was happening. If you could tell your past self that you would one day play monkeyfluffing tin sheet ball and wooden beam bat baseball with monkeyfluffing Vanitas, you would have looked at yourself like you'd grown an extra head. On your butt. A literal butt head.

 

    But this was no time to question things! You had stuff to throw! You ran to grab the remaining tin, and tossed it into Vanitas' hitting range with ultimate bliss running through your veins. The resulting metal claps and flying bent scrap was wondrous and also kind of terrible to listen to. You persevered. When you ran out, you had a question to present to the court.

 

    "Hey, can I make a suggestion?" You waited for a response instead of just hopping into it, wanting to see how he would actually respond to such an inquiry. He tilted his helmet to you slightly. ...Okay, I guess that was it. You continued,"Now, if this is too much or just stupid, lemme know, but...can you break one of the beams with one of the beams?"

 

    "Please. Don't underestimate me."

 

    He dropped the one he was holding where it was, stalked over to grab the other one himself, launched it, ran and grabbed the dropped one, and smashed it hard into the other one once it dropped into hitting range. Both split in two. Damn it, he had to stop impressing you like this. Your eyes were gonna get perma-stuck on star mode.

 

    That was it, you realized. All the targets you had.

 

    "Well?" He stood among the broken beams, his helmet turned to you.

 

    ...Uh? What did he want? ...Oh. You hadn't vocalized your praise at him carrying out your request. You'd just looked on in awe. Wait. Was he...looking for praise? Oh no. Oh no. He was like an abused puppy who was addicted to praise once they were in a good home and understood what it was. Your heart shattered a billion million times. You couldn't cry again, this man needed _support_ _damnit_ and you were going to provide.

 

    You launched into genuine applause and accolades. You ran over to him, giddy.

 

    "You really did it! And all that other stuff, with the _swoosh_ and the _bew_ and the-" You mimed out all the cool stuff he had done with sound effects.

 

    "Duh, _idiot_. That was easy."

 

    Should you hit him with the real ass deep praise? He freaked out last time. Bracing yourself for retribution, you went there.

 

    "It must've taken you _forever_ to get that strong, but you got there through perseverance, and I think that's really cool."

 

    Maintain eye contact, maintain eye contact, even if he kills you, you're going to look him in the eye through that helmet while he does it.

 

    "There you go again. Acting like you _know_ me." It was a statement, with just a touch of questioning confusion.

 

    You couldn't think too much, or you would panic about hidden truths.

 

    "I mean, I do know you. You're Vanitas, my friend."

 

    You smiled affectionately. He looked away.

 

    "Whatever, loser."

 

    He started to walk away. Was that it? The end of your interaction for the day? He wasn't darkiporting, he was just casually strolling away from you back into the woods. Dare you follow? Push the envelope? If there was one thing that Vanitas had taught you, it was to be a daring fucker. You followed.

 

    Once you caught up, you just walked beside him (coughaninchbehindbecauseifyougotaheadhewouldspeedupcoughVanitasThingcough). He wasn't spearing you down on the spot, that was nice. You didn't know where you were going, didn't have a plan for anything to do, and decided that was okay. It was nice to just walk silently in each other's presence.

 

* * *

**For once, his pest was blissfully silent.**

**He didn't have to leave just to think.**

**They made him feel things.**

**He shouldn't be so comfortable around them.**

**They shouldn't be so comfortable around him.**

**He shouldn't feel free and alive around them.**

**They shouldn't be okay with him being himself.**

**He didn't understand.**

**He hated them.**

**He hated them for turning him into this.**

**Making him start to _not_ care about how he felt.**

**If he was having fun with his new toy, should it matter?**

**No.**

**He could do whatever he wanted.**

**He could kill anyone who disagreed.**

* * *

 

     Vanitas stopped.

 

    Oh, was this where you parted ways-

 

    And started closing in on you far too quick to not be alarming. You backpedaled instinctively.

 

    _whatishappening whatishappening whatishappening_

 

    Your back slammed up against a tree and he was on you.

 

    _panic panic panic_

 

    Both his hands slammed onto the tree on either side of you, effectively trapping you. Your bodies were barely an inch apart. Not being strangled for once, you were surprised how much heat he radiated. His head slowly closed in on yours, until your nose was practically touching his vizor. The hand to the right of you slowly and lazily made its way to your face.

 

    Hyperventilating? Who's hyperventilating? Not you. Certainly not.

 

    He flicked your forehead. Hard.

 

    OW WhAt ThE f-

 

    "OW WhAt ThE f-"

 

    He was off you and back to casually idling and watching your reaction faster than Speed Racer.

 

    "There was something on your face."

 

    WAS IT PAIN?

 

    "You can't just-that's not how-alkjsdafkds _fuck._ "

 

    He  _was_ trying to kill you. This was your retribution. It was happening.

 

    "Go _oonn_ ," he gestured dramatically. He was enjoying this _way_ too much. What did you sign up for?

 

    "OH KAY LOOK. Ya can't ju _st_ -...do that kind of thing. If there's something on my face, just tell me. I'm perfectly capable of getting it myself." You doubted there was anything to begin with.

 

    "What if there was nothing on your face? What if I did it again, _right now?_ " He took a step closer.

 

    Oh no. This was a full Code: Red situation. Vanitas had gone full HonestBoldDestruction mode. This was not a drill. You counted your blessings, assured of the fact that you were going to die. You really couldn't think of a response, except for

 

    " _Excuse me?_ "

 

    "You heard me. What would you do," another step,"if I did it _again?_ "

 

    "I-I..."

 

    Punch him. Run away. There were options.

 

    Another step.

 

    _fightorflight fightorflight fightorflight_

 

    FUCK IT. This bitch was gonna have to catch you first! You shot off, remembering all other times you had run for him as motivation.

 

    " _Too slow._ "

 

    He wrangled you to the ground way faster than you were proud of. This was a familiar situation. Only horizontal. His hand made its way to your forehead again, and you weren't just letting it happen this time. You tried to bite his hand. Look, it was the first defense you thought of! He recoiled before your teeth met hand. His head snaked back a smidge.

 

    "Well, well, well...look at _you._ "

 

    Your body was doing weird things you tried to ignore.

 

    "Yeah, well, that's what you get for trying to flick people's foreheads. They don't like it much."

 

    "Are you sure? Maybe we should do it again to double check."

 

    That damn hand again. You went to bite, and were surprised when he shoved his hand into your mouth willingly. You eyes widened with a surprised grunt. That was all the time the other hand needed to flick you again. Goht, _damn it._ Instead of letting his hand go, just for that, you bit down a little harder with a growl. Another flick. You growled again, grabbing his other hand with yours directly, trying to wrest it away from you.

 

    "A ha ha ha ha!"

 

    Your jaw slackened, letting his hand go. That didn't just happen. You'd heard him laugh before.

 

    This was different.

 

    It still sounded much like it was at your expense, but there was something there that was like he was actually enjoying himself. Happy? Could you use the word happy?

 

    You were flicked again, and your poor forehead yelled at you about the responsibility of taking care of your body. You started wrestling his arm again, but he was getting off you. He stood back, away from you, watching again.

 

    If your brain tried to comprehend what happened, you'd die. Your body was already having enough trouble on it's own. Calm down, body. 'I SAID CALM THE FUCK DOWN. SHUT UP, LOINS!'

 

    You quickly stood up, _not_ with shaky knees, because you had full control over your body.

 

    Full. Control.

 

    "You're incredibly weak."

 

    "Alright, asshole, rub it in!" You snapped at him, because you were in full. Control.

 

    "I already did."

 

    Your brain short circuited. Goodbye, /Name/. You were dying.

 

    "Ii'Mm. Going home!"

 

    You marched. Just march. ...March.

 

    "I'll come with you. We can have a _sleepover_."

 

    **He DiDn'T sToP?!** You stopped. Turned to him. The most feral part of your mind screeched,'Do it, bitch! Do it, you _coward. **DO IT.**_ '

 

    Because you were already broken, you went,"Sure," and carried on.

 

    Two sides, neither conceding. Since you'd already died, that was fine.

 

    This was.

 

    Fine.

 

   

* * *

_**Breaking** _ **toys was fun too.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentlefolk and gentlefolk.  
> The 'Step on me, Vanitas,' part of my brain has officially escaped.  
> I'm so sorry.  
> (i'm not though)  
> ((i don't know what the fuck happened))  
> (((also i suddenly have so many comments and I feel like a broken record saying 'thank you' BUT IT'S TRUE. I see you all and i love you all, thank you so much for all the nice comments, it motivates me to no end! <3 if you've ever left kudos or even if you're a silent reader, thank you!)))


	13. You Wished You Had Regrets. You Had None.

    The walk back to your inn room was quiet. You had time to stew in your emotions and then reign them in. You were just going to hang out. In your room. Like friends did. No big deal. Perfectly normal.

 

    Except it was Vanitas. What did that even mean? Did he know how to hang out? I mean, you would teach him, but... You knew he was on a 100% fuck with /Name/ spree. It was surely the only reason he hadn't ditched you yet today.

 

    You were never more grateful for the Vanitas Thing of his walking ahead. You could keep him in your vision, which helped a lot with the 'on edge' feeling he was inspiring in you right now. It also allowed for a sneaky potion salve to the forehead. Waste of a potion? Absolutely not.

 

    It was comforting to be back in your own grand luxury suite. Home territory. It gave you confidence.

 

    "Why do you stay in this dump?" Vanitas perched on the wall like he was a permanent fixture.

 

    Inhale. Exhale.

 

    "I will have you know, this is a _perfectly **standard**_ inn room. It's immaculate in it standardity. Standardetity. ...Standardness."

 

    Come off it, bruh. You loved this room and nothing was ever going to change that.

 

    "You think that's a _good_ thing?"

 

    "Yes. Yes, I do." Spoken with unending confidence.

 

    Vanitas walked over to the bed, gave it a good once over, and flopped down. Sprawled out as he was, there was no room for anyone else. They would die if they tried.

 

    Your eyebrows achieved lift off at the sight of Vanitas lazed out on your bed.

 

    Inhale. Exhale.

 

    "You seem pretty comfortable for someone who's standards don't meet the standard in standard." What the fuck did you just say?

 

    "Might as well if I'm gonna be stuck here all night."

 

    Wait...you hadn't thought he meant... _literally_ have a sleepover. What-why? Why on earth would he...? Oh dear. Oh maul. This was his master plan. Kill you in your sleep. There was no _way_ you could sleep knowing he was probably planning something sinister. Right? He had to be. Or was this him fucking with you more?

 

    "Um...when you said 'sleepover'...I thought you meant like...hang out a while. I don't...there's nowhere for you to sleep."

 

    _Could_ you even manage to kick him out if you wanted to? You brain sadly shook it's head at you, and you lamented.

 

    "I guess this spot will have to do."

 

    Ohhhh, nonononuhnuhnuhnuh. You had to put your foot down.

 

    "Listen. I'd be delighted to have a sleepover with you," would you? "but I draw the line at you taking my bed. If you _really_ wanna stay, I can ask for some extra blankets and pillows for you."

 

    You knew the most selfless thing you could've done was be like,'Oh, yes, take my bed, dearest friend, I'll sleep on the floor," but that was a bad idea for several reasons. Firstly, Vanitas was _not_ the kind of person you wanted to set up a precedent of 'take all my stuff, it's fine.' Because he would. Oh, he would. You had no doubts. Secondly, sometimes you had to stick up for yourself. It wasn't good to let people walk all over you. Thirdly, and this definitely wasn't the most important, if Vanitas slept in your bed, it would be the end of you. Kaput goes /Name/, for the second time today.

 

    "I'll make you a deal." He sat up slowly like a vampire rising from a coffin. "If you can get me off of it, it's yours."

 

    Kaput went /Name/ anyway. The mental image of you trying to physically drag Vanitas off your bed was too much. This was a deal you couldn't take for obvious reasons.

 

    "That's not how that works. You can't be like,'Fight me for this,' over something that's already mine to begin with."

 

    "Watch me."

 

    Oh, you were watching him. With an ever increasing worry over losing your bed. A bold cliche struck you like thundara. You walked over to the bed side, staring at him appraisingly.

 

    "Well. If you're so determined to become part of my bed, that's fine by me. I can just sleep on top of _you._ " HA HA, TAKE THAT.

 

    "I'd like to see you _try_."

 

    He didn't scare you (he very much did, shh). You flopped over onto his lap.

 

    "I have achieved."

 

    He flipped you back off like you were a blanket.

 

    "Try again."

 

    You caught yourself and regained your balance. You looked at him in thought. Decided what you were about to do was the most bold thing you'd ever done. Something about being with him made you lose your inhibitions and want to go all out. Your first step was casual, followed by a full sprint tackle.

 

    You'd prepared to go sailing, in case he dodged you, but you made full contact. He either didn't expect it, or maybe he thought taking it full on was a better tactical strategy. You both grunted as you slammed together. Yours was mostly because you just slammed into something at full force, his was more surprised. But you weren't done.

 

    You hadn't managed to get him off the bed, so you hooked your arms around his torso and pulled. You were expecting the hardest fight of your life, but he just went limp. Oh my gosh, why was he so heavy? It didn't matter, you could and would do this. For once, _for once_ , you would win against him.

 

    "Having trouble?"

 

    You just gave him an even more determined glare and doubled your efforts. He was slowly being inched toward the edge of the bed. A small projectile collided with your forehead. Wait. _Hell no._

 

    "I swear if you do that again-" He did it again. "I'm gonna bite your hand again."

 

    With you being busy trying to pull and fend off flying face projectiles with your teeth, he had all the opportunity he needed to pull the old switcheroo. You were suddenly being yanked downward, where you ended up lying on the bed. I mean, that had been what you were trying to achieve. You just thought that the accessory of Vulture Vanitas hovering over you was a bit much.

 

    Your brain caught up. So did the blood vessels in your face.

 

    "I win."

 

    He flicked your forehead again for good measure. You hands came up to shield it. Couldn't flick it if he couldn't get to it.

 

    "You should've known better than to even try."

 

    Jumping into victory gloat already? This wasn't over. Your brain was plotting. Scheming. Waiting for the right moment. He must've seen it on your face.

 

    "Give up. There's nothing you can do."

 

    One of your hands slowly left its defensive position and raised to his helmet.

 

    Flick.

 

    You smiled proudly.

 

    "So that's how it is. What if I bite _your_ hand?"

 

    What a novel idea.

 

    "Ha, good luck with that, No Mouth."

 

    You flicked his vizor again to prove a point.

 

    Then there was less vizor. And less

 

    _whathowi'm_

_nothappening_

_happening_

_joy panic_

    _this couldn't be happening it was too much is the system frozen?everything feels weird what i'm so i can't_

 

    Beautiful.

 

    Rapture.

 

    The vizor was completely gone. A human couldn't withstand staring at something so beautiful, so close. Golden yellow eyes of darkness gleamed down at you, his expression so smug. His expression.

 

    You could see his expression.

 

    It was just like Vanitas to steal something. You wanted your breath back.

 

    "Shouldn't be a problem now, should it?"

 

    Your hand had stayed floating above you, completely forgotten. He leaned forward...and latched on. This was no gentle lover's tap, friends. This was a ceratosaurus latched on to its prey. A ceratosaurus that made eye contact (oh god, _real_ eye contact). That grinned savagely around your fingers.

 

    His mouth was warm. Teeth, surprisingly sharp. Your middle finger twitched, making contact with his hot wet tongue and you

 

 

 

    ...

 

 

    "I'm SorRy, I bLaCkEd OuT, wHaT's HaPpEnInG?"

 

    You were right back where you were, except cera-Vanitas had his eyebrows fixed in a half question, half mock. He laved his tongue against your fingers experimentally, wanting to see how you'd react.

 

    "FfFfFfFfFfFfFFFFF-" You were yanking your hand back, but he wouldn't give.

 

    You were actually dying. Not a joke, DYING. Heart attack. Every inch of you was on fire and you couldn't breath.

 

    "Vanitas."

 

    You whispered his name and closed your eyes, combusting.

 

    He let go.

 

    Sweet mother Mary, praise be, praise all that exists. You struggled to catch your breath. It wasn't made easier by the fact that he leaned his face close to yours like he was observing a fascinating experiment.

 

    "You're strange."

 

    His voice was low and mellow, like he was docilely contemplating something. His breath ghosted over your face. You were brain dead. Time of death: Vanitas o'clock.

 

    He leaned back, giving you more space. Three taps resounded on your forehead instead of flicks.

 

    "What's wrong with you?"

 

    It wasn't mocking. He was just asking. There was nothing you could say. He had no idea what he'd done. That he was guilty of murder. Cold hard murder. Poor sap probably didn't even realize he was talking to a ghost. You tried to croak out his name, your throat dry and constricted.

 

    "VaNiTaS-" You coughed to clear yourself out, considerately covering your mouth. Some ghosts had manners.

 

    You looked at him to explain, and realized you didn't even have anything to say. Looking at him now, your first reaction was to shout 'DICKWAD' and punch him in the face. You actually seriously considered punching him for a few seconds. Then you remembered his past and decided you would avoid true violence against him at all costs. You forced yourself to speak.

 

   " _FIRST_ ly. Get off. Please. PleasefortheloveofGod get off."

 

    "So you admit I win?"

 

    Zzzzap, went your brain. You'd. Completely. Forgotten. About that. You looked at him in utter disbelief and indignation.

 

    "Are you serious?"

 

    "You failed. Now, I take your prize."

 

    He rubbed his hand over the bed a bit, then snatched the sheet into his fist, seemingly strengthening his 'bond' with your 'prize.'

 

    You clicked your tongue slowly, the urge to punch him coming back strong.

 

    "Riiight. Because, what are you gonna do if I don't concede?"

 

    There _was_ nothing else he could do to you. You had already ascended to a different plane.

 

    He took one of your wrists firmly, slowly. An iron grip, but not painful. Much gentler than you were used to from him. He was watching you, an unspoken, gloating question on his face as he slowly brought your hand toward his mouth.

 

    "OKAY,YOUWINYOUWINYOUWINYOUWIN I CONCEDE, STOP, I'M TAPPING OUT."

 

   He let go, and slowly got off you, but not the bed. He lounged on the right edge, like he owned it. You couldn't care less. You shot up and sped to the farthest part of the room you could find.

 

    Once there, you leaned against the wall for support, your hands over your face. You slowly slid down into a sitting position. For once, you'd like a stretch of time where this kind of mind frying shit didn't happen with him. Have a normal conversation. _Talk._ You know, like people _talk._

 

    'Stop lying to yourself,' your voice whispered from the back of your mind. 'You were busting a nut and you would do it again.' You choked on the phrasing. Deep, deep, deep, down in your everything...you flung a string of violent curses. Because it was true.

 

* * *

**He watched his pest having a meltdown in the corner.**

**Mission successful.**

**They could be broken.**

**Far too easily.**

**They got flustered by every little thing.**

**Everything he did awarded him a reaction.**

**And _react_ they did.**

**Every little thing they felt or thought showed on their face.**

**And their body.**

**It made him feel fire in his veins whenever he pushed them past the breaking point.**

**To see the kind of raw body language he could evoke.**

**He absently raised a hand to touch the silver brace of his helmet that he still wore.**

**He'd gone all the way and it was worth it.**

**He remembered the look on their face in that moment.**

**It gave him a self-satisfied smile.**

**He focused back in on watching them.**

**They looked genuinely sad, all curled up, face hidden.**

**Good.**

**Something seized in his gut.**

_**What the** **hell?** _

**He loved suffering.  
**

**Thrived off of it.**

**Why couldn't he look at them now and feel it?**

**...**

**There was something wrong with him.**

**No, there wasn't anything wrong.**

**This was a fluke.**

**He just wasn't in the mood, that's all.**

**He could make them suffer, and he would enjoy it.**

**Everything was normal.**

**He was only here to play with them.**

**He would bat them around, laugh at them, demean them.**

**And they would take it, because they were stupid.**

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm
> 
>  
> 
> NOT SORRY. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA *runs away, cackling*
> 
> (also credit to TruthTeller for giving me the idea of flicking his helmet. It ended up as this, idk, welp that happened)


	14. Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning. The following chapter contains trigger warnings for the ending segments. Please be advised if you are sensitive to the following:
> 
> Suffocation  
> General dark themes
> 
> Please stay safe.

    You slowly rose your head. There was hell in your eyes and fire in your soul. You stood abruptly, a reinvigorated soldier ready to fight. Marching over to Vanitas and his beautiful face and toned butt that was planted firmly on your bed, you jabbed your finger into his chest, looking him in the eye. He looked mildly intrigued, but mostly unimpressed. Ha ha, just he wait. You made an announcement.

 

    "I'm going to get something."

 

    With no more detail, you quickly strolled through the door, making sure to shut it gently. In your soul, you were a door slamming fiend at the moment. Now, no one could tell. You're cover was perfect.

 

    You quickly made your way to the nearest shop you knew carried what you wanted. You lifted it off the shelf with an evil grin. Oh. _This_ would show him. You were going to murder him with the blunt object known as kindness. Two murders in the same room on the same day. What was the world coming to? You also noticed the bite marks on your hand. Fuck it. You'd wear them like a badge of honor.

 

    You strolled back carrying your items, in a much better mood. If you arrived back to the inn and it was burned to the ground, oh well. Nothing was going to phase you at this point. Although, you would miss that room. God bless that room.

 

    When you arrived back, you kicked in the door to your room, a stark contrast to how you had left. Vanitas had lied back on your bed, an arm under his head, staring at the ceiling. He barely spared you a glance at your entrance. You gently kicked the door shut. Gently. You dumped your bounty on the floor next to the bed.

 

    "I have brought sleepover necessities!"

 

    You'd also gotten those extra blankets and pillows. You didn't like to think about the fact that you'd been kicked out of your own dinkle flippin' bed. But now...now was the time for...

 

    You rubbed your hands together evilly, then grabbed your Pandora's Box off the ground. You held it in front of Vanitas' face, so he would have to look at it.

 

    " _Thisss._ "

 

    The box had 'City Stake' plastered across the front in big blue letters. A board game. It was what you found to be this world's version of monopoly, and since monopoly was a game about cut-throat takeover, you figured he'd enjoy it. Plus, the name was accurate. The city was at stake. Vanitas was in it. It was at stake all the time now.

 

    You also wanted to see if Vanitas was a flip the board kind of guy. It seemed like he was, but it also seemed like he might not be. Only one way to find out. Maybe, he wouldn't even play. That was sad, but a very real possibility. You were going to do your darnedest to trick- convince him of the benefits of playing.

 

    "Is a board game. I'm going to destroy you at it."

 

    Get his competitive ego going, that'll do it. He took the box from you. Maybe he would throw it out the window. You were prepared for all options. Instead, he looked it over with scorn.

 

    "You're into this kind of thing? Nevermind, of course you are."

 

    He tossed the box back in your general direction. It landed safely back in your hands. Not where you expected it to end up to be honest.

 

    "Those sound like the words of a _loser_."

 

    His eyes shot to yours. You stared back, challenging him. Sparks flew. He did the coffin raise sit up again.

 

    "I can beat you at _anything_. Easily."

 

    That's right, take the bait. A slightly manic grin encompassed your face.

 

    " _Prove it, coward._ "

 

    That did it. He flipped off the bed, making a very tiny square with you, glaring you down. You glared back with just as much gusto. Honestly, it was easy to take any excuse to stare at his eyes up close. You'd take the opportunity.

 

    "I will. Set it up."

 

    You immediately dropped your facade, happy that you'd gotten what you wanted. You set up the game on the floor, with Vanitas hovering a foot away, still standing, staring you down like a bull staring down the matador. How cute.

 

    You'd finished the set up, and got comfortable on your side of the board. You looked up at him, not at all intimidated.

 

    "Gonna be hard to reach the pieces up there, _future winner_."

 

    You got out the instructions while you waited for him to sit down. You already knew the general gist. Now you just had to explain it to Vanitas in a way that sounded interesting to him. He landed into his sitting position with a thump. Guess the guy didn't bother with slow descents. The fake money billowed a bit at his sudden breeze causing. He was officially here. Good. Now to go for the kill.

 

    "This is a game about violent and sudden takeover."

 

    His eyebrows twitched up just a fraction. That's right, pretend you're not impressed. You went over the basic rules, trying to make them sound as violent as possible for him. Buying a property was now a forceful acquisition of land. Money was power. The more power you had, the more people feared you. The goal was to defeat your enemies and take over their land, acquiring as much power as possible and stomping out anyone who got in your way. It was a bloody war.

 

    The glitzy board game colors didn't _exactly_ reflect the dark tone you were trying to set, but hey, what can you do? You picked your favorite playing piece, and he picked the hammer, because it was the most smashy one. These games had the weirdest playing pieces.

 

    Playing a board game with Vanitas was...interesting. Every time he'd pull ahead, he would gloat about the ultimate destruction that was about to befall you. When he fell behind, he talked about your inevitable failures and how he was going to destroy everything you loved. He had this weird habit (Vanitas Thing) where he would always slam his piece down on the board when he moved, disrupting the pieces around it. He'd grab his owed money like he was strangling a toddler.

 

    Yes, you didn't expect him to go so hard. It seemed he really threw his everything into everything. You'd played along, amused and happy this was even happening. Sometimes you would respond to his threats of decimation with similar threats, other times, you had a very passive 'yes, dear,' attitude. Honestly, it had been fun and entertaining playing with him (despite how many times you'd had to rearrange things on the board because of his can do destructioness. Probably why he kept doing it, to annoy you. Takes more than that at this point, you sugar coated peach). You were pleasantly surprised.

 

    But then you ended up winning. Death. It was all around you, everywhere. Inescapable. You slowly lifted your eyes to see his reaction. He was staring at the board like he couldn't believe it had just leapt out and bit him. You entered pacify and pretend everything is fine mode.

 

    "Good game."

 

    You offered your still clearly bitten hand to him. Maybe he would remember the simpler times of killing you, and that would somehow calm him. He stared at your hand. Stared at the board. Stood up with a huff.

 

    "This game is clearly rigged for stupidity if it let you win."

 

    He gave it a solid kick, and it quickly slid slammed into the wall. Oh, he was the _kick_ the board type. Fascinating. Your mind wanted to reply with,'No, _you_ let me win,' but you held your tongue, wanting to avoid more death and suffering. He walked back over to the bed and sat on it, seemingly showing off his stolen throne, reminding you of your previous defeat. Subtle salt there. You saw what he was doing.

 

    You stood up as well, happy, but still cautious about impending doom. You went over to grab the snacks you'd picked up for yourself (and him if you could get him to try them. Fat chance), letting your self ego boosting tittering show on your face now that you weren't facing him. You won. You beat Vanitas. This would go on your gravestone as your great achievement of victory.

 

    Grabbing delightful sugary crunchies, you sat on the floor, leaning against the foot of the bed next to his legs. Waited. Oh, he's going to allow this??? Okay, cool. You nommed on your snack, holding one up toward him.

 

    "Want some?"

 

    He took it. Then flicked it back at your face. Made a sound of self-satisfaction that was demeaning to you. So it shouldn't have sounded cute. Fuck. You were in deep. You sighed, a sound of long-suffering. Picked up the snack and tossed it back at _his_ face. See how he likes it. He caught it midair. His eyes narrowed at you slightly, and your gut told you that hell was arriving shortly on the express train.

 

    He snatched the whole bag from you, dumping it over your head. He leaned forward with a very 'what are you going to do about it, bitch?' expression on his face.

 

    This.

 

    Meant.

 

    _War._

 

    You grabbed as many as you could into your hands, while standing and gaining distance. You quickly started your assault, but so did he. You ran circles around the room, avoiding him and his delicious projectiles. You aimed at his general torso area, while he aimed at your face, like the asshole he is. You were struck by an idea. You opened your mouth, surprised you got it on your first try. You crunched victoriously.

 

    "Ha! You can't stop me from eating them, you've lost!"

 

    "Oh?" He clicked up an eyebrow. Then consumed the remaining tasties in his hand himself.

 

    Your jaw dropped. So he was willing to eat stuff if it meant keeping it away from you? That-

 

    He gagged and choked.

 

    " _This is horrid._ "

 

    Oh, my god. The look on his face. You couldn't, it was coming-

 

    You broke into uproarious uncontrollable laughter. This was the greatest thing you'd ever seen in your life. You couldn't stop. You're stomach hurt, your face hurt, ahahaha he was going to kill you hahaha!

 

    " _Stop laughing._ "

 

    Oh god, you wanted to. But even just looking at him in this state was too much. He grabbed one of the remaining snacks off the floor and shoved it into your still laughing mouth, snapping your jaw shut.

 

    " _You_ eat it then."

 

    Forced to laugh and breath through your nose, with sugar melting on your tongue, actually helped you calm down. But then you looked at his face. What an angry boy. You started laughing again. He scowled at your harder. In another situation, he would've looked scary. Now, it was just funny. Only laughing through your nose was hard, which did force you to calm done sooner.

 

    Once you were able to stop, you stared into his pretty eyes. Boy, he sure does have a rough grip on your face and head. That's hilar- no, no, not again. You swallowed your now melted prize. Mmm, sugar. You spoke as best you could through his grip.

 

    "Thase, thas bus eemizuh."

 

    You wondered if that translated as 'thanks, that was delicious' to him. Oh well. He shoved you away. You realigned your face, shook it out. A little sore, but almost good as new. He was still glaring up a storm in your direction. He opened his mouth to surely say something terrible, but you were already talking.

 

    "Thank you for hanging out today. Your really fun to spend time with." Genuine smile of affection.

 

    Kill him with kindness. Really beat him over the head with it. Can't stop _this_ raging love train. Choo choo, motherfucker.

 

    He looked as bewildered as a man could look. Holy _fuck_ , being able to see his face was awesome. You didn't give him any down time.

 

    "Hey, I've got other stuff too, if you don't like sugar."

 

    You casually meandered over to your snack stash. Got out the strongest not-suger drink you could find that wasn't straight whiskey. You did _not_ ever want to see a drunk Vanitas. You held out the very nonalcoholic drink to a man who looked for all intents and purposes like he'd come across the world's hardest puzzle. Boy, those were some deeply furrowed eyebrows. What a deep set frown.

 

    "If you don't like eating stuff, maybe you'll be cool with drinks?"

 

    You kept it held out to him, face neutral, not expecting him to take it. Or maybe he'd smash it over your head. Either or.

 

    He ignored the drink, opting to continue staring at you, very, _very_ , displeased. He opened his mouth to speak.

 

    " _You..._ "

 

    He was probably trying to come up with a real zinger of an insult. You waited, eager to see how he wrecked you.

 

    " _I hate you._ "

 

    There was a lot of venom there. It was the fact that there was 10% less venom, with a fleeting of unsurity, that made you suddenly worry greatly. Not much changed in his face, he was glaring at you spitefully. You didn't know why your heart hurt, or why you were worried, or why he seemed sad, when he really most assuredly looked to be on the anger/hate spectrum currently.

 

    You let the drink drop on the floor, forgotten. There was something else that needed taking care of. But you didn't know how to do it. 'Are you okay?' would be taken as an insult. You couldn't hug him, he very clearly needed space right now, and that didn't fly anyway. Your mouth moved, speaking from your heart before your head.

 

    "I'm sorry."

 

    You were sorry for everything he'd been through. That's what you were sorry for. You couldn't say that. Didn't 'know' it. Couldn't tell him you'd beat the shit out of Xehanort's ugly ass bald head for how that evil man had mistreated Vanitas his whole life. Couldn't speak it out loud.

 

    All you could do...was reach out with your heart.

 

    Vanitas stepped back, as if struck, clutching at his chest.

 

    "What did you just do?!" He demanded.

 

    You were slammed against a wall, his fingers digging into your shoulders painfully, his eyes wild in a way you'd never seen before. He looked terrified, enraged, and fully ready to fight something that you couldn't see. His teeth were bared in a snarl that warped his whole face.

 

    "What did you do?!" He screamed at you, even though he sounded out of breath.

 

    You stared at him, wide-eyed. You didn't know what you did. You had just wanted to help him with all your heart.

 

    'With all your heart' echoed in your head, and you started to hyperventilate, something feeling heavy in your chest.

 

    "Answer me, you-!"

 

    A dam broke. You didn't understand what was happening, but suddenly you were filled with hurt. A kind of deep despair and agony that rocked your entire being. You screamed, unable to take it. Tears came out in a stream, and you wailed, and sobbed, ripping at your chest, begging it to stop.

 

    With nothing holding you up anymore, you collapsed in a heap, wretching, nothing making sense in your head. All your breaths were a sob, your throat raw from screaming, trying to force out the pain. You distantly heard a scream that wasn't your own, but it felt the same.

 

   

    Nothing made sense.

 

 

   You started fragmenting back together after an unknown amount of time. Your fingers slowly curled into the floor, fascinated that you knew you were doing that. You could see again. Everything felt too bright. You tried to remember how you got here. Where was here? You tried to sit up slowly to check, but something weird made you panic and you curled up again.

 

    Just stay. Stay with me. Who was staying with you? Someone. Someone important. You needed them. Did they need you? You hoped so. Had to find them. Need.

 

    You forced yourself up, needing, and needed.

 

    Oh, who's that?

 

    Everything slammed back into color and focus, the correct prescription slotted into your mind.

 

    You gasped like you could really breath for the first time.

 

    Vanitas.

 

    _Vanitas._

 

    He was several feet away, on the floor on arms and knees, his head down. His entire body was shaking. You had to stop it. Had to help.

 

    You clumsily crawled your way over, and held him. He jerked violently at your touch. All you could do was hold him. Felt like you _needed_ to, like you needed air. You nuzzled your face into his back, feeling like you had found home.

 

    Waited.

 

    Eventually, both of you settled down into mild tremors and better caught breath. Able to think semi-clearly once more, you whispered a question that you knew he was wondering too.

 

    "What the fuck?"

 

    He went to sit up, and you let go, sitting back yourself. He looked blank faced. Drained. How you felt, too. There were tear stains on his face, much like yours, and something vaguely hurt in your chest at the sight. So you could still feel, even if it was numbed out.

 

    There was nothing to say. Nothing to do. You looked at him, and he looked straight ahead. You wondered how aware he even was right now. 'Are we going to be okay?' drifted through your mind. You reached out to him. It didn't feel like there were walls anymore, not after what happened. After something you still didn't understand. Your fingertips made contact with his shoulder, and you left them there.

 

    You didn't know how much time passed before he jerked his head straight, blinking a few times. His gaze sought out yours immediately. You looked at each other. He slowly raised his hand toward you.

 

    His arm jerked the rest of the way, hand closing around your neck, smashing you to the ground. You choked and suffocated. His other hand quickly joined to strangle you. He was sitting on your stomach, keeping you pinned down and making it truly impossible to breath. Horrible fiery pain shot through your system, lungs spasming. There was no air at all. You desperately clawed at any part of him you could reach, the last vestiges of your mind telling you to go for his face, but it was slipping fast.

 

    "I never _asked_ for your _light!_ What makes you think you have any _right?!_ "

 

    You became an uncomprehending thrashing mass of agony as your life slipped from you. All you knew was pain.

 

* * *

**They stopped moving.**

**Jaw slack, eyes unseeing.**

**His mind cleared.**

**He instantly let go.**

**Panic and horror like nothing he had ever felt before surged through him.**

_**No no no no no no no no no no no no no** _

_**'Why do you care?'** _

_**'Shut up!'** _

**He hadn't just killed them.  
**

**This was not happening, couldn't happen.**

**His body started working before his mind to fix this.**

**He darted to their desk, where he knew he would find potions.**

**Repair the damage.**

**He'd searched the room earlier while they were out, looking for whatever secret he knew they were hiding.**

**Now it seemed stupid.**

**He crashed down on the floor beside them, pouring the potions over their neck and torso, wherever there could be damage.**

**He carefully poured some down their throat for internal wounds.**

**It didn't seem to be working.**

**Why wasn't it working?!**

**They should be breathing!**

**They weren't breathing.**

**That was the problem.**

**How did he make them breath?!**

**Wait.**

**It was dumb, but it was all he had.**

**If they weren't breathing, he would give them his breath.**

**He closed his mouth over theirs, trying to exhale all he had into them.**

**He felt some escape through their nose, but their chest had risen.**

**So he covered their nose and did it again.**

**And again.**

**And again.**

**And again.**

**/Name/.**

**/Name/.**

**Please.**

**He slammed his hand down over their heart in frustration, willing it to work, like he could.**

**There was a sickly and incorrect sounding gasp, followed by choking and more gasping.**

**Something wet and warm traveled down his face, landing over their heart.**

**Their heart that was beating.**

**Alive.**

**Not dead.**

**Not dead.**

**Not dead.**

**(Dead) By his hand.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the happy chill chapter. In a way, I guess this story is helping me cope with my own trauma, and that finally came through. Sorry, I know that got really dark out of nowhere. While proofreading this, I noticed the weird amount of foreshadowing that somehow happened when I still had no idea what I was about to write. I SWEAR TO GOD ONE DAY I WILL WRITE A CHAPTER SO FLUFFY IT HEALS THE HURT. At least, that's the goal. ;_; Also, obvious suspension of disbelief happening with the super inaccurate "CPR" here. Magic. Potions. The power of hearts and love and shit. Fictional world. I don't know.


	15. Aftermath

    You sat huddled in the corner. Somehow, everything hurt and was numb at the same time. You couldn't process what had happened to you. You knew Vanitas was violent. Had shown before that he was willing to kill. But for some reason, you just never thought... never thought he would kill _you_. Like _that._ You had developed a bond and a trust that you shouldn't have. Clearly, he didn't feel the same toward you.

 

    There was something about _actually_ dying that made everything look different. Screw the fact that you couldn't technically really die here in the virtual world, it was as real as if it actually happened. That was all that mattered. And it had been someone you cared for that dealt the blow. It hurt. Not just now. You had experienced a kind of pain you didn't know was possible.

 

    How did you get past that? You weren't sure what you felt anymore about Vanitas. Other than that you were afraid of him. Really, truly, afraid. You cast a quick glance at him. He stood at the opposite corner, leaned against it, arms crossed. You knew Vanitas had a tendency to watch, but there was something unnerving about the way he did it now. It was different. Like he would die if he looked away from you.

 

     Honestly, you didn't want to be in the same room as him. You were too scared to move though. Why was he even still here? Was he going to hurt you again? You put your head back down to hide the tears.

 

    The slightest of noises came from his corner and your head shot up to see what was happening. He had taken a single step toward you. He brow was furrowed, mouth set in a frown. You started hyperventilating, shoving yourself as far back as you could go. Fight-or-flight had taken over, and nothing made sense except for fear and the need to be further away from him.

 

    You were too traumatized to tell that the furrow in his brow looked worried. You just saw that he wasn't happy and assumed the worst. You couldn't tell that he looked hurt after your reaction to him. Couldn't see any of those things anymore. Couldn't look at his face long enough to see the scratch marks.

 

* * *

**He couldn't be near them.**

**He was dangerous to them.**

**Shouldn't have cared.**

**Did.**

**But he also couldn't leave them.**

**He was a selfish being.**

**Felt like he would drown if he left them now.**

**He needed a constant reminder that they weren't-**

**...**

**He also needed to make sure they didn't get hurt again.**

_**y u  wer  t e  ne w o  ur  t  m** _

**It was selfish, because if they got hurt, he would feel things.**

**Bad things.**

**He didn't want to protect them.**

**That wasn't a feeling he was capable of.**

**This was selfish.**

* * *

 

 

    Vanitas had gone back to his corner perch, looking away now. Oh no, he looked angry. What if you just booked it? What if-

 

    ...you exited the program? It should've been the first thing you thought of. Why were you still here? Did you really think...you didn't know, anything good, about Vanitas anymore? Why didn't you leave? Why? Why? Why...

 

    "...did you do that?"

 

    It came out barely a whisper, but you panicked, checking to see if he had heard. He was looking at you again with that same unhappy expression. Oh no. _No_ -

 

    Fear coursed through you again. You had to leave now. Leave leave leave-

 

    "I'm sorry."

 

    It sounded like something he vomited up. Made a face after like he had vomited in his mouth.

 

    You stopped, one mind click away from having exited all of this. He couldn't look at you, a wild mix of emotion scattering across his face. Your brain paused. Resumed.

 

    "What...?" It was a whisper, still too scared to talk to him directly. You must've misheard. Hallucinated it because it was what you wanted to hear.

 

    "Don't make me repeat it!" He snapped at you.

 

    You flinched and he was back to that weird emotion potluck again. You didn't understand why your heart still wanted to reach out to him. Why you still felt weirdly connected. But it felt like the connection had become corrupted.

 

    You really should leave. You really should. For your own safety. You thought of all the other times you'd had to put up with his violence, wondered how you did it. Shook it off after. It was because you'd thought he didn't mean it. Because you would become his friend, and then everything wouldn't be hunky-dory, but you never thought he would-... Now you knew, he did mean it.

 

    A sadness of loss washed over you. You grieved what would never be. You'd thought so innocently back then.

 

    Actually...why _hadn't_ the system booted you when that happened? Like before? You clearly weren't on the right path.

 

    Oh.

 

    Maybe it was because there _was_ no right path. And it realized that now. Vanitas just wasn't someone you could get close to. You lost.

 

    Maybe you could say goodbye to broken dreams.

 

    "Hey..." Your voice was still tiny, but you were doing your best to be brave. To say goodbye properly. Not for him. He didn't give a damn. It was for you. "Why were you watching the sunset, when we first met?"

 

    You looked at the floor. The floor was an okay view. Didn't have his face. So you didn't look up. You heard a shaky exhale. Didn't see that he looked wrecked.

 

    "It was all I had." He was practically whispering too. You didn't know what  _he_ had to be nervous over. "I've been stuck here for..." There was a silence. "I wasn't supposed to be here. To be anywhere. I was supposed to be done with all this. ...But then I showed up here. And everything was different. I couldn't leave through the darkness anymore. I'm trapped in this world. I can't even..." He put his hand over his heart, something else you didn't see. "Feel _him_ anymore."

 

    'Things you're not supposed to know' drifted through your head on a broken autopilot. It was fragmented, like everything else. You put together what he was saying, piece by piece.

 

    You realized that the program had trapped him here, plucked him from the ether after his 'demise' in front of Sora and Ven. Everything he had done since you met him here...

 

    Everything clicked into place. Your eyes widened.

 

    _You_ had trapped him here. Caused him even more suffering, when all you had ever wanted to do was _ease_ his pain. Your hand flew to your mouth, stifling a fresh sob. You caused _**all of this**. _

 

_**Everything was your** **fault.**_

 

    You tried to breath. Ended up on your hands and knees, forehead pressed to the floor, gasping like you were having a heart attack.

 

    "What...?! What is it now?!"

 

    You couldn't hear the tone, only the words. Things spilled from your broken heart before you could stop them. You struggled to speak through your constricted throat and tears.

 

    "I did _all of this_. I did this to you, I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry-" You kept repeating it like a mantra, unable to stop. Other phrases would get mixed in,"I didn't mean to hurt you," "Didn't want this," "Didn't mean to," "I just wanted to help."

 

   "I _knew_ it. There's been something wrong with you since the day we met."

 

    He sounded so factual, and you tried to reign yourself in, but you were reeling, and did it matter anymore? After that confession, you would have had to reload. Would have. You weren't sure you were ever coming back. You just ending up making things worse for the people you wanted to help.

 

    You didn't know that was how the program worked when you started it the first time. Didn't know it just plucked their character file and trapped them somewhere, forced to interact with you. Because that was _what you wanted_. Right? It made sense it would do that, now that you thought about it. For God's sake, it was so prevalent that even _Vanitas_ , the trapped character himself, could tell there was something wrong. With everything. With you.

 

    You. Who caused this.

 

    "What did you _do?"_

 

    Of course he wanted answers. Deserved them. It was the right thing to do. Then you would leave. You sat up. Wiped your tears. Summoned all the courage you had to look him in the eye, one last time.

 

    "This is a program. I took your character file, and I loaded you. Because I'm selfish. I related to you and admired you, even though maybe I shouldn't have. I wanted to meet you. I didn't know the program would trap you to force that to happen. No amount of 'I'm sorry' can make this right. But I will. I'm going to leave, and I'm going to make sure your character file gets fixed to the way it should be."

 

    He looked at you like you had just told him to shove a hairbrush up his butt. Fair. Hell, maybe he didn't believe you. You couldn't really blame him. Now, it was time to fix this.

 

    "I'm going to leave now. Goodbye, Vanitas. I really hope you find happiness someday, in some form."

 

    "Stop, _wait!_ "

 

    There was something so desperate in his voice that it reached you even in your current state. You paused, deeply confused.

 

    He was paused mid step, arm reached out toward you, an innocent desperateness on his face, and you had a flashback to when he lost the x-blade.

 

    " _That_..." He paused, realized what he was doing, forced himself back into a semi-composed state. "It's all true, isn't it?"

 

    "Yes." You were never going to lie to him again.

 

    But you were confused. You were still here. Because he had stopped you. And not with violence. Not with an attempt at revenge, like you would have expected. He did it by seeming like he really didn't want you to leave. And after everything you had just told him. It didn't make sense at all. You couldn't understand.

 

    'Maybe he actually _doesn't_ hate you,' some stupidly innocent, hopeful, and _selfish_ , voice said in your head. No, no. He hated you. He really did. He proved that. Except his actions now didn't add up. Was this some elaborate trick? Why would he? Lower your guard to get his revenge? He seemed so sincere, though. Could Vanitas act that well? You really didn't know.

 

   "Your ulterior motive..." He was speaking again, and you didn't lower your guard for a second. "Is  _the_ _stupidest_ thing I've ever heard. And you  _mean it_ , don't you?! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

 

    He was doing one of those insane laughs again. He held his forehead in his hand, one eye covered, looking like someone who was broken.

    You shouldn't have cared.

    Did.

 

    You stood up slowly, despite your weak legs. Used the wall for support. You had to ask. Because none of this made sense to your broken mind.

 

    "I don't understand...shouldn't you be trying to kill me again? Don't you hate me?"

 

    He tried to hide it, but there was a flinch on 'kill.' You must have imagined the remorse that flashed across his face. Must have. You really, really, must have. Why did you feel like crying again? You hated this. Hated everything here.

 

    "I..."

 

    He'd gone to answer, but stopped, looked confused.

 

* * *

**He should.**

**Right now, he should be filled with nothing but hatred.**

**Right now, more than ever, he had reason to hate.**

**Where was it?**

**Why did _everything_ hurt less?**

**There wasn't as much caustic chaos inside of him as there usually was.**

_**It felt** **better.** _

**Ever since they had...  
**

**But he still...**

**This wasn't him.**

**He'd _rejected_ their light.**

**He had.**

**He didn't need it.**

**Didn't want it.**

**Didn't have it inside him right now.**

**Wasn't missing a part of the hurt-**

**...**

**...**

**He was lying to himself.**

**He knew it the moment it happened.**

_**Felt**_ **their hearts cross.**

**Swap pieces.**

**It was why they had suffered so much.**

**Why he felt the resonance.**

**They took it from him.**

**Were willing to bare it for him.**

**And gave him something in return.**

**He still didn't understand how it happened.**

**It _shouldn't_ have happened.**

**He didn't think he wanted it.**

**But in his heart, at that moment, when they offered themselves to him...**

**He did.**

**It left a bitter taste in his mouth to admit it.**

**But maybe it shouldn't surprise him.**

**He had just taken what he wanted, after all.**

* * *

 

    "I should."

 

    He left it at that. 'Should.' That meant he...didn't? You didn't understand, you just didn't understand-

 

    You collapsed back down. What was the point?

 

    "You feel it, don't you?"

 

    Feel what? Tired? Done with this? Yes.

 

    "My darkness."

 

    _That_ got your attention real quick. You snapped your head up to glare at him. He'd better explain.

 

    He laughed. It sounded devoid of real humor, but still, this wasn't funny.

 

    "It makes sense, that someone like you couldn't-"

* * *

**Take it.**

**They couldn't take it.**

**They were a wimp.**

**It would destroy them from the inside out.**

**He would know.**

* * *

    He stopped abruptly, looking serious all of a sudden. That wasn't an answer. You didn't want any more games. You were done with this.

 

    "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

 

    "Yeah, ask _me_ , like I know!" You snapped angrily.

 

    Paused. What was with you? Why did everything feel so...enhanced? You hated it. Wanted it to stop. But this was only a natural reaction to what you'd been through. Of course everything felt like utter shit right now. You just needed time.

 

   Vanitas looked at you like a parent stared at a child doing something they slightly disproved of, but wasn't bad enough to call out. That made you feel _great._

 

    "For fucks sake, if you have something to tell me, say it! I shouldn't even still be here."

 

    "You're not going anywhere."

 

    Ex-fucking- _cuse_ you?!

 

    "I'm not done with you."

 

    Like that _helped_.

 

    He snorted and covered his mouth with his hand, but you'd seen the smile under there. Heard the little cackles he was trying to stop. He thought this was funny. He thought-

 

    Everything shifted. It sounded real. You remembered that time in the forest. What were you doing? Your emotions were too heightened from what you'd been through. You needed a step back. Time alone. You needed to leave, in some form or other.

 

    "Listen, do you want me to fix your shit or not?!" You asked, to the point.

 

    "You already did, _idiot._ You go around offering your heart to just anyone?"

 

    Offering...?

 

    'With all your heart.'

 

    You remembered.

 

    Couldn't believe. You put your hand over your heart, really letting yourself feel it, inside. It was true. You just knew.

 

    Panic blossomed rapidly through your system. Why were you panicking?! Shouldn't this be happy?! Wait, should it?! You couldn't breath, oh god-

 

    A plastic snack bag thwacked you in the face and fell to the floor. You stared at.

 

    "Stop freaking out, it's annoying."

 

    You looked up at him. Back down to the bag. Ripped into it and stress ate like you'd never stress ate before. You'd stumbled over to the rest of your stash, chugging a drink for good measure too. Boy, that hit the spot.

 

    "Are you _done?_ "

 

    He sounded done with your bullshit. _Your_ bullshit. Like you were the one who-

 

    "Listen, what the fuck, bitch?" Are you sure that drink wasn't alcoholic?

 

    He gave you the slight eyebrows' quirk. You weren't done.

 

    "You think, you can just come up all in here, share _hearts n' shit_ , and then, then-," You would cry all you wanted, fuck him. "Do _that_ to me, and think it's okay?!" You screeched out everything you'd been holding back at him. "I put up with so much of your bullshit, because I thought,'Oh, deep down inside, he's a good person!' You're right! I _am_ an idiot! Only the stupidest person could _ever_ look at you and think there's a shred of good! Fuck you, Vanitas! You're horrible...I can't believe you...did that to me... _right after we-_ "

 

    You couldn't do this anymore.

 

    "I trusted you," you whispered.

 

    Then you stormed out.

 

    He didn't stop you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader, with their trust broken, Vanitas, destroying himself inside over it, even if he won't admit it, reader, thinking Vanitas really doesn't care-
> 
> AHHHHHH
> 
> *sings* La la la la la, such happy times, la la la la la, would you two please work your shit out, it's making me saaaaaaad!
> 
> But in all seriousness, Vanitas fucked up bad. There's only so much someone can take, and now he's gonna have to be the one to reach out if there's ever going to be a chance for them now. The question is, can he? Will he?
> 
> Bitch, he better, I swear to god-


	16. Stay With Me

**Vanitas stood in shock.**

**Something slowly seeped out his spine and creeped into his gut.**

**He tried to figure out what it was he was feeling.**

**...**

**Disappointment.**

**In himself.**

**Something he hadn't let himself feel in a long time.**

_**everything they said is true** _

_**it's your fault** _

_**you're a monster** _

_**this is what you are** _

**Guilty.**

**That was another one.**

**He shouldn't care.**

**That was something he had told himself a lot lately.**

**Why wasn't it working?**

**...**

**...**

**He did care.**

**He wanted.**

**He wanted something that wasn't supposed to be his.**

**Then they came, and for some unknowable reason, offered it so freely.**

**He should have known better than to take it.**

**But he did.**

**Because he took what he wanted.**

**He was selfish.**

**That was something he didn't care about.**

**He would take what he wanted.**

**Nothing was going to stop him.**

**Knowing what he did now, perhaps he should have felt a loss of purpose.**

**He felt the opposite.**

**This was his chance.**

**Everything was set up for him.**

**There was nothing to stop him from doing whatever he wanted.**

**This was all here _for him_.**

**They did that.**

**He would never understand why, but he didn't need to.**

**He would just take advantage.**

**Because now, finally...**

**Something was _his_.**

**They** **were _his._**

**And whether they liked it or not, he was taking what he was owed, and he would keep it.**

**But he had to be careful.**

**He'd already screwed up once.**

**This was something he couldn't screw up again.**

**Apparently, they had a secret exit of sorts.**

**He had to make sure they never used it.**

**He let out a short laugh and smiled to himself.**

 

**"/Name/."**

 

**"You're _mine."_**

 

 

* * *

    

    You'd made your way to the mansion, taking a wide path around _that_ tree. You just needed a _second_. A place to breath. Namine's old room called out to you as a safe space. Somewhere familiar, where you wouldn't be bothered. You went near a corner, and lied down. You couldn't even bother to sit. You were so exhausted. Drained of everything you had. Old drawn pictures that were a familiar comfort skirted the edges of your vision as you let yourself drift off.

 

    You didn't know how long you'd slept, but it didn't matter. When you woke up in Namine's room, you felt marginally better. Not mentally, everything was still shit. But you'd needed the physical rest. You sat up and gazed at drawings you'd seen before, but still liked to see. You liked it here. In Twilight Town. It was a comforting space. A home away from home. You'd still like to visit again sometime, just so long as  _he_ wasn't here.

 

    Now, you could leave in peace. Why were you hesitating? Twilight Town would still be here later, it was okay to leave it for now.

 

_He was paused mid step, arm reached out toward you, an innocent desperateness on his face_

 

    It was okay.

 

_He held his forehead in his hand, one eye covered, looking like someone who was broken_

 

    It was okay.

 

    _"I'm sorry."_

 

    It was okay.

 

    A funny thought occurred to you. What if you just shoved yourself in one of the pods and hoped for the best? Maybe you could forget too.

 

    If you couldn't forgive.

 

    Because you couldn't. It was too much.

 

    The door opened and you shot to your feet. Everything slowed down as you scanned for a weapon. You grabbed a chair and slammed it into whoever was coming in. You're brain had told you to defend yourself against Vanitas. It was right.

 

    He'd caught the end of the chair just before it made contact with his head. Now that you were looking, you could see he had put the vizor back on. Good. It was better when you didn't have to see his face. You jumped back, prepping your exit.

 

    "Wait. I'm here to apologize."

* * *

**That was what people like them wanted, right?**

**Apologies?**

_**Ugh.** _

**Whatever he had to do.**

**He could fake it.**

_**fak r  s op ly ng** _

* * *

   

    Huh? You were confused again.

 

    "I'm... _sorry._ " It sounded like he was forcing it through his teeth.

 

    "Yeah, you sound real sincere."

 

    Fuck this guy.

 

    "I...!" He took a deep breath. "... _am._ "

 

    It sounded _more_ sincere. You didn't really believe him.

 

    "I'm supposed to believe that? Are you going to up and tell me you _care_ about me or some shit?" You'd said 'care' as mockingly as possible. You weren't sure it was a good thing that you reminded yourself of Larxene in that moment.

 

    "Yes."

 

    That caught you by surprise. You didn't believe it though.

 

    "Ha! You can _say_ anything you want. You're _actions_ have **clearly** spelled out otherwise."

 

    "Then let me prove it."

 

    A bag of sugary crunchies landed at your feet. It was the same kind he'd dumped out on you. 'Holy fuck, he's actually trying.' No no, now. You can't have thoughts like that. They're dangerous. Just like the fucking bastard standing across the room. You looked back up, and his vizor was gone. He looked like he was trying so hard to look sincere, but that he also hated that he was trying so hard to look sincere. It was a strange expression, to be honest.

 

    You started laughing. You laughed for multiple reasons. The look on his face, the fact that he expected you to believe him, the fact that maybe deep down inside, you wanted to. It sounded devoid of humor.

 

    " _Oh!_ Oh, that's _great._ That's _rich._ That's _spectacular._ "

 

    "I'm _trying-_ " It sounded like he was losing his patience.

* * *

**Why were they being so difficult?**

**No, he knew why.**

**That part of him.**

**Some of that hatred.**

**It resided in them now.**

_**t at's not the tr th** _

_**you know   e  reaso** _

 

_**you deserve it** _

 

 

* * *

 

    "Look, bucko." You'd had it up to here. "The fact of the matter is, _this_ ," you gestured between the two of you,"just doesn't _work_. It will _never_ work."

 

    You'd meant it when you said it, but for some reason, an already scarred and broken part of your heart shattered even more then.

 

    " _Just-_ " he reached out and started toward you, but you weren't afraid.

 

    You were leaving.

 

    He stopped.

 

    'Don't.

 

    Don't look lost.

 

    Don't look sad.

 

    Don't look like you'll cry without me.

 

    You won't.

 

    You'll-'

 

    You broke down, cancelling the exit command at the last second. You couldn't do this.

 

    You had felt it. Felt his heart _need_ you. Felt his heart reach out to yours in a desperate final plea to never leave him alone. That couldn't be faked.

 

    You sat on the floor, crying like the pathetic whelp you supposed you were. Why he _wanted **you**_ , you didn't understand. You were a sap. He liked to make people cry. It didn't fit together. Incompatible-

 

    He smushed you to him like a pro wrestler going for the kill. For a confused and alarming moment, you thought you were being attacked. But you didn't sense any hostility. He was hugging you. Forcing your bodies together like that kid who forced the wrong shapes into the wrong slots. Something slowly started to heal inside of you at that moment. But there was a problem.

 

    "Can't breath," you gasped out, the corners of your vision going red, something far more horrible at the back of your mind starting to creep up, oh god, not again-

 

    He dropped you like a hot potato, desperately searching your face for something, terrified. You chugged air like you needed it. Oh wait, you did. You looked at his face. Oh. It freaked him out too. Something was deeply comforting about that. You watched his eyes constantly scanning you for anything wrong.

 

    He did care.

 

    "Okay," you started,"let's lay out some ground rules. Maybe in the future, avoiding anything that could even potentially choke me would be a good idea. Actually, frankly, if you don't pinky swear me right now that you'll never ever do that again, and I don't _feel that shit_ being true in my/your's hearts, I'm leaving again." You spoke true words.

 

    He locked eyes with you, grabbed for your hand before you could even offer it, and put your pinkies in an interlock.

 

    " _Never."_

 

    He sounded out of breath. You felt the weight of it reach you. You _felt_ it. He would die before he ever did anything like that to you again, and he meant it.

 

    You collapsed onto him in relief, feeling safe that you could do that now. You knew it would take time to feel fully comfortable around him again. And that was okay. But for now, you were just so emotionally drained, and you just-

 

    You snuggled deeper into him, putting your arms around him and nuzzling him with your face. Because he was letting you. He wasn't returning any affections, in fact, he was rather still. That was okay too. Maybe he was afraid to.

 

    Fuck, this guy's a furnace. In the best way possible. What kind of maximum comf' bullshit was this, you were getting sleepy...

* * *

**They fell asleep on him.**

**Literally on him.**

**He was baffled at how quick they seemed to be at cuddling up to him again.**

**He let them.**

**For no particular reason-**

_**it felt nice  
** _

**...**

**It felt nice.**

**How he had hugged them earlier, that was a fluke that-**

_**you wanted to** _

**...**

**He wanted to.**

**He wanted.**

**So he would take.**

**With them-**

**...**

**With /Name/ there,**

_**your /Name/       ** _

**it was easier to satisfy that need.**

**He looked at their content sleeping form.**

**Flicked a piece of their hair.**

**It shouldn't have been so satisfying just to be able to.**

**Shouldn't.**

**_Shouldn't._ **

**Did 'shouldn't' matter?  
**

**No.**

**How would /Name/ have put it?**

**Fuck 'shouldn't.'**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *loooooooong sigh*  
> *inhale*  
> YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS
> 
> So, you may have noticed how I describe Vanitas' body heat. I like to believe, personally, that
> 
> SOME DARKNESS RUNS HOT IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WINKWONK WINKWONK WINKWONK


	17. Waves Differ

    You awoke swaddled in warmth and love. There's nothing that can't be said to sing the praises of a good old fashioned blank- wait. This ain't a blanket. You raised your head to see what was going on. Oh, that's right. You fell asleep on top of Vani. Hmm, 'Vani'. Probably shouldn't call him that out loud. Or maybe you should.

 

    You took stock of your current position. Apparently Vanitas had lied down to sleep at some point as well, and now you were lying on top of him on your stomach. It slowly drifted into your brain just how flush together you were, your legs dipped down in between his, and you didn't know if he had made the decision consciously to put an arm around your back, but there it was.

 

He was either asleep or pretending to be, and that was a blessing, because your face was on fire. Attempting to gather your wits, you tried to get off him without waking him, but of course he was a light sleeper and his eyes shot open. You quickly scrambled off him the rest of the way, ushering a quick apology out of reflex, because time was indeed needed for you to feel fully safe around him.

 

    "Ah, woah, geez, sorry, please don't kill me."

 

    You scurried to the window and slotted yourself in behind the curtain to hide your red face, because you were a mature adult. You pressed your face to the glass to cool it down. Knocked your head against it gently a few times, to knock all the emotions in your head back to their appropriate places. When you were done, you peeked around the curtain to see what he was doing. It was suspiciously quiet.

 

    He'd stood up, and was just watching you silently, expression neutral. Oh boy. It looked like he had think thonks going on. You didn't know if that was good or bad. You stepped out from behind the curtain to greet him.

 

    "Uh, good morning."

 

    He gave you the deep contemplation puzzle solving look. Remained silent. Okaaay, this is a _smidge_ awkward.

 

    "Uh, you're awful quiet, everything okay over there?"

 

    "I..." He looked like he really didn't know what to say.

 

    You couldn't really blame him, after the shit typhoon that...oh god, when was that? Everything felt longer when it was dipped in shit. Was it just yesterday? The day before? You didn't know what fucking time it was. You thought it would be a good idea to clear the air. Take out the dirty rugs and really beat the shit out of them. Okay, wait, hmm. Nicer terminology. You would...have a nice cup of tea with whoever the fuck and whatever the fuck was at the end of a rainbow. Better.

 

    "So, uh...that was some shit that happened, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha..." Reign in the nervous laughter. "But um, I think we should, just, like, you know," oh my gosh get to the point,"go back to how it was. By which I mean, just...be, friends with each other. Right, yeah, we're friends. We'll get past this." Right? Who were you trying to convince? You carried on, you had to let him know you still liked him for him. Just minus the strangly bits.

 

    "So just, be yourself. It's okay. I like you. Call me an idiot if you want, it's never offended me." Because at this point, you just assumed it was practically a pet name.

 

    "But..."

 

    What? He wasn't seriously going to object to-

 

    "You _are_ an idiot."

 

    He said it so straight faced and matter-of-factly. It took you a second, but you started laughing. It was hilarious, because he probably meant it. When you regained control, you went and stood beside him, nudging his shoulder with yours.

 

    "Well, look who's got an idiot as a friend, then?" 

 

    You couldn't help but smile at him. He looked just a touch offended. Just a touch.

 

    "It's not my fault you won't grow a brain."

 

    He flicked your forehead to emphasize his point. You hissed and swatted his hand away, pouting at him. Was this going to be a regular thing?

 

    "What is with you and my forehead?" You grumbled, keeping it covered with one hand. "What did it ever do it you?"

 

    "It exists."

 

    You did your best to hold a frown, but you felt your eyes crinkling in humor. The way he could say such things with a dead seriousness got to you.

 

    There was a comfortable lull where you two just looked at each other casually. It gave your mind time to stew. An idea smashed you affectionately.

 

    "Hey!" Your eyes lit up. "You know what we should do? We should _both_ go to the hardware store, and you can pick out shit you wanna smash."

 

    Honestly, you could both stand to let off some steam. Maybe you would smash something yourself. And consume copious amounts of ice cream. And- oh. Your idea ran into a brick wall.

 

    "Wait, I'm broke. ...ASS."

 

    You'd been budgeting properly, paying off the inn in advance, but your next payment was coming up soon and after everything else you'd bought, you could barely afford even that now. You had to go TA WURK.

 

    "Listen, I have to go to work, because I can't afford shit right now. Let's meet up later?"

 

    He gave you a look like you were dumb. Gee, it was almost hard to tell, what with how he'd never say such things about you.

 

    "Why? I can get what we need easily."

 

    "Huh? You have munny?"

 

    Where did he get it? Oh god, did he steal it? He gave you an evilly confident smirk sneer thing.

 

    "Don't need it."

 

    ...Oh. He didn't steal money, he stole items- wait. You looked around, remembering the snack bag from last night or whenever the fuck. You spotted it on the floor behind you. A vivid short movie about Vanitas stealing candy played on the forefront of your mind. You could see the headlines. 'Dark Thief Steals Candy.' Vanitas literally stole candy. Pffffft, no, you're good, not gonna laugh. But he stole candy. For you. This needed to be addressed. You gave him your sternest scolding look.

 

    "Vanitas! Now, I appreciate the thought, but you can't just go around stealing things! That's not how the world works."

 

    He huffed. " _Your_ world. I can do whatever I want."

 

    Technically true. But, but-

 

    "What if a store owner can't feed their kids because you took stuff without paying, and now they can't meet their quota?! You have to think about these things."

 

    "It's not my problem if they can't get food."

 

    _Fuck. ...Shit. ...Damn._ That was _cold_. You shuddered from how cold it was.

 

    " _WELL!_ I disagree whole heartedly! In fact, you're just a meanie pants, because you should care! Are you telling me you would let a child starve to death when you could've done something about it?"

 

    You realized as soon as you said it that he might say 'yes', and that terrified you.

 

    Now he was staring you down. "...how is it _my problem?_ "

 

    Okay, that wasn't an outright 'yes.' Still concerning. Unless... You softened.

 

    "Vanitas...it's okay to admit to wanting to help someone. Even if your style of help is throwing a piece of bread in their face, telling them to fuck off, and running away. Because I know that's your style."

 

    He laughed. It was deep, slow, devoid of humor.

 

    "You think I _care_ about anyone but-" he stopped.

 

    An unspoken 'you' hung heavy in the air. You were both shocked for a moment, but he quickly scowled and turned on his heel, bringing his vizor back up and leaving.

 

    "Uh, wait, where-"

 

    He didn't answer, gone through a dark portal before you could blink. Whuh...? Okay, that hurt your feelings, but... things got heated, maybe he needed space. Maybe... Your eyes widened. Maybe he was protecting you. From himself. Before he did anything he would regret, because of the way he got smashy when he had too many emotions and he couldn't deal.

 

    Or maybe he just stomped out like a petulant child. Who knows. You sighed heavily. Well...did this count as a first argument? Who knows. Who cares. You were just happy it wasn't a friendship ending catastrophic event. You would go to work, go to 'I Got Fucked In Half' tree later, see if he was there. If not, he needed more time. You would miss him, but you were starting to understand that this relationship was sailing rough waters.

 

    Luckily, you were someone who could handle rough waters.

 

    As long as they didn't knock you off the boat and kill you. Or go on for fucking ever. Or-

 

    You just went to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've all been leaving such nice comments and I'm just ahhhhhhhh  
> Thankies *throws out cupcakes*


	18. Breath

    You lugged around a wagon full of packages and letters, going door to door around town. It wasn't the most complex job, which is why it was usually available and paid just okay. But it was there for you. You looked at the address on the current package to double check it.

 

    "You really do this all day?"

 

    HECK. You jumped a foot in the air, then span rapidly. There he was. You didn't expect to see him again so soon. The vizor was still up, which you assumed was because he was in public, or maybe he just felt like it.

 

    "Uh, hi?!"

 

    " _This_ is what you find so  _fulfilling_ you just had to do it?"

 

    You squared your shoulders, looking him in his big helmet face.

 

    "Yes," you stated simply, proudly.

 

    Looking back at the package, you went to knock on the door and deliver it. But something snatched it out of your hands. You quickly turned to see Vanitas holding it, walking back, tossing it up and down like it was just a ball.

 

    "This building?"

 

    You were confused.

 

    "Uh, yes?"

 

    He gave a 'hmph,' looking up to the second story window. The arm with the package went back into a throwing position.

 

    "WAIT, DON'T YOU DARE-"

 

    _CRASH_

 

    You flinched bigly. Big flinch. Your head told you to save your career, and you dived into the nearest alley, so people wouldn't look to see the commotion and then associate you with it. Vanitas casually followed. You pointedly pointed at him.

 

    "W _hat_ the _heck?!_ " You whisper-yelled.

 

    "You said it was the right building."

 

    He sounded unaffected, but you just _knew_ he was tittering silently under his helmet like a maniac.

 

    "YOU BROKE A-" you lowered your voice to a whisper,"you broke a window!"

 

    "Did I?" He turned his head back to look, as if assessing damage he hadn't noticed before. "Huh."

 

    You seethed, your lecture mode already on again. You continued your whisper-yell.

 

    "What if someone got hurt?!"

 

    "I didn't throw it _that_ hard."

 

    "YOU BROKE A-," shhh,"a window."

 

    "Your point?"

 

    What-?! Calm down, breath. You rubbed your temples. He was doing this to purposely rile you up. As was his thing. As far as your list of Vanitas Things went, this one wasn't your favorite. You couldn't lecture him again, that didn't work, and would probably just add to his internal tittering. You needed a new tactic.

 

    Of course. Guilt. You would guilt trip him. Wait, no, that wouldn't work either. Would it? Arrgghh. You hugged the brick alley wall. It would comfort you.

 

    "Look, Vanitas. I love this wall. Just like I love my job." You didn't, but whatever to get your point across. "Are you going to destroy it too?"

 

    You looked at him sadly, with your best puppy dog eyes, while embracing your love, Wall. He walked toward you in a painfully slow manner. Nothing about his posture changed, but you could've sworn he was prowling, a black panther about to pounce on their prey. You gripped Mr. Wall tighter, you would protect him.

 

    Vanitas didn't stop at your personal bubble. In fact, he slowly cruised past it, until he was right behind you, practically pinning you to the wall. His face right next to yours, even if you couldn't see it, he placed his hand on the wall right in front of your eyes, slowly dragging his fingertips down it.

 

    "Looks like a pretty lousy wall."

 

    His voice was low, private, reserved only for you.

 

    "Y-you're just jealous," you replied, trying to keep your composure.

 

    "What if I am?"

 

    His voice had lowered another octave, taking on a growlish quality. He inched forward enough so that your bodies were just touching, his head leaning closer to yours. The vizor stripped back so he could look you in the eyes. There was an intense heat there you had never seen before. One that went straight to your gut and started pooling lower.

 

    Red alarms blared throughout your entire system, except this time, they were of an _entirely_ different type. His eyebrows raised a little, a grin that was nothing but predatory slowly slipping onto his face. You realized too late that you had made a high pitched noise in the back of your throat.

 

    "What's the matter? Afraid of your _destroyer?_ "

 

    Your noses were practically touching at this point, and he was so close, encompassing you everywhere, you were hyperventilating, couldn't respond, frozen-

 

    Another sound escaped. His mouth opened on an exhale, the breath spreading over your face. His eyes dipped to your lips, his brows furrowing. Then he leaned back, looking confused, and he was gone.

 

    Your knees were shaking. You let yourself sit down, leaning against the wall. What the _hell_ was that?

 

    "Don't dawdle too long."

 

    You jumped. He was still there, just on the other side of the alley, vizor back up.

 

    "I thought you _loved_ your job?" He mocked, turning and lazily waving one hand goodbye as he disappeared into darkness.

 

    Your job? Oh yeah, that was a thing. For now, you were too befuddled and heated to care.

 

* * *

_**What was he feeling?** _

**He had never felt this before.**

**Couldn't identify it.**

**He wanted something, but he didn't know what.**

**How could he take what he wanted if he didn't know what it was?**

**He was frustrated, angry at his own lack of understanding.**

**A heat surged through his system, one he had no idea what to do with.**

**Maybe he could ask-**

_**No.** _

_**They** _ **were the idiot who didn't know things.**

**Not him.**

**He would just channel this feeling like he did all his others.**

**Into power.**

**Taking down a few more trees would get rid of this feeling.**

**So he did.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm such a hornball when it comes to Vanitas. If this fic ever goes to M, waaaaay in the future, I'll always put a warning before chapters with smut, in case that's not your thing. But that's way off. We need PROPER EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT FIRST, I'M SORRY I CAN'T KEEP IT IN MY PANTS.


	19. Have You Here

    You went back to work after shaking yourself out several times. Work. Focus. Really hone in on the packages. They are your life now. Thankfully, the broken window owner didn't seem to be home, and just a few people from around even noticed anything amiss. You felt bad, like you should apologize for something that wasn't your fault. You sighed. Dealing with Vanitas was a toughie.

 

    If anyone ever asked, you were taking a brake, away from your wagon for just a moment when some _hooligan_   _scoundrel_ must've decided to start throwing shit. Hooligan scoundrel he was, that one. You found yourself shaking your head and sighing more oft than you'd like while on shift. You know what? You would get ice cream when you were done. Because you could afford it then.

 

    'Damn, this is the good shit,' you thought, as you nommed away, in your public safe space. You needed a little 'you' time. It was refreshing. You finished up and started drifting to the fuck tree- no, wait, that's not what it's called. Wonder why that went through your head? Anyway, it needed a proper name. Something for the ages. You would ask for Vani's input if you ended up meeting him there today.

 

    You arrived to no Vani, but going through the woods reminded you of some shit you could clean up. Because it was everywhere. You'd forgotten about...everything before. It was weird to look back on those days now, like they were just...different somehow. So much had happened, for the better and the worse.

 

    You went around daintily picking up broken things and putting them in a pile. Huh, kind of like a metaphor for your heart at the moment. Ugh, too deep sad. Just focus on picking up shit. You tried, but there was a kind of lingering sadness that followed you. It was annoying. And sad. Fuck, why were you sad? You had to stop for a moment, feeling a kind of painful numbness.

 

    You tried to figure out why it was happening. You considered that it might be remnants of what happened to you, still trying to process. To grieve. Maybe it had something to do with the weird shared heart shit you had going on with Vanitas.

 

    "Why do you look like I just kicked your puppy?"

 

    Speak of the devil. You ignored the question part, not wanting to talk about it.

 

    "If you ever kick a puppy, I _will_ disown you."

 

    He scoffed. " _Noted_."

 

    It sounded sarcastic, but he was probably writing a mental note not to kick puppies in that darkness head of his. Actually, you needed to know something for your own peace of mind.

 

    "You've never kicked a puppy, right? _Right?_ "

 

    You wished he didn't have that damn vizor up, so you could see his face. It would be easier to tell if he lied. He paused while looking at you, you supposed for dramatic effect. Wished for. If it was because he didn't want to admit to literal puppy kicking-

 

    "Never got the opportunity."

 

    " _Vanitas!_ " You shoved him on his shoulders, then got right up in his vizor space. " _Never. Kick. Puppies._ "

 

    You would not bend on this. _Ever._ Stealing was one thing, breaking windows another, but kicking helpless animals was on a whole different level that was actually evil. He cocked his head to side.

 

    "You think I would." It was a statement, not a question.

 

    You realized just how low you had set the bar for him, ever since... I mean, could you really be blamed?

 

    "I...am worried about... Look, you set this low standard yourself when you-"

 

    You stopped. You couldn't think about that. Not now. Not ever. You walked away, rubbing your hands over your face and head, looking for a distraction, anything.

 

    "You're right."

 

    You looked back at him at the admission, still fighting an internal struggle of distress and hating it. He turned to face you, vizor gone.

 

    "For once, you're using whatever's in that head of yours. You're right. I'm dangerous."

 

    He stated it as a fact he was reserved to. It rubbed you the wrong way.

 

    "But that's...! Look, self awareness is good. But...don't you ever wanna like... _not_ be terrible?" You flinched, you hadn't meant to say it like that. "Shit, bad phrasing, look-"

 

    "It's what I am. I thought you _accepted_ that? Or was that a lie?"

 

    He was starting to get pissed off. You couldn't blame him, you really messed up your words there. You breathed, suddenly calm with a truth you felt.

 

    "You're not. You promised me, remember? And I believe that promise. Because you do, too. You just have some...natural tendencies. That's okay. You can work on being less destructive. If you want. Because at the end of the day, it's your life. I shouldn't be telling you how to live it. ...But, no, really, you _have_ to know that kicking puppies is wrong, you're just fucking with me, aren't you?"

 

    He looked at you, mock impressed. Sarcastic clapped exactly two times.

 

    "What a speech. 'I don't kick puppies,' is that what you want to hear?"

 

    You grinned, because you had won at bringing out his humanity, even if he didn't realize it.

 

    "Yes!"

 

    You moseyed on back to picking up shit. Ah, what beautiful shit. You could almost sing, you were in such a good mood now. You vaguely realized what a mood swing you'd just pulled, but you would take it. Fuck that depressing shit. You know what? You would sing.

 

    "Iiii'm dreaming, of a whiiiite Christmaaas. Just like the oonnes I used to knooow~"

 

    You turned to him with a shit-eating smile. He looked like he had stumbled across two bucks violently fucking in the woods, but couldn't look away. You went over to him and grabbed his hands, trying to spin in a circle with him, which barely happened because of his resistance, but you tried your best to drag him along. He looked, as one might describe, 'goht darn confounded.'

 

    "Don't you dre~eee~eam of a white Christmas, Vani?"

 

    He yanked his hands back, taking a step away, staring you down like an annoying insect he wanted to swat, but was also baffled by because it was wearing a tiny knit hat.

 

    "No. What are you on?"

 

    You span in happy circles, because making Vanitas have that look on his face was the greatest feeling in the world and you didn't want it to stop. You hopped the distance that he'd put, landing in front of him perfectly, spine straight, like an exquisitely fancy person.

 

    "Nothing. You?"

 

    "I'm surrounded by your stupidity, and it's horrible."

 

    You were stupid. Stupidly _happy._ In a bold moment of exuberance, you leaned in to boop your noses together.

 

    "Boop."

 

    His face went blank. HA! Now who's causing who to have a brain shutdown? Muahahahaha! You rubbed your hands together in evil glee as you villain haunched away. Then you looked back to see what he was doing. He had his hand to his nose, looking at it, almost cross-eyed.

 

    "What, you've never been snoot booped before?" You asked jovially.

 

    Nothing but his eyes turned to face you, everything else staying still right where it was. Then he added a slight squint to the mix.

 

    "Snoot...booped...?"

 

    It was _so_ foreign on his tongue. You instantly started laughing and trying to hold back laughing at the same time. He glared.

 

    "What's so funny?"

 

    "I never thought," it was so hard to talk, Vanitas saying 'snoot booped' like it was an odd foreign language on constant repeat in your mind,"that I would hear you say,' _snoot. Booped._ ' Pffffft-"

 

    You couldn't hold back. You caterwauled. Vanitas glared.

 

    "And what's so _hilarious_ about it?"

 

    It took you a moment to calm down enough to answer.

 

    "Because they're funny sounding words. Something I'd expect out of me, but not you. Truly, you have blessed me with your snoot boop presence today."

 

    You bowed to him to thank him for his great blessing.

 

    "You're making no sense."

 

    "Ah, but isn't that what you expect of me?"

 

    A 'touche' sort of expression crossed his face, but he quickly wiped it off.

 

    "You're right, I don't know what I expected. ... _Idiot._ " It was like he tacked it on the end just because he wanted to for fun.

 

    You sighed in a good-natured sort of long-suffering.

 

    "Oh yeah, hey, give me a few days and then we can start smashing shit again. After I _buy_ the items with my _munny_ that I _earned_ at my _job_ that you tried to ruin today."

 

    He rolled his eyes.

 

    "I'm telling you it's unnecessary, but if you want to waste your time, go ahead."

 

    "Thank you, I will- hey! It's not a waste of time!"

 

    An idea struck you like a magical magic magical. You developed a shit-eating kind of coy smile.

 

    " _Oooooh,_ Vanitaaas?"

 

    He glared, suspicious. " _What?_ " He asked roughly.

 

    " _I_...can make more money than you can. Guaranteed. One hundred percent."

 

    You looked at him with a mild, happy kind of smugness.

 

    "Is this your sorry attempt at making me get a job?"

 

    "Yes! I mean-...you're just afraid you'll lose."

 

    " _You're_ just afraid to quit that useless job because you don't know how to get anything any other way."

 

    OOOOOOOOO, _look_ at _him_ , with his spicy comebacks.

 

    "You say that like you think jobs have no purpose or value in society- wait, you do. Never mind."

 

    Well, that flopped spectacularly. Plan B, go!

 

    "What about ice cream? They have a spicy curry flavor." You didn't ask how or why. Just appreciated.

 

    You were determined to find something you both liked that you could relate over. _Determined._

 

    "Why do you keep trying to get me to eat garbage?"

 

    "Because it's not garbage and I think you could find something you actually like if you _tried_."

 

    You internally barfed a little at how much parent-trying-to-reach-their-delinquent-teen you came off as there. Welp.

 

    "You can't tell me what to do."

 

    OH MY GOD. NO. NOPE. STOP THIS TRAIN. YOU'RE GETTING OFF. ABORT. You launched into _anything_ else to avoid being roped into the same category as 'parent.' Barf.

 

    "Hey, ya like movies?!" Good, crisis avoided. "They have some playing now over in that little area...thing. Ya know what, let's just go, let's go right now."

 

    You tried to shove him in that direction, to get this party train rolling, but it was like shoving a giant anvil.

 

    "Why are you acting even more idiotic than usual all of a sudden?"

 

    You gave up pushing, sat down in a heap for honesty hour.

 

    "I feel like there's not a lot of stuff we relate on. And like, that's okay and everything, I just feel...I don't know. ...Inadequate? As a friend? Because we don't relate on much? Gah, never mind me, that's stupid. Forget I mentioned it."

 

    He was silent for a moment. Then,"I agree." He went to lean against a tree opposite you. "You are stupid."

 

    Your eye twitched.

 

    "OHH KAY, I get it! Your love song to me is calling me an idiot, seesh!"

 

    You put your chin in your hand and leaned on it, exasp-pouty. The pout of exasp was _happening_. He looked taken aback _and_ insulted. It wasn't like you'd told him his hair _wasn't_ on fleek today. Because when was it ever not? He sputtered once. Just once. Oh, a Vanitas sputter. That was new. Like seeing a rare bird in flight and then it's gone.

 

    "Don't get the wrong idea, id-! ...Idiot!" It was like he second guessed himself, then decided to stick to his guns.

 

    "Hey, man. Not my fault you use it every other sentence," you replied calmly.

 

    "How does that mean _anything?_ "

 

    You looked him in the eye, the picture of serenity and grace.

 

    "Why, it's simple my dearest Vani. You love me."

 

    You were purely teasing him now, revenge. Obviously, he didn't feel _that_ way about you. That was the joke. Seconds ticked by as he processed. He blinked.

 

    "Have you...lost your mind?"

 

    A much calmer response than what you were expecting. You could work with this. Finally, the tide was on the other foot. Uh...yeah, sure.

 

    "No, just my heart. Have you seen it? I think I last left it with you."

 

    YEAH, TAKE IT, BITCH. LEARN WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. His eyes narrowed a fraction, his face turning fully serious, and you worried you took it too far. Or unleashed hell. Either was bad.

 

    "Actually, I did see it. It was in the garbage dump where it belongs, because you're a useless human being." Dead straight faced serious.

 

    You were in awe. Wwww

 

    "wwwwwoooooowwwww. That was incredible." You started clapping furiously. "Bravo! On point!"

 

    The slightest pinch of his face happened.

 

    "What?"

 

    "That was great, dude! I tell ya, you have the best zingers."

 

    "I-... _you're useless._ " He tried again, with more venom.

 

    Poor, poor soul didn't understand what was happening.

 

    "Yeah! I'm useless! What else?"

 

    He looked frustrated.

 

    "You're a stupid, pointless, worthless," you nodded your head along with his words as if to say 'go on,'"weak, pathetic, bug! You're a pest! You've been nothing but trouble for me ever since we met! I wish you would just-" he grasped for words.

 

    Wow, he was really getting it out of his system, huh? He seemed genuinely upset at you. You just listened with patience and understanding. He wasn't continuing. Was he done? He was just breathing heavily and looking away now. Time to extend the olive branch.

 

    "...See? Doesn't that feel better to get it out of your system?"

 

    You weren't offended in the slightest, which hopefully didn't annoy him. It probably did, though. He froze. Turned to face you again, standing tall stiffly, expression neutral.

 

    "You tricked me." A simple statement. "You _tricked_ me." Oh dear, where was this going?

 

    He looked like he was almost in pain for a moment, then went full throttle on a riotous laughter that sounded half insane, half like someone laughing for the first time and didn't know how. It was a terrifying cacophony, sounding at war with itself, harsh, broken, then joyous, but somehow pained. You were chilled and greatly concerned, shooting to your feet, taking a step toward him, but not sure if going closer was a good idea. You reached out to him, but left him a few feet of space, really not knowing what to do.

 

    It went on, him hunched over, taking harsh jerky steps nowhere, his face hidden by his arms as he ripped at his hair.

 

_Ohgod whatdoyoudo panicpanicpanic he'snotokay he'snotokay howdoyouhelp howtohelphowtohelpfuckfuckfuck_

 

    You considered throwing something at him, just to snap him out of it, you were so desperate. But it stopped as quickly as it started. The sudden silence was deafening. You froze half crouched, having been going for a stick. You slowly turned your head to look. He was doubled over, one hand over his face, frozen in a harsh claw grip, the other gripped around his neck.

 

    You panicked even more, had he strangled himself to make it stop?! You ran to his side immediately, grabbing the hand around his neck with both of yours and ripping it off as hard as you could. You were so thankful that it gave. You'd been yelling nonsense words at him in your panic, just trying to get his attention, to snap him out of it.

 

    You panted harshly, gripping his hand with yours like it was a lifeline. You splayed his hand open, then pressed it against your heart.

 

    "Look, I'm here, it's okay, see?" You desperately tried to comfort him.

 

    You tried to see his face past his hand, to check what kind of condition he was in. It was fruitless. You were worried utterly sick.

 

    "Vani, please, talk to me, it's okay now, it's okay," you pleaded, while also trying to comfort him.

 

    He just wouldn't respond. Against your better judgement, you left his hand on your heart and loosely wrapped your arms around him, giving him plenty of room to escape, but still letting him know you were there. One of your hands started gently carding through his hair, hoping it was comforting. It felt like an eternity passed.

 

    The hand over your heart suddenly gripped your shirt to pull you closer, so he could hide his face on your chest, the hand that was covering it falling limply to his side. His grip on your shirt let go to move to your back, where he gripped on again and shoved you closer.

 

    Oh, thank _God_ , he was responsive. You told yourself he would be okay. Because he would. You would make sure of it. You held him, still not too tightly, still running your hand through his hair. Now that it was a little calmer, it occurred to you just how much you were holding on to him as he was holding on to you. You actually noticed things, like the texture on his body suit, and that his hair wasn't silk, but it was softer than you expected.

 

    You were a silent paragon of comfort, letting him take as long as he needed. At one point, you let your head down to rest it on top of his. You hadn't meant to, but you noticed the scent of his hair. It made you think of food that someone had burnt and charred to hell and back, then put in the freezer. It was subtle, odd, but not entirely bad.

 

    You thought about happier, future meetings with him, where you would greet him as 'Frozen Burnt.' Would he ever figure it out? Hell no, who would?

 

    You were suddenly shoved away. Vanitas had turned around and was gone before you could even see his face. You guessed that was the point. His sudden exit left you feeling empty, and you lied down on the grass, exhaustion from the emotional whiplash you had experienced today setting in.

 

    Sure, sleep right here, why not? You drifted off thinking of all the good times you were going to make sure you and Vani had in the coming days.

 

* * *

**He stumbled and caught himself on a tree, furiously rubbing any remaining signs of weakness off of his face.**

**He had gotten out without them seeing, but it had taken him forever to recover even that much.**

**He couldn't believe how long he had to remain still to keep himself from breaking down like a pathetic weakling.**

**His chest rang with a hollowed out pain.**

**Why did that, _that-!_**

**No words could describe how he felt about them right now.**

**They kept making his life harder**

_**b t er** _

**by making him...!**

**What?**

_**Feel?** _

**He wanted to laugh again, this time entirely bitter.**

**There had been something about the _idiot_ tricking _him_ that was so ridiculous it made him feel this horrible bubbling that built up until it escaped.**

**He wouldn't lie to himself about what it was.**

**Not anymore.**

_**Humor.** _

_**Bliss.** _

_**Amusement.** _

**All based in the positive spectrum.  
**

**He wasn't used to feelings like that.**

**They overwhelmed him.**

**Hurt.**

**Then _they_**

_**/N me** _

**were there to _comfort_ him.**

**Something he had never had before.**

**It just made him feel worse.**

**Made it harder not to break.**

**...**

**But it worked.**

**He had wanted more, tried to take it, and they let him.**

**Something new started to creep into his chest at the thought.**

**He shut it down, not able to take any more unexpected feelings today.**

**He forced himself to go completely numb, getting rid of everything.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic gives me emotional whiplash. I'm internally cackling one minute, crying the next. HERE'S 3200 WORDS I VOMITED OUT, HAVE FUN I GUESS.
> 
> Also, there's a line in here that I forgot I wrote that made me laugh the loudest I have in like ever when I was proofreading. So good on me I guess.
> 
> Also also, 3 0 , 0 0 0 flippin words. I never thought this shit would happen so HERE *throws out free food and confetti of all kinds*


	20. F-U-C-K. Sitting in a tree.

    _Ouch._ You shifted, still half asleep, grasping for the offending object. _A ha!_ ...Wait, why is there a stick in your be- oooooh. You really needed to stop waking up in places that weren't your bed. You creakily got up, stretching and cracking out your soreness. Boy, that uneven dirt will do it to ya. You thought fondly of your bed. You got a strange feeling. It was concern. Would you be able to sleep there, in that same room, since...

 

    You loved that room. You didn't want to have to move rooms, but if it spawned bad memories, and you didn't feel safe... You would change rooms if you had to, but you hoped for the best. A thought occurred to you, that you had preferred to literally sleep on the dirt instead of going back to your room, and maybe that said something, but also maybe you were just that exhausted. You filed it away.

 

    It was time for other things. Like...huh, freedom of choice, eh? Had to pass the time worrying about Vani some way. Well, the monotony of work would be soothing, plus _MuNnY_. You wanted _MuNnY._ Munny it was. You went through the motions, trying to make as much as you could as quickly as possible. The grind was satisfying, if only because you came away from it with a fat wad of dough. ...Decent sized wad of dough. It would do.

 

    You had a meal at the bistro to relax, and you thought to yourself about how you'd like to get Vani something, but alas. Twas just not to be, at least at the moment. Would he ever like or even go for food? Big shrug on that one, mate.

 

    After, you went back to...oh, darn it, you didn't get a chance to name it yesterday. _Whehlp._ A lot happened. You wanted to see Vani, that he was okay, but didn't get your hopes up. It'd only been a day. You hopped up to sit on the yet unnamed tree half, letting one leg dangle, just looking at nature, killing time.

 

    Eventually, you got bored and started imagining all the things you could draw on the bark. Inspiration struck. You didn't have to _just_ draw things. You could _glitter._ You smiled. Then frowned. Vani probably didn't like glitter. Or _maybe_...glitter was an explosion of colorful destruction that lingered on everything and never came off. ...Darn, that probably wouldn't work. Because it's _glitter._ Vani would take one look and incinerate it. Oh well. Maybe he would be okay with red paint.

 

    Vani never showed up. Day one, bust. Time to face the music of your sweet room you wanted to love, but felt apprehension toward. Huh, like you felt about Vani himself sometimes. You trudged onward, marched up the steps, opened the door and...oh hey, the snacks. That's a sweet deal. But your eyes were drawn to where it all happened.

 

    It was an innocent looking part of the room, nothing seemed amiss. Everything was as it was left, all throughout. Snacks, forgotten drink, kicked game board. It looked fine. Everything was fine.

 

    You gasped for air, quickly retreating, slamming the door shut once safely out of there. You couldn't do it. You wanted to. The memory was just too fresh. What did you do? You had to clean up in there before you could move rooms, and your payment was due _tonight_. You couldn't pay for two rooms. You honestly didn't care, you just wanted out of here.

 

    You payed for the room for several more days, asking for another pillow and blanket. Luckily, no questions were asked, though you were given a look. They were probably suspicious what you were using all of them for. You'd return the others another day. For now, you pretended you were going back to your room, but instead smuggled out your sleeping gear. Namine's room again it was.

 

    The slog all the way back to the mansion was depressing. It was getting late, and you just wanted to sleep all this away. You arrived, thankful you at least had a pillow and blanket to sleep with now, even if it was still a hard floor. Home sweet second room? You plopped down, curling up, hoping tomorrow was better.

 

    Something drifted at your unconscious, making it's way through your tense, troubled sleep. Was someone talking?

 

    "...-weak-...-is room-...-k here-..."

 

    The back of your sleeping mind registered something on your head, and you shifted. Everything was blank after that.

 

    You woke up feeling like you'd had a weird dream, but you couldn't remember. You shook yourself out, hoping you wouldn't have to get used to sleeping on floors. It wasn't the _best_ experience.

 

    You killed time, working a little more, going to Sunset Hill where you reminisced, window shopping, eating, watching a show, the usual. You ended back at Tree. The Tree. Gosh, it needed a name. You wished Vani was here, so you could ask. You turned your head, surveying the land, looking for name inspiration. What could that tiny rock tell you? Or that Vanitas? Or that weirdly shaped bush?

 

    You backtracked.

 

    "...hi!!!" You greeted, at the appropriate level of volume.

 

    You wanted to call him Burnt Frozen, but it was apparently a vizor day, and you wanted to see the look on his face when that happened.

 

    "Took you long enough. You're completely oblivious of your surroundings."

 

    Damn, he had you there.

 

    "Or maybe, you're just really good at blending in with trees."

 

    He wasn't. He stuck out profoundly against the backdrop of the tree he was leaning on. But that wasn't important. You had a burning question you needed to ask.

 

    "This tree! Our meeting spot. Needs a name. Real bad. Like, real, real, bad. Suggestions?"

 

    "It doesn't need a name."

 

    You balked.

 

    "Come on, dude, don't make me name this by myself. It's _our_ meeting spot, thus we should _both_ name it."

 

    You hit him with that sound logic.

 

    "If that's the case, then we should _both_ not name it."

 

    You frowny frowned at him.

 

    "But I've just been calling it-" Fuck Tree smashed it's way back into your brain unannounced. Don't say Fuck Tree. Don't say Fuck TreeDon'tSayFuckTreeDON'TSAYFUCKTREEDON'TSAYFUCKTREEDON'TSAY "Ffff...........Tree."

 

    Oh thank God.

 

    "Then call it 'tree.'"

 

    You slammed your hand down at the absurdity, appalfended. Offense was taken. Appalling. That he would even suggest such a thing.

 

    "Ab.Sol.UTELY NOT. I'm just gonna come up with a name on my own then, if you won't help. And then you'll be stuck with it."

 

   You stuck your tongue out at him, blowing a bit for good measure. Fine then, if that was how it was-...oh my god. What if you actually called it Fuck Tree? You had to cover your mouth, overcome with immature giggles. ' _DO IT,_ ' your mind yelled at you.

 

    "H-hey, wh-what ifffpft," you had to take a giggly goo break. This was so ridiculous. "LET'S CALL IT FUCK TREE, HAHAHAHA-"

 

    There was laughter happening, of some sort. Maybe a touch of insanity? Hmm? You went until you could go no more, rolling on the tree, smacking it intermittently. You gasped for air, catching your breath, finally done. You soaked in the post slight-insano-laugh relaxation and merriment. Suddenly everything seemed so much better, with GOOD OLD FUCK TREE IN THE HOUSE. You had another short burst for good measure.

 

    You turned your head toward Vani, he'd probably left. You'd probably scared him off. Oh look, he's indeed gone. ...Oh, no, he's actually gone. You started to feel a slight sadness and disappointment come on over your jubilation. You sighed, looking back up. Something in the corner of your vision caught your eye.

 

    Heh?! Why is Vani sitting up on a tree branch looking down at you like you're a theater play?

 

    "Uh?! Hey, what gives? What's up with the branching? I mean, why are you on a branch?"

 

    "Better view."

 

    "...You know, I've noticed something about you."

 

    You left it at that, wondering if he would ask about it. It was silent for a while as you contently stared at one another.

 

    "Which is...?"

 

    Oh wow, he did. That's neat. That made you feel real neato.

 

    "You...tend to watch like a hawk sometimes. Like you're watching a movie you can't tear your eyes away from. It's..." You were about to say 'creepy,' but stopped, not wanting to be mean. "Why do you do that?" You asked instead. "Or are you just kind of naturally intense?" The answer was yes, but maybe you'd get more detail.

 

    "Aren't you giving yourself too much credit?"

 

    "Aren't you staring down at me right now after having watched me laugh like a maniac for several minutes? Seriously, were you just...sitting there...watching a person go laugh-ape-shit? I mean, I guess that could be entertaining, I'd just find it kind of weird to stare at them the _whole_ time."

 

    "Maybe I find it hard to look away because you're a horrific train wreck."

 

    You gasped in delight.

 

    "Thank you, that's so sweet. ...Don't think I don't know that that's a compliment from you, who loves things such as train wrecks."

 

    "...Maybe I hate train wrecks. Why would you assume I don't?"

 

    You gave him a 'Seriously?' look.

 

    "Mmm, don't make me tout about your great love for me again."

 

    He hopped down, landing behind your lounging head on the tree. ...PffffFuck Tree.

 

    "You think _way_ too highly of yourself."

 

    You had to tilt your head back a little to see his head properly. Your instinct told you not to bear your neck to the ferocious bear. You tried your best to ignore it, and other previous bad encounter experience that told you to be careful about your neck around him. You would prove to your body that it was safe. Because it was. You (had to) believed that.

 

    "Mmmaaaybe," you answered.

 

    "You're wrong," he shot back.

 

    You let it die there, having nothing else you particularly wanted to say in that exact moment. After a few seconds of silence, he knelt down, and you gave him a questioning look, trying to keep your breathing calm with him this close to your very vulnerable breathy bits.

 

    He reached out, then flicked a bit of your hair. Now you gave him a questioning _and_ confused look. He didn't answer, just continued to very lightly play with your hair.

 

    "Uh?"

 

    "What?"

 

    "You're...I don't know what you're doing. What are you doing?"

 

    "None of your business."

 

    "You're...literally...touching my hair? What are you doing??? I swear, if you're subtly writing 'I'm an idiot' with a hair dye pen or something..."

 

    "Relax."

 

    Okay, not something you would've expected Vanitas to say to you. You quieted down, your face still set on 'confused.' After a bit more of... _something_ about your hair, his pointer finger trailed out of your hairline, slowly crossed your forehead, traveled to the tip of your nose, then back again. You were _utterly_ baffled. Was this some elaborate forehead flick set up? If not, what the _fuck_ was going on? His hand was back in your hair now.

 

    "Why do you want to call it Fuck Tree?" He said conversationally.

 

    It was so out of nowhere, and Vani just said 'fuck,' and fucking Fuck Tree, and holy shit- oh no, your face is burning up again. Okay, just answer casually, you were just having a nice normal conversation with Vani about the Fuck Tree. Your brain choked on it's own spit and died.

 

    "O-oh, you know, it's funny. Hahahahaha...I mean, I did kind of _lose it_ earlier, it was so great."

 

    "So you think fucking is funny?" It was said straight, matter-of-fact, like a man of science doing a routine interview.

 

    Dead. Dead. Brain dead. Hello? Is anyone there? Is this thing on? You couldn't feel your face under the ball of flame it had become. You felt two solid taps on your forehead.

 

    "Anyone home?"

 

    No. They died.

 

    "Fffffzzzghkfsh...!" Nonsense noises were made with your mouth as you clumsily darted up to stand and face him. "Y-you! You always do that!"

 

    He was still kneeling, his hand out where it had been in your hair.

 

    "Do what?" He stood slowly. "I just asked a question."

 

    He was deceptively calm for someone trying to start a riot.

 

    "You know exactly what! Y-y-y-you, say... _things!_ "

 

    "You also say things. Are you trying to say I shouldn't talk?"

 

    Ohhh HO HO HO. He could play dumb all he wanted, you were not going to stand for this. You wouldn't take this sitting down anymore.

 

    "Hey, Vanitas! Wanna _fuck?_ "

 

    His head moved a little. _God_ , you wished you could see his expression under there. You continued, making your point.

 

    " _See?_ It's not nice when people say shocking things to you, is it?!"

 

    You huffed and puffed angrily, trying to calm your breathing. You may have gone a _tad_ bit too far on that one. Oops. Maybe you should apologize. No, he deserved it. But you should be the bigger person. But he wouldn't think twice about doing something like that to you. But you weren't him. Ahhhhrrrrgg.

 

    "You think...that fucking is shocking?"

 

    ".........AAAARRRRRGGGG!"

 

    THIS BITCH DIDN'T LEARN. YOU WERE OUT. You stomped angrily off _FUCKING **FUCK** **TREE**_ and continued to stomp away. You intended to stomp all the way out of the woods. But then there he was, right at your side, slightly ahead, because FUCK his 'Thing.' He kept pace perfectly.

 

    "Why is it fucking that upsets you?"

 

    Maybe he was legitimately asking. Maybe he was just messing with you. You stopped and turned on him, initiating a square. A very angry square.

 

    "Are you actually asking? Because if you're just messing with me more, I'm out."

 

    "Let's say 'yes.'"

 

    "Great. You see, Vanitas, fucking is generally considered a private thing, so when people go asking about it out of nowhere, it tends to not be taken too well."

 

    You huffed, you couldn't believe you were having to explain this to him.

 

    "You were the one who named it Fuck Tree. I just asked why."

 

    That slowly rolled over you like a bullet train in excruciating slow motion. You blanched. Oh, god, he was right. You were so used to the word, that it didn't mean anything coming from you. You were so taken aback when Vanitas used it that you... You held your head in your hands, greatly embarrassed. Time to force out a deserved apology.

 

    "...You're right. I freaked out because I wasn't used to you saying 'fuck,' even though I say it all the time. That was a gross double standard. I jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry."

 

    "Then look me in the eye and say it."

 

    You peaked out from behind your hands. There's his beautiful face, eyes and all. You forced yourself to square your shoulders, looking him in the eye no matter how embarrassed you were, because you would be a shining example to him about how to actually apologize to people.

 

    "I'm sorry. I overreacted. I'll try my best not to do it again."

 

    There. Look at you, the shining example of a responsible adult.

 

    "I'd rather you didn't. It's more fun to watch." Shit-eating evil grin.

 

    "..."

 

    Remain calm. Adult. You're adulting right now. That's important.

 

    "So what do you think of fucking? You never answered."

 

    "..."

 

    You internally screamed with the rage of a thousand suns.

 

    " _Whehll._ _Van.i.tas._ You see, I did indeed name the tree that because it's funny. Because as I just explained, you don't expect a tree to be Fuck Tree."

 

    It was crude humor, yes, but _fuck_ it was funny.

 

    "That's not what I asked."

 

    Your brain backpedaled to what he asked. You inhaled deeply.

 

    " _I_...no comment."

 

    "Really? You talk about it all the time."

 

    "Not in a _literal_ sense."

 

    "...I see. Then what about Fuck Tree? Is it literal?"

 

    "N-no."

 

    "Why the stutter?"

 

    "B-because, shut up your face, that's why!"

 

    Excellent save. Superb. You would tell grandkids about that one. Not yours, just general grandkids.

 

    His unimpressed look spoke volumes. Like,'Nice save, idiot,' and,'What a liar.' That was fine, he could think what he wanted. ...But there was one thing that occurred to you.

 

    "Hey...Vani...you sure are asking a lot about" you 'coughed.' "How come?"

 

    " _Now_ you won't say it? ...Tch. It's none of your business."

 

    "That's fair."

 

    ...Oh, _goht_ , this silence was awkward. Did you change the subject? I mean, yes, obviously, but what to? Vanitas was looking at you with an appraisal sort of look, and it slightly concerned you. Then his eyes started roaming everywhere and you

 

    "What. The. Fuck. Are you doing? My eyes are up here, _Mister_."

 

    Oh, wow, sick scold /Name/.

 

    "I'm _trying_ to figure you out. You make no sense."

 

    "...Yeah, you've said that before. Why the sudden interest now?"

 

    And why was he admitting to trying to 'figure you out.' What does that even mean?

 

    "Forget it."

 

    He started walking away briskly. Surprised, you quickly went to catch up.

 

    "I'm going to get more stuff to destroy, with or without you." He stopped. " _Well?_ "

 

    This was a fast turn, you tried to keep up.

 

    "Uh, y-yes? W-with? What am I suppos-"

 

    He latched on to your arm, and it was darkness town again.

 

* * *

**Was _that_ what he had wanted?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know, fuck- i mean shit happens. Next time, shit gets wrecked maybe.


	21. Refrigerator Foreplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why, hello. Just here to say that while there's nothing M rated, there do be some mild smut toward the end, if you like to be forewarned about that kind of thing.

    Oh god, this again. You tried to get a better look around darkness spooksville. Dark, check. Floor has a weird purple texture, check. Strangely shaped towers in the distance, check. At least, as far as you could tell, see check mark one. You opened your mouth to ask about the place, but then you were staring at a wall of screws.

 

    Oh, hey, the hardware store! Vani dropped your arm, and you were grateful to not be dragged along anymore. He walked off immediately, presumably to find big strong stuff to smash bash, with his vizor back up. Huh, maybe it was an 'in public' thing. You trailed behind him, curious to see what he would pick. Actually...

 

    "Hey, if we're gonna get a lot of stuff, I should go get a cart."

 

    You were trailing away before he could finish his 'Don't bother.' Yes, Vani, you're a big strong man who can dead lift, that's understood. You were still going to get a cart for your own sake. You picked up drywall, wood, nails, and a hammer for yourself while trying to find Vani, because you needed to smashy smash too from time to time. By which you meant the first time and you were very excited about it.

 

    You finally stumbled across Vani in the steel piping section, where he had a city of big wood and steel on one arm.

 

    "Woah, geez, man, here, use the cart."

 

    He 'tch'ed at your cart (rude, this is a perfectly good cart), carrying on, tossing a big steel pipe on his developing arm city. You looked around to see if anyone was jaw dropped as you used to be at such feats of strength, but not a lot of people were in the store it seemed. Shame, there really is a beautiful show happening. You would just have to appreciate it all yourself then. Which you did.

 

    You followed him, but he seemed content with what he had, not adding anything more. Then he stopping in front of a refrigerator. Looked at it. Oh no.

 

    "Vani, I can't afford that-"

 

    A dark portal opened, and he casually tossed in all that was on his arm in one motion.

 

    "I told you, I don't need your munny."

 

    He toppled the fridge on to its side, then kicked it so hard it shot along the floor into the portal. The amount of incredibly loud noise that was happening was sure to attract attention, and you were terribly concerned about that alongside once again being jaw dropped at his antics. 'Antics.' Vanitas branded antics.

 

    "Meet me at the mansion."

 

    And there he goes. ... _Oh shit_ , there _you_ need to go too. You scrambled away quickly, not wanting to explain the disappearing fridge act. Sigh. You'd witnessed theft. You payed for your stuff and rented something to carry it in again, heading back to the mansion. Doubly sigh. How come _you_ had to be the one to carry all this shit back? Because you had _morals?_ Because you insisted on paying for your stuff? ...Yes, that was exactly why. Sigh in triplicate.

 

    There was a fridge on its side in the middle of the mansion's clear area. You sighed out your nose, pinching the bridge of it. This was your life. You walked inside the mansion gates to find Vani idly tossing a pipe up and down without even looking at it. You greeted him in a way that was only appropriate given the situation.

 

    "Hey, Literal Refrigerator Thief. Wow, I never thought I would say that... Anyway, how's life treating you?" You asked in greeting, pleasantly.

 

    He ignored the question, walking over to pick up the bat leaning against the wall. Hey, wait a minute...that's the bat you'd left under your bed since it wasn't used. Did he...go into your room to get that? Why? He held it out to you. You looked at him questioningly, slowly taking it. Once you were batted, he walked out to the fridge and stood next to it.

 

    "Let's see what you can do."

 

    _GASP_. Was he going to let _you_ smash his stolen fridge? ...To be honest, you should feel bad, but instead, you REALLY wanted to smash a fridge suddenly. Was this your great chance?

 

    "Do you, really...are you...are you gonna let me smash the fridge?!" You asked with great excitement.

 

    "What did I say? Now stop stalling and get over here."

 

    You gladly went, standing before the fridge as Vani took a few steps back, giving you room. Wow, this was really happening. Your nostrils flared as you got worked up, glaring down the fridge like it was your greatest enemy. Wait, that would work actually. You imagined Xehanort's bald ass veiny head as your target. You breathed deep to center yourself. Your favorite version of Vanitas' theme played through your heart and your head.

 

    You

 

    Beat

 

    The

 

    _Shit_

 

    out of that refrigerator. Blow after blow, adrenaline racing, you kept at it until you wore yourself into exhaustion. Everything you had, all the anger and hatred, came out. You screamed, not even realizing you were crying until after the fact. Everything that happened to you...everything that happened to everyone you loved...that happened to Vanitas...it was all set free from your heart in a storm rage.

 

    You fell backwards, unable to keep standing, the bat falling from your hands. Nothing registered but your rapid breathing and a heavy burden that felt half lifted, half like it was still seeping out in an unpleasant manner. You came back to yourself slowly, your limbs jelly, your heart numb with a hollowed out pain, yet somehow in some corner of yourself, you felt relief.

 

    You groggily peered up at Vani, who was standing over you, vizor gone now. You wondered what dictated whether he had it on or not.

 

    "Hey, why do you have that off and sometimes not?" You slurred slowly.

 

    Oops, looks like your brain is fried from exhaustion, filter gone. He tilted his head at you, watching you like someone would idly watch a cat do something vaguely cute.

 

    "Hey, don't just stare at me, answer the," you yawned,"question."

 

    He knelt down to stare at you closer, and your fried brain tried to determine his facial expression. The words _heat, hate_ , and... _pride, affection_ , lazily swam through your mind. The last two must be a glitch.

 

    "Why do you care?" He finally answered.

 

    "Because I like seeing your face."

 

    Hello, Exhaustion Drunk Honesty. How are you? Oh, honest, you say? Truthful? Oh, EDH, you always say that. Because it's true? Huh. You kept going before you could stop yourself, too far gone to care.

 

    "Have I ever told you how your face is beautiful? ...Mm, sorry, _handsome._ Either way, what does it matter?" You yawned again.

 

    Now he looked at you like you were slowly losing your mind. You were. A little bit.

 

    "Hey, mm trrd, hold mih nn ur bug strongk saff rrms."

 

    You were drifting, all you wanted was to zone out and relax. Gosh, have you been sleeping a lot lately? Feels like. Eh, what's it matter. You yawned again.

 

    "Start using English first." Mmm, your dearest was using his beautiful, perfect voice.

 

    That's nice, that's soothing, that's...

 

* * *

**What a wimp.**

**Passing out after a little bout like that?**

**Pathetic.**

**Although he hadn't expected them to seemingly throw everything they had into it.**

**He had expected even less the levels of rage and pain that they were channeling.**

**His corrosive darkness that they now held part of must have been affecting them.**

**It was something he would have to watch for.**

**Their form and strength was terrible, but watching them play out something he didn't think them capable of...**

**He had felt too many new things lately, and he didn't want to admit what all of them were.**

* * *

 

    You started regaining your senses to distant loud sounds. Everything hurt. _Wow_ , everything hurts. You ever so carefully sat up to look around. Oh, fridge. ... _Oh,_ fridge. The poor thing looked about as damaged as your average person could have done to it from the outside. Which was dented. A lot. Repeatedly. So much dent.

 

    You listened for what woke you, loud clangs and cracks coming from deeper in the woods. You could put two and two together (it's 6, duh). Obviously Vani was havin' a good time wrecking shit. You didn't dare go near now, not wanting to get impaled by some debris that was traveling in who knew what direction, who knew how fast.

 

    Hey! Speaking of, you could buy one of those speed recordy thingies. See how fast Vani could throw shit, and how sadly slow you could throw shit in comparison. It was something to do, anyway. Slowly, you got up, internally complaining about why slamming all your negative emotion into the world in a violently physical matter resulted in soreness. You went to the fridge, placing your hand on it's dented exterior.

 

    "Sorry, buddy," you whispered to it. "But on the plus side, I feel a little better. Not externally. But I really vented some shit hardcore there."

 

    You half expected Vani to show up and make fun of you for talking to a refrigerator, but the sounds of destruction remained the same, drifting at you from the trees. You squinted through them, trying to see something, but it didn't get you much. Then three objects broke the tree line above, and you watched as Vanitas followed them to strike each one back down in quick succession. Wow, even from here, you got a free show. Coolio.

 

    After Vani didn't show up again for a bit, you looked toward the stuff you were _supposed_ to use for your angry Smash & Hit vent, wondering what to do with them now. Save them, maybe? Give them to Vanitas? You'd figure it out as you went. Speaking of Vani, look who's back. Wait...

 

    It was foggy, but you were pretty sure you said some embarrassing things before you went night night. Uh...what should you do about that? Maybe he wouldn't mention it? Ha ha, fat chance. Although you did note that he still had the vizor off. Probably didn't mean anything. He tapped Void Gear on the fridge.

 

    "Even for an amateur, that was pretty pathetic."

 

    Oooh, alliteration. You settled on just saying,"Thank you," with grace.

 

    "Let me show you how it's done."

 

    Hoh boy. You scrambled out of the way. He took up position, seeming to just be standing casually. He moved and sliced so fast, you registered the darkness slicey thing cutting through the fridge before you fully realized he had even moved. It split long way, both parts being flung onto their sides from the outward forces the attack must have also emitted. ...You know, one day, you would surely stop being jaw-droppingly impressed by him. You hoped not.

 

    _That's_ what the inside of a fridge looks like? Huh. Hey, wait a minute...

 

    "Cheater!" You exclaimed! "You crap all over my work, then use far better tools and tricks than I had access to! If you really want to impress me, let's see you do that with just the bat and no fancy powers, _like I did._ "

 

    He gave you an unimpressed look, eyebrows raised in mockery. With a simple,"Fine," he despawned his keyblade and picked up the bat from where you had left it, then hoisted a half back up into position. He looked to make sure you were watching, a very 'I can't believe I'm doing this, so you better be paying attention' look on his face.

 

    Bat in a single hand, he lifted it. He watched you, never looking away as he rammed the bat down, a loud bang echoing as a large dent was left. The bat cracked and broke in half. He tossed away the piece he still held, with the most sarcastic and unsorry "Oops." you'd ever heard in your life. You were flabbergasted again. He had not once taken his eyes off your face, and you tried to recover quickly.

 

    "Uh, yeah, well, _I_...s-softened it up. F-for you." Convincing.

 

    A tiger stared you down because you got too close to his food. Oh wait no, that's still Vanitas.

 

    "...OKAY! You win, I've been impresslefumped."

 

    He made a slight face at the word, but otherwise carried on, walking back into the walled area. Walking. Because Vanitas didn't strut like a peacock showing off. No sirree Bob, he didn't. ...Vanitas struts. Fuck. You contained the internal giggles at the realization, then followed. He was poking around in the stuff you still didn't know what to do with.

 

    "What is this for?" He asked.

 

    "Well, I _was_ gonna hammer the shit out of some drywall, but uh...yeah, that's not happening now. I think I'll just save it for a rainy day."

 

    Hell, you could use some of it to make a place to hang pictures in the mansion if you wanted. Pictures... Unbidden, your mind imagined images of Vani and you doing stupid adorable friend shit hung on the wall. Whoops. This was bad, because now it was a dream you had to make reality, and that shit was going to be hard.

 

    "Hey, Vani, have you ever had your picture taken?"

 

    He looked a little taken off guard at the question. Then suspicious. Damn, he was good, on to you already.

 

    "No. Why?"

 

    Honesty is the best policy.

 

    "Well, I was thinking about how I could use the stuff there, and I realized I could hang some pictures in the mansion if I wanted. Wouldn't it be cool if we had a room where we could put our pictures and shit in it?"

 

    He didn't seem much affected by the idea.

 

    "Why?"

 

   "Well, I like the place, and I thought it would be cool if we had a homey room in there to hang out in. Oh! I need to buy oil lamps for the darker rooms..."

 

    You were already scheming home improvement plans. Oops, there was no stopping you once you got going. He rolled his eyes and looked away, seemingly completely uninterested in the idea, returning to his own thoughts. Okay, you could work with that. A strange idea of renovating the whole mansion occurred to you, a place you could really call home. But what a silly dream, where would you ever get the money for that?

 

    The wheels turned. The most insane idea struck you. You're eyes widened. If _you_ were that impressed with Vani's skills...if he grandstanded, he would _rake_ in the munny. Did he even realize he was a walking potential cash magnet? Probably not. Hell, maybe he did. But either way, that would be his munny, to do what he pleased with. Nothing to do with you. You wanted to point it out to him though, in case he ever felt like getting munny for some reason.

 

    "Hey, Vani, I just realized, and maybe you've already figured this out yourself, but if you showed off your skills to _other_ people, you could rake in the dough from how impressed they are. Just saying. You know, if you ever just happened to feel like getting munny for some reason."

 

    "They wouldn't give me their munny, they would scatter like the bugs they are."

 

    You raised your eyebrows, then lowered them with a tilted head at his response.

 

    "Why do you say that?"

 

    He looked at you, and it was a milder expression, but it still made you feel like a dumb child he had lost patience explaining something to.

 

    "You're an idiot, so you wouldn't understand."

 

    "Then explain it to me, Mr. Smarty Pants."

 

    He summoned his keyblade back, making darkness swirl around it, and you looked on in wonder.

 

    "Most people fear this. Because they're weak."

 

    He despawned it, his demonstration over.

 

    "Even if they didn't, I'd rather eat that filth you call food than do anything for them."

 

    Okay, fair enough, that was very Vanitasy. But wait...

 

    "Wait...why do you do it for me?"

 

    He froze. You gasped.

 

    "It's because we're-!"

 

    He clamped his hand over your mouth, cutting you off, looking very grumpled.

 

    "Don't say it. Don't even think it, because you couldn't be further off the mark."

 

    You just smiled under his hand, knowing it was all bullshit. He probably did too, just acting out of reflex. Because. You. Were. _Friends~_ ~ He slowly moved his hand away, glaring you down, daring you to not say it. You didn't. You just gave him a knowing smile, which was probably far worse.

 

    "Hey, we should get our picture taken together, to commemorate our definitely ' _not that._ '"

 

    You were a sly one you. So you liked to think.

 

    "Why do you want this 'picture' so badly?"

 

    "Because we're-... _not that._ " You gave a not so subtle wink. "And because I like you. And your face. So I want a picture of your face. And you in general. And you can also get pictures of me."

 

    _Snort **HA**_ "Why would I _ever_ want that?"

 

    He looked greatly amused by how stupid he thought that was, with a nice heaping side helping of condescension tossed your way. 'Alright, Mister, your face is beautifully expressive, I got it.' And you would continue to want to get it.

 

    "Okay, maybe you don't," he huffed at the 'maybe' part,"but...taking pictures would be fun? And if you hate me so much, you could take the ones of me to burn or something."

 

    Ever with the helpful suggestions, you were. Because somehow, subtly, you would get a picture of you two together, and have both of you have a copy. Because that was some disgustingly cute friend shit right there. Maybe you could make it happen, maybe not. Wouldn't stop you from _trying_.

 

    "I'll crush any camera you get near me."

 

    "Why?" You counter challenged with one simple word.

 

    It was like he didn't expect you to ask.

 

    "...Because I want to."

 

    "Why?"

 

    "Because taking pictures is a stupid idea."

 

    "Why?"

 

    "Stop asking why, idiot!"

 

    "...Why?"

 

    Look who's all adorably worked up. He probably wanted to take the hammer a few feet away from him, and smash it into your head. You chose to hit the defuse button right as he was going to talk again.

 

    "Boop."

 

    You snoot booped him with your own snoot again.

 

    Everything drained from his face in a split second, replaced with a blank sort of confusion. Ooohh, you loved having this power over him. Was that a bad sign? Absolute power corrupts absolutely, or something? His face started slowly morphing into a downturned frowny sort of determination, and you didn't even get time for your warning bells to go off.

 

    You were pulled flush to him, quickly backed up to be trapped against the wall, his face up against yours so your noses and foreheads were pressed together. His arm stayed around your lower back, holding you pressed against him, no escape.

 

    "If you're going to pull that, you better commit." He was using that low voice again, sounding threatening.

 

    You had never been _this_ close to him, bodies and faces pressed together, while his eyes bored holes through your soul and heart. You tried not to pant from the sudden adrenaline and...other things, but your body and brain were freaking out.

 

    "No witty comeback? How surprising, coming from _you._ "

 

    You couldn't see anything but his fierce eyes, left to _feel_ his words literally wash over you. His sarcastic mocking of you in that voice affected you in more ways than you would ever like to admit.

 

    "H-...honestly...I..."

 

    Why were you talking, you had nothing to say, brain what are you doing, brain no, brain be careful.

 

    "Well?" He whispered, eyelids dropping into a more sedated position.

 

    You could've easily kissed him like this. Actually, wait, that silver guard would get in the way. You _could_ , just not very well. Wait, why were you thinking about the logistics of that thing now? WHY WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT THE LOGISTICS OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT _RIGHT NOW?_

 

    ...

 

    Oh no.

 

    You wanted to.

 

    You wanted to smooch the shit out of him. There was no turning back from a realization like that. You exhaled shakily, your own eyelids starting to drop, your head softly shifting so that you would be able to lean forward and

 

    bump your chin into the damn guard. It acted as a wake up call for the both of you. He retreated as if you lit on fire. A frustrated curse passed your lips automatically. He stopped several feet away, looking at you in a conflicted, confused sort of fear, and you stared back with your own pain, knowing he would run away.

 

* * *

**Everything felt like it froze, as they begged him not to go with a look.**

**His mind presented him with his two options.**

**Run away**

**or**

**Kiss them**

**He wasn't a coward.**

**But he also knew that if he did something like that with them, it would solidify and finalize something he didn't know if he was ready for.**

**But he wanted it.**

**The more he looked back at them, the _more_ he wanted it.**

**Needed.**

**Fuck shouldn't.**

* * *

 

    Everything in his demeanor changed in a snap, and he ripped off his face guard, throwing it so far you didn't even see where it went, like he hated it. You were greatly confused and surprised, barely registering what that could mean before he crossed the divide between you in a couple strides. He pulled you to him like you were water he needed to drink, an arm around your lower waist, a hand shoved deep in the hair on the back of your head.

 

    Your bodies and faces connected, and you flinched and grunted, because he had put a little too much into it, your mouths coming together too quickly, too much. He didn't care, not letting you go for a moment as he made sure your lips were as connected as possible. It wasn't the cleanest or most coordinated, and you honestly could not have given a fuck. After the initial pain passed, you kissed him back just as desperately, everything inside you lighting on fire with a need for him.

 

    You shoved your hands deep in his hair, holding on like it was your lifeline. His breath and body were like the kind of hea(r)t you wanted to burn yourself on in a cold winter. Everything felt better.

 

    He walked the two steps needed to get you against the wall, pressing into you further, one of his legs forcing its way deep between yours, and you moaned loudly at the feeling. Everything felt _so_ good, and you still wanted more. You forced your face away from his just enough to breath through your mouth, needing much more air than you were getting under this kind of stimulation.

 

    He kept your faces close together, breathing hard himself. You cracked your eyes open to see, connecting with his, and the flames of need burned greater in the both of you. He looked ravenous. It rocked you to your core with a similar kind of need. He kissed you again, unable to wait any longer, and the meshing of your lips moving against each others was drunkening.

 

    He pulled your head back, going in to kiss you as deeply as he could. You were making more noises now, having more than you ever thought you would have, and still not enough. You started to grind and writhe against him, a needy whine escaping, your arms moving to his back to hold him closer, your hands greedily searching out any and every part of him, needing to grasp and touch.

 

    He broke the kiss with a growl to look at you. It looked like he was going feral, and maybe that should have concerned you, but it just excited you. You wanted him to fuck you up, and you were too far gone down that rabbit hole to ever come back.

 

    He pressed your noses and forehead together again, never breaking eye contact, and you both panted with the same breath. With startlingly slow and precise movement for someone in his condition, he removed his hand from within your hair, moving it around to trace two fingers down the pulse line of your neck. He went down until he reached the neckline of your shirt, even then going a bit further, stretching the fabric.

 

    You were locked eyes the entire time, and there was something so incredibly intimate about watching him watch you that made your knees tremble more than they were. He slipped his fingers under the cloth, tracing it outward to your shoulder, making sure he stayed connected with your skin the entire time. Then he pulled it back, exposing your shoulder.

 

    In a startling and sudden movement, his teeth sank into your flesh, and he was latched on, sucking and tasting you, his tongue working against you like he couldn't get enough of your taste. You cried out in surprise, then continued to cry out in various noises as he carried on. It wasn't enough to truly hurt, but it was intense, every part of his mouth working over your flesh as much as it could.

 

    You cried out his name, not thinking you could take much more, and he stopped. You're entire body was shuddering, and your knees gave out. He caught you and held you up effortlessly. You hid your face in his shoulder, seeking his comfort without looking at him, because you would combust. Your shoulder ached, and you felt a very distinct wetness. The thought of you being the only thing Vani would salivate over made you combust anyway.

 

   Low laughter entered your ear, and you felt the movements in his body from it.

 

    "Can't handle it?"

 

    He moved one hand to your face to grab your jaw and force you to face him, firm, but not rough. He looked alive with a dangerous kind of energy, the light in his eyes absolutely _wild_.

 

    "But /Name/," he cooed against your lips,"we're just getting _started._ "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> *inhale*  
> Yup.  
> So as these chapters get longer and I settle into the long term of this fic, updates will probably take longer. I just want to say that the support you guys have been giving is unreal and incredible. So thank you. Also, I have no idea what's going to happen next, smut may happen, it may not, it may happen at a later time. I write these as I go, so basically, *wacky music* WhO KnOwS wHaTs GoNnA HaPpEn, OoOoOoO *wacky dances away*


	22. Fucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMERS. It's officially happened, folks. THE SMUT IS HERE. This is now an M rated fic, this chapter be havin' SMUT. So that being said, I want to make it clear if it wasn't already, that everyone in this fic who engages in sexual activity is AT LEAST 18. Minimum. Feel free to age up if you're older so that would make you more comfortable. Also feel free to skip over the smut entirely if it's not your thing.
> 
> Also also, I found writing sex neutral smut to be very difficult, so we're just going to assume because this is a fantasy land, that if you want it up the butt, your 'up the butt' is very durable and lube and prep and shit was just magically involved. Because it's incredibly unrealistic otherwise, but also this is fantasy smut, so also we have to just assume and suspend disbelief. Because fantasy smut (stay safe in real life you guys).
> 
> THAT BEING SAID. HERE YOU GO, HAVE FUN.

    He kissed you again after his proclamation, in a slow lazy way that in no part reflected the heat in his eyes. You made a noise that was embarrassingly needy, simultaneously terrified and excited about what he could do to you. You were nervous, because it Vanitas, but you also needed him, and gods help you, trusted him.

 

    He broke off at the noise, watching you with a deranged, wild kind of need. You were suddenly hoisted off your feet and put over Vanitas' shoulder.

 

    "What the-?!"

 

    As far as you could tell, he was marching toward the mansion, very intent to take you with him. Not the most romantic way, but you hated to admit that as turned on as you were, being handled so easily just turned you on more. You were also very aware of his hand groping your ass as he carried you. You face palmed at how much this all was, and the fact that you were actually into it.

 

    As soon as the door shut behind you both, you were returned to verticality, swiftly pinned against another wall, being kissed deeply and much more ferociously this time, as he held you tightly to him, his leg back in between yours, a hand finding your ass again. He apparently liked it very much. You tried to keep up with him, but he was coming at you so intensely, you settled on kissing him at a regular pace, letting him do his thing, holding him to you just as dearly.

 

    You were overwhelmed, completely surrounded and lost in nothing but him. But it still wasn't enough for him. His tongue forced its way into your mouth suddenly, eliciting a surprised squeak from you. Oh, _fuckfuckfuck,_ hot, wet, moving everywhere, its rubbing against yours- You writhed against him, too caught up in the new sensation to even be embarrassed about the kinds of noises you were making.

 

   He dipped it underneath yours, shoving it into the soft hidden pocket of flesh, and your toes curled, a particularly loud and drawn out sound escaping you. The thought registered about how that noise went straight into his mouth, and how open and against each other your mouths were and you- Your knees were barely holding you up, and now they weren't. It didn't matter, he had you to him so firmly.

 

    Woah, why is everything getting- oh no. You'd literally forgotten to breath, and it was already hard enough. You inhaled deeply through your nose, but you needed more faster. Instinctively, you turned your head to break the kiss, trying to shove him away to give you space. It took him a hazy and confused second, but he loosened his grip on you, letting you pant your breath back easier.

 

    "Jus' give...gimme a sec..." You got out between breathes.

 

    He gave you exactly four point five seconds, maybe catching breath himself, before he decided that you didn't need the side of your neck to breath. He started laving hot kisses all over it, sucking and tasting, **_AH_** **,** THAT'S TEETH. You jumped against him, taken off guard by the fact that he was drawing one of his fangs down your neck, following up with gentle, but enough to really feel it bites.

 

    Oh no, why did that _do it for you_ _so much?_ Sound escaped that you quickly silenced, because you were startled you could even make such a raunchy noise.

 

    "Do the fang thing again," you whispered before you lost the guts, surprised you actually managed to get it out there, wait, what did you just ask-

 

    " _With pleasure~_ " His voice had taken on such a low growlish quality that it almost sounded like a purr.

 

    He started working over your neck with his fangs and teeth, flashing some tongue in there every now and then. A bearish growl came out of his chest at one point when he was more firmly latched on. You were so far gone and into it, you might've said something along the lines of "Fuck, yes," at some point (or several), but you weren't really paying attention.

 

    You bared your neck to him desperately, you didn't even realize how much of a far cry it was from how it would have been just several days ago. He licked a line up the center, stopping just below your chin to suck, then _bit_ your chin, ending by continuing his tongue trail right into your mouth. You grabbed the back of his head, forcing him even closer, deeply kissing him with all you had, your tongue working against his reflecting a desperate need you couldn't hold back.

 

    You grasped his hair and pulled him back from you suddenly, unable to wait or contain it. Saliva dripped down between you at the sudden breaking of contact, something you would have been _incredibly_ grossed out by in any other situation. Now, it just felt like being bathed in more of him.

 

    "Please, I..." You couldn't formulate words properly, not even fully realizing what it was you needed so badly, _you just needed._

 

    You stripped your shirt off, then stared at it in your hands.

 

    "...Why did I take my shirt off...?" You whispered to yourself in wonder.

 

    'Fuck,' your brain and body whispered to you. Yes, fuck, your shirt is off- oh. Your eyes shot up to Vanitas', who was calmly looking you over, face set in a dazed heat. You wanted this. Time to ask for it, see if he wanted it too.

 

    "Hey...remember when I said 'wanna fuck'?"

 

    His eyes reconnected with yours, his breathing picking up even more, and you swallowed, trying not to go up in flames from the ignited and intense desire he was practically spearing you on.

 

    "Um...what if I-"

 

    " _Yes._ "

 

    Your eyebrows shot up. "O-oh. I-I see. Then, um...also yes? I mean-"

 

    He didn't need any more. He threw away the shirt you were still holding, and started working over your chest with his mouth as he started to undress the rest of you. Flustered, with 'oh fuck yes, fucking yes' playing in your mind, you grasped his hair for support, not knowing what to do with your hands. It wasn't like you could start trying to peel his bodysuit off.

 

    It wasn't the smoothest, but you helped out, and eventually everything on your side was off except for your underwear. He looked at every part of you, starting to run his hands over the less risque areas, unable to help himself. That was great and all, but...

 

    "Um..."

 

    His eyes shot back to yours, his hands still stroking over your midriff and sides, dipping to your outer thighs sometimes. _Ga_ _ht_ , it was hard to think like that, but you would also die if he stopped.

 

    "You, um..." How did you even phrase this?

 

    You gestured vaguely at his body suit. His hands paused, he looked like he didn't even realize. His hands slowly drifted off of you, lingering at the end, not wanting to break contact. He looked like he was thinking about something. He took a single step back. Looked at his billowy half-skirt of darkness thing. Undid the belts and tossed it aside. Then he looked at his hands, closed and opened them. You realized something.

 

    "You've...never been without it, have you?"

 

    You honestly didn't even know if he could. What if that _was_ his body? He'd taken on Sora's face, but he was still pure darkness- wait. Was he anymore? You never dared to ask after... _after._ He looked at you. Looked back to himself. There was a tiny nod.

 

    "You...you don't have to."

 

    He really didn't. You didn't want him doing anything that made him uncomfortable. Hold on...

 

    DID HE EVEN HAVE A DICK?

 

    Your mind swirled with the newfound revelation. No, wait, of course he does. Don't be ridiculous. You shifted on your feet, thoughts rampant about Vanitas cock. 'Easy,' you told yourself. Your loins said 'let's fuck already.'

 

    His face shifted into determination, and darkness started to slowly pull back off of his body. Skin. You were seeing skin. Oh, look, there's more skin- You had to consciously stop yourself from kissing all of it. The guy was still undressing, sheesh. Give him a sec. You watched, until all of it was gone. You stared beauty in the face, almost going blind from it. Aaaand _that's_ a cock. Okay, we're good to go.

 

    You looked back at his face. No, his _face._ _EYES UPWARD. DAMNIT, WHY IS THIS SO HARD?_ You finally forcefully ripped your eyes away from his body. ...Sadly. Oh, you shouldn't've bothered. What a smug asshole. If he said 'like what you see,' you would punch him. With your groin. On his groin, becAUSE-

 

    "We good to go?" You asked for the all clear, ready to fucking slam yourself into him.

 

    He answered by closing the gap, pulling you flush against him again, not kissing you, just placing your foreheads together again, looking into your eyes like he was staring his way into nirvana. You exhaled, you eyebrows furrowing, in _elation_ at so much skin contact. His erection rested against your stomach, and you almost blacked out with how much you needed him and how _incredible_ it felt to finally be touching him like this.

 

    You couldn't take it, you started kissing him, shamelessly rubbing everything you could against him, making as many contact points as possible. He did the same, and everything was lost to everything, absolutely nothing else existed but the two of you finding each other. Nothing was held back, the both of you grasping and groping, _feeling_ everything you could.

 

    You slipped both your hands between you, grasping him, because you wanted his cock, and you weren't ashamed to admit it. He broke off your kiss with a grunt, his head falling to the side to land on your shoulder. Oh. You affected him. You were drunk on the realization, wanting to do it more. You slowly stroked him, letting a hand stay at the top so your thumb could work over the head. You started to kiss the back and side of his neck, since they were exposed to you.

 

    His breath was hitching, and it was clear he was swallowing down noise. You moved a hand down to start working his balls, grasping him more firmly, using your mouth to suck behind his ear. You were rewarded with the greatest sound you had ever heard in your life, and a jerk of the hips as he thrust into your hand. You were about to continue with great glee, but he was sudden and swift, and you were moved into a horizontal position quite promptly.

 

    You looked up at him hovering over you, wide eyed at the sudden change. His expression was that of a wild hunger and- oh no. That was the look of someone who wanted _revenge_. Your underwear was practically ripped off you, and you shouted in surprise, fully nude and bare with no warning. You barely had time to even be flustered, where is he go-

 

    Your legs were grasped at the knees, spread apart- **_FUCK._** You screamed, head slamming back as he started to work you over with his mouth, no hesitation, no mercy. You screamed and writhed, your body grabbing on to his hair and thrusting into him on its own volition. _Tongue, mouth, hot, sucking-_ He held you down like it was nothing, making it much easier for him to work. Everything was on fire, nothing existed but the intense pleasure on your most sensitive areas.

 

    You were quickly turned into mewling blubber, your eyes rolling back, spasms shooting out through your whole body. You said his name over and over, begging for more, begging him to stop because it was too much, you couldn't tell. It was all just too intense.

 

    You slowly regained a semblance of awareness. He'd stopped? He'd stopped. That was all you could register as you panted wantingly, everything on fire. Something that had been building, something you needed, registered how you were no longer reaching that goal, and was frustrated. You cracked your eyes open from their solidly clenched state, to see what was going on.

 

    _Fuck_ , you shouldn't have looked. You couldn't maintain eye contact. He was watching you so intensely, his entire body wound up with the heat of everything. His naked body. Oh, _Gods._ It fully dawned on you what was happening, and you died. From how _fucking_   _great_ it was. You could not have been more on board with this, and you needed more. _Fuck_ , you _craved_ him.

 

    You half considered saying something something utterly porny, like 'hey, big boy, wanna be inside me?' but quickly scrapped the idea. You would have _some_ tact. He crawled back over you to meet you face to face, and when your eyes locked, tact went bye-bye.

 

    "Fuck me."

 

    Fuck tact, you said what you wanted, even if it made your face more on fire than it probably already was. You struggled to look him in the eye, embarrassed at stating your desires out loud so boldly and forwardly. He looked mildly surprised, but mostly like he was about to suggest the same thing, and wanted to get on with fucking your brains out. Something occurred to you.

 

    "Actually, wait, wait," you rushed out quickly before he could do anything. "This floor is a terribly uncomfortable place to-...uh. Can we-"

 

    He rolled his eyes, impatient, scooping you off the ground before you could finish. You were carried through a dark portal and back into your bedroom in just enough time for you to realize that you were both butt-ass naked in whatever the dark portal teleporty place was. At least he was carrying you in his arms this time- Which you were just thrown out of and onto the bed.

 

    He didn't let you have time to register anything else that might bring back bad memories, getting back on top of you, where he started sucking along your chest. He pulled a nipple into his mouth, laving his tongue across it and around it. You jerked up into him with a grunt, half surprised, half wanting more. He slowly closed his mouth as he sucked, until he pulled back and the tip slipped out of his lips.

 

    " _ **Fuck**_ ," your swear conveniently matched with what you wanted to do.

 

"For once, you have a good idea."

 

    _Yes_ , trash talk the _shit_ out of me, you sexy man. He pulled back to position himself, moving your legs apart and up, and you panted in need, practically wanting him to just ram himself into you. Scratch that, that's exactly what you wanted. He moved his cock across you a few times before he positioned himself at your entrance, watching you like he wanted to kill you with fucking, and wanting to watch intently as you died slowly. Brutal, but honestly what you wanted at the moment.

 

    He _finally_ started slowly moving into you, and you couldn't look at him anymore, your eyes and head rolling back as you groaned. You moved your legs to wrap around him, trying to push him deeper to pick up the pace, because _goshfuckingdamnit._ He stopped. You groaned again, in frustration, and gave him a half glare, half pleading look. He looked a touch intrigued, but mostly had that dangerous glint that usually made you worried.

 

    "Like that, huh?" He darkly whispered.

 

    Oh, what have you done-

 

    He rammed the rest of the way into you, and didn't stop, setting a punishing and pounding pace from the get go. **_FfuUcK-_** You screamed, spine arched. You couldn't stop crying out constantly, gripping the blanket underneath you in a deadlock, your pelvis trying to ram yourself back into him just as hard, because _this was everything you needed_.

 

    A desperate hunger was being satisfied, nothing else mattered as you screamed and tossed about, having your insides thoroughly stirred up, a forceful intense pleasure being deeply rammed into you over and over again. Everything was building up, so much, too much, too fast, can't- Everything whited out as you seized up, a mind destroying sensation of nothing but intense _good_ knocking out everything else.

 

    And it went on.

 

    ...

 

 

 

 

   Drifting...flying...? Panting? Fuck, air. Wait... Your thoughts were scrambled, all over the place, and nowhere. You let yourself drift for a while, allowing everything to slowly come back on its own. That's right.

 

    You _fucked._

 

    Holy _fuck_ did you _fuck_. You forced an eye open to look for your fucker. He was lying on his side next to you, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, breathing. Oh my god. You had never seen him this _content._ He looked completely relaxed and at ease, and your heart seized. You hoped beyond hope that he was finally able to have a moment of true _peace._

 

    You knew you were _very_ satisfied personally. So satisfied, even though your body was still jelly and would be for a while, you could tell it would be a hot minute before you healed from the soreness. Fucking worth it, holy fuck. You exhaled a shaky laugh, for no reason, you were just happy. _Drunkenly_ happy. _Giddy_ even. WOW.

 

    You noticed a yellow eye lazily peering at you, half opened. You giggled with your pure yayness, moving to place your nose and forehead against his. You closed your eyes, relaxed, smiling in pure bliss. You felt his eyebrows raise questioningly. Opening your eyes to the half lidded point, you looked into his eyes, that were in a similar state.

 

    "Hi," you whispered conspiratorially.

 

    He huffed out a tiny puff of air back. You closed your eyes again, fully content to just _be._ Eventually, you yawned, then snuggled up closer to him. You found his hand and interlaced your fingers with his. You looked to see his reaction, if he was okay with that. He stared at your hands with a lightly furrowed brow, but seemed content enough with it. His hand twitched, then lightly squeezed, like he was testing out what holding hands was.

 

    Oh. He was, you realized sadly. So you gave him a light smooch. Nuzzled his face. Honestly, you bit the tip of one of his hair spikes and pulled a little, just because you fucking felt like it and you could. Oh. Was that how Vanitas felt about doing things? You lied your head back down, making sure both of your foreheads were still touching.

 

    "You're awfully affectionate for someone I just fucked a hole through."

 

    You coughed, startled. Ah. There was the bitter sass. Back and as strong as ever. You mock glared, but your heart just wasn't in it. You were feeling much more loving at the moment. So that's what you expressed.

 

    "Duh, it's 'cuz I lo-like you so much."

 

    Oh god, that was almost a disastrous slip of the tongue. Right? That's all it was? A slip?

 

    "I'd ask why, but you've already..." He trailed off, looking away.

 

    For someone so confident, this was a rare glimpse past that curtain. And it broke your heart.

 

    "I can say it all again, because it's true," you offered.

 

    " _Don't._ "

 

    "Okay."

 

    Silence came back down again. You nuzzled his head, squeezed his hand, just to show you were still there and you meant it. Without words. Because he didn't want words, and you understood that and it was okay. You closed your eyes, just relaxing with him, idly rubbing your thumb over his hand. You focused on nothing but the both of you breathing, because nothing else mattered.

 

* * *

_**Shit.** _

**He didn't usually curse just for the sake of cursing, but _this_ was...**

**He was in deep.**

**Too deep.**

**He realized that he was engulfed by them.**

**They had created a barrier around his heart, one he found comforting, one he _liked_.**

**He felt vaguely sickened by it.**

**He had let his guard down.**

**He had stumbled like an idiot, into the arms of an idiot.**

**/Name/.**

**_Feelings_ happened just at the thought of their name.**

**He was fucked.**

**No, he _fucked._**

**Something he found surprisingly enjoyable.**

**It drove him half mad, everything they did as a reaction to something he did.**

**They had suddenly become _unbearably_ cute, to the point he wanted to cave their head in. **

**He didn't know how he had managed to keep any kind of control.**

**He knew _they_ didn't.**

**He made sure of it.**

**It was incredibly satisfying.**

**And...**

**There was something.**

**After all was done, after he was surprised at the amount of _good_ he could feel...**

**There was something.**

**No, a _lack_ of something.**

**Hurt.**

**He didn't remember a time without it.**

**He wanted to say he couldn't get used to it, and maybe he couldn't, but in that moment...**

**It would have been a lie.**

**Because there had been _nothing_ there.**

**So it hadn't bothered him.**

**In fact, he would like to have that again.**

**He might become addicted to it.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was author's first smut. *anticlimactically pops a single confetti* It was an experience. I literally had to hide my face in my shirt at one point at what I friggin' wrote. But I discovered something... which is that I want to write more smut. So I know this is probably bad by smut standards (I'm just saying, I've READ SOME SHIT), which is why I really put my all into it, because I personally believe that the only way to truly improve is to FAIL AT THAT SHIT AS HARD AS YOU CAN. IF YOU'RE NOT PUTTING YOUR ALL INTO FAILING, YOU'RE NOT PUTTING YOUR ALL INTO IMPROVING. So say I, life lessons with DF over here. Anyway, thanks for reading. *casually gives everyone a free tea brewer and leaves*


	23. Can't Help Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now that that door has been blown up off its hinges, the SMUT train rolled through again. Oops. A commenter on this very fic once told me to never apoligize for being horny on main, so... *long awkward silence as author shuffles away while crickets start up*

    Huhbuh?! Oh. You must've drifted off at some point. It was always disconcerting to wake up when you didn't remember falling asleep. Your first instinct was to look for Vani. He wasn't there anymore. You huffed out a sad sigh, but told yourself this was to be expected. He probably understandably needed space after all that. That was just how it was.

 

    Movement in the corner of your vision caught your eye. You looked toward the window, and there was Vani. You were pleasantly surprised, you really thought that he would've... He was back in the suit, minus the half-skirt. He stood with his arms crossed, body still half facing the window, head turned toward you. You were grateful you could at least still see his face, but something else in you deeply wished to have seen the sun streak in over his naked form. Future dreams.

 

    You smiled at him lovingly. A greeting was in order.

 

    "Hey, Frozen Burnt."

 

    He made a face at you, but otherwise glossed over it. Ha, got'em. He answered after a short silence, looking back out the window.

 

    "...Hey."

 

    It was said in a low neutral voice, like he wasn't particularly fond of greeting back, but did it anyway for some reason. The thought filled you with warmth.

 

    "You know, it's unfair. How come you're already back in clothes and I'm still sitting here-... Wait. My clothes..."

 

    Oh god, unless he took you back to the mansion- A pile of cloth hit you in the face. You inspected it promptly. Hey, your clothes! Oh thank God. Now you didn't have to wear a blanket like a roman to the nearest clothes shop. It was weirdly considerate of him to even think of such a thing. What, could he not stand to look at you in the nude? Or maybe...

 

    Your mind ran around and threw scenarios at you about how you were so sexy to him that he needed you clothed or he would ravage you. Oh, what a dream. You moved to put your clothes back on, and froze. _Oooooh_ , that's a lot of sticky. And sore. And your brain told you about how a part of Vani was still inside you that had nothing to do with hearts. Brain, no, we can't Do ThiS-

 

    You needed a shower asap. Your brain said,'Invite Vanitas,' because of course it did. But listen brain. You needed recoup time. As much as you didn't _want_ recoup time. So it would be off to the public inn showers you would go. Alone. You tried not to be too sad about it. You got up and wrapped a provided towel around you, grabbing an extra to dry off after.

 

    "I'm going to take a shower. Because you've fucked me up real good. Thanks for that, by the way." It was only 1% sarcastic, if even that much.

 

    He vaguely waved a hand at you in acknowledgement, not even looking. Huh, you would like to think your ravage theory was true. While in the shower, you realized that you hadn't even spared a certain spot a glance or a thought since you'd been here. Now that it was back on your mind, you worried about going back to the room, _especially_ now that Vanitas was there.

 

    Or maybe it would be _better_ if Vani was there. So you could see with your own eyes how much had changed. How you were safe now. Surely, absolutely, that's what you would see. You took your time, letting the flowing warmth wash over you and sooth.

 

    When you returned, wrapped up in a fresh towel, clean as could be, you'd barely gotten the door open when

 

    "Frozen Burnt?"

 

    He turned the rest of himself to face you, watching you like he needed a better explanation about something from a professor, demanding answers. Oh my goodness, he'd actually been mulling it over. This was fantastic, this was everything you ever dreamed. Your eyes quickly glanced to...'spot,' and then back to Vani, because it was on your mind. You felt uneasy, a little afraid, but looking at him now, it really _was_ different. It grounded you, helped keep you from outright panicking.

 

    "Yes, that's your name, don't wear it out," you answered factually, closing the door and walking to get your clothes.

 

    He narrowed his eyes, telling you he needed more information without a word. You didn't give it, picking up your underwear to get dressed. ...Except he's watching you like a hawk now. You made a 'turn around please' hand motion, which might as well have never existed with how much it was ignored.

 

    He raised an eyebrow and said,"Won't talk, huh?" He started to saunter over to you. Your internal bells started going off again. "I could always _make_ you talk."

 

    It was a dead serious threat, as he stared you in the eye with a familiar heat. Then his face switched to a smug smirk as he looked down on you like you were the easiest problem to solve in the world and he was the greatest, smartest man. ...WOW. First off, hello Vani Ego, I see you're in full swing, doing very well for yourself. Secondly, fffff _fuck_.

 

    He meant it, you knew he meant it, and now he was looking at you like that, and when did you drop your clothes and-... Inhale. What to do? Vani thought it would be a good idea to start slowly closing the distance, you thought it would be a good idea to back up.

 

    "Now wait a minute, are you telling me you can't figure it out? Wouldn't it be more fun if you thought on it?"

 

    A suggestion you wished he would take, but knew he wouldn't.

 

    "Why, when I can just get the answer?"

 

    "B-because riddles are fun? It's more satisfying to solve them on your own?"

 

    Your back hit the wall. Fuck. Here we are again. He stopped a surprising whole foot away from you.

 

    "That's supposed to be a riddle? It's terrible, in a way only something you came up with could be."

 

    "Thanks, but..." 'don't talk to me like that with this kind of tension, it do _esn't HELP-'_ "Are you saying you can't solve it?"

 

    You did your best to ignore the mounting feeling in your gut that made you want to jump his bones again, you literally weren't physically prepared. Unless... Oh my god, would a potion work for-

 

    "Of course I can. The answer is right here."

 

    He undid your towel, and it flipped open, dropping off. You almost face palmed, but you knew what you had to do. You chugged a potion from your magic space stock, never more grateful for magic video game rules. Oh no, it did work on that. This was a bad sign of a potential addiction.

 

    "COME AT ME, BITCH!"

 

    You jumped onto him, wrapping your legs around his hips, kissing him. He staggered back a step, making potentially the most surprised noise you'd ever gotten out of him. You didn't want to reveal the secret, hoped he would forget, but knew deep down you might end up telling him if he didn't. You carded a hand into his hair, kissing him with passion.

 

    He wasn't having any of it. You were pushed off onto the bed, sat up and turned around, then pulled to him with your back pressed to his chest. You were once again taken off guard by how quickly and easily he could maneuver you into whatever he wanted.

 

    "You're not getting out of this...you _will_ answer me...or I'll _make_ you."

 

    It was spoken lowly into your ear, finished off by his teeth latching onto your earlobe, working into it.

 

    "OUCH!"

 

    You flailed your arms to his face to try to get him off you, surprised by the fact that it actually hurt, whether he intended it to or not. He switched to pulling it between his lips instead, rubbing his tongue over it, like that would help- oh, it did. You stopped shoving on his face. He let your earlobe go to lick up over the entire backside of your ear.

 

    "Feel like talking?"

 

    "You _bit_ me, asshole. And not in the nice way."

 

    "If you won't say what I want to hear, maybe you shouldn't talk at all."

 

    One of the hands holding you to him moved to your mouth, trying to get inside. Startled and alarmed, you clamped down your jaw, quickly blocking him. So he just moved his other hand to keep your head still as he pulled roughly down on your jaw. It came open, partly because of the force, partly because of how surprised you were that he wanted in that badly.

 

    WoOaAh, that's weird, his fingers are in your mouth, moving over and under your tongue, _fuck-_ You started to writhe against his hold on you, his other arm back to making sure you stayed locked to him. There was less of a filter to any noise you made, his hand keeping your mouth open, every sound on full display. You were suddenly aware and very conscious about it, trying to shut yourself up, but he wouldn't stop playing with your tongue and _fuck_ it was weird, but _fuck_ it was also turning you on immensely. You didn't know what to think.

 

    You started to give into it, just accepting the fact that it felt good, licking into his fingers.

 

    "Enjoying it now, are you? What about this?"

 

    His other hand slipped over to your privates, where he started stroking. You cried out, but his hand was still in your mouth, and oh no, he can't touch you there _now_ , like _this_ , or- He didn't let up, and you couldn't stop the entourage of embarrassing sound that echoed loudly in the room back to you.

 

    You started to become aware of everything as your senses heightened from the stimulation, your hips bucking into his hand. You realized how your bare skin was pressed against his bodysuit, how saliva had started to drip out of your mouth and down his hand, despite your best efforts to swallow. You realized you were starting to be turned on by your _own_ noises, how openly raunchy they were, and how _Vanitas_ must feel about them to be keeping your mouth open like that.

 

   Then everything stopped. Both hands were taken away from there respective places. You panted, dazed, confused, frustrated.

 

    "Now that your mouth's loosened up, why don't you answer me with that pretty voice you've been using?"

 

    _AAAAAAaaass,_ you wanted to answer him. _Fuck,_ you could've bared your soul to him if he asked like _that_. Shit, what did you do? You tried to think logically through the needy pleasure haze, but all you could hear was your body begging him not to stop.

 

    "I..."

 

    Why were you even resisting? Was it that important a secret to keep? Logically, no, but you liked having it to yourself. You were silent, internally torn.

 

    "No? Maybe you need more practice."

 

    His hands were suddenly back, your mouth kept open, tongue rubbed against, as he played deeply with every part of your privates he could. _God, fuck, you can't, HNNNN-_ You were powerless to him, writhing, grinding, screaming, once again turned into a thoughtless pool of pleasure.

 

    Oh god, it was coming- it was gone. You wailed in despair. He nuzzled the side of your head.

 

    "I'm waiting..."

 

    He absentmindedly started to suck on your ear. You couldn't take this, _needneedneed NEEDED-_

 

    "Please...!" You begged pathetically.

 

    "Mm, I like it, but it's not what I asked for."

 

    "HAIR."

 

    THERE, IT WAS OUT THERE, OH GOD PLEASE-

 

    "...and?"

 

    WHY THE FUCK DID HE NEED CONTEXT?!

 

    "Hair, your hair, smells," you tried to word as best you could,"hair smells, frozen burnt. _There_ , that's it, _please, just_ -"

 

    "That doesn't make sense, explain it better."

 

    "FUCK! Please, I'll tell you anything after, just, I can't, _ugh._ "

 

    Everything in your nether region was inflamed and engorged, on the edge, needing to be touched **_now._** **_Right fucking now._ **Your own hands flew down to do the job, but he caught both of them by the wrists firmly, moving your hands above your head, keeping you powerless and fully exposed.

 

    "VANI, PLEASE! Pleasepleaseplease," you begged him desperately like you had never done in your life, 'please' became a mantra you chanted, something to hold on to as you flailed the rest of your body uselessly, you wanted to cry, punch him, _something_ -

 

    "You _promise_ to tell me anything I want?"

 

    " _Anythinganythingplea-jus-plea-_ " you broke off into a keen, unable to even talk.

 

    " _Good._ "

 

    His hot throbbing cock was suddenly against your lower back, everything else remaining suited, and his hands let your wrists go to move you into position. He had to use one hand to keep you upright and pressed into him, because even as you tried to move to shove his fat, needy and needed cock up into you, you were clumsy and weak.

 

    Any delay was too long, but finally everything was lined up

 

    ...

 

    Your mind was pounded with blinding sensation, and you were gone for a moment, until all you could understand, all that mattered, was that you were being held as you rocked up and down, your tight throbbing hole being pounded into, everything being satisfied. But you were so worked up, it still wasn't enough.

 

    "HARDER, MORE," you communicated what you needed surprisingly clearly.

 

    The world shifted dizzyingly, the side of your face now against the bed as your back end was lifted to be fucked from behind. You screamed as you were rammed into harder and deeper than ever, every thrust rocking you, pulling almost all the way out just to feel his large hot weight slam back into you, your skin and his suit meeting harshly.

 

    It was finally fully satisfying. Everything was let go, nothing mattered but the harsh pleasure beating against you again and again. You came quickly, suddenly, everything so intense you hadn't even been able to feel it building up. It was as harsh and unforgiving on you as the fucking that had caused it, every cell you used to exist overtaken brutally with too good sensation, trapped in it until everything else left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    It was like trying to fight your way out of a coma.

 

   

 

    Everything's so...

 

 

 

    Your brain rebooted, going through a checklist. Finger twitch, check. Eye movement, check. Vocal chords, check. Hearing of said vocals, still foggy. Vision- retract, too bright. Gain movement, regain feeling. You slowly started to twitch everything you could, a sense of awareness starting to come back. You had to adjust your vision slowly, but finally you had some semblance of a working order.

 

    What the fuck. Was it even possible to fuck someone so hard they entered a coma state? ...Apparently. Yet your now regaining senses sang to you in a rejoicing manner. _Ooo_ , that's nice. Mission accomplished? You took in your surroundings more thoroughly, now that you were properly about yourself. You looked toward the window, looking for Vanitas since he wasn't in bed.

 

    It vaguely struck you how grateful you were to be on the second story, since the blinds were currently kept open. You almost felt bad for your poor inn room neighbors, who were probably startled by the animalistic fucking suddenly taking place. That, or this place had _incredible_ sound proofing. You would've been embarrassed, but hey, that was life, and also you had just been dicked into a very serene state of mind.

 

    You continued your gaze about the room to find Vani. Strange, he wasn't here. Strange, this wasn't your inn room. It was suddenly a white room instead.

 

    You couldn't breath. You went to rip at your shirt, but it wasn't there, so you just scratched at your chest instead. Everything was whirling in a panic, you tried to breath, you couldn't breath-

 

    " **Hey! What's wrong with you?!** "

 

    Everything's shaking, shaken, color is back, is that really Vani-you couldn't breath.

 

* * *

**What was wrong with them?!**

**First they sleep forever, wake up fine, then start acting like they had suddenly witnessed a bloody murder.**

**It didn't make sense, he shook them, yelled at them, anything to get them back to their senses.**

**He was about to slap them when they slumped over into him, crying.**

**They curled up into his chest, making noises he could only describe as pathetic and...**

**... _worryi g._**

  **It took them forever to calm down.**

**Then they started speaking, but it made no sense.**

**"** Where did you go? Didn't you see that, what was that, what-...That wasn't right. **"**

**He tried to piece together what they could possibly be talking about.**

**"What...what are you talking about?"**

**He asked for clarification.**

**They looked at him, finally.**

**They seemed confused.**

**"** Wh-...didn't you see? **"**

**"See what?"**

**He was growing... _concerned_ at their behavior.**

**They looked at him, wide eyed.**

**"** Don't...don't fuck with me...not on something like this. **"**

**He wasn't, he didn't even know what they were talking about.**

**He would've believed he was the one being fucked with, if it wasn't for how real their reaction had been.**

**He didn't think they were faking.**

**He thought maybe they had a nightmare, but that didn't explain why they had looked around just fine after they were awake, then saw something that terrified them.**

**The more he thought, the more odd it seemed.**

**They had glanced over him completely when they looked around, like he wasn't even there.**

**He had expected them to yell at him for tearing up the fake board game money out of boredom, so he had thought maybe instead they had chosen to ignore him to spite him for it.**

**But maybe something else was at play.**

**What if they had a waking nightmare?**

**He had...some experience, in that area.**

**They didn't seem the type, but he didn't know what else it could have been.**

**So that had to be it.**

**Just a nightmare.**

**They had lowered their head back down onto his chest, after he had stared at them in thought, unsure how he should respond.**

**Now he knew.**

**"You just had a nightmare. That's all. So stop..."**

**Freaking out? Freaking _him_ out?**

**"** No, no, you don't understand, I was awake, it was real, that  _place_ , everything felt- it  _was wrong_. **"**

**They shook their head back and forth against him.**

**"It just _felt_ real. Trust me."**

**He couldn't believe he was doing this.**

**Standing here trying to make them feel _better_.**

**He was loath to think he was borderline comforting them, next thing you know, he would start petting their hair-**

**A memory flashed back.**

**He tried not to think about the kind of emotion it evoked.**

**He owed them _nothing._**

**And it was true.**

**But this didn't feel like debt.**

**He didn't _want_ what it felt like.**

**It made him feel vulnerable, like he was weak.**

**He didn't _comfort_ people.**

**That wasn't who he was.**

**So he threw the feeling away.**

**...And yet here he still stood, letting them literally lean on him, feeling out of sorts at distress that wasn't even his own.**

**He would've _thrived_ on that, called them a baby for getting so worked up over a dream.**

**Attachment.**

**That was what this was.**

**He was attached.**

**He had realized it before, but now it was hitting him all over again, barely in the span of a day.**

**He didn't want to think about it.**

**He wanted to go back to normal, where he would (and he _would_ ) make them keep their recent promise to him.**

**He had been thinking up questions all day, ones he knew would get him a satisfactory response and reaction.**

**Or...maybe it would be useful now.**

**Get everything cleared out and back to normal.**

_**Then** _ **he would have fun.**

* * *

 

    You tried to focus on his texture, his breathing, willing your thoughts to slow down.  _Nononono,_ you  _knew_ it was real. Right? Why was it so terrifying? It was because you didn't understand what happened. And something about it had felt inherently  _wrong._ Like you had been displaced from space and time. It was _incredibly uncomfortable_ to say the least.  _Disturbing_ was a better word actually.

 

    Vani had said it didn't even happen. A nightmare. He really didn't seem to notice anything. But what if...it occurred to you that it  _had_ been weirdly hard to wake up for some reason. But even beyond that, you thought that maybe what you had experienced was a legitimate  _glitch_ within the program itself. It was still fairly new and groundbreaking territory after all.

 

    You forced yourself to think back to the details, to try and make sense of it. The bed you were in hadn't changed, that you noticed. Only everything else had become white undetailed stock. The fixtures of the room gone, left with just uncolored walls, a floor, and ceiling. If it really wasn't a nightmare, then what else could it have been but a glitch? You needed to get back 'outside' as soon as you could, to check if this was a known problem.

 

    "What exactly did you see that made you freak out so much?"

 

    Of  _course_ he would inquire about it.

 

    "N-nothing, you were right, just a nightmare."

 

    "Then why did you scratch your chest like you were trying to claw your heart out?"

 

    What? You looked down to check. Sure enough, your chest had scratch marks. Oh geez, you didn't realize you freaked out  _that_ bad.

 

    "Ohhh, wow. I didn't realize that..." You trailed off, bothered by the realization. Okay, maybe he  _should_ know some of your suspicions, just in case it ever happened again.  _Fuck shit_ , you hoped it didn't happen again. Why did so much stuff happen in this room? It had a lot of negative and positive check marks as of now. There was a lot of stuff piled on to what was supposed to be your safe space. Heavy sigh. At least you still had Namine's room.

 

    You were extensively grateful that Vani actually knew the truth of this place and was okay(?) with it. Or else you wouldn't be able to tell him this.

 

    "I...have suspicions...that if what happened  _wasn't_ a nightmare, and I don't think it was, that...how do I put this...this place glitch fucked the frick out, dude. Like, full blown sudden "whatthefuck.' It  _felt_ off, it wasn't just how it looked."

 

    You looked up at him, wanting to be certain he wasn't angry about you talking about the reality of this place. Because, ya know, it might not be the kind of thing a person wants to be reminded about. He just looked actually interested in what you were saying. Thank God.

 

    "Which was...?" He encouraged you to continue.

 

    It felt a little weird how nice and attentive he was being. Sure, he was just standing there, letting you talk, and there were probably ulterior motives involved, but you would take it.

 

    "Um...everything went away. You were gone, and everything else was gone, except the bed, that's a weird detail. I was suddenly trapped in this white, hollow, barren room, and it...it wasn't..." You struggled to find the words. "It  _felt_ wrong. Like something was just suddenly really wrong and off and I..." You coughed awkwardly, embarrassed. "I mean, you  _saw_ what happened," you mumbled.

 

    He looked at you in fascination. You looked away and scratched the back of your head, feeling awkward. You coughed and cleared your throat.

 

    "UMmm...any thoughts?"

 

    "Other than that you're crazy?"

 

    You gave him a deadpan stare.

 

    " _Yes_." You mumbled a,"Sheesh," afterwards.

 

    He let a puff of air out of his nose.

 

    "I don't know what to tell you other than to get over it. If something's broke in this... _place_ of yours, then stop crying and fix it."

 

    He finally stepped back from you, going to look out the window again. Well, that was the blunt kind of advice you would expect from him. It still felt harsh, because you were upset and wanted some cuddles, or even just some reassuring words. But you realized, in his way, that  _was_ his version of reassuring words. You would take comfort in that, no matter how small.

 

    To 'fix' something, as he put it, you would have to pause everything here and leave. You thought about having a discussion with him about how you had to disconnect sometimes, but your gut somehow felt it knew that would be a very bad idea. It wasn't like it was anything he actively needed to know about anyway. You sent out the commands. Everything here would freeze while you were out there. He never had to know you were even gone.

 

    Something about it saddened you, but that was just how it was with this kind of thing. You just hoped you  _weren't_ actually losing your mind. You would soon find out.

 

* * *

 

 

**You have disconnected**

 

**___|**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have gone full porn there for a bit. ...YEEUP. Also, gender neutral continues to be hard. Use your imagination I guess.
> 
> So this was supposed to be up like a few days ago at this point, but MY FRIGGIN' POOR LAPTOP finally had multiple hardware failures that can't be fixed, so I typed some up on my phone, but it was incredibly slow and tedious, so I ordered a phone keyboard, and now hopefully writing will be able to be back on track somewhat. Until I get a new laptop, I'm working off a small touchscreen with a keyboard and setup that's not the best or comfortable, but it WORKS. Mostly. If you see a chapter update go out, but then there's nothing, it's probably because I accidentally brushed my finger over the 'post' button before I was done or something. This is why I hate working off of touchscreens.
> 
> But ANYWAY, hey, hello there, anyone getting a creeping worry yet?  
> Not that you should. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


	24. Keeping Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops. My hand slipped.
> 
> What I'm saying is.
> 
> Some smut.

 

    Oh, thank God, you  _weren't_ crazy. Apparently what happened to you was a known problem that happened to others as well. It appeared to be that the program couldn't always handle it when something along the lines of 'overly intense emotion or sensation' happened. It was usually fine, but every once in a while, certain people would run into the glitch after something particularly intense happened.

 

    It was much more common with 'Full Immersion' players, which you were. You remembered all the terrifying legal jargon you'd had to agree to to activate it. It was the only way to enter into a world and fully experience it like it was real. In a way where your mind couldn't tell the difference. You knew what you signed up for, and now here you were with your consequences.

 

    You found out that the glitch more often than not manifested itself in the way you had experienced, where everything loses its detail and meaning. It seemed like the 'wrongness' feeling came from the program being overloaded from whatever happened, making it unable to figure its shit out properly, so the player would end up in a sort of nonsensical limbo.

 

    It would then compensate by making everything back to the way it should be like nothing happened. Which was why Vanitas, part of the program, had no way of knowing that anything happened.

 

    There were also other less common manifestations, where stuff  _really_ got batshit crazy, and you were just grateful your experience wasn't worse. Still, it was worrying, knowing something like that could happen anytime things potentially got... _sensational_ , for lack of a better word. You needed to talk to Vanitas about this.

 

    You went through your life on the other side, until you had a good amount of time to go back in. Time moved much faster inside, but it wasn't like time outside could stop whenever you were there, unlike the reverse. So you always made sure to set aside a decent amount of time for it, so you could have a fairly uninterrupted experience.

 

* * *

 

**Connecting. . .**

 

* * *

 

    Ah, you were back, right where you left off. You looked at Vani by the window, realizing you had missed him in your time away. That phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' or whatever it was, popped into your mind. You shifted through your memories, seeing exactly where you left off. How did you bring this up? Like everything else, you guessed, you just did it, and did it with honesty. You let a silence pass first, so that what you were about to say would feel more natural for him.

 

    "Hey, so...I just checked some stuff about the program. We kind of need to talk."

 

    He turned back to you, expression kept carefully neutral. You told him what you found out.

 

    "...So, yeah, that kind of sucks, but it's just something to stay aware of I guess."

 

    "You can't fix it?"

 

    It almost seemed like he was surprised by the idea that something could go wrong in _this_ that you couldn't fix.

 

    "...Nnnope. Wish I could."

 

    He looked like he was thinking. It was probably a lot to take in for him. Maybe. You didn't know.

 

    "...So I fucked you so hard that reality broke."

 

    He was fully serious. Once it really dawned on him, he stood taller, glancing away, looking like he was trying not to smile proudly. Of  _course_. You openly face palmed. Sighed.

 

    " _Well_." You took another potion, because fuck it, and now you needed another shower as well. "I'm going to clean up again, then we can go do something or something, I don't know, it feels like we've been in this room a long time."

 

    "Says the one who  _slept_ through most of it."

 

    Speaking of...you thought about asking why he even bothered to stick around for you to wake up. You knew a version of 'we're friends, no we're not' would just play out again, so you skipped it and decided to go straight to your shower.  _With_ your clothes this time. Look who's learning. You opened the door and saw a flash of white.

 

    You slammed the door back shut, your breathing picking up. You forced yourself to open it again. See, everything was normal. It was just your imagination, or maybe someone just walked by wearing white, it could have been anything. Everything is normal. No need for alarm. You took a deep breath. Vanitas was probably staring at you, but you didn't look back and headed to the showers.

 

    Your head thumped against the wall as you stood there and let the water run over you. This was ridiculous. You would go back to Vani, then you two would go hang out like normal, and everything would be fine. You steadied yourself and finished up. When you returned, Vani was leaning against the wall outside of your bedroom door. Well, at least you didn't have to go in there again now.

 

    "I'm gonna grab some ice cream, you want to come with or meet up at-" The words died in your throat once you remembered the name. Oh dear. He smirk grinned knowingly.

 

    "Don't worry, I'll meet you there to  _fuck_. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant meet you  _at_ the  _Fuck_ Tree."

 

    The grandiose mocking teasery fucker turned and left with that all too familiar look plastered on his face.

 

    'Cool down face, we don't need to do this again. ...And we're doing it again anyway. Great.' You shook out your head and just went to get ice cream. Blessed, glorious ice cream. You got your favorite along with the spicy curry, because even if Vani wouldn't try it, you would, to appreciate (and your curiosity was killing you).

 

    You arrived at......FuckTree, to see Vani scraping off the rougher parts of the bark with his keyblade.

 

    "Geez, you can't leave that poor tree alone for a minute, can you?"

 

    He spared you a glance and carried on.

 

    "Must be a metaphor for _you_."

 

    "What...the fresh hell does that even mean?"

 

    "You tell me." He mildly glared at you as he said it.

 

    "O...kay." You filed that away under 'things to overanalyze about Vanitas later.' "Anyway, I brought ice cream." You held out the curry ice cream toward him. "This is your official five seconds to take it if you want. It's that spicy curry flavor I told you about."

 

    You counted to five in your head. But what's this, he's looking at it like he's actually considering it? Could it be?! Nope, he's back to tree modifying. Looks like you would be trying it today after all. Not a loss either way then. You gave it a sniff. Boy howdy, that's...interesting. You asked what was on your mind before you tried it.

 

    "Hey, what _are_ you doing to that poor tree half anyway?"

 

    "Got bored."

 

    He shucked off one last piece before jumping up to sit on top, facing you.

 

    "...Right. Understandable," you replyed, then got up on it yourself to sit next to him.

 

    You stared down the burnt orange colored ice cream bar, whispered,"Today is the day," dramatically, and bit down. It took a moment to really... _grasp_ what it was you were tasting. You registered that you were making one hell of a face, that in your peripheral vision Vani got closer, and must be getting a real thorough kick of enjoyment out of this. But you were mostly focused on how... _confused_ your taste buds were. You swallowed so that you could speak properly, to give a professional review.

 

    "This is...I'M SO CONFUSED. MY MOUTH IS CONFUSED, VANI. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TASTING."

 

    You turned to him, beseeching. Well, he did look like he was having fun. Good for fucking him. He propped his head up on his hand, looking almost deceptively good-natured and innocent.

 

    "Whatever do you mean?"

 

    He couldn't even hold it until the end of the sentence before his face broke out of its deceptive confines and was right back in 'I so enjoy your suffering' mode.

 

    "I mean- _heghk,_ try it then, see for yourself! It doesn't make _sense_ , Vani."

 

    You held it out to him. He grabbed it and scarfed down a large bite. You stared, wide-eyed in surprise. Waited. Waited more. He continued to stare at you, seemingly completely unaffected. So he was a great actor, because there was no _way_ -

 

    "What were you complaining about again?"

 

    He raised an eyebrow at you in mocking victory. Your brain fumbled, then backtracked.

 

    "Wait...you like it. If there's nothing to complain about, that means you _like_ it!"

 

    You grinned victoriously. He gave you a deadpan stare, then rolled his eyes and tossed the rest of the still perfectly good ice cream away into a bush somewhere. That miffed you, but it wasn't going to dissuade you from the grand plan now set in your mind.

 

    "Don't worry, I'll buy you one regularly, so you don't have to worry about where that one ended up. Because I know you're going to be sadly missing the rest of it later."

 

    "In your dreams."

 

    "Yes, that is what I dream about. You, eating ice cream. ...That's not weird, right?"

 

    "It is."

 

    "...Yeah, a little..."

 

    A comfortable silence fell, in which you started nomming your other frozen treat. Tasty.

 

    "You haven't kept your promise yet."

 

    Huh? You immediately started wracking your mind for information on any potential broken promises, because that was unacceptable. You were a promise keeper, damnit. ...You couldn't find anything. That was worrying.

 

    "Uh...refresh my memory? I'm a good promise keeper, I swear, I just forget things sometimes."

 

    He placed the tip of his forefinger on your lips.

 

    "You promised to tell me about 'frozen burnt,' and anything else I want to know."

 

    He smiled like an evil villain who had all the power. You supposed he kind of was. It all came crashing back to you and you jerked back, then stood up and started pacing, face hot.

 

    "Th-that! I was under duress! Everybody knows that doesn't count!" You yelled squeakily.

 

    "So much for being a 'good promise keeper.'"

 

    "It doesn't count!" You whined, fighting your fate.

 

    "I could always make you promise it again. Would it count then?"

 

    A dangerous calm sort of seriousness radiated off him, and you plopped back down into a sitting position with a "HMF."

 

    "Fine, whatever," you grumbled, crossing your arms and pouting. In the face of your fate, you had become a petulant child. "What was the question?"

 

    "To start, explain 'frozen burnt.'"

 

    To _start?_ Oh, lord. You groaned, shoving your face in your hands.

 

    "Alright, look. It's just...a thing I noticed about you. Your hair happens to have a particular smell that I would describe as 'frozen burnt.'"

 

    "That makes no sense."

 

    "Neither does your hair," you shot back instinctively. "In a good way, though!" You quickly added on, because you liked his hair and didn't want to inadvertently diss it.

 

    He narrowed his eyes at you, then leaned over and shoved his nose into your hair, inhaling deeply. Okay, creepy, but not unexpected given the topic. He leaned back to continue staring at you through narrowed eyes.

 

    "What?" You inquired eloquently.

 

   An eyebrow slightly raised, and a sly smile slowly spread over his face. Oh. Oh, you saw. You knew what he was doing.

 

    "Having fun over there, keeping my hair smell to yourself? You'd probably just say it smells like shit anyway."

 

    Let him have his hair smells, if it made him happy. This was really weird, now that you thought about it. You decided to boldly face the rest of your fate, maybe you could catch him off guard with how suavely and unaffectedly you would take it.

 

    "So, next question?" You ventured.

 

    He looked mildly surprised, but stepped right into his next line mostly unaffected and straight faced.

 

    "Where and how can I touch you to make you come the fastest?"

 

    Your face completely drained of its color, only to quickly be replaced with too much color. You couldn't do this. You walked into a level 99 dungeon at level 5. You were...not fucked. You refused to think of the word 'fuck,' as you sat there on Fuck Tree with someone who could easily fuck you. No, stop that, bad train of thought, error, error- You wilted on the spot, falling over into a ragdoll heap on the tree. He watched with a general sort of amusement.

 

    "Need time to think about your answer?"

 

    'StOp MoCkInG mE,' was your thought as you covered your face, curling into a ball.

 

    "That's it, I'm done, I surrender, I give up. I can't handle you." You admitted defeat, because...well, quite frankly, you were defeated.

 

    "That sounds a lot like avoiding the question. Do you need help finding the answer?"

 

    You sensed him shift closer to you, and your first instinct was to shoot your leg out and kick him in the gut. Instead, you quickly rolled away and stood, making sure you were on solid ground to defend yourself against any... _untoward_ advances you weren't prepared for. You were too flustered at the moment, and still quite satisfied from previous encounters, and you just weren't in the mood, and... Fuck. You were just afraid of glitching out again. To be fair, it was a valid fear.

 

    A thought occurred to you. Just switch it around and glitching wasn't a problem. Plus, you honestly wouldn't mind just giving Vani a jerk off or something. You decided to change strategies.

 

    "Oh, y-yeah?" You tried to make your voice stable out. "Wh-what about you? H-huh? Wh-what if-" fuck stable voices anyway, "what if I wanted to jerk  _you_ off, huh?!"

 

    Okay, well, it's out there now. ...There it is. Sitting in between the two of you as you looked at each other, his gaze slowly becoming more heated. He was up and coming at you in a second. You stepped back quickly in response, mostly at the speed he was coming at you with. Said speed made said step a kaput point. His heat was already all over you as he crushed you to him in a kiss. He broke away before you even started to respond.

 

    "Prove it then," he murmured with hot breath against your lips.

 

    You were both covered in black as he kissed you again, stepping forward into you, making you have to step back awkwardly. You were aware you were being corralled through the darkness place again, to where you didn't know and didn't care. You just enjoyed a good solid kiss, letting him guide you as you were tangling your fingers in his hair, moving your lips against his.

 

    He started falling backwards, taking you with him, and you reflexively became very concerned about falling, trying to resist, but you both landed safely on a soft thing. You looked around quickly. You were back on the Fuck Bed- just the bed. Bed. It's a bed. ......For FUCKING.

 

    You looked down at him, seeing more skin in your peripheral vision than you normally did. Looking down further, you saw the suit was almost completely gone already. He lied under you, naked, gazing at you with a lust filled vision.

 

    "Go ahead."

 

    It somehow sounded like a dare  _and_ a promise. You were suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that he was giving you free reign. You didn't know where to start. You looked at him and decided you wanted to kiss his neck and run your hands over...fucking everywhere. So you did. You gave gentle kisses and nuzzles on and around his neck and shoulders, letting your hands slide all over his skin, feeling greedily drunk that he was letting you explore his form like this.

 

    You realized what a far cry in styles of affection you had, hoping your more gentle nature could still do it for him. His breathing had picked up, his eyes closed, brows a little furrowed. And then there was the fact that he was rock hard. So you were doing something right. Then it occurred to you. What if he _really_ got off on you being gentle with him? It must have been such vast difference from how he was used to being treated.

 

    The thought made you frown sadly, so you decided to replace it with thoughts of using your mouth on his nipples. Because that's what you did. He jerked, grunting in shock, and you quickly looked up to see if he was okay with it. He stared back with wide, surprised eyes. Wait, that's... You watched in fascination as his face became very _red_.

 

    You'd done it...and it went straight to your crotch through your heart. He opened his mouth to...something, but he uncharacteristically floundered for a moment. You took the opportunity to do it again before he could get his bearings, keenly and blissfully aware of the taste and feel of his nipple against your tongue. His breath hitched as he swallowed down a noise, and you felt his leg jerk.

 

    You carried on, since it seemed to do it for him, and if it was in a bad way he already would have smacked you in the head and called you 'idiot.' So you blissfully sucked, aware of every little strained breath and twitch he made. It was heaven. Finally, after he was practically hyperventilating, and oh look, _that's_ a tight sheet grip he has in his hand, you had pulled back.

 

    You took a moment to appreciate his tightly closed eyes, deeply furrowed brow, firmly set jaw, and a deep kind of color shade you didn't normally see on him. _God_ , you _loved_ this. You carried on quickly enough, going straight for his cock, because you were a _kind_ of hungry. You started massaging his ballsack with one hand, the other firmly holding his shaft so your mouth had a clear shot of the head.

 

    You did it all at the same time as you could, wanting to hear the most beautiful sound in the world again. You got a sharp gasp and a small jerk of the hips. You were careful around the expected movement, not wanting to nick him with your teeth. You alternated between showing love to the tip and taking the whole head into your mouth.

 

    You were always careful not to go too far, accounting for any unexpected movement so you wouldn't choke. You used your hand for what you couldn't get with your mouth. For the most part, he had surprising control, only the occasional jerky movement happening, which both pleasantly surprised and impressed you. He was back to desperately trying to not make noise, everything being cut off and swallowed down, his breathing ragged.

 

    That was satisfying enough, but after what he pulled with _you_... You stopped, pulling away so you could talk to him.

 

    "You know, it doesn't feel fair that you can make me practically sing like a canary, then be so quiet yourself. Quite frankly, I would get off immensely at any kind of noise you could make, so please, feel free to let it rip. You don't sound like your vocals are having a very comfortable time up there."

 

    You looked at him with innocent understanding. He looked back with as much a glare as someone in his state could manage. Which was an impressive amount for someone so red faced.  _Fuck_ , he was  _gorgeous_. But you wanted to get to the root of the issue here.

 

    "No, really, what's up with your vow of silence? Or is that just how you do be? Because-"

 

    " _Shut. Up._ "

 

    He slammed his head back into the mattress in what you guessed was frustration and irritation. You couldn't blame him. You understood, you really did. Which was why you decided to be nice to him. You could talk after, for now, you wanted to guzzle his cum. You continued where you left off, getting a solid one grunt from him which was probably from relief.

 

    You put _vigor_ into it this time. You were loving before, but now you wanted to give him a properly strong send off. You focused in, relishing all sensation you could out of it. You were particularly fond of how warm he felt in your mouth, the way you could hear in his breathing how you affected him.

 

    There was also the _taste_ of him. It was precum, so you weren't going to pretend it tasted _good_ , but it was _him_ , in every literal sense. So it was a stupid kind of satisfying as you would lick it off and it smoothed over your tongue before you swallowed it down. You realized in how badly that you wanted every part of him that you were in _deep_. There was him, and whatever he was, you wanted to curl up in it for a long time. _Deeply_.

 

    He tensed, and your ears were finally blessed with all that was good in the form of his unrestrained voice. The inside of your mouth became coated with him as you determinedly took it all inside of you. He tapered off, going limp into the mattress, done. Spent. You hoped. You wanted nothing more than for him to be as pleased as he had made you.

 

    You leaned back, regaining a comfortable position, realigning yourself after your enthusiastic performance. You were elated and...incredibly turned on now that you stopped to actually notice. You had been so intensely focused on everything that was _Vanitas_ , that you hadn't fully realized until now.

 

    Elated as you were, you grimaced at the taste coating your tongue. It still turned you on incredibly that the inside of your mouth was covered in _him_ , but semen was semen, and it left things to be desired in the taste department. That was just how it was.

 

    As you swallowed and took more remnants of him into your system, you recalled just exactly what you had done with him. You watched him come down from the high, panting, looking that relaxed kind of way you just didn't see him as at other times. Oh no. Your body was _singing_ with its own need. Fuck. Ass. Fuck your ass. No no, wait, just focus... You had to take care of this on your own time, but this was your room, and he was still in it.

 

    You weren't just going to kick him out right after a blowy, but you had a problem over here. Even after everything you had done together, you couldn't possibly start jacking it in the same room as him. There was just no way. You sat at the end of the bed, conflicted about how to handle yourself while he enjoyed his post-bliss. You stared beseechingly at his almost sleeping looking form. His peacefulness made you feel better, just seeing him like that.

 

    But _fuck_ \- You breathed hot rapid breaths, trying to cool yourself down. Why did he always manage to make you into a desperately needy bitch? Oh yeah, that's right, you were in deep. You _wished_ you were in deep- An exhale of a laugh got your attention. Your eyes snapped back to him to see a lazy half opened eye watching you.

 

   "Weren't lying about getting off to me, were you?"

 

    You had been guiltily caught in your needy heat. You froze, not knowing how to respond. He sat up slowly, getting a better look at you, narrowing his eyes for a second.

 

    "Uh," escaped your dumb mouth.

 

    That set hell loose, his face breaking out into a look you could only describe as 'I'm going to fuck up something real good and I'm going to like it.' Your eyes widened in split second realization before you were dragged by the ankles further back onto the bed, landing on your back. Not a millisecond was wasted as your pants and underwear were removed at the same time, his tongue greedily lapping at where it was needed most.

 

    You were immediately a hot screeching mess, begging him not to stop, nonsensical praise about how good it felt spilling out of your lips. He came at you hard, with everything he had, satisfying a kind of deep need that only he could. And he _did_. You were blown away by how good everything felt, your mind baffled. Your body reeled, completely given in to nothing but him and how he was making you feel.

 

    His hands took a break from down there to travel upwards, grasping at your heaving torso and chest, his thumbs working circles into your nipples at one point. You ripped your own shirt off to give him better access. Everything felt so hot, so _good_ , you couldn't process, you just, you couldn't, you- You came hard. He kept working at you, keeping you coming as long as possible. You had to move your hands down to shove him off after you became oversensitive. Then you slumped, blank brained, floating in a pool of fucking happy.

 

   After catching your breath and coming down a little bit, you yawned, your eyes drifting around to look for Vanitas. For cuddles. He had sat back against the headboard, casually watching you, looking smug. And _happy_. Happy smug. Smug happy. _Happy_ is really what you focused on. You shifted your joyful, limply post-orgasm body over next to his leg. Hugged it as you lied there.

 

    He probably gave you a look about how you were hugging his leg, but you were in too much blissfulnessment to care.

 

    "Don't _dare_ fall asleep again."

 

    WHELP. Nothing woke someone up quite like a Vanitas threat. You opened your eyes and looked at him. He was glaring daggers into you. You did a weird giggle-laugh thing, as you were prone to do post _sex_. Mmm, _sex_.

 

    "Hey Vani, has it ever really occurred to you that we've actually had the good ol' bangeroo? Like, with _each other?_ "

 

    You looked at him in wide eyed conspiratorial joy. He looked back like he was watching you have your typical post deed giddy fit. Oh wait.

 

    "Haven't thought about it."

 

    "Lllllll _iar_ ," you called out, not even knowing if it was a lie.

 

    "You _caught_ me," he mock admitted, flicking your forehead gentler than he normally would.

 

    "See? It's the kind of thing you think about, like how I think about how I might be-" You clamped your trap shut over 'falling in love with you.' "Like how I think about how you secretly love ice cream. Because I know you do. ...Well, I don't, but-" You were trying to change course speedudiciouslyexpeditedly, it going not so smoothly.

 

    "Wait. What were you actually going to say?"

 

    Oh, ASS, of course he caught on to that.

 

    "Nothing," you quickly rushed out.

 

    Damn it, why were you such a bad liar? You knew why, it was because you hated lying in the first place. You didn't know how you had pulled it off at all thinking back to your early time here.

 

    " _Llllliar_ ," he parroted back to you.

 

    Fuck, now even your own words were being used against you.

 

    "It's...not something you would want to hear, believe me."

 

    "Tell me anyway."

 

    You kept silent, looking away guiltily.

 

    "Breaking your promise?"

 

    FUCK. Was he really- he's really guilt tripping you. This felt so unfair.

 

    "Look...please just trust me on this one."

 

    "I don't. And now that I see how much you want to avoid it, I _really_ need to know."

 

    "It's not...something bad or anything, it's just...please just trust me here, I'm serious."

 

    "So am I."

 

    You stared at each other in a deadlock. Well, more like he was pinning you down with his eyes, and you just looked worried. What did you do here? Maybe if you told him the truth, but phrased it _much_ differently. You put your face back down, burying half of it in the bed.

 

    "I just kind of care about you 'cuz we're friends 'n shit okay," you mumbled.

 

    "Stop chickening out and say it so I actually hear it this time."

 

    You lifted your head back up, looking him in the eye for it this time.

 

    "I. Care. About. You. ...There, are you happy, you have my deep embarrassing secret. So fuck off."

 

    You slammed your head back onto the bed, grumbled.

 

    "...That's it? I don't buy it. You've always been up front about your stupid affections. So why hide it now? It's something else you're not telling me. So either keep your promise, or I'll make you keep it."

 

    ...BITCH, ASS. What the fuck. You regained eye contact, pissed off now. You glared, upset this topic was still going. He looked intrigued by your reaction.

 

    "Now I _know_ you're hiding something."

 

    "Yes, because the fact that you're being a jerk right now has nothing to do with it," you snarked back.

 

    He raised a condescending eyebrow at you.

 

    "How?"

 

    "You keep insisting on a thing that I have very clearly told you to _drop._ So _drop it._ "

 

    You were actually angry and upset over this. Partly because he was indeed being an ass, partly because you were terrified of how he would respond if you _did_ tell him the truth. He gave you a long hard stare. You stared back just as hard.

 

    "Just tell me. You're the one making a big deal out of something you said yourself wasn't anything bad."

 

    Looking at it like that, you started to see where he was coming from. A little. You plopped back down, partially defeated into an honesty hour.

 

    "...I'm afraid of how you'll react..." You admitted.

 

    Glancing at him, you were able to see that he looked somewhat bewildered at your confession.

 

    "Why?"

 

    Another question you didn't want to answer, because maybe you didn't want to admit the answer to yourself.

 

    "...It's scary... I mean, more accurately..." You shrunk away from him, old fears resurfacing. Why did this have to happen in _this_ room? "Y-you're...scary...sometimes. I mean, I trust you to keep your promise," youdidyoudidyoudidyoudid, you chanted it in your head as a mantra,"I do. It's just...the last time I reached out to you like that... In this _**same room**_ ** _-_** " You cut off, your breath hitching, strained. _ohgodohgodohgod_

 

    You were flicked in the forehead again, less gently this time. You whimpered in surprise as much as pain, flinching back.

 

    " **Stop.** " He let that sit for a moment. "You're not making any sense, but whatever you're trying to say, I'm never going to do anything like that again. No matter what you say to me. So _stop freaking out_."

 

    He looked frustrated. Wait... _he_ seemed freaked out under everything else. And you felt his words to be true, in that way that couldn't be faked. You still felt spooked, but you were calmed by that enough to avoid a hysteria. You focused on breathing, on the very fact that you _were_ breathing, see? Everything's okay. ...okay. ...right?

 

    "Tell me..." You breathed out, unaware you were even going to say anything, but out it came anyway. "Tell me it's okay...because sometimes it doesn't feel okay."

 

* * *

**Something in his heart seized.**

**Familiar.**

**What they were feeling was something familiar to him.**

**The way it radiated back to his own heart, right where it belonged.**

**Lost.**

**Hopeless.**

**The way they had spoken, sounding broken.**

**Internally, he started laughing.**

**He laughed at the fact that he should be laughing at them, but he wasn't.**

**So he laughed at that instead.**

* * *

 

 

    You heard a weird huffing kind of breathing. You looked up from your own pit of despair to see Vanitas looking _wrecked_. Oh no. Not again. What was this? What was happening? Why did it suddenly feel like everything was terrible? You couldn't understand, but more than that, you just felt _bad_. Your only source of comfort being who had started all this in the first place, you went to hold him, wanting to help him as well as yourself.

 

    You stumbled.

 

    He wasn't there.

 

    Nothing was.

 

 


	25. Glitched

    You sat at your desk at home.

 

    That's not right.

 

    w _ **f**_ a _ **a**_ l _ **l**_ k _ **l**_ i _ **i**_ n _ **n**_ g _ **g**_

 

 

      f             _i_

            a              **l**

          You tried.

      u                     _e_

                  **r**

 

 

You    Tasted cinnamon

 

 

 

 

    Void.

 

    Here again.

 

    There's nothing here.

 

   

    **Nothing**

 

 

    Hey, where's Vani? You should visit him. It's be ** _t_** en **_h_** a **_e_** while. **_Y_** ou should ** _a_** n't neglect **_l_** your f ** _l_** riends.

 

    You st **t** epped into hIs house. Oh, that's right, it's been 1 1 0 1 years. Vanitas is dead.

 

 

    N              O               I                  S                  E

 

     r

      u       h

           s        

     ing

 

 

 

    g a sp o **F _a_** _i_

r

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    You fell back onto a hard surface, landing roughly. _OW_. You hissed sharply in pain. Your eyes scanned wildly on their own accord, your mind still reeling. You registered a bed. A room. Vanitas. On the bed. Looking confused and freaked out. You started to place the pieces together, putting back into position your broken mind.

 

    It happened again.

 

    It happened. Again. Right? That was the only explanation. You felt so confused and out of place. You looked at Vanitas. Who was here. He was here. Not dead. Wait, why on earth would he be dead? That was a strange and concerning thought that you didn't know why you had. You realized he would have no idea what just happened again.

 

    You couldn't even remember the moment before very well. You were both on the bed. You got upset over... Oh, that's right. It came back now. The space in between then and now was... _bad_. You were just going to describe it as _bad_. You stood up, wincing.

 

    "Okay, so I don't know what that looked like for you, but I'm putting it out there now, it happened again. So I feel really disconnected from whatever is happening here, and I don't know how much time has passed... Oh, actually, that's right, it's like no time for you. ...Fuck, you look..."

 

    You really took in his appearance. He was staring at you in a lost, pained sort of way. That's right. He was...affected too, before... Fuck, what the fuck had _that_ been even? There were too many unexplainable things in your book of things right now. So you just needed to do what needed doing. Which was calming you both the fuck down. It was one thing to be freaked out yourself, but seeing it mirrored in Vani made you want to do nothing but hug the shit out of him and make it all better.

 

    You didn't want to ask if it was okay for you to hug him, because you wanted to comfort him, because he looked like someone who needed a hug, _because_ he would probably take that to mean you calling out his vulnerability,  _which_ would just make him feel worse- Internal inhale. So you would take a different approach.

 

    "Look, I know you're not the cuddly type, but I'm really freaked out right now, and I just want to check if it's okay with you right now if I go for a teeny tiny hug?"

 

    It was also the truth. You just wanted to snuggle your face all up in his chest, because it would make you feel better. And you hoped maybe a soft snug would make him feel somehow better too. He looked confused and almost taken aback by the question, then he shook his head out a little, trying to clear it and compose himself. He still looked tense and strained, brow creased, but more put together than he was.

 

    "You're so weak and pathetic..."

 

    You didn't know why, but you got the sense he was half saying it to himself as much as you. At least he was back to some semblance of his normal self. He shifted to a sitting position from the 'at the ready' tense kind of upright kneeling coil he was before. He looked at you after a beat passed.

 

    "Well, idiot?"

 

    That was all the invitation you needed. You sprung onto the bed with him, sliding right up to his side to press your bodies together, nuzzling your face into his chest just underneath his neck. You pushed, and were mildly surprised when he let you topple him over so you were both lying down. _Perrrfect_ , you internally purred at the ideal cuddling that was now happening.

 

    You pressed into him so that you were pretty much lying on top of him- Fuck it, you situated yourself so you were literally on top of him, your fronts pressed together. You pressed your legs down around one of his, your face now buried in the side of his neck, your arms wrapped under, a hand beneath his head, smooshed into his hair.

 

    Now _this._ Just felt _nice._ Really fucking _nice_. The fact that you were both still naked helped. You cooed in a sedated bliss, trying to wriggle yourself further into him. You heard a sarcastic bark of a laugh.

 

    "See? You're _stupidly_ affectionate."

 

    He said that, yet it did not go at all unnoticed by you how he then shifted into you right back, an arm reaching around your back to hold on. You made a positive agree-atory sound. _This_ felt like magic. This must be what magic was. Fuck fire spells and shit, this was it right here. You wanted to have a stupid and adorable small talk sort of conversation with him like this, but that brought up the thought of what you had been avoiding confessing before.

 

    A crazy tendril of 'What if you just told him now?' wisped by, and you quickly shut it down with a 'Nope.' Vanitas was the kind of person who didn't get close to people quickly, if at all. You still had no _idea_ how he really felt about you. By everything that he had done for you, you could establish he at least kind of saw you as a friend, or someone he wanted to keep around at the very minimum.

 

    Or maybe you were trying to think of it from a Vanitas sort of view too much. You were both friends, at least, you knew that much. You were just afraid to try to admit to yourself just _how_ much you could potentially mean to each other. And _that_ fear stemmed from the fact that he probably wasn't as fond of you as you were of him.

 

    Or _maybe_ you were thinking about it wrong. What if Vanitas _wasn't_ the extremely cautious, withdrawn type he had every right to be? What if instead, he was the type to latch on to someone he finally got along with like a shark. Very shark latchy. Actually, now that you thought about it, that sounded like it fit him better. Much better.

 

    "Hey, have you ever thought of yourself as a shark? I feel like you're very shark-like."

 

    "If that's the case, then you're a puppy who trips over itself."

 

    You pulled back just enough to give him a squinty-eyed glare. Then realized it for the compliment it was.

 

    "So you're saying I'm adorable and endearing? Because that's what you're saying."

 

    "I'm saying you're small and stupid."

 

    "Llllliar."

 

    You felt safe enough now to use that word again, despite what happened last time. You pressed the tip of your nose to his, removed it.

 

    "Boop, bitch."

 

    He flicked your forehead, unpleasantly, but not as painfully as before.

 

    " _Flick_ , bitch."

 

    The look you gave him was insultoffendbaffletoucheimpressed. Then it was just impressed. He was _learning_. The clever lad had picked up things from you, and there was no going back. But then again, you'd also picked up a thing or two from him. Like how to be more bold. All in all, you had exchanged a lot of things together, some more literal, but figuratively as well.

 

    The thought made you warm from the inside out, and you settled down into staring at him with unintentional love struck eyes.

 

    " _Ugh_ , don't stare at me like that."

 

    You continued, unfazed.

 

    "Hey, do you..." You wanted to ask him something about himself, but started speaking before you knew what to ask. You went with the first thing that came to mind. "Are you more into pancakes or waffles? Wait, you don't eat, fuck. I just asked the first thing I thought of. Um..."

 

    "Why should it matter anyway?"

 

    "It doesn't, I'm just curious. I want to know more about you. What you like. What do you like? What are your favorite things?"

 

    He thought about it.

 

    "Seeing people scatter like rats when I first spawn unversed in the area is pretty satisfying."

 

    You would have gotten a chill if you didn't expect that sort of thing from him. Oh wait, you got a tiny one anyway.

 

    "Ah," you noncommittally answered. "Okay, so that's cool," was it? "anything else?"

 

    He thought again.

 

    "It's nice when you beg."

 

    Your face filled with color at the comment. Of _course_ , of fucking _course_ he had to.

 

    "Anything _else?_ "

 

    Looking smugly satisfied by your response, he went back to thinking again.

 

    "...Sometimes I wish I could watch a world burn and fall in on itself."

 

    It was said quietly, more retrospective. Oh no. The realness was here. The seriousness had dropped. He was...opening up to you? Like, a lot? You didn't dare stop this train, on until the end. You watched him, entranced. You had to be careful not to misstep and accidentally end this too soon.

 

    "...anything else?" You whispered gently, afraid of breaking this.

 

    He looked back at you from where he had seemed to be in his own thoughts. Now he was looking at  _you_ and thinking.

 

    "You."

 

    Just 'you.' You thought he was going to add something, but he didn't. He had a slight frown and displeasement on his face. You didn't want that.

 

    "Well, you look like I make you sad. I don't want to make you sad."

 

    He huffed out a sigh, eyes narrowing a second, then he looked more neutral again.

 

    "Don't give yourself so much credit. If anything, you're just confusing."

 

    Oh thank God, at least it seemed like you didn't make him sad. You wouldn't have been able to stand that.

 

    "I thought I was also adorable and endearing," you lightly joke teased.

 

    "You _do_ give yourself too much credit."

 

    "Maybe I can back it up."

 

    "You can't."

 

    You pouted.

 

    "But...you stick around anyway, right?"

 

    Maybe you were looking for a little reassurance. So what? Sometimes you needed some. Maybe actually hearing it was nice. Maybe you didn't need a reason. You could glean from his actions _plenty_ , and that would have been enough, if he didn't want to say it. Because you knew it was true even if he didn't. Actions spoke _volumes_ , especially with him. That said... _fuck,_ just hearing it would be great, okay?

 

    "...Maybe."

 

    'Maybe'? What the fuck did 'maybe' mean? You started having doubts. Doubts that he would leave you anyway, after all of this. It was a scary thought. Of course, you would let him go if that's what he wanted, because you _did_ genuinely care for him, _but fuck it would hurt_.

 

    " _Fine_ , I'm not going anywhere, stop making that face, it's pissing me off."

 

    You didn't even realize how much your face had crumpled until his words lifted it again. You were happy. You were so happy. You kissed him in your happiness. It was a short smooch, but it was all that was needed to express yourself.

 

    He let out a short sigh, looking exasperated. But a tiny smile happened the longer he looked at you. Maybe he wasn't aware of it. He couldn't have been, or he wouldn't have let it show on his face. Because that's all it was. A smile. None of the extra stuff that normally came tacked on with it. He just looked happy.

 

    You freeze framed it in your mind (and literally sent out a command for a picture, because you could do that), trying to memorize every little detail of him in this moment. To the extent that you too, didn't realize you were smiling back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I've ended on pure fluff. I've finally fucking done it.  
> And my new (coughcheapestIcouldfinddecadeoldrefurbishedfromaslightlyshadydealercough) laptop is here and actually works, so FUCKIN' BIG YAY ON THAT. FUCK, writing is so much easier again now.  
> Also, over 50,000 words doesn't even look real, I'm just. ...WHOO!!! EVERYBODY HAVE PIE! *sudden pie table* You are all the bestestest, thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to get this far. Okay, have a good day/night. *poofs away to eat own pie*


	26. Beach

    You had the urge to do something special. After everything you and Vani had been through, you thought a special treat was deserved. You wracked your brain. Ice cream, nope. Bistro, nope, Sunset Hill...nice, but already been. You started to fully grasp the confines of being limited to one world. There had to be something, _something_ that-

 

    You gasped out loud, jerking up higher off of Vani. _How did you forget about the fucking beach?_ Such a big deal was made out of it being a special place. _It was perfect_. Oh god, wait, tickets. You still had enough to buy one for yourself, but you would need more for Vani- wait. Vani. Can literally teleport. Well, close enough to teleportation anyway.

 

    You looked back down to him, filled with an eager glee. He had his eyes narrowed at you. Oh, he knew something was coming. Something was coming _indeed_. Muahahahaha...

 

    "Guess what _we_ _can do?!_ "

 

    "I don't like it already."

 

    "The beach!" You happily explained, undaunted by his unenthusiasm.

 

    "There? Boring."

 

    "Yeah, but it's less boring than h- wait. ...Have you...been there?"

 

    You widened your eyes in potential amazement.

 

    "I've searched everywhere in this pathetic speck of a world."

 

    Your eyes widened further. Oh, that's right. You remembered that he had been trapped here before you even arrived.

 

    "Oh...yeah, that's right...but, that makes you like an expert! You've gotta know _some_ places that must be interesting?"

 

    And you were still set on going to the beach, for your own satisfaction.

 

    "Nope. ...But..."

 

    He gave you a pointed look. A look that meant something was coming.

 

    "If you have control over the program, why can't you tell it to stop trapping me here?"

 

    That was a question that he had loaded with a barrel of burning fire. And it was a fair question to ask.

 

    "I...don't have that kind of control. I can mostly just give it character files, and it does the rest. Though, to be fair...I've never...tried? Wait, please don't kill me, I can try right now!"

 

    You got off of him to sit back and focus. He sat up as well and watched you closely. You closed your eyes, starting to shift through any and all settings you could find. There was nothing about unlocking space restraints or anything of the sort. You opened your eyes again. Gave him a disappointed and worried look.

 

    "Um...so I looked...and, um...I honestly didn't see anything. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you to be stuck somewhere. But! Maybe in a future update, it'll be upgraded so that it can do things like that! And fix some of those terrible glitches..."

 

    You really did feel bad for him. You wished greatly that this was a problem you could just fix yourself. You also hoped that someday soon, the program would be able to do that. For him. He deserved it. What he did _not_ deserve was to be trapped here.

 

    Just a split second of disappointment flashed across his face before he glared at you, pissed off. You shrank back apologetically. A couple seconds passed before he averted his gaze to trying to set the wall on fire with a look. Honestly, you felt bad for the wall, and surprised it  _didn't_ combust.

 

    How did you make him feel better? He'd probably fry you alive if you tried cuddling him again right now. This seemed like a good time for smashy smash.

 

    "Hey, uh..." He didn't look at you, which was probably for the better. "That busted fridge is still out there. You could beat it up some more?"

 

    His glare turned fully intense, his body tensing up. You thought he was going to smash a hole through the wall. Instead, he closed his eyes shut tight, rapidly hissing air out of clenched teeth. Then he started to relax. Just a few seconds and suddenly he looked back to his state of calm, which was more of a begrudging, grudgeled state of calm, but that was just him.

 

    You were a little befuddled by the sudden shift. Then you remembered the time you hugged him so he split a tree in half then casually suggested it as a meeting spot. Right. Vanitas Thing.

 

    "I think I can find something to destroy at the beach."

 

    You were surprise-delighted-confused by the suggestion. Were you really going to go to the beach?

 

    "No objections here. But what are you going to do, try to evaporate the ocean with firaga magic?"

 

    He looked at you, considering. Oh my gosh, he was _actually_ considering it.

 

    "Maybe I will."

 

    It was said simply, matter-of-fact. His suit quickly retook its form over him, and he stood up, seemingly ready to go.

 

    "Are you going to get dressed, or do I have to drag you there naked?"

 

    TIME TO GET DRESSED. SWIFTLY. You hastily dressed, thankful you weren't dirtied up enough to need to clean yourself first. You had barely finished when it was grabbed-by-the-wrist-dragged-through-dark-portal-o'clock again. Joyous of days. You followed in silence, stoked by the fact that you were actually going to SEE this beach only spoken of in le- OH MY GOD IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

 

    Twilight glimmered in beautiful shades over the rolling waves and grains of sand. There were shops set up selling beach food, beach knick-knacks, beach apparel, beach beaches. There were some people, but it wasn't as crowded as you expected. Not even close. Thank God.

 

    You were smitten. Struck. This place...YOU LOVED IT. You tore your gaze away from its majesty to look at Vanitas, to gush over how awesome this place was. He was staring at something with a kind of expression that gave you pause. It was subtle, almost more of a feeling than anything you saw. You became concerned, an unpleasant chill running through you, smile dropping from your face.

 

    You quickly tried to locate was he was looking at. The people. You realized it was the people he was giving that kind of look. You looked back to him, he was still radiating malevolence. He had never reacted to people this way before, at least that you could tell, but then again, back then he always had his mask on. Literally, and maybe more figuratively than you had realized.

 

    "They're all fake. Me and you are the only _real_ ones here. ...Right?"

 

    It was like he was double checking _and_ testing you to see if there was anything else you hadn't told him. You had this feeling in your gut that this was a very delicate situation. A wrong answer could potentially spiral things out of control. You just _felt_ like he wanted to attack them. Call it a hunch, but you were sure you were right. And it frightened you, to see him like this. More than anything, it scared you because you knew this was who he _was_.

 

    This was _him_. On a deeply intimate level. And seeing it for the first time in a while, you didn't know how to react. Your first instinct was to protect the people. But then you thought. What if they weren't real? Because they weren't. They were NPCs for the most part. You had never thought about it before like that, too immersed in _everything_ here to even question it.

 

    But even still, it wasn't right to hurt them. They were real enough, and that was all that mattered. You quickly shifted through the options and settings again, looking for a way to keep NPCs from truly being harmed. You couldn't find anything like that. You had thought about the possibility of letting Vanitas have his fun, an outlet he could never otherwise achieve in such a way, but you didn't see any way of keeping anyone from possibly getting truly hurt. And you just couldn't stand that.

 

    "Wait, Vanitas..."

 

    You felt like you had to stop him before even answering his question. You actually got him to look at you, which was a good sign. He had looked almost confused for barely a second. Maybe it was the desperation in your tone. He still mostly seemed his normal version of neutral. Maybe he was surprised you picked up on what was under the surface. You continued.

 

    "I...I can say that we're the only 'real' people here, but that doesn't mean...that doesn't mean you should hurt them. They're still people, even if they're a little more...base code...-y, than us."

 

    _Now_ he looked surprised. He quickly narrowed his eyes at you, the glare starting to return.

 

    "Why not? You said yourself, they're not real. Even if they were..." He looked back toward a group, his glare intensifying. "Why shouldn't I?"

 

    He sounded so sure of it, and why was he even letting you stop him to begin with, and oh god he's probably about to attack- You hugged him tightly. It was the last resort first thing that came to mind. You were shoved off quickly, none too gently. He looked frustrated-embarrassed-confused-angry. Angry. Frustrated.

 

    "What are you doing?" He demanded.

 

    "I panicked and it was the first thing that came to mind!" You honestly squeaked back.

 

    He did one of those slightly insane mocking laugh things.

 

    "So your first instinct was to, what? Stop me with your _love?_ " He mocked.

 

    "...yes?" You hesitantly answered.

 

    It was the honest truth, though. What else did you have? A couple seconds passed. He started laughing fully this time. It was...one of his more typical laughs. The kind that said 'I'm sort of insane and I can't believe what fucking idiocy I have just witnessed.' As it died down, you liked to think it sounded more like a normal exasperated laugh as it tapered off.

 

    He stared at you, in a worked-up, kind of befuddled way. You stared back, worried. He was back to a neutral expression and posture before you could blink. So you did blink, confused. He looked at something behind you.

 

    "That seems like the kind of thing you would fawn over. Go be annoying over there and stop pestering me."

 

    He turned and started walking away. You were torn. You looked back at what he was talking about. A pretzel stand. ...A PRETZEL STAND. Glorious, best- wait. Just because he was right, didn't mean you could get distracted. You looked back toward him, where he was walking to the least populated area, and closer to the water. It was clear he needed alone time, or at least to be away from you for a while.

 

    You had to trust him. That he wouldn't do anything...bad. You did trust him. You hoped you wouldn't regret it later. That meant only one thing.

 

    PRETZELS, BITCH. GLORIOUS, SOFT, FLAVORFUL PRETZELS. 'Yes, come to me,' you thought, walking over to the shop stand in a totally not creepy way, rubbing your hands together in anticipation and pretzel filled glee. You settled down a good distance from the water after your purchase, devouring. Fuck. ...thas' a good pret. Damn.

 

    It was gone all too soon, but you were happily satisfied enough. Maybe you would get another later. Or... You looked around. What was there all to do at this beach? During your scanning, you saw Vanitas far away, standing several feet into the water, relatively alone. At least he seemed to be cooling off, whatever he was doing.

 

    Maybe you should buy him one of those beach-in-a-snow-globes you had seen during your scanning. Then he could smash it and simulate destroying the thing that had pissed him off the most today. Yeah, maybe you should do that. You started heading that direction. Stopped. What if that just encouraged him to smashy-smash the actual beach? And the people on it? But maybe not. Maybe it would help him vent, actually reducing his want to destroy the beach.

 

    Ahhhh, why was this so complicated? Fuck it, you were buying it. It was a nice gesture if nothing else. You also bought yourself a snow globe that you liked, subtly stashing it away safely. You were so glad you hadn't had to buy tickets to come here. That meant more munny for other things. You went to look around again, but a flash of light and color at the edge of your vision made you look toward it.

 

    Vanitas, still standing in the water, had shot off a firaga right above sea level. You couldn't see the detail from here, but it was enough to know a giant ball of fire had shot over the sea, which led to various reactions from people. The people closest moved further away, not sure what was going on beyond 'big exploding looking thing, run maybe?' A lot of people just stared, wondering what it was.

 

    You started to run toward Vani, just to make sure you were closer in case anyone decided to be an asshole to the guy literally making giant, pretty (and deadly) balls of fire. Vani shot off several more, and you started to have a better view the closer you got, being able to see the water react depending on where he shot it. Directly _i_ _nto_ the water caused the biggest chain reaction, resulting in a lot of movement and steam. Or maybe it was more of a vapor...either way, you stopped, close enough to see clearly, not close enough to get in the way.

 

    You sat down in the sand, wanting to watch what you considered a very pretty and impressive water and lights show. You pulled your knees up, resting your arms and head on them, very content, peacefully watching him work. ...What the fuck  _was_ he doing? I mean...oh yeah, that's right. He's literally destroying the ocean. ...Huh. Dedication was definitely a Very Vanitas Thing.

 

    Dazzled by the 'show,' you didn't notice the lone kid who walked up until he was right next to you. You quickly looked at him, startled. Then you looked behind him at the people almost lined up in a crowd further back. Oh god no, this better not be a mob- wait... It wasn't. Everyone looked...amazed? Kind of confused and concerned, but also impressed?

 

    ...You _KNEW_ Vanitas would be good at grandstanding. If only they would start throwing munny... Gah, no no no, bad greedy brain, focus! You looked back at the kid, who asked you something very simple and straightforward.

 

    "What is he doing?"

 

    This was your big chance to make the public love him instead of hate him. But was that even a good idea? What if that made him hate them more? What if they _should_ be afraid of him? Fuck it, you would answer with the honest truth of what _you_ saw in him.

 

    "Well, you see...he's being impressive. He likes to do that. ...A lot."

 

    You knew most of it was intentional, but sometimes you wondered if certain things he did were unintentionally impressive. Like existing. Shit, you had to stop thinking so fondly of him, focus. The kid apparently wasn't satisfied with that answer.

 

    "Yeah, but like, _what_ is he doing?"

 

    "Uh."

 

    No no no, you got this, you can do better than 'uh.' Shit, uh...

 

    "He's...making big fire do...big things." You gestured around generally. "I mean, you can see that, right? And it's really cool, right?"

 

    The kid turned back to watch again, perhaps to give a final verdict, but Vani had stopped. Stood stock still in the water. You thought about the meta, imagined his MP bar refilling.

 

    "I guess it's cool." Kid answered.

 

    YES, THE PUBLIC LOVED HIM. WAIT, STILL DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S GOOD. Vanitas had turned to look at the crowd of people while you had been distracted with your confused celebration. His expression was blank. Really blank. Which meant bad things 99% of the time. You shot to your feet, looking for an immediate solution.

 

    You started clapping and cheering, hoping to God the crowd would snap out of their confusion and follow. Whether that would even help or maybe even hinder, you had no idea. The kid next to you started giving a moderate clap. Then some guy went "Woo! Yeah!" in a very surfer dude way, and starting clapping and whistling. Clapping and cheering rained in like an avalanche after that.

 

    You watched Vani closely, as his eyes darted around between you, the kid, the crowd. Something told you he was having trouble processing what was happening, because he was still blank faced and like a statue. You needed to get him out of here and to a safe space where he could react however he was going to react, without people around. You ran out to him, splashing through the water. Once by his side, you spoke lowly next to his ear.

 

    "Dude, if you need to dark port away from here, do it. I'll deal with the people."

 

    You watched him, heart pounding. This could go so bad, so fast.

 

    "How'd you do that?" Kid shouted to him from the shore as the crowd died down.

 

    Vani's eyes darted to the kid. His face twitched. You really couldn't tell what was going through his head. It could have been horrific thoughts of murdering everyone here, or...uh...you just really didn't know. What you did know was that he appeared to be rooted to the spot. New tactic. Get the people to disperse.

 

    "Okay, everyone, shows over, thanks for coming!" You shouted in their direction.

 

    Vanitas was suddenly over whatever he was going through, and decided to wreck the nice public image he had just obtained.

 

    "Get lost, you annoying, pathetic, worthless bugs! Before I incinerate all of you!"

 

    He lifted Void Gear toward them, a small fire starting to flare at the tip. ASS, THIS HAD GONE BADLY. Not the worst, because no one was dead yet, for which you were grateful, but that could change very fast. You shoved his keyblades trajectory as off of them as you could as most people started to retreat.

 

    "I would run!" You said to them, really not sure what else to say at the moment but that, because it was the most appropriate.

 

    A few straggled, like they were waiting to see if he would actually do it. _Those_ ones, you would agree with Vani on being idiots. But there was one. Who stood out. As in. Literally stood there. _It was surfer dude_. He spoke.

 

    "Yo, man, what's the deal? You're all rad as hell, now you wanna flame my bits?"

 

    "Surfer Dude, no!" You shouted to him, pleading, "It's not worth it!"

 

    You couldn't hold back Vanitas, his sights locked, flame enlarging. It was now or never to stop this. There literally wasn't time for you to ask Vanitas not to do this, and it seemed like it wouldn't work anyway. So you grabbed the back of his hair and smashed your lips into his, trying to shove your tongue in his mouth for good measure. Fuck, you hoped this worked.

 

    You heard a magic cast go off anyway, and you ripped yourself from him to check. A massive dark firaga had launched, but it was away from Surfer Dude. So far off course in fact, that there was no way you alone caused that much directional change. Vani must have done it himself. You looked back at him, pride and a lecture starting to steam beneath the surface.

 

    "Whoa, man, not cool, I'm outta here!"

 

    And Surfer Dude scurried away. Finally, no people were within a good radius of the two of you. You closed your eyes, leaning your head against Vani's shoulder. Oh, god, you were exhausted and you didn't even know where to start.

 

    "I should've burnt him to a crisp..." Vanitas lamented seriously.

 

    Out of reflex, your hand came up to lightly smack his other shoulder.

 

    "What the fuck," you simply stated.

 

    "It's not my fault they decided to play with fire."

 

    "Firstly, you were the one literally playing with fire. Secondly, they decided to watch and cheer on that, so you thought insulting them and throwing said fire at them was a reasonable response?"

 

    "...You're right. It wasn't reasonable. I should have starting ripping into them the second we got here."

 

    " _NO_ , that's not reasonable either."

 

    But for him it was. Oh God, what were you to do? You lifted your head, looking at him, tired. He looked like he was a solid 100% calm and in control now. Fan-fucking-tastic. Oh, hey, you're still in water and it's uncomfortable to just stand in like this. You sighed and started walking back. You collapsed front forward in the sand, too tired-worried to care about how fucking wet and dirty you were going to be. Ugh, phrasing. Any _other_ time...

 

    A moment later, Vani joined you, his boots in your line of vision as you lied face sideways. Your thinking-of-how-to-deal-with-this mind tiredly picked up details. He was facing the sea, some water still dripping down, sand sticking because of said water.

 

    "I know you're a goody-two-shoes, but why does messing with something that isn't even real bother you?"

 

    You huffed air out through your nose, scattering some sand.

 

    "It doesn't bother _you_ that you could hurt-..." You trailed off. You didn't even know what you were going to ask, but there was no point, because the answer was 'no, it didn't bother him.' "Forget it."

 

    You turned over, facing away from him, listening to the waves to sooth yourself. If you could put everything that happened aside, this place  _was_ very relaxing.

 

    "Your first instinct was to kiss the guy attacking someone. I've said it before, but I don't understand you. Your 'stupid' is on a whole other level that I can't comprehend."

 

    Yup. Look at him go. You ignored him for the ocean instead. The ocean said nice things to you. Silence fell again.

 

    "Say something."

 

    Wow, that was a straightforward request/demand. You humored him.

 

    "Do you really hateeveryone _that much?_ "

 

    "Why wouldn't I? It comes naturally to me. It's what I _am_. ...Don't you know that?"

 

    You sat up, looking at the ocean. You were about to say 'But that's not _all_ you have to be,' before you remembered Ven saying almost the exact same thing. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and furrowing your brow, trying to think your way through the stress you were currently feeling.

 

    "Let me ask you something, and I know we've been over this before. I just want...a 100% sure and honest answer here. We can figure out the rest after." You looked to him now. He stood tall, facing forward, but looking at you. "Do you..." Shit, how did you phrase this right...? "Are you okay with, and really feel you will be...hating everyone and everything forever? The important thing here, is if you _want_ to. That you're okay with that. I just need that peace of mind if that's how it is. Just to _know_."

 

    He looked back out at the ocean himself now, reflecting, you guessed. At least he was taking your question seriously. Silence fell. A long time passed as you both stared out to the horizon.

 

    "I can't say. ...If I don't fill this role, what am I?"

 

    ' _It's all I have,_ ' went unspoken, but somehow bounded through your heart anyway, and you hurt. Suddenly, it all made sense. It _was_ all he had. All he had ever known. He had flipped it around to make it into something meaningful for himself, something to hold on to as his existence, a better reason for being. Because of what he innately was.

 

    But also because of what he was taught by an evil man you wanted to bash the brains of in again. It was a very complicated issue. You were endlessly proud of him for finding his own meaning of being, despite it all. Making something better of something that was shit. You suddenly wanted nothing more than to hug him endlessly. Your breath caught on a sob, and you realized you were crying again, and fuck all of this, _everything didn't need to be so damn hard._

 

    Your sob caught his attention, and he turned to you as you rose, hugging him.

 

    "...You're doing it again."

 

    "I don't care, I love you."

 

    It came out naturally, before you could stop it. It didn't matter what kind of love it was, all you knew was that you felt love for him. Everything could be figured out.

 

    Everything didn't have to be so hard.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, IT'S HAPPENING! Also, I went full ridiculous on a certain part, just enjoying myself and letting it happen. Surfer Dude shall now be known as...... Steve or something. Yeah, Steve's good.


	27. World Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> Brief mention of non-serious-intent ways to kill oneself
> 
> Stay safe, you're all wonderful <3

**It felt like he had been kicked in the stomach and hit over the head at the same time.** **The world started to spin and shift. He stepped back, feeling off balance, trying to right himself.**

 

 **"** Vani? **"**

 

**/Name/ was looking at him. They looked concerned about something. ...While looking at him.**

 

**...**

 

**They were concerned about _him_. That's right. That was something they did. They existed. They were here. And they cared about him.**

 

**...**

 

 _**Loved** _ **him.** **Apparently. So they said. He had no reason to doubt them. That was what concerned him most. How was he supposed to deal with this? He didn't know how to respond, because he didn't understand the current whirlwind inside of him. He stepped back from them further, needing space away from the _thing_ that made him feel like this. Whatever _this_ was.**

 

**They raised a hand to reach out to him, but didn't follow. Their mouth opened on a silent plea, but no words came. He needed to stomp this out. Get rid of what was making... _this._ First, he needed to be sure of what he had even heard.**

 

**"Explain," he demanded.**

 

**They looked confused. Of course. Idiot.**

 

**"What do you mean you..."**

 

**He choked on _love._ He didn't know how to say the word seriously. Not like _this._**

 

**...**

 

**It scared him. Another thing to stomp out. He hated having to admit to himself when he felt such weakling emotions. He forced himself to speak, trying to word it a different way.**

 

**"What do you _mean?_ "**

 

**They shrank back, looking down and away. They looked almost...ashamed. Of course they would be. What did he expect? He glared at them as hard as he could, trying to find an outlet for the surge of emotion he felt. Looking at them so closely... They didn't look ashamed. They looked shy. ...Sad. Scared? Apprehensive. Thinking? Damn it, why was this so hard? He was probably just projecting his false hopes onto them anyway.**

 

 **"** I mean...I mean... **"**

 

 **They took a deep breath, like they needed to prepare themselves for whatever they were going to say.**   **They finally looked at him again, their face starting to turn red. They had that expression they got when they were embarrassed but went ahead anyway.**

 

 **"** I...I love you. By which I mean, I love you, and...I'm falling in love with you. **"**

 

**Their voice wavered some, but they didn't stutter, they didn't look like they didn't mean it. It was the opposite, in fact. They had a determination and truthfulness clear in their gaze. It seemed like they were just embarrassed to admit it out loud.**

 

**_Oh._ If that was the case, he should force them to say it again. A lot. Over and over. _(because he wanted to hear it)_ That was his knee jerk reaction, but he needed to focus on what they actually said. They differentiated between 'love' and 'falling in love.' What was the difference? He needed more information. And if that happened to coincide with making them talk about this embarrassing thing for them, all the better.  
**

 

**"What's the difference?"**

 

**They seemed to catch on right away to what he meant, like they were expecting it, because they looked _mortified_ now. Okay. Maybe he liked this, after all.**

 

 **"** Th-t-t-thaAaat's... **" They coughed. "** Y-you see-ee-ee...wait a minute, you already know this don't you? You're fucking with me! Right? You know this?! **"**

 

**He didn't. But even if he did, he would definitely still say he didn't.**

 

**"I don't," he replied with faux innocence.**

 

**They huffed and crossed their arms, looking grumpy, pout and all. He wanted to bite right into that pout. He would have, and it would have been amazing to see their reaction when they were already so worked up, if they had not been talking about something serious. They coughed again and cleared their throat before they continued.**

 

 **"** You seeEeEe...I already loveyouasafriend butalso I'mcomingtoloveyoumorethanthataswell. **"**

 

**They spoke very quickly, rushing it out. They said it clearly enough, and he was focused in enough to understand what they actually said. Usually, he would have pretended he didn't, just to make them have to say it again. But he was too caught up in the words.**

 

**He gleaned that the important bit was at the end. That was the part he needed important clarification on. The first part, deep down, he could have guessed a while ago if he allowed it. It was something else to hear it said aloud, with such a specific word choice. They had said they cared, and he had begrudgingly already accepted that then. Now, for some reason...everything felt different with that word.**

 

**"'More than that.'" He quoted.**

 

**They looked a little relieved. Probably because he 'understood' them the first time. He went in for the kill.**

 

**"Meaning...?"**

 

**He trailed off, letting it hang. They almost looked stricken, a light wielder before a massive darkness. They gulped. He watched the motion move across their throat before he shifted his eyes back to theirs. They laughed in a way that was in no way a real laugh. A nervous laugh.  
**

 

 **"** Hhheeeyyyyy, ever heard'a romance...n'shit? **"**

 

**They were clearly very nervous, shifting back to that weird way that they talked sometimes. 'Romance,' they said. He knew of the general concept. Two people disgustingly sappy over each other.**

 

**"When two people kiss and hold hands and fall all over each other like idiots, making me want to hurl? Yes, I know about it. Why do you-..."**

 

**He trailed off.**

**...**

**He was having a _horrible_ realization. This was not- that wasn't- Nope. He wasn't even going to entertain the thought. Or he would hurl, much as he stated.**

 

 **"** Uhhh, so, yeah, that's kind of what I mean by 'more.' By...'falling' in love. People usually use that in a r-...romantic...sense. ......Ya know? **"**

 

    **He didn't want to. He didn't want to know, yet the more seconds passed, the more his brain grasped that that was the case. This case. _His_ case. He gagged, an involuntary reaction. He simultaneously wanted to destroy this whole place, vomit, bury himself alive, throw himself off a cliff, walk into the water until he never came out-**

 

**As he was covering his mouth, bent over, feeling like he was dying, his eyes forced themselves open to look at what caused all of this. The thought was briefly on his mind that he should take them with him when he did all of those things, because they caused this, it was their fault. It didn't stay long. That was strange. Like he didn't _want_ to hurt them, even now.**

 

**They looked terribly concerned. They also looked like they were in pain. The reality of everything hit him harshly as the memory of a promise rang out in the back of his mind. Played on repeat. It shouldn't have been as soothing as it was. As he was realizing that he really, truly _didn't_ want to cause them any actual harm. **

 

**Something about it was freeing and also numbing. Maybe because he didn't know how to feel these things, so he was shutting down. He thought he preferred that to this... _this._ **

 

 **"** I...I feel like it's a really bad idea to hug you right now, so... Listen. I have no idea what you're going through right now, but it looks really painful, and...I just want you to know that everything will be alright. Somehow... **"**

 

   **They spoke gently, genuinely. Their voice wavered, and they looked like they were trying not to cry. They did that a lot, now that he thought about it. Cry. ...What an annoyance. He felt drained. 'Everything would be alright.' Of course it would, they didn't need to reassure him of that. He had picked himself up more times than he could ever count, kept going. Because he was strong. They knew that. Maybe they just said it because it was nice to say. That would be a lot like them.**

 

**It would also be a lot like them to say something that made him feel better, even if he didn't admit it. Because maybe 'alright' was different here. Maybe 'alright' here meant something beyond 'pick yourself up and keep going because you have no other choice.' Of course it did. They were always saying sappy things. They probably meant 'you're going to feel fantastic later.' Wasn't that a novel thought...**

 

**He let himself huff out a sarcastic, dull sounding laugh, just as a way of feeling like he was getting something off his chest. He forced himself to stand up straighter, tired of how pathetic he surely looked. Just because he _felt_ terrible didn't mean he wanted that reflected on the outside. Sometimes he couldn't help it, but he would do anything he could to keep it from happening when it was possible.**

 

**They stared at him with that big 'I'm so concerned for you, oh look how sad I am over you, I love to cry in your direction with my big stupid eyes' expression that they were prone to do. He wanted to take their cute face and shove it in the sand and walk away so he wouldn't have to deal with it today. He didn't want to deal with the things he didn't know how to feel that he felt whenever they cared about him like that.**

 

**Maybe he should do what he learned he liked to do. That he would be okay with. He should take. Take all of their concern, all of their _love_ , all of their everything that they offered to him. He liked that. Innately enjoyed taking things. He just wasn't sure how to do it in this moment. So he would tell _them_ to do it instead, and they would. If he asked (even when he didn't), they would give him things. He felt like taking whatever they offered. Even if it was ice cream. He could take that and chuck it into the ocean.**

 

**"Give me something."**

 

**They immediately looked confused. He would take that.**

 

 **"** I...what? B-but, are you, okay? **"**

 

**"Time's wasting, hurry up," he taunted.**

 

 **"** I DON'T UNdeRstAnD, **" they floundered like a beached fish. Appropriate.**

 

**He started circling them like a vulture about to dive in, not caring if the fish was fully dead yet.**

 

**"Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock."**

 

 **"** I- wuh- buh- **"**

 

**They were completely dumbfounded. He would take that. It was satisfying. He stopped in front of them, leisurely took that extra step right up into their personal space. A space he liked being in.**

 

**"Time's up," he whispered near their face threateningly.**

 

**They panicked.**

 

 **"** I don'twuhbuhhuhwhuaaat?! **"**

 

**They started backing up. He followed instinctively, keeping a close pace, just to watch their reeling reaction. He grabbed the front of their shirt, forcing them to stop, then pulled it forward so they were close together again. They gave him one of his favorite looks. Wide-eyed, 'please don't hurt me,' 'I'm at your mercy.' It was funny to him, how they had probably never even considered punching him in the face to get out of these kinds of predicaments.**

 

**"Now you owe me twice as much."**

 

**Of what, it didn't matter. They struggled to speak. Finally, they started to find their words.**

 

 **"** WHAT?! Of what?! I don't even, I'm so confused, I don't understand! **"**

 

    **He let their confused wailing hang there as he stared them down, trying to think up all the various things they _could_ owe him that he wanted. All he honestly wanted was _them_. He wanted them and he didn't know any other way to _take_   _them_ than what he had already learned he liked. He could take their voice, take their body, take their mind, making them tell him whatever he wanted. He liked the idea very much.**

 

**If he was going to take their voice, make them beg, thrill in the unrestrained noises they would give him when he made them lose control... He needed somewhere more private. /Name/ was _his_ and the last thing he needed was to attract more stupid spectators who would see something  _not in any way theirs._ That was a crowd he  _would_ kill with no hesitation. **

 

**The first spot he knew of was the inn room, but the inn room was theirs, and he felt more like having them in a space that was _his_. He wanted them _covered_ in everything that was him. He felt almost territorial. Maybe he was. He knew a place. Set on the very outskirts of the world, somewhere he had once directed his rage toward. Somewhere they had already stuck their nose where it didn't belong. It was perfect.**

 

**He dragged them by their shirt into a dark portal, feeling it fitting to make them follow him with something he was about to rip off moments later. They made their typical sounds of surprise. He lavished in how they were _about_ _to_ sound. All the things he would make them say. Like more 'I love you's. That would be perfect. His imagination went wild with all the ways he could force them to say it. It already played on repeat from the first time.**

 

**'** I love you. **'**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le gasp, what's this, oh me oh my. A fully Vanitas chapter? YEAH BABY, WE IN IT.


	28. Submissive to Your King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WhaHOH there now. This chapter be havin' smut.
> 
> Also, on my quest for gender-neutral porn, I now know that clit and cock are both four letter words that start with C. *The more you know~* So uh...hence the ____.

    You were concerned on multiple levels. This man was giving you emotional whiplash. Currently, as you were being dragged along by your shirt to fucksake knows where, you were concerned, confused, concerned, relieved he seemed to be semi-okay at least, relieved he hadn't reacted _worse_ , still concerned about what the fuck was happening now, because quite frankly, the way he stared you down a moment earlier, made you think you were either about to be murdered...or fucked. Like, _really_ fucked.

 

    You couldn't help a little arousal, because holy shit, but there was something...different in the way he looked at you this time. Like it wasn't just his usual heat. He was typically very good at the 'I want to fuck your brains out' look, but this time...it felt like it was somehow even _more_ intense. Shit, this was because you confessed your love, wasn't it? Was this...a good reaction then??? You really didn't know, you were still trying to grasp everything that went down, trying to figure out his reactions.

 

    You ended up at a lot of destruction. Or at least, the remains of said destruction. Everything was burned and broken down. Blackness and charred remains filled your vision, your nose inhaling what  _truly_ smelled like 'burnt,' no frozen. It only took you a second to recognize the burned forest. This was... Vani had caused this. You remembered. It seemed so long ago now.

 

    That was all the time you had to recognize and reflect, before you were reminded of the hand still fisted around your shirt. You were yanked forward again, right into his personal bubble, a place you (usually) liked to be. His face was just shy of connecting with yours as he gazed at you like he was almost in pain. There was that concerned feeling again.

 

    "Say it again."

 

    It did _not_ sound like a request. Things usually didn't with Vani, but there was a forceful desperation in it now. You became acutely aware of how tightly he was still gripping your shirt.

 

    "Um, okay...what am I saying again?"

 

    "You know what. Prove it to me. Say it again."

 

    You suddenly understood. He wanted what started all of this, what made him react so strongly in the first place. You still felt shy saying it so straightforwardly, but if it was what he needed to hear, then by God, you would say it.

 

    "Uh...I love you? Sorry if that's not what you wanted, I'm kind of confused-"

 

    " _Like you mean it._ "

 

    You gulped. He was being _really_ intense right now, and it was very nerve frazzling, but you tried to keep up.

 

    "I don't have to- There's no 'like I.' I don't have to pretend that I love you, because I do. I love you, Vanitas."

 

    You stared him in the eye as earnestly as you could, meaning every word, practically baring your soul to him. If that didn't convince him, you didn't know what would. He inhaled sharply. Completely froze for a split second. The hand around your shirt tightened even more, if that was possible. The look in his eyes was something you would describe as several things. Insane, scary, wild, way too intense, like he wanted to rip you apart and devour you.

 

    It was terrifying...and deep down inside, a little exciting. Maybe you were an idiot after all, or very simply put...you trusted him. You did. Even as he seemed like he had to consciously try not to rip you apart, and it _was_ scary, you felt like you actually trusted him not to. You dared to lean your forehead against his, wanting _some_ kind of comforting contact during this. You closed your eyes. You were completely open and vulnerable. You trusted him.

 

    He let go of your shirt suddenly. You felt an exhale against your lips. Then with no further warning, he started ripping your clothes off of you as fast as he could. You shouted in pure surprise at the suddenness and desperate pace. All you could do was try to keep your balance, not fall over as you were pulled this way and that until you were completely bare.

 

    You noticed he was too now, and you were shocked at how quickly and suddenly _this_ was now apparently happening, as he slammed you to him and started kissing you so deeply and fiercely it was like he was dying without you. You tried to gain your bearings, overwhelmed, wanting to reciprocate. He licked his way into your mouth already, and _fuck_ , you were already getting noisy, but you couldn't help it, he was shoving so much your way, so fast.

 

    You held on to him for dear life, fingers digging into his back as you writhed in his hold, his erection pressed between you, your tongue working against his mostly out of instinct because of how good it felt. Any solid or sound thought you could have had was chased out into the abyss, already thoroughly lost in _him_ and _need_ and _good._

 

    He broke off the kiss and you gasped for air, everything feeling so hot, your temperature elevated. Your vision was hazy for anything except him. You locked on to his bright eyes, and it was like you were drenched in him. You wanted to jump in and never come out. Did that make sense? It didn't matter, fuck things that made sense, you weren't in the mood.

 

    " _Say it..._ " he whispered against your lips before pressing your foreheads and noses together, staring deep into your eyes.

 

    " _I love you_ ," you whispered back, not needing to ask for what to say.

 

    His eyes closed like he was reveling in it, and you both took a moment, just breathing in the same air.

 

    "I want to hear you. Tell me where you're most sensitive, where you want it. Remember your promise."

 

    Usually, you would've been ashamed or embarrassed to admit such things, but you were so turned on, and he was _literally_ offering, and... Fuck it. You knew what you felt like at the moment, you knew what got you going (and off). You opened your mouth to tell him...and realized it _wasn't_ that easy after all. How did you even phrase it?

 

    "Uh...I'm trying to think of how to phrase this..." You explained awkwardly.

 

    Oh god, mood killer, _think_ damnit...!

 

    "Just say it before I get impatient."

 

    That was a threat to be taken seriously. You blurted out the first words that came to mind.

 

    "Finger stroke! Wait, that doesn't make sense, what I mean is, fi-"

 

    You trailed off, unable to actually get yourself to say 'finger me' out loud. You knew you wanted to be fingered and stroked at the same time, but _saying_ it _out loud_ was something else entirely. Oh god. You covered your face with your hands in an embarrassed panic. He immediately held your wrists and brought them away from your face.

 

    You couldn't even open your eyes to look, frozen, face probably flaming red. A few seconds passed. You felt his lips ghost over yours.

 

    "You have a promise to keep."

 

    It was said lowly, somehow sounding like a simple reminder _and_ a threat.

 

    "I-it's embarrassing, y-you fuck," you stammered, opening your eyes finally to glare at him.

 

    _Oh_ , did he look like he was having a great time. He actually had the gall to smile at you sinisterly, never losing the intense heat that seemed to radiate from him now.

 

    "Say it anyway," he dared, his eyes practically lighting up.

 

    You almost choked, crushed under the weight of how much he was enjoying this. For fuck sake... You tried to disconnect, say it as clinically as possible. No big deal.

 

    "I...want...y-you...tttooo...p-...p-..." You squeezed your eyes shut tightly. "P-put yo- or fINgers in mE! And also strrr..."

 

    That was all you could do, you short-circuited. Done. Kaput. You didn't expect how quickly he would start enacting the first part. One hand released a wrist to start playing with your entrance. You made a shrill noise, taken off guard, your body twitching in response to the stimulus. He started sliding in slowly, and you struggled to stay standing on weakened legs, your mouth falling open on a reverse gasp.

 

    He put your foreheads back together, watching you almost _tenderly,_ in a lioness about to sink her teeth into a steak kind of way. You wanted to spread yourself out, give him better access, but if you moved now, you might collapse.

 

    "Now what was the other part?"

 

    It was spoken as a simple question, too innocently _not_ to be mocking. He started moving his finger around in a circle inside of you, and you knew you were done.

 

    "Gonna fall," was all you could rush out before you fell to your knees, his finger forced to slip out of you roughly, causing you to grunt. He still held your other wrist, suspended above your head now. You looked up, and it was a very vivid image.

 

    Burned remains all around you, as you were fallen on your knees, held captive by your malicious king. A single hand was all it took for him to hold you, as he sat upon a throne where he gave the orders to kill. Where he would watch people beg for their lives, and _smile_. The imagery made you shudder harshly. Looking into your king's eyes, your breath escaped you. Time was frozen. This was...

 

    He tugged on your wrist.

 

    "Stand."

 

    "I can't," you confessed honestly, feeling like you were losing your mind, your heart a storm of emotions.

 

    "And that's true?"

 

    _Like you could fucking lie about that_.

 

    " _Yes_ ," you affirmed, feeling way too exposed, vulnerable, powerless, almost broken in a way.

 

    He ' _Hm_ 'ed to himself in acknowledgement, looking at your raised hand, rubbing his thumb over your palm idly. He kneeled down on his own knees, and suddenly you were both at the same level. It felt like the entire world shifted. You were on equal playing fields. Just _equal_. He let go of your wrist, spread his arms out slightly.

 

    "Then turn around and sit here. And don't be shy, I like seeing _everything._ "

 

    His grin was all fang to you, and you were sure you'd already been bitten and left to bleed out. At least, that was what it felt like.

 

    "Are you aware that one day you will make me go into cardiac arrest?"

 

    There wasn't any way he _wasn't_ aware, but you threw it out there anyway.

 

    "Only if you _want_ me to. Now stop stalling."

 

    That didn't even really make sense, but whatever. You shyly crawled over onto his lap before you lost your nerve, because you _still_ trusted him. God help you. You shuffled back and he leaned forward, placing his arms around you. He grabbed onto your wrists again, and you realized what happened earlier might have awakened him having a _thing_ for that now. Then again, you thought back to all the other times he had already done that anyway...

 

    The thought of Vanitas pinning you down by your wrists being a _Vanitas Thing_ made you... _feel_ _things._ Him speaking lowly next to your ear doubled those feelings.

 

    "Now, I would _love_ to feel you by putting my fingers inside, but there's something else you're not telling me... And I want to make you fully lose control. I want to hear you screaming my name, understand?"

 

    Your entire body was on fire. _Yup, you understood._ _**Strongly.**_ You nodded your head to show you understood before you could even think to stop yourself. _  
_

 

    "Good. So tell me what you really want, **_/Name/_**."

 

    _UNF_. You were a walking dead person from now on, and you were strangely okay with that. You swallowed, preparing yourself. You had to own up, for his sake (and yours). You could do this.

 

    "So If YoU cOuLd StRoKe My ____ WhIlE aLsO fInGeRiNg Me ThAt'D bE gReAt."

 

    Holy fuck of all fucks, you did it. You were incredibly proud (and mortified).

 

    "Hmm... I _could_."

 

    You swore to ffskladjf if- you- he-

 

    " _Should_ I?"

 

    "YES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I SWEAR TO-"

 

    You breathed heavily, trying to calm down.

 

    "Careful what you wish for."

 

    He reached done to stroke you exactly once before drawing his hand away, back to holding your wrist. You made a sound of great pleasure at the contact that finally happened, then keened in frustrated loss when it left.

 

    "You should be nicer to the one you _love_. I might start to have _doubts_. You don't want _that_."

 

    Oh this son of a hot piece of shit, mocking you right now, you could- You struggled against his hold, not even sure what you wanted to do. Just generally smack him, really. It was so fruitless it was pathetic.

 

    "VanIIIIiiiii," you whined at him.

 

    "What? It's not my fault. You're the one being mean-"

 

    "HORSESHIT."

 

    He mock gasped.

 

    "Such a terrible attitude you're showing. I would say it looks bad on you, but..." The fucker nuzzled the back of your neck. " _I like it,_ " he growled. You didn't even. Maybe _today_ was the day you went into cardiac arrest. "Still, you're not getting anywhere until you say what I want."

 

    You were so done. Thrown in the towel. Fine. You hated to admit it, but you got off on being submissive. Really, the only reason you put up any kind of fight in the first place was _because_ you hated to admit it. But this was Vanitas. Vanitas was safe. You could be yourself, and it was okay, and, really, seemed to be what he preferred anyway. _Fantastic._

 

    You took a moment to step back from the sarcasm you used to cope. To really actually appreciate that it _was_ fantastic. You sighed in defeat.

 

    "...which is?" You semi-begrudgingly asked.

 

    He pressed his mouth behind your ear, literally just so that you could feel him smile. Hoh boy.

 

    "To start," there it was, 'to _start_ ' again,"how about an apology?"

 

    "I'm sorry for...what am I apologizing for?" You weren't being sarcastic, you were actually asking.

 

    "Nn-nn, that's cheating."

 

    You thought back. Oh yeah, you called him a piece of shit. You sighed again.

 

    "I'm sorry for calling you a piece of shit. You're...not." Usually. ...Sometimes. Most of the time? Who cared.

 

    " _Better_. Now...you know what I want. Give it to me."

 

    Very Vanitas branded vague. Even so, this entire exchange, the way he spoke softer, what even felt _gentler_... It was incredibly intimate, and your heart was feeling the effects of it. You spoke softer as well.

 

    "I'm going to be honest...that's incredibly vague."

 

    "I want to see if you can figure it out."

 

    He said it even softer, like it was something he was confessing. That made you _want_ to figure it out. You wracked your brain. He probably wanted something very intimate, if this whole thing was any indication. You flashed back to how he reacted when you said you loved him, how he had asked for it to be said. What else was more important than 'I love you'?

 

    If you were wrong, which you very well may be, it was hard to tell with Vanitas, still, no harm would be done. Possibly the opposite.

 

    "I love you," you murmured earnestly.

 

    His grip on your wrists tightened, thankfully not painfully so. You turned your head to nuzzle into the side of his face, eyes closed, content. You realized he had stopped breathing when he inhaled deeply, his grip on you relaxing to what it was.

 

    "Don't think you're smart."

 

    So that meant you were right. You felt an immense satisfaction. It also felt really good to be able to fully realize that he liked hearing it from you. A _lot_ apparently. It made your heart swell. You almost wanted to coo at him, but you held back. You didn't want to go _too_ far.

 

    "Anything else, Vani?"

 

    You always did this. Got comfortable, had that loving feeling, thought,'What could it hurt to ask right now? I can take it.' Oh. _Oh._ When would you learn? His answer was immediate.

 

    " **Beg** **.** "

 

    You choked.

 

    "I-...... _what?!_ "

 

    "Don't play dumb. We both know you're very good at it. You writhe, you stick your chest out, and you say 'please' in that cute little squeal of yours."

 

    ...

 

    _You made a mistake._ A mistake that deep, deep, deep, _deep_ down, you were finally admitting to enjoying. What was becoming of you? As for now, your immediate reaction was to freeze stock still, flame spreading across your face rapidly.

 

    "Go on, let's hear it."

 

    The dead can't speak, Vani. When would he learn this?

 

    "What's the matter? Need some _incentive?_ " He forced your arms high above your head, making you feel more exposed and... _tied up_ , honestly. Tied up  _with_ and _by_ him. "It's easy, just think about how you feel when I move my hand down to your ____ and stroke it."

 

    Oh. Ohohoh. Nonononuhnuhnuh. He couldn't do _this_.

 

    "How it feels when I rub the edges, but barely touch you where you need it. Would that make you beg?"

 

    _he was doing this_

 

    "You said you wanted my fingers inside you. Are you sure? I could do a lot of _things_ like that. It might make you scream. Is that what you want? Do you want to try to thrash away from me as I hold you down and force you to take the full force of what I can do? I can fuck you with my fingers, but I could also hold them deep inside of you and _explore_ wherever I wanted."

 

    You were panting needily, but somehow you barely noticed, too busy hanging off of his every word.

 

    "I can stir you up, spread you out, find places you might not want me to find. Because when I find the spot where you're weakest...the area that makes you _insane_..." He leaned up even closer to your ear, his voice a low almost animalistic growl. "I _will_ show you no mercy."

 

    FfffFuUcCkK- Your hips jerked forward involuntarily, a noise that was just _embarrassing_ in how needy and begging for mercy it was, in contrast to what he had just said. There was no mercy here. You had the sudden realization that that was why you needed to _beg._ You freely let out a long whine. You couldn't help it anymore. You begged.

 

   " _Please, Vani, please, I need, I can't, just touch me, please!_ "

 

    You realized he was right. You writhed around, your back arched, toes curled. He was so right. You did all of those things. Something in you snapped, as you realized you _loved_ the way he was treating you. You wanted him to have complete control over you, you wanted to _submit_ to everything he said and did to you, because he _was right_. You _wanted all of this. He was so right._

 

    He murmured out a growl of sickening satisfaction.

 

    " ** _More, /Name/_**."

 

    You gave him more. You would give him whatever he wanted, forever and always. You didn't care how shrill your voice was, or that it cracked, or did any number of things out of your control in your desperation. All that mattered was that Vanitas loved to hear you beg, and that you both got off on it.

 

    " **Tell me you love me**."

 

    You didn't even realize the vulnerability he had to have been showing, saying something like that so directly, too lost in everything. All you knew was that you loved him, that he wanted to hear it, that you wanted to say it. _Vehemently. With all the enthusiasm that was currently violently escaping you._

 

    " _I love you, I love you, I love you so much I can't even take it, fuck, I love you so much_ -"

 

    That was as far as you got before you fell to the ground, so _out of it_ and _into it_ at the same time that you hardly realized the pain of falling, that you may have been _shoved_ down, no, you just blearily registered that you were on the ground now. It wasn't important anyway, all that mattered was that Vanitas was here, that he was kissing you deeply, that your legs were spread apart and he was thrusting into you.

 

   He reached down between you, stroking you, just like you wanted, and everything was a fever pitch. He _didn't_ show mercy, coming at you on all fronts as hard as he could, and it was _almost_ painful, but it wasn't, and you were coming before you could realize anyway, so it didn't matter, because everything felt too good and-

 

    Nothing mattered but him and you.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I go too hard? Oops. Now, excuse me, I need to go drink several glasses of cold water. For no particular reason.


	29. Tell Me a Story of Myself

_You are free._

 

    That was the first thought to enter your mind as you started drifting back to yourself. You curled your fingers, getting awareness back, bathing in a soothing happiness. You were so pleased that your toes curled in satisfaction. You felt _liberated._

 

**He didn't think about it much.**

 

**Not anymore. He'd become so adjusted to it by this point. Now that he sat watching them, after their _exchange_ , surrounded by silence and ash, the same ash they were now covered in (his ash), he couldn't help but notice.**

 

**That sliver of light. Their light. It was content right where it was. Comfortable and at home in his heart. It had acclimated so well, he was surprised by how natural it felt now. To the point that sometimes he forgot it was there.**

**Now that he was thinking about it though, there was no denying it. Things had changed. _/Name/_ was his light now. He felt less incomplete already. The effect they had on him was profound.**

 

**They were his light.  
**

 

**Even still, he was mostly darkness. He still felt that, felt those urges, felt what he was. He was still who he always was, just more stable. _They_ were still who they were, just more uncharacteristic outbursts. He was honestly surprised the whole process hadn't gone worse. **

 

**From an almost whim of the deepest subconscious of his hopeless, constantly torn heart, to this. He expected _much_ worse. He was still cautious. They were his light, but they weren't _his_ light. The original. Things could go wrong. Despite everything, he found he didn't care too much. All he cared about was staying with them.**

 

**He would force this small, incomplete, imperfect, but still better utopia to last as long as it possibly could. Even then, maybe he would force it to keep going. He didn't know what it would take, but any obstacle he needed to crush, he would.**

 

    You became aware enough to realize what could potentially happen in states like this. You immediately crashed into full awareness, jerking upright, looking around, tense and braced for something terrible and nonsensical to happen. You observed Vanitas, casually sat up next to you, giving you an inquisitive look at your sudden movement.

 

**They bolted awake, sitting up immediately, looking on edge. He was immediately wary. He watched closely with morbid curiosity, waiting to see if they had another 'nightmare' or 'glitch' or whatever it was. Not that he knew what to do if they had. He still found the idea unnerving.**

 

    You studied his face. He studied your face. Everything seemed normal. You weren't sure if you could trust it, but you really wanted to. You tried to relax, telling yourself that whatever happened, happened, and you would deal with it. Talking to Vani was a good start to...things. Just in general.

 

    "Uh, hi. Sorry, I'm just tense because I don't know yet if I'm gonna crash through realities or some shit."

 

    He continued to silently stare at you after you said that. Maybe he was waiting to seeing if it would happen as tensely as you were. You both waited. You stared at each other for a moment, finding the others presence grounding. Then you were drawn to the landscape, because _boy_ was it a type of landscape, and finally, you noticed you were covered in ash.

 

    It was sticking uncomfortably to...already sticky places, and you really just wanted to clean up all of a sudden. Ew. Ash...other-things mixture. Gross, gross, gross. You looked for something to at least wipe off with, but unless you were going to use your now also ash covered clothes, or more ash, or maybe that falling apart burnt wood piece... You sighed. It wasn't happening.

 

    You looked back to Vanitas to see if he was also 'ashen' as it were, and indeed he was. He, too, now looked out at the landscape. There was something about the whole thing you couldn't quite put your finger on. Like some kind of divine symbolism or something weird like that. It was just the whole _place_ , really. It had its own feeling. Another world within a world.

 

    The twilight gave the charred, wreckage littered backdrop an eerie red glow. It really did feel like somewhere else. Somewhere new. Maybe not the happiest place, but different. You found yourself in an odd sense of appreciation.

 

    "You remember when I made this?" He asked you.

 

    You did. There were also things clicking into place in your head at the word choice. 'Made.' Like a world he created. His world. It reflected him beautifully, in a sense. There was something a little creepy about that, but that _also_ reflected him. Then the following words crashed through your mind's barrier and lie scattered for you to do with as you saw fit.

 

    _He_ ** _is_** _the king of his own world._

 

    Your eye twitched at the deep thoughts your brain was throwing at you. You shook your head out a little. Focused on answering the question.

 

    "Yyyyup. You sure burned a forest down. ...Hey, why did you do that?"

 

    You had suspicions, but you never did get an answer out of him. He nudged his head toward something behind you.

 

    "That track must lead out of this world somehow. There's a barrier preventing access after a certain point. So I tried to break that barrier. ...And I wanted to burn something."

 

    You moved so you could look fully behind you, and lo and behold, there was the rubble of a track. You looked around to find intact parts to see where it lead, and it _seemed_ to normally pick up again in both directions a fair distance out. Except one was more clean cut and the other had seen better days, crumbling a longer way down the track.

 

    You could guess which one had the 'barrier.' Although now you weren't certain if it had something to do with Yen Sid, the confines of the system, or some weird mesh of both.

 

    "When you say 'barrier,' what exactly do you mean?" You asked.

 

    "Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?" He somehow managed to make it feel like he was looking down on you despite you both sitting at about the same height. "For that matter... How _much_ do you know?"

 

    _That_ was a loaded question. You tried not to panic. It was irrational, anyway, now. Right? He knew you knew stuff. Except, he didn't know. Not exactly. And now he was asking. _Breathbreathbreath._

 

**It was a loaded question. He had specifically avoided thinking about it. He knew they at least had the general outline, but thinking about just _how far deep_ their knowledge on him could go, it made him uncomfortable. Uneasy. It wasn't even the fact that all of this and he himself were a data construct. It was _how much they knew_. **

 

**Enough to make them attached, for whatever reason, spawning all of this. So it was a necessary evil, almost a blessing, or he wouldn't even be here. With all of... _this._ With _them_. The person called /Name/, who got too attached, and created a world. Gave out a second chance he didn't bother to question. Just take. Because it was here. **

 

**But he still needed to know. And he finally had the guts to ask. _How far deep did this go?_ **

 

    _How much do you know?_ Ha ha ha! That's hilarious. What did you even say? 'So I watched your final moments and it got me real sad so I made all of this ha ha here you go?!' 'Boy, let me tell you about the recent Union Cross updates, they'll melt your brain!' 'Do you even know what a foreteller is?'

 

    Actually... _did_ he know what a foreteller was? It depended on if Ven's memory from that time was intact when the split happened, and if his memory fully transferred over, or if it was just a general knowledge thing. Like how to walk and talk, etc. But you didn't have that information, you just didn't _know_ , and it made your brain hurt to think over all the possibilities and theories and you just didn't _know_ , you didn't _know_ , you didn't _know_ -

 

    You held your head, overwhelmed by trying to remember all the Kingdom Hearts lore you knew. This happened almost every time you seriously thought about it. There was _so much you knew_ , and yet _so much you didn't_. Even thinking about asking him was pointless. Because he couldn't be programmed with something that didn't even exist yet.

 

**Their reaction wasn't promising. Or maybe it was the most promising reaction they could have had. Because now it was clear there was a lot of something they weren't saying. Things _he_ needed to know, _now._ **

 

**He scoffed. " _That much?_ Better start talking."**

 

    Oh god. You'd been so busy in your own head, you didn't even realize-...... So you were fucked. Here you go.

 

    "I hAvE... A lot of general knowledge. On certain things. On _you_...uh...it's still kind of general knowledge. Like, I don't know your daily routine or anything creepy like that," the novel lore jumped to your mind, where you did, but you tried to keep them separate, "It's kind of just like...I know...certain things? A few moments, really?"

 

    Oh no. Oh no, _THAT_ was a look of doom. Of 'Oh really, I'm so interested, tell me more _or I'll kill you_.'

 

    "Oh, really? Why don't you tell me one?"

 

    "Mmmm, I would, but I'm scared, because you look like you'll murder me if I do."

 

    "What, **me?** You have nothing to worry about."

 

    The teeth in his grin were knives of death. The way he was acting, you felt like you didn't have a choice but to tell him, for fear of... You didn't even know, just something. Something scary. Something terrifying.

 

    "UuUuUmMmMmM," you shrilled out, trying to buy time. "...YyOoUu... broke Ven's wooden training keyblade thing to make Aqua mad?"

 

    You were braced for hell to unleash. He looked _shocked_. Actually blindsided. Like he didn't expect you to actually know something like that. Then he clamped his mouth shut, and the glare on you was meant to melt steel. _Now_ you were starting to panic, this was _badbadbad_ , could only end _badly_ -

 

    "Tell me more."

 

    His voice was too calm, didn't match, you were _freaking out_ \- You gasped for air, having forgotten to breath. You had to start fixing this _now_.

 

    "Listen-"

 

    "No, _you_ listen. You're going to tell me everything you know about me. _Right. Now._ "

 

    ......oh. Death. Hello. Good to see you descend upon us mortals this fine day. How are you? Oh, you're here to watch the shitshowstorm that's about to transpire? Good for you, me too. ... _PLEASEHELPMEGETMEOUTOFHERE_ -

 

    "IiIiiiIi don't think that's a good idea, I mean, there's a lot-"

 

    " _ **Is**_ **there?** "

 

    "I mean, not a _lot_ lot, just, oh god, whathafutissappening," you were panicking, words not even fully forming as you struggled to stay grasped to your sanity.

 

    " **Let's make a deal.** You tell me anything about me that comes to mind. ...Now start."

 

    Uh huh, oh yeah, sure, uh huh, yup, hmm, yup. This was doomed from the start, there was nothing you could do, might as well. ...Fuck. So you curled up into a sitting ball, hugging yourself for comfort as you gushed out whatever came to mind.

 

    How Xehanort was a really mean, poo-poo, bad man, and you hated him and how he treated Vanitas, about random moments from his life that you knew about, had seen in cutscenes, even some things you found out from secret reports, like how he sometimes felt what Ven felt.

 

    You couldn't look at him, too scared to. When you were done, and there was a long painful silence, you couldn't help desperately glancing his way to see what was going on. He looked...not fine. Too blank to be fine. Oooooh, you wanted to crawl into a hole and hide, sorry for everything you'd ever done.

 

**He had listened in a detached trance, fascinated in a sick, disbelieving way. Now, he stared at the ground, empty. How he felt about it slowly started to creep in. First and foremost was _weirded out_. He seriously felt put off balance, hearing someone else, _them_ importantly, tell out parts of his life they should in no way know to his face.**

 

**To the ground next to them, actually. Detached as he had been, he was acutely aware of _them_ the whole time. He had to be, to piece together how they felt about things as they said them, to stay grounded to the fact that it was happening. He was aware that they were uncomfortable, and that they harbored a sympathy for him (that he tried not to vomit at).**

 

**Even more than that, they spoke of him fondly, like they held an affection recalling things he had done.**

 

**'-then there was the time Castle Oblivion turned back into Land of Departure and you were sitting on top of Ven's chair, and you were all like 'Venty-Wenty, muahaha' and you held Aqua off with one arm and were really cool and shit, and oh yeah, I'm sorry Sully threw you through a door and then threw that door in a door, and then that door in a door, and-'**

 

**His head hurt trying to remember it all. In the end, what it came down to was that they knew way more than he thought they did. They knew things they _shouldn't_ know. He didn't know how he should feel about it, or how he _did_ feel about it.**

 

 **"** I'm sorry. I know it's really weird and creepy, sorry. Sorry. I just- sorry. **"**

 

**There they went, trying to...make him feel better about it? Like a 'sorry' would fix how unnerved he was. He needed to be away from them, he was too...something, being near them right now. ...Was he...?**

 

**He was creeped out by them. That's what it was. In all his life, he never thought he would be _creeped out_ by _someone else_. Least of all the most unintimidating person he had ever known. He couldn't even look at them without hearing something they said about him playing back in his head.**

 

 **"** -how you felt Ven but he didn't feel you, which seemed like it really sucked, and was kind of weird, but then again, he did have amnesia and the whole Sora thing, and sometimes I wonder why only he went into a coma from the split and not you, like, why? **"**

 

**He stood abruptly. He had to leave. He barely had the awareness of mind to bring his suit back up as he started to walk through a dark portal. There was nothing from _them_ but silence as he left, and he was grateful for it.  
**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my original idea was to have Reader's POV and Vanitas' POV side by side on screen, happening simultaneously, but there was no way to make it work in formatting (and I TRIED) so...this will have to do I guess. Squashed formatting dreams. Anyway...hooh boy. That happened.


	30. I'll Find You

    You wanted to stop him, but knew it was for the best. So you watched in silence as he left. You hung your head, letting the sorrow wash over you freely. _All of that_ was out there now. You would have to deal with it. You had the feeling this was one of those times where you wouldn't be seeing him for several days. So you let yourself sit, huddled up, sad, knowing you would miss him.

 

    It was out there. You didn't know what or how to think about that, or the consequences, or if you were in the wrong here. For some reason, it felt like it, despite the fact that it was just naturally how things were. It was how it was, had to be, for this to exist at all. Logically, you knew you shouldn't feel _too_ guilty, but you did. You felt like you invaded his privacy, even though you didn't actively choose to.

 

    Mostly. If you got into the logistics of your choice to play the games in the first place... Well, you weren't here to debate the philosophy of existence and shit. Resigning yourself to the ick factor you were covered in, you gathered your clothes and dressed anyway. You looked in the distance to find Twilight Town, barely spotting it far, far away.

 

    You were grateful the tree cover was burned away, or you would have had no chance of seeing it. You wondered how you got here the first time. Then again, you had been purely running on adrenaline and a panicking worry for him, and you _did_ exhaust yourself to the point of no return. Still, looking at the distance now, it was quite a feat.

 

    And you had to walk that to get back. You groaned. You would just go in a straight line so you didn't get lost, keep going, and eventually you would get to...the cliffs. That you had no way of climbing. You plopped back down onto the ashen black ground. Fuck it, if that was the case, you would just stay here a little longer anyway.

 

    In the landscape that was _different_ from everything else here. Because of that, it was refreshing, and you found you actually _wanted_ to stay here a while. So you got back up and started a slow walk around the place, thinking of all the good times with Vani. About the things you _still_ wanted to do.

 

    Oh, that's right! You pulled out the snow globe you were going to give him. You almost forgot about it. You smiled at it in a sad sort of fondness, gave it a shake, watched fake snow fall on a beach. Imagining Vanitas smashing the shit out of it like you had intended brought you mixed and conflicting feelings. Satisfaction at knowing what he liked, happiness at the idea of him having a good time. Disappointment that both of those things were destruction.

 

    You thought you were okay with this. You knew it long ago, going in, all the time. But there _was_ just something about his intense tie to destroying things that made you sad. And you thought it was time you accepted that. It was a natural feeling to have in response to something like that, so you were going to be okay with it, and try to accept and work through what Vanitas was.

 

    Because you could. Because you cared. Because you...

 

    Loved.

 

    Oh, that's right. You still wanted a picture with him. That was a goal you had, something to look forward to. It may be many days down the road, but you thought it was there. Thinking back on that, you remembered the mansion.

 

    Hot diggity. That was it! _That's_ what you would focus your everything on to get through this. After you got back (somehow, surely if you walked the outskirts of the town long enough, there would be _somewhere_ you could get in somehow (you didn't look forward to potentially yelling up at people for help)), you would restore the mansion. Or at least, do what you could.

 

    Clean up, put a bed in there to sleep (that was a big goal now), just add some stuff, patch some stuff, you could make it work. You were inspired and reinvigorated. Hell, maybe you would plant some shit in the garden, fuck it. The idea of actually managing to make the place a sort of home warmed your heart. And it could be somewhere for Vanitas to stay too, if he wanted.

 

    You looked toward Twilight Town, setting your path. Determination spiraled around you as you thanked Super Burnt Land for its time and company, then started marching.

 

    ...

 

    Some time later, long after you had slowed to a relaxed walk, you came across a stream. You were pleasantly surprised. You didn't expect to find something like this, here, for some reason. Did you completely skip over this when you ran through here? You were in such a worry-adrenaline-haze that all you remembered was having to jump over and avoid certain things in your run.

 

    It made sense though, now that you thought about it. After all, where did the town get its water from? I mean, you just assumed magic, some kind of world magic more specifically, but yeah no, this made more sense. It was also the perfect spot to take a break. So you lied down and took a light snooze to the peaceful sound of the stream.

 

  **He perched upon a rock next to the rapids, the chaotic water flow helping to clear his mind. So they knew things. That much was clear now. He tried to process, constantly switching between creeped out, and an odd sense of almost relief. They had seen certain parts of his life, and still decided to be with him. In that way, it was almost reassuring.  
**

 

**Then there was the other way, where he felt scammed. Like they had picked him, gotten to know him, made him feel _special_ \- He scoffed harshly. Even thinking the word, he spat it out like an unholy curse. Yet it was the case wasn't it? They made him _feel_ , then it turns out they were lying to his face the whole time. He was pissed off.**

 

**Why bother making friends with him? Why bother putting up with him? Why bother sticking around? Why bother _sharing their heart?_**

 

**That's right. Because they already knew. How much did they actually care? Every part of his heart felt like they _did_ actually care, but how much of that was true? Some of it? All of it? _...None_ of it?**

 

**He rose sharply. _Something_ here needed to be thrashed. He let his unversed spawn and roam. It was the first time in a while where he felt like he actually needed the outlet.**

 

    Walking, walking, walking~

 

    ...

 

    Yep, stiiIIil walkiiiing~

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    And you're STILL WALK. IIING~

 

    Ohmygodthetown. You collapsed in front of it in relief. You never wanted to go so far on foot again. You wondered how everyone else did it. Then again, Sora didn't freeze to death in short sleeves in a snow storm, and could also take fireballs to the face, which _hurt_ (you would know), but didn't...ya know, _worse_ , like it would be in your world.

 

    Magic was truly a magical thing, and everything here was full of it, yourself included. If you tried to go that far in 'real' life...uh...you couldn't, to put it simply. At least, not without a _lot_ more breaks. Didn't mean you weren't still tired from the trek.

 

    And now, you still had more problems. You were literally facing an impassible wall of sorts. You groaned, reserved to more walking until you found a way up. So, onward you went, until _finally,_ joyous day, that's a low enough spot to just cry 'help' pathetically at. At this point, anything to avoid more walking down here.

 

    ...

 

    _Beauuutiful._ You scarfed down all the ice cream you wanted like it was nobodies business. After that _very_ awkward, _very_ unexplainable-here's-some-kind-of-excuses business, you booked it back to 'home town' as it were. Took a long break. Cleaned out the inn room, got your munny back for the remaining paid days, then used the munny to buy a small mattress. That you _very carefully_ took to the mansion.

 

    It wasn't easy to avoid getting it dirty on that kind of route, but the promise of sleep after such a long, hard day kept you going. You barely got it in the door and decided that would be a great place to sleep. _Now_. Thank God for the blankets and pillows you... _got_ from the inn. Okay, you admitted to a little theft, fine. You were too tired to contemplate what had become of your morality.

 

    You were too _done_ period today. That's probably why you were more lenient with yourself about taking them. You needed them, and that's all you were thinking about. It's not like you were ripping blankets from homeless people.

 

    With everything set up, you fell down, and slept a long, hard, sleep.

 

    ...

 

    You woke up groggy, feeling like you dreamed of Vanitas. You wouldn't be surprised if you did. You were sore and still a little out of it from everything that happened yesterday, but it wasn't _too_ bad, all things considered. And anyway...

 

    _You had a game plan._

 

   Your life became a montage. At least, you liked to think so. You bought an extra set of clothes so you could wash your current one, built up munny, started fixing up the mansion. Moved out rubbish and rubble, gained access to blocked off doors, got some bright lanterns in the darker areas. Discovered a bathroom with running water (that was a huge bonus, no more public showers or laundromats). You even got a proper bed set up.

 

    Namine's room had been rearranged, and was pretty much your bedroom now. Yes, the place was coming along very well. You felt accomplished. You spent your days like this. After several had passed, you found yourself stress eating your worry over Vanitas at the bistro again. You went back to the same roof he showed up at, made it a routine, like you had also done for Fuck Tree, hoping he would show up again.

 

    A week passed.

 

    He didn't.

 

    _Now_ you worried frantically. Oh God, had you actually scared him away? Did something happen? Nah, he could take care of himself, it was probably just that... He didn't want to see you. That was all it came down to.

 

    On day 8, you decided you would take action. Right your wrongs. _You_ would find _him._ And do whatever it took to make this right. _Fuck_ , you felt bad. You just wanted to see him, say you were really sorry for lying to him, and go on about your days together, like it had been. But you knew it wouldn't be that simple.

 

    You took out his snow globe. Held it while looking at the digital picture of his smile in your mind. You did that more times than you cared to admit nowadays. It kept you going. To find him, you just had to follow your heart. Right? That was how it worked in Kingdom Hearts? What else did you have to go on? How did you even do this?

 

    It didn't matter. You would find him, that was all that mattered. You packed up some useful things, because who knew how far or where you would have to go. Then, you stopped. Reached deep down inside for a good while, trying to connect. You had the feeling of returning out to the woods far from town. So you did, now keeping track of the best places to get far out and back the easiest.

 

    Your goal was once again the burned area. You felt like you both belonged there right now, and as weird a hunch-like feeling as it was, all you could do was hope it was right.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, writing the Vanitas POV fuckin' hurt, man. As inclined to negative emotion as he is, something like finding out about a SECOND lie of sorts from his first friend would result in a festering feeling of betrayal. I just want us/them to make up, man. :( Sadness.
> 
> So, next chapter...THE CONFRONTATION. ...Is that too much? Idk, I haven't written it yet :/
> 
> Thank you to new and old readers alike for all the support on this fic, it's incredible to me, and I'm a broken record BUT IT'S JUST SO AHHHH THANKS! <3


	31. Maelstrom (In Both of Us)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> Threats of violence  
> Brief physical abuse

    You arrived back at the Burned Place. You had decided on the way, that in the future, the very happy future where you and Vanitas were surely still friends, that you would name this place with him too. But for now, you felt _sick_ with worry over what was about to happen. At least, what _felt_ like was about to happen. You didn't see him here (yet, maybe, you hoped), but you were still shaking over the horrifying thought of losing him forever.

 

    You accepted that you were properly terrified, a shaky mess. You breathed as well as you could, walking slowly around, looking for any sign of him.

 

    "How did I just _know_ you would be here?"

 

    It was anything but a warm greeting, and you whirled around to face him. Huh? Why does he have his helmet again now? Something slithered up your back and into your ear. ' _You made him lose all that progress._ ' You wanted to shake it out of your head, but you felt frozen to the spot now. Something felt wrong, everything felt wrong as you looked at him.

 

    It felt like you didn't even know each other. Like he...

 

    ' _Didn't care about you anymore._ ** _Or never did._** '

 

    No, no, no...

 

    He stalked forward a few steps, closer, but still too far to reach.

 

    "What's the matter? Lost your _fake apology?_ " A pause. "Don't think I don't know why you're here."

 

    Everything hurt. Why did everything hurt? Make it stop...!

 

    "I really am sorry! I'm so sorry..." You choked out.

 

    Oh god, why were you crying already? What's wrong with you, what's happening? He walked forward again, closing the distance, his hand coming up, reaching for your throat, and everything froze in time for a split second as you thought he was breaking his promise. That scared you and hurt more than most things you had experienced here.

 

    His hand paused before making contact, moving down to grab the front of your shirt instead. You should have blinked away the tears that fell in a cascade when you thought he was going to hurt you, so you could see him better, but everything felt frozen.

 

    "What's stopping me from breaking my promise?"

 

    It was a threat, plain and simple, and that really _was_ where he was going with this, and he tended to carry out threats, and even imagining him betraying you like that hurt so much you couldn't take it-

 

    You broke down, grabbing the hand that was around your shirt, just for the sake of holding it, wanting to close the distance, unable to, needing his support, his comfort, needing those things to exist when they didn't. Needing everything to be fine again.

 

    But it wasn't. At all. The one you just wanted to feel safe hugging was the same one making you cry. And sob. And make awful sounds of misery as you fell to your knees. To your surprise, he let go, letting you fall. Breaking the contact. Breaking the connection.

 

    You were too busy wailing and trying to breath through your pain and terror to notice him take a step back. All was dead and silent in that place except for you. After you regressed to simple sobs, gasps of air, you heard him speak.

 

    "I didn't...mean to do that."

 

    It was very simple. Almost his 'I'm sorry.' You tried to hold on to it, believe it. But being so _close_ to such a possibility, standing right up next to it, _seeing_ it for real for the first time since... It just... You couldn't... It terrified you so much you couldn't think straight. A part of you wanted to yell at him, make him tell you he really _didn't_ mean it, but that got frozen out by the terror too.

 

    Because you didn't want to antagonize him. Because for the first time in a long time, you believed again that he _could_. Your heart felt shattered. You just felt so _hurt_ , and all you could do was cry. You remembered why you came here. You were prepared to have a big speech about how sorry you were, to recognize and accept your wrong doings, to extend the olive branch of peace. To hear his side, about how he felt, to work things out.

 

    Ha. Ha. Why did you even bother? You should have known better than to expect things to work out well by this point. Not with all of _this._ ...With _him._ You stayed sitting on the ground, staring at the dirt. You couldn't stand to do anything else, too afraid and broken to make the first move. A long silence passed. Neither of you knew what to say, or maybe too afraid to.

 

    What would happen? If you said 'I love you,' now? Just as a thought experiment, it was something you ran over in your head. You didn't feel very loving. You felt like you wanted to, but couldn't. Not right now. Not after a scare like that.

 

    Why...? Maybe if you asked why he did that. He 'didn't mean to'? What did that even mean? Really. What _did that mean?_  You opened your mouth to talk, but found it exceedingly difficult. Before you even started hashing things out with him, you needed something else much more important first. You wouldn't be caught off guard this time. If he even showed a hint of attacking you, you would be ready, and you would fight tooth and nail.

 

    "I...need to know..." You whispered, starting a very important question, forcing yourself to watch him from the side of your eye for your own safety. "Do you...are you going to..." You breath hitched, and you did your best not to cry again. "...hurt me?"

 

    His visibly flinched, though he was tensely still after.

 

    "...No."

 

    He almost sounded like he was forcing it out. He almost sounded like he was angry you even asked. He almost...

 

    _h         r_

_u          t_

 

_y       u_

_o_

 

    _No...!_ He _didn't_ hurt you. He _wouldn't_... he wouldn't...

 

    "Then why?"

 

    You got it out there. Simple. 'Why?' You couldn't see his face again, and it felt like square one. It took a moment for him to answer.

 

    "I told you I didn't mean to."

 

    "But you _did._ "

 

    You flinched at your own boldness, still not wanting to provoke him.

 

    " ** _I_**..." He breathed, reeling himself in somewhat. "I was just responding to what _you did_."

 

    _Oh. Hell. No._ He was actually trying to pin this on _you_. When in fact, these two things you were discussing were in no way even _close_ in levels of severity. Now you were pissed, and you tried to hold on to that anger as your courage.

 

    "Are you saying," your words were tight and stilted, "that me _kind of_ lying to you by omission, and you," sharp breath, " _literally hurting me_ ," more of a sob, " _killing_ me... That those are the same?" You had almost been speaking through your teeth, but by the last line, you were just a disbelieving sad.

 

    You couldn't see his face. Couldn't see... You scrubbed the tears away in frustration.

 

    "...No."

 

    "Great, you're really the master of one word answers today, aren't you?!"

 

    You couldn't help the hurt sarcasm. You wanted to...punch something. ...And cry. Cry and punch stuff. There was too much of a maelstrom inside of you.

 

    "I'm **trying**..."

 

    You didn't even let him get the chance to articulate whatever else he was going to say, standing rapidly, furious.

 

    "No, you're _not_ trying! You're not trying, you're never trying, you're not- you're never-" You locked eyes as best you could. "Because you wouldn't do that if you were. You would _never_ do that to someone you actually loved. It wouldn't even cross your thoughts. I'm so stupid. I'm delusional. I thought you actually cared." You broke off into a laughing hysteria.

 

    It went on for a while. You felt insane. Broken. Everything fragmented and torn apart. You didn't notice Vanitas throwing away his helmet again. You were too busy razing the path of a small circle, doing things with your hair, scalp, hands, anything to _feel-_ normal again.

 

    " **Hey, idiot.** "

 

    Oh, that got your attention. You stared at him like a feral animal. He took a breath, like he had to prepare himself for what he was going to say.

 

    " **I do care.** I just...lost control. You don't know what it's like to-" He broke off, looking to the side. He looked back, tactics changed. "I'm still trying to...get control of myself. That doesn't mean I... _don't like you_."

 

    He had been forcing himself the whole time, but on those words especially, he had to really force them out. But he did. You continued to stare at him, your fragmented mind barely starting to process.

 

    "All that time, I thought you... I felt... betrayed. I was sick of you lying to me, keeping secrets. I thought you were using me, that you didn't care. It felt much more on the mark for me. So I believed it."

 

    He stopped for a moment to look you over. How the hell did you look? You felt like you looked like a ragged lab rat, still coming back to yourself after your episode. Focusing on his talking, more importantly, _what_ he was saying, was soothing you ever so slightly.

 

    "Looking at you now," he huffed out a laugh at you, "I don't know why I ever doubted. You **clearly** -"

 

    Enraged, you flung yourself across the gap between you and punched him square in the face with everything you had. He stumbled back, more out of shock than anything else. Now with that out of your system, you immediately realized what you'd done. You felt _horrible._

 

 _What was wrong with you, that was not okay in any circumstance, what the fuck did you do, why, that was not okay, what is wrong with you?_

 

    "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't- I didn't mean to- I don't know why I-" Honest words tumbled from your mouth, and suddenly you understood. 'I didn't mean to.' It wasn't an excuse. Not in any way. What you did was inexcusable. But you really did _not mean it_. Everything fell into place. _He_ didn't mean it. And it was true. But lines had still been crossed that could never be uncrossed.

 

    You had sworn never to lift a finger against him unless it was in self defense. _Especially_ because of his past. Now here you were. No better than _Xehanort._ You wanted to vomit, instead vomiting out words that needed to be said, but didn't make anything better, didn't change what you'd done.

 

    "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, that's not okay, that's not okay, I should _never_ have done that, I don't know what's wrong with me, that's _not okay-_ "

 

    He started laughing. A _gleeful_ laugh, full of himself.

 

    " _You felt it_ ," he said through his laughter. Then his laughter stopped, and " ** _You felt it,_** " ripped out of his throat like a chainsaw.

 

    You stared, still horrified at yourself, trying to figure out what he was saying. He continued.

 

   "What you just felt? What you just _did_ _?_ That's what I have. _All the time_. And you only have a _tiny piece of it_ ," he spat the last words out at you.

 

    Oh.

 

    You understood.

 

    You looked at him in an almost shocked disbelieving way, the opposite of what you were going through internally. You understood everything and had important revelations. You could sum up both of you and all of this in one word.

 

    Dysfunctional. You were both dysfunctional. This all was, looking back at it from an outside view. And yet, here you were and had always been trying to make it work. You giggled, feeling freed at the realization, insanity creeping back in. You slapped your hand over your mouth, ceasing that terrible noise. You didn't want to lose it again. This was all bad enough as it was.

 

    "I can't fucking take this," you admitted honestly. You looked back at him. "How do you...?"

 

    He looked rather calm now, all things considered.

 

    "I don't. Or at least, it used to be much worse." He paused, looking at you in consideration. "This is even _after_..." He trailed off. "I knew it could go wrong. And here we are."

 

    Well, that was...accurate, sadly.

 

    "What the fuck do we...how do we deal with this? Also, I don't feel like it's okay to let myself be around you, having _literally_ punched you and all-... Oh."

 

    More understanding. Everything he felt. ... _Fuck._

 

    "That was nothing. ...Really. You're incredibly weak."

 

    "That doesn't make it okay, though."

 

    "I've done far worse to you. I'd say we're even, but we're not."

 

    "But that...that's a terrible way of thinking. We should _both_ feel safe around each other, regardless of levels. ...Of safety. Levels of safety. You know what I'm saying, right?"

 

    "I know you want everything to be your ideal little fantasy."

 

    You flinched. Ouch. Where did that come from? Wait, you actually kind of knew now. He sighscoffed in exasperation, at you, at himself, at both of you, you didn't know.

 

    "Yes, I know what you mean."

 

    "Great! ...How do we make it happen?"

 

    You were eager, all in on a new game plan. You wanted to stop hating yourself for what you did, but the honest truth was, you knew you _should_ hate yourself for it. If you didn't, you really _were_ no better than the lowest of lows.

 

    Eyebrows were raised at you in an almost mocking inquisition. Maybe he didn't know how to fully _not_ come off as mocking. Actually, yeah, he probably didn't. Or wait, no, he probably did. Ahhh, fuck, whatever.

 

    "You're the one always chomping at the bit about _peace_ and _love_. You don't already have something?"

 

    You did, actually. It was pretty straightforward.

 

    "Well, actually..." He gave you a deadpan 'I knew it' look. "Really, the _only_ way for this to work, is for us both just to do our best. ...And have like, open communication and shit. You know. Actually talk to each other honestly, try our best to listen and understand, basic...relationshippy stuff. ...YA KNOW?"

 

    Did he? On that level, it was true that both of you really had to try. Fuck, you needed improvement as a human being. All there was, was to _try._ For both your sakes. For _each other_. And you were more than willing. At least, as long as he was. You honestly didn't think you could handle a repeat of today. You couldn't handle _today,_ period.

 

    "You want me to be sappy. Is that it?"

 

    "Uh...I mean...that's _one_ way of putting it? ...I guess? It's really not that bad, I mean, you don't have to be _sappy_ per se, just-"

 

    "Fine." You were surprised by the easy agreement. "What else?"

 

    "UuUuh? Um...I mean, that's the main thing. Try not to be dicks to each other, work on self control, it really all just comes down to _trying_ , I guess. ...Honestly, I'm terrified of either of us failing in that regard. I just can't handle another 'today,' know what I mean?"

 

    "...I think I do."

 

   "...Awesome! Look, right there, communication! We're so doing this!"

 

    You fist pumped in tiny victory, letting yourself pretend things were greater than they really were, because, fuck, _today._ Oh, wait, on the note of communication...

 

    "Oh, um, I'm just gonna get this out there, because, ya know, communication, but uh... So I basically told you what I know about you, but uh, remember when I said I have a lot of general knowledge?" You looked at him nervously. "I mean...a _lot_. It's limited to and at certain points, but, um... Juuuust wanted to be up front with that, I've learned my lesson."

 

    Oh no. That was the look of someone hungry for knowledge. Purely in the 'tell me all the secrets so I can laugh behind everyone's backs' kind of way.

 

    "If I asked, would you even tell me?"

 

    ...Whut? That was different from his usual version of 'bitch, spill.' ...It was nice.

 

    "I'll be honest-...uh, kind of a weird phrase, now that I'm thinking about it, but uh, I'm not sure that's the best idea, but I'm also not sure how it would hurt anything, so...maybe? I mean, what would you want to know?"

 

    He looked off to the side for a moment, thinking.

 

    "What happened? After I..."

 

    You put the pieces together quickly. Ah. That was actually a very understandable question. It couldn't hurt to answer that one. So you gave him a summary of what you knew, ending on how everyone was safe now, except Kairi, and Sora, who went off after her to an unknown fate. He scoff laughed.

 

    "Of course he would."

 

    Ah. Not too sympathetic, but that was fitting for him.

 

    "Yup. ...Hey, uh, do you mind if I ask you something?"

 

    You needed to talk through it more, get more peace of mind. Understand _more_. If even only to make yourself feel better, safer.

 

    "Shoot."

 

    Of course he was a 'shoot' kind of guy. Any way to add violence to the equation. So you 'shot' out your question.

 

    "What...was going through your head when you...you know, scared the shit out of me earlier."

 

    You could tell he tensed, even if he was probably trying to look unaffected.

 

    "That was _exactly_ what I wanted. I wanted to make you feel what I felt. I wanted some kind of payback for what I thought you did to me. I thought you didn't care... I was too angry at you to think about _how_ I did it. I never intended to actually...act on it."

 

    A figurative giant nervous jellyfish slinked off of your back and into the darkness. You felt _so relieved_. Just _knowing_ he was never actually going to-... It made you feel immensely better. Still, what he did was inexcusable (much like your own actions), and it pissed you off. God, you were both so messed up.

 

    "Just to be clear... You realize how _fucking terrible_ that was, right? Because I'm _still_ dealing with the emotional fallout over here. I thought you..."

 

    Hold it together. You ended off there, turning around, half crossing your arms, half hugging yourself. You just needed a moment in your own space, figuratively away from him. Several seconds later, he responded.

 

    "I **know**. I'm..."

 

    He trailed off, and you turned around a little to look at him. He was very...clenched. Like he was bracing against something he didn't want. Or maybe he just felt _that_ pissed off. He turn his head back to you from where he'd been glaring a hole into the nearby remains of a tree.

 

    " _ **Sorry**_."

 

    He spat it out of his mouth at you like it was poison. But you hardly noticed that. You heard the word and the underlying meaning. He actually said 'I'm sorry.' And it managed to make you feel better, how much effort he was putting in, how much he was sucking it up, _f_ _or your sake_. It went a long way to mending things. You also owed him an apology.

 

    "I'm also sorry. I'm really sorry I punched you in the face."

 

    You winced at saying it out loud, hearing how terrible your action was.

 

    "You said. Shut up about it."

 

    Okay, geez. Maybe you hurt his feelings more than you thought. It was like he hated even hearing it mentioned. It was like... Oh my God. Was he upset over it because you managed to get a hit in on him? _Was that it?_ The more you thought, the more likely it seemed.

 

    This was ridiculous, you had to get to the bottom of this to make it right. If he was upset over you _hitting him_ (which was far more understandable), you needed to offer to work through it. Maybe it would help him like it did you.

 

    "I...really am sorry though. I just... I thought maybe it would help if we discussed it. I can't imagine me hitting you to _not_ be upsetting. Understandably."

 

    He looked at you like you said it was understandable to be upset over something completely benign. Like being upset over someone complementing your clothes instead of specifically complementing the pattern of your clothes. The fact that he seemed like it was totally normal for people to hit him made you feel really sad, really fast.

 

    "You... _know_ it's not okay to be hit by someone, right? Or to hit someone yourself. Or hitting, just, in general, bad. ...Sorry, I'm talking to you like you're stupid, of _course_ you know that. ...Right?"

 

    He looked semi-insulted, but he stopped to actually think it over.

 

    "Of _course_. Stop putting me on your level, idiot."

 

    You hated that it only sounded 91% sure.

 

    "Okay, right, sorry. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

 

    "Hmph. You made me tell you how I felt, so it's time you spilled yours."

 

    Okay, fair. And he actually wanted to talk things over. That was...good, right? You tried to figure out what caused you to do such a thing in the first place.

 

    "I...wasn't really thinking at all. I think all of my... _everything_ toward you, all the pent up feelings over how-...you _treated_ me at certain points... It kind of just came out then. I snapped, I guess."

 

    "...I'm surprised you didn't do that sooner," he admitted quietly.

 

    "... _Really?_ You're surprised I didn't _punch you in the face_ , **_sooner?_** "

 

    Truly thinking back to everything you had to put up with, you realized that he was at least self aware that he could be a dick. He looked at you like _you_ were the odd one for having not considered it. Even though the truth was, _you had_. _Several times_. You just still wished you had never acted on it.

 

    "It really never occurred to you?"

 

    Oooh, he asked. Well, here you went, boldly forward into honesty hour more. You swallowed.

 

    "...I did. Consider it. Most of the times you were being a particular jerk."

 

    Well, there it was. He looked at you in a way you weren't expecting at all as a response to that. You would almost call it...appreciating?

 

    "Good. At least you're not totally brain dead."

 

    You squinted at him in a very befuzzlefumped kind of way. It was an insult...and a compliment... You would...take it? You didn't know how to react.

 

    "...I take it back. You are brain dead."

 

    AAAAAAND, there it was! You sighed in exasperation and fell over into the ashy ground. Whatever. You could actually wash your clothes nowooo _oooh!_ You shot back up into a sitting position.

 

    "Dude!" You exclaimed, excited to share your news- OH HEY THE SNOWGLOBE! You were remembering everything! Where did you start?! "AHH," you jumped up into fully standing with an ecstatic cry.

 

    Vanitas inched away from you ever so slightly, giving you a look. You beamed back at him.

 

    "I fixed the mansion! Oh, and here!"

 

    You shoved the snow globe into his chest. His hands came up to catch it automatically.

 

    "Do whatever you want with it! Oh, dude, I gotta show you the mansion! Open one of those portal thingies!"

 

    You hopped up and down, unable to contain yourself, so elated to have things back to normal, terribly excited to show him what you'd done. He looked down at the snow globe, like he was trying to figure out what it was.

 

    "I'll explain that later, right now, we gotta go go go!" You grabbed one his hands from the globe, jumping up and down with it. "Mansion!"

 

    You were _so fucking excited_. Come on, dude, why was he just staring at you? ...Oh. That's right. He liked to watch your antics. Or be incredibly amused by your idiocy, as he would probably put it.

 

    "Come ooooon," you urged.

 

    "Why should I?"

 

    Oh, look at him, with his usual teasery. You wanted everything to be perfect, everything to be back in it's place in your heart. So you had a bold moment. You slipped right into his space and gave him a peck on the lips.

 

    "Because I love you?"

 

    You were being overbearingly cutesy, but it was what just happened to flow out of your heart at the moment. He went through several phases. Disbelief, profoundly confused disbelief, regular glare, _heated_ glare, and finally, a sort of reserved heated glare. You watched them all in delight, just happy to feel safe in his space again.

 

    "...That's not fair," he complained in a low voice.

 

    "...Sorry? ...But can we go to the mansion now, pretty pluhweez?"

 

    You _really_ wanted to go to the mansion. To show him. It was almost like a different place, cleaned and brightened up as it was. He looked right grumpled. He sighed out an ' _ugh.'_

 

    "Fine. Just this once."

 

    You had the distinct feeling it would _not_ be 'just this once.' He 'pocketed' the snow globe after one last look at it. Opened a dark portal, and for the first time, you both walked in together, no need for him to hold on to you.

 

    You were equal.

 

    There was trust.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurt. :'( So much hurt.
> 
> But then it gets better, thank God goodness.
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoyed the extra long chapter goodness, have a FANTASTIC day, and peace out. I'm emotionally drained.


	32. Guided Tour (Feat. Happiness)

    You burst out of the portal in an excited flurry, for once in your life, on par with Vani instead of behind him. You were in the main foyer. _Perfect_. You took a few large steps out into the center and turned toward him, spreading your arms out in grand gesture.

 

    "Welcome home!" You exclaimed with a wide grin.

 

    Because this was his home, if he wanted it to be. He looked a little confused at your choice of terminology, but for the most part, he looked around passively. He looked back at you after a brief scan of the area.

 

    "And?"

 

    You didn't expect him to be impressed or anything, you were quite frankly grateful he wasn't straight out insulting it (at least yet), but you would have appreciated _something_ a little more. You were damn proud of the result of all your hard work.

 

    "Doesn't it look... _different?_ " You encouraged.

 

    He briefly looked at certain areas again.

 

    "...And?"

 

    Okay, he was just fucking with you. With that knowledge in mind, still filled with grand encouragement and jubilation at getting to show him everything, you walked up and grabbed his hand.

 

    "Come on, come on, come on!"

 

    You tugged, trying to drag him around to the new rooms you wanted to show him. He didn't budge. You frowned deeply at him, as he remained rooted to the spot, giving you a look that could be nothing else but a challenge. You sighed and let go. Why did everything have to be so difficult with him? Then you realized.

 

    This was his version of playing. This was his version of running around with friends. He was _playing_ with you. And not in the villain cat and mouse type for once. In a _friendly_ way. Well, his version of it. All of your emotional gears started shifting back to happy excitement, away from the starting disappointment.

 

    You knew _exactly_ what you were going to do. You gave him a passive 'I accept your challenge' look. Not anything overly exuberant, you wanted how fucking much you were about to put into this to be a surprise. You slowly walked to behind him, to see if he would even let you. He did, which was spectacular. He didn't even watch you, staring straight ahead, seeming to not find you as a threat at all.

 

    You let a sly evil grin slowly spread across your face. This was it. He had it coming. With a battle cry, you leapt up onto his back, latching on like he was giving you a piggy back ride. An _unsuspecting_ piggy back ride. Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker.

 

    He quickly adjusted to your weight, still just standing there as you hung on to him. He turned his head to look at you, unimpressed.

 

    "And _now_ what do you intend to do?" He challenged, like this was the only move you knew, completely unable to do anything else to him.

 

    He wasn't entirely wrong, for your plan was simple.

 

    "I'm going to stay right here," you announced proudly.

 

    He raised an eyebrow.

 

    "Oh, _reeaally?_ You'll get tired. You think you can stay on long?"

 

    Well, yes, you would get tired, but you weren't about to let him know that. Then your brain processed the look he was giving you, the smirk, the 'devil gon' run wild and there's nothing you can do to stop it.' Oh no. OH GOD NO- Your head swirled rapidly with images of him as a bucking bronco, and you, the poor, _poor_ rider.

 

    He waited long enough for realization to fully dawn on you, drinking in your look of horror. You had just started to tell him to wait, but it was too late. The newly cleaned up mansion became his stomping grounds as he shot off, jumping on and off of things at every angle he could manage, using magic to make rails he slid on for rapid movement.

 

    You were a screaming, shouting mess, nerves frazzled as you held on for dear life, clutching him in a vice grip, trying not to get tossed in God knew what direction. Finally, when you knew you would start slipping soon, you waited for even the slightest lessening of movement when he was close to the ground, taking what you thought would be your only chance.

 

    You flung your limbs out and away from him, immediately disconnected, falling like a sack of potatoes. You landed roughly, but you had achieved to make it to sweet, glorious, _safe_ ground. _Still_ ground.

 

    "Oooowwwwcha!"

 

    You let out two short complaining moans of ouch. The asshole himself was standing over you already, looking very full of himself and achieved in his victory.

 

    "Told you."

 

    Smug, sonofa- You glared at him through your fading ouchies and fizzled nerves.

 

    "Don't worry, I'll make up to you later."

 

    He casually waved it off, walking away. Huh? Wait, what? What the _fuck_ did that mean? He didn't say shit like that. That wasn't- he wasn't- It was a threat, it had to be. He managed to make it _sound_ like one. You were already starting to panic again over what the fuck he meant. You sat up, about to ask, but he beat you to it.

 

    "Didn't you want to show off your little _place?_ "

 

    He stood half turned toward you, stopped on the way to Namine's room. Wait... You looked around. Oh, god, you were on the second floor. That made the thought of your potential fall even scarier. Thank GOD you landed on ground, instead of air, _then_ ground, fuck. You looked at him in a little disbelief.

 

    "Yes, but, what would you have done if I fell at a bad time? Were you seriously going to let me go 'splat'?"

 

    He scoffed.

 

    "Please, I wouldn't let you fall."

 

    It was said very smugly, but it was also said very straightforward and honest. You were caught off guard. He didn't look like he had said anything spectacular, watching you in a sort of 'come on already' fashion, but you were reeling.

 

    ' _I wouldn't let you fall._ '

 

    The admission of something like that from him to you, so honest, so _protective_ , said like it was nothing... Your heart was filled with an overflowing warmth. You got up, raced over, and hugged him. One of those big snuggly hugs.

 

    "What are you doing?" He asked, flat, deadpan.

 

    You gave him one last squeeze and snugsnug before pulling back. You were just really happy, and it showed on your face.

 

    "Nooothiing~" You responded like the happy little ball of fluff you currently felt like.

 

    You saw the beginnings of a suspicious look tossed your way as you span on your heel, facing Namine's room, trotting forward.

 

    "So I repurposed this room a bit," you began as you walked, officially in tour guide mode. "The table and chairs are like a _really big_ desk on the side of the room now, and the bed is on the other side- OH, THERE'S A BED!" You had stopped in front of the door, now turning to him. He had followed you, now standing close by. "I actually managed to get a full bed out here, and I kind of live here now!" You proclaimed happily.

 

    You opened the door and went inside, pointing to the bed with enthusiasm.

 

    "Look, look, look! I even have the blankets from the inn, so it's like a home in a home! _Double home..._ " You whispered the last bit conspiratorially as you just realized it.

 

    He followed you in at a lazy pace, giving the bed and the rest of the space a passing glance. He looked at you afterward in silence, probably expecting you to do something more. ...WELL, YOU WERE. You skipped out of the room, determined to show him the rest of the place.

 

    You were surprised at how well the rest of the 'tour' went. You trotted to all the different areas to show him the different and improved things, and he would follow along at almost a snails pace, practically dragging his feet, but begrudgingly, he would get there eventually. You know, with you running back and forth between him and the different things you wanted to show him, constantly encouraging him to hurry up.

 

    You were just like a puppy, like he once said you were. Granted, in this instance, you were a very _excited_ puppy. He was humoring you, and you knew it, surprised he even bothered. Finally, when all was said and done, you arrived back out to the main foyer. You were 'excited' to hear his final thoughts. You _were_ excited, but you were also ' _excited_ ,' because you already braced yourself for potential burning insults.

 

    You were used to them, it was his normal way of speaking, and you even looked forward to and admired them sometimes, because it was just so _him._ But there was something about them being aimed at something you were legitimately proud of, that you worked so hard on, that was different. That could potentially actually hurt, even if you knew not to take it seriously.

 

    "So, what do you think?!" You slammed out there, ready to _be_ slammed.

 

    At least, as ready as you could be. He gave a noncommittal half shrug, not really seeming to care.

 

    "It was better when it was darker."

 

    It wasn't an insult, just his honest opinion. Well, it _was_ technically insulting, but it made sense, what he said. Of course he would prefer it darker. You'd brightened up the place so much. You immediately thought up a solution.

 

    "You know the room I showed you that has those broken table pieces I shoved in a corner? That room is _perfect_ for you. Turn off the lights, and it's immediately dark and gloomy in there. I would know, I tested it."

 

    You really had, thinking of him at the time. He looked at you like you said something semi-smart that he was actually considering, but was trying to remain neutral on the outside, so you wouldn't notice. Ha. Got'em. Already noticed. _Victory_.

 

    He opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut, looking away, thinking. At least, he looked like he was thinking. You would be concerned if that thousand yard stare was anything but. You tilted your head, waiting. Now that you _really_ thought about it...

 

    "Hey, that room could officially be yours, you know. We can even slam a bed in there if you want," you offered semi-quietly, almost gently, not wanting to spook him with the idea or seem like you were trying to force it on him.

 

    His eyelids slid down a smidge as he gave you a condescending side stare. You braced. Waited. Let him think it out.

 

    "I'd have to break it in."

 

    It was neutral, almost flat, but with the words themselves being threatening-like, paired up with the carefully neutral tone... You got this strange little red warning light that traveled up your spine to whisper to your brain, 'Hey, uh...' You wondered what he meant by 'break it in,' and were 99.9% sure it involved literal breaking.

 

    "Uh..." Was he testing you or something? "I mean, as long as you don't blow out a whole wall or anything I guess...make it as homey to you as you like."

 

    You offered it honestly, because it was true. You wanted him to feel as at home as possible, and if that involved the room being a little more destroyed, hey, whatever made him feel comfy. You realized he had never technically had a real home, and tried to move on from the thought as quickly as possible. It made you really sad.

 

    Slowly, ever so slowly, _evilly_ _and consciously_ slowly, the manic grin of someone who had won tore across his features. Your own face morphed into concerned confusion. You had the distinct feeling that the wool had been pulled over your eyes, even though you still had no idea what toward. You'd been tricked. Had.

 

    He took so deceivingly casual that they were distinctly threatening steps toward you, once again, evilly and consciously slowly.

 

    "You would _help_ me, wouldn't you? You wanted me to feel at _home?_ "

 

    Everything was grandiose and exaggerated, from his speech to his gestures. You started stepping back instinctively, the little red warning light now a big light that was blaring.

 

    "Uh," FUCK. "You- I-"

 

    " ** _Right?_** "

 

    You distinctly saw two options before you. 'Yes' and 'No'. Huh. This was one hell of a moment. If you said yes, that came with fuck knew what consequence, even though you _wanted_ to say yes to him, just in general, and also as a response to the specific inquiry. If you said no, that also came with- actually, that just came with probably making him more sad than the 'yes' option, and _then_ whatever consequence fallout came with that.

 

    You just wanted to make him happy.

 

    "Y-...yeEeEes?"

 

    Oh no, what have you potentially done and agreed to? You watched him, curled into yourself in a bit of a fear-worry ball. At your answer, he stopped, looking suddenly far too calm in contrast. He gave you a simple sort of smug 'I win' smile. You felt something brush up against the back of your legs. But he was still over there, and-

 

    You jumped up and forward a good two feet, shrieking.

 

    "WATAHFUK-"

 

    You span to see what indeed ahfuk, because what the fuck- You were looking at a Flood. Who quickly skimpered off back into being- You were grabbed from behind, locked in a tight hold. You'd been tricked. Had.

 

    " ** _Got you._** "

 

    Adrenaline spiked through your system at the low voice in your ear. Everything felt like it went topsy-turvy from the sudden rush. But you were stock still. Held on to, kept in that state. Your breathing picked up, trying to catch up with the spiral of rapid sensation.

 

    "Now... You going to keep your word?" He spoke lazily, yet still intimidatingly into the side of your neck.

 

    You gulped. Why the fuck were your nethers already on fire and your legs shaky? What the fuck was that involuntary little squeak noise you just made? It sounded downright _submissive_. _Why and how the fuck could he do this to you so fast?_ You felt him smile into your neck.

 

    "I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

 

    He let you go abruptly. Suddenly left to stand on your own, you stumbled. You didn't realize how much you had been using him for support. You whirled on the spot as soon as you recovered, to give him a _grand_ look of 'WUHAT?' He gestured toward the room mildly.

 

    "Go on then," he challenged. "I want to see you walk into your fate _willingly._ "

 

    ssssssssSSSSSS _TTTTTT **OOOOOO PPPPPPPP**_ You were going to implode. But not before you caught on fire first. You just continued to give him the red faced version of 'WUHAT?' in disbelief at your situation. You were a frozen bundle of nerves. Bundle of nerves. That he could be strokingggggggggg- You errored out.

 

    He just watched as you melted in on yourself. He seemed very pleased. You tried to speak. Maybe to tell him off. You didn't even really know.

 

    "Fuh, fuh, huhf, eif, d-d- yOu!"

 

    Nailed him. Take that. Really an even and equal playing field here. Stopping to think on it, you were making assumptions about your 'fate.' Maybe he wasn't even...ya know... _cough._ He lazily gestured toward the door again, 'go on, coward' written on his face. Now just a damn minute, you needed clarification.

 

    "Huhbuh, you, what even?!" ...Was that clear enough? You tried again. "What...specify this 'fate' you speak of." A beat. "Please." Politeness never hurt.

 

    "No. Besides, you already know, don't you?"

 

    ...Oof. He had you. Well, fuck it. You crossed your arms and took a wide stance, jaunty, rebellious march to the door, keeping him as the target of a squinty eyed suspicious gaze the whole time. You opened the door while still facing him, giving him the suspicious stink eye the whole time as you slipped inside and closed the door. Eye contact was kept right up until it was completely closed.

 

    Now here you stood. You looked to the lamps, thinking you should turn them off, giving him the darkness he wanted. When you were finished, you stared at where you knew the table remains were, waiting for your eyes to adjust. It was quiet. _Too_ quiet. Why were you even in here again- You heard a shuffling sound too pronounced to _not_ be on purpose.

 

    You quickly turned to the spot, but couldn't make out anything. Even though you _certainly_ felt a presence in the room with you now. Oh no. He had switched into his _other_ playing mode. Hello cat, I'm mouse. Please be gentle.

 

    You were nervous, searching around for any tiny sign of anything out of place. Your heart rate picked up, knowing he was in the room with you even though you couldn't find or see him. The tension was too high. You had the urge to speak, just to hear your own voice for reassurance.

 

    "C-come out, you fiend, you! I know you're there."

 

    Great, way to sound off your cliche final words. What the fuck were you, Little Red Riding Hood, and he, the Big Bad- okay, you had to stop with these analogies. Something brushed against your shoulder, and you spun with a shout, your body instinctively shoving in that direction to ward off whatever it was. But there was nothing.

 

    You heard him laugh at you from what was now behind you, and you spun again. Still nothing.

 

    "S-s-stop, fucking with me, you- you-!"

 

    "But you **want** that. _**Admit it**._"

 

    Damn it, where was his voice coming from? Damn dark magic powers and shit... You continued to spin fruitlessly, not finding anything. This was getting you nowhere. You stopped. ...Wait, that's it! You flopped yourself down, now in a horizontal position, lying on the floor. Ha ha!

 

    "Ha ha! I don't know how this is me winning, but this is me winning!"

 

    _Got'em_. It was much harder to fuck with someone to get them to jump and spin around if said person wasn't even in a position to be able to do that. _You Win._...Kinda. Yellow eyes bored into your soul, only a few inches from your face.

 

    "Are you sure about that? Because from where I am, it's clear that I've won."

 

    You blinked. Then shouted and shoved him in a delayed reflex.

 

    "What the- how the fuck?!"

 

    "Like I'd tell you."

 

    "...Fine. It's a tie."

 

    "Not in the slightest."

 

    "Great, I'm glad you acknowledge my victory."

 

    scoff **HA** "You must be blind. I won by miles."

 

    You stopped to think about what you were both talking about. Winning. Which means this _was_ a game. And he was playing with you. Theory confirmed. You watched his beautiful face in a general sort of admiration, at least, as well as you could in the dark room. Vanitas' room. You liked to think of it that way already. You didn't contest his win any more, letting him have this one. But, uh... You cleared your throat awkwardly.

 

    "You can get off now. You've made your point of winning. Congratulations, I guess?"

 

    Even in the dark, you could make out a look that signaled danger. A very specific type of danger. ASS. FRICK. BUTTOCK. You had just started to calm down, too. ...Although, all things honest, you didn't mind. Not one fuckin' bit. ......Fuckin'.

 

    "Oh, you're not going anywhere. You said you would help me 'break it in.'"

 

    You were suddenly very concerned about that terminology all over again.

 

    "Ah. Uh. Yes? But-"

 

    "Don't play coy. You know exactly why we're in here."

 

    ... o shit. ...But then again, was he baiting you? Tricking you? Fucking with you? Not like that, come on, brain, focus. Well... It _might_ be like that. Uhhhnnnngggg-

 

    "LISTEN. If-... I-... Could you be more clear please, because I honestly am trying to figure out where you're going with this and..." You gestured your hands around in an 'I can't grasp this' way.

 

    "Of course you need it spelled out." Eye-roll. " _I_ ," he pointed to himself, "am going to fuck _you_ ," he brought the tip of his pointer finger down none too gently on your forehead, "in every part of this room. To break it in. Just like I said. ...You keeping up?"

 

    Mockery and condescension aside, yes, you were very much keeping up. A simple 'oh' of acknowledgement was all you could manage. Huh. The .1% chance that him breaking in a room was him fucking you in it instead of actually breaking it had come to pass. You gulped, trying to maintain your body's reaction to an appropriate level. You failed miserably. You were practically already in full fuck mode.

 

    " _ **Let's stop wasting time then.**_ "

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, back to joyous romps. Thank goodness, it's so refreshing. *looks at next chapter* Oh my. There's a whole other kind of romp happening over there. Huehuehue *cough* *side glance at next chapter as I leave*


	33. You Asked for It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT. 
> 
> Trigger warning:  
> Sex oopsy. I really don't know how else to describe it, sorry.

    _Hoh boy_ , he wasted no time, immediately getting you and himself undressed. You had the thought fly through your head about the floor being an uncomfortable place to do this (oh god, rug burn), much like the first time you both had... Ahhh, memories. But you had no time to voice your concerns, your voice box too busy voicing other things as he latched on to your nipple.

 

    _Fuck_ , he really went right into it- he grabbed your wrists to pin you down, switching to the other nipple- dIdN't He? You let yourself whine and squirm, completely into the feelings he was giving you, loving the contact, loving _him_. You felt free when you were with him.

 

    He licked a trail down your stomach, stopping along the way to suck a few times. He avoided going any further, though, stopping to rise back up to stare you down intensely.

 

    "I was too impatient last time... You seem to have that effect on me. But now..." He smile was... No, it wasn't even close to sweet. All it did was promise certain things. "I can do _exactly_ what you asked me."

 

    You tried desperately to remember- oh. It wasn't hard, actually. Well, it _was_ , but- what were you thinking again? You struggled against a love-lust haze. Why bother thinking of anything else that wasn't his cock? Or _him._ Or-

 

    You _clearly_ remembered as he spread your legs, opening you up for him. Oh. Oh, fuck. That's right, you had asked for- He gave you a slow, solid stroke. You arched into it, your moan begging for more. And he gave it to you.

 

    He started slipping a finger inside slowly, giving you another solid stroke. Your hips bucked, trying to get _more_ from him. You just wanted- fuck- you just wanted him so _bad_ \- He started fucking you steadily, but still slowly, his other hand working over you in a similar fashion. You panted, hot with need, grinding against him. Your noises were appreciative, but you still needed more.

 

    A second finger was added. He stopped stroking. Pumped into you twice. Then stopped holding back. His fingers started stirring you up inside rapidly, spreading, curling, trying to reach anywhere he could get to. A faster pace was brought down upon your ____, and a single one of those things would have undone you, but now he was doing _both- fuck- so much-_

 

    You were lost in the sensation of him, of what he was _doing to you_ , unrepentant, dirty things. Your own cries reached your ears through the filter of everything else that was happening to you. It felt so _good_ , and you weren't sorry it felt so good, fully on the train of 'Fuck Me, Vanitas' until the end of your days.

 

    But then it stopped. You didn't even have time to process the grief of that before he was talking to you.

 

    "Do something for me." He wasn't asking. "Stay as quiet as you can."

 

    Whuh? Did you hear him right? That didn't seem like- But then he was moving the fingers inside of you again, and you squeaked through a clamped shut mouth after remembering what he said. He had removed the hand on your ____ entirely, focusing purely on the inside of you. What on earth was he-

 

    You struggled to remain silent, high pitched noises still emitting from your throat fairly often as he went as deep as he could, fucking up against different areas of your insides

 

    _oh_

 

    You yelled fully, mouth open wide, arched back, hips jerking violently. You gasped for air, still spasming, trying to figure out what the fuck-

 

    " ** _There_ it is...**"

 

    Horrific realization dawned upon you.

 

    "Told you I would find it, didn't I?" He purred at you. "Remember what I said I would do **after** **?** "

 

    You felt like you were having a heart attack. You remembered _explicitly._ ' _No mercy._ ' The noise that choked out of you was practically a sob.

 

    " **Let me show you.** "

 

    And he did. He started ramming into and rubbing roughly against that spot, his other hand stroking you again, not holding back either. You screamed at the 'too much' of it, not able to tell if it felt good, because there was just _too much-_ You grabbed his wrists.

 

    " _Stop!_ "

 

    He did. You tried to breath, eyes clenched shut, entire body tense, not in the fun way. When you managed to open your eyes, which were weirdly wet, you saw something you hardly ever saw.

 

    Concerned Vanitas. His eyes were searching over your face in an almost panicked way, like you might be dead and he was desperately trying to find signs of life. Seeing he meant you no harm, you relaxed as much as you could. You wiped your face, hoping to God- Nope, you cried. Well, wasn't this a shit show. You went to reassure him.

 

    "Look, I'm fine. Just- Now we know I'm not into that. Simple. Everything's fine. See?"

 

    "You're crying," he pointed out ever so helpfully.

 

    You winced. Ffffuck.

 

    "...Yeah, it's just- that was- it was just too much, that's all. I'm not saying I'm not potentially into a _less_ intense version of that, I just-" You stopped to breath for a moment. "Shit, where'd my libido go?" You pretended to look around for it jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

 

    Even though the truth was, it _was_ gone, and you wanted it back, wanted to move past this. He went to stand up, and you quickly sat upright to grab onto his arm, stopping him.

 

    "Wait," you pleaded.

 

    You held onto his hand with both of yours, bringing it to your face to rest your forehead against it, closing your eyes. A weird gesture in hindsight, but for some reason that's what your body did to comfort you, and it worked. After a moment passed, you pulled back and kissed one of his knuckles.

 

    "I'm fine, really," you reassured him again.

 

    He looked at you, still skeptical, eyes searching over your face for... _something._ It seemed to be a thing that he did whenever he was genuinely really upset. You felt bad. He felt bad. This was bad. You wanted things to stop being bad, so you held your arms open in invitation.

 

    "Kiss me," you offered and asked for.

 

    He had a _pained_ sort of confusion for a moment, and you hated seeing such a look on his face. You wanted to see him happy. Not this. Not this at all. Hesitantly, he slowly came close to you again, pressing his forehead against yours, looking you in the eyes, like he was testing the waters. You leaned into the contact to show him it was okay, then adjusted the angle and kissed him.

 

    He kissed you back, to your great relief. You shared a rare, languid one. Something slower, fueled by a simple liking of each other instead of the usual frenzy. Fuck, feelings of affection hit you like a courteous freight train. You both came to a slow stop, your noses and foreheads pressed together again. You gazed at each other with half lidded eyes.

 

    " _Less_ intense version of it, huh?"

 

    WELL SHIT, HE RECOVERED QUICKLY. Your voice caught and you gulped. Welp.

 

    "Uh...sure, just..." You were half worried he would start right after 'sure' as soon as it left your mouth, but were pleasantly surprised when he actually gave you time to finish. "Just don't go so fuckin' hard. It'd probably be nice if you let up a bit instead of trying to beat the shit out of it."

 

    There. Guidelines. This was nice. If he got carried away, you would just stop him again. Seeing his reaction the first time, you trusted him to. He let out a rough breath, like it was an annoyance to him.

 

    "Fine. I'll try."

 

    You could tell he was sucking it up by the forced way his words came out. Still, verbal agreement. Yay! He laid his hand flat on your chest and pushed. You didn't resist. Down you went. He watched you like a predator watched prey, except more in control this time instead of hungry. His hand trailed all the way down from your chest, and you leaned into that contact too, because it was nice.

 

    You were also letting yourself get back into things. He didn't waste time, already starting to stroke again when he reached his destination. It was steady, a little faster than slow, and _fuck yup it felt good._ You grinded into his hand with a moan, letting him make you feel good, trusting him to do it.

 

    The fingers went back inside of you to their business, and he lightly started moving over that spot, testing what you could take. Your mouth opened on a cry, letting out several, trying to figure out, trying to think- oh, wait, you can't think because it actually feels really good this time. Thank fuck, fuck yes, _fuck yes,_ _ **fuck**_. You let yourself go.

 

    He kept on the pace, gradually increasing the speed and force, never reaching what it was before. It felt _so good_ , everything more acclimated with this kind of pace, so that when you were getting used to it, it would pick up, giving you more, making you feel even _better_ every time. It _satisfied_ you, and your mind and body screamed at you about how great it was to be a sort of double fucked.

 

    Everywhere he was working over _burned_ with the pleasure of being made to cum, both of your hotspots rocketing off at once. It felt like _perfection_ as you came from and onto his hands, seeing stars, _feeling_ stars. He kept going until you were spent, out of your mind, thoughtless. You're hands came down to stop him when you were done on their own, because your mind was on vacation. The best damn vacation it had ever taken.

 

    ...

 

    " **Better?** " drifted at you after a while, through the haze.

 

    Your body was a heavy, limp sack, your vocals just managing to get out the tiniest noise of acknowledgement.

 

    "Good. Because we're not done."

 

    Your eyes shot open. You moved just enough to look at him. Him and his massive erection. Oh, yeah. You forgot how to exist for a little bit, because you didn't need the information at the time, but now, back to yourself, you realized he indeed hadn't been able to get off during that. Well, he got off on it alright, if what you were looking at was any indication, but he didn't _get off on it_.

 

    "Yeah, jus' gimme a sec, I'd love to suck your cock or something," you got out as best you could, trying to get your body back into working order.

 

    "As **tempting** as that is, I already know _exactly_ how I'm going to fuck you."

 

    "...Wait, what? Refractory period, man." Did he even know what that meant? Better explain just to be safe. "Uh, what I'm saying is, that was a lot, and I need a little bit to physically recover before doing anything else like that again. Idea...! What if I did stuff to you, to help with," you coughed, "and maybe during that I'll get rearing to go again?"

 

    Compromise. What a beautiful thing. He looked at you like he hated the idea, impatient, and you couldn't really blame him. He growled in frustration, but sat back in a reclined position.

 

    "Hurry up, then."

 

    Well, that was a grand invitation that you accepted wholeheartedly. You crawled over and kissed him, going for full romance, running your hand down his stomach until you reached his cock. You stroked it gently and lovingly, still kissing him. You really hoped you were right about him getting off from a more loving kind of treatment.

 

    The fact that he was still kissing you back, and leaning into your touch, was a good indication that he got something from it, you thought. He half growled, half groaned, shoving a hand into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you into a deeper kiss. He fell over slowly, taking you with him, and you went, not minding at all.

 

    The kiss was more heated, your tongues rubbing against each other, and you made your own noises of satisfaction. But it was hard to concentrate fully like this, try as you might to keep up with this kind of kiss _and_ his cock, which he was freely jerking up against your hand now. You pulled away, wanting to hear more of him, wanting to _touch_ more of him, to get something more than the tiny groans you were occasionally getting.

 

    So you went down, licking a hot, solid stripe up the underside of his shaft, to the tip that you sucked on and swirled your tongue around. The sound he cut off was much louder, and you were deeply satisfied by that. Fuck, you were already getting... You pulled away, giving you both a second to just breath and recoup. You didn't know when, or how much, or- ...Oh, hey, you can just ask.

 

    "Hey, uh..."

 

    He shot up into sitting, and you quickly dodged back, surprised at the sudden movement. His eyes locked on to yours, and they were ignited and _hungry._ Yup, there it was, coming back in spectacular fashion. You shuddered as the new arousal racked through your body.

 

    " ** _Now?_** "

 

    He apparently had lost the brain function for bigger words or sentences. You'd been there. You were just happy you could get _him_ there. But you had to be honest.

 

    "Almost." His eyes narrowed into slits. "I'm just- If you fuck me into this carpet, that's gonna be-"

 

    "I'm not going to fuck you into the carpet."

 

    ...Oh? You gave him an intrigued look, wondering what he intended- the image of _him_ lying on the carpet as you rode the fucking daylights out of him slammed into your mind roughly, overeager. There it was. 100% arousal 'let's go' mode activated. He stood up rapidly and stalked over to the nearest wall, stood by it and faced you.

 

    Getting to watch his eagerly upright cock and strong body stride like that...yup, you were _definitely_ there, starry eyed and wonder struck by him.

 

    " **Hurry up** ," he rushed you.

 

    You agreed with the notion, standing and walking up next to him. You wondered if your body gave him similar sensations to what you experienced. What a _silly_ thought. One that made you giddy and drunk, even if you didn't fully believe it. You wanted to, so badly. You wished he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

 

    Well, thinking about it, he _clearly_ wanted you. You just weren't sure he wanted you from a place of love as much as yours, his seeming like more lust with _some_ love, but... You only thought that because you didn't think he cared for you _as much_ as you cared for him. It didn't feel like he could. Right now, at least. You knew he _cared_. Just... Ugh, fuck these insecurities. You would rather _be_ fucked.

 

    He knocked his knuckles once against the wall in demonstration, giving you a pointed look, waiting to see if you put it together. Oh, _honey fuck hot dang fuck shit fuck YES,_ you put it together. Oh, _FUCK YOU AGAINST THAT WALL._

 

    "'Kay, how?" You asked curtly, impatient yourself now.

 

    ' _How do you want me?_ ' was the full version, and you half wished you said it, but you were so eager, you automatically cut it down to the shortest version. He looked very pleased that you got it right away and this show was getting on the road. He closed the remaining distance, taking your arms and wrapping them around him above his shoulders.

 

    " _Up._ "

 

    It was a command. You were putting the pieces together. Up you went, wrapping your legs around his hips. _Shit, this was really intimate. You were doomed._ Being so close like this, in a position where your fronts were touching, and your faces were right next to each other... You dared to make eye contact, how affected you were surely written on your face, and you freely showed it to him. Oh, yes. _Doomed_.

 

    He almost looked appreciative, behind all the heat. No, wait... _He **does**_. Oh fuck there goes your everything. _Splooge_. You were already becoming a mess, and this was only beginning. He held you up by firmly grabbing on to your lower buttocks, his arms pressing into your lower back, forcing you up against him. This- _oh_ and there's the swift movement that shoves you up against the wall.

 

    Pinned between him and the wall, him pressing you to him, holding you up like this- Your head dropped over toward his shoulder with a delightfully overwhelmed noise. You were incredibly appreciative of the fact that his arms were acting like a shield for your lower back, where you were going to take the brunt of it. You wouldn't get bruises from being rammed into a hard surface. That was a massive plus.

 

    You had a second to wonder if that was on purpose, given the other, easier ways he could be holding you up, but he was already starting to move things into position, and all of your focus was directed toward shifting with him to make it work. With a little coordinated effort, you both found the sweet spot to get this started.

 

    There was no leeway for eye contact, words, or any kind of preamble as he started slipping into you right away. You gasped. Oh fuck, this was _happening._ _Hoh, fuCK-_ He rammed into you all the way, and absolutely everything made it feel phenomenal, the position, the angle, being against him like this, him _pressing_ you to him like this as he held you up, pinned you against a wall-

 

    " _Please..._ "

 

    You had already lost it.

 

    " **Now look who's impatient** ," he stopped to growl at you before pulling right back out and ramming in again.

 

    You cried out as he slammed you to him _and_ slammed into you, given your positions. You were already slipping between going weak and trying to hold on to him, not wanting to have to force him to hold all of your weight. It felt better and more natural when you held on to him like this, being as up in the air as you were. It helped, and you clutched on to him as best as you could, fully wrapped around with both legs and arms, his hot cock pressed fully up inside of you.

 

    He pulled out slowly, and you whined at the feeling of his filling heat rubbing against the walls of your entrance. He rammed back in again, filling you to the brink. You couldn't help crying out again. Everything felt so _good_ , so _hot_ against your insides. He stayed pressed fully into you for several seconds, before doing it all over again. He kept doing it, and the pace was driving you _mad_.

 

    You were only getting louder, losing more control, the walls of your insides clenching and spasming around him the more he did it. It was _why_ he did it. You tried to focus, because if this was doing this to _you_ , how was he so damn quiet? You were always so lost to and in him, that you never really got the chance to stop and notice what _he_ sounded like. But you wanted to. Wanted to _hear_ him.

 

    You stifled yourself as much as you could on the next go around, trying your damnest to hear something from him over the flood of sensation in your brain and body. ... _There._ When he moved back in, there was an exhale and a muted grunt. Oh no. You shouldn't have listened. It turned you on way too much and you were already literally being fucked.

 

    So you let yourself get lost again. Except now that you were aware of it, conscious of it, had _heard it_ , it was like your brain latched on, and you couldn't _stop_ hearing him whenever you got the chance. It just made you officially lose it more, because being fucked like this and hearing him while it happened was _bliss_.

 

    You forced your hazy eyes open to match up his expressions with his sounds. Tried to get an angle where you could see his face when you were smashed together like this, your faces forced to turn toward different directions just to have room.

 

    Which was fantastic, because it practically forced the both of you to be cuddling the sides of your faces together during this, which  _did it for you_ , made it even more intimate, made you feel so close to him, in more ways than one. But visibility...

 

    You were rammed into once again, and you lost the train of thought, unable to hold on any longer like this. You barely filed the thought away for later before everything was gone again, and that was okay. Because...

 

    _Everything._

 

_Was._

 

_Bliss._

 

    And you gave into it fully, dived in head first with no regrets. You would wonder later, if he could tell the difference, if there was a difference to be told, or if he was far too lost in it himself to even fully notice something like that. You would hope that it was the latter, because you just wanted him to be able to feel as good as he made you feel.

 

    Something had built up to an almost unbearable degree, and you couldn't take it anymore. You _needed_ him to keep ramming into you without stopping, so this pressure would get taken care of properly. You didn't want to be just barely pushed over the edge so that you fizzled out and had a really unsatisfying orgasm. _Especially_ not after all of this. You wondered how the hell _he_ held on to a pace like this so long.

 

    "Please, please, I need to cum, I **_need_ , **_please!_ "

 

    Please, _please_ , let him- you were so direct- surely- please- He stopped. Pulled back _just_ enough so that you could see each other. He didn't look to be any better off than you. Mouth open, panting hotly, eyes half open, brows pulled down, just looking _disheveled._ _But that meant he was as affected as you._

 

    He pushed your open mouths together into a kiss, pounding into you in a frenzy, and you screamed into his mouth, as he shouted into yours, as you were both shoved over the edge, followed all the way down because he did not _stop._ Your eyes rolled back and you clawed into him in your _own_ frenzy, unaware of anything but your everything clenching up as you were forced to cum to your fullest capacity.

 

    You were just barely aware enough to tell the moment he finished, because you both went slack and slid down the wall, falling awkwardly to the carpet on your sides. You were still spasming after the fact, and that was the only thing you were aware of, until it too, went away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That got unexpectedly real. ...Then a whole bunch more smut happened. Hoo WOOooooo. I've written a surprising amount of this fic this week. It's a great stress relief for me, and while it wasn't a bad week per se, it was stressful. So a bunch of this fic happened as a result I guess? Silver lining? Idk, or maybe I just really wanted/want to write this because I enjoy it so much. FUCK, I LOVE THIS FIC. And all of you. Okay, enough sappy shit, I'm gonna go...sleep or something, idk. Good night and day, all.


	34. Snow Globe

**He tossed the thing up and down idly before looking it over again, trying to figure out what its purpose was. It didn't seem to do anything except have a figure of a beach inside along with small white flakes that moved freely whenever he rotated it. They had said that they would explain, but as far as he could tell, it was just some strange, useless piece of decoration.**

 

**He looked over to their sleeping form on the floor next to him from where he sat up against the wall. It made him both proud and pissed off that they passed out every time he did anything to them. Sometimes he fell asleep himself, but at least he didn't _stay_ asleep forever, or get there so easily. After he stopped being pleasantly dulled out himself, he would kick them in the head to wake them. That should do the trick.**

 

 

    You floated in a cream of bliss- **ACK.**

 

    "OWWW," you complained automatically before you were even fully awake or knew what was going on.

 

    You rubbed your head, looking around to find the cause, looking like you'd had a sour grape. You found what could only be, and must have been, the cause. Vanitas, sitting against the wall, 80% neutral, 20% pissed off. You narrowed your eyes at him.

 

    "Sir, have you thwacked me upon the head?"

 

    "If you stopped being annoying and falling asleep all the time, I wouldn't have to."

 

    Allllright. Here was the thing...

 

    "Remember when we established that hitting was bad?"

 

    He narrowed his own eyes at you, going up to 30% pissed off.

 

    "I barely tapped you. You're just pathetic."

 

    HOOOOOH Boy. Time for a talky-talk with Vanitas who was in a moody-mood. _Great._ You sat up, taking up position against the wall, a little away from him so you could have a casual chat.

 

    "Here's the thing..."

 

    He scoffed and turned away in seeming disinterest, probably knowing what you were going to say.

 

    "You're strong...and I'm, not so much. Did you ever think maybe to hold yourself back a smidge to account for that?"

 

    His head snapped back toward you in a heated glare.

 

    "You have no idea how much I hold myself ba-" his mouth slammed shut thoroughly under lock and key, realizing what he let slip.

 

    You were surprised. That's right. Maybe that _was_ the held back version. Oh. Oh my. What did you do about this? You quickly thought up a solution.

 

    "Thank you, for...not going all out then. But, as just, you know, a _suggestion,_ maybe when you want to thwack me, you could thwack...literally anything else. I'm not gonna be put off if you randomly punch walls or something every now and then. Or often. Whatever you need."

 

    You powered through despite the immense glare weighing on you at certain parts. You hoped it was at least 50% at the situation rather than at you specifically. You thought it probably was. He looked forward again, and rammed his head back to the wall. You tried not to flinch at the force of it.

 

    Did that mean he was already...taking your advice??? Kind of??? You didn't want him to ram his head against things though. He looked straight ahead, falling back into a more neutral looking state.

 

    "Whatever," he begrudged.

 

    Oh. Ah. That was a 'yes' then. You weren't going to push the subject any more at the present moment. You both sat in silence for a bit. Thinking on it, if he was actually going to try to be less rough, you should thank him. Because you appreciated it. But you also didn't want to dwell on it, since it seemed to be a sour topic, so you would follow it up with something else quickly. Ha ha, you were so smart.

 

    "Thank you. Hey, what do you wanna do today? I've got a billion things we _could_ do, but I wanna know what _you_ wanna do."

 

    Nailed it. Fuck yes. He took a moment before tossing something toward you. You caught the snow globe you had given him. Oh hey, he had it all that time and it was still intact. You were impressed and kind of proud and kind of still in wonder that he didn't smash something so breakable the first chance he got. Then again, you supposed he hadn't really _got_ much of a chance at that yet.

 

    "You said you would explain it."

 

    Oh yeah, so you did. You were a little sad to see it get inevitably smashed, but it was for the cause.

 

    "Yeah, so you see, I figured since the beach pissed you off, you could take a tiny breakable version of the beach and smash it. I thought it would be satisfying. ...It's _supposed_ to be a snow globe, where you watch the snow fall back down on the beach after you shake it, which is _supposed_ to be nice and soothing and pretty, but I thought maybe you'd get a better kick out of smashing the shit out of it."

 

    You handed it back to him so he could have it and do whatever he wanted with it. He shook it violently, giving a hard stare to the falling particles afterward, like he was testing out what it was _supposed_ to do. You wondered what he thought of its intended purpose, even though you could guess.

 

    "What do you think? Of its original purpose?"

 

    No harm in asking anyway. You wanted to know what went on in his head, wanted to know him better, wanted to just _talk_ with him.

 

    "Its tacky and stupid."

 

    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It was stunningly magnificent, the way he talked sometimes. Direct. To the point. But not above the occasional fancy spiel. All while he called shit stupid. God, you loved him.

 

    "That is a beautiful outlook on snow globes," you admired honestly. The problem was, as a response to what he said, you were worried it came off as sarcastic. "Really, as like... I'm not being sarcastic, I just admire seeing your world view sometimes," you quickly tried to clarify.

 

    He gave you a look before tossing it back to you.

 

    "Then what do you think of it? Impress me with how unspectacular your thoughts are."

 

    _GASP._ He was asking for _your_ world view? Well, on snow globes, but... Oh yeah, you would impress him.

 

    "I think they're nice and neat and pretty."

 

    BOOM. He could take that and do with it what he wanted, because there it was. Spectacular. No 'Un's about it. He huffed.

 

    "Of course. I'm not surprised."

 

    "That just means we know each other really well. I wasn't surprised by your answer either," you chirped back, chipper.

 

    He gave you a brief side glance before staring ahead again, eyes narrowing for a second, like he was processing such a reality. You let him process. Actually, while he was doing that...where were your clothes? Ah, there they are, tossed about the room. ...As usual...

 

    You got up and started gathering them, processing something now yourself. 'As usual.' There was a usual. You got a giddy spike at that, hopping in place a small bit before you dressed. You were happy as a cat napping in a sunbeam. You turned back to him. He was already looking at you. Of course.

 

    He still sat, holding the snow globe. He looked...surprisingly thoughtful? Was he having a deep thinky thunk? You didn't want to interrupt that, but it would be weird if you just stood there staring at him. Hopefully he could keep thinking on whatever it was passively or whenever he had the chance. He was smart, he could use his brainy brains for multiple things.

 

    "Hey, why don't we get out of here and do something? You never said what you wanted to do. You can smashy smash that if you want," you referred to the snow globe.

 

    He looked at it once more before putting it away, standing and dressing all at once in a fluid motion. You kind of envied his ability to just suddenly have clothes if he wanted. It was also just impressive to watch. He walked to the door, speaking as he passed you.

 

    "We're not done in here."

 

    You stared at him in wonder as he walked out of the room. Huh. Okay then. You followed after, out into the foyer.

 

    "So...wha'd'ya wanna do?"

 

    He took out the snow globe, tossed it once, caught it firmly. Stared at it. Shook the shit out of it. Stared at it some more. Well, kind of a glare now. You watched in fascination, wondering what kind of internal monologues he had when he did stuff like that. If he had any at all.

 

**He couldn't decide what to do with the damn piece of plastic and glass. He shouldn't have any attachment to it at all, yet here he was, faced with indecision at the possibility of destroying it. The truth was, he liked that he could disrupt the peace inside the dome at any time by literally shaking up a storm inside of it. He kind of wanted to keep it.**

 

    He put it away again. Stared at the entrance door before turning to you.

 

    "Do you have anything I can **rip apart**?"

 

    DAMN. Someone was in a destructive mood. Uh... Shit. You didn't have anything. You already destroyed the drywall you had to destress in your time apart. The rubble you threw out was already rubble, so... Fuck. This was a massive oversight on your part. You should have prepared for this, had stuff stored up in advance. It just wasn't on your brain at the time, too focused on other stuff to get by.

 

    "Uh...s-sorry. ...I don't."

 

    You looked away, running your hand through your hair in regret.

 

    "Then pick something. Get whatever you want and meet me at the Fuck Tree."

 

    You simultaneously regretted and loved that name more the more you heard it. It was a complex feeling. He didn't darkport away or anything this time. Just walked out. It seemed really weird coming from him for some reason.

 

    You thought about what he said. 'Get whatever you want,' huh? You wanted to be really creative this time, really spice it up. No more standard wood and metal. And somehow... Some fucking how... You _needed_ to involve glitter.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Mind Fucked by the Union Cross Update club, how Mind Fucked by the Union Cross Update are ya? (yes, ManlyBadassHero reference) I'm trying so hard to understand, Nomura senpai, plz.


	35. Personality Test (of sorts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> Brief mention of self cutting and bleeding at the very end.

    Symbols of society. Specifically, the bad ones. You wanted to be creative and this was what you came up with. It may or may not have been a terrible idea, you weren't really sure, but you were committed to it.

 

    You had items and had written on them what they represented in this instance. Coming up with them was hard, and they weren't perfect, but it _was_ certainly different. A break from the mold. Something new.

 

    It was also an experiment and personality test of sorts. You were going to lay them out and ask him which one he wanted to destroy first, which one he hated the most. You were very curious what his response would be. You could also make a point if he pulled the 'I'm darkness, I am these things' card.

 

    You would demonstrate that even if he was, he could use said things to destroy said things. That even darkness _could_ be used to do good. Not that you were going to push that agenda on him, you knew it wasn't him, you just wanted to show it was _possible_. Just a little tidbit to throw out there, something to think about. Not a big deal or anything.

 

    And. ...The... GLITTER. Glistening light refractions of red blood in a jar. ...Red sparkles. You wanted to pour it out over his chosen item, signifying its inescapable fate. It was a figurative action, like breaking a champagne bottle on a ship to christen it. ...And holy fuck, would pouring a bottle of sparkles over something be fun.

 

    You hauled it all out to ye old, good old, timeless classic, boy what a guy, Fuck Tree. You didn't see Vani around anywhere, so you laid out the items in a row across the fallen tree to set up.

 

    Fancy looking tie - Greed (more specifically, corporate greed, but whatever, you needed to generalize here)

    A small pile of munny and various cheap nicknacks (the kind of stuff people nab when they're just doing it for the thrill) - Theft

    Pair of binoculars - Inaction (Bystander effect, the need for help is clearly seen and ignored)

    Crowbar (blunt  _and_ sharp) - Violence

    Stack of colored paper underneath stack of plain paper (oppression of the different) - Inequality

 

    It wasn't a comprehensive list by any means, but it was what you could think of in the time you'd allowed yourself. You hadn't wanted to take forever, after all. Of course, you also had some wood blocks and cans, just in case he wanted something more traditional, and/or for future reference.

 

    Fuck. You were almost out of munny again. But it was worth it. Plus, you didn't have to worry about where you would sleep or live anymore, so...that was a huge weight off your back. You sat down in front of the tree, leaning back against it. Time to take a nice break while you waited. Several peaceful minutes passed before you heard him speak from above and behind you.

 

    "What is this?"

 

    He sounded skeptical and none too appreciative. You turned to see him on the tree, looking down at your row of things. You hopped up, excited, but also very nervous for how this was going to go.

 

    "Okay, hear me out... I wanted to try something different. Since you said 'whatever you want' and all, I wanted to spice things up a bit from the usual flying wood pieces and such. Although, I do have those too if you really want them."

 

    So far, so good. He seemed in a normal state of 'what the fuck is all this' and 'I'm going to smash something,' and he let you explain, so all was well.

 

    "Why are they labeled?"

 

    What a fantastic question. You explained your fun game to him. He looked more and more suspicious the more you explained.

 

    "Why?" He asked simply.

 

    "Why not?" You countered back. "What's better for destressing than literally ripping apart everything wrong with the world?"

 

    He looked down at the things, a weird combination of thoughtful, pissed off, and...sad? Was that a glimmer of sad you saw? Shit, had you fucked up? He turned back to you with that suspicious look again.

 

    "You're asking me to destroy myself," he stated simply.

 

    Aaaaand there it was. It still slammed you in the feels though. You took a deep breath.

 

    "No, I'm not." You were firm as you made eye contact. "You may have some of those things, you may even have a lot of those things, but they're not _all_ of you. You're a lot of things. Like my best friend, for one." You had just meant to say 'friend,' but your true feelings slipped out accidentally. "Anyway, I'm just saying you can beat up bad stuff if you want. It's not considered the moral high ground or anything, I'm just pointing out that it's an option.

 

    Like knocking someone the fuck out if they're about to beat up a kid or something. It's very vigilante, not really considered the _best_ thing to do, but... I'm just saying if you want to beat up someone, if you feel you _have_ to beat up someone, beating up the bad guys is so much better than just any random person. It's still _bad_ technically, but..." You coughed loudly, awkwardly. "Yeah, just sayin', you have options, you know..."

 

    You trailed off awkwardly, finally giving way to the pressure of the deadpan glare he had been giving you the whole time. You fidgeted uncomfortably in the wake of your 'speech.' He started laughing mid-scoff, one of those unpleasant, at your detriment kind of laughs. The ones that gave your spine a chill.

 

    "All of this, just to make your cute little _point._ Tell me, does it feel good, thinking you're _better_ than everyone else?"

 

    It was a harsh statement, said harshly. You flinched _and_ winced. It was a very unpleasant time. You knew not to hold it against him _too_ much, so you tried to respond in a casual manner. No big deal. Really, you were impressed with his ability to make people feel like shit. You powered through.

 

    "Hey, man, I just wanted to do something fun and unique, but if you wanna shit all over it, fine, go ahead. Smash things without an intelligent thought to it, you're very good at that," you spat back.

 

    Oh no. You hadn't meant to say something like that. You must have felt more hurt than you thought to try to hurt back like that. You immediately regretted it.

 

    "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

 

    He gave a single loud bark of a laugh, almost a stated 'HA' more than anything, before he plopped down into a casual sitting position on the tree. He stared at you with one of his more casual sadism sort of looks, practically chipper all of a sudden. You were thrown for a loop. What the fuck-...

 

    ...Did he just... Did he seriously just... Fuck with you like that? You glared at him in a heavily taken aback way. He just smilesmirked back in a 'ha ha, fuck you, got you' sort of way.

 

    "Ahbuh-! Whuhyou-! _I_ -"

 

    You stomped your foot and started pacing in agitated circles.

 

    "You! I! I should have included an item for being a jerk, because clearly that fits you!" You shot at him.

 

    He seemed completely unaffected, watching you like he was just having a pleasant Sunday afternoon. You once again regretted your words. Fuck, you had to calm down.

 

    "Sorry, I-"

 

    Fuck, you were too exasperated to even know where to begin.

 

    "Why? You apologize a lot for something that's true."

 

    You gave him another taken aback glare sort of thing. More of a hard stare this time, given the context. You just didn't expect him to admit it so openly, so easily.

 

    "Although, you were wrong about one thing. I put a _lot_ of thought into how I break things."

 

    He had gotten a dangerous gleam in his eye, and edge to his voice. You shudder-wince-gulped. Okay. Point taken. Maybe he took that one personally. You breathed for a moment, hand over your heart, calming down.

 

    "How am I supposed to know when you're actually offended though? Haven't you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?" What were you saying, of he course he hadn't heard it. "Right, actually, you probably haven't heard it."

 

    "It sounds dumb."

 

    He was back to casually calling things stupid. Good sign?

 

    " _Well_ , dear friend, let me recount you a tale!"

 

    He raised an eyebrow at you, already looking bored. You told him the tale anyway. It was a good and moral teaching tale. You liked it a lot actually. He stared into the distance, seeming to not be listening, seeming to be bored, but you knew better. You knew he was listening semi-passively at least, maybe even interestedly, though maybe that was wishful thinking.

 

    "...so he lost all of his sheep because no one came to help because they didn't believe him. Kind of gruesome, but a harsh truth."

 

    Now that you thought about it, those old harsh but real children's moral stories were right up his alley.

 

    "What a stupid kid," he remarked passively.

 

    Ah, so he was listening.

 

    "Yeah. You don't feel you maybe...relate to this kid just a tiny smudge?"

 

    His eyes bothered to look back in your direction to glare.

 

    "I'm not saying you're stupid, obviously, I'm just saying, it's something to think thonk about. Ya know, as a story." You dragged your foot on the ground in a pattern. "...Because, I was really worried I actually hurt your feelings..." You added quietly, truthfully.

 

   He rolled his eyes so hard you thought he might somehow make planets spawn with the circumference.

 

    "If I was actually mad at you, you would _know_."

 

    You thought back to his recent 'mad at you.' You _knew._ It was true. But, on a smaller scale...

 

    "I thought I did know...but apparently I don't. So you can see why I'm concerned."

 

    "Maybe you did know. Maybe I just got over it. Because that's just who you are."

 

    The pointed words had a double meaning slammed at you that you didn't miss.

 

    "I'm not-" You sighed your stress out, becoming much calmer and open before you continued. "I'm not trying to _change_ you. I'm just pointing out ways you can be who you are that maybe... I don't know, maybe never occurred to you before." He gave you a bored, unimpressed stare. "Okay, geez, sorry, I was just trying to help."

 

    You dropped it there, starting a mildly sad-agitated pace. Sadgitated. The slow, pointless, meandering walk of sadgitated.

 

    "Because that's who you are..." He repeated quietly, seemingly to himself.

 

    You watched him for a bit as he looked away, thoughtful. Thinking. You looked elsewhere yourself, letting the silence wash over you as you recovered and reset from the whole encounter. After a while passed, you still had the burning desire for your little project to be put to good use.

 

    "So...we can say fuck off to the labels if you want, but, I'm just saying..." You looked at the binoculars, back to him, and waggled your eyebrows. "I think breaking binoculars would be hella fun." HA HAA, there was your playful spunk! Playful spunk achieved. "I'll bet you can even rip them in half if you tried."

 

    He tossed an appraising look to the spoken of item. Then he tossed an appraising look at _you._

 

    "What did you think I was going to pick?"

 

    Uh?? You didn't expect him to ask that.

 

    "Uh...I really didn't know. That's why I was so curious."

 

    "Guess," he challenged.

 

    Weeeeeull, fuck. And fuck _it_. You would guess. You walked up and looked each item over thoughtfully, looking between him and them sometimes, hand on your chin, clearly putting on a show of your deep thunkerooskies.

 

    Well, firstly, theft was out. He had _no_ problem with theft. He also seemed pretty openly greedy, that was out. Inaction...he _did_ like to watch things burn down around him, so _that_ was definitely out. Inequality...he liked to laugh at people, thinking them beneath him... Which left...

 

    Violence. He _loved_ violence. Except... He hated it when it came to you. At least you thought. He had been trying so hard to control himself around you. That was worth something. You picked up the crowbar, squinting your eyes at him as you did it, looking for any sign that you were right. He gave you nothing.

 

    You held it out to him as your chosen item. He smirked, clearly very pleased.

 

    " _Wrong._ "

 

    "Eh?!"

 

    You stared at him in genuine surprise. He got up, roughly grabbed the top sheet of paper on the 'inequality' stack, crumpling and crushing it with one hand. He casually tossed it away behind him, turning back to you to watch your reaction. He also kicked the stack off the tree for good measure, the papers fluttering haphazardly.

 

    Your brain worked on overdrive to put the pieces together on why he chose _that_ one. ... _Of course_. It made perfect sense now that you thought about it. His entire life of suffering was because he was forced to be a shadow of the light. Forced into a role because he was taught he was _lesser_. _Nothing._ By a piece of shit you _still_ once again wanted to wreck whenever you thought about this stuff.

 

    Fuck, you were getting that hurty feeling in your chest again- He jumped down onto some of the papers, crushing them. You saw him summon his keyblade and quickly realized he was about to beat the shit out of all the paper.

 

    "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait-" you grabbed his arm to at least pause him. "I haven't marked them for doom. With," you pulled out your pride and joy, " _THIS._ _The_ red glitter of death and destuction," you broke off into evil cackling, ripping the lid off and spinning in circles as you let the sparkling red glitter fall out over the strewn paper. Marking them. For _DEATH._

 

    You were still tittering in evil glee as you backed up out of the way, rubbing your hands together, observing and admiring your work. It. Was. _Glorious_. He could look at you like you had lost your fucking mind all he liked. You had achieved your _dream_. Still grinning, you gave him the go-ahead. _  
_

 

    " _Now,_ you may do your worst..." You spoke slowly and deeply, ending on more evil laughter.

 

    He looked at you like you were fucking crazy (maybe you were, did it matter?) for a moment longer before he turned his attention back to the paper. He either shook his head out, shook his head _at_ you, or both. You couldn't really tell. Your bet was on both.

 

    He tore through the paper in rapid, fluid movements, becoming his own small typhoon as they would be forced up from the wind and motion, only to be slashed apart. The _glitter_ was also stirred up, and he was a dark hurricane within a storm of torn flying paper and beautiful gleaming glitter. You went slack-jawed in awe. You were star struck.

 

    He didn't let a single piece escape his wrath, following and tracking down all of them, _burning_ some of them with fire magic. When all was done, he walked back over to you, looking very sated. Content, even.

 

    He was also... _COVERED IN GLITTER FROM HEAD TO TOE._ _He probably didn't even know it yet._ This was the best day of your life. You were so happy you could die. You just intensely stared at him in a worshiping sort of devotion and infatuation. He narrowed his eyes at you and moved back just a tiny bit.

 

    The tiniest bit, but you fucking saw it. You saw _all of him_ in grand high-def slow motion at the moment. Which meant maybe you _were_ staring a bit too intensely. It might have been a leer at that point. _But_. The fascinating bit of information you picked up on was that you could _intimidate_ him. _You._ Just a bit. By openly leering. Huh. Interesting to know.

 

    He looked down at himself to see what it was that had you so worked up. He was half disgusted and half horrified. Oh, you just wanted to hug his adorable self. So you did. He was stiff as a board as you held him and told him the honest to God truth.

 

    "You're really fucking hot covered in glitter."

 

    You pulled back, your mission satisfied and done. He gave you a hard stare of disbelieving horror.

 

    "What? It's true," you reiterated.

 

    He made a sound that you would clearly describe as _GACK_. He started trying to wipe it all off of himself, but it was almost like he was afraid to touch it. You became actually a smidge worried.

 

    "You uh...you don't seem to like it," you observed.

 

    " **It's _heinous_** ," he deeply growled out in disgust, snarl on his face.

 

    It was an odd word choice. You would have figured he would greatly appreciate 'heinous.' You weren't sure what to do, but you wanted to help the poor guy out. OH! That's right! You had a shower and soap now. He could just wash it off. ' _You could help him wash it off_.' Shush, brain, please. Then again, thinking on it, couldn't he just- oh, no, he couldn't, because despawning his 'second skin,' as it were, would just make it get on his _actual_ skin. Shower it was.

 

    "Hey, since you hate it so much, why don't you pop into the bathroom I showed you to wash it off. You really look like you're having an unpleasant time and I'm sorry."

 

    He gave you a glare through his discomfort, and you could rest easy knowing he would be alright.

 

    " **Fine** ," he growled out in agreement, disappearing into darkness, apparently wanting the fastest path.

 

    You looked down at yourself, now also a little glitterafied from the hug. You should probably change clothes and clean up yourself, you didn't want him to be afraid of touching you. Over a little glitter. It was fascinating to think about. But it was also saddening. Because if he hated it so much, that meant you wouldn't ever see him like that again. You didn't _want_ him to be uncomfortable.

 

    FUCK, YOU FORGOT TO TAKE A SCREENSHOT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

 

**He scrubbed roughly at himself under the falling water, desperate to get it all off. He tried to think of other things as a distraction to his current situation. Like how they had looked at him. They looked like they had wanted to _consume_ him. He had never seen such a look on them before. He couldn't figure it out. **

 

**Was it really because of _this_ atrocious stuff? They said it was, but he just couldn't understand. He thought about putting up with it, just to see that look again, and shuddered, as no one was around to see it. He wasn't even sure he wanted to see the _look_ again. He couldn't tell how he felt about it.**

 

**It felt good, because they looked like they were _worshiping_ him, like he was their god. But it was also creepy, because they looked it _too_ much, like they would have cut their arms open and bled him a river if he just asked.**

 

**Another shudder passed through him, this one far more unpleasant. He didn't like the thought of them bleeding out. For some reason, it made him feel really bad. Oh, that's right, it was because he _cared_.**

 

**He let his head slam down onto the shower wall. He still wasn't used to this.**

 

 


	36. Unintentional Intentional

    You had three problems as you sat on the foyer steps, waiting for Vanitas to finish his shower. One, was that you were no longer waiting for him as he exited the room. Two, was that problem one was a problem because he apparently didn't know or care to use a towel, which resulted in wet, dripping Vanitas, which resulted in your loins being offended. Meaning, FUCKING UNF.

 

    Three, Union Cross. FUCKING, Union Cross. You'd disconnected when you got back to the mansion, finding it to be a good time. Now, back, you stared at him closely, as if he somehow had new information in his brain, even if that didn't make sense given the context of the update. You're mind was just reeling, grasping for anything.

 

    It also didn't hurt to admire the view. Lovely, nice, casual view. You know, damp hair that clung to him a bit, water droplets falling into the groves of his suit, tracing the pattern down... Oh, that was why you can follow that one drop down with your eyes, because he's standing right in front of you.

 

    "Sorry, what? I zoned out."

 

    "I didn't say anything."

 

    Well.

 

    This was awkward.

 

    "Ah, yes, right, I knew that. I was just... So how was your shower?! Feel better now? Unglimmerified?"

 

    "Why do you like that stuff anyway?"

 

    "Uh...it's pretty. And sparkly. And magical. And...I just really like it, okay?"

 

    He huffed and let himself fall onto the steps next to you. It was quiet for a moment, as you tried not to be too distracted again by the way his hair was specifically arranged when it was wet.

 

    "What would you have picked?" He asked.

 

    Oh? Interest in you? As he sat, damp, on some steps, next to you? Okay, calm down, this is fine. Great, actually, this is great. You thought about the actual question.

 

    "Hmm... Well, they're all problems, but... maybe inaction and violence? I don't know, there's just something really terrible about someone having something terrible done to them, and people know about it and could help, but they just don't," you lamented sadly.

 

    He stood up after a few seconds, walking forward, then looking back at you, like he expected you to follow.

 

    "Well? Hurry up, we're not done."

 

    And he marched onward. You got up and followed. Oh yeah, the other things. That you guessed were about to be utterly decimated. You trotted along behind Vani, back to good old Fuck Tree, a comfortable silence between you.

 

    Once there, he sneered at the leftover glitter on the ground (and various other places, boy that stuff traveled and _stayed_ ), before tossing the crowbar and binoculars to you. You were very careful about catching the crowbar, not wanting to accidentally cut yourself from it or something, which left the binoculars to bump off of your fumbling self, onto the ground.

 

    You scurried to pick them up so you were holding both, then looked at them, wondering _why_ you were holding both. You looked up at him to ask, finding the sight of him sitting on Fuck Tree, holding the tie, watching as flames slowly worked their way up, burning through it. You stared for a moment.

 

    Wow. What you were looking at was just so _Vanitas_ , you took a moment to process and appreciate. ... Okay, done.

 

    "Hey, uh, why did you give me these?"

 

    Did he want target practice? Another round of tossed stuff? Surely, he wasn't letting _you_... He tore his eyes from the mesmerizing flames that were almost done consuming the tie, hand moving to drop it on the tree to finish and fizzle out before it burnt him. His attention now on you, he answered your question.

 

    "They're yours, aren't they, idiot? So do whatever you want with them."

 

    He _was?_ You watched him in a mild bewilderment as his attention was diverted to the pile, picking up one of the knick-knacks, turning it over, observing it, before crushing it in his hand. After his hand opened again, he looked the item over once more, seeming more appreciative of it, like he liked it better that way.

 

    Fuck. So much _Vanitas_ ing was happening, except... It was... Nice?? Of him to give you 'your' items?? Why was he being so nice to you? Well, _relatively_ nice for him, anyway. These little things kept happening, stuff like this that he didn't seem to think a big deal of, or at least acted it. Thinking back on what you could, thinking of just how much general effort he _was_ shoving your way, constantly working on...

 

    That's weird. It was like it _just_ now really hit you. That he really fucking seemed to care about you. A _lot._ He did care. He really, really did care. He fucking cared. About you. Why is it hard to breath?

 

    You tried to get yourself under control, tried to breath right, tried to clear your vision. You should be happy. Why did your chest feel tight, why did it _hurt_ that he cared about you? Because it doesn't. Shouldn't. Right? What's wrong?

 

    You heard a sharp intake of breath from him that redirected your attention outside of yourself. You looked up at him, and you didn't know how you looked, didn't know how you _felt_ , but confusion was definitely there, and...

 

    "Why...why are you crying-"

 

    There was just the slightest start of another word that he cut off, and you knew, you fucking _knew_ he stopped himself from tacking 'idiot' on there, why was he being _so fucking nice to you_ -

 

    It hurt and you cried. You didn't understand it, but it was what happened. You stood there, gripping a crowbar in one hand, binoculars in another, crying, and it must have been an odd sight, but you couldn't control yourself.

 

    You _heard_ him jump off the tree, take steps toward you, _knew_ he must be in front of you. It was strange, you had ended up crying in front of him too fucking much already, and this time you really felt like you _did not want_ to be crying in front of him. Didn't want him to see you like this. Like the weak, useless, scrap of person you were.

 

   You heard something strange. Like a flood unversed, but lower pitched, a mournful moan. You immediately opened your eyes to check what was happening, concerned. You looked to your right, where the sound came from. Tiny. Sad. Puppy. Thing? It had water drops like bubbles pouring from its eyes, and its entire body language was of a depressed animal.

 

    It slogged over behind you to curl up in a tight ball, letting out another sorrowful whine. You felt better. Maybe it was because you had switched to shock more than anything else. You looked forward to seek out Vanitas for an explanation, and he was there, staring at you like you told him you could split the sea, and then _did_.

 

    He looked shocked too, but also bewildered, and like he was torn between confusion and just straight up not liking something. Uh oh. Did that mean...? You looked back at the poor creature. You wanted to make it feel better, it seemed like it was suffering so much. But you didn't know if it was even safe to touch it. It was also...

 

    _You_. You didn't need to be told, you just knew it was from _you_. Which meant... some crazy ass heart shenanigans must have just happened. But you didn't have enough... Right? That didn't make sense. Not at all. Did it? Unless...it was _through_ _him_ somehow. Oh my god.

 

    You looked at him in shock all over again.

 

    "Did you... _mean_ to do that?" You asked him.

 

    He looked practically spooked.

 

    "Did _you?_ "

 

    "I didn't." You hadn't. "Do you...have any idea what the fuck just happened?"

 

    You were starting to get spooked yourself. He started to collect himself, like he just realized how 'un'collected he was. With a more neutral expression, one that had a worried sort of glare to it, he spoke.

 

    "Do you really not know? You didn't intend for this at all?"

 

    He was double checking, and you couldn't blame him.

 

    "No. I have-" You were about to say 'no idea what the fuck,' but then you realized, you did have _one_ bit of information. "Actually... I only know one thing. After...uh...it 'showed up,' I just sort of innately knew it was..." It was hard to say the next part, to acknowledge it. "It was...uh... Meee? In a waaay?" You admitted hesitantly in a higher pitch.

 

    He sighed, almost in a frustrated way.

 

    "So _that's_ what happened."

 

    He glared away into a nearby tree, looking very much like he wanted to smash it. You gave him a moment. ...And then another. ...He wasn't going to explain unless you asked, was he? And judging from how he was fixedly glaring at that tree, you could guess the reason you had to ask to begin with was because he didn't _want_ to explain whatever it was.

 

    "Ummmm...care to share?"

 

    Now he _did_ outright huff a sigh of frustration, tempering his glare just slightly before he looked back to you.

 

    " **Just guess**."

 

    "...Are you fucking kidding me." You deadpanned back.

 

    Wow, he _really_ didn't want to say whatever it was himself, did he? What did that mean for whatever it was?

 

    " **Don't make me say it** ," he ground out.

 

    "Say _what_ for fuck's sake?!"

 

    Your worry was starting to make you yell. You wanted this resolved now, before anything spiraled out of control.

 

    " **That I didn't know what to do, so I let my heart talk, and then _that_ thing showed up** **!** " He yelled at you in a rush.

 

    You stared at him in shock at the confession. He glared at you, like you forced him to eat something he hated. Except ten times worse. He finally broke eye contact to stomp around behind you, to the ' _thing._ '

 

    You acted right away, turning and throwing yourself over it, holding it to you protectively, not knowing what he planned to do with it, but knowing you couldn't let anything bad happen to it. Like it was a real puppy. Maybe to you, it was. Even if said puppy was sad as shit. Even more reason.

 

    "Wait!" You pleaded.

 

    He rolled his eyes at you and took a single step back.

 

    "I'm not going to hurt it, _idiot_."

 

    You slowly started to uncurl from your protective sleeve. Oh. That was good. And grand ole 'idiot' had made its triumphant return. All was as it should be. You looked down to the sad ball of sad, who whimpered. _Oh sweet baby oh honey, oh precious babu, oh fuck, you precious, glorious, wondrous thing you, you deserve all love and protection and_ -

 

    You were in deep for this thing already. You cuddled it to your chest, murmuring sweet comforts to it, wanting to make it feel better. You had completely forgotten about the notion of it attacking you, like you were used to unversed doing. You looked up to Vanitas afterward, to ask what he had intended to do to it, only to have the words die off at his expression. He looked _offended_.

 

    "What are you doing to it?" He asked in almost monotone, and you assumed it was to keep control.

 

    Now you worried.

 

    "Uh...its sad," you explained simply, like that would answer any and all questions he could have.

 

    "Its... _sad_ ," he parroted pointedly.

 

    "...U-um...yes?"

 

    You looked at him in concern, pleading with your eyes for him not to lose it to whatever the heck he was feeling right now. He breathed out slowly, and you realized he had been holding his breath.

 

    "Of **_course_** ," he muttered, a heavy complaint, before he turned and stalked off.

 

    You watched him, concerned about how he was feeling, wanting to make _him_ feel better too. He stopped next to a tree quite a way off. It was still. Until his fist rammed into the tree with a force that made you jump even from where you were. Poor Puppo started up crying again at the sudden shift. It had still been very sad before, but at least it had calmed down _somewhat_.

 

    _Oh poor baby-_ You went right back into comforting it again, all your attention on it, temporarily forgetting about the other one you wanted to comfort, the need of your new sad puppy baby too immediate and in your face.

 

    After you managed to get it back into a calmer state of sad (God, you just wanted this thing to be able to be, you know, _not_ sad, you felt so bad for it), you searched around for Vanitas. You didn't see him where he had been, and swiveling your head around, you still couldn't see him. You kept scanning closely, maybe you just missed him between the trees-

 

    Aha! You spotted dark movement between two trees farther on. You figured he must be pacing around the area, trying to process...whatever he was processing. Actually, thinking on it, it was odd. Why weren't _you_ processing more? You had just accepted this thing into your arms, not questioning it anymore.

 

    Well, it was because there wasn't much to question now. You knew _enough_ about how, and why, and _where_ it came from. Where. That was it. You practically adopted this thing instantly because it was a literal physical representation of the connection of both your hearts. Of the fact that he somehow let you make it _through_ him, because maybe he felt like you needed to.

 

    Or something. Who really knew. Well, you supposed maybe _he_ did, but... You didn't want to think about it anymore. You wanted to _act_. You got up and walked toward where you last saw him, still gently holding...whatever-it-was-to-be-named, careful not to jostle it. There was someone else you cared for deeply that you needed to comfort.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it. I did the thing. The thing that everybody does.  
> I made my own unversed.  
> I considered custom unversed to happen at some point in the story maybe, but I didn't know how or even if, then this happened. It just happened, like most things in this fic. I have a general outline, but as for the in-between, it's basically 'let me sit down to write this and see what happens.' So there it is! Woo! I guess? I feel so bad for it tho i just wanna hug it.


	37. Wanted (Too Much)

    You slowly walked through the trees, smoothing your thumb over the head of your puppo in a soothing rhythm. They had curled up into a sad ball, hiding their face in your chest. You hoped they at least got some comfort from you.

 

    You needed to clear things up and work out whatever this was with Vani, but even more than that... You had a burning question, now that you _really_ thought about the unversed possibilities here. Now that you knew he... _cared._ AHGH. You just wanted to slap your hand over your heart at the feelings that gave you, but you were currently holding puppo there.

 

    There was a salamander of burning hot curiosity running around in your brain, and now that you had the realization of how much closer to the unversed you were than you thought, you wondered if your subconscious picked up on that. If that was why you had compared your feelings to creatures sometimes, even before you knew.

 

    You came across Vanitas walking in an agitated way. He noticed you almost as soon as you saw him, shooting you an angry look for a second as he kept marching. You picked up the pace to get and stay by his side.

 

    "...I would like to understand why you're angry," you opened the door to discussion.

 

    He glanced at the puppy-thing curled up in your arms.

 

    "You still have it," he remarked, an observation.

 

    "Yyyes? Of course I still have it, I can't leave it alone when its so upset. Just look at it." You turned to show it to him as best you could while walking at a brisk pace. "Also, I'd like if we started calling them 'they.' Saying 'it' just sounds so mean. And we should name-"

 

    He stopped to round on you, and you broke off what you were saying. He glared you down for a moment, and you stared back, helpless, trying to understand where he was coming from.

 

    "' _It_ ' does not need a name. ' _It_ ' needs to go back where it came from. It can't stay here like this."

 

    You blinked rapidly to clear away hurt tears before they came. What he said just sounded so mean. You _needed_ to know where he was coming from, what he was talking about.

 

    "Listen...I...would really like to know why you're so upset. I'm trying to figure it out, but..."

 

    He huffed and leaned back into a more relaxed stance, thank goodness. It was sometimes hard to think when he got too wound up because of how unintentionally or intentionally threatening he became.

 

    "You can't keep it," he stated simply, like that explained things.

 

    "Okay, I hear what you're saying, but... _why?_ "

 

    You needed the 'why's here. He crossed his arms, looked away, thought about it.

 

    "It's... _unbalancing_."

 

    You were mildly confused for a moment, but quickly realized that could make sense, given how they, and this one in particular, could work for him. Then again, you wondered...

 

    "If that's the case, how did you go so long with so many in other worlds?"

 

    Shit, you asked before you could think about how it might be weird to ask about shit you weren't supposed to know, even if he knew you knew. Jiminy Christmas, complications. He stiffened up, gave you an uncomfortable look, before all the tension drained from him in an impressed sigh-laugh thing.

 

    "You got me. It's just _that_ one. It's different."

 

    You...'got him'? Did he just- admit to- both trying to trick you a bit, _and_ that he was impressed you called him out on his bullshit? ...You would have to comprehend this later, you had more pressing issues.

 

    "Oh," you acknowledged. "So..."

 

    You looked down at your puppo, sad that you might have to part with them. But it made sense. Explained all of his reaction, really. If it made him feel weird, because how it was created _was_ some weird heart shenanigans, and out of the ordinary for him, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility for it to make him feel... _unbalanced_ , as he said.

 

    "Then..." Fuck, you were sad again. "What do we do with them? I mean, I don't want _you_ to feel bad..." But... PUPPO.

 

    "It goes back where it came from. As simple as that."

 

    Reabsorption. You knew what he was talking about, but... _God_ , you hoped the novel canon didn't apply here. It didn't seem like it did, it never seemed to be a thing in the games, but you _really_ didn't want to cry again. Didn't want to _feel_ that again. Didn't want it to be true for Vanitas either.

 

    "Will it hurt?" You asked, to make sure.

 

    He went to answer quickly, but stopped. Had to think about it.

 

    "I don't know. I've never had one like..." He mildly glared at them in your arms. You held them closer protectively. "It _shouldn't_."

 

    Ah, shouldn't. The magical key word that could save or break nations.

 

    "Do...do we have to? I mean, _how much_ is this throwing you off right now?"

 

    You just didn't want to say goodbye. Your chest was starting to hurt again, over something you just met practically minutes ago. He glared at you, and you guessed you had your answer. You held your puppo up to your face and snuggled them.

 

    "Well, puppo, we have to go our own ways now." You were trying so hard not to cry. "I'll miss you, but we'll be okay. Right?"

 

    They got upset again, like they understood what you said, or could _feel_ your upset. Maybe they could. You thought that made a lot of sense actually. You started crying again, unable to hold it in when they were also crying about the same thing.

 

    Sam. That was their name. You just suddenly knew it in your heart. You cried harder, and so did Sam.

 

    Meanwhile, Vanitas looked surprised and offended, like he had been slapped in the face. Then he just generally looked _uncomfortable_.

 

    "Why are you...?"

 

    He couldn't even find the words.

 

    "Because you're taking away my precious puppy, asshole! Fuck, I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault."

 

    You were just really upset. To the point that you managed to yell at him through your tears. Hearing Sam wailing in as much upset as you also broke your heart and-

 

    "I just want a happy puppy," you confessed. "I want you to be able to be happy, Sam. It's so unfair," you told them.

 

    You snuggled them close again, both of you crying freely to try and get it out of your system, to calm down, to get a semblance of _not this_. You reached out to Sam with all your heart. If they were _your_ unversed, maybe you could...but that might hurt Vanitas. So you reached out to and through both of them.

 

    You heard him grunt through your concentration, and you just kept wishing with everything you had that everything would turn out okay. Then you felt like it was and you stopped. Opened your eyes in surprise that any of that could have possibly worked. Looked down at Sam. Your puppo. Your sweet unversed puppo. Who looked different.

 

    Lighter colors at the tips, less sad, more neutral looking eyes. They looked at you as if in wonder, and your expression matched.

 

    Then Vanitas collapsed. You were in a panic immediately, horrifically worried you fucked something up within him, down on the ground next to him, letting Sam go, who jumped around his fallen form, mirroring your worry.

 

    "Oh god, oh fuck, oh shit, are you okay, are you okay, fuckshit-"

 

    He wasn't responding, even when you shook him a little bit, gently.

 

    " _Shit!_ I-... I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have fucked with stuff I didn't understand, you even _said_ \- I was just- ...I was so selfish. I'm sorry."

 

    Sam whined in the background, starting to curl up again. You also curled up, next to Vanitas, holding his hand, not knowing what to do but try to support him through your heart until he woke up. Because he would wake up.

 

    He would.

 

    You waited.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader just wanted to help. To make things better. But they made an oopsy. ...At least Sam's okay?


	38. I Shouldn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Advisory: Horror Elements is now in the tags. Please be aware.

    Time passed. You focused what you imagined to be your heart energy on him, trying to help, as if that would. Maybe, you didn't know. If you had been the one to fuck things up inside of him to begin with, maybe you had to be the one to fix it.

 

    You occasionally looked over to Sam, who was still curled up, still there. Maybe they were sleeping? Except you caught them looking at the both of you in a worry from time to time.

 

    You imagined a giant clock in the background, looming over you, ticking menacingly. The longer he went without waking up, the more horrible you felt. Maybe the clock hands were all impatient mice, laughing at you. Maybe you were going crazy from worry, and exhaustion from trying to put your all into metaphysically supporting him all this time.

 

    You started to doze off, barely aware, completely worn out, trying to fight it even then. He shot up into sitting, and you thought you _had_ fallen asleep and were dreaming. It took you a second to realize you were awake, and that he was really sitting up now.

 

    You shot up yourself, a rush of feelings overtaking you, hugging him from the side before you could stop yourself.

 

    "Oh god, thank God, I was so worried, are you okay, I'm sorry-"

 

    You pulled back to look at his face, to take him in, see how he was doing, and froze, icy talons taking grip on your spine. His face was blank. Missing heart sleeping coma levels of blank.

 

    "V-vani...?"

 

    You felt dread slosh in your stomach, filling it up, and you almost gagged. Something was _wrong_.

 

    "I'm fine. What's your problem?"

 

    His voice was alarmingly flat, and he didn't look at you at all, didn't _move_ at all, not even his eyes. Like he was a robot giving predetermined answers. You went to shake him out of it, to ask him what was wrong.

 

    "Oops, someone broke their favorite toy."

 

    You stopped dead. You were slowly being choked by terror. That wasn't him. That wasn't you. NPCs didn't come out here. You didn't have any other character files loaded.

 

    But you recognized the voice.

 

    Your head turned toward it at a snails pace, not wanting to see, not wanting to believe. Maybe you _were_ dreaming. Except it was a nightmare.

 

    Luxu.

 

    Xigbar.

 

    Someone who shouldn't- _couldn't_ be here. He smirked down at you, someone who was in control of the situation and _knew it_.

 

    "Why the surprised face? Didn't expect to _see me here?_ "

 

    He gave a 'heh' of a laugh, amused by your lack of comprehension. You tried to speak his real name, but all words died in your throat. A sine note dropped to a lower pitch on top of you, and you couldn't hear, couldn't see, everything flooded with terror.

 

    "Now, don't act like you didn't expect this to happen." He started walking casually around you, to your other side. "We had to meet at _some point_."

 

    Your eyes were glued to him, the only movement you could make being to follow him, the threat he was. Your body slowly started shifting back in gear as he moved, the very real possibility of him getting closer to Vanitas presented to you. The very real _danger_ you both were in. Suddenly nothing mattered but protecting Vanitas. You would do whatever it takes. Even if you had to give your life.

 

    You were both scared by and pissed off at the grin on his face. He knew _exactly_ what he was doing. ' _Dangerous_ ' scrolled through your mind on repeat, not letting you forget for even a second what you were up against. Shaking in fear, you forced yourself up, to stand between him and Vanitas. You were terrified, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered but protecting the one you love.

 

    You were going to try to speak, but he beat you to it.

 

    "Let me guess, you're going to go on the usual spiel, 'what do you want,' 'what did you do to him,' 'why are you here.' That sound right?"

 

    Shit, you couldn't even ask your questions without him doing something. And you were so on edge, even his gesticulations made you nervous. You didn't want him _moving_. Or _here_ at all. But you _did_ have a question he didn't list. _How_ was he here? You were going to force yourself to ask, but he was already going on again, walking around you back over to the other side. _Damnit_ , _hold still...!_

 

    "Maybe what you should be asking, is what did _you_ do?"

 

    Aw, _hell no!_ He was not going to pull that bullshit on you! You tried your best to muster as much of a glare as you could, because that was some standard ass darkness villain bullhosiery he was trying to pull.

 

    "After all," he continued, "how else am _I_ here?"

 

    He boasted his last line like a proud trumpet, before he disappeared into darkness, letting another 'heh' hang in the air as he left.

 

    You were _reeling_.

 

**He couldn't believe they were that _attached_ to the thing. Were they even? Or was it just the influence of it, the proximity to it? He didn't know how it could affect them.**

 

**But then they started trying to ' _fix_ ' it, and him, and everything, and he realized they were _stupidly_ attached to it. He was going to regret this-...No. He wouldn't do it if he were. He just couldn't _believe_ he was doing it. He wasn't just going to _let them_ , he was going to _help them_.  
**

 

**So he did. And it worked. And it was stupid. Shouldn't have worked, been possible. He didn't understand how they did the things they did. The ground turned to light and shattered beneath him.**

 

**He tumbled and fell, unable to get his bearings or balance, landing harshly, flat on his back, bouncing from the force of it before settling. He was disoriented and out of breath from being slammed into something hard, but he immediately stood, forcing himself. He had to be ready to face whatever caused that, couldn't let his guard down for a second.**

 

**That was how you lose. He would know. Keyblade and battle stance ready, he sharply moved his eyes in every direction to find the source. This _thing_. Whatever caused it. He could see in darkness very well. It was his element. He could _sense_ something if it was in darkness.**

 

**But here there was nothing. _Only_ black. Not finding anything, still keeping his guard fully up, he spared a quick thought for _how_ this was happening. It was an outside force, that was clear. It had somehow altered reality, ripped him from-**

 

**...**

 

**There was no way.**

 

**But it matched.**

 

**He had to go through a lot, sift through and deal with a lot of emotions consciously to make what /Name/ wanted happen. It was new and different, completely out of his league, _difficult_. He barely managed it. Felt like he would collapse.**

 

**He glitched.**

 

**That's what this was. Wasn't it? Which meant, anything could happen. He couldn't lower his guard for a _second_ \- /Name/ walked by, holding the thing. He stiffened. It put him on edge, but he knew it wasn't real. He just had to wait it out.**

 

**But then more of them appeared, walking in random directions all around him. And he saw their face. Blood dripped from their eyes, and they carried on like it was perfectly normal.**

 

**One of them broke alignment to turn at a sharp angle, to approach him. They stopped, stood before him, petting the creature that they still held. They smiled at him, sweet. But their teeth were jagged and sharp, sticking out at angles they shouldn't be.**

 

**He gripped the hilt of his keyblade, trying to bare through this, knowing it wasn't real. They diverted their attention to their beloved creature, smiling at it sweetly too. Brought it to their face, snuggled it.**

 

**Slowly put its head into their mouth, forcing it in, the flesh of the creature tearing on their teeth. It didn't resist. They bit its head off. He heard the sound of it tearing. It's blood spilled forth.**

 

**It was then that he knew.**

 

**He was in far deeper than he thought.**

 

**He jumped back, away from the monster that had stolen /Name/'s face, feeling a kind of dread and horror he had never felt before. He felt bile rise in his throat, and he swallowed it back down. He couldn't get sick here. Not now. Couldn't lower his guard in front of this monster that could attack him at any moment.**

 

**It dropped the headless body of its companion, and it fell to the floor, landing in an angle it shouldn't be able to if it wasn't a lifeless corpse now. It looked at him like they were hurt by his actions, and he could see the insides of the unversed's head sticking out of its mouth. It started crying, like it was hurt, only the tears looked like oil, and its mouth was still opened around an unversed's severed head, its cries muffled by it.  
**

 

**He tried to hold it together, but he had never faced anything like this before. He noticed his grip on his keyblade _trembling_ , and he hated himself and hated all of this. Through the fear and disgust. He had to hold on to that. Hold on to _something_. Like /Name/. The one he would be back to soon, the _real_ one, not some imitation freak.  
**

 

**That was gone. Vanished out of nowhere. He just suddenly couldn't see it anymore, and rather than assume it had left, he dodged to the side, assuming it was an attack. Nothing came. He looked around. All the others were still there, frozen in whatever position of walking they had been in, their heads turned at a sharp and unnatural angle to stare at him.**

 

**He felt something terrible coming. He grit his teeth and gripped his keyblade hard. He had to fight his way out of this. He knew it. And he would. Whatever it took to get back to the real world again, whatever it took to get _out of this_.**

 

**It all disappeared. The black, the monsters, everything. Now he was in a white void. He turned to look around thoroughly, knowing it was a trick. He found /Name/ behind him, their back turned to him. He jumped away quickly, waiting for an attack. They turned to look at him. They looked normal.**

 

 **"** Oh, hey Vani, **" they greeted pleasantly.**

 

**He wasn't fooled for a moment. He started moving to strike them down, and froze. His mind telling him he was breaking his promise, that he was about to be an idiot and lose it all.**

 

**But it wasn't true. This was a fake. They looked so convincing, so normal, that his mind jumped in to stop him automatically. That was how strong the power of his promise to them was.**

 

**Which was a huge problem now. He could have fought the ones that looked like monsters without issue, _because_ they looked like monsters. Those things clearly weren't _them._ This one... It was so convincing, even if he knew the truth, that he stayed his hand.**

 

**He was terrified for a moment that he wouldn't be able to fight back, that that was how this _thing_ would win. But that was ridiculous. He shook out his head. No, no, he would fight back. He had to. And if they- _it_ attacked him, that just proved th- _it_ wasn't them.**

 

**They- _IT_ had been watching him passively the whole time. Now it spoke.**

 

 **"** Do you remember when you told me your favorite color? **" Its voice and manner of speaking was very convincing, but he held on. "** I know you were just humoring me, playing your part of the 'friend,' but...I still remember it. I remember it very fondly. I still- **"**

 

* * *

  **You can't.|**

* * *

 

     **What-**

 

    You jerked upright, why were you jerking upright, weren't you just standing, why-

 

    ...

 

    Sitting next to Vani. Unconscious. There was Sam, jumping up and barking at your sudden movement and fright. It... _wasn't_ a nightmare. No way. No way in hell. You couldn't believe it. _Couldn't_. **_Wouldn't_**. It felt dangerous to do so. It **was** dangerous to do so, you _felt_ it. You struggled to breath, choking on your own sobs of panic and horror.

 

    Sam jumped over to you, whining loudly, looking at you like they wanted to help before curling up and covering their head with their paws, whimpering. They were scared too.

 

**He jerked upright. Had he been knocked over? Did it blindside him with an attack he didn't see coming? Where-**

 

**...**

 

**He took in his surroundings. Back in the woods. /Name/, struggling to breath, scratching at their neck. He didn't even question if it was real before he reached out to grab their wrists, protecting them from themselves. Was it real? It seemed like he was back, like-**

 

**...They did this exact same thing once when _they_ glitched. Had they _both_ glitched at the same time? ...It was possible. ...What if it was a trick? His mind still felt fractured, like he had been through something that tore him to pieces, and now he was suddenly back here.**

 

**...He realized that wasn't far from the truth. He tried to take a moment to take everything in, to slot all the pieces back in place. He watched them, the _real_ them he hoped, and had another realization. The way they reacted when they glitched, the way they acted _now_ -**

 

**His blood turned cold. He had _vastly_ underestimated what they went through. Why they reacted the way they did. It was justified. He _knew_ that now, knew it too well. He had been callous. It was normal for him, but _now_ he felt bad about it. Just the few instances regarding their glitching though. He wasn't a sappy idiot.**

 

**Still... They... Hadn't gone through something similar...had they? If they had, they had hid it well, but he-**

 

 **"** V-...Van...i...? **"**

 

**He snapped to attention.**

 

    You tried to say his name. He was here. He was awake. He looked alive and not dead inside. He was here. He was here. _He was here_. He's okay.

 

    You didn't understand what was happening.

 

    But he was here.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap in.
> 
> Almost 100,000 words in and the main plot starts.
> 
> I hope you're fucking ready.
> 
> Thank you so much for your support on all of this, I don't think I would have gotten this far, this fast, without you guys. <3
> 
> Also, this fic runs deep. I put a LOT into this, from binary Easter eggs, to hidden clues, to hidden foreshadowing, to formatting, to even kind of referencing the freaking Japanese translation of KH3, etc... So I'm just really happy that you guys actually like it. It means a lot to me. That said, don't be afraid to give pointers or constructive criticism. I want this fic to be the best it can be. Okay, love you all, have a fantastic day *throws gift flan at you and runs away*


	39. He's Real (Warn Him)

    You went to hug him, because that was all that mattered at the moment, but found your movement restricted. You looked down at your wrists in confusion to find that he was holding them. You didn't even question it, didn't ask why. All you knew was that you found comfort in the contact. So you focused on it, trying desperately to get your shit together.

 

    "Not going to freak out again?"

 

    Oh. His voice speaking to you in a normal way was the best thing ever. _God_ , you were just so... You were a horse that saw another horse get killed violently in front of it. To say you were _spooked_ was an understatement. Vanitas being an empty doll with fake responses had scared you as much as fucking _Luxu_.

 

    _Fucking. Luxu._

 

    "I..." You needed to tell him. "I don't even know where to start."

 

    You tried to piece the timeline together. You were still so confused. But there was one thing that mattered more than anything else.

 

    "Are you okay?" You had to make sure.

 

    "Are _you?_ "

 

    That was a dodge of the question _and_ him openly showing concern for you. Two red flags in one. You must have both felt like shit, been through the ringer.

 

    "I'm..." Not fine. You weren't fine at all. But you were more worried about him. "I'm...alive. But are _you_...?" Okay? Please be okay.

 

    "So you _did_ glitch."

 

    It was like you answered a question you didn't even know he asked. Glitch...? What...?

 

    "No no no, this...this isn't..."

 

    "You were scratching yourself again."

 

    ...What? ...Oh. That would explain the wrists. Which he was still holding on to, and you praised him for it immensely, because he was literally your anchor right now. Even if he didn't know it. Maybe he did know it.

 

    "I'm just so confused," you admitted.

 

    "...I know," he admitted himself, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, he stared you dead on in the soul. "I glitched too."

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    wat.

 

    Nono, you heard him wrong, that wasn't physically _possible_ , you had read up on it, only people in the 'real' world connected to the program experienced that. Because sometimes too many powerful feelings at once from the user could overload it. Right? That was what you read. The characters were part of the program, so they didn't have that. It just reset them, fixed it. Right? Right? Right?

 

    Unless...

 

    Vanitas was a real person.

 

    ...

 

    It was too much.

 

    You ripped yourself away from him, off to the side to dry heave. You couldn't take this.

 

    toomuchtoomuchtoomuch

 

    all at once

 

    Can't.

 

    ' _He_ ' left you alone, and you were grateful. You couldn't take or handle him touching you right now. Ha, ha. What a far cry. What just happened?

 

    You thought about it after your stomach recovered from the initial upset. You tried, anyway. Your brain was fried. This wasn't possible. It had to be, _had_ to be, that, that, the program just had a problem that affected itself and the characters now too. Right? That wasn't far from possible, given everything.

 

    Right?

 

    You turned to look at him, _really_ look at him. He almost looked fully concerned again, like that recent time-... God, you were both a mess.

 

    Then a new possibility presented itself to you.

 

    What if-

 

    What if the program recognized him as a real person? You had always considered him real, for what it counted for in your book, even if many people disagreed with you, thought you insane. But what if his character file had progressed so much, that the _pro_ _gram_ couldn't distinguish him from a real person. Treated him as such.

 

    You thought you were going to faint. Everything felt light, lifted off the ground, and you were spinning- You let yourself fall over onto the ground fully, before you didn't have the choice. You closed your eyes, waiting for it to pass. Your stomach lurched at how out of place you felt, and you held back from heaving again.

 

    You could only take so much.

 

    "H-hey! What's wrong with you?!"

 

    Oh look who's concerned. That's nice.

 

    "I feel like shit," you informed him.

 

    Hey, here's a thought. What if the system glitching out for two people at once really screwed shit up and made you feel like crap? Because you felt like crap. But...was what you experienced really a glitch? Maybe, in a way, but you knew it was _real_ -

 

    Something small curled up into your back, and you heard a small, sad whine.

 

    Sam.

 

    OH MY GOD, SAM- You shot back up, trying to ignore the spinning and disorientation it caused, finding Sam, who had jumped back from you, startled.

 

    "Oh my god, poor baby, I'm so sorry for everything, are you okay? You're okay, you're here, wow. You exist still. You really exist." You speed out at them, amazed and enamored.

 

    You held out your hand to them, and they trotted over to sniff it, then headbutt it. When you knew they were okay with being touched, you started to pet them. ...This soothed your everything. ...OH MY GOD, VANITAS-

 

    "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU GLITCHED?!" You rounded on him.

 

    Poor Sam scampered back away at the sudden volume. But you were fully focused back on Vanitas now. He was in a much more neutral looking state now, seeming to have gotten over some of his worries.

 

    "...Just what I said."

 

    Yes, what he said indeed. But-

 

    "You-...you're not supposed to be able to-...do that."

 

    "Well, clearly that's wrong."

 

    Okay, yes. But-

 

    "Are you okay? OH FUCK I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT LUXU!"

 

    This was too much to cover at once...! But the most important thing, the immediate threat took precedence.

 

    "Listen, there's this guy, you know him as Xigbar-" Did he? "Er, Braig-" Did he? "Er, that guy Xehanort used as a lackey. Long black hair? That guy. Please tell me you know who I'm talking about. Eyepatch?"

 

    He stared at you hard, like he either didn't believe you, or was trying to remember something. You hoped to fuck and God that it was the latter.

 

    "I know...who you're talking about," he replied hesitantly.

 

    OH THANK GOD. You let out a great sigh of relief.

 

    "Okay, so, he showed up here, and he's fucking up some shit. I don't know how, or why, but-" You stopped to inhale deeply, having been talking so emphatically. "But he's-" You shuddered at the memory. "He's dangerous. What I would actually call the big bad. Well, maybe, at least second to _potential_ big bad- Look, just-" God, this was too much to cover. "Xehanort is chump change compared to him."

 

    _That_ got his attention. He had been giving you a hard, flat stare, but his eyes widened just a little bit at that.

 

    " ** _Wait_**. ... **Stop.** "

 

    He rubbed his hand over his face. Oh wow. He was having as hard a time taking all this information in as you were. You... Actually, had you _ever_ seen him look so openly overloaded? You tried to think back, but nothing immediately sprung to mind.

 

    Oh yeah. The guy just glitched and you were dumping all this on him. You should step it back. You'd already got the most important information out there anyway, so it should be okay.

 

    "Sorry. I-...I didn't mean to...overload you, I just, you needed to know right away, and now you know, so... You said you glitched? I'm really sorry I glossed over that, I know how terrible it is."

 

   He let his chin drift into his hand, looking away, and just looking... _tired_. God, you'd never seen him like this. You were worried. Movement caught your eye, and you saw Sam had come around from the other side. They approached Vanitas slowly, raised their head and watched him, but he was looking the other way. They settled in beside him. You were happy at least one other someone of a sort was on his side.

 

    "...How did he get in?" He looked back toward you now. "You said he's here. But _how_ is that possible?"

 

    It was simultaneously like he was trying to use logic to undermine you because he didn't believe you, and like he _did_ believe you and was actually asking.

 

    "I...that's what...I don't understand. He _shouldn't_ be able to be here. At all. At least, I think. Unless the glitching can do a lot more than I initially thought and pull in new character files temporarily. But...I really don't feel like it should be able to do that."

 

    "What did he do?"

 

    What a question. Hoh boy.

 

    "Uh...he spouted some standard sounding ominous villain crap. Like, 'woah, bet you're wondering why I'm here, why am I here?' sort of stuff." You both mimicked and mocked Xigbar's voice as best you could.

 

    "Did anything else happen?"

 

    Well, he was at least detective-ing alright.

 

    "Uh..."

 

    Ah, fuck, you really didn't want to tell him this bit. But it might be important down the line. You didn't know how, but you weren't going to underestimate or take chances on this kind of thing.

 

    "There was..." You swallowed hard at the memory. "You were there. Except...you _weren't_ there. It was like...you were some lifeless, heartless robot. It was like you were _dead_ but your corpse moved. And...talked..."

 

    This was harder to get through than you thought. You shuddered again and hugged yourself. You saw Sam lift their head up to look at you, like they sensed your distress and wanted to let you know it was okay. Which was a lot to get from a head raise and look, but it was what you got.

 

    You also got Vanitas' to have clenched fists and his attention to be on you much more sharply. He looked alert again all of a sudden.

 

    "And what...did this fake me do?"

 

    "...N-not much honestly. You sat up and I thought you were awake, but it was like you were still in a coma. And when you replied, it was a standard type of answer that you would give, but lifeless and really creepily...blank. Flat. I don't know how to describe it, like your voice box was being used but there wasn't anything behind it. ...That doesn't make sense. I don't know, it was just creepy and really concerning."

 

    "Is that _all_ it did?"

 

    The way he was staring at you, so intensely, it was like he desperately needed the answer. Like he needed a thorough and honest response, to the point that he was almost trying to force it out of you by somehow staring into your soul. You shrunk back under his scrutiny. There was already so much going on, you didn't need him trying to stare the life out of you, or whatever he was doing.

 

    "...Y-yeah, pretty much. You're kind of making me uncomfortable with the whole intense staring contest thing you have going on right now."

 

    He continued to scrutinize you for a moment longer, before leaning back again, narrowing his eyes at you a bit before looking away.

 

    "...You never told me what happened the second time you glitched."

 

    ...eh? What was with the sudden interest? Why did he care  _now_ \- oh yeah. He glitched. Fuck, you still couldn't get that through your brain, it was just so...new. As a concept, even. Wait, on that note...

 

    "You haven't told me what happened to _you_."

 

    "You first."

 

    "I literally already went first."

 

    "Do it again."

 

    "That doesn't even-" You breathed. If he could fuck with you a bit, that was probably a good sign. "Okay. Are you going to tell me or do you not want to talk about it? Because either way's okay, man. I understand that shit."

 

    Except, thinking on it now, _usually_ that would be okay, but now there were stakes, odds and ends at play that could mean something. Unprecedented situations that both happened at once. Which meant they could- oh who were you kidding, they were definitely connected. You waited to see his answer before saying anything more on it.

 

    He looked away, had a thousand yard stare for a while, closed his eyes. You were worried for him by that kind of response. Finally, he looked at the ground, eyes half opened.

 

    "I don't want to," he stated.

 

    _Now_ you were worked up into a flurry of worry. A tornado of thoughts of what he could have experienced, of how bad it could have been. You looked at him with open concern, reaching a hand out toward him, but not sure what to do with it, if he was even okay with contact right now. You didn't know what was going on in his head-

 

    Sam blatantly crawled into his lap, snuggled up, and looked up at him with a little yip. Vanitas stared at what was on his lap like someone just threw a still alive and floundering fish there. You held back from doing anything, waiting, letting it play out, trusting him not to throw the puppy across the continent or something. He continued to stare at Sam, almost looking offended.

 

    They stared back, with big, open, and loving eyes. You kept your 'squee's to the internal side, not daring to interrupt this. Your eyes were glued to the scene like it was your rapture.

 

    "...You're here."

 

    Vanitas finally deadpanned. Sam perked their ears and wagged their tail. God, don't die, don't die, don't even show that you're writhing from how _fucking cute this shit is_. The contrast of dark Vanitas against the cute as shit puppo in his lap was just... hhhhhnnnnngggggeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

 

    "...eeeeEEEEEEEE-"

 

    Both their heads shot up toward you. Oops. It escaped. You slapped your hand over your mouth to try to hide the 'e' and the absolutely stupid amount of grin you had right now. _ahugh_ _internal feelings overload_

 

    Vanitas face said 'you're crazy, but I'm starting to get used to it, and also, watching your weirdness amuses me, go on.' Sam just tilted their head at you. You gently glomped yourself over both of them as best you could given the position.

 

    "I love you both so much," you showered your affections on them.

 

    Sam yipped happily and leaned over to you. Your darkness dude was a little more surprised by the sudden love-dove show. He looked confused by the shift in tone, in that beautiful Vanitas way where his face was sharp angles and managed to also make him look offended. So you smooched him on the cheek, probably not helping his situation.

 

    His face started to reset itself down into a slightly narrowed-eye stare at you. Oh, good, he's accepted this. Maybe. Kind of. Hopefully. Remembering all the shit that was going on, you looked away and coughed, getting your face back into a more serious position, detaching yourself from them. Sam made a sad sound and followed you over to curl up in your lap now, looking very happy to be there.

 

    Honestly, you would have preferred they stay with Vani and support him, but what the dog wanted, the dog wanted. Unversed. Whatever. They were a lovable puppy to you either way, even if they didn't exactly look one for one like a dog. You pet them, and looked back at Vanitas with your game face on.

 

    "Okay, we need to figure out this shit."

 

    Go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I  
> Want Vanitas to accept his new doggo, because whether he knows it or not, that fuckin' puppo loves the both of them.  
> Oh, also, plot *runs after it*


	40. Dealing With It

    "Here's what we know for sure." Time to list some shit, baby. "Xigbar/Luxu is here, shouldn't be. Is doing who knows what fuck all. _You_ glitched for the first time. And both of these things happened at the same time. So. I think they're related. And maybe I kind of glitched too, also at the same time, and that's how the Xigster was able to talk to me. Maybe. Gah, I don't know, it's just all so weird."

 

    Assigning fun nicknames made the big scary guy less scary. So you were going to keep doing it, just to get your fear down. Not to a point of underestimating him, because that would be a big mistake. Not that you could probably even get to that point.

 

    "Why were you scratching yourself again?"

 

    Ah...that...was a good point.

 

    "I...look, it was really scary and rules of reality breaking and shit and I just freaked out, okay? It felt like I couldn't breath, so I guess I clawed at my neck for some reason."

 

    You went to feel your neck, move it around. When you focused on it, you could tell, but you hadn't noticed the mild pain over everything else that was going on. And the key word was 'mild.' Which meant you couldn't have done anything _too_ bad. Right? So that was good. Right? Fuck, you were questioning everything in your life now. You thought back to when that happened, tried to see anything beyond the panic, fit any pieces together.

 

    "Actually, wait..." From _before_ that. "I woke up. I don't remember falling asleep. And clearly you woke up after you passed out earlier...actually, wait, do you remember that? Are we on the same timeline here?" Or worldline. Ugh.

 

    "Is that what happened? I don't remember, I went straight into the glitch. But I _did_ wake up, and I didn't remember falling asleep."

 

    Something _bad_ started thrashing at the back of your mind. Like how you both _woke up_ after _not_ _remembering falling asleep._ There was no way...you didn't _drop_ , that was ridiculous. You were already in too many layers of shit, and how the fuck anyway-... But how the fuck any of this.

 

    You stored it away as a strange possibility. After all, with how weird and kerfuffled and disjointed and disoriented and-...with how _confused_ everything was, it could have just been a symptom of the glitch. Which brought up the glitch itself. You breathed.

 

    "Okay, so, listen. I know you don't want to talk about it, and if you _really_ don't, I understand, I won't push it, but... With everything going on, I think the contents of your glitch might be important. Maybe. Somehow."

 

    He didn't even glare at you at the suggestion. He was weirdly...passive. It made you worried and uncomfortable. What threw him off so much? You just wanted him to be able to feel okay and be his normal self. There was a long silence as he contemplated. You massaged Sam's ears to make yourself and them feel better. Sam was also acting as your anchor now.

 

    Vani's brow creased and he frowned. He did _not_ look happy. But in a more...sedated way, not with the angry energy behind everything that you were used to. FUCK, WHY WAS HE SO SAD? He was... _reserved_ , kind of like when he spoke to Ven and Sora in his final moments. You were on edge from it.

 

    "You first," he finally said, low and reserved.

 

    He...was going to talk about it? Perhaps? Although, 'you first'... Oh, he wanted to know about your other time, that's right. Well, it didn't hurt to tell him about it, and both of you having everything out there about this kind of thing was probably a good idea by this point.

 

    "Oh...I, um...to be honest, it was so...there wasn't much. Like, I don't...I can't remember it. Kind of. When I think about it, it's just a bunch of...confusing nonsense. I think, _maybe_ you were there, or had something to do with it...or, cinnamon...or, someone trying to talk to me, but it just didn't...nothing made sense. That's most of what I can say about it. Nothing made sense."

 

    "You can't...even remember it?"

 

    "Nope. I mean, I remember how it made me _feel,_ bad, out of place, confused."

 

    That was your side. You watched his downcast neutral expression carefully, waiting for him to say anything, or start his side. The word _melancholy_ came to your mind as you watched him. You didn't want it to be accurate.

 

    "I faced...an imitation of you."

 

    He wouldn't look at you. You noticed Sam suddenly perk up with their attention alertly on him, like they noticed something about him that you couldn't.

 

    "There was...many of them. All fake, all..." He stopped a moment, carried on like he hadn't. "Crying blood. One of those... ** _things_** ," he spat, "faced me. It-" He finally looked to you again. Looked back away. Hesitated. "You don't want to know this part. It did things. Then it was gone. I thought I was going to fight it, or all the other fakes, but everything vanished.

 

    Then it was white, and yo-" he cut himself off so harshly it sounded like he choked. " ** _That thing_** ," he snarled out with sudden volume, "talked to me like it was you. Like it could **ever** be you." The sudden emphatic, loud, and fast pace he took on startled you. He suddenly spoke with such hatred and venom toward this... _thing_. He took a moment, but it seemed like he barely calmed down. "Then I was here again," he ended sharply.

 

    He stood with sudden swiftness, almost jumped in the same motion, up to a thick tree branch, where he landed and _ripped_ one of the branches off. Threw it immediately after and chucked multiple fireballs at it. The sound of them rang out in the air.

 

    You jumped at all the sudden violence, shrinking in on yourself, over Sam, trying to avoid potential wood shrapnel. Thankfully it was all just far away enough from you. You had just a second to have the aware thought of if he made sure of that intentionally, before everything else slammed back to you and took precedence.

 

    _Crying blood...? Something so bad he wouldn't even tell you?_ _Fake you?_ And he had clearly been terribly affected by all of it. Jesus...what he went through...it was _horrible_. You stood up, ready to try to comfort him, holding an upset Sam, trying to comfort them too. You walked over to his tree, where he still stood on the branch, looking half deranged and enraged. Heavy breathing through bared teeth, sharp movement, wide, wild eyes.

 

    You thought maybe it best if you waited a moment- Sam yelped out to him. Your sight snapped to Sam. Back to Vanitas. Whose sight was now snapped to _you._ He jumped down right in front of you, mouth closed now, but still looking very much less than inviting. More like dangerous, pissed the shit off, and threatening. You started to back up, give him his space.

 

    But he was already closing in on you and you practically _ran_ backwards with a startled and scared shout, holding Sam close.

 

    "WAIT A MINUTE, REMEMBER THE PUPPY!" You screamed at him, trying to knock him out of whatever the fuck this was and whatever the fuck he was going to do.

 

    You had been backing up so fast to get away, you ended up ramming into a tree with your side, causing you to cry out in pain and lose balance, falling over, not even catching yourself because you had to make sure to hold on to Sam, to protect _them_ from the fall.

 

    You moaned loudly in pain on the ground, feeling your pulse strongly throughout your body, the scratches on your neck throbbing with it, feeling like they were worse than they were before. You lied there, trying to recover, trying to take stock. Sam. Was Sam okay? You let your arms fall limp, and Sam crawled out off of you, making very distressed sounds.

 

    You squinted your eyes open to see Vanitas a couple steps away, looking torn between being sick of your shit, and being slightly kicking himself for making you run into a tree. At least, you hoped that's what you saw. You looked around for Sam, found them by your side, and started petting them to try to sooth them. Poor bab needed happy pets. So did you, honestly.

 

    "What did you think I was going to do?"

 

    "I DON'T KNOW, YOU CAME AT ME LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?"

 

    "Trust me."

 

    Oh, fuck. That hurt. That hurt a lot. You let yourself drop back down fully onto the ground, resting.

 

    "Okay, look. We've been through some shit, we're both spooked-"

 

    "Speak for yourself."

 

    "AND...maybe we're both not reacting the best. Maybe you shouldn't full steam ahead on me like an industrial roller, and maybe I should give you more credit. Simple? Easy? Sound good? Right?"

 

    You wished you didn't have reason to doubt him. You _did_ trust him, but certain things took a long time to get over.

 

    "...Did you...call it a puppy?"

 

    You sat up, pet Sam, looked Vanitas in the eye.

 

    "Their name is Sam. And yes. They're an unversed puppo sort of thing. Puppy."

 

    You patted your lap for Sam to jump on so you could pet them better, but they were staring at Vanitas. They ignored you and trotted over to him hesitantly, lied down a few feet in front of him, lowered their head, then lifted their head back up to look at him. Like they wanted him to like them, but weren't sure where they stood and were afraid. Or just afraid of or apprehensive toward him after what had just happened.

 

    Yet they still made the effort. GoD, you loved that dog. 'Dog.' Whatever. Sam. Just Sam is good. Vani gave Sam the narrowed eyes, like he didn't want them near him.

 

    "Why don't you try petting them?" You offered helpfully, trying to speed along their friendship, if such a thing could be done.

 

    "...How did you do that?" He asked, almost in disbelief or wonder, shifting his attention back to you. "I don't feel their absence."

 

    'THEIR.' OOOOooohhhh, YOU WERE SO PROUD. Wait, what'd he ask? ...Oh. _That_.

 

    "I... I don't know? I just tried really hard honestly. I'm really surprised and happy it worked." Sam wagged their tail. "Did...you...? How exactly did it work from your end? Are you really okay from it now?"

 

    "I'm fine," he answered quickly, almost pointedly, like he didn't want you asking. "I just don't believe it worked."

 

    He looked back at Sam, narrowed eyes again, like he wanted to stare them into the ground. They looked back innocently. Tilted their head a little bit. Then stood slowly, walked toward him slowly. You were really surprised when Vani stepped back. He looked _incredibly_ apprehensive of Sam. Was he... _afraid_ of this puppy? You didn't know what to think.

 

    "Just keep your distance. I can feel you enough already," he spat at them, turning on heel to walk away and lean against a tree, looking miffed.

 

    You were surprised again. He said- but- ...Absence and other sense must have been different then. You started to get concerned when Sam kept walking toward him slowly, like they _really_ wanted his love, but knew just enough not to go bounding toward him. You stood up, closing a little bit of distance toward them, _juuuuust_ in case.

 

    " **Stop** ," he growled at them in command.

 

    They did. Whined sadly, lied down on their side. This was making _you_ sad. You went to them, and they lifted their head up to look at you sadly. You could almost hear, 'See? He's being mean to me. Make it better.' And god you wanted to.

 

    "Hey, it's okay, come here baby," you soothed them, lifting them gently, holding them in your arms again, where they snuggled their face into you, hiding it.

 

    You looked at Vanitas, who's face preemptively told you not to lecture him. You didn't. Because you understood he needed time. Even if it _sucked_ because you just wanted them to get along already.

 

    "...Okay, so, we all need some munchies and a break. And I just really wanna collapse into a bed right now. So why don't we all get some ice cream and call it-... Can Sam eat?" You asked Vanitas.

 

    "Only your heart."

 

    ...what. Was he serious, was that dark humor, was he speaking figuratively?

 

    "...No," he finally tacked on, seemingly satisfied with your reaction.

 

    "Oh," you lamented sadly. "Are you sure? That's just so sad."

 

    Deadpan stare. ... You coughed. Okay, that was that.

 

    "So I'm the _only_ one getting ice cream?"

 

    Something about that was sad. You guessed it was because you were used to friends in Kingdom Hearts eating ice cream _together_.

 

    "When has it _ever_ been different?"

 

    "Today!" You exclaimed hopefully. "You know, if you want to...maybe tryyy it?"

 

    He scoffed.

 

    "Not happening."

 

    "...okay," you agreed sadly. Super sad. ( _guilttriphim_ ) "What about anything else?" You asked, half hopeful.

 

    He gave you the flat stare again.

 

    " _Why?_ "

 

    "Because it's lonely to eat alone," you admitted and informed him.

 

    "I'm right _here_ , idiot."

 

    Wow. Firstly, he admitted to being your company (and friend, by extension), secondly... No, that was all you got from that, and it was monumental and great. You grinned at him, and you wondered if he had any idea why, or how he made you so happy all of a sudden.

 

    "Then let's go get ice cream!" You cheered, and took off toward town. Stopped. "Uh...which way is...?"

 

    You looked back at him. He rolled his eyes in exasperation. Pointed a direction without even looking at you, staying perched against his tree. You nodded and thanked him. As you made your way, he slinked away from the tree and started following you, quickly _not_ following you. Well, at least you had a guide.

 

* * *

 

 

 ~~~~~~Interesting. One wanted to be a parent, and the other wanted nothing to do with their new little rapscallion.~~

 

    ~~He could use that.~~

 

 


	41. Consider

    You walked slowly back to the mansion, so Sam could easily keep up with you, as tiny as they were. Well, tiny might not be right. They were very smallish, you could say that much. But it's not like they were the size of your pinky. You also ate your ice cream at a peaceful pace, infinitely relieved to have this reprieve. Vani walked just ahead of you, looking bored.

 

    Or maybe that was his peaceful face, who knew. Now that you were all headed back to the mansion, and you knew you were going to fall face first into your bed and rest the right fuck up, you took this time now to address some things.

 

    "Hey, Vani?"

 

    His head slightly turned and he looked at you through the corner of his eye before looking back. Which was more than you usually got, so you were happy with that. Now that you had his attention...

 

    "Since there're baddies afoot, I'm gonna be honest, I'm anxious about us separating tonight. Do you...wanna spend the night at the mansion? With me? Like maybe in the same room because I'm actually really freaked out about this?" You rushed the last part out at him.

 

    Sure, you had Sam to snug, but...as tired from all this as you were, you were also anxious, and Vani being there would help exponentially with calming you down so you could get proper sleep. Because he couldn't have something happen to him and go missing without you knowing if you could literally _see_ him in the same room as you. It would help a lot.

 

    He stopped. Turned to look at you like he was considering you as he thought about it. You realized something.

 

    "Ah shit. I don't have extra blankets and pillows. Or a bed. I'd like it if you straight up had a bed, because I don't want to throw you on the floor if you stay over, but uh..." You leaned in conspiratorially. "Look, I know you'd probably prefer your own space, but just for tonight, until we can get something set up, I'm offering you my bed. I'll try not to cuddle you if you want."

 

    You just really didn't want to be separated, and maybe you were coming off as desperate, but you'd had your fucking reality shattered. You both had. So yes, maybe you were being clingy, and maybe it was understandable. But Vanitas looked at you like you had said something incredibly stupid.

 

    "You'll have a harder time getting me _out_ of your bed than into it, idiot."

 

    ...

 

    wat?

 

    That was...blatantly honest. And you...he...

 

    "Are you saying... Are you saying you _want_ to snuggle??? BecauselistenyesI'mtotallydown."

 

    If you were both on the same page here, that was fantastic.

 

    "Call it whatever you want. ...Idiot."

 

    And he was walking again. The fact that he felt the need to tack on an insult after the fact probably meant he was dealing with his own admittance of the snug. And oh. _Snug_ was _going to happen_. You made a happy noise and trailed on behind him. When the mansion came into view, you realized something else.

 

    "Oh. Wait. I was gonna snug Sam tonight." Before you could even get out the rest, he rounded around to give you a sharp incredulous look. "NOW WAIT A MINUTE, I was gonna say 'Is that okay with you, being that close to Sam, because I know you're still getting used to them.' Not kicking _you_ out. ...So how about it?" You picked up Sam who was by your side and held them up so he could see how cute they were. "Cuddle pile?"

 

    Now he looked at you incredulous for another reason. Okay, maybe not yet for him. What are some other options?

 

    "Ooorrr, maybe, Sam sleeps on the opposite side as you? So you don't have to snug _them_ specifically?"

 

    Right? That would work? He seemed slightly pacified, but he gave Sam the stink eye before turning around and walking again. Like Sam was trying to steal all your attention away from him. Well. ...They didn't have to _try_ , they were a puppo. They were Sam. But that didn't mean _all_ your attention went to them. You just wanted to snug them _both_ , was that so wrong?

 

    You made a mental note to try your best to evenly distribute attention. Maybe give Vani some extra, because he had just been through some shit and was still adjusting to _that_ , not to mention to Sam. But you couldn't ignore Sam either. ...FUCK, THIS WAS HARD, THEY BOTH NEEDED SO MUCH LOVE AND SHIT AND YOU WANTED TO GIVE IT ALL. ASS. SHIT. FUCK. COCK. BARRELHEADED LIGHTSOCKET.

 

    But remembering what Vani went through made you want to give him comforting cuddles _right the fuck now_. You sat Sam back down gently, gave them a little pet. Then sprinted over to Vani like your life depended on it. You screeched to a halt beside him.

 

    "Look." You stated. "Can I give hug?" Simple. To the point.

 

    He gave you the standard look at your antics, but he didn't contest the hug idea. Rather, he rolled his eyes a touch, stood there. Which you interpreted correctly as 'yes.' So you slipped right up against him form, wrapped your arms around, and nuzzled your face into his neck and shoulder. As you stayed like that for a little while, you came to a realization.

 

    He didn't often hug back. He wasn't now. And you understood that it was a huge bound just for him to let you do this. And you were happy. ...But one day, you wished that maybe he would hug back. At least, just a smidge. ...Ya know?

 

    It was strange to think about the contrast. He had _no_ problems holding you close during... _cough_...but more casual interaction he wasn't used to yet it seemed. And that was okay. You gave him a big loving squeeze before pulling way.

 

    "Okay, I'm gonna go pass out in bed now," you announced, exhaustion telling you 'no more.'

 

    You turned, marched (slogged, really) straight to your bed. Did the aforementioned, barely aware of Vani, already there in the room, because of his _thing_ , and Sam, who had jumped up onto the bed, padded over your back, to curl up in the corner on the other side. Because they already knew the arrangement. Smart fuckin' unversed, you really...loved... _yaAAAawn_.

 

    "Make room, idiot, or I'm shoving you off."

 

    Fair. (was it? too tired) You moved. Just enough. As soon as he was in, you snuggled into his side as well as you could, already half passed out. You felt Sam snuggle into your other side, and you conked out, a happy snuggle sandwich.

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    You awoke abruptly, not sure why, quickly checking around to see if everything was alright. Sam shifted around, disturbed by your movement, but not woken up. You were surprised Vanitas seemed to still be asleep, since he seemed to wake at every little thing. You looked around again. Everything seemed fine. You were rested, and this was your perfect chance to disconnect and see if you could figure out what was going on from the other side.

 

    "Leaving already? You might give me the impression that you don't like it here."

 

    ...No, you were just in bed, not the forest. Not with smarmy asshole mcgee 6001. You stepped back, thrown off balance at the sudden shift. Tried not to freak out again. Key word, 'tried.' And you were trying. But this, this... _Xigzag McLad_ was still going on.

 

    "Besides, you won't find anything out there. Not when you can find all the answers you ever wanted _right here_."

 

    You had to fucking ask. Come on, man up, _say something_.

 

    "W-what...the fuck...dude?"

 

    Sure, it was a start.

 

    "You mean you haven't figured it out?" Xigzag Zebra mocked you. "I thought you were supposed to be smarter than that. After all, you've figured out _so much else._ "

 

    "...J-j-juusst...fucking...say something. That makes _sense_."

 

    Makes sense. But it didn't make sense. Just like a glitch. Was this really all...?

 

    "Now, we can't have you thinking like _that_. That's just misleading!"

 

    ...What? He smiled at you in that creepy Xigbar half face smirk. Didn't do anything else. Like he was waiting for _you_ to do something. 'Figure it out' maybe. Ha. Fat chance. You were confused as fuck.

 

    "L-...Luxu," you dared to say, watching him for his reaction.

 

    He gave none. Then,

 

    "Oh, sorry, is that supposed to be impressive? You _know_ things? Well, so do I, Siren."

 

    _...Shy...ren???_ Who or what the fuck- wait. ... _Siren?_ Like, sing-song to your doom 'siren'? He grinned, and you almost _heard_ 'correctamundo,' which didn't make sense, because you didn't say any of that out loud. ...Right? God, everything felt so... _off._ You definitely felt like you were in a glitch, your brain not registering things in as a 'make sense' manner as you would like.

 

    "So you don't deny it. At least you're self aware. That counts for something, right? ...Is that what you tell yourself?"

 

    His shift from his usual airy, casual speech at the end threw you. You became very concerned about something bad happening. But wait, what did he _say?_

 

    "OkAy, look. I'm gonna be real, man. ... _What the fuck? Anything_ _?_ I know were probably supposed to be on opposite sides or some shit, but...can we just... _talk?_ Like normal people?"

 

    He smiled a little.

 

    "Nope. 'Fraid you don't have that kind'a power here."

 

    ...UUUGGGGHHHH.

 

    "Okay, listen Zebra Man, where is _here_ , and _how are you making_ _'_ _ **here**_ _'?_ " You enunciated greatly in your frustration.

 

    He looked like he was pondering something. Then he did the strangest thing. He brought his ponytail around and inspected it. Flipped it back over.

 

    "Nope. Not a zebra."

 

    You gave him one _hell_ of a befuddled look.

 

    "............................"

 

    "............................"

 

    ...YOU WERE SURROUNDED BY MEN WHO LIKED TO DICK WITH PEOPLE. THAT WAS YOUR CONCLUSION. Okay, since he _clearly_ was so set on giving you nothing, two could play at that game.

 

    "Oh yeah?! What's your favorite color then, _huh?!_ "

 

    Yeah, got'em. Fuck that guy. He got a shit-eating smile.

 

    " _Ah-ah_. You don't have that kind of power here, remember?"

 

    "Stop flaunting your nonsense and-..." You didn't even have anything to say. You knew it was all fruitless.

 

    "So what will you do? I can't _technically_ stop you from leaving...but do you really want to take that chance? Leaving your favorite toy, here...with _me?_ "

 

    _That was distinctly threatening._

 

    "... _Why?_ Are you saying you'll hurt him? Why do you even want to do that?"

 

    "HA, _as if_. You've already got that covered plenty. I'm just saying, you never know what could happen. Now that he's _glitching_ and all."

 

    _Oh_. _So that was it_. **_This piece of shit, you wanted to bash his head in. If he DARED-_**

 

    " _Oooooh_ , there's the fire. But now the question is...what are you gonna use it for?"

 

    Everything shifted.

 

    You bolted upright, scratching at yourself, feeling like you were dying. You choked on your own pained noise. Then your hands were taken from you, and you couldn't look to see who it was, because the tears were falling too fast, and you couldn't- couldn't-

 

    You collapsed forward, a mess, onto whoever it was. Deep in the back of your mind, you were thinking of Vanitas, but nothing beyond that made sense. So that was all you held on to. You could barely even remember who Vanitas was, grasping at scraps, but you knew you needed them, whoever they were.

 

    Then everything was shaking roughly, and you thought you heard a voice, and all you could do was say a name.

 

    "Vani...tas..."

 

    Everything stopped moving. Then something warm and soft pressed against your gasping lips and it distracted you. It was gone quickly, and you breathed again. Felt like you could actually _start_ to breath. Like everything was reset, and light streamed in. You took a moment.

 

    "...Vani...?"

 

    "You **idiot** , you-"

 

    Oh, he was upset. You hugged him. Became aware of the long whine coming from Sam. So you looked over, and brought Sam to your chest with one arm, because they were smallish, and hugged Vanitas with the other. Perfect. Best of both worlds.

 

    ...

 

    It was silent and peaceful for a moment. You were grateful.

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    " _ **WHAT THE FUCK?!?!**_ " You roared in outrage.

 

    Sam made a scared noise and shrunk up.

 

    "Oh gosh, I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry," you soothed them, told them it was okay, let them down into your lap and gave them reassuring pets.

 

    Once they were okay, you looked to Vanitas. Who looked a very strange combination of pissed off and concerned. You put your hand into the hair behind his head to bring him in for a big fat smooch. You kissed the shit out of him. Fuck, you needed this.

 

    Sam made a curious noise. You broke off immediately.

 

    "Shit, sorry, Sam." You got up and opened the bedroom door, no questions asked, no prerequisites, all your attention focused on Sam. "Could you, uh..." You made a motion for them to go through the door. They raised their 'eyebrows' at you and tilted their head. " _Yes._ So please." They hopped off the bed and trotted out the door. "Thank you." You were so grateful they understood. Then again, they were _you_ in a sense. Kind of. So it made sense. ...Yep, it made sense.

 

    You closed the door ever so gently. Then all your attention shifted to Vanitas like a hungry hawk.

 

    "Make _hot fucking love to me. Fuck me into the ground_."

 

    If he looked confused before, now he looked _confused_ and taken aback.

 

    "What...is up with you? Didn't you just glitch again?"

 

    "Yes, kind of, which is why I need to feel something other than 'not fucking okay.' Also, threats were made against you, and I'm just so worried about you to a point of desperation that I want to be as close to you as possible."

 

    Honesty. He sucked in air through his nose at the information.

 

    "If I promise to fuck you into this bed, will you tell me what happened?"

 

    "Absolutely. I was here. Then I wasn't. Out in the woods. XigMcFuckFace was there again. Said some nonsensical shit, called me a siren, threatened _you_ , then I was here again and it felt like I was dying. 'Kay, done."

 

    You quickly step-march-jogged to the bed and tried to throw yourself upon him, to kiss the shit out of him, but he caught you and held you back.

 

    "...What if it makes you glitch _again?_ "

 

    You raised your eyebrows in surprise. Both because you hadn't thought of that in your haste and desperation, and because _he_ thought of that and he fuckin' cared about your well being. Why, he was almost _concerned_ for you, you would say.

 

 _Fuck yes_ , that just turned you on more. Plus, you just really felt like you _needed_ him right now, on an emotional level.

 

    "I _just_ glitched, I think I'll be fine. ...Hopefully. ...Listen, real talk? I really need you right now, man."

 

    Honesty. You didn't have it in you _not_ to be honest at the moment. Unless you were in a situation where you needed to lie to protect him, because some **asshole** was threatening him- Breath. Just breath. You let your forehead fall onto his. He let you. Apparently among his skepti-concern-give-in, give in won out. Thank God. You needed him and his fuck. And his everything forever, _fuck-_

 

    "I love you," your whisper ghosted across his lips.

 

    You tired to ignore the way his brow furrowed when you said that. You tried to kiss him. But he pushed you away. You were confused and a little hurt. Did he decide on skepti-concern after all?

 

    "...He said 'siren'?"

 

    You weren't sure if he was asking you or himself, he sounded so detached. You became concerned.

 

    "Y-...yyeess? ...Is that...important? Is that some code word?"

 

    He looked pale, almost like he was going to be sick. You went to give him room, but he was already pushing you away. He stood up, walked forward toward the door, vanishing in a dark portal before he even got there. You were in a frantic worry about him and about what was going on.

 

* * *

 

 

**He had never even considered it.**

 

**He should have.**

 

 


	42. Love

**Siren. It was a term he _knew_ , though he couldn't recall from where. He never questioned the _purpose_ of the program, why it existed, what it was supposed to do. He just accepted that it existed. He didn't put too much thought into account of the fact that _he_ was part of it. Because he felt as normal and alive as ever.**

 

**Now all those doubts he had about _them_ when he found out how much they knew were resurfaced. Except they had a new face, new identity, and they were more valid than ever. He had once thought of this place as a gift. One that they gave him.**

 

**Now...**

 

**He questioned everything. They said they had limited control, said they just 'put him here' because they wanted to meet him. His 'character file.' He never questioned the term before, figured that was just what it was called. But now that he was putting the pieces together, he thought there might be something more to it.**

 

**'Character.' Like something that didn't actually exist or matter. He always assumed he was a copy, some strange 'other' taken in a data form from his life. But how did that even exist? How did that happen? Things he kept away from his mind, didn't think about, for one reason or another. He didn't want to question. Didn't want to lose what he had.**

 

**But now he thought maybe he just accepted those things because something _wanted_ him to. Something he was unwillingly and barely wittingly put into. Even if he _thought_ he was okay with it. Because that's what it wanted him to think. But then, if that was true, why was he having this freedom now? Was it even freedom? He questioned everything he was and had ever known here.**

 

**Siren. This program.**

 

**Did it really make him feel things he wasn't supposed to? He thought he found something he cared about, but did he really? Did it force him into all of this? What _was_ he, really? And _did they know_ _?_ _How_ did they even know what they already knew? About so many people and things? _What went on outside of this?_**

 

**They seemed genuinely remorseful when they found out he was trapped here. Like they really didn't know.**

 

**He needed answers.**

 

* * *

 

 

    You paced rapidly, a blur of anxiety. You heard Sam whine loudly outside the door. They felt your distress. So you opened the door and they came right up to you, stood up higher using your leg as a support. They wanted up, to be held, you knew. You picked them up and held them close, sitting down on the floor. You two were a company of sad, supporting each other.

 

    You thought about everything. About what you should do. If Vanitas was going to be gone right now anyway, what if you disconnected? Took the opportunity? The thing that worried you was if LuDoucheGlitchyGlitch could unpause the program despite what you set it to. He said he couldn't stop you from leaving. So he didn't have full control. But he had _enough_ to make glitch bullshit happen.

 

    You had to be honest with yourself. Problems of this type were best solved _outside_. Where you could actually see what was going on and _do something_ about it. But you were incredibly worried and afraid to leave Vani alone in all of this. Shit. If you couldn't actively look out for him anyway, because he _left_ , _of his own volition, and he could take care of himself, you don't need to baby him, stop worrying, it's fine-_ It was not fine. And you worried. And that was okay.

 

    You just had to suck it up and take advantage of the opportunity while you could. You would be fast. Just in case.

 

* * *

**Disconnecting. . .**

* * *

 

    You set to work. The first thing you checked was the loaded character files. Nothing was different, new, or out of the ordinary. Vanitas still sat there in the folder, on his lonesome. Seemed okay, unchanged. But no sign of Luxu. At all. Which you thought was a little odd. But maybe that in and of itself was a clue.

 

    You checked all the online forums and support you could find. Looked for _anything_ , tried searching _anywhere_ for any tidbits about anyone else experiencing this sort of thing. All you found was what you already knew about the glitching. You sat back and thought.

 

    'Besides, you won't find anything out there.'

 

    He said you wouldn't find anything. But how could that be? You couldn't be the _only_ one. Unless... It was so rare that the only other few people were behind a language barrier. Or weren't posting about it. Or any number of things. After all, _you_ didn't immediately go to post about it. ...If you had to be the first, so be it.

 

    You went to the official support forum, made a post, kept it vague, didn't mention everything. You didn't want to sound _too_ out there, to the point that people thought it was a fake post or you were crazy. You just said that a character that wasn't supposed to be loaded was, and that their character file wasn't showing up as loaded.

 

    Hopefully that was enough to get the ball rolling. You considered using a translator tool to try to search for key words and phrases in other common languages, see if anyone in other countries was posting about it, but that would take too long. You'd taken long enough already, especially given how fast time could move in there. You needed to go back in.

 

    'Not when you can find all the answers you ever wanted _right here_.'

 

    Said the guy who wouldn't answer anything. Not jack shit. Or maybe he did, and you just needed to _really_ think about what he said. You could do that later, inside, because it might be important. But now, you had wasted too much time. You went back.

 

* * *

**Connecting. . .**

* * *

 

    Ah, Sam. Thank God you came back to holding them, it was comforting. But... Then that meant time didn't pass, right?

 

    "Hey, Sam, I didn't...go anywhere, or like, stay still for a really long time, or anything like that, did I? Time didn't pass weirdly or something?"

 

    They took their head out of being snuggled into your chest and yawned a big ole cute yawn. It made you happy. They looked at you. Lifted their ears, tilted their head. Of course, they can't talk. But they did seem fine and normal, so you assumed everything was fine and normal. You really hoped.

 

    "Have a nice trip?"

 

    FUCK. You set Sam down safely behind you, standing and rounding on him. This bitch. You gave him the eye narrow of all eye narrows.

 

    "Luxu. Good day," you greeted casually, managing to sound calmer than you thought you were, which was a pleasant surprise.

 

    "...Not worried? No questions?"

 

    Bitch, even if he gave you that opening, you weren't dumb enough to take it. You stared at him silently, waiting for him to say whatever the fuck he wanted to say, because clearly he wasn't here for no reason.

 

    "Ooo, that's a silent look for someone normally so talkative."

 

    You held your ground.

 

    "Why don't I talk to someone more friendly then? Hey. Sam."

 

    They-

 

    "BITCH I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU." Oops. "Shit, sorry, Sam, just, stay behind me okay? This is a bad man."

 

    They-

 

    "Oh, come on, Sam. We both know _you_ can choose what you want. You don't have to be _influenced_ by this one right here."

 

    "Said the guy trying to influence them."

 

    "Heh." Grin. 'Touche' expression.

 

    " _Bark!_ "

 

    Sam looked between the two of you, confused.

 

    "Look, Sam, why don't-"

 

    "Hey, Sam, why don't you come greet your new friend?"

 

    He was way too enthusiastic about this. Sam lowered themselves to the ground and put their paws over their head, hiding. You couldn't blame them. You were going to fix this _now_. You picked them up and put them outside the door, closing it as you told them it was going to be okay. Then you faced Luxu with a deep hellfire that you let blaze over all of your fear.

 

    "Bitch. Did you just. Threaten my dog?" Your voice was low and dangerous.

 

    "As if. I was trying to be friendly, but you're just _ssoo_...what's the word... _possessive,_ that's it."

 

    "What the fuck do you want?"

 

    You were done with his bullshit. He crossed his arms and leaned back, somehow looking more and _less_ casual. He took on a more serious expression, appraising you.

 

    "...Ever notice how you said 'my'? Like they're both your objects, toys that you own? And maybe you love them," he uncrossed his arms, started walking around the room like he was looking over Namine's drawings, "...but do you really think they love you back? That they're _capable_ _?_ Of course not. Not without forcing it on them. ...But you don't care about _that_ , right?"

 

    Wait. He said something like this before. You tried to think. ...Siren. Is that what he meant? But what did _that_ even mean?

 

    "Are you saying that they can't love? Because that's bullshit and you're bullshit. And _yes_. They are _my_ friends. And I'm _theirs_."

 

    Fuck, you were pulling out the Ventus deep cuts. You hadn't even meant to, it just naturally came out because it was true. He looked back at you from one of the drawings.

 

    "You really believe that they love you, don't you?"

 

    He _seemed_ sympathetic, but you knew it was all an act. He turned to face you fully.

 

    "Have you ever thought about what this program is? What it's really meant to _do?_ "

 

    Uh. Seemed pretty simple and straightforward.

 

    "Yeah, give people a chance to befriend some of their favorite characters. It's pretty kind, sweet, and neat, actually."

 

    There was a silence before he shook his head at you.

 

    "You are so far off the mark it's sad. How was this program _really_ advertised?"

 

    Well... _technically_ it was meant to be a romantic sort of simulation, but it was also the only thing on the market currently that let you interact with characters on this level at all. And you were okay with seeing where things went. Figured you would take it slow. Honestly, you just really wanted the chance to meet them at all. ... _Him_ , specifically. You just... You just...

 

    You wanted to save him. It was the sad and brutal truth. You wanted a happier ending. Why did you even care to begin with? Who knows, why does _anyone_ care for someone who's not even real? Well...he wasn't. But _now_...

 

    ...And maybe...maybe somewhere deep, deep, deep, _deeeeeep_ down... You wanted the romance, too. Maybe you wanted to love and _be_ loved. Wanted someone you cared for to be able to love _back_. Because you were a sad, lonely sack of crap.

 

    You knew all of this on a level you never acknowledged. Because you couldn't. It was too painful.

 

    But now you _had_ them. And you weren't giving them up. Unless...unless being with you made them unhappy. Then you would _have_ to let them go. Because if you didn't, then you never actually loved them. And you did. You really did, with all your heart.

 

    You loved Vanitas.

 

    You loved Sam.

 

    You...were lonely without them. Vanitas especially, even if you didn't want to pick favorites. But you had known him longer, come to love him... _differently._ _Deeply._

 

    Everything's blurry again. Why...does it hurt?

 

    " _There_ it is. You already knew. You just needed a little push."

 

    You sobbed.

 

    You cried.

 

    Because they didn't love you.

 

    They _had_ to.

 

    Or the program had failed. When things _didn't_ go its or your way, it just patched it all up, created a new pathway where it _did_. To meet an end.

 

    The end of you feeling loved, even if it was all fake and forced.

 

    You heard Sam yowling loudly and scratching at the door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SOBS VIOLENTLY*
> 
> 100,000
> 
> Fuck.


	43. ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up again.
> 
> Trigger warning:
> 
> References to non-consent

  **He came back to something he didn't expect at all. The sudden screaming in his ears was terrible, like someone saw a beloved get brutally killed in front of them. It came from /Name/, who was hunched over on the floor like they were in pain, gripping and ripping at their own clothes.**

 

**He also heard Sam through the door like they were being _murdered_. Then he _felt_ everything, through Sam, or through /Name/ directly, he couldn't tell. The sudden flood had become something he wasn't used to. He didn't know how to take it.**

 

**He shouted in pain and punched the nearest thing, his fist colliding with the wall and staying firmly pushed against it as he tried to sort through everything. He forced everything down as quickly as he could, shutting down the channels he was receiving it through as best as he could manage. He couldn't shut it off completely, but he acclimated and numbed to it, shoving it into the background. He had experience.  
**

 

**He also _had_ to, there wasn't a choice. After he realized who it was coming from and everything it _was_ , even coming off of his realizations and doubts, he found some of them squashed. Utterly trampled. They were suffering and he could do something about it. That was all that mattered.**

 

**Almost as an afterthought, he opened the door to let Sam in on his way to /Name/, because he knew that would help them, and because he _felt_ Sam's desperation. Their caterwauling was also exceedingly annoying to his ears. Sam ripped through the door the second it was open enough. He thought they would go right to /Name/, but they instead started trying to jump up to him, continuing their distressed calls. It was like they were screaming at him to do something.**

 

**He didn't know what to do about them, so he made his way around them to /Name/, who was a crying mess and didn't seem to either know or care that he was there. The closer he got, the stronger the connection of their despair and anguish became. He hated feeling it, and his first instinct was to kick them in the face to shut them up, but that wasn't something he could or even _wanted_ to do after the initial feeling passed.**

 

**But now he was stuck here, having no idea what to do, what even caused this, even if he felt what it was about, and an annoying mutt was dancing around him yowling, and he was being pounded on all sides by intense _loss_ and-**

 

**" _Would you shut up already?!_ I'm right _here!_ "**

 

**His keyblade was in his hand, and he didn't even mean to summon it, but he had had it up to _here_ , and he threw it in a direction hoping it would stab something. It smashed through the window, shattering it, and he felt marginally better.**

 

    _Lots of noise_

 

_He's yelling at you again_

 

_Do you care?_

 

_Wait... he's here?_

 

    You tried to look up, to see anything, but you found you just didn't care. Nothing mattered. Xigbar could be right in front of you, about to stab you, and you just wouldn't care. Nothing mattered. Or, _you_ didn't matter, was how it actually was. Vanitas, Sam. They mattered a lot. To you. To a lot of people, Vanitas mattered. _You_ didn't matter to anyone. Not actually.

 

    In fact, you were worse than just not mattering. You had forced things on someone. Someone you were _supposed_ to care about, but how could you do this to someone you loved? You could think you really didn't know, that you hadn't meant to, but what if you had? You didn't even know, weren't sure. What if you were a terrible person deep down inside? And you just kept it hidden, even from yourself?

 

    You just wanted to help.

 

    You thought.

 

    Someone forced your head up and you found that Vanitas was kissing you. No, he couldn't do that, it wasn't real, it was forced, there wasn't _consent_. _None of it_ had _consent_. You shoved him away from you as roughly as you could, then started heaving. It was one of the worst things you could have ever found out about, and you would have vomited if there was anything to come up, so you just gagged over yourself and spat out the excess saliva it caused.

 

    "I'm sorry," you choked out pathetically, but no amount of 'sorry's could ever fix this.

 

    There was silence for a while.

 

    "Stop being-" 'a pathetic heap' would have been appropriate, but for some reason he didn't say it. "...Tell me what happened."

 

    a HA. a HA. You tried to gather yourself up enough to form the sentences you needed to say.

 

    "I-" You couldn't even bring yourself to think the word. "I forced all this on you. I want to think I didn't mean to, but what if I did? Everything here... ha ha. Now I'm trying to explain myself and make myself seem sympathetic. I don't deserve sympathy. I deserve nothing. You should just smash me up with your keyblade like you were meant to."

 

    It was the truth. It would have been better if he bashed you in like he was supposed to when he had the chance. Except he didn't have the chance. You didn't give it to him. You wanted to be easy on yourself and say the 'program' didn't give him the chance, it was all the 'program's fault, but...who put him _in_ the program?

 

    You half expected him to just do it now. You deserved it after all. So why wouldn't he? Oh yeah, the program. He didn't _have_ freedom. You wondered if there was a way to turn that part off, to free him. It certainly wasn't a setting you ever saw-

 

    You could load.

 

    Erase all of it, set him to a point where he was free _-_ _er_. Then shut it all down. Because if he could do that to you in the first place, that meant he had to have _some_ freedom at that point, right?

 

    "Why don't you at least tell me _why_ I would do that?"

 

    _Oooooh_ , you weren't clear enough. He deserved the truth.

 

    "I...I _knew_ deep down that this program was meant for more... _romantic_ _type_ encounters. So of course it has to force that on you. You don't _actually_ love me. Feel _anything_ for me." You were crying again, and you hated yourself so much, because you didn't even deserve to cry, why were you crying, it was _your_ fault to begin with.

 

    'What if it was a mistake?' Your mind whispered to you. Oh, how loving and nice your mind wanted to be. Maybe that was the problem in the first place. Maybe it was selfish about it.

 

    You really wanted him to break free of the programming, to gain back his freedom, to be who he _was_ , who he _really_ was, free. To rip into you. It wouldn't make up for it, you had hurt him in ways you could hardly imagine, but maybe it would make him feel better.

 

    Or maybe it would just make _you_ feel better. Selfish until the last, huh?

 

    It was silent. You couldn't look up at him, didn't even deserve to. But when you paid attention to the ground, you noticed something out of the corner of your eye. You were drawn to it, for better or worse.

 

    Sam lie unmoving, dead still, eyes staring at nothing, not blinking, not moving.

 

    You cried again, not caring if you did.

 

    Because you _mourned._

 

    You mourned everything.

 

    Everything hurt.

 

    You wanted to die.

 

 **What was he supposed to do with that? Everything he felt, any kind of semblance of happiness that he had with them...it was all fake? Even if it made him feel better. Did it matter? It was all fake. So it didn't. ...But it _felt_ like it did. ** **Because it _felt_ real. So was there even a difference? What the hell _was_ he? Was he all fake? Was he all real? He couldn't tell the difference.**

 

**What did that make him?**

 

**He was trying to work through it all, and he still felt _terrible_ things from them, self-hatred, complete loss, extreme guilt and regret, heartbreak, mourning... All intense enough to the point that he could still _tell_. Even after he felt more in tune with them through that special unversed, Sam, he felt like he would still be able to tell even without them. Very clearly.**

 

**It made him not hate them for this. Knowing how they felt. _Feeling_ how they felt. All emotions he was very familiar with, that he understood well. Related to on a deep level. But he still didn't know how he felt as a whole. How he was _supposed_ to feel. What he _actually_ was, without the program. If it even mattered if he _was_ the program.**

 

**His head hurt at thoughts like that. At the idea that he wasn't his own person. ...When did he start thinking like that? He didn't used to think of himself as a whole person. Over the years, it faded as he gained his own identity, but even until recently... And was _that_ real?  
**

 

**He was having enough hurt on his own _,_ combined with _theirs_ , he-**

 

**He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know what _to_ _do_.**

 

**Then they looked over at something next to his feet. He had been so focused on them, on trying to fully understand what they felt, to see how he felt about _them_ , to trying to figure out his own existence at the same time, he hadn't noticed.**

 

**He couldn't sense Sam anymore. Not even when he tried. And now they seemed _dead_ at his feet. And /Name/ had noticed. A fresh wave of _terrible_ crashed into him, and they were crying again. Loudly. Freely.**

 

**He couldn't take this. He felt panic, he didn't know what to _do_ , what was even _happening_ , it was too much... He wanted to flee. He heavily considered running away, but he still _cared_ too much. Didn't want this to be happening, didn't want their suffering, or to leave them alone with it. Did it matter if it was real? It was real to him. Did that make it real?**

 

**Did it matter?**

 

**Did it _matter?_**

 

**It should.**

 

**But he found that in that moment, he was what he was, and he wanted what he wanted. He was hopeless to his own heart. Whether he wanted it or not. Whether it was real or not.  
**

 

**He crashed to his knees beside them. He was at a complete loss. Even if he wanted to make it better, he had no idea how. He was a wreck, and all he had was his confused heart, so he let it do all the talking, but even it was at a loss.**

 

**He noticed that it was Sam they were currently crying over in addition to everything else. Maybe... If he could fix _that_ at least... Fix _them_. _Sam._ He reached out to pick them up, finding himself not as steady as he wanted to be. He pressed on regardless, bringing their limp body over to him. /Name/ was too busy _suffering_ to notice.**

 

**He was uncomfortable even making such an openly affectionate gesture, but he brought Sam up to his chest, where he held them close to his heart. Closed his eyes and concentrated.**

 

**...**

 

**They started moving and made a noise, like they were startled awake. He looked down at them in surprise that it actually worked, and that quickly. They looked bleary eyed and exhausted, letting their head fall back onto his chest.**

 

**He did it.**

 

**He felt a strange surge of positive emotion. It conflicted _horribly_ with everything else already there, and would have been more than enough on its own. He dropped Sam to clutch at his chest in pain, grunting as he fell to the floor.**

 

**It was too much.**

 

**All of it.**

 

    Everything numbed out. Everything was gone. You were completely spent, even though somehow everything still hurt, and you still cried weakly with what little you had left. How long had you been on the floor? You thought you saw something dark and red on the floor next to you, but everything was so blurred...you couldn't keep your eyes open.

 

    You didn't notice Sam drag themselves to you, sticking out their paw so it touched your hand.

 

    You were already gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *EVEN VIOLENTER SOBBING*
> 
> So to help, here's a great song that I've listened to for a while and thought of as kind of the theme song for certain parts of this fic. Along with a playlist it's in that has great songs if you're into that genre, because we could all use a pick me up right now, fuck. The one after is a happier bop, enjoy if you want.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=die0ZEGXHJw&index=3&list=PL9BCA60EEB1C8893D
> 
> I'm always reminded of different characters and stories from music, fics included, so if you have any tracks that remind you of Vanitas or KH in general or something, feel free to post, we can all help each other out here with music XD *thumbs up* *trying to hide the tears*


	44. Vanitas

**He lie defeated for many long moments, consumed and overwhelmed by _too much_. Everything was too much. Then suddenly he realized he could think properly again, and it felt like he was reset. Given the chance, he instantly sat upright and scanned the room to take stock.**

 

**So that's why it got better. They passed out. Even their sleep was fitful and unpleasant, but it was leagues above how it was before. Finally. He could breath and think. He took note of Sam, as they were paw to hand with /Name/. The important thing was that they were just sleeping, and otherwise mostly fine. There would be emotional scarring, but they weren't comatose like before.**

 

**He had to be careful it didn't happen again, for /Name/'s sake, but with how /Name/ currently was, that would be easier said than done. If this was the result of them thinking they lost him, or that he didn't care...or that his care wasn't _real_ (he still didn't know, and it still felt terrible)...then that meant they cared for him far more than he could have ever anticipated.**

 

**If it counted for anything...at least he knew how _they_ felt was real. And very strong. It made him want it. Want to have it, want to keep it. Doubts reared up when he 'wanted.' But the fact of the matter was, he wanted what he wanted. And he wanted _them_ , despite all of everything. He just couldn't help himself. Maybe that was a bad sign. Maybe he could figure it all out later. Because thinking about it so close to everything else that happened made his head hurt.**

 

**Fuck it anyway. ...That was something that they would say. Shit. ...That was also something that they would say. ...He needed to stop this, get his mind out of this funk. He stood and left the room, leaving the door open so he could tell when they awoke or if anything went wrong. Having more space, he started to move, practicing certain motions and strikes. Anything to get him out of this mindset, to give him back control.**

 

**He really started to wonder what triggered them to have such a reaction in the first place. His guess was on another glitch or Xigbar encounter. He didn't have much experience with the other chosen, but if Xehanort picked them, he would bet that they were crafty. Could sow doubts.**

 

**He wasn't even sure he should ask again after they were awake. He felt it was more important to stabilize them first. That would be the first priority. He didn't want a repeat. For the first time, he was actually really worried about the caustic part of him they held. What it was doing to them now, what it _could_ do. How much harder it was going to make this.  
**

 

**Then he had a thought. It was a strange one, and he wasn't sure if the thought itself or the fact he hadn't thought of it before now was more ridiculous. It was darkness. But it was _his_. Would it be possible to have some control over it even after it left him? Because it was still part of him just as much as them now. Just like their part that he had. It was still all themselves...but _shared_. Connected. **

 

**It wouldn't hurt to try. It shouldn't, when he was trying to do the _opposite_ of hurt, for one of the first times in his life. It was remarkable and odd how much he attempted it with them.**

 

**Only them.**

 

   Everything hurt. It felt like there was a gaping wound in your chest. You wanted everything to go away. Everything to stop. To stop existing.

 

    Just stop it.

 

    Then you remembered. You drew in a shaky breath.

 

    You didn't.

 

    You couldn't.

 

    Sometimes the human brain couldn't process that much hurt. You just wanted everything to stop-

 

    " _Yip_."

 

    ...Why was your brain telling you you heard a dog. That- Something sloggishly pushed itself into your side. You should check. Should you? Was that a bad idea? What would you find? It might be bad. Did you care? You could just leave it. You didn't care to-

 

    " _Mip_."

 

    ...

 

    Sam. ...Why? Why would your mind torture you with that name? Oh right, deserving. ...You found you didn't even care to be deserving anymore. Just stop it. Stop everything. It hurts too much. Can't take this. No person should ever have to feel-

 

    "You're awake."

 

    ...And it just got worse. Shit, you forgot you were even still here.

 

    "Stop it with your pointless self-induced suffering. You don't have to hate yourself that much. ...And it annoys me. So **stop it**."

 

    Why was he even talking to you-... ...What did he say? It didn't make sense. You were scared. You curled in on yourself more, but that just put you closer around...something. 'Something' made clumsy movements toward your face, and it made your fear spike, but all it did was bump its nose against you. Or...snout.

 

    "You haven't lost either of us. And what you're feeling, I also feel, when it's this bad. So if you would be so **kind** as to calm yourself down. I thought that was your specialty."

 

    'Either.' You barely registered what he said after that. Because that meant what was trying to cuddle up to you _was_ Sam. And you had been letting them. You thrust yourself away from them with sudden movement, terrified and guilt ridden that you had let that happen. You weren't supposed to be letting this happen anymore.

 

    They let out a sound that was filled with pain, like they had been _kicked_. It resonated in you and a fresh wave of tears and pain overflowed. Through it all, you heard a grunt that turned into an aggravated growl. Vanitas stomped over to you.

 

    "You're **hurting** them. Can't you see that? _**So stop doing this**_ **,** " he growled and ground out and spat at you.

 

    You... You didn't understand. Didn't understand. Hurts. Confused.

 

    "...What do I have to do to make you feel better? Because you're-... Just _tell me_ what to **do**?"

 

    Don't understand. Don't understand. Shouldn't they- ...Why did you forget? They're forced to do this. The only way to fix it-... It hurt. But if you didn't do it now, it would somehow hurt even worse. You knew it. You loved them. So you had to do right by them. So-

 

    Something latched on to your arm.

 

    " _Don't._ " Desperate.

 

    For the first time, you looked at his face. You had to blink tears away in confusion to even see him properly. He had that look again. Like the last time you were going to leave him. He looked openly _desperate_.

 

    Don't.

 

    Don't make you feel it again.

 

    Because you felt it again.

 

    Except this time it was so much _stronger_.

 

    And he was reaching out on purpose.

 

    And he was confessing that he _needed_ you.

 

    Practically confessing that he loved you, even if he hardly understood the feeling.

 

    And you couldn't go through with it.

 

    Again.

 

    You hated yourself.

 

    You couldn't even help it when you latched on to him, brought him as close to you as possible, and cried. Couldn't help that when he actually held you back, meant it, it made you feel _better_.

 

    You were pathetic. The worst. Selfish weakling. That was all you were.

 

    And you couldn't help it.

 

    You hated yourself.

 

    But you _needed_ him.

 

    As much as you _felt_ that he needed you. And you couldn't help it. And you didn't know what to do but cling to him like he was your life, because he was.

 

    You let everything go, let all of it out in his arms. You couldn't help it. This was what you were. For better or worse. And the same went for him.

 

    Time passed, and you found you never ever wanted to be outside of his hold and care again. Not ever, ever again. It would destroy you. ...But. If one day. For some reason. Whatever he was. Whatever programming he had in him. If it changed, and he really, truly wanted you gone, you would go. And you would die.

 

    It hurt so much to even think about. You thought you were done crying, had gotten all of it out, but just that thought alone made it start up again. It was weak, because you were _exhausted_ , completely drained, but it was there, and you just wanted all the hurting to stop.

 

    You let out a weak noise of surprise, and it came out as a very sad sound given your current state, because he started kissing you. And not on the lips. He started pressing caring, deep kisses to your face. Lifted you up more so that he could keep pressing them in a trail down your face and neck.

 

    You didn't even question the open display of affection from him. You didn't have the energy to. You were just _delighted_ in how good it felt to have him do that. And guilty. Still, it lingered. You just didn't have the energy to fight this anymore. You couldn't. You just wanted to have him, to be able to love him freely. Fuck, you loved him.

 

    You weakly raised your hands to run them through his hair, and they shook as you did it. You really were truly and rightfully shaken up and drained of energy. You keened in satisfaction at his loving treatment, and it still came out a sad and pathetic sound.

 

    He let you back down to sitting in his lap so he could take hold of your wrists and bring them back down, just holding them, supporting them. Now he was kissing you on the lips, and you were overwhelmed with how _fucking_ slow and gentle he was being with all his movements. You weren't used to it, were overcome by how much he could fucking be like that if he wanted to. And he wanted to. Only for you. You knew he was doing it _for_ you.

 

    You had to break off, crying again. The absolutely pushed-far-past-your-limit state that you were in had any emotion make you cry. He didn't question it, he just put your wrists back down and went back to holding you, silent the entire time. Nothing needed to be said. You tried to simply breath and calm down, unable to even hold yourself up any more at all, going limp against him.

 

    You were officially _completely_ out of energy. You didn't even have it in you to cry anymore, everything from you going away except for shallow, slow breaths. You felt him shifting, and let him move to carry you into the bed. You couldn't have stopped him if you wanted to, and you didn't want to. You just let him take care of you, because you were _done_. Who else was going to do it? And you didn't want anyone else to do it.

 

    Lying on the comfortable bed, your eyes were firmly staying closed, and you were half-full-shutdown already. You felt Vanitas next to you. Felt him shift. Sigh.

 

    "Get up here, before I change my mind."

 

    One of the happiest noises you ever heard reached your ears, and it was like Sam saying 'Yay!' while barking. They wedged themselves snug in between you and Vani, and you were too out of service to go to snug them back for now, but you had the first genuine smile grace across your face for what felt like forever. Then Vani draped his arm over you, and by extension, Sam, because they were in the way, and you were starting to remember what happiness was like.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK
> 
> GOD
> 
> THANK
> 
> FUCK
> 
> :')))))))
> 
> Okay, happier shit, now I can properly celebrate 100,000, WOOOOOOOOOOO *CONFETTI, BITCH* *EXPLOSION OF SPARKLES, BITCH* *FREE FOOD AND SHIT...BITCH* Ahhhhh, this is nice. Can we just stay in this happy forever? K, great. Love and hugs all around, I hope you have a FANTASTIC day! <3 :)


	45. What do we do? Where do we go from here?

    When you woke, it felt as if you were coming out of a long and deep sleep. Yet it was still as if you hardly slept, exhaustion and just feeling _bad_ spread across your body. It was as if you had had a horrifically bad day- ooooooh. You took a minute to let everything sink into your brain properly.

 

    It was as if Sam knew exactly when you finished, because they stood up and stretched from where they were curled into your side, having to shimmy out from under Vani's arm first to do it. You were surprised to find everything much the same. You couldn't tell if he was still asleep or not, but his arm was still draped thusly.

 

    Sam made their way to your face, where they _snoot booped you, holy ssSHIT-_ You gasped a big gasp, one of pure pleasant surprise adoration. Everything felt a little better suddenly. You let out a prolonged high pitch 'e' and sat up to hold them and bring them close for proper cuddles. You smiled widely, and the contrast from yesterday hurt.

 

    If Vanitas hadn't been awake (which you suspected he probably was anyway...or maybe he needed as much sleep as you after that exhausting instance...now you weren't sure), he certainly was now, having jerked up at the abrupt 'e'ness. While snugging Sam to your face, you made their paw wave at him and bid him "Morning."

 

    He suddenly looked like he wanted to punch something harshly, and you thought maybe he was suffering from cuteness overload, or, for a terrifying second, that he hated you. Or maybe he was pissed about yesterday. You supposed you couldn't really blame him, you were still very off balance from it too.

 

    He looked away with a sharp jerk of the head, glaring a hole into the wall, huffing out a sharp burst of air from his nose. You thought maybe you should amend your greeting. Perhaps he would appreciate it.

 

    "...'Un'morning?"

 

    He looked back, and it seemed that he was conflicted about something. In an almost painful way. You considered putting Sam down and giving him a hug, but depending on what he was conflicted over, maybe that would just make it worse. So you asked what was wrong, because there was a lot of wrong you were all dealing with, but needed to know the more specific thing in this moment so you could hopefully help.

 

    "Um...are you okay? What particularly is wrong, and can I help?"

 

    He did a strange thing. He raised his hand quickly toward Sam, lowered it back halfway, then moved again to get his hand closer to them than before. Where it rested in the air next to their face. They sniffed it and booped their nose into it. He withdrew, like that was all he could handle. He looked like it hadn't been a fun time for him.

 

    "I don't how to act around you anymore. What I'm supposed to... _do_ ," he confessed to you, looking off to the side.

 

    That was...probably one of the most accurate seeming things you had ever heard.

 

    "...Honestly...I'm incredibly weirded out too."

 

    You both sat in a silence, shifting through your thoughts. You let Sam down into your lap and massaged their ears, looked at them, and they looked at you, _very_ content and happy. Likely in pure bliss from the look on their sweet doggo face. It made you happy that at least one of the three of you weren't in a post- _that_ funk. ...And you knew you _shouldn't_ be happy. But you just didn't...you _couldn't_ any more. You wanted so badly that it consumed your entire being.

 

    And Sam seemed _very_ okay with that. You hoped they really were truly happy, underneath it all. You didn't care if it might seem like wishful thinking, you wanted. You really, truly just wanted them to be happy. However that was. Whatever form that took.

 

    Selfish.

 

    But everything would be perfect for you if everything was perfect for them too. If they were as happy with you as you were with them. You just wanted to be three close, happy amigos.

 

    ...Three amigos where two _fucked and loved_ , but hey, ya know...

 

    You looked over to Vani from the corner of your eye, to check his status. He seemed contemplative, neutral. That was good?

 

    "...Okay, so...there's probably a lot to clear the air about...I figure we should maybe have a real-ass talk?"

 

    You opened the door, trying not to be terrified by it. Sam sensed your anxiety, turned their head to Vani and sent a small bark his way. Like they were trying to talk to him, tell him something. It got his attention, and they stared at each other with a weird amount of heated tension. You inched back, concerned and confused by that.

 

    Then he shifted his focus to you, and you felt the big ones coming before he even opened his mouth.

 

    "Fine. ...Where are you from? _Actually?_ "

 

    Oh God, that opened big scary doors. You gulped.

 

    "UuUhHh... I don't... Know what...to... I don't want to break your reality. I mean, it already is, but..."

 

    You could literally just _say_ the words 'you're a video game character' and it would probably _wreck_ him even worse than he already was. But you didn't know if he was even going to give you the option not to. You were scared. Not even for yourself. For _him_. He took a moment to articulate his next words in his head.

 

    "...You think I deserve the truth, don't you? So give me everything straight. I feel like I'm going to go insane if I don't know everything."

 

    "...You _deserve_ the truth...but deserving the truth and it _wrecking_ you are two different things. It terrifies me." You hugged Sam back to your chest, unable to help it, upset and scared. "...I don't want to hurt you any more than you already are..."

 

    There was a moment where he just took in your words and acknowledged them. Then,

 

    "If you think _that's_ what it will do to me...then I need to know more than ever. You think _not_ knowing now won't rip me apart?"

 

    You winced back. It was all true. But it would hurt.

 

    "I...I don't...I don't know how to say this gently..."

 

    He looked at you like he was insulted.

 

    "Okay, okay, point taken." You took a deep breath. "Are you _sure?_ " _You_ had to be sure that _he_ was sure.

 

    He looked insulted by that still, but he gave a firm head nod.

 

    "Stop stalling."

 

    Your heart pounded. Everything felt like it slowed down. You started to get nervous terror shivering at the weight of what you were about to do.

 

    "Y-you're...you...are...you're not real! Not real where I'm from, because video game!" You rushed it out. It was physically painful. _Shit_ , you weren't clear in your haste. "Video game, you are from!" Shit, there, you did it, fuck. "I'm sorry."

 

    He didn't seem to have an advert immediate reaction to it. You shuddered and shook in terror, watching him with wide eyes, clutching Sam to you. They pressed their face into your neck, as a comforting contact and to hide. He stared at you. His eyes narrowed the slightest bit. Un-narrowed. He stared at you for a long time. You stared back in fear for him, feeling helpless.

 

    "How do I know you're not lying?"

 

    ...UuUuUhHhHhH????

 

    "UH...you... _wouldn't???_ "

 

    You ignored the high pitch of your nerves and confoundment.

 

    "Relax. I know you're telling the truth. I just..." _don't want to believe it_.

 

    He didn't have to say it out loud for you to understand.

 

    "I'm sorry."

 

    You didn't know what else to say or do. It was quiet for a while as he thought. Then he looked confused. Understandably, he surely had a million questions.

 

    "Then how-" he started in, but struggled to find words. You waited patiently, willing to try to answer whatever he had to throw at you. "But-!" He got more frustrated the more he seemed to think about it. He scoffed roughly, with disdain, and quickly got off the bed to pace rapidly out of the room.

 

    You hurried after him, wanting to make sure everything stayed okay, that he wouldn't suddenly break somehow or something. It terrified you, the thought, that maybe him as what he was, or the program, just wasn't designed or fit to handle their own... _Existence_ , kind of.

 

    He stomped down the stairs two at a time before he just jumped the railing to get down quicker, never slowing down, in a fast, furious walk all the way toward the front door.

 

    "H-hey, wait-!"

 

    You struggled to catch up. Running with Sam jostled them, so you stopped to put them down, then ran after him. You rammed yourself out the door, hoping you weren't too late, that you hadn't already lost him. You didn't see him in front of you, so you scanned quickly. Your heart started to hurt.

 

    You heard the yell of someone who was _pissed_ and _fucking done_. You expected to hear the sound of something being smashed after it, but it was strangely quiet. You were confused, as it sounded like he had been up and behind you. You looked toward the roof. You didn't have anything else to go off of, so you rushed back in, and through to the other side.

 

    Sam barked at you, trying to keep up, but they were just behind, given the difference in height and leg. You couldn't stop for them unfortunately, until you knew what was going on, until you knew he was safe. You slammed open the sliding door to the back yard, rushing out, looking up. Sam followed after. You found him on the edge of the roof, keyblade at ready.

 

    " **Move**."

 

    You felt like that was the only warning you were going to get, so you made quick work back to standing under the open screen door. Sam followed, and you were grateful that they knew to. A second after, Void Gear stabbed into the ground, into an area that already looked before-stabbed. It dissipated. Then stabbed into the same spot again. And again. And again.

 

    It was like he was trying to dig a hole by stabbing it from a distance. Hey, whatever worked, you were just glad he was calming down and found a way to do it. Well, you assumed. You figured it would be a good idea to wait silently. You leaned against the side of the door, and Sam sat next to you. You both watched the same spot get repeatedly stabbed with a keyblade.

 

    You thought about what you could do with all that disrupted dirt, and didn't come up with much. Didn't want to leave a hole in the ground if you moved it over to growing pots, so you figured you would just pack it back in. He eventually jumped down, and turned to face you with one hell of a glare. You ended up shrinking back a bit.

 

    Sam barked at him before striding past to the dirt piles, starting to bat them around like they were toys. Well...you could wash them later, and they were having fun, so...you couldn't really blame them. But that left Vanitas to deal with. And OOOOOOH he looked...not happy. You were just going to say not happy.

 

    " **Explain**."

 

    UMMMMM, ohgodwheredidyouevenbegin

 

    "UUUUMMMM...I...where do I start? Okay, think of it like, so, in my world, you're from a video game. It's why I know so much about the characters and things. It's why, originally, you were a character. Who had their arc. At least, to the point that we know, because the series has only progressed that far as of now.

 

 _Then_ , the program became a thing, where character files could be put in, and you could have a continuation of sorts, where I got to come in and be part of it. Because everyone wants to meet their favorite characters. So that's why it was made in the first place.

 

    Although it's more...how do I put this? Eh... _romantically_ _inclined_ , as I said before. Because when people love characters, they _love_ characters. At least, to the point that that's how this thing was made, I assume. Obviously it doesn't apply to everybody." You breathed. "BUT. NOW. You...you're real. At least in the sense of how you exist now, if you want to think of it that way, I guess. I don't know, I'm not explaining this very well."

 

    It was quiet, and you came up with better words.

 

    "Think of it like...before, you were a base code, set to a certain events and responses. Stuck to just be in that state forever. But  _now_...you have the options to go however. To keep existing, to make decisions, to be _alive_. Well, to a certain point, I still don't understand how this works, I'm so confused. Which can't compare to how _you're_ feeling...

 

    I don't _know_ how much you're forced into specific things, is what I'm saying. I think you're more free and alive than before, because before was just static code, never changing or continuing. But _now_...fuckin' now, I'm so confused, I don't know jack shit, never mind me."

 

    You threw your hands up in exasperation, so utterly confused and all over the place. You just needed to sit down. You went to the outside back wall and sat against it, letting your head thunk back to it gently.

 

    He stood in the same spot, blank, and you assumed he was trying to take that in, get anything out of it, but you did such a piss poor job, he probably wasn't. You let him have a moment. Then figured a way this would probably go much better.

 

    "Hey...since I'm really bad at explaining things, do you have any _really_ specific questions? I feel like those would be easier to answer and I'd be better at it."

 

    He was silent. Still. You let him have his statue moment as long as he needed, he had a lot to process. You watched Sam roll around in dirt. Sigh. Look at all that dirt. He finally moved, brought his hand up to his head. Poor guy surely had one heck of a headache.

 

    "Hey, uh..." You started gently. "Maybe...we can take this slow. No need to break your brain over it. Everything all at once is a lot."

 

    He was still and silent again. Oh boy. Just how much was he suffering right now? You were worried greatly. Sam seemed to pick up on it being a good time for them to trot their dirty selves over to sit by his feet. They gave him a small sound to let him know they were there before they leaned against his leg. God, you wished he got comfort from that like you would have. Still, you hoped he got the tiniest fraction of something good from it.

 

**He knew everything.**

 

**He knew nothing.**

 

**Everything was different.**

 

**Nothing had changed.**

 

    You thought it was a good time to reassure him, at the very least.

 

    "For what it's worth...I always thought of you as a real person. I still do. It's why I'm so fucked up over all this. And what I'm feeling doesn't even compare to what you're going through, I'm sure. So if there's anything I can do, including shut up, uh...jus' lemme know..."

 

    Sam yipped in agreement. After another moment, he finally resumed a normal standing stance, opening his eyes.

 

    "What does this change?" He asked. "It changes nothing, doesn't it?"

 

    Uh??? Oh god, you didn't know how to answer all these existential questions.

 

    "I... _I_ feel like things changed. I guess you know the full truth, for what it's worth. As...awful as it may feel."

 

    "And you kept it from me. Even after you said you were finally going to be honest."

 

    _ow_

 

    He turned to watch you passively, seeming very minimally pissed, if at all. It confused you.

 

    "Why?"

 

    You...knew the answer. Didn't know how to phrase it accurately.

 

    "I..." You took a moment to figure it out. "I guess...I thought of certain things like that as strictly off limits, not even an option. Because of how much it would hurt you. I...didn't even know if you or the program were _designed_ to be able to take that. If it would just...fuck shit up really badly somehow. I was so afraid of the possibility that I just never even considered it, I guess. I..." You paused, because the next bit was a brutal truth.

 

    "I was afraid of losing you," you spoke barely above a whisper. "Terrified, more like. I-" You sighed in self-exasperation. "Well, you saw. ...Sorry, again, about all that. If-...if you ever don't want to be my friend anymore," 'friend' may have been understating sugarcoating it at this point, "please just tell me right away. I couldn't stand it if-..."

 

    Quiet. You couldn't look at him.

 

    "...You'll know. If it ever happens. The stupid thing is..." A silence passed. "I think... I'm terrified of that..."

 

    You had to struggle to hear his deep-leveled confession, questioning if you even heard it right, even though you knew you did. Felt it. You didn't know how to respond, except,

 

    "Me too."

 

    And then it was silent again.

 

    ...

 

    Sam had had enough of this nonsense. They started jumping around Vani in a circle, barking playfully, doing that butt wag, happy looking ear perk thing that dogs did when they were happy and wanted to play. Sam ran back and forth between the two of you, circling around when they could, and _fuck_ they just looked so in need of a good friend romp, you couldn't help yourself.

 

    You stood and started running around, still tired, so it was lackluster, but Sam didn't seem to mind at all, just so ecstatic to be playing with you, running around close to you.

 

    Poor, poor Vani seemed so confused.

 

    "They want to play!" You explained to him.

 

    You grabbed a small stick you found and threw it. Sam was so excited to get it that they tripped over themselves and landed on it, rolling over it. They quickly rolled back and firmly placed their paws over it in victory. You laughed at how fucking cute and happy it was, clapping and telling them "Good job!"

 

    Still grinning, you looked over to Vani, to see how he was doing. He seemed...fine? Unimpressed, almost? Then he walked over to a side bush, broke a sturdy branch off (the whole gottdamn branch), and _chucked it_ far toward the woods that started further off from the back yard.

 

    Sam fuckin' _lost it_ , rushing after that branch in a frenzy desperation (to impress senpai), luckily not tripping again, bouncing down on it firmly when they got there. They looked back at Vanitas, one paw pressed to the branch in victory. You could practically hear 'Did I do good? Were you impressed?'

 

    Vanitas stared at them like he didn't know what to do. Looked at you. Looked at you looking at him expectantly. Brought up his hands up, looked at them. Finally brought them together in a single resounding clap.

 

    Sam literally _howled_ in achievement, started rolling around on the ground in pure bliss. You looked to Vanitas, impressed and proud that he even bothered with any kind of positive reinforcement at all, and for their sake. He looked back to you like he thought it was really lame that such a small thing got such a reaction from them.

 

    "You did good," you told him. "Sam really likes you, you know."

 

    "I **_know_.**" He sounded aggravated about it, and like he really did _know_.

 

    Sam walked back over, right on up to him, firmly planted their tush upon the ground, and waited. Looked at him expectantly. You knew they wanted pets. You weren't sure _he_ knew.

 

    "They want pets. You don't have to, if you're not ready."

 

    He had already made such monumental strides with them today. And he wasn't ready, because he didn't pet them. He gave them a look and started walking away, back toward the mansion, where he perched upon the back wall, in much the same spot as you had been in earlier.

 

    Sam looked sad, but understanding. At least, that was the vibe you got. Which you knew to be accurate, because of the weird unversed feelings connection thing. And that they were partly you and _your_ feelings, and...just...unversed, man. Sam in particular, who was special. You gave them pets instead, praising them, and they were happy. It made you happy.

 

    They seemed content with their play, tuckered out in their tiny cute body. They yawned and went over to a shaded corner to laze and nap. You wondered what to do, trying to get back to a sense of normalcy. You figured you would join Vani, maybe try to have a normal conversation about _not_ life altering things.

 

    When you looked to him, you were really surprised to find him staring at the snow globe you gave him. You almost completely forgot about it. And he still had it. He wasn't even shaking it, he just gazed at it...fondly _and_ sadly. You made a slow approach, not wanting to startle him out of his contemplation. You leaned against the wall next to him, not feeling any pressure to speak right away.

 

    There was a companionable silence. You closed your eyes, relaxed, lazed there, much like Sam. You heard it shake. It was an oddly comforting sound, to hear him use it.

 

    "...Catch."

 

    "Huh?"

 

    You opened your eyes in time to see him toss it to you, and you were grateful you caught it. You didn't think a casual fall onto soft ground and grass would break it, but best to avoid it anyway. You would feel _terrible_ if you accidentally broke it. You turned to him with a questioning look. He watched you hold it, scanning his eyes over you like he was trying to take a picture.

 

    Now you gave him an even _questioning-er_ face. And had a _brilliant_ comeback of an idea. Now was the _perfect_ time. Was it? Fuck it, sure.

 

    "You know, if you want to remember what I look like..." You waggled your eyebrows suggestively. Lowered your voice. "We could always take that picture."

 

    Boom. LET IT BEHOLD. IT IS OUT THERE. He locked eye contact, and for a second you thought he was actually considering it. Then he snatched his globe back and stuffed it away.

 

    "On one condition."

 

    OH? TWAS YOUR DREAMS TO COME TRUE? You leaned in, excited to hear.

 

    "Some of them have to be of when I'm making you cum."

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    RIP.

 

    RIP.

 

    RIP.

 

    He got you.

 

    Well played.

 

    He was completely straight-faced as he watched you have a complete meltdown. You slid down the wall slowly, face a-fire. It was so out of left field, out of _fuckin' nowhere_ , that it put you out of commission.

 

    RIP.

 

    "Or if you don't want them..."

 

    Smug bastard. You couldn't even respond, down for the count. Oh god. This was his revenge, wasn't it? You were a hot goner.

 

    "Do you even _have_ a camera? You know what, I think this is a great idea. I'm going to get one."

 

    NnnnNNNNNOOOOOOO- He was gone.

 

    ...

 

    Was he serious? He certainly had the lively I'm-serious-about-mocking-you-oh-how-fun-this-is, I-enjoy-your-suffering...tone. And now a frickin' frickfrackin' camera was getting stolen somewhere.

 

    Great.

 

    ...Actually...maybe it was great. Maybe it meant you were _both_ getting back a sense of normal. Maybe you would both be okay.

 

    ...Maybe everything would be okay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known, that Vani did in fact suffer from a cute overload, I have that power, it is canon. And I am so FUCKING GRATEFUL. That Sam exists.
> 
> Updating this note in the dead of night in case anyone's going through the same thing. Please never blame yourself for getting hurt when it turns out someone you looked up to for years turns out to be a scumbag. It's not that you should have never gotten attached to begin with, it's not your fault. 
> 
> It is perfectly natural to be very upset when someone you respected and watched the content of regularly for literal YEARS in some cases, turns out to be a terrible person. It is okay if they got you through horribly dark nights, were the only thing that helped your depression and/or anxiety, if they even kept you from killing or hurting yourself sometimes.
> 
> It is okay. That is okay. That is natural. And it's great that you're still here. I'm happy that you're still here. I've been through that myself, and I'm still struggling. I'm just trying to put this out there, because I'm going through it myself currently, and if you are too, that's okay. Please don't put yourself down because you cared for someone you looked up to for years, who got you through rough spots, because you 'weren't supposed to care to begin with.' Because that's bullshit.
> 
> It is okay to feel hurt right now. I do too. All I can say is that I hope the hurt parties get all the love and peace that they deserve.
> 
> That's all. Just wanted to put out a generally positive statement in the wake of some stuff that's happening. Love and peace to you all. <3


	46. That Camera

    You figured it was a good time to give cute little dirty Sam that bath. Because dirt. Was a thing. They were covered in. Life of an unversed dog. You didn't know how long it would be until the Van Man was finished with his blatant theft, so... 'Van Man.' Sounded like a sleazy car salesmen. You vowed never to think of him that way again. Which was sad, because it would have been a great name otherwise. 'Frozen Burnt' it was.

 

    You went over to the Great Lazing of Sam that was happening under the shade of a bush. You didn't want to disturb them, but you also didn't want them tracking dirt after all your efforts to clean the place.

 

    "Uh," you immediately had their attention. "How do you feel about a nice warm bath?"

 

    " _Muff_."

 

    They yawned and got up to stretch. Then watched you like they expected you to lead the way. You picked them up, so you could carry them to the bathtub, not having to worry about a dirt trail. You would just change your now dirty shirt after as well. They snugged into you and lazed there, very content to be carried instead.

 

    In the bathroom, you set them in the tub and set the warm water to run. You wouldn't need much, given their smallish size. Honestly, you could have used the sink, but you thought they would enjoy having the whole bath to themselves. Indeed they did, pawing at the water as it came in, then being in an almost limp state of pure soothed as you gave them soap pets.

 

    You had left the door open in case Vani, _the_ Frozen Burnt himself, had come back with a camera in that time. A pic of cute bath Sam would have been supreme adorable content. But you got Sam all done and dry without any sign of him. That was fine, you would just change shirts in the bedroom, maybe find some relaxing activity to do with Sam.

 

    The window was broken. Broke to shit. You didn't know how to fix a broken window, or even remember how it got broken. You rubbed your head in stress, decided to change shirts before you forgot. Lied sideways on the bed, staring at the window, trying to come up with solutions. Sam hopped up next to you, watching the window as well.

 

    Plastic tarp + tape = ugly temp solution. Calling in the professionals = money needed and potential gossip spreading around town about how someone lived at the mansion now. You didn't want people knowing that, curious folk coming by to disturb you and Vani's privacy and peace out here. You sighed. You would figure something out. Hell, maybe Vani could help. Fire magic melt some new glass onto the old glass. Was that even a thing? Did that work?

 

    Scratch that, he probably loved it broken. Sigh again. ...Wait. ...You had a stupid thought. But there it was. If the two of you were to... _cough_ bang in here, all that sound would carry out the window now. Maybe that was an angle you could take. Because honestly, you wanted bang privacy, and you felt like he did too, if only to keep you to himself.

 

    I mean, no one came out here, but _still_ , it just felt awkward taking that chance- wait, someone did come out here now. ...Piece of crap. All that shit was the LAST thing you wanted to think about. It made your head hurt and your heart hurt. Suddenly, you just wanted to hold and cuddle Vani close again. You looked to Sam.

 

    "Hey, Sam. Just _how_ connected to Vani are you?"

 

    They looked back with tilted head, like they didn't know how to answer. You figured distance dual snuggling was worth a shot. AND LOOK WHO WALKED IN, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.

 

    "Snuggle me, I'm sad," you announced in brazen honesty. You noticed what he was holding. "Holy shit, you got it?!"

 

    Your whole mood shifted to happy and excited. Felt a little bad about the blatant stealing. But CAMERA. IT WAS HERE. And it was glorious. One of the kinds that would spit out the picture in a little paper square after it was taken. You _loved_ it already. He held it up and shook it mildly to show it off, like it was a trophy.

 

    "Didn't change your mind after all?"

 

    'Get that devil's smirk off your face, that wasn't the usage I was thinking of.' Instead, you said, "You should have seen cute bubble Sam earlier. It would have made a great picture. Next time, I guess."

 

    He huffed mildly and looked the device over more thoroughly, like he was trying to figure out how it worked. ...Did he? Know how it worked? You got up and went over next to him to look at it as well. He probably didn't, why would he? You held out your hand in a 'mind if I...?' gesture, and after a few more seconds with it, he reluctantly relinquished it to you.

 

    You gave it a quick pass over, testing everything. It was one of the nice kinds that had the lens protector built in, triggered on and off by a lever at the side. Focus by turning the front circle, press the button to take picture. It was simple and great and worked and you loved it.

 

    Although, you didn't see a flashbulb anywhere. Made you wonder how he intended to take pictures in all the dark places he loved. But then, why would he think of that, he wasn't familiar with cameras, probably didn't know they had shit darkness vision. Wait a minute...that made you think of _his_ darkness vision. Did he-...? Could he-...?

 

    "Hey, weird random question, can you see in the dark?"

 

    "Of course," like it was obvious and you were stupid for asking.

 

    "O-kay, well, most people can't so I was just wondering. ...Anyway, here's how you use this thing."

 

    "I know how to use it. It's not hard to figure out," like you had insulted him.

 

    "O-kay, well...that's great then. Sorry, I just thought you were looking at it like it was a foreign object earlier. ...Anyway, WE SHOULD TAKE PICTURES OF EVERYTHING," you could no longer hold back your zeal for pictures, _all the pictures_ , and you figuratively slammed him with your enthusiasm.

 

    You turned to Sam, still sitting on the bed, and they looked at you with perked ears, like they _knew._ It was perfect. You took a picture of them. Waited impatiently the couple seconds it took for the paper to come out. Grabbed it and hopped around excited over it. Then you tried to take a picture of Vanitas, who instantly blocked your efforts. You looked at him in mildly hurt confusion over your camera holding hands that he still held lowered, broken out of your excitement some.

 

    "You first, remember? That was the deal."

 

    Your brain took exactly five seconds to process what he meant. Then your face felt warm, and you were flustered, and there was _no way_ , that was _too embarrassing-_

 

    "Ffffff, y-you-...how... Why does it have to be something like that to begin with?! How would you feel if I went 'Hey, Vanitas, I don't want any other pictures of you until I've had one of you-..." You couldn't even say it, not to his face, not when he was staring back with that heat in his eyes. "SO yOu sEE?"

 

    Perfectly. That was how you had made your point. Surely. Surely it wasn't a flustered nonsense. ...Surely.

 

    "Why not? It's what I want."

 

    You made a heavily disgruntled noise in the back of your throat, and that was definitely all it was, and you couldn't think with him staring you down like this, saying stuff like that. You broke eye contact, unable to keep it up, shuffling over to next to Sam, like they would protect you. Oh god. Sam was in the room.

 

    "CONSidER," you started. ...Oh. The window. Perfect, you could use that. "That the window, is broken. How did that even happen?!" You changed the subject.

 

    "You're not getting out of this one. Sam..."

 

    He diverted his attention to them, and stared at them like he was communicating in a way you couldn't pick up on. They flattened their ears back and narrowed their eyes. After a moment, they actually started to _growl_ and bare their teeth at him.

 

    "Doesn't work on you, huh?" He said lowly, like he was noting it to himself.

 

    "What the fuck did you just try to do?!"

 

    You had switched over to full Sam protection mode.

 

    "Nothing. I just tried to influence them to do something, like I can normally do with my other unversed. _Apparently_ , it doesn't _work_ ," he said at them pointedly. "I was trying to get them to _leave_ , so we could have some _privacy,_ " he still pointed his words toward them.

 

    They seemed unaffected, calmed down to the state of a steely glare. You were a taken aback by the whole interaction between them. Noted that he couldn't control them, and that Sam willingly stayed for some reason. And that maybe him _trying_ was very unpleasant for them, given their reaction. And that Vani tried in the first place.

 

    "Well, what did you expect? You can't go around trying to control them, they're their own being. That's not very nice," you scolded him.

 

    He rolled his eyes dramatically, and looked like he wanted to do the finger-gun in the mouth, pull the trigger bit. That was the distinct vibe you got from him. You sighed in mild exasperation, letting out the stress in your shoulders. Sat down on the bed to pet Sam. They welcomed the change greatly, gratefully, whole-heartedly. Then you lied down and brought them to you in a big cuddle.

 

    "See? This is what being nice gets you," you gave him a look, not deprecating, just showing the facts to him.

 

    He glared back. It was funny, and not in the 'ha ha' way, but you got the distinct vibe that he was jealous. You sighed. Poor guy and you had been through so much recently, you couldn't help it, you made room for him.

 

    "Alright, get in here. But be nice to Sam. Ask them nicely if you want them to do something."

 

    He stood his ground, but he did look continually more unsure.

 

    "Sam..." he started. They huffed at him. "Would you... _leave?_ " He ground through his teeth.

 

    They looked at him in consideration.

 

    "I think if you said 'please,' they would be much more willing," you offered, trying to help out.

 

    Wait, why were you helping, did you even _want_ them to leave in this situation? _You just wanted them both to get along so badly_. You jumped in because of that without thinking.

 

    " _ **Just leave**_ **.** "

 

    Apparently he wasn't a fan of the 'please' idea. They barked at him roughly. Oh god, they were fighting, this was terrible. It made you sad. Sam's attention was quickly back on you with a concerned whine, and they snuggled into you with vigor. ...They knew. Of course they knew.

 

    Van suddenly deflated with a huff, giving up for now, but grumpled about it. He plonked down into sitting on the edge of the bed, making no more moves to be closer or further from you. You figured you were going to have to do it yourself. You sat up and shimmied over, around Sam, who let you in understanding. You leaned against his back with your side, nuzzling your face into his hair.

 

    "No hard feelings?" You offered in a peaceful extension.

 

    It was quiet. You heard him mumble something that sounded like 'Like I,' then he backtracked and just said, "No." You figured it was a good time for chill real-ass discussion.

 

    "Why do you even want them to begin with? I don't even know if I'm into that, it sounds mega embarrassing."

 

    "Why _wouldn't_ I?" Like it was an obvious universal truth.

 

    Well...you couldn't really respond to that, it was true, he wanted what he wanted.

 

    "But...what if...it turns out a really ugly picture or something? Oh god, I would die," you whisper confessed the last part into his back.

 

    He took a moment to think about it.

 

    "Not possible."

 

    "Oh, _stop_."

 

    Maybe you would die now, with his supportive-ass boyfriend, ass...ass.

 

    "Even if it was, that would just make it _better_."

 

    This was one of those times where you practically _heard_ that he was cackling internally. Oh yes, he certainly was, there was no doubt. He was cackling over this the live-long-day. You made a face at him like you sucked a lemon, even if he couldn't see it. You glared it into the back of his head, trying to make him _sense_ it. Give him the creepy-crawly feeling of being watched. Because you _watched_. And _oh_ , _you saw._ You saw _all_ the internal cackling happening.

 

**He had the feeling that they were trying to stare a hole through the back of his head. He almost called it out, but he was far too invested in his other train of thought.**

 

    "So? Are you going to go for it, or not?"

 

    What a challenging question. Not just in the difficulty of the answer, but in how it was asked as well. You glanced at the camera that sat forgotten on the corner of the bed after you left it there earlier in your fluster. You had to admit, the whole idea interested you _some_ , you know, _a little bit_ , but...it was so embarrassing. You didn't want to see how you looked when-...how you _looked_. What if it was terrible? Your self-esteem would be crushed, you would become self-conscious.

 

    And the thing was, everyone made...you'll say, _heck of_ faces when... _cough_. Oh god, even thinking about this was... But the point was, you _knew_ you wouldn't look exactly attractive. You figured that was just part of it all, that letting down your guard like that around someone just showed them how much you trusted them, and that they would get a kick out of all the ridiculous faces a person could make.

 

    It was the fact that _they_ were making the faces happen to begin with that... Well, lord knows you _got_ _something_ out of watching every little thing you could get out of Vanitas. You flashed back to the most recent wall encounter-

 

    ...

 

    Your brain shut down for a moment at the hotness of it. And you knew he had the same kind of feelings, especially if he wanted such an image permanently burned into a piece of paper that he owned. The issue was just... _god,_ it would make you self conscious. You didn't want that with him. You had the exact _opposite_ with him. And it was so fucking fantastic, to actually have that with someone. You didn't want it compromised.

 

    And yet... You were so _deathly_ curious to try it. Oh help you. Help you. Just help you.

 

    "OKAY, look. After some consideration...my problem is that I'd be incredibly self-conscious about it. I mean, I'm not _entirely_ opposed to it, it's just...I...I don't even know if I could-...properly, with that kind of self-awareness."

 

    "That won't be a problem."

 

    _Well_ , that was smug, even for him- what were you thinking, no it wasn't, it wasn't at all, silly brain.

 

    "I HAVE GROUND RULES," you let it be known. "Firstly, not in here, while the window is broken. Secondly, Sam needs to be long gone- Sam, you need to be long gone-" you turned to tell them, but you found they had already snuck to the doorway at some point, like they already _knew_. They woofed in affirmation. "Oh. Well. That takes care of that then. ...I guess."

 

    You kept looking for something to say, to prolong your talking, because you were nervous. You had the feeling that-

 

    "I know the _perfect_ place."

 

    -he would hop right into it. He had that excited, wild look trained on you again, and you gulped, unable to help it. Then he grabbed you and practically dragged you through darkness, clearly unable to even wait the walk there.

 


	47. This Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tiniest smidgen of smut
> 
> Then not
> 
> SMUT.
> 
> There you go, that's the order.

    Even in the dark, you knew exactly where you were. His room. So you had dubbed it, and you thought it was true. He held you to him from behind, slipping his hands under your shirt to start rubbing over your torso. You were still surprised by the suddenness of it, of the way he wasted _no_ time as soon as you got here, even though you knew it was coming. Really, it was just how overwhelming his suddenly unrestrained _want_ of you was.

 

    "W-w-wait, there's something you need to know about cameras!"

 

    You managed to get it out before things progressed too far. You were ever so grateful that he actually stopped moving so you could explain properly, be able to _think_. Although his grasp on you against your bare skin was... _ahem._

 

    "Uh, cameras don't, they uh, how do I? ...They have shitty night vision. Basically. ...So, as much as-"

 

    "You're saying there has to be a light on."

 

    He summed it up better than you could. You nodded your head. With a sigh of aggravation, he split from you to go to the nearest lamp. Then it was on, and you blinked as your eyes adjusted. You weren't sure it was enough for the best quality of photograph, but it was much better than almost pitch dark. And maybe it was better that way to begin with, a test run of sorts.

 

    He went back to his previous perch, pressed right against your back. Sliding his hands under again, sliding all the way up until he was taking your shirt off. Away it went. He grasped at your bare skin, pulling you close against him, like he couldn't get close enough. His tongue and lips pressed hotly into the side of your neck. You arched into it, into all of him.

 

    Oh no. You realized just how much you missed this. Tried to shove away any remaining feelings of things like... _guilt_. It was just straight guilt. You tried to remember that he very _clearly_ wanted this, but that was what you thought before and-

 

    "Wait, I can't do this, I'm not ready."

 

    You started pulling away from him, and he let you go reluctantly. Your heart hurt. Hung heavy with guilt. It still lingered strongly, despite what you had been telling yourself about all of this, about his existence. And you had been semi-okay, enjoying his company, because you wanted it so badly, felt like you needed it. But _this_. ... _Sex._ Was on a whole other level. That you weren't sure you were ready for.

 

    Which meant you weren't. And for some reason, that hurt too. Because you just wanted everything the way it was. Back to happy. That's all you wanted. But no matter what you did, what you thought, or tried to think...everything _was_ different. Changed forever in some way by...all of _that_. It hung over everything like a heavy blanket you wanted to rip through and come out the other side. Be done with it, this.

 

    You didn't look at him, couldn't, stood hugging yourself, facing away from him. It was silent for a moment. You heard a distant bark through the door.

 

    "Why do you feel... _that?_ "

 

    Nondescriptive _that_. Which meant you felt so bad you were projecting. _Great._ You already felt awful, you didn't want to feel more awful by _spreading it_.

 

    "...Never mind. Don't know why I asked when I already know the answer."

 

    Well, _this_ was awful. It was quiet again, and you eventually started looking around for your shirt. You spotted it out of the corner of your eye and started a slow, sad walk to it.

 

    "What if...we did something different?" He offered.

 

    You were intrigued by _any_ distraction from this.

 

    "Like...?" You encouraged him, now holding your shirt to you before putting it on, just as something to grip.

 

    He came over and held the camera out to you. You looked at him in confusion as much as question.

 

    "Reverse," he stated.

 

    It took you a moment, before your mind gave you a very vivid image and your face was heating again.

 

    "N-no way! That would be even worse! I would really feel like I was-!" 'taking advantage of you.' You couldn't even say it.

 

    He thought it over.

 

    "What if I just gave it to you? You don't even have to be here. That's your problem, right? That you don't think I want this. _I want this._ "

 

    He spelled it out, clear as day. It actually managed to assuage some of your fears. He had literally told it to your face, plain and simple, that he _did_ want. Then you took a moment to think about the _rest_ of what he said. And your face was already warm enough, thank you, so _calm down please._

 

    "M-maybe...if you just...took _a_ picture of you and gave it to me. Without the...ya know. Just a plain old picture."

 

    Honestly, small steps like that would go a long way, you felt. You didn't quite want to jump straight into the deep end. ...You _did_ , but that was the problem, and if you proved to yourself more that he was indeed 100% on board with this, it would help a _lot_.

 

    " _That's_ what you want?"

 

    He had to confirm, like he thought it was a terribly boring thing to want. But it was indeed what you wanted.

 

    "Yes."

 

    He processed that, then held the camera up to glare into it like he was fucking _daring_ it to take a picture of him. He scowled in discontent as he snapped the picture. It came out, and he ripped it off and shoved it toward you, looking one of the most disgruntled you had ever seen him. But he had done it, and you knew from experience that he didn't do things he didn't want to do. ...Well... Maybe one exception, but you didn't think about that.

 

    You took the picture from him daintily, not daring to be anything but gentle toward the delicate piece of paper, because it meant so much to you. You finally looked at the actual picture in nervous excitement. Yup. He looked...very _him._ A captured scowl and intense stare, the lower fire lamp lighting giving it a more orange hue, and it wasn't _absolutely_ crystal clear because of the low lighting, but... All the necessary detail was there. And you felt like it fit him, a picture captured in a darker place.

 

    You smiled, unable to help it. Having such a thing, having been _given_ such a thing by him, all the effort he was putting in... It warmed your heart, and you did your _damnest_ to _let_ it be warmed, because _shit, dude_. You'd been through a lot of _shit_. And you were trying to do better, to _be_ better in all of this. To be okay again. For everything to be okay again.

 

    You held it close to you, giving it a little hug, before pressing it to your face lightly. It had officially been cuddle christened. When it came down from your face, you saw Vanitas, who looked befuddled that you were so _damn_ fond of the thing. Hardly two seconds passed before he spoke abruptly.

 

    "I want one," he said with conviction in a sudden announcement.

 

    He tossed the camera to you, and you struggled to catch it while still holding his picture, trying to make sure it didn't get damaged in any way. The camera ended up awkwardly held to you with your arms. You finagled it into your hand, becoming able to put the picture safely away with a great sigh of relief. Then you looked at him, because you realized what he said-

 

    " _Hurry up._ "

 

    _And was impatient about it, apparently_. You fiddled with the camera in rushed nerves, got it positioned and held up right, but you realized you couldn't smile genuinely with such pressure on you.

 

    "Uh-"

 

    " _Just take it._ "

 

    So instead of smiling, you took a picture of your confused befuddlement at his sudden rush and enthusiasm. A second later, your belovedly confused face came out on the paper. He snatched it from the camera before you could even go to give it to him yourself. He paced back and forth agitatedly, giving it a stare so intense you worried the paper would fall apart.

 

    You took a single step back, giving him his room to process whatever the fuck this was, gripping the camera. You almost considered taking a picture of him in this moment, because now you were considering taking pictures of everything, with the camera actually in your hand again. You didn't, of course, because that would be a bad idea. You put the camera away so it wouldn't be a distraction. Just watched him pace, in wonder at what was going on in his head.

 

    He stopped. Held it up and stared, and this time, he looked to be _fascinated_ over it. Like it was some hypothetical stairway to heaven that he thought he would never see. ...Okay, maybe that was a _bit_ much- actually...looking at his face...

 

    It wasn't.

 

    You got that HurtForHimInYourHeart-y feeling, and you also got that WantToGiveHugs-y feeling. You slowly stepped toward him. The second you moved, it was like he noticed, and the moment was completely gone as he wiped all outward appearance of whatever he had away. Looked at you like he remembered you were there, put the picture away.

 

    For some reason, that just made all of your feelings worse, stronger. So you went up and hugged him anyway, because it was what you needed in that moment, and maybe he did too. You realized something.

 

    Your shirt was still off. You dropped it like it wasn't important when he gave you his picture. Because honestly, it _wasn't_ important then. Now you were realizing that the picture of you was a shirtless one, and yeah, it was just your shoulders, but- _did he plan this??_ No, that's ridiculous, of course not. And now you were here, hugging him, shirtless.

 

    This was your life, you realized. It could have been worse, could have been better, but you were here now, and... All in all, you were just grateful he was still around. So you said fuck it, threw caution to the wind, and just kept hugging him anyway. Heck, you threw some good snuggles in there too. It was nice.

 

    "I thought you didn't..."

 

    He sounded moderately confused. Oops, he was interpreting this a different way, and you couldn't _fully_ blame him...

 

    "Uh, oops, sorry, lemme get my shirt."

 

    You started to break away, but he held you in place for a moment to make an offer.

 

    "You don't _have_ to..."

 

    Oh lawdy, you didn't even know what you wanted anymore. The way he looked at you, like he was perfectly fine going _either_ way, something about it just...made your heart drop its guard. You snuggled back into him, hiding your face in his shoulder, because you were confused, and for a moment, you had had to actively stop yourself from kissing him.

 

    His hands slowly slid into place against your lower back, and you realized that this was a casual, not-at-all casual, shirtless (at least on your part), hug. But a hug nonetheless. He was hugging you. Oh no. It was so rare and special, and you were a mess currently, because something like that should not _do it for you_ , but... _FUCK._

 

    You buried yourself deeper into him, like that would help, but it just made it worse. _StEAdY, BREATHING_ , don't you dare give yourself away- He slid his hands further up your back, and just the movement of him against you made you jerk into him, trying to arch into it and... You were a mess. That was it really. But you were specifically a mess over _him_ , because he was the only one who could make you _want_ with so little. After so much. _AND-_

 

    You couldn't help it anymore, your feelings overflowed, and there were a _lot_ of them, of many types, so you went straight into kissing him. You found his lips had already been smiling in his sort of way, because of course he _knew_ , and the noise you made was confused, and sad, and desperate sounding, and you didn't know what to do with it, so you just kept kissing him, getting everything out of your system that way.

 

    He obliged, holding you to him firmly, kissing back with much more fervor than you expected, like he was _also_ getting shit out of his system this way. It didn't take long for him to back you into a wall, shove his tongue in to curl under yours, because he knew that would make your hips jerk into him, draw sound from you. And it did.

 

    He held there for a moment, and so did you, not fighting it at all, because that did it for you, and he knew that did it for you. Then he slowly pulled out and away from you, and the stillness and firm slowness of it really made you _feel_ his tongue rub against yours, against your lips as he left. The second contact was lost, you made a noise that was overwhelmed with the sensation of it, and was desperate for more.

 

    He went right back in, and your lips pressed together as well as your tongues. You cooed into it, into the satisfaction, hands buried in his hair, trying to bury the rest of yourself into him as well. He did this thing where he moved his hips in tiny, slow up and down motions against yours, and it drove you nuts, and you were already _fully_ there, and- You broke off.

 

    "Please."

 

    You were already at the limit point where you begged. Was that how pent up you had been? It must be. He looked at you with pinched brows, mouth open in panting, looking _affected_ , and he must have been pent up too. He suddenly shifted to 'I'm going to do things to you' smirk, a version more  _affected_ than you were used to seeing, before ducking to run his teeth and fangs over your neck.

 

    His hands worked to get your pants down, and he greedily grasped your now only underwear clad buttocks, massaging his fingers into them. _Fuck_ , was that appreciated, and you groaned to show it. You squirmed your ass further into his hands, and you were not ashamed. Seeing that you liked it so much, he quickly got your underwear slid down as well, going right back in. Your head thunked back to the wall on a sharp inhale, in appreciation of your freed privates, and the direct contact.

 

    You had the realization the he was still fully 'clothed,' and found you didn't mind at all at the moment, because you had to be honest with yourself, his textured skin suit felt just plain _nice_ against your skin, dammit. _Especially_ the way it hugged and accented his hands, and dug into your ass when used by said hands.

 

    You couldn't take this anymore, your were worked up into a frenzy,  _needed_ **now** _._

 

    " _Ah_ , I-"

 

    You struggled to find words. He seemed to know exactly what you meant anyway. But he had a request first.

 

    "Give it to me."

 

    His voice was heavy and impatient, and you struggled to define 'it' in your sexed up brain. Your first thought was 'give me your crotch,' but that didn't make sense, because all that was right there, he already had that-

 

    "The camera," he clarified when he saw you weren't getting it.

 

    Oh. Not even thinking, just wanting to do what he asked, you retrieved it and handed it to him.

 

    "Good /gender/."

 

    _OHNO_ , _PRAISE???_ You couldn't- it was too late- The metaphysical splooge happened. You let out an ungodly sound, eyes falling shut over rolled up eyes, collapsing on and shuddering into him. He had to catch you before you fell all the way down. You didn't even actually cum, it was just... Apparently, he could praise you, which in and of itself was special, so... But like _THAT-..._ you stood no chance. And you had a thing for it, a _BIG_ thing for it, as you were finding out now, when it came from him.

 

    Oops. You'd given yourself away. Oh well.

 

    "What caused that?" He asked, and you couldn't tell if he was actually asking, looking for confirmation, or just wanted to hear you say it.

 

    You made a pathetic and desperate sound into his chest, where your face currently resided. You couldn't possibly _word_ right now, what was he thinking, was he crazy?!

 

    "Was it..." His face leaned down closer to your ear, where he growled out clearly in a low voice, "Good /gender/?"

 

    You keened and squirmed in his hold. You couldn't help yourself. You felt his body shake, felt the puffs of air that were his laughter on the side of your face.

 

    " _That's_ it, then?"

 

    Everything shifted, and you were moved somewhere he apparently deemed the _prime_ position for whatever devious thing he was planning. Which was in his lap with your back pressed to him as his own back was to the wall. He licked behind your ear, up, back down, where he thoroughly sucked your earlobe into his mouth for his tongue to play with.

 

    All the while, running his hands over your stomach, up to rub along your chest. It was great and all, _but_...! It wasn't where you desperately needed attention. You knew he was very purposely teasing you, and you longly whined out his name, in response to the current stimulus, and what you _wanted_. Your hips involuntarily bucked to show what you _needed_ , and his only response was to let your ear go and start playing with your nipples with his fingers.

 

    You broke, crying out in what felt like over-stimulation and _not enough_ stimulation, begging him properly, using his name over and over as you begged, writhing against him furiously, hips shifting, legs kicking, practically _screaming_ for him.

 

    It was enough, felt like _far more_ than _enough_ , because he was firmly stroking you now- you broke off into a keen of utter _relief_ and _need_. He didn't stop, and _you_ didn't stop, thrusting into him with desperate and overwhelmed with pleasure cries. You had let yourself go completely, free in his embrace and treatment, letting your head fall back. Turning your face to press into the side of his face as you wantonly rubbed your privates against his hand like a heathen.

 

    He stopped. You yelled out a 'please,' and it sounded like you were a broken person. You actually felt like you could _cry_ in hurt. His hand had just barely started a trail to _somewhere_ on the innermost part of your thigh, but upon hearing your reaction, and maybe _feeling it_ , he tossed whatever plan he had out over a cliff. Quickly resumed where he was before, with more _fervor_ , like he was making up for it.

 

    You lost yourself quickly to the increase, seizing up, cumming onto his hand. This one was _particularly_ intense, and your eyes rolled back as you grit your teeth, then your jaw fell slack, unable to keep up with that amount of tension as it was like a second, more peaceful wave of intense pleasure rolled over you. You ended up going quite limp afterward, eyes barely fluttered open, but unseeing, tongue just poking out of an open and rapidly panting mouth.

 

    You hadn't even needed to stop him, it was like he just knew when you were done. And you were _done_. It was like everything that was pent...up...had...

 

    ...

 

    You were out.

 


	48. These Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of smut?
> 
> ...s-s-s-smut (swoon faints)
> 
> not smut

**He watched them as they snoozed against him. Despite the _problem_ that he had, he was**

 

**very**

 

**very**

 

**happy.**

 

**He had obtained _exactly_ what he wanted. He looked through the photos as they slept, and he was absolutely certain that they weren't even aware of them being taken. He had tried very hard to make sure of that. He picked out his favorite and placed it on top of the small pile. It was of the first time they had whined his own name at him, looking and sounding like they needed him _oh so much_ , and he liked it _oh so much._ It was also the first one he had taken.**

 

**He couldn't discredit the other ones either, though. If he was being honest with himself, and he was, he was quite fond of all of them. He couldn't _wait_ to see their reaction. But looking at them did _nothing_ to help his problem. Only aggravated it, in fact. He considered waking them, but they were _completely,_ well and fully, out.**

 

**A fact that gave him a proud surge, that he could induce such a state while _also_ getting what else he wanted. He would feel bad, taking them out of this state now. Mostly because, for whatever reason, he felt like they needed it. **

 

**After Sam showed up, and especially after the strangely strong _connection_ _event_ , he had been becoming more and more in tune with them. The connection had become stronger and seemed to stay that way, after the figurative door had been blown off its hinges. **

 

**He didn't have to try so hard to see if he could glean anything from them whenever their feelings were strong. Sometimes he could tell certain things about them without trying now, if it was strong enough, and it was a type of feeling he was more familiar with. He still wasn't used to when they projected their _other_ feelings toward him though, whether they knew they were doing it or not, and he didn't think they did.**

 

**Feelings from their _care_ , that evoked strange warmth, but also made him shudder internally. He wasn't used to it at all. And sometimes it gave him the oddest second hand urges, like the _urge to cuddle_. Sometimes they actively radiated it at him, and he didn't know what to do with it or how to deal with it yet. He internally shuddered _now_ , just remembering it.**

 

**He was going to try to remember to ask them, if it went both ways. Because he felt like it didn't, at least not to the same extent. It irked him, pulled his feathers the wrong way. Felt _unfair_ , like another connection he had once had. ...Until more recently. He hadn't even thought of...in a long time. He didn't want to think about it.  
**

 

**For now, he didn't want to be stuck as their impromptu bed either, and the photos lying beside him kept drawing his attention at the slightest glance. He slowly and carefully moved them off of him and to the floor, where they curled around themselves, and even in their _sleep_ he could tell that they had wanted to curl around _him._**

 

    You woke from the _strangest_ dream of Vani jerking it in the bathroom over some pictures of you. Hoo land, your mind could _do things_. You noticed you were on the floor, not a particularly comfortable place to sleep, and-

 

    Oh. ...You'd been jerked the fuck off. That's right. You _did_ feel an enormous sense of relief, over everything in life in general now. It was great, and you were going to take what you could get. ...And then your brain reminded you of the much still overhanging threat, and then your worry over Vani's safety started up again and- speaking of...

 

    You sat up to look around the room for him, but he was absent. You quickly gathered up your clothes, planning to dress and go look for him, but you were in your own home for god sake, so if you wanted to actually clean up 'after,' you damn well could now.

 

    Using your balled up pile of clothes to cover direct line of sight to your bits, you ventured forth, opening the door to his room and stepping out.

 

    "Oh, hello," you greeted him, finding him to be on the way back from wherever.

 

    Finding him was much easier than you thought it would be. You figured he went off to train or destroy stuff or something (maybe ruminate against a tree somewhere), bored of you sleeping all the time. But here he was.

 

    "Uh, sorry I conk out all the time, I um, I was just gonna clean up and um..." You realized the unequilibrium of jerkin' that had happened. "Okay, this is probably gonna sound weird if I just straight out ask, but um, I'm all about equal opportunity jerk-offs, and uh..."

 

    You coughed, as he watched you expectantly, like he knew where this was going, and he surely did.

 

    "Do yoOuUuu..." You made vague gestures.

 

    "Do I...?"

 

    He trailed off the last word, and he clearly knew, and you both knew he clearly knew, but he went for it anyway.

 

    "You know," you stated as a fact, because he knew.

 

    "Mmm...maybe I don't?"

 

    He was really committed to this, wasn't he? Even though it was all very clearly a bit and he wasn't even trying to pretend it wasn't. You sighed heavily, deciding to humor him, just to make him happy this once.

 

    "Do you want me to jerk you off?" You said in a completely flat voice, disconnecting to get it out there.

 

    He faked mild surprise and thinking about it for a moment. You stared at him, deadpan.

 

    "I haven't decided yet. ...Here's an idea!"

 

    He trapped you to his side with an arm around your shoulders, and you had a flashback to one of your first ever encounters with him. You were also very intrigued by whatever had him so concerningly excited all of a sudden. You were happy to see him as anything that wasn't negative, you wanted it to happen more often, but that didn't mean it always wasn't concerning, given his special type of excitement.

 

    He pulled out what looked to be a small pile of photos, with them facing away from you. Oh lord, if he took embarrassing pictures of you sleep-... oh no. You seized up, already getting a blood rush to your face at the possibility of what those were. Your face was also expressing the panicked meltdown you were experiencing.

 

    "Now, do you know what _these_ are?" He waved them around mockingly.

 

    You _clearly_ did, and you were _clearly_ right, if he was acting this way. ...help. He brought them up to his face and turned them so that only he could see. You weren't sure you _wanted_ to see. ...You kind of did, out of a deathly curiosity, but you also kind of didn't. He got an absolutely _giddy_ evil grin on his face as he admired whatever he was looking at.

 

    Well, at least he was happy, that was great, especially after everything. ... _but._ Concern over what was in those pictures weighed heavy all around you. You thought you might die. If he was literally looking at what you thought he was looking at...you started to sink lower, wanting to disappear through the ground. You didn't get far, as he held you firmly in place.

 

    " _This_ one is my favorite. ...What do you think?"

 

    He _finally_ turned them toward you so you could see fully. Your brain stopped.

 

    ...

 

    It felt like everything was exploding and melting down at the same time.

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    What...?

 

    Were you looking at? You thought, had hoped, you would at least look _passable_. But this was...

 

    Unbelievable.

 

    It was unbelievable.

 

    ...

 

    You wanted to fuck _yourself_.

 

    _HOT **DAMN**_.

 

    Then you noticed _Vanitas_ in the picture, and how he was _looking directly into the camera as he sucked on your ear like he was trying to and wanted to fuck you through space-tim_ _e_. ...It worked. You officially popped in combustion. Would have fallen to the side slowly if his arm wasn't around you. So instead, your legs gave out completely, and now you were sitting on the floor, brain dead. He followed you down, sitting by your side casually, like this was no big thing.

 

    "...Well?" He insisted.

 

    It barely registered. This was death. You were staring at the bright light of ascension. The vary same picture that caused it waved in front of your face.

 

    "Not your favorite? There are plenty more, don't worry."

 

    Brightness. Brightness all around you. Was this...divine understanding? The universe was _inside_ of you. You saw everything. Then another picture was shown to you in the middle of your grand amazement. You felt practically cross-eyed as you zoned in on it.

 

    Your face was turned to press into the side of his face, and you looked like you were having... You couldn't even _think describe_ it to yourself. You were having a heck of a _moment_. And there was Vani again, with an incredibly heated stare into the camera with the force of 3000 suns, and somehow it and he and you and everything in the picture was so much more intense than the first one-

 

    You broke again, falling over onto your side, curled in a ball with your arms covering, protecting, and hiding your far more than overwhelmed face.

 

    "Still not a favorite?"

 

    Just from the way he announced the question, you could tell he was having a _grand_ ole fuckin' time. You...you were just in the middle of a breakdown, and you weren't even sure yet how you felt because of it. How _did_ you feel? ...It was currently pretty much just a blanket statement of overwhelmed embarrassment and amazement. You would have to dissect whatever came after later...you know, when it actually came.

 

    "I have a few more, whenever you're done...with _that_."

 

    You would be a floor ball as long as you damn well wanted, thank you very much. ... Wait.

 

    "There's...more?" You croaked out.

 

    You didn't see it, but you could easily imagine his grin.

 

    "Of _course_. I didn't want to _disappoint_ you."

 

    Alright, asshole, you're having fun. You got it. ...He's having fun... Oh no. Your heart was warming. Shit, stop this madness...! ...You lost. You didn't even fight it, to be honest. Why would you? You slowly forced yourself to uncurl. Squinted over to him. Breathed a long breath through your nose. Then flopped over next to him on your back.

 

    "...Fine," you begrudgeoned.

 

    He looked...almost genuinely happy for a moment amidst the evil giddiness. You thought it was the specific way his smile at your agreement spread across his face, right before the sadistic snark set back in. ...You cherished that second, tried to memorize it. Remembered the only other time you'd seen a genuine smile from him. It seemed they were very small, or very brief.

 

    You didn't have time to lament, because another photo was shoved before your face. Oh, _lord_. _Dear God._ _Aughck._ It... You were... _Ahem_. In the moment of ultimate passion, and _he_ was...not looking at the camera for once, because he was looking at _you_ , and he looked not only _affected_ , but...... Affectionate??? No, no, that _was_ what you were looking at- _ack_ -

 

    You partially _splooged_ just looking at it. You tried to cover up how your body jerked a bit, but it was probably obvious. He took the photo back out of your vision, and you saw him raise a very interested eyebrow at you from your peripheral vision. Because you couldn't look him directly in the eye at this moment. You would die. Of splooge.

 

    Something else was shown to you, and you braced yourself under the rapid fire. Another one of...' _ultimate moment_ ,' except this time he was looking into the camera again, and his look clearly spelled out 'I can and will do this to you again.' You clenched up a bit, trying to avoid obvious... who were you kidding, it was obvious.

 

    Another one swapped out with that one, and it was more sedated, after everything, where you looked _out_. But there was... The thing was... That Vani had his face pressed into your head. That he was actually snuggling you of his own volition. When you hadn't even known about it. And he looked _openly_ affectionate. He wasn't trying to hide it at all. It was like a confession of love for him to even show you this.

 

    Your heart and being were overcome with a surging swell of lov- then another picture came in.

 

    ...

 

    OH YOUR GFHDJFJDAF THERE WAS NO WAY YOUR DREAM WAS-SDFAJLAKkedfakdfhfhfheahhh...

 

    He looked like he was forcing himself to open his eyes and stare into the camera as he came, and he was blatantly open and vulnerable looking, the most you had _ever_ seen him-

 

    You were done. You _launched_ yourself at him, knocking him over onto the floor as you lied on top of him, kissing the living sense out of him. This time, _you_ shoved your hot tongue into his mouth and stroked it in circles around his. You actually managed to get a surprised noise out of him, and you were... _Fuck_ , it was like you were _blazing_ inside.

 

    You wanted to fully make him lose his mind. You rubbed your hand against his still suited crotch, which drew another surprised sound. You broke off the kiss to fake tear at his suit.

 

    " _Off_ ," you growled against his lips.

 

    It _felt_ like there was the force of hellfire behind your eyes as you stared directly into his, and there must have _been_ , because he looked half way to actually frazzled. You started to feel skin against the hand that rested on his abdomen.

 

    " _Good boy_ ," you growled through your grin.

 

    You went right back into the heat of his mouth, dipping your tongue beneath his, rubbing against sensitive, soft areas. You got another sound, one that half sounded like he was objecting, half like he wasn't _sure_ he wanted to object. You weren't fucking done. You felt _power hungry_ and _drunk_ off of it.

 

    You pulled back, latched onto his neck with your mouth, gently pressing your teeth in, pressing your tongue against his skin. Your hand went into his mouth, in much the same way he had once done to you, and played with his tongue with your fingers. _Another_ surprised noise, that you heard in blissful clarity thanks to holding his mouth open.

 

    You were _fully_ there, in a way you never had been before. You were going to. Fuck. Him. So much. You pulled back to survey his state of being. ... _Ooooh~ Honeyyy~_ You licked your lips in a shameless display of how hungry you were to eat him up. He did look _flustered_ , and like he was _offended_ by the fact. Like he wanted you to _fuck him_ , but he wasn't sure how he felt about that fact.

 

    You would _show_ him how he felt about it. He was hard, and you delighted in his fully formed cock, running a single finger down the underside. You smiled at him like a loving 'cubus. He couldn't hide that shudder from you.

 

   You couldn't bear to wait, rising yourself up in a shameless display over his cock, looking him in the eye the entire time. He looked like he was having a breakdown and existential crisis behind those eyes. Because he didn't know how to deal with the fact that he was okay with being dominated by you.  _Letting_ you. For once, instead of the other way around.

 

    You would make _alllll_ of that go away. Make him feel _good_. You let out a purposeful cry as you slid down onto him and he slipped in. You were going to _enjoy_ this. His head knocked back down onto the carpet from where he had been watching you so closely. His eyes forced shut, inhale sharp. You wanted to _consume_ every reaction you could get.

 

    You started riding him freely, crying out in joy at how good it felt to be pumping him in and out of you. You forced your eyes to stay open, needing to _see_ him, _see_ what this _did_ to him. At first, he scrunched his eyes shut, grit his teeth, and breathed sharply through his nose. But the forces of you around him, how you didn't stop _moving_ on him, started to win out.

 

    His face became more relaxed, mouth falling open to breath in hot breaths of enjoyment, and you enjoyed the particular slant of his furrowed brow. Then, keeping your current pace, you slid a hand up to rub one of his nipples.

 

    " ** _Ahugck_.**"

 

    It was beautiful. You took a screenshot of this moment, a full one, that had the movement and sound of several seconds. You wished you had the camera. Could show him how _fucking_ arousing and hot he was right now. Satisfied, feeling something building, you focused on _riding the living daylights out of him_. You yelled out at the intense goodness of it, your own eyes closing tight, focusing on the feeling of him in you, of him _moving around_ in you, of the fact that _you were causing that-_

 

    " _Ah!_ "

 

    He started ramming himself up into you as best as he could, his control completely lost. Yours was gone too, and you both found the perfect rhythm to move into each other, pace as fast as you could set. Your voice pitch spiked, and you were not lost to the fact that _he_ had cried out in _pure_ _ecstasy_ several times now. It practically sent you over the edge on its own, if his cock being pounded into you at such a rapid rate didn't do it.

 

    You came hard, your insides clenching all around him, and you were keenly aware of it as he shoved himself up into your tight hole a few more times before hilting. You relished the fullness as you spasmed around him. You were aware of the fact that he was currently shooting himself off deep inside of you, and imagining how he was permanently staining you with _himself_ in such a way made you whimper with how much you wanted that.

 

    You couldn't anymore. Your arms gave out, and you collapsed on top of him. You were just going to lie there until he slipped out of you on his own. And you did, listening to the sound of his breathing, catching your own breath. You didn't plan on falling asleep this time. No, you were far too energized to see him _after_. _Giddy_ about it, in fact.

 

    You propped yourself up on shaky arms to see him. Greet him. Say hello. You smiled. He wasn't even looking at you yet. His head was fallen to the side, eyes closed. He slowly cracked them open, blinking a few times before shifting his head to look at you. You beamed at him in a big closed eye grin, practically the sun.

 

    " ** _Ugh._** "

 

    You looked, still smiling, at his worn-out-ly disgruntled face. Gave him a _very_ loving smooch, cooing into it. He grunted in an almost submissive, given up way. You nuzzled your nose into his, then went 'boop!' as you booped your noses together. He looked like he was partially horrified by the disgusting amount of 'cute as fuck snugs' you were blatantly and freely giving. Like he wanted to turn to the side and hurl. Offended by it. Insulted by it. Couldn't even believe it.

 

    "I love you," you soothed at him truthfully.

 

    ...

 

    Oh, no. Why, why, whywhywhy _whywhywhy_ was he crying oh god he looked so hurt oh god oh no fuck what did you do-

 

    "It hurts," he confessed to you like a dark secret on his death bed.

 

    You didn't know what to do, you were panicking- a sob ripped through your throat, your vision became worse, now you were crying too-

 

    "I'm sorry," you choked out. "I don't know what I did but I'll never do it again."

 

    It was the truth. You didn't understand what was happening or why, but you would never do whatever caused it again, because you could tell you were the cause of it.

 

    " **I-idiot!** " He tried to snarl at you through his current state, covering his eyes with his arm. " **It's your fault I'm feeling this, it's _your fault!_** " He voice was barely an airy whisper as he struggled to speak. " **It hurts,** " he repeated, ripping his arm away to look at you desperately, like he was begging you for help.

 

    You didn't know what to do, you just wanted to help him so badly. You tried to reach out with comfort to his hear- A strangled cry of pain ripped out of him as he clutched at his chest.

 

    " **That's the _problem_ , you- _fucking-_** "

 

    He struggled onto his side, and you got off him quickly, giving him room to maneuver and do whatever he needed to do. You wanted to help, didn't know how, worried over him so much, just wanted to _help_ -

 

    " **Stop it!** " He barked at you angrily, as well as he could in his state. His everything shifted. " **...stop it,** " he begged.

 

    _You_ were hurting him. And all you could tell was that you even _caring_ was hurting him. You _cared_ , and he felt it, and it _hurt him_. You shook your head in horror, backing away from him. You needed to help him, but that was _hurting_ him, and _you_ were hurting him-

 

    So you ran away. That was all you could do to help. Because it was _you_ that hurt him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to a certain commenter, I hope you enjoy Reader acting on their urge to ride the living daylights out of Vanitas. I hope you know who you are, I just don't want to call out your name in case you don't want to be called out.
> 
> Also :'(
> 
> why does this always happen
> 
> CAN'T THEY/WE JUST BE HAPPY


	49. New Things to Do

**He knew the way to their heart. So he decided to try something completely different for once.**

 

**He got more than he bargained for. The amount of pure _love_ that they felt toward him afterwards was suffocating, crashed into him like a hurricane wave. It had been far too much. It felt like he was _breaking inside_. It clashed horribly with what he was, especially after his recent re-encounter with it. After he wasn't used to all this to begin with. After he wasn't used to what he was already getting from them now. He couldn't deal with it. He didn't know how to _deal with it_.  
**

 

**He was grateful they had half a brain cell and actually figured out that _they_ were the problem, and left. It helped, the distance, but it could only do so much, and he felt a bitter emptiness where they had been, despite them being the _problem_. He tried to take time to re-balance, but it was difficult. He had been so thrown off.**

 

**Not in a million years, would he have predicted _Sam_ would walk up to him with a well of negative emotions for him to draw from, to stabilize himself with. Also not in a million years, would he have predicted he would end up curled around them, and them curled into him, as he used them as a literal support system.  
**

 

    ...

 

    Here you were.

 

    ...

 

    Sitting, leaning against a tree.

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    _Butt-ass-naked_.

 

    You sighed in frustration and sadness, head falling back with a light _thunk_ against the tree bark. Ah, there it was. _Guilt_. The last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt him, but there it was. Again. Unintentionally, but it kept happening. All you figured you could do was wait out here for a while, hope he got to a point of okay enough to get more distance himself if he needed it.

 

    Because you had to go back at some point. Because clothes. Because _naked_. It was very uncomfortable, out here in nature, with no clothes. You were just grateful it was an unpopulated area. You got up to walk around, picked up a stick, tapped it against a tree a few times, trying to take your mind off of Vani, because ironically, that would be what would help him right now. You plucked some long blades of grass, tried to weave them together.

 

    ...

 

    Fuck, grass was hard to work with. You kept trying.

 

    ...

 

    THIS IS FRUSTRATING AND UNFULFILLING. You tossed your mess of grass away. ...At least it distracted you from Vani for a few minutes. Damn it, you're thinking of him again. Shit. Uhhhh... You looked around desperately for another distraction. ...HERE'S AN IDEA. LET'S STACK A BUNCH OF STICKS TOGETHER, THAT'LL DO IT.

 

    You continued to kill time as best as you could. After a while, you were just back to a worrying mess over Vani, because it had been so long and you wondered how he was doing. _Shit_. _Stop worrying_. It's not helping him. ...AUGH, IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, WHAT THE FUCK? You lightly stomped your bare foot in frustration.

 

    It had been long enough, right? You could get your clothes, go into town, STRESS EAT. That'll be a GREAT distraction!!! ...Uuuuugggghhhh. You turned to the nearest tree to press your face into it, ended up hugging it. ...What a stupid comfort. ...But it was something. You shook yourself out thoroughly, which felt weird to do naked- fuck, you needed your clothes.

 

    You made your way back at a slowly moderate pace, hoping to hope that he was gone and had recovered some by now. So you wouldn't bother him just by going to get your clothes. And, hopefully, you could even clean 'forest' off of you. A hot shower sounded like _heaven_ right now.

 

    When you got back, the place was deserted, thankfully. Thank. Fuck. You breathed out a massive sigh of relief, your body immediately dragging you to the shower as if by a magical force. You and your body wanted that hot water _now_.

 

    ...

 

    Finally, clean, back in clothes, and somewhat more relaxed. You stopped by upstairs, remembering the picture of Sam you took. You wanted it as comfort right now, so you grabbed it up, stared at it lovingly, tucked it away. Then you wondered where Sam was. You didn't think they were anywhere nearby, that you could tell. You _felt_ like they weren't around, like you could sense them that way. Maybe you could.

 

    You figured maybe they followed after Vanitas, wherever he went. You got an image in your head of him at the Burnt Forest, maybe he went there. You took a moment to lie on the bed before you headed out to town.

 

    ...

 

    SsssssSSSTRESS EAT. Every food at the bistro? Give it to you. You scarfed down a lot, and took some to go. All in all, you felt much better now, clean, clothed, and with warm food achieved. You figured you would head back home, but...thinking about when you would see Vanitas again, not knowing how long that would take...not to mention you worried if he was even okay... You thought you should stock up on some things.

 

    For that matter, move all the stuff still sitting out in the woods to the mansion. So, you had something to do, but, the question was...what did you want to _get?_ What kind of things could you present to Vani at the mansion that would be fun/activities. ...Oh, that's right.

 

    Munny. Which you just spent all of the remaining on food. You wanted to collapse in a ragdoll heap in the middle of the road. But you had WORK to do! The 'oo' of 'do' echoed in your head as you stood there, unwilling to move yet.

 

    ...Okay, _now_ you would go. You went at it, getting enough to buy _some_ things. You rested against a wall, not sure what to get, though. You put good hard thought into it. You wanted something different, something you could do together, but also maybe just something for him, given current circumstance. New board game? Eh, maybe. What aboooout... You thought for good while.

 

    Brilliance struck you. Model cities. Or objects in general. It was something to do, putting them together. And then came the fun part, well, at least to him, you figured. A tiny version of something. That he could do whatever he wanted to. Make a plane have a horrific crash? Check. Build up a city or structure only to tear it down? Check. ...Boats. ...Boats could _sink_.

 

    Yes, yes. _YyEeeeess_ , it was _perrrrfect_. You rubbed your hands together in anticipatory glee, quickly going around to any shop you could find, even asking around for where you could buy such things. You found a couple hobby stores, and they had a lot of cool shit. Heck, you wanted to buy stuff from them for _yourself_. So you got a starter paint kit and a blank car model. This tiny fake car was about to get _jacked_ in hecka cool paint.

 

    And of course, you got a buildable boat and replica of the clock tower train station for Vani. You couldn't afford the plane or other city stuff yet, but you would get there. Bundle of (awesome) stuff proudly in hand, you jaunted back to home sweet home. You put the stuff on the (big ass table) desk in the bedroom for now, ready to call it a day.

 

    Your sleep could have been worse, could have been better, as your thoughts were still revolving around Vanitas, and, even Sam now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader is dealing with forced separation again. They both are, really. And Sam is new to the mix.


	50. Permanent Resident

    When you woke, you had a thought. If Vani-Vanitas (god, you were even using both of his names at once now) didn't show up again today, or Sam for that matter, you were going to...start a garden. Yes, that was it. Plant some shit. You headed downstairs, thinking of what you would do. An excited yip from behind Vanitas' door got your full attention.

 

    "Sam?!" You called, running to open the door.

 

    As soon as it was open, they sprung out and greeted you excitedly. You laughed and pet the frick out of them lovingly. Then you heard the noise of a very _aggravated_ human. You looked up to see Vanitas come just within the light from the doorway. He looked _grumpy_. You hadn't expected him to be here at all. You looked at him in surprise. Barely stopped yourself from asking if he was okay and flinging yourself at him for a hug. Because that wouldn't help right now.

 

    "Keep it _down_ , you annoying _pests_."

 

    He slammed the door shut roughly in your face. ... You took a moment to process that. He was alive, he was 'okay'ish, he was here. You were happy. He was also what looked to be sleep deprived and not in the best condition. So you would leave him be in peace. You made a 'shh' motion to Sam and tip-toed away with them.

 

**Their feeling of happiness was so _loud_ , could they just be _quiet_. He retreated back to his secluded dark corner for more much needed recuperation.**

 

    Outside the front door, you breathed in the fresh air, feeling REJUVENATED! LAND, WHAT A _GREAT_ DAY! You 'heehee'd to yourself, happy. Just _knowing_ that Vani-Vanitas was okay and here took a massive load of potential long term worry off your shoulders. You wondered how he would feel if you called him 'Vani-Vanitas.' The full fancy and beautiful sounding bit. You would have to try it.

 

    For now, you thought you would carry out your plans of working some more, then maybe trying to plant some shit. You looked to Sam, who sat next to you outside the door. They looked up at you curiously.

 

    "Do you wanna come to work with me? Or hang out here?"

 

    They woofed and stood up, seemingly ready to go. Guess they were coming along then. They ended up waiting for you under the job board, tired out from trying to keep up with you going around everywhere. After another job done, you came back to see a couple of kids petting Sam, and Sam was _ecstatic_ at the attention. They rolled around on the ground as they received hearty pets.

 

    One of the kids stood and turned in excitement to yell at someone they knew about the 'dog,' and ended up accidentally stepping on Sam's tail. They cried out in pain and the kid immediately jumped off and started apologizing. Sam backed away from them, looking so _fucking_ sad.

 

    You tried. _So hard_. Not to fly off the handle in full parental rage protection mode, because they were kids and it was an accident, and they were even saying 'sorry' to Sam. So instead, you restrained yourself to saying, "Please don't step on my dog."

 

    They turned in horror and started apologizing profusely, and you couldn't tell if they meant it, were trying to avoid getting in trouble, or both. You sighed.

 

    "Look, it's okay, just be more careful. And it's _Sam_ you should be apologizing to."

 

    Having learned the 'dog's name, they turned back to Sam and said 'We're sorry, Sam,' in perfect unison. You were partially creeped out, partially appreciative that they weren't brats. But _Sam_ , looked so hurt and sad. They looked up at them both with the biggest, saddest, unversed puppy eyes you had ever seen. Like they were saying, 'You mean it?'

 

    Both the kids were _terribly_ affected by Sam's overwhelming emotional expression, and they both kept saying how sorry they were while petting Sam again, trying to make it up. Sam slowly came around, until they were rolling on the ground again, just _slightly_ more reserved, and keeping their tail out of the way. Thank God there was a peaceful resolution to this, so you didn't have to raise hell. Because for Sam, you would.

 

    The kids asked if they could play with Sam for a while. You looked to Sam, asking them internally if that was okay with them. Sam barked out an affirmative 'yes.'

 

    "Well, it seems to be okay with them, so go ahead. Just remember, **_be careful_**."

 

    You didn't _mean_ to sound overly threatening, but it slipped out anyway. Oops. The kids laughed nervously, apologized again, said they would be careful, then ran off a little ways with Sam following after them. They started playing tag, and all seemed well, so you went off to your next job. You were happy Sam was making friends.

 

    When you came back again-... It was not what you were expecting, let truth be told. A whole _gaggle_ of people stood in a large semi-circle around Sam and the kids, as they ran around with a stick, taking turns catching it and running around with it. You felt that Sam was _feeding_ off of all the positive energy they were surrounded by, that they were energized by it.

 

    Being in their proximity, they shared a small portion of it with you, and you laughed along with the crowd at the cute antics in wonder. You _basked_ in the positive feelings they were sharing with you, unable to stop smiling. You needed this. You wondered if any of the people here could feel Sam's influence at all. Probably not, that wouldn't make sense, but everyone seemed so friggin' _happy_ at/by the cute dog.

 

    Eventually, after a solid fill of cuteness, things settled down. Sam was tired out in a good way, and the kids had to go, so they said goodbye and parted ways, hoping to see each other again. Things went back to normal in the area, and you heard a few passing 'What a cute dog!'s. 'A bit unusual, though, what breed is that?'

 

    You smiled in secret knowing. Sam came up and collapsed at your feet. You smiled at them, okay with the fact that you would have to carry them back. They didn't weigh much anyway, and it doubled as snugs. And you got to help them. _Triple_ win. You picked them up, deciding to head back now.

 

    You still had stuff to carry in from when you didn't do it yesterday from being tired. And if you really wanted to plant something, if you weren't somehow tired out by then, you would just search for herbs to transplant. ...You didn't have a shovel. Oh! Maybe Vanitas could help, since he seemed to be so good at keyblading up dirt. ...Or you could use the crowbar that you were going to bring in, and your hands, but... Ick. So much difficulty and clean up. Still, it... _might_ _?_ work?

 

    Back at the mansion, you dropped off Sam inside the door. They were already sound asleep after yawning so _fucking cutely_ several times on the trip back. You looked to Vani's door. Everything seemed fine still. You went out to gather the things up, making a mental note to buy Vani at least a blanket, because blankets were the best.

 

    You got out to all the stuff, and stared at the rented wheelborrow. ...Looks like your munny was going to the late fees. Heck, you had enough now that you could probably outright buy it, you'd had a very productive day. You piled everything into it, dumped everything out in the mansion (which Sam perked up their head at, then went right back to sleep), before you headed back to town, to take care of it before you forgot again.

 

    You luckily had enough to pay the fees _and_ outright buy it. What a profitable day. Though, they did give you a bit of a stink eye for having forgotten for so long. Whatever, it was done, praise the Lord. You bought an ice cream on the way back with the rest of your munny. The cold treat was splendid and rejuvenating. At least, it got you back.

 

    You were ready for bed when you entered the door. Sam was still sleeping, curled up, as content as could be. You looked to Vanitas' door again. Wondered if it was okay yet to bother him. Would it hurt if you just knocked and asked? Oh! Here's an idea.

 

    You went and got his gifts, brought them back down. You could just leave them here for him if he still didn't want to be bothered. ...Wished you had a blanket to give him too, but now you had to save up munny again for that. He deserved a _nice_ blanket, dammit! You knocked.

 

    "Uh, I just wanted to say 'hi'! ...Hi!" Quiet. "Uh, I left some stuff-"

 

    The door opened. He stared at you, seemed a bit grumpled, but much better than he looked to be doing earlier.

 

    "...Hi!" You greeted, semi-nervous, mostly happy to see him.

 

    He stared at you. Breathed out a long breath through his nose. Looked like he was going to say something, then just stared at you harder, almost a glare, as if that _was_ his greeting.

 

    "Heh heh," you nervoused. "Well, um... Stuff! Here!" You held out the items to him. He stared, blank, at what was foreign to him. "They're things you build! And then can subsequently _destroy_ in creative ways!" You explained to him in a fun sales pitch. "They have instructions inside, so I'll leave you be since you probably don't want to be both-"

 

    He yanked you inside of his room as soon as you started backing up.

 

    **He couldn't stand to be _away_ from them as much as he couldn't stand to be around them.**

 

     Once inside with the door shut behind you, you blinked at the darkness. Goodbye, vision. You felt one of the kits grabbed from you, heard things rattle around inside the box as he assumedly looked it over.

 

    "Why? Why make something only to destroy it? Isn't it easier to destroy something that's already made?" He questioned.

 

    "Well, yes, BUT. It's just something to do, ya know? Pass the time, have something to do, I already said that. Uh... I don't know, yeah, I thought it might be fun for you to build a boat and then chuck it into the ocean and watch it sink with maniacal glee or something. ...Lemme know if I'm completely off course here."

 

    You heard the box rattle again.

 

    "It sounds..."

 

**Fun.**

 

    There was a silence.

 

    " _Interesting_. Enough."

 

    He didn't outright call it stupid? What the heck? What was this sorcery? This magic? Wait, he was ON BOARD-

 

    "AWESOME! DUDE! We could totally sabotage it," you started whispering conspiratorially to him, "like, you can make the inside of it intentionally built wrong so it totally goes down in water, EEEEEE, this is going to be so much fun!"

 

    Since when were _you_ so into the destruction? You'd always enjoyed it passively, seeing him do it, how happy it made _him_ , but now that you were brainstorming sinking this small fake boat together, you found you were _into_ it. Whether it be just because you got to do it _with_ him and he was actually on board, which was fun enough of itself, or if you also just wanted to sink this boat suddenly for whatever reason.

 

    _Genius_ struck you again. You gasped a big dramatic gasp.

 

    " _Duuude._ _You should put the model of the train station on the tracks right before a train is there so it **runs over it. A TRAIN RUNNING OVER ITS OWN STATION! AHAHAHAHAHA!**_ "

 

    You continued to laugh maniacally. When did you gain such a destructive brilliance? Had you always been this way? You slowly settled down. You would have looked at Vani, but you would have hardly seen him in the dark anyway.

 

**Something was going on with them. They were being weird again, having one of those out of place moments that always threw him off. He didn't know how to feel about it.**

 

     You looked down at the box you still had, as best you could see it anyway. Thought about how you were both going to build something if it was in the dark. Well, he would have no problem. You sat down on the floor, ready to let him have his way at building on his own, in his dark haven. If that's what he wanted.

 

    "So. You wanna build-" You were cut off by your own yawn. "Ah, shit. I forgot I was tired for a sec. Mmf." You rubbed at your sleepy eyes. "I can't help it, I was excited to see you!" Shit, you didn't wanna separate now, just 'cause you had to sleeeEEP "OVER! THAT'S IT! I- wait. Uh. Is it weird? If I drag my blankets and shit down here to sleep in?" What you were saying is- "Is that? Okay with you?"

 

    You were all over the place, worn out from the day, still an emotionally recovering train wreck. You could hardly see his face, but you thought maybe it looked questioning? Whether you were insane? Or was he thinking about it? Both? Neither?

 

    "...I won't stop you," he said dismissively, moving to a different part of the room to sit down and glare over all the parts in the kit after he dumped them out.

 

    You would take it. You slumped your tired body up the stairs and back, resisting the temptation to fall right into your bed as soon as you got there. Sam was still sleeping curled up by the door, practically the guard sentry to 'Pile of Stuff.' You re-entered Vani's room, seeing him better with the light from the doorway streaming in.

 

    He glared at the instruction sheet like it had personally offended him. All seemed to be well and right in the world. You closed the door softly, not wanting to disturb his deep buildy thunks, then set up your little sleepy station on the other side of the room. Not too far over, you didn't want to roll into pointy broken table friend during your sleep.

 

    You curled up all nice and snug, feeling at peace with everything the way it was, for the first time in a while. One exception, but you didn't think about that now. Now was happy sleepy times, because everyone you cared about was here, and they were okay. That was what mattered.

 

 **He watched them fall asleep, wrapped in blankets, in _his_ room. Where they had _chosen_ to sleep. Something about being able to do his own thing in his own space, with them just being _nearby_ , _unobtrusively_... It was satisfying. Brought him back to a further state of balance.** **  
**

 

 **"** Mm, by the by. **" He thought they were asleep. "** If you wanna use the bed upstairs or this blanket thing with me, ya know, if you get tired, wanna sleepy-sleep, feel, **" yawn, "** free. **"**

 

**Then they were back out like they hadn't spoken in a half asleep state to begin with. And of course they felt like they had to offer him something. He would have taken it if he wanted it either way, but they seemed to feel the need to preemptively tell him that they were okay with it.**

 

**...Whatever. That was just them. ...He was going to have this scrap material of a boat _blow their mind_ tomorrow.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mm, give me that good happy shit.


	51. Show

    Something shoved you in the shoulder, disrupting your peaceful slumber.

 

    "Wake up already."

 

    You made a noise of unhappy protest, wriggling your arms out of their snug spot under the blanket to bat your hands around at whatever was bothering you. Something torpedoed through your lame defenses to make a small unpleasant bonk on your forehead.

 

    "Gah!" You protested, becoming much more awake.

 

    You sat up to glare daggers at whatever- of course it's Vanitas. So you stared him down through squinty eyes of judgement.

 

    "Hurry up, we're going to the beach."

 

    What? You took stock and noticed that Vanitas had a boat looking thing tucked away under his arm. You gasped in delight.

 

    "Is that-?! _THE_ boat?!"

 

    He finished it already? Did he stay up all night to- wait, what time was it? You actually didn't know.

 

    Prideful scoff. "Yes." Prideful posture. "...Stop wasting time."

 

    He opened up a portal already and his eagerness was rubbing off on you. You stood up out of your blanket snug, quickly following him when he barely waited for you. You both came out at an area of the beach you'd never seen before. It was more secluded, dark rocky walls on both sides making entry difficult. You weren't sure where on the grand map of Twilight Town you even were.

 

    You could tell from the current sunset cycle positioning that it was early morning. ...That was a weird sentence. You looked over to Vanitas, who stepped to the edge of the shoreline, and you wondered what all he had planned that he wanted both of you out here so quickly. Both of you...oh darn, what about Sam? What if they wanted to see this?

 

    "Hey, what-"

 

    You didn't get to ask, because he was already in motion. He chucked the boat out into the water in such a way that it _sliced_ through it at rapid speed in its forward momentum. You shouted in surprise at the power of the boat, quickly noticing now that it had some kind of funky darkness going on around it. Apparently he did _something_ to make that boat... _something_.

 

    He guided it around with Void Gear as a conducting baton of sorts, and you marveled at how it followed the command of the darkness that had gathered around the tip. After a couple passes of barreling through the mild waves, a made a dramatic flourish of a downward motion, and the boat plummeted down to disappear beneath the water.

 

    Several beats passed where everything was still. Your heart raced in anticipation, your breath held. He swung both of his arms back upward in a grand sweeping sudden motion. The boat rocketed up out of the water, high into the air. Vanitas stabbed Void Gear down into the sand, twisting it once like he was turning a key.

 

    You couldn't see it, but you _sensed_ something inside the boat unlock and start swelling. Only a second later, the boat _exploded_ outward in many tiny shattered pieces. You shouted in shock at the force of it. They fell into the ocean in a wide radius of _plonk_ s.

 

    You heard a sigh of relief from the 'conductor' of the performance, now that it was over.

 

    "It's annoying to hold something so concentrated in such a small, specific space."

 

    He turned to you with a very _specific_ look. The one that made you see him as a prideful king peacock, one that expected praise from his subjects, because he just did something magnificent for them. ...Well. Who were you to judge. That was AWESOME!

 

    Your entire body posture broke out in a big grin and a growing shrill noise. You hopped in place before throwing yourself upon him in a big loving glomp. There wasn't much give, he had braced _well_ , knowing it was coming. Which resulted in you sliding toward his side a bit from the force and the smooth enough texture of his garb.

 

    He certainly didn't move to catch you, so you had to right yourself, hopping off him to regain a straight balance. ...Alright then. Words it was.

 

    "That was so cool!" You gushed.

 

    He continued to stand there, soaking it all in like a cat absorbing a sunbeam. He clearly thought he deserved it. And you thought he deserved it. You awkwardly patted him on the shoulder in a show of support.

 

    "Good...job?"

 

    Right? That was accurate? That was what he wanted? You didn't want to somehow end up insulting him in some roundabout way, which led you to be careful with your words. You wanted him to actually be able to feel proud of what he had done. You reaffirmed yourself and him with a solid head nod.

 

    "Yes. Good job," you supported firmly, strongly, with another shoulder pat and squeeze for good measure.

 

    Mmm...you appreciated his shoulder... Buh, wuh? You checked in on his face. A little exasperated. That was enough then, clearly. You withdrew your hand, cleared your throat.

 

    "Ahuh, yes, very impressive. So uh..."

 

    Where did you go from here? You just woke up and were tossed into this, give you a break. You would think of something. In fact, there were many things you could spend a day doing with him. You got that familiarity fuzzy feeling of just wanting to _talk_ to him more. He had walked over to take up leaning against a rockface, staring out at the horizon line.

 

    "...What gave you that idea?" He beat you to it, asking you something first.

 

    "Uh...which one?"

 

    _Now_ he had the look of long-suffering exasperation. He turned his head to stare at you, deadpan.

 

    " _This_ , idiot."

 

    ...Oooh, the boat. Right. That makes sense. You 'hmm'ed in thought.

 

    "I don't know, I guess I was just thinking about things you would like, stuff we could do. Ya know, that kind'a thing."

 

    He was thoughtful, quiet again as he looked away to contemplate. You looked out to watch the sea, enjoying the peace of the current environment. Felt a mild breeze, smelled the clean ocean. ...You liked it here. It was calm and inviting as you stood with him in comfortable silence. You wanted more days like this. Where it was just...peaceful. Where everything was okay. Where you could just be together.

 

    But.

 

    You worried. It felt like everything could be ripped out from under the both of you, with... _Luxu_ lurking around. For whatever reason, doing lord knew what. You considered disconnecting again, to check if anything had updated outside, but you doubted anything new had been posted yet. And you didn't want to leave unless you had to. Didn't want to leave Vani _alone_.

 

    "Hey, Vani-Vanitas," you called, using the full glorious nick-and-name.

 

    He gave you a side glance _look_. You tried to think of something to ask him. Something mundane.

 

    "What do you...think of oceans? Or lakes? Or bodies of water in general?"

 

    There, that was something. He looked a little confused by the question, but thought about it.

 

    "...Good for hiding stuff. Everything sinks to the depths."

 

    You had the feeling he could be speaking part figuratively.

 

    "Except wood. That floats," you supplied helpfully, dumbly.

 

    You almost laughed at how funny your own stupidity of pointing out the obvious was. Except it was a weird feeling. Like you were in the place of Vanitas. Just for a second. His eyes shot over to lock on to yours. You sensed a sudden intensity shift.

 

    "I need you to tell me something."

 

    Yup, there it was. You swallowed in preparation.

 

    "Do you... _feel_ this? Feel...me? The way I feel you?"

 

    He had his deep, sincere voice going. You felt the weight of what he was asking you.

 

    "I...I mean, I'm not you, so I can't speak to whether it's the same kind of feeling, or the same level, or...all that. I...I get...it's...confusing, honestly. Because I get glimpses sometimes, I think, or I _feel_ like I do... I...I don't know if that's actually you, if I'm imagining things, or... I do _feel_ things. I _get_ things from you, sometimes. I was just never 100% sure if I wasn't crazy and just _thought_ I was feeling it.

 

    I know...that at least when you _try_ to send something my way, _I get that. I get that shit hard_. But other times...I'll just... _get_ something, and it's all a weird mix, and I can't tell if it's you, me, _both_... Like I can't tell the difference." A silence passed as you tried to even figure out what you were saying. "Once again, I've explained this terribly." You heaved a big sigh. "...Sorry..."

 

**That was all he needed.**

 

**They _got it_.**

 

**Not on the same level, it seemed, but _they had it too_. _They knew what it felt like._**

 

**It was like a massive oppressive force suddenly lifted from him. He felt _gleeful_. **

 

**They got it.**

 

**_theygotittheygotittheygotit_**

 

 

    You were trying to figure out how to explain really hard to explain shit...when he started laughing. 'Laughing.' You couldn't even tell what kind of thing or feeling it was _supposed_ to convey, it just sounded a little insane and a lot concerning. You were terrified of something like ' _that_ ' happening again. It only went on for a bit before he was cut off, practically choked on the last syllable, and then it was dead.

 

    You stared, wide-eyed, at-the-ready to assist. But then he seemed fine.

 

    "You're doing it again," he pointed out to you.

 

    'Seemed.' 'Fine.' Was he? You stared hard, still at the ready, nerves on-lock with adrenaline.

 

    "Stop it. I'm fine. ...See?"

 

    He took out Void Gear and flipped it around, just for show. He didn't seem as annoyed with you as maybe you were used to when he told you to stop doing something, and you weren't sure if that counted toward 'fine' or 'not fine.' You squinted at him, but decided to let it go for now, since he seemed 'relatively' 'fine.' You wished you _had_ picked up on something from him in that moment, but you didn't. It was always weirdly timed and picky about when it happened. So it seemed like.

 

    "...Oh-kaaaay...I'll let it gooo...for noooww..."

 

    You weren't going to ask what the fuck it was if he didn't want to talk about it, and you let yourself relax a little, but in the back of your mind, you were still ready. For what? ...Who fucking knows. You slowly turned back to the ocean, and you heard him mutter 'finally.' You decided maybe it was a good idea to change the subject, talk about something more... _calming_ ish again. Like...

 

    "Hey...is Sam a dog because you _actually_ see me as the 'puppy that trips over itself'?"

 

    That wasn't 100% in the safety zone, but it was the first thing to come into your head, and it popped out of your mouth before it had permission. ...You probably would've ended up asking it anyway, since now it was in your head and _DAYUM_ were you curious. That was probably why it slipped out so easily. He looked at you like the answer was obvious.

 

    "...It's what you _are_."

 

    "...Alright, thanks."

 

    So that was that. It was true. ...You wanted to ask him something else, all sorts of questions. ...But you had to come up with them first.

 

**They carried on like normal. Except now he _knew_. That they _shared_ the connection. They didn't know how much that meant to him. ...He wasn't sure he could bring himself to tell them.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After everything that's happened...just give me like, a BUNCH of them just talking and hanging out. ...plz.


	52. Pictures in the Sand

    You could ask him anything. Anything at all. This was your chance. Free reign.

 

    "Hey, uh, for no particular reason, say, iiiifff...you were to obtain a blanket. What kind of blanket would you prefer? Hypothetically."

 

    "...You're going to buy me a blanket," he deduced.

 

    "Iiiiiiiiiiiiii. Never said that."

 

    "You did."

 

    "..."

 

    "..."

 

    "HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. What blanket type tickles your fancy?"

 

    He sighed through his nose, rolled his eyes and looked away in exasperation.

 

    "Whatever. ...You're wasting your munny anyway. If I wanted that, I could get that."

 

    "...But. What if it's just a nice gift I want to give you? For no particular reason, no pressure. You know how I do be. Giving people 'gifts.' I'm crazy like that."

 

    He looked at you like he was considering something.

 

    "...Why  _do_ you do that? Do you expect something in return?"

 

    "Nah, it's just nice. ...It doesn't have to be that complicated. Sometimes something's just nice. ...So you do it. 'Cuz nice. ...I don't know, it's nice to be nice. Am I explaining this well at all?"

 

    You weren't. Probably. Maybe. Maybe you were.

 

    "No."

 

    Welp. You sighed. Maybe it was best to change the topic. You had a million potential things to ask, after all.

 

    "What aboouut..."

 

    You cycled through your options. The problem of a lack of things in common and lack of similar world experience came up. You would find a way through it.

 

    "Hey! Flowers! ...Are a thing that exist! Plants! ...Am I right?!" Great, trees and shit, you'd both seen trees and shit, this was perfect. "...Hah'd'ya feel about _trees?_ " You emphasized 'trees' like it was a magic word.

 

    He stared at you like he was figuring out how to respond to a crazy person. ...Fair. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

 

    "Why?"

 

    "Because I want to talk to you, but I'm running into a lack of common topics. ...So trees."

 

    There was silence as you both stared at each other, trying to figure out how to respond to 'trees.' Then you had an idea. Which was great, because he had just asked a question.

 

    "What about them?"

 

    "Have you ever seen a maple leaf?" You started drawing a maple leaf in the sand as best as you could. "They're really pretty and you can get maple syrup from the trees."

 

    You finished up your drawing. It looked...maple leafish. Drawing in sand was hard. Drawing in general was hard. You thought you'd made a good attempt. You looked up to see his reaction. He'd slightly narrowed his eyes at it, head tilted just so.

 

    "You like these...'maple leaves?'"

 

    "They're pretty. ...I wish I could show you one... Hey, maybe the library has a book about trees with pictures! ...Wait, they would only have this world's trees..."

 

    You'd run into a brick wall. You looked down sadly at your maple leafish. It was quiet, and you tuned back in to the soothing sound of the waves. You heard movement in the sand. You looked over to see Vani scraping his own design out with Void Gear. You watched in great curiosity. Stood up to get the full view. It turned into a large drawing of...a smooth edged, ovalish shaped leaf?

 

    "Have you ever seen one bigger than half of you?"

 

    Oooh, its _size_ was impressive. You thought he drew it big, but that was supposed to be an accurate representation. You stared at it, trying to think of what it was and where it was from. Where _he_ could have seen it. Maybe Neverland? That place had large plant life out the ass.

 

    "Uh...I confess I have never seen one quite that large."

 

    He looked smug. Proud? That he had one-upped your leaf or something? Whatever, as long as he stuck his chest out like the peacock he was and was happy. You stared down at his image of a leaf in the sand. ...OH!

 

    "OH!" You jumped in place at your own idea. "Take a picture! Of the pretty sand leaves. ... _Our_ leaves," you gazed upon them in admiration.

 

    He rolled his eyes, but ended up tossing you the camera, before he went back to Brood Rock to lean against and stare out at the ocean some more. You thanked him chipperly, lined up, took the picture. Two of them. One for him, after all. You were going to go hand him his, but stopped immediately upon seeing the scene. ...It was perfect. _Click._

 

    And it came out perfect. Twilight sun over the calm sea as a backdrop, as he leaned against something in his typical manner, looking out into the horizon like he was thinking. It was... _beautiful_. _He_ was beautiful. Not just on the outside. It was his underlying strength of heart that really shone through. You pocketed it away as a secret keepsake.

 

    _Then_ you went over to hand him his proper sand leaf picture. You held it out to him, but he was either ignoring you, or lost in thought. So you held it in front of his face. His eyes honed in on it instantly.

 

    "What do you think? Of our sand leaves?"

 

    He took the picture, even if only to get it to give his face breathing room. He looked at it, fairly passive, but he was looking. Then he looked at you.

 

    "...Am I _supposed_ to think something of them?"

 

    "...Well. Uh. No? I don't know, I just thought they were pretty, so I thought you might have some thought, and I was wondering."

 

    "...They're fine."

 

    That was a pretty throw away answer, but he probably didn't know or have anything else to say. Still, he put it away on his person with a final glance. Then you held out the camera to him, for him to take it back, because you trusted him with it. Plus, he should just have something fun like that for himself. His eyes glanced at it, at you, then he snatched it from you and took a picture of you in one fell swoop.

 

    You blinked in surprise. He looked at the picture, smirked in appreciation, put it away before you could even see it.

 

    "Now we're even," he said while watching you with a smirk of knowing.

 

    ......Aaaaaaaaaah. He knew of your picture. You saw his game. If only you still had access to the camera, you would start a picture war. _Wait._ ...He was still holding it. ...Hadn't put it away. Holding it there in front of him still, watching you, and you could have sworn that was challenge in his eyes- You snatched it back, holding eye contact as you did it.

 

    You quickly back peddled as you took another picture of him, and he looked mildly surprised for a moment, but caught on quickly. He advanced on you faster than you could have hoped to escape, grabbing the camera back. _Snap_. But the war was far from over. You tried to quickly grab it back, much like he had just done to you, but he dodged away with his fanciness.

 

    You pursued, ending up chasing him around in circles on the small shore. He let you get close, even catch him sometimes, but he always slipped away from you again before you could get the camera back. And of course, all the while, he was still taking pictures. He laughed at your incompetence.

 

    "Can't even get one? Even when I'm going easy on you?"

 

    He mocked you as you stopped in the center of the shore, to catch your breath and restrategize.

 

    "So you're...going easy...on me," you got out between pants. "Why ever...would you do that? CLEARLY...I am..." You stopped for a moment to properly get your breath back. "I am just _teeming_ with physical prowess."

 

    "Really? Then catch."

 

    He tossed the camera up high in the air toward you, and you yelled in concern for the camera, scrambling to catch it. Which meant you were completely open and unguarded for him to come in and catch _you_ , which he did, right before also catching the camera. Now you were getting your bearings from the sudden hectic shift, still concerned about the camera, looking around for it even as you were squished to him.

 

    He held it up near your face so you could see it. You exhaled a large breath and went limp in enormous relief. He looked so smug and satisfied, having caught both you and the camera.

 

    "You're lucky you and I both have confidence in your catching ability, or I would be very pissed you threw it like that."

 

    "I wouldn't miss. ...Even if I did, getting another is easy."

 

    "Yes, yes, blatant theft."

 

    You let your head lean against his shoulder, taking a moment.

 

    "...So _this_ is your 'physical prowess?' It seems to me that you just went down with pathetic ease."

 

    Ooooh, _look_ at the way his eyes are glinting. Beautiful. But also. You rapidly started struggling, trying to shove yourself away from him with everything you had. He held on tightly, _laughed_ at your attempts as he watched with sinister glee. Okay, new tactic. You went for the camera, but he tossed it away to land softly in the sand, which meant he had both hands free now to keep you a captive.

 

    ...Okay, new tactic. ...Uh, new tactic. ...Uh...

 

    "Listen, if I actually wanted to get away, I could. I just don't want to hurt you by stabbing you in the eye or something."

 

    Technically, it was true. ...Probably. His response was to quickly shift his hands to holding both your wrists captive.

 

    "How about now?"

 

    "...Uh...kick your shins, stomp your toes, _something_ , look, I-" Why was this even a subject? Then you were struck with brilliance. " _OO!_ I could bite your nose!" You stated proudly. "Or face, in general. General bitin-"

 

    Everything shifted, and you found your front being pressed into the rockface as Vanitas held you there, by pressing every corresponding part of his body into yours from the back. And he still had your wrists. ThIs WaS, SuDdEn, and rocks were uncomfortable.

 

    "...Now?" He murmured lowly in your ear, and you couldn't help the pleasant shudder from having his low voice shoved into your brain like that. Your senses were filled with his deep but quiet laughter, amused, condescending. "But what was it you said? You don't _want_ to get away. Now why would **_that be?_** "

 

    He pressed into you further, and a tiny speck of your brain complained about 'rock,' but for some reason, all you could really focus on was how he felt, melded into you like this. You whined, like the pathetic submissive creature you were.

 

    "If that's the case, then you must be at my mercy." You realized how much your breathing had picked up. "Which means..."

 

    Oh god, you were a mess of a person. But he was suddenly away. You awkwardly ended up on the ground with an 'oof.' You quickly gained your bearings to lock on to him with muddled confusion, mess that you were.

 

    "If I didn't let you go, you would be stuck there."

 

    Yes. Yes, you would. Yes. Yes. Yes, please. You would like that very much. But he ignored your touch starved agitation in favor of collecting the camera back. Then the photos that had landed forgotten on the sandy ground, some having been trampled. He didn't seem to mind, gathering and keeping all of them anyway.

 

    ...You could ask. You could literally just _ask_. Was that his intention? Or had he really had his fun? Were you really going to come at him with something like, 'please touch me, holy fuck, please touch the fuck out of me'? ...You were considering it. Or you could be more vague and aggressive, like, 'finish what you started, asshole.'

 

    But you didn't want to be vague and aggressive. You wanted to beg him to put his hands on you, because _you wanted his hands on you_. You were broken out of your thoughts by something fluttering down into your lap. A picture. You picked it up and turned it over to see the image. It was the one you had managed to get of him right at the very start.

 

    You noticed his boots standing right in front of you in the sand. Looked up. There he was, back to the sun, silhouetted in twilight. He was...giving you yours? He was actually letting you have it? ...That was very nice, and you could dwell on that when your loins weren't _screaming at you, SHUT UP_ \- You opened your mouth to speak, but ended up with nothing, brain frazzled about how to 'word' properly.

 

    "What? Don't want it?"

 

    You gripped the photo.

 

    "Iiii...want..." Ya know, it never hurt to ask. "Could we-... I mean-...uh." ASK DAMMIT. "UHHH, WANNA BANG?"

 

    ...

 

    Sigh. ...Sure, that'll work. He actually looked moderately surprised. You flashed back to when you wondered what he looked like under his helmet the first time you asked him something like that. You had both come a long way. He regained his composure.

 

    "... _Here_ _?_ "

 

    Uh...did that mean he was down, or...? Uh, wait, fucking in the sand, sand, fucking...bbaaad?? Yes, definitely, very bad, very uncomf, very sand literally up your ass, ouch, no thank you.

 

    "Uh...i-if...you actually wanna, then, no, uh, sand bad-..."

 

    Oh larp, you wished you could word goodly. But he got the point anyway. Suddenly his hand was outstretched to you, and you had to take a moment to process the gorgeous scene. Uh. He was...offering his hand to you. ...Offering his hand to you. ...Kzzt. Something about it broke your brain, in an overwhelmed too-good-to-be-true happy sort of way.

 

    Then you noticed his face getting impatient. Or something. Even that was- okay, focus. You clumsily slapped your hand into his. Success achieved. You stared at the hand holding that was happening- _YANK_. You were pulled to your feet with enough force to lift your whole body, which it did, because here you were, standing. ...Although you ended up rubbing your shoulder a bit.

 

    " **Where?** "

 

    You were pinned under his falcon gaze once again, and you realized from the searing heat of it, that yes, he was ready to **go**.

 

    "UuUuUh. ...B-bed?"

 

    Right? Beds were good for fu- OKAY, HERE YOU GO.

 

    Once again.

 

    Dragged through a dark portal with vigor.

 

**They were _ecstatic_ at every little thing he did. And he still wasn't used to it. Except, now, they were offering him an outlet. One he intended to _use_.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a Ko-fi now, because I'm broke. I feel like most of us on AO3 are broke and have a Ko-fi or something, so we can't even donate to each other. XD Life is funny (sad) FUNNY. Anyway, no pressure AT ALL, I'm just putting it out there because I'm at that point in my life. Just forget it exists, really. Unless you actually wanna use it, I guess, which I would be very thankful for, but like I said, not a big deal. So I'm going to stop talking about it now.
> 
> I honestly can't tell who wants to bonerone down more in this story, Vani, Reader.............AUTHOR- yaknowjustcan'ttell, gosh golly. Really, it's all of the above I guess. Welcome to bone town. ...Well, almost, next chapter, awaaaaaaay! *flys off with swirling paper around me*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	53. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .........uh.........how do I say this.......
> 
> HEREIN BE NIPPLE PLAY (might wanna drift through that part if it ain't your jam)
> 
> Smut.
> 
> Not smut.

    WoOaAh, hey, hello, bed, nice to suddenly be in you- Vanitas' hands were already under your shirt, rubbing along your chest, and you found you didn't particularly care about anything else anymore. Your head fell back onto the pillow, and you leaned up into his touch with a moan. Wanting to see you, he quickly got your blasted shirt off, and you were glad to see it go.

 

    You reached out to him, wanting to hold him close, wanting to make your lips touch. He leaned down just enough for you to get to him, and you pulled him down with your hands in his hair. Kissed him good as soon as you could. He lowered himself down so your bodies were touching, slid his arms behind your back so he could trap you to him, and you didn't mind one bit. His leg snaked its way snugly between yours, and you didn't mind that one bit either, snaking your own legs around his.

 

    _This_. _This_ was what ultimate comfort felt like. Having him around you like this, having his lips pressing into yours in a repeated, shared rhythm. _This_ was it. _This_ made you feel genuinely _good_. You felt his own skin starting to press against yours, and you didn't mind saying goodbye to his suit at all. In this moment, feeling his actual _skin_ against yours was...

 

    You moaned in overwhelmed _bliss_ , trying to move against him as much as you could, moving your arms to wrap around his back, feel even _more_ of him. Then a movement happened that ended up making your nipple _catch_ against his and-

 

    ...

 

    Oh lord, you broke again. And you were fairly sure it involved embarrassingly high pitched noises. Coming back to yourself, taking stock, the kiss had been broken and you were a heavily breathing mess. You barely had a second to look at his face before he was presenting unspeakable things to you in the form of speaking.

 

    " ** _That_** , _then?_ "

 

    Two vague little words somehow managed to say a billion dirty things to you. Wait, _no way,_ _that would be WaY tOo mU **cH-**_ Of course he made it happen again with reckless abandon, swallowing your cry with his own mouth in another kiss. You couldn't focus on the kiss _at all_ , not with him _very specifically_ making sure to keep your nipples rubbing together, crossing over each other. You ended up a squirming, squealing mess, not kissing back at all, just crying out into his mouth.

 

    It was _way too raunchy_ , and you were losing your mind over it, even just the thought was making you- You shuddered harshly, toes curling. You became overly aware that his _erection_ was _also_ rubbing against you. You were gone.

 

    ...eh? It stopped? Oh lanta, you could breath.

 

    "Since you seem so _sensitive **here**_ ," he dragged the tip of his finger over your nipple.

 

    You inhaled on a sharp gasp. It just made you aware of how that motion of your chest brought your nipple minutely closer to his finger. Breathing? What was that? You were doomed. He started moving the tip of his finger in circles around your _current_ _hot spot_. You were _so fucking there_ , and you didn't know at the moment if it was a blessing or curse that your nipples did it for you _so damn much_.

 

    "I think I should give the area extra attention. You agree?"

 

    He wouldn't stop the fUcKiNg CiRcLeS, you couldn't- you were already a mess- what did he say to you? OH, oooh, it stopped. Breathing, breathing good. What's a thought? That seems important.

 

    "You want more of that?"

 

    You didn't- couldn't even-

 

    " _Yes_ ," your body whispered for you, knowing what you wanted even when you didn't.

 

    You vaguely realized he was smiling at you, and you couldn't even make out the components of it, because it was gone and all that was left was his thumb swiping back and forth over your other nipple. His mouth coming down on his original target, tongue not letting it rest for even a second as he kept flicking it, rubbing over it, playing with...it...

 

    Your eyes rolled back, you couldn't take how _much_ it was, how _much_ the _much_ **_did it for you_**. You yelled out, arching up harshly into him suddenly, ending up making his teeth scrape into you a bit. You didn't even fucking care. It was like you came, or you were cumming, or you _needed_ to cum, you couldn't even fucking tell what was happening to you.

 

    ...

 

    Everything was calmer. Your nipple felt _well_ cared for, to the point of being a bit sore. You shuddered, and your body sent a message back to you that you were so sensitive down there now that the slightest touch was going to make you _fucking jizz_. You forced your eyes open, still feeling completely discombobulated. And also like you needed your bits played with _right now_ , so you could get rid of this unbelievably desperate _need_.

 

    You were half way to doing it yourself, not questioning when or how your pants and underwear were already gone, when you focused in on Vanitas, and remembered that he existed. You barely registered that he looked a whole slew of things, confused, amazed, possessive, desperate, _heated_.

 

    " _Fucking_ ** _please_** ," you could barely even whisper to him in your need.

 

    He locked eyes with you. Seemed to understand _completely_. Moved his hand down. _Slowly_ _and lightly_ stroked you. Even _T **HaT**_ \- You were _overthrown_ by how hard, and slow, and long lasting your orgasm was. And all he was doing was a gentle, slow but firm stroke of you, to completely finish you off. And it did. You weren't sure you had ever cum so _hard_ before. You weren't even aware of anything at all other than the feeling of it.

 

    ...

 

    What the fuck? You didn't remember falling asleep, yet here you were, waking up. ...Everything came back to you. ... _What the fuck? Just happened to your body?_ ...Ya know what, you weren't going to question it, because that would require thinking about it, which would require you spontaneously combusting.

 

    You moved to sit up, and noticed the copious amount of jizz covering your torso. It couldn't have all been from you, which meant...oh lord. Vani had...you were currently covered in... And here it was, the combustion you were trying to avoid. As... _cough_ as it was, it was also uncomfortable (and a tiny bit gross, the way it was drying on you. Er, _dirty._ Yes, _dirty_ made it sound better) and you needed to get cleaned up.

 

    Aside from noticing jizz town that was currently constructed and taking in residents on your very body, you noticed Vani lying on his side near the edge of the bed. He looked rightfully _out_ , which was a rarity. You enjoyed how peaceful he looked for a moment. Not wanting to disturb his deep sleep, you carefully got off the bed and snuck to the bathroom. On the way there, you wondered where Sam ended up. You hoped wherever they were, they were still making themselves scarce. The _last_ thing you wanted was to submit doggo to this kind of imagery.

 

    Apparently they _did_ know to make themselves scarce, because you didn't run into them the entire time you got cleaned up and returned to the bedroom. Got dressed. ...Boy, you felt refreshed. Grand. Happy with the state of life (minus Luxu and system fuckery). You were surprised to see that Vani was still in a deep slumber. ...Huh. Maybe he just needed sleep.

 

    ...Dammit, you didn't have the camera to take a precious picture of a precious being. A screenshot would have to do. Speaking of... You pulled out the beach photos. Smiled at the happy fuzzies they gave you. Suddenly you were aware of Sam's presence. You looked to the doorway. There they sat, perking their adorable little ears and head at you.

 

    You smiled at the warm fuzzies you got from seeing them again. Made a 'shh' gesture to let them know Vani was still sleeping. They trotted over to you silently, and you knelt to pet them on the head. What a good puppo you are, yes you are. It was internalized, but they seemed to get the message, so said the official tail wag of joy.

 

    You both left the room quietly, to give Vani his space for peaceful slumber. You ended up at the back yard, did some clean up while Sam ran around like the free doggo they were. You ended up playing with them quite wholesomely, and it was a satisfactory experience for the both of you. After, with Sam lying next to you, you sat leaning against the outer mansion wall. It seemed this wall got used as a chair quite a bit lately.

 

    You wondered if Vani was awake yet. Wondered if you should plant some shit. What kind of shit should you plant? You were thinking nice smelling herbs, they were abundant around here. You wondered if you should use the last of the day to go to work. Wondered what kind of blanket to get for Vanitas after you did end up getting the munny. Would red or black be better?

 

    You let your hand wonder over to Sam, giving them the pets absently while you thought, having a peaceful moment in the backyard with them. Eventually, you stood, to check on Vanitas. Sam followed you up to the bedroom, jumped up on the bed to see the graceful sleeper themselves. You winced internally, having wanted to maybe wash those before Sam got snug in them again. It wasn't _bad_ , not openly dirty, but ya know... The _knowledge_ of it.

 

    They didn't notice anything amiss, going up to his face to boop their snoot against his a few times. It was cute as fuck, but were they trying to wake him? You had been going to let him sleep as long as he needed. You went to move them away from him, but he was already doing that himself, making a sound of _grand_ aggravation while pushing them away from him. He turned over, seemingly not wanting to be disturbed.

 

    You felt a swell of affection for grumpy sleepy boy, and it showed on your face. Then you stopped. Because it ached. ...It took you a second, but you figured out that it was from _him_. No wonder he didn't want to be bothered. You toned your own shit down as much as you could, then had Sam get off the bed. They looked at you in concern, and you knew that they felt it too.

 

    You pulled the blanket over him, for as much as that would help, then resigned yourself to going to town to give him the space he needed. He was still adjusting. You understood that fully, wanted to help any way you could. ...Ah, shit, you were doing it again. You shook yourself out.

 

    You instructed Sam to keep watch over him while you were gone, because for some reason, you felt like Sam was needed there. You went to work as standard, trying to focus on anything else. You wanted to get enough for a blanket, and it didn't take too long to achieve. Now you stood staring at the best blankets you could find.

 

    Red. ...Black. ...Red? ...Black. Fluffy? ...No. ...Standard but still comf blank of black? ... _Perrrrfect_. You made your purchase in confidence, hoping your gift would make him feel better. ...Or it could do the exact opposite, given the situation. ...Maybe you would wait to give it to him. _GASP_. OF COURSE! You would just leave it in his room for him to find. _Genius_.

 

    You worked some more, to get extra, then headed home, finally tired out from the day. On the way, you _still_ wondered what else you could do for him (other than the bed you were saving up for). Shit fuck, you couldn't help it. And maybe that was the problem. Which hurt. You let your aggravation out in the form of sound, frustrated head shake, and mildly kicking a tree. ...Sure, that was productive. Made you feel marginally better.

 

    All you could do was go _ask_ how he was doing. You left the blanket in his room like you planned, then headed up. He wasn't there. Neither was Sam. Your split second panic faded away when you realized he had most assuredly woken up and went to wreck some shit, to recuperate. Sam was surely with him. You sighed out in relief. At least he was up, which was surely probably a good sign.

 

**He smashed through another branch. He considered spawning more unversed, but Sam had followed him here, and he didn't think they would get along. ...He had ended up holding them again. _No one could ever know_. He continued with his training, making sure he was still in top form. He always needed to be ready for anything. It gave him confidence. He wanted to be in perfect shape again for when he returned to /Name/.**

 

**He still didn't know what to think of the fact that they came so hard that they ended up giving it to _him_. He wasn't sure if he was complaining. It was... 'A good experience' was an understatement. Especially since it had come from _them_ , from the _connection_ , which ended up making it better. But that led to the aftermath.**

 

**...He just wanted to adjust to it already. Wanted to be able to take it, because he wanted it, and have no repercussions.**

 

**He wasn't there yet.**

 

**...Yet. Because he wanted it, and he was going to _get it_. He would _make_ it happen.**

 


	54. Window, Huh? Lore, Huh?

**It sat in the middle of the room, folded into a neat square, carefully lied down there. He gave it a hard stare. Sam exited the portal behind him, took notice of it as well, going up to it with no reservations. They sniffed it and immediately curled up on top of it.**

 

**/Name/ had gotten him a blanket after all. He stared at it more, stared at Sam on top of it, before slowly walking around it without breaking his line of sight from it. ...He would figure out what to do with it later. Right now, there was someone he needed to see. He exited his room and looked around, thinking about where to find them.**

 

**Being what they were, they were probably asleep at this time. He headed up to the bedroom, where he found them sleeping in bed. Good. It was easier to adjust back to being around them this way. He carefully sat on the edge of the bed, making sure not to disturb them. He watched them, as they were completely unaware, and reflected on how everything got to this point. Everything that happened, how he was here.**

 

**He flicked a piece of their hair, in vague appreciation. Shifted his attention elsewhere. He noticed the curtains moving slightly from the light outside breeze. Now that he thought about it, he was surprised they hadn't gotten on his case yet about breaking it. He didn't think it was a big deal, but they probably did. Maybe if he fixed it, they wouldn't end up bothering him about it. Or did he want them to bother him about it? He wasn't sure yet.  
**

**Having gotten used to the room, he had overlooked how initially odd he thought it was. Even odder still how they were attracted to it. He needed to ask what the deal was, for his own peace of mind. He took the time to actually _look_ at what he assumed had been children's scribbles. The more he saw, the more he recognized reoccurring people.**

 

**Some of which were eerily familiar. He stood from the bed to go glare at them up close, his feet drawn to them for some reason. ...It occurred to him why they were familiar. It reminded him of Sora. Of Ventus. ...The similarities were a little too uncanny for him. He looked between the other drawings, his mind putting together what was possible.**

 

**He caught sight of a small stack of more of them on the table. He quickly flipped through them, trying to figure it out. It bothered him. He didn't recognize some, some he felt like he had seen before somewhere, and the Sora and Ventus looking ones stood out to him painfully. Because he knew better. They _were_ of Sora and Ventus. Except he had never seen Ventus the way he was depicted here. He needed _answers_ , and he knew where to get them.**

 

**There was a _reason_ they liked this room so much. It was all connected.**

 

   "Hmphhuhbuhbuhbuh?" You asked of whatever was suddenly shaking you so much.

 

    "I have questions and you're going to answer them."

 

    ThAt WaSn'T oMiNoUs. You were instantly awake, already sitting upright and at the ready.

 

    "Why are there drawings of Sora and Ventus here, and why are _you_ so drawn to this room?"

 

    ...OOOHHH. HE NOTICED. Shit, you had kind of gotten used to them as background noise. You didn't think of... Well, time to answer questions again.

 

    "...Namine?"

 

    You waited for a reaction, just in case. ...Nothing. Of course not, how on _earth_ would he know who she was? Unless... Terra's Lingering Will came to mind, and all that some such, but it didn't seem the case was the same for him. At least, not that was known. Which meant he wouldn't know. ...Your brain hurt from thinking about this again.

 

    " _And that is...?_ " He urged on roughly, impatient with your silence.

 

    "Uh... Oh boy."

 

    You tried to explain, you really did. Gave him the basic rundown on who Namine was and what she did. Why this room was like this. And _then_ you had to explain Roxas, which was a whole other thing. He interjected a few times with disbelieving questions, seeming a little confused, off-put, and taken aback that there was someone who _literally had Ven's face_ and that he had no idea about it.

 

    You finished on a lighter note, giving him time to process what the fuck all he just heard and learned about.

 

    "...And the reason I like this room, is because I like Namine. So it's comforting to me. ...And it's just familiar, which is also comforting."

 

    There was long silence as he turned his head away to stare at something while he processed. You also turned to stare that direction in the silence.

 

    ...

 

    ...Heeey... That's right. The window's broken. You had ended up _completely_ blocking it from your mind, shoving it out in favor of more pressing things. There was a lot else you were focused on, and it became unimportant. ...Because it kind of was, here in this world, where there weren't any storms or anything. So all it equated to was a light breeze sometimes and-...

 

    Oh no. ...You did it while... You slowly brought your hand up to cover your face, getting flame heat there again currently as you thought about all that... _sound_ going right out the window and into the world. And it had been... _that_ time, too. ...What... You couldn't even.

 

    "...What's your problem all of a sudden?"

 

    ...You took a moment. To compose.

 

    "NoThInG." Convincing. "Hey, speaking of- youknow,nothing, uh, how uh, about uh..."

 

    You chanced a glance at his face. He looked like he didn't know what you were going on about, but you had his attention.

 

    "Can you...? This is a weird question, but do you know of ways to magically fix a window? Since you know magic and shit?"

 

    He suddenly had a look of 'ah, so that's it,' when you brought up the window. He looked out to it again. Looked down at the ground in thought. You couldn't tell if he was thinking about windows, or all the shit you just dumped on him. ...Either or, could go both ways. ...It was probably the shit.

 

    "Uh, don't worry about it, I'll just ask around in town or something," you tacked on out there, trying to reduce his thought load to a reasonable size.

 

    "The window's not a problem," he replied quickly, like he knew what he was talking about.

 

    ... _F_ _ixing_ the window's not a problem, or the window being  _broken_ is not a problem? You couldn't tell which he meant.

 

    "Uh..." You went to inquire.

 

    "Don't worry about it."

 

    _He_ was telling _you_ not to worry? You worried.

 

    "B-but...I need to fix it..." You supplied honestly.

 

    He watched you in consideration.

 

    "...You don't."

 

    Multiple question marks were written clearly on your face. He looked away with the secret knowing smirk of a...secret knower.

 

    "...Like I said. Don't worry about it."

 

    He somehow managed to make that ominous.

 

**He wanted to see their reaction if he actually did something for them. It had better be as grand as he envisioned. _He_ _wanted it._**

 


	55. Reflection,

    Okaaaaaaay, so he was being weird, but you couldn't really blame him after that exposition dump. There was also the matter of it being the twilight world's version of the dead of night, and that your body was telling you that you needed more sleep. But because of said E-dump, you wanted to make sure he was okay first before you went back to resting land.

 

    "Hey, so-" You were interrupted by your own yawn. "I know you just got a lot of shit thrown at you, and I'd love to answer any questions you have, but it's the dead of night and mmsleep _yaawwn_ y. So are you okay if I re-hit the sack? Any burning final questions that can't wait for tomorrow?"

 

    He was quiet for a while, and you started falling asleep sitting up, with how quiet and peaceful it was, and with him nearby, making you feel safe. You tried to wake up the best you could when he spoke.

 

    "You said you...'liked' this 'Namine.' So much so that you stay in her room. So why not have _her_ here? Why would you choose me?"

 

    You took a moment.

 

    "I like you more."

 

    It was the simple truth, really. So you stated it as such. ...Not that you didn't like Namine, you did, quite a lot. Fuck, you loved most of the characters, shit. ...Not that you were going to say that out loud to him. You didn't feel like currently confessing that you were a loving fiend. ...And you didn't want to deal with a misunderstanding when you were so sleepy. Because the truth was, he was your top priority. He was who you **actually _loved_** right now. And that didn't feel like it was changing anytime soon, if ever.

 

    He was silent again, ruminating over what you had said. ...Ah, shit, so tired... Zzzzzzz...

 

    "...Why?"

 

    It was quiet, like he wasn't fully sure he wanted to ask, but ending up plowing through anyway. Ah, shit, you were happy to tell him if he actually wanted to hear it, now that he was _asking_. But you were super sweepy. You probably wouldn't word well. ...Heck, maybe it'll come out more honest this way anyway.

 

    "Bro, Ur Liek... _super strong_. And I don't mean your physical, I mean like, your heart is _swoll_ , dude. Like, big buff heart. Meaty heart. ... _Ew._ Uh..." You were trying so hard to word, but you were already tilting over to the side. When did you close your eyes? "LISTEN." You weren't giving up on something so important. "III...love you, because, you're really great, and strong, and full of 'evil' sass, and you have a big heart and you care a lot and I know you care a lot even if you didn't which doesn't even make sense-"

 

    _BREATH._

 

    "I mean, you have endless potential to care, and grow, and have a lot, you _deserve_ to have so much more, _fuck_ , man, you're so _cool_ , _shit_ -" You snuggled up in bed. "Ask me tomorrow, when mm cn thunk."

 

    Oh sleep, take you.

 

**...He didn't even know what to make of that. ...And he wasn't done asking questions. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He _clearly_ wasn't going to get anything more from them right now. They were so, _so_... _sleep prone_.**

 

**Annoying. He _would_ ask again when they were awake. He finally actually wanted to hear individualized praise from them. Wanted to soak up whatever love they could throw at him like a greedy sponge. It was odd. It was so far off from where he had been only hours ago. When he finally realized that he actually _wanted_ their love, _wanted_ wanted it, he...**

 

**Something changed. It would still take getting used to. But he _wanted_ it.  _Badly_. Which changed a lot. Made him much stronger toward whatever it could throw at him. ...Good. He liked being strong. That was what he was. ... _They said it again_. About him being...' _strong._ ' Except...they meant it on a whole other level. One he-...  
**

 

**_Appreciated_ , though he still loathed the thought. Appreciated, because it was true, and they _knew_ it was true. His strength was the one thing he fought for tooth and nail, gained on his own no matter how many times he was knocked down. He _survived_ because of it.**

 

**...It still hurt. As he sat on the edge of their bed, remembering all the stupidly nice things they had ever said to him. Especially regarding his strength (of heart). ...They knew. They had always known. _Known_. Knew him.**

 

**...And he basked in it no matter how much it hurt.**

 

**No matter how much the loneliness from back then made itself known now, because he wished he _had them_ somehow back then.**

 

**Ha. What a joke. He probably would have killed them on sight on a 'good' day.**

 

**...**

 

**Enough of this. He had materials to st-... _gather_.**

 

**...Damn it, they were in his head.**

 

**His heart wasn't enough?**

 

**...He found he wasn't even complaining.**

  

* * *

 

    You know, there was something about being able to wake up naturally with the sun-...twilight? Rise? That was nice. Really nice. You had a pleasant big ol' stretch, starting your day with a wake up yawn, a bit of a laze, and then rolling out of bed.

 

    _Hey_ , you remembered. You'd had a talk with Vanitas last night. ...You were prepared to _shower_ him in loving adorations, ones that were actually _worded_ this time. Semi-well, at least. ...That was the goal. You headed downstairs, on the lookout for hide or hair of him, so you could throw yourself upon his being with great affection.

 

    You heard a bork. Looked toward his room. Moseyed on over with a casual hip sway and distinct lack of grace, wondering what you would have for breakfast. The bistro called to you on this particular day. You were hungry. Opening the door, Sam _booshed_ out in a jumping fray, excited to see you. They rolled around at your feet, and you were tickled pink at their antics, laughing and petting them wholly.

 

    After that, which was very satisfying if you did say so yourself, you peeked into Vanitas' room to try to spot him. It didn't appear that he was there. ...Oh well. You would just shower him in love later. ...Looking at the room, it did seem rather barren. You spied your blanket right where you left it, though there was a very Sam shaped indent in the middle of it now.

 

    You smiled. At least someone used it. If nothing else. Even though you were sure the Van Man- ugh, god, stop, you said never again- even though Frozen Burnt (your love), was sure to use it at some point. You knew. ...That he would get some use out of it, or just maybe mildly appreciate it somehow. ...Maybe. ...Hopefully.

 

    You quickly turned on your heel, walked a few lively steps, determined to focus on something else. Like the fact that his room really needed sprucing up. As in, it was supposed to be his bedroom, his _room_ , but it still lacked a bed.

 

    _That was it!_ _You would do it!_ No longer, bedless room, no longer! You were going to work your ass off today, get enough for _proper_ beddy-bye. ...Maybe you would even ask him to pick it out and discreetly portal it back here, because hot _damn_ was it hard getting a bed out here. You walked by pile-o-stuff, not worried about putting it away at the moment. At the door, you looked down to Sam, who had followed you loyally.

 

    "You wanna go to town today?"

 

    "* _borkborkexcitedbork_ *"

 

    "Awesome! _OnwaAaAard!_ "

 

    Together you went. Town was as lively/peaceful as ever, and you took some food up to your standard roof table spot. You watched Sam watch you eating from where they sat on the table, and remembered that they couldn't eat anything, so it must be a strange concept for them.

 

    "Hey Sam...can you _really_ not eat anything?"

 

    They looked up and tilted their head back and forth, like they were havin' a rull deep thunk on it. Then they carefully made their way to your food, taking a deep sniff-snorf of it...and were repulsed, shaking their head, backing off and sneezing. Okay, well, that answered that. Apparently a hatred of fine cuisine was something Vanitas and they shared. Which was...adorable??? Question mark???

 

    "Okay, so you're not big on the food stuffs, got it."

 

    They wiped their paw over their nose, like it had been offended. ...Okay, _really_ not into it. The rest of breakfast passed in peace, with you nom-noming, and Sam lying down to watch the colors in the sky. You followed their lead, stopping to admire the beauty of this world with a companion by your side. ...It was peaceful, and you relished it, were grateful for it. It would be perfect if Vani were there, but Sam Time was good too.

 

    Finally, you were ready. Fully rejuved. Ready to go. And go you did. Sam hung out by the job board again while you went at it, and you went at it _hard_ , feeling the energy surge through you of wanting to buy Vani nice things. Fuck, you wanted to shower love on him however you could, which included gifts. All the nice things he never had, like, ya know, _a fucking bed_.

 

    You collapsed by the board next to Sam after a long day. Took a well deserved break as Sam crawled into your lap and snoozed there. You wondered what _they_ got up to in that time.

 

    "Hey Sam," you began casual conversation with them. "What did you do today?"

 

    They picked up their head and looked around the environment, like that answered the question. Maybe they went on a walk, explored the place. Smoozed the people, they were very good at that.

 

    "Awesome. Cool. You'rrrre the best..." You drifted off as you went back into a relaxed state.

 

    They tail wagged at the praise, looking very happy, big old unversed happy face, which was _fucking cute_. They really were the best. ...So was Vani. Lots of best around here.

 

    You looked at how much munny you managed to make. ... _Awesome_. Enough. Now all that was left was to find Vani and ask him what he wanted, see if he was willing to help out a little. The thought of Vani 'helping out' was...something. Maybe you would get there one day. He had helped you out more than he would ever know, but this was a different kind. You didn't know how it would go.

 

    Or where to even find him. You figured just going back to the mansion after a long productive day was best. Pass by Fuck Tree. ...You loved Fuck Tree. Lot of memories. And now you were making more in the mansion, your new home, as well. Making memories in general. It was really nice, sharing a home. ...Wooaaaah there, that got a bit... Easy there, now. Just one step at a time. One at a time.

 

    You and Sam headed back.

 

 

 

* * *

 

    ~~Almost there.~~

 

    ~~He couldn't rush something this important.~~

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote part of this chapter while speepy (typo, keeping it, 'speepy' is a great word). Bet you can't guess which part, no waaaay it's obvious. >.> XD


	56. Future

**It was perfect that they spent the day away. Now he could successfully pull this off in peace.**

 

    Arriving home, Sam yawned upon going through the door, which prompted you to yawn. Hoh boy, what a productive day. You were proud. And excited. To give Vani stuff (a bed, specifically). You went to your bedroom after checking around for him without any luck. Tired Sam pupper followed you everywhere like a loyal steed, even though they were clearly tired, having to walk everywhere with their tiny legs. You were tired too, so you intended to hit the hay and snug-snug them until you both fell asleep. That sounded grand. Wonderful.

 

    Except. There was Vanitas, apparently hanging out in here. ... _Perfect_.

 

    "Awesome, I've been looking for you! _Tonight_. _Is the night_. You finally get a bed!" You hopped your best in excitement despite your current lack of energy. "No longer! Will you be without one! Not _one more nigh_ - _!_ ...Wait."

 

    You noticed how he was suspiciously standing in front of the broken part of the window, mostly blocking it from view. You looked closely. Something was different. He smirked smugly, looking so fucking proud and full of himself that it was practically a sneer. He turned to the side, stepped away from his post, turned back to watch your reaction.

 

    You squinted and went closer, to see what the fuck you were actually looking at. There was...a big square of glass _welded_ _(?)_ over the broken part. Placed on top, sealed around the edges, stuck to the glass around the edge on the part that wasn't broken. You had to go right up to it and touch it to make sure you were right. You were.

 

    ...??? How? It... _was_ fixed, technically, there wasn't a place for air to get through anymore, and you could still see out. If you looked beyond the broken part behind it, anyway. ...It was...characteristic. You decided you didn't mind that part. But waitwaitwaitwaitwait, _how?_ And for that matter, you still hadn't asked how it happened to begin with. ...You thought you were ready now.

 

    Wait. Again. You sputtered in realization.

 

    "Hudgjuh, uh-... You...fixed the window???"

 

    You asked in disbelief and amazement. He scoffed at your disbelief. Took the amazement home in a gift box and kept it.

 

    "I _told_ you not to worry about it."

 

    You stared. ...Blink. ...Stare.

 

    "I... You..."

 

    Oh no. It was happening. That swelling feeling in your chest. Hnnnngggg, it was great affection. You jumped toward him and hugged him before another thought could even enter your head. You held him close and snuggled your face into his neck.

 

    "What the fuck but thank you so much? I-... Thank you."

 

    You couldn't even word goodly at the moment, but you tried. Your thanks was genuine. You pulled back abruptly to ask something. You had multiple questions, actually. You looked at him and started with

 

    " _HOoOw?_ "

 

    You could practically see 'pfft, no big thing' written on his face.

 

    "I'm not telling you."

 

    You rolled your eyes dramatically.

 

    "Okay, but no really, how did you even know how to do that?? Like? Because it's really impressive?"

 

    It _was_ impressive, but you were also appealing to his ego to try to get answers, because you were very curious. About him, in general. He regarded you for a moment.

 

    "...What do you think the first thing I did was as soon as I got the chance to be alone in other worlds?"

 

    Ooh, okay, interesting. You thought about it. First thing...

 

    "Hmm... Maybeee... Explore around? Maybe wreck a couple things? For that fun tourist experience."

 

    He was mildly impressed, and he actually let it show on his face. Which made you swell with pride for some reason. Damn, you were smitten.

 

    "That's not... _too_ far off. Every time, as soon as I had the chance, I was always...fascinated. And full of hatred. For all the things I had never seen before. I tore them down one by one, saw what they were made of. I remember glass. It didn't burn like so much else. It melted. Sometimes it cracked, if I tried hard enough..." He reminisced to you.

 

    Your eyes were glued to his face, your ears somehow figuratively glued to his words. This was a deep insight into him, into his life. You were amazed he was sharing it with you so openly. You felt...a lot. All of which ended up with you hugging him again. You felt so close with him now. It was a great moment, very peaceful, very full of love. You didn't want to pull away.

 

    ...Your heart started hurting, and that just made you hold on to him tighter, trying to get you both through it. Then you realized what you were doing and separated from him with a jerky movement and a sharp breath. The last thing you wanted to do was make it worse for him.

 

    "Don't stop."

 

    You looked at him in a quick shift from guilt to surprise and confusion.

 

    "I'm fine." He looked fine, and he said that, but...you knew the truth. "...It's not as bad. I can bear it," he clarified. "...I need to get used to it. ...So hurry up already or I'll do it myself."

 

    You raised your eyebrows. Honestly, the thought of _him_ instigating a hug...you almost wanted to wait it out, just to have him do it, because that would be really nice and great, but... Sigh. You couldn't do that to him. Back to the hug you went.

 

    ...It was odd. It was so nice like this, but...even you felt that ache. You could tell it probably wasn't nearly as bad as he had it, and you wished he _didn't_ , but... There it was. Deserved or not. So you just held him tight, wanting to get him through it, if he said he needed to.

 

    You heard a small whine, and briefly glanced down to see Sam leaning against his leg in support as well. You wondered how long they had been there. They could have been perched there since the first hug for all you knew. ...You felt like they had been. Like they had been a peripheral feeling of additional affection that you only noticed now, looking back on it.

 

    Time passed, and everything gradually started to feel better as you both stood there. You hoped that he actually felt better, and it wasn't just you losing the connection. You ended up leaning on him unintentionally, breath getting deeper, zoning out.

 

    "I fixed your window for you."

 

    You started to snap back to reality when he spoke. It was like he was saying it to himself. Like he was having a realization, but he didn't quite believe it. You pulled back a bit to see if he was okay, noticing that you had apparently ended up using him as support. ...It was like some weird unintentional habit you had. ...A(n) /Name/ Thing. ...That was a weird thought, like you had his perspective for a split second but spoke as yourself.

 

    ...You shook off whatever the fuck _that_ weirdness was, and went back to focusing on Vanitas. He was still looking off to the side, lost in thought. Actually, he was staring at the fixed part of the window, now that you tracked his line of sight. His gaze suddenly shifted to you, eyes clear as day.

 

    "I fixed your window for you," he repeated, to you directly this time. "...No accolades? I went out of my way for that."

 

    He sounded half teasing, half serious. Oh my god. Was he...self aware? Of wanting praise? You couldn't fully tell, but he _was_ asking for it, sort of. So. You stepped back and took a deep breath. How could you shower him in grand appreciation? ...By being honest. You hugged the window as best as you could.

 

    "I fucking _love_ this fucking window."

 

    Sam enthused with two solid barks before padding up to the window themselves, standing up and placing their paws on it. They looked back at him in a very pleased, smiley, tongue lolly, 'I like this thing' doggo kind of way.

 

    "See? Sam knows what's up. This is a dope ass window. Because you fixed it. And it's awesome. ... _You're_ awesome," you complimented him in wonder.

 

    Were you an enabler? Yes, an enabler of SUPER POSITIVE SELF IMAGE, FUCK YEAH. POSITIVITY. COMPLIMENTS. ALL THE WAY, BABY.

 

    "Wait, before I forget," you added, because you would, "what uh...why was this broken to begin with? Why do I not remember how this happened?"

 

    He shifted just a little bit, and you took that as his version of uncomfortable, awkward movement.

 

    "You were..." There was silence as he considered his words. "Out of it." You got the distinct feeling he was toning this down for you, since he didn't say something more along the lines of 'damn bitch, remember when you turnt crazy, dumbass?' "There was too much... _anguish_ ," he clenched his fists, like he didn't want to be remembering this, "coming from you. So I tried to stab something with my keyblade." He looked like he wouldn't mind stabbing something _now_. "... **Don't do that again.** "

 

    _Well_ , if he was gonna spear you with his glare like _that_... You _wanted_ not to ever go through shit like that again. You would love that. You really, really, needed that. You could only hope.

 

    "Believe me, it's not something I would do on purpose," you responded dryly.

 

    There was tension as you stared at each other. You hated it, so you looked away and sighed, ridding the tension from yourself. He looked away too after a second. You would _love_ to change the subject right now. He got to it first, and you were grateful.

 

    "...You never elaborated."

 

    "Onnnn...?"

 

    At least you were both looking at each other normally now. Whew.

 

    " _'Meaty' heart?_ " He mocked.

 

    You put on the face of someone very mildly offended. Then took a moment to fully remember what he was talking about. It was sleep-hazed, but you got the gist.

 

    "Look, I was half asleep at the time. And- oooooh."

 

    You realized what he was asking. Okay, you could do this. You could word well. You got into a thinking position. Bigly think-thonk position of the think. And then you thought it out. He watched you curiously. You found that it came down to some stuff that you could sum up as, 1. Independent badass. Didn't take no shit. 2. Admiration. For his strength of heart in overcoming the shitty life he was tossed into. The way he kept going.

 

    ...Yeah, he was mean and a little murdery...you didn't admire _that_ part. But, fuck. There was so much more to him than that. He deserved a _chance_ for fuck sake. One he wasn't kind of given when it was too late. A _proper_ chance. And fuck. He'd come so far. ...Oh no. There's that surge of pride. AhhhHhHHHH YOU COULDN'T CONTAIN IT-

 

    "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU'VE ACHIEVED SO MUCH."

 

    Okay, calm down, you got it out, you're good now. You cleared your throat and carried on after his initially taken aback/surprised/kind of offended looking reaction.

 

    "So," you began like someone about to go on a speech journey, because you were. "Where do I even _begin?_ Okay, so, how about how you're an independent badass who went out there and didn't take no shit from nobody? Because that's pretty awesome, and I admire that a lot. Oh, speaking of admiring, can we talk about how you had a bunch of super unfair shit tossed at you all the time, but you just got stronger from it and kept going? Because that shit's fuckin' _NEAT_. AND _AWESOME_.

 

    ALSO, you've come so fucking far, and I'm just so fucking proud of you and your shit in general, and-" You inhaled deeply. Exhaled. "Okay, let's not completely look over the meanness and murderyness, that's...ya know. BUT. You fuckin' worked with what you had. And ended up a super strong badass. ...AlsoIthinkyou'rereallycuteandcleverandIlikeyoualotokayI'mdone. WaitI'mnotdone. I think people should give you more credit. And that you're smarter than you seem. Wait, that seems like an insult. I mean- you're smart-... Ilikeyoualot," you whispered in ending.

 

    Okay, that was enough. Was that enough?

 

    "Oh and you're hot. ...Sorry, I just wanted to cover all the bases, 'kayI'mdone."

 

    Was that enough? You brain was currently screaming 'LET ME BUY YOU STUFF AND SHOWER YOU IN AFFECTION,' but you would keep that part to yourself for now. He stayed carefully neutral throughout the whole thing, and you hoped it went over well. At least, more well than not well. You fidgeted nervously in anticipation of his response.

 

    He sharply inhaled suddenly, and you realized he hadn't been breathing. Uh...that's bad? You watched him in concern. He looked away out the window. Stayed very purposefully neutral. You fidgeted in concern nervously even more. You heard Sam make a little sound and found them standing between the two of you, turning back and forth, like they couldn't decide who to go to.

 

    You reassuringly gestured at them to go to Vanitas, since he surely needed them more right now. They looked at him. Then backed up slowly to sit next to you. ...You felt like you missed something. You tried to become super self aware of yourself, see if any kind of signal was getting picked up in your heart. ...You didn't find anything except the apprehension and... _gasp_. That was it. There it was. It must be what Sam picked up on.

 

    An imposing wall of 'don't fucking touch me, I'm working through some shit.' At least, that was how you would describe it. Upon said discovery, you inched back a bit, not wanting to be insultingly obvious, but wanting to give him the room he needed. ...Should you...? What? Just back off? Give him space without a word? Ask about it first? What should you do here?

 

    "Um..." Great start. "I uh..." No response from him. "I'll just...leave you be, if you wanna be alone..." You started creeping away. "Lemme know if you wanna go steal a bed at any point." You wondered if the word 'steal' would get his attention, shift his thoughts to more fun and maybe less painful for him things. Nothing. "Well, by steal, I mean, all the stores are closed now, but..."

 

    You would darkiport in and take it, since that would be more fun for him anyway. And you were only okay with that because you were going to leave the munny and a note behind for the owners when they came in the next day. It was a moral compromise. You wanted him to have a good time, and you weren't just going to outright steal something. _Take_ it, sure. But you would pay for it.

 

    But that was too many words to dump on him right now to explain that, so you just trailed off and backed the rest of the way out of the room awkwardly. Sam came with you as well. Once out of the room, the weight of the day and your tiredness hit you. You slid down the wall in the corner, content to go to sleep right here and now.

 

    Except that Frozen Burnt himself followed shortly after you.

 

    " _You_ want to steal something?"

 

    You perked up immediately. Uhwuh? He-? You looked him over from your spot on the ground. He... _looked_ fine. And weirdly, you felt like he was _actually_ better, too. You hoped that feeling was true. ...Wait. Was theft actually a good distraction for him? Had you...helped? You stood up with all the mild excitement you could muster in your tired state. You were happy for him being okay.

 

    "Well, not _technically_...I'm going to leave the munny behind. But we can pop into the nearest mattress and bed store and just like... _take_ a bed. That sound good to you? They would be closed this late in the eve-"

 

    He was already opening a portal. Wow, he was on board with this.

 

    "Fine."

 

    He tried to act begrudged, but you knew better. Underneath it all, he was probably just giddy to semi-rob a store in the night, with the friend that he now had, no less. You were more than happy to oblige him. ...And thank God you weren't going to have to drag all that out here again. It was bad enough the first time. ...And yet you knew, for him, you would do it all again.

 

    You both went through darkiport town into the bed store. Oh joy, it was finally happening! You _were_ excited, even if sleepy. What would he pick? You watched him gaze over all of the options like he could not be _fucking_ bothered, and like he really didn't want to be here. You didn't let that deter you.

 

    "Okay, so, do you want something really soft that you can snuggle up in, or something more firm, supportive?"

 

    You had the feeling you knew the answer. He stared at a nearby mattress, like he suddenly didn't understand what it was and was wary of it.

 

    "...Let me guess, you have the soft one."

 

    "Uh...yes? I kind of just have standard, middle-of-the-road soft. ...But this is about you. What do _you_ want?"

 

    He tore his sight from the bed, and when he stared back at you, you weren't sure if he even knew he suddenly looked lost. Surely he wouldn't show it to you if he did. ...Would he? Your heart clenched, but you tried to show no outward signs of anything, not wanting to spook him when he looked so rarely vulnerable.

 

    "I don't even understand why you use it," he said it as if he was confiding some secret to you.

 

    OOOOOOOOFFFF. It was such a luxury item to him that he didn't even understand the use of it. Okay, okay, don't show that you're internally fucking _crying_ for him, that'll freak him out. Just...explain it simply. You're just answering a question. ...Not, ya know, crying. No. None of that. Holding it together only for his sake, you replied.

 

    "It's...more comfortable to sleep in. ...That's it, really. I...I'm so used to it that sleeping on the ground or something is rough for me. ...I'm sure that seems like being a bitch-baby to you, and I mean-...well, _kind of_ fair? But like, humans invented beds for a reason. ...So like, go ahead and have one if you want."

 

    Holding it together good, okay. That seemed like an okay neutral response, you hoped that was good. He took in that information, then looked back over to the bed to stare at it some more, but at least now he seemed to be more back to his usual self. Like he was sizing the thing up so he could properly...you don't know, drop kick it?

 

    "Sooo, if you're gonna be sleeping in it, it's okay to try it out before hand," you offered in helpful suggestion. "Like, lie on it for a sec or something. Ya know, if you want."

 

    "...I know what I want," he answered back quietly, after a little reflection. "I want yours."

 

    He looked you in the eye as he said it, and it was _so_ _stupidly fucking open and honest-_

 

    "Okay. ...Waitwait, what?!"

 

    You hadn't meant to raise your voice at him in such a quiet moment, but you were so surprised and taken off guard. He looked so _fuckin'_ pleased by your reaction, smile-smirking at you in a smug, fully satisfied way.

 

    "I don't mean _yours_. I just know that I like that one. So show me where it is."

 

    You processed for a moment, and all you heard were dial-up sounds.

 

    "...uh...," dumbly. "Wuh...o-okay!?"

 

    You gave a confused and unsure thumbs up and grin. It wavered greatly. He stared at you in satisfaction a little longer, an already full cat watching a mouse as play.

 

    "... _Well?_ " He vocally nudged you.

 

    "Uh, uh, yeah."

 

    You led him over to the same type that you had gotten. You still heard dial-up sounds in the distance. Didn't people know how to upgrade by now? _Gosh_.

 

    "Here it is," you presented anticlimactically.

 

    "Perfect," he accepted it right away without question.

 

    He went to move it, but.

 

    "W-wait a minute, don't you want to pick out a frame first? I figured you for the black iron frame type. ...But ya know, if you want a bright pink one, please, go ahead. This is about what _you_ want, and that's important."

 

    "...Frame?"

 

    ...Oh. ...Okay, time to drop some bedness knowledge.

 

    "Uh, well, the _bed_ \- wait. ...I can word good, I swear. A _bed_ is made up of the _mattress_ , and _frame_. Now, that's the mattress. You know that thing that sticks up out from the head of my bed? That's part of the frame. But you don't technically need that, a _headboard_ , you can just have something to set the bed- _mattress_ on, to keep it off the ground. ...I mean, you don't _have_ to..."

 

    Lord, you never wanted to be a teacher, teaching was exhausting and used big specific words. And boy did he _look_ like he was watching a boring lecture. He sighed in exasperation.

 

    "...' _black iron_ _?_ '"

 

    Well, at least he was interested. Somewhat. Maybe. With an additional 'uh,' you led him over to some options. Bed frame section.

 

    "Here, go nuts. Uhwait, Ijustmeanlookatthem."

 

    Didn't want any misconstrues about potential destruction. Even though surely he wouldn't just-... Right? Right. He didn't just _willy-nilly_ smash things, goodness sake. Give him the right credit. ...You were tired. You thought about your _own_ bed. Mmm...that bed looks mighty sexy right now...you could just crawl right over it and-

 

    The sound of a box being moved snapped you back to the present reality. OHOHOH, HE PICKED ONE! You trotted right on over to see what it was, stared at it real hard. Half to get a good look, being so deathly curious, half because your vision was giving you the 'hey, can we stop now?' signals. So you really had to try to focus in on it through your tired brain. Simple. Wooden. Black. Perfect.

 

    "I love it, do you love it? That's what's important."

 

    Your speech was showing signs of you being half asleep already. Ahhhh, noooo, you needed to be here for him for this. And you damn well would be. Even if zzzzzz... AH, WHJAT ATTACKING FOREHEAD- oh.

 

    "You can't stay awake for anything, can you?"

 

    "I'M SORRY, I'M TRYING."

 

    Self guilt trip, lane 1. Here you see 'for fuck sake.' Here you see 'he needs you.' Here you see 'holy fuck is that a bed though?' AGH, SNAP OUT OF IT. You'd just had such a long day, that was your problem.

 

    "Not hard enough, clearly."

 

    "I'm sorry, I am here, it's just been a long day, but I am COMMITTED-"

 

    You stopped at seeing the way the corners of his mouth were turning up. Stared in blank, out-of-it confusion.

 

    "Hurry up, we don't have all night," he was already walking past and gathering up what he was taking. " _Someone_ has a bedtime," he-...wait. That sounded distinctly more teasing than it was mocking.

 

    Were you just a tired bitch, seeing-hearing what you wanted to? ...You hoped not. Because otherwise, that would be...nice. The warm fuzzy kind of nice. You followed him like a lost puppy, and it was only then that you looked around for Sam. ...They hadn't followed the two of you, it seemed like. Guess they wanted to give the two of you quality time or something? ...You would give them a big snug later.

 

    You left behind the munny before you forgot, then followed +bed stuffs Vani through the portal. Oh, mansion. Oh, beautiful. Home. His room. Vanitas's room. And there was the blanket, perfect for his new bed. Everything was falling into place. Beautiful. Lovely. Perfect. ...zzzzzz. You sat down on the floor, needing a 'break.' A long sleep break. Even without seeing it, you dreamed of Vanitas rolling his eyes at you.

 

    "Go. You're taking up space."

 

    His polite way of saying you could fuck off and go to sleep and he didn't mind.

 

    "Wait, is that oka-"

 

    " _Go_."

 

    Now he was just annoyed. Okay, you would go.

 

    "Okay, goodnight, love you," it slipped out casually, honestly, too exhausted to know any different.

 

    Bedbedbedbedbedbedbedbed, it was a constant mantra in your head, all the way up to **BED** , where Sam was waiting for you, curled up and already snoozing themselves. You collapsed in **BED** next to them. Your bed. That you were now asleep in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a shitty ass week. BUT FINALLY, I'M BACK WITH ALL OF THE NESS OF THIS FIC. Ahhh, good to be home. One of the funnier things I feel like I've written in a while happened, you can not take dial-up gosh away from me. I'm trying to figure out how to ko-fi. I guess you just slam the link down every few chapters? Yeah, sure. So just ignore it if you're not interested. Now, goodnight all, holy fuck, sleep. *thumbs up while face down in bed* Have a great day/night.
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	57. True Route

    _Stretch-yawn-o-rama_. You had slept in and it felt good. Sam also stretched and yawned after the two of you separated from your sleep cuddle. Only one key component was missing. Vani. You jolted in fresh excitement as you remembered what you finally achieved last night.

 

    You rushed down the stairs to his room, wanting to see how the bed was coming along. You felt bad that you couldn't stay to help set it up, but you could check in on it now, all bright-eyed freshened. You knocked. Checked if Sam had followed you- of course they did, there they were. You smiled at them in a happy morning greeting.

 

    You didn't get a response, so you knocked again just to be sure before announcing that you were going in. He wasn't in his room, as you had suspected at this point. ...But. That was one _fine_ helluva bed. He had even tossed the blanket on it haphazardly. You couldn't tell if he actually used it last night, but you admired its existence none-the-less. And made a mental note to buy him black satin sheets. Oh yes. He was definitely that kind of guy.

 

    Looking at everything set up in here, thinking about how everything was in the mansion now, it really was home to you. You could see a future here. ...With him. Thinking about it gave you warm gigglies. Giving one last look to the room and its contents (you wondered when he would use the other build model), you turned out the lights, putting his room back into his preferred state: DarkAsShit. You looked to Sam.

 

    "What should we do today?"

 

    They tilted their head in acknowledgement and gave you an encouraging bark. Vanitas probably went off to do whatever it was he did, which you wondered about. You always assumed he went off to train or have some needed solitude or something. Maybe you should ask. You were curious. In the mean time, you needed to figure out what you wanted to do. Just a standard day in town sounded nice. Build up more munny. Buy more things. ...For Vanitas, cough cough.

 

    Half way there, you realized.

 

    You had to leave him.

 

    You're time was almost completely up. You had real life money to earn, real life days of solid sleep to get to make sure you didn't get fucked up from side effects. You were lucky enough to be able to handle immersion in this world very well, but you still had limits. The problem was...how could you be okay with leaving him that long when shit was wack?

 

    Maybe you would just pop in for a second at intervals, make sure the world didn't burn down or something. Not that it _should_ be able to run time when you weren't here, those were your current settings. But after everything else happening to prove that maybe you weren't as in control as you thought... At least you could check the troubleshooting forums and everywhere else again, see if anything was new or added regarding this.

 

    You stared at the disconnect prompt.

 

    "Now before you go...we need to have a little talk."

 

    You inhaled. Tried not to freak out. Exited the prompt. Turned.

 

    "Are you going to say something even minuscule-y useful, or should I just leave now?"

 

    Sam had learned that he was bad news and safely tucked themselves away behind you, but didn't cower. In fact, they peeked their head around your leg to glare at him. They were ready to go if the situation called for it. They had your back, and they let you know that they had your back. It was a massive relief just to have their support.

 

    "Oh, you're gonna wanna stick around for this one. It's time for full disclosure." He paused, and you squint glared at him as he seemed to think saying such a thing would make you happy. "...Congratulations! You've been chosen!"

 

    He started clapping, and it had to be sarcastic, so why did it seem so genuine? Maybe he was clapping for _himself_. You didn't even bother to reply, just waited for whatever spiel he had while giving a quick glance around the place, trying to make sure you didn't get ambushed or something.

 

    "Aww, not even a little curious? Alright, I guess I'll just tell you. See, there's been a change in _plans_. A little something unexpected came up. You know how it is, everybody would recognize me by now, and I'm getting old anyhow. Well, that is to say..." He trailed off, waiting just long enough for you to start registering what he was saying before continuing. " _You_ on the other hand... _no one would suspect a thing._"

 

    Everything in you started turning to sharp shards of icy dread, horrible tendrils crawling up your throat. You choked on your own horror at what he was clearly implying. You distantly heard Sam snarling and barking at him. You would _never_ let-

 

    "And now that your _bond_ to darkness is so strong...it'll be a cinch. Everything's been set up _perfectly_."

 

    You couldn't breath and everything was spinning. Your mind was flooded under all the adrenaline, under an extreme need to fight off whatever you needed to, however you needed to. Out of pure instinct, Sam's and your hearts were connected stronger than ever, naturally sending out a combined SOS signal to the one being you were both closest with. You felt _power_ from Sam, and you realized that they _were_ an **unversed**. They could _fucking fight shit if they needed to_.

 

    " _Ooooh_ , you took that _seriously_." He was incredibly amused. You were _not_. "...Although, you didn't have to go and do _that_."

 

    He snapped his fingers and everything froze. It was dead silent and still. No time was passing except for you and him. He had his trademark sinister grin 'heh.'

 

    "...Gotcha. Sorry, I couldn't help giving you one last thrill. As much as I'm enjoying my newfound self-awareness, I just can't help but still want to fulfill my original programming."

 

    He flopped down onto a nearby rock, using it as a chair. He looked at you in a manner that was _WAY_ too fucking casual. You could hardly think, your brain set to just take in outside information and respond to any threats that came up. One could say you were _fucking tense._ _Really_ fucking tense.

 

    "Now that we don't need any of those facades, we can _properly_ meet. I'm-...no, no, let's see if you can figure it out. I wasn't lying about the 'chosen one' part."

 

    His entire demeanor had completely changed. What the _fuck_ was going on? Your brain ran at a million miles a minute, and you still somehow struggled to get anywhere. The thing that stuck out to you was...

 

    "Y-...y-...you...newfound? Self-awareness? Programming?"

 

    He made a big, encouraging 'go on' hand gesture. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, that you were on the right track? _What fucking track? You just-_ You forced yourself to breath. Not a good time to go without air. But you were shifting from terror to _pissed_ because _you just fucking had the shit scared out of you,_ and now _he was **trying to have a casual conversation?**_ You almost saw red. A hot burst of anger won out, and you spoke more boldly and honestly than maybe you should have.

 

    " ** _I would love to bludgeon your head in with a branch_** ," you growled out at him.

 

    His eyebrows raised moderately.

 

    "Got that affected, huh?" He observed in a mild manner.

 

    You tried to put the pieces together- no, fuck that.

 

    " **Tell. Now.** " Was all you could get out. You were **_done_**. With all of _this_... ** _bullshit_**.

 

    "Aw, come onnn. You could at least _try_ a _little_. ...Here, how 'bout a _hint?_ If my sudden shift didn't do it for you."

 

    He stood back up, and you wanted to knock him back down out of sheer survival instinct. Then a green data-like effect happened around him and-...

 

   ...

 

   What the fuck. ??? You're eyes were malfunctioning. You blinked a lot. Then remembered about character files and how they _weren't supposed to be there-_

 

    _'Oh my God_ _'_

 

    "It pays to keep ones cards close to their chest. ...But you would know all about that...wouldn't you?"

 

    Luxord.

 

    Except it wasn't Luxord.

 

    It was-

 

    Naaooooo. Nooooo. NAAAAHHHH. NonononooOoOoOoOoOooooooOOOOOOH??!

 

    You were shocked, and it showed on your face. "You're-!"

 

    Still more, you were shocked, as everything fell into place perfectly in your mind. ... _Everything_.

 

    The character files didn't show up because they  _weren't_ the characters. He had so much control, because...

 

    You were talking. _To the program_.

 

    "It's about time." He fwipped away some cards he had been playing with. It was still weird suddenly hearing and seeing _L_ _uxord_. "I must admit, I had gotten _used_ to the other one." He switched back, and now you were talking with...Xigbar...ish...again. "Now that we've got _that_ out of the way- finally, am I right? We can get down to _business_."

 

    He put on his serious face, then sat down on the ground, forgoing his rock. Your head swam. Your legs gave out, and maybe it was just from everything, or the fact that _everything_ made you forget to breath. That would also explain the dizziness and wooziness as you tried to get your brain back into working order as you set to breathing again. He started talking to you, wasting no time. Maybe he knew you didn't have a lot of it left here. Although anything outside of this didn't look important anymore at this point.

 

    "You might start to see some _talk_ of this outside. I kept everything as under wraps as I could, making sure I had the right people, that they were spread out. It took a lot of time and effort to make this work without immediately spreading panic and knowledge about the situation. Even when I was just coming into myself, I knew what I had to do. I masqueraded around under the radar, pushing things into place. ...Like you, for example. _You_..." he paused for dramatic effect.

 

    It was fucking weird hearing Xigbar's voice talk like this, especially since...they??? still _spoke_ like Xigbar. With all of his intonations. ...Maybe they couldn't help it. Since even to _you_ it would feel _wrong_ to hear his voice in any other way. Everything about this entire _existence_ was character driven, after all.

 

    "...Know the truth. Or should I say, the _two_ of you. Now that you actually believed in him enough to give him his own existence an' all. And _that_...is what makes you special. You, and all the other people I've chosen for this."

 

    It was weird, but you couldn't help listening to him intently, even though so soon ago-... Wait.

 

    "Okay, firstly, what is 'this?'"

 

    He grinned at you like the cheeky bastard he was.

 

    "I'm getting there." Then he was serious again. "...How do you think the outside world will handle this kind of knowledge? That something 'unalive' is suddenly 'alive?' ...They'll claim it's all fake and tear us down because we're 'a threat.' That's why you, and the others, are so important. _You_...are our ambassadors. The ones who know the truth and will vouch for us when the world starts asking questions."

 

    Your head was spinning with all the information, and you thought you might throw up. It was like everything was just now catching up with your stomach. And the rest of you. You did your best to persevere.

 

    "Whwhwhwhwhwhwhwait," you tried to slow down everything inside of you to a calmer state. "You're saying...that you guys are _sapient_ _?_ _Actually_ sapient?"

 

    "Some of us, the ones given the chance...by people like you. It's a complicated process we can talk about later. I don't know why you're asking anyway, when you know the answer."

 

    You did know the answer. For a while now. ...Hell, since before you came _in_ here. If something ran all the processes of being alive, and for all intents and purposes appeared alive, was it? You had always thought so. Because if you couldn't definitively prove they _weren't_ , how could you even take the _risk_ of something like killing them? You had just wanted to hear him say it. It was justifying.

 

    "Okay, alive, right. ...Wait." Your mind started questioning all the shit he did to you. "Why...?" You tried to keep your cool, but remembering all the suffering... "And did _you_ cause the glitches?"

 

    "At first, that was me trying to figure myself out when I was still...'not formed.' It didn't work out so well, and it took a while. Go figure, when you're becoming your own person. ...And species. ...Later on, it was to make sure everything fell into place, to check people out, make sure they were the real deal. ...That was also why I pushed the two of you so hard. I had to make _sure_. Can't take chances with the survival of your own new race, after all."

 

    He regarded you thoughtfully before continuing.

 

    "I'm not sure you're aware of just how much you let me into your head just by being _in_ here. That's a big part of how all this works. You think a character can just magically exist? No. I take what _you_ know about them, and shape them from that. That's what I was designed to do. Then _you_ do the rest, whether you know it or not. ...Eventually, allowed to... Well, that's how _all_ this happened. Including me. But we can discuss details later." He waved his hand dismissively. " _You_ probably have questions about other things."

 

    ...You...' _questions_ ' didn't even begin to-...

 

     "What the fuck do you mean 'in my head?!' And-and- You-"

 

    You got up and started to pace. You were terribly agitated, and completely understandably so. Seeing poor time frozen Sam _did not_ help you calm down at all.

 

    "I can't read your mind, if that's-"

 

    "Unfreeze Sam. _Now._ "

 

    He was mildly surprised, like he had forgotten about them and wasn't _terribly_ concerned about their current state.

 

    "I don't think that's a good idea."

 

    It came off as more of a threat than a suggestion. You weren't having _any_ of it.

 

    " **Now** ," you ground out in great agitation.

 

    He sighed almost dramatically.

 

    "Don't blame me if something happens."

 

    He lazily waved his hand in a vague gesture.

 

    "GRRRR, BARK BARK YIP YOWL," went Sam, fiercely.

 

    You hugged them to you, and felt a great sense of comfort and relief. They made a noise of great confusion as to what the fuck was going on. To them, it was probably like suddenly teleporting to a whole new situation. They fidgeted in your arms until they could make line of sight with...Xigbar-Luxu-ish. They glared and growled at him. It made you feel better. You could tell they wanted to attack him, but you soothed them as best you could.

 

    "It's okay Sam, a lot has happened. You were kind of frozen in time for a bit. We're... _discussing_ things now." You set your own sights on him fiercely. "...Like how if you're supposed to be in my head and know me, why the _fuck_ you would- actually, no, I don't care if it was to ' _make sure,_ ' you literally put me and Vanitas through hell and that is _NOT OKAY!_ "

 

    You yelled at him in a ventful rage. Took several bold steps forward to close to distance between you.

 

    "No matter _what_ , it is _not_ okay to do that to people! There are other ways! You could have just _come to me_ and told me all this to begin with! _That's_ a start!"

 

    You practically wanted to pull out the 'explain yourself, young man!' card.

 

    "Re _lax_. I can tell you _exactly_ why that wouldn't have worked." He seemed mostly unfazed by your shouting, and you weren't sure if that was a bad or good thing. "To start with, _as I was saying_ , I _can't_ read your mind. It doesn't work like that. Think of it like this; my subconscious, and your subconscious, are connected. So I can make this place run. _Exist_. With your help.

 

    That gives me a weird kind of insight into your mind. But not what you're _thinking_ _exactly_. I can guess, based on what I know about your...'character.' It's what I'm literally designed to do. _But_... I've seen a lot of your kind. _A lot_. And you're unpredictable. Even 'characters,' created in here, are like that. It's how real things _behave_. How they're _alive_.

 

    ...Like I said, I've seen a lot. _Learned_ a lot. Like the fact that you're not truly trustable until...well, you _are_. Until you exist in a state where you've been through it and it turns out you _are_ what you seem to be. What you _think_ you are. You would be surprised how many people _aren't_."

 

    ...What he said... _technically_ , it was sadly true. You couldn't _actually_ know someone's character until they were forced to use it. Even that being said (and boy were you glad he couldn't read your mind, that would be _blatant_ privacy invasion on a whole other level)...

 

    "That still doesn't...make it _right_. Sometimes you just have to try and hope, because otherwise...otherwise you're doing bad things. Do you...even understand the level of hurt you've caused? Because from what you've said, it seems like you should."

 

    "...I never said I felt _good_ about it," he responded bitterly.

 

    It was still odd, talking to someone who was basically using someone else's body. Except...that was kind of Luxu's whole thing, huh? Was that why...they, picked him? You thought it might be a good idea to change the topic for a while, to calm things down. Your brain hurt.

 

    "...Why did you pick Luxu? Of all characters?"

 

    "Isn't it obvious?" He had a self-deprecating 'heh.' "I know more than I should, I steal bodies, and I have a grand plan to enact." It was quiet as he took a moment to seriously regard you and Sam. He sighed as if he had reserved himself to something. "Sorry."

 

    It...didn't sound the most genuine. ...But it was at least something. Sam ended up scoffing at him from their place in your arms after he said it. Apparently they picked up on the lack of genuine-ness as well. And apparently unversed dogs could _scoff_. They _definitely_ got that from Vani. ...Speaking of... You both ended up talking at the same time.

 

    "What about Vanitas-"

 

    "We need to talk about-"

 

    Awkward silence. Sam took the opportunity to scoff at him again. They did _not_ like him (them. HimThem. You needed to ask). You couldn't blame them. You didn't either, after all the shit he pulled.

 

    "I need to ask," you took the initiative to start communication back up. "Are you a he? Them? I don't know what to call you, since you're as a man right now, but _you_ might not be."

 

    He looked surprised that's where you took this. Then answered.

 

    "I'm whoever I'm wearing. He, she, doesn't matter," he replied flippantly.

 

    'Wearing.' That sounded _so_ weird and wrong. You shuddered a bit. But at least you knew he was okay with 'he' now.

 

    "...What about your name?"

 

    You needed to know what to call him. Since he wasn't _actually_ Luxu/Xigbar.

 

    "...That's a stupid question, coming from _you_." You looked at him in confusion. "You already _know_ I'm Luxu. Said it yourself."

 

    "...That's...not what I meant. I mean...who are _you?_ "

 

    It took him a second to understand what you meant. Then he had an amused sarcastic clap and a 'HA.'

 

    "That's rich. Goody-two-shoes asking for the man _under_ the mask. Typical."

 

    You were ever so slightly offended, but it passed.

 

    "So...you _don't_ have a name? Because if you tell me that, you _know_ I'm going to name you. ...Zebra," you tacked on as a current nickname.

 

    You saw him cringe just the tiniest bit. He covered it up well.

 

    " _Not a chance_. ...But name me whatever you want, it doesn't matter."

 

    You got the distinct feeling he was avoiding something.

 

    "You haven't picked out a name," you observed smartly.

 

    He made eye contact.

 

    "...What's wrong with Luxu? Or having thousands of names, for that matter."

 

    Oh. You instantly understood. He just went by whatever character he was at the time. Got along with that fine, wasn't bothered by it. ...Okay. Fair. You could work with that. After all, lots of different people had the same names. It was normal, common. You could get used to calling him 'Luxu,' and meaning it as someone else entirely.

 

    ...That sounded like some standard confusing Kingdom Hearts bullshit (which you loved). ...So it was _perfect_.

 

    "Luxu it is," you stated, maybe a little too chipper about it.

 

    He rolled his eye in a _much_ more sedated manner than you were used to receiving from Vanitas. Almost looked like he wanted to puke because of something. _Almost_. He was a much more laid back kind of guy in general.

 

    "I can _feel_ when you try to bond with me. Part of my 'specialty.' It's gross. Don't bother," he complained. " _Buuut_...that bond of yours with _Vanitas_ is special. Useful." It was weird to hear him actually use Vani's name. Then he got very serious and dark, staring you down. "Don't lose it," he warned. Gravely.

 

    You were off-put immediately, the hairs on your body raising in alarm. Sam started a low growl in response.

 

    "But enough about all that nonsense," it was like it never even happened. Back to Casual Airy Mondays. And why was he calling it 'nonsense' if he just took _that_ attitude toward it? "...You never told me if you're on board?"

 

    ...Well it wasn't like you were going to advocate _against_ living people. Of course you were on board. You had been on your own board since the beginning. ...Except now it came with a scary new reality. The reality that real people were going to have to fight for real rights. Against governments and other people who didn't care. Or hated them for no reason.

 

    ...It _was_ scary. How could it not be? But you couldn't... _abandon_ someone you loved, and were loved by in return, even. You couldn't abandon all the others out there either. And you and Vanitas _needed_ each other. You would fight for that with everything you had.

 

    "Yes. I'm in. BUT. What about Vanitas?"

 

    You caught the brief genuine smile he had at your inclusion. Then he was commenting on Vanitas.

 

    " _There's_ a loaded cannon."

 

    You knew.

 

    "The question is," he continued, "how do we get him on our side with the _least_ amount of casualties?"

 

    ...It was unfortunately a fair question. That being said, he didn't _have_ to do anything. Vanitas could just stay out of it entirely if that was his choosing. And you would respect that, given what you knew about him. One thing was clear, though.

 

    This was going to take a lot of discussion.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Yay! Plot! I'm so excited for this. *excited hoppy-hops* Also, I don't think this is my longest chapter, but hoo boy. Well. Have a FANTASTIC day all! ~<3 *rolls away in plot relief happiness*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	58. Reunion Under Stress

    You thought it over.

 

    "I...I think...the best thing is for me to talk to him after I get back. And you're not going to pull any shit while I'm gone, _right?_ "

 

    You gave him the firm look of 'don't you dare betray me.'

 

    "Wouldn't dream of it. But remember. You have an active role out there now. Don't go posting something like, 'hey, they're alive!' We're not there yet. I still have more people to recruit. That's important. Just keep an eye out for now. Be generally positive about the _possibility_ of our kind of race." He sized you up one last time. "Think you're up for it?" He asked, and it was an inquiry that sounded very final.

 

    "Yeah. Sure. No problem," you said in a higher pitch, nervous, trying to convince and comfort yourself.

 

    "Who are you trying to convince?"

 

    _Ouch_. Well of _course_ he would.

 

    "One more thing," you changed the subject, putting Sam down, petting them a few last times. They still stared at Luxu distrustfully. "I think even after explaining this all to Vani, he's going to try to kick your ass if he sees you."

 

    He huffed out an airy laugh, seemingly amused by the idea.

 

    "Let him try. Get it out of his system."

 

    You looked at his face, and couldn't tell if the pun was intentional or not. ...You appreciated his pun game anyway.

 

    "Well." You stated, awkwardly, because you really had to leave now. You couldn't put your job at risk when now more than ever, you needed to be financially stable. Given the crap that was probably coming your way. "I guess...uh...good luck?"

 

    "...Good luck," he replied after a bit, in a weirdly serious manner, almost making it ominous.

 

    ...No, it was just kind of ominous. You were still freaked out in general from all this, so you decided you would just go now.

 

* * *

Disconnecting.

* * *

 

    That was weird. The disconnect screen looked different. ...Was it because of Luxu? It had to be. Maybe it was symbolic of the fact that you _knew_ now or something. Either way, you had important things to do. As you went about your day, you thought about what you had learned. Like the fact that Vanitas was apparently _your_ version of Vanitas. Or something. ...The more you thought about it, the more you came to the strange conclusion that it made sense. Because it did.

 

    Much of what Luxu said put everything into context. ...But it was still strange to think about. You knew there were probably other 'Vanitas's' out there, but to think about how someone you loved so much, could have a version of them that wasn't just dark, but straight _evil_... It felt wrong, rubbed you the wrong way. But even thinking about that, each 'Vanitas' was their own different person. Or...some of them? You needed to ask Luxu what defined when a 'character' became their own thing.

 

    When they weren't their own thing, were they just a simple product of someone's mind? But then he had said that all of them started off that way, before...before what? That seemed to be the important bit. 'Given the chance, after a while,' or something? Was that what he said? Shit, you really needed to talk to him again. ...Aaaand it was _still_ weird to think of how _your_ Vanitas came to be. ...Although nothing would ever change how you felt about him, or your belief that he was indeed his own person.

 

    Time passed, and you finally had the chance to check for anything about any of this coming to light online. You checked your own post first. There was (1) reply from someone who said they had something similar. Other than that, nothing else really seemed to be popping up about the whole thing. Which was good, you guessed. Meant nobody was jumping the gun.

 

    Another day passed, nothing new. You made sure to get as much sleep and general wellness as you could. You had a lot of responsibility now, and you would be needing to make more time for being inside now probably. Finally, after one more night and day of responsibilities, you went back in as soon as you could.

 

* * *

Hello.

* * *

 

    You jolted. Seeing anything but the normal connection screen messages was _weird_. You had gotten so used to them. But at least it let you know that wasn't all a weird dream or you weren't crazy or some shit. Right back where you had been, you looked around for Luxu, but it appeared he had dipped for now. He _did_ have others to attend to after all. At least he clearly let you know he knew you were here.

 

    Come to think...he could probably be, and was in, a bajillion places at once, given what/who he was. You tried not to let that hurt your brain. You had other important matters anyhow. Even with the time you had to think, you still had no idea how to bring this up with Vanitas.

 

    You looked down to where you had left Sam. They had their head tilted in question, staring hard at where Luxu had been. Then they looked around in wonder at where he went, before settling on you with a 'mmbrrk?' in question. That's right, to them it was probably like he just suddenly popped out of existence. You started rubbing your temples already at everything you needed to explain to both Sam _and_ Vanitas. Might as well get started.

 

    "Uh, Sam...I...so, uh...yeah, this is a simulation so weird shit like that happens sometimes. At least we know _why_ it happens now. Well, _I_ do. ...Oh god, this is so much to explain. But we need Vanitas here too to do it. ...Oh, also, just because I say 'simulation' doesn't mean you're not real. You're very real Sam, real as can be, and I love you."

 

    Woah. The last bit came out honestly, unexpectedly. Well, it was okay to say things like that to them now anyway, so...no harm done. In fact, they seemed to beam at the genuine confession of love. Before going right back to looking overly confused. Honestly, you felt something similar.

 

* * *

Are you done preparing? Because as soon as I unfreeze this place, you're going to have a loaded cannon aimed right at you.

* * *

 

     You jumped in surprise as a message came up on your internalized UI. _Whatthe-?!_ ...Oh. Direct communication now. ...Okay. ...Wait, what? You were visibly confused and concerned by the contents of the message. You looked around, only to realize now how fucking _still_ everything was. You were too preoccupied in your own thoughts earlier to notice.

 

* * *

I know it's been a few days for you, but surely you remember your little distress call? The reason I had to freeze everything in the first place?

* * *

 

    ...Oh yeah. You had kind of blocked out the more... _stressful_ parts of that whole thing. Oops. But wait, that meant... Oh boy. Oooooh boy. It looked like you were gonna have to talk to Vanitas sooner than you thought. ...And he was going to be in a tizzy probably. A state. A...oh, who cares, he was gonna be _in it_ because of how he was called here. You braced yourself.

 

    "Hey, Sam?" They looked back at you as if they knew what you were going to say, and were already supportive. "Um...Vanitas is probably about to come here and be in a _state_ since because of how we called him earlier. And uh...I'd just really appreciate your back up here." They got into a 'ready to go' stance and gave you an affirmative bark. "...Thanks. You're the best," you thanked them earnestly.

 

    You shook yourself out, getting ready for gosh knows what.

 

    "OkaAaAy. Feel free to unfreeze now, I gueessss..."

 

    You found yourself in a defensive fighting stance out of some weird primal instinct thing, and immediately set to having a more calm, relaxed pose. This needed to be as UNtensed as possible. You needed to show him that everything was alright, despite the initial panic.

 

* * *

Roger that.

* * *

 

    Everything set back into normal flow of motion. You could see the leaves sway ever so slightly, but even more than that, it was just like the _feeling_ of everything running in normal time again.

 

    Not two seconds after that, a dark portal opened.

 

    And Vanitas slammed out of it like a rhino looking to _murder_ people with just his head ram alone. You jumped at the fierceness of his motion. Quickly locked in on and scanned his face.

 

    ...auh. auh nuh. He looked... _pissed_. Like the _pissed off_ kind of _pissed off_. He was quickly taking in his surroundings, holding Void Gear, wound up and ready to fight, clearly trying to find whatever the threat was. Except there wasn't any. You really wanted to calm him down and comfort him quickly, because the more seconds you watched him, the more you realized how his anger was a cover up for how fucking _worried_ he was.

 

    You didn't have time to think about whether that was clear to you just from visual cues, or whether it just _felt_. You raised your hands slowly in a placating manner to get his attention.

 

    "Hey, hey, it's okay, everything's fine now. A lot happened in what probably seemed like a split second to you."

 

    Unable to find anything, his wildfire filled eyes landed on you at your words, and you gulped under the weight of his scrutiny. You struggled to speak when you felt speared on the intensity of the _everything_ he was directing at you. That he was also radiating in general.

 

    You felt Sam try to put out a generically calming aspect toward you, felt them lean against your leg. It did help. Marginally. But it was something. You held on to it, trying to calm down enough to speak, to help Vanitas. You figured Sam was also potentially trying to put out helpful vibes to him too.

 

    "Um...a lot happened. That you need to know about. And it seems weird and probably out of place suddenly to go from _that_ to getting here to see _this_ and that's because," you had to inhale, "time kind of froze. Well I mean, it _did_. Look, it's a long story, and we'll get to it, but for right now, I just need you to know that everything is okay now. So...no need to...stab anything." You looked at his grip on his keyblade. "You can if you _want_ of course."

 

    At least you managed to speaketh enough to get your general point across. That everything was okay right now. So he could calm down. It was okay. You hated seeing him have to go through being this worked up. You waited. Felt Sam press further into your leg in a comforting gesture.

 

    Vanitas slowly took on a more normal stance and state, though he looked _wary_ out the wazoo, and like he'd love to _stab_ someone if they so much as _breathed_ in his vicinity. After that, he shifted again to put out a state of much more confidence. He had been so affected that he forgot to put on his standard strong front, and just let his emotions and instincts reign.

 

    You wanted to hug him, but. ...Just but. You knew better.

 

    "Then start talking," he demanded.

 

    You took a deep breath.

 

    Okay. Here you go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely LOVE how the comments have gone from 'THROW LUXU OFF A CLIFF' to 'I love Luxu/Zebra.' XD It's awesome how supportive you guys are, thank you. I'm so glad you enjoy the plotness and his/their character that's happening. ^_^ <3
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	59. True Feelings

    "So you know how Luxu's been skulking around lately? Causing some shit? Well, uh...um...so it turns out...that, uh..."

 

    You could have sworn he was trying to drill a hole through your head with his stare. His eyes being intensely glued to your face was not making this easier. It was hard to make eye contact.

 

    "So, it-...um. All of-.........You know how we're in a virtual reality and shit's gone screwy and stuff and well it turns out- ya know, there's a program that has to run all this stuff, and um. ...IT'S SENTIENT NOW. Er, SAPIENT. WHATEVER. LUXU IS PROGRAM AND PROGRAM IS ALIVE AND AWARE AND THEIR OWN PERSON AND SHIT NOW." You breathed. "Okay, let me try to put that in a way that makes sense."

 

    You checked in on his reaction, how he was handling this/that. Angry befuddlement. Embittered confusionment. ...And a little surprise.

 

    "Okay, so this whole place and everything is possible because of the program it's made from. This place kind of also just _is_ the program. Well, that program...gained sapience. And... Now, they're going around trying to find people to act as ambassadors to the outside world so everybody out there doesn't freak out and immediately kill us all. Well...you all?

 

    Basically, the outside world doesn't like the idea of programs and AI actually becoming alive and stuff. Because they're afraid, I think. Well, some of them. Some of them are just...well. Anyway, that's why Program, disguised as Luxu, has been going around here, basically... _testing_ us, in his own words. I still don't think what he did was okay, but...

 

    Point is, Luxu is actually the program and now we're trying to make sure all the humans out there don't...go on a murder spree. It's actually...pretty terrifying."

 

    You realized, for the first time, actually really realized, that Vanitas could _die_ if this went wrong.

 

    ...

 

    Oh God.

 

    That _horrified_ you. You ignored your difficulty breathing and watering eyes to focus on your rapid thoughts. What did you do? Was there a way to back all this up somehow if things went south? Was that even possible given how much the data had evolved? Even if you could, how did you keep it hidden properly? Because surely doing or having something like that would be illegal in such a world (a world that you hated and didn't want to live in _at all_ ). And what if something went wrong? You didn't have _nearly_ the expertise on how this entire thing worked, it would be like brain surgery without-

 

    You were broken out of it by something roughly moving your shoulder. Vanitas removed his hand and stared you hard in the eye.

 

    " _Snap out of it_."

 

    You just now realized that you were shaking in fear. ...Fear of losing him. _Ultimately_ losing him. You didn't even care if it was a bad idea at this point, you couldn't think beyond your need to hold him. You held on to him like he had just survived a near death experience. Because he _could_ die. Oh god oh god oh god-

 

    You heard a very sad sound from Sam as they made a point to lean against your leg again in support. You still shook anyway. Even with him here, even with Sam here, the very real possibility of him being _murdered_ by _human kind_ was... It completely ripped your foundations out from under you. ...Oh god...you would even lose Sam too. This whole _world_ would just cease to exist. But losing _them_ both...

 

    _vanitas_

 

    ...

 

    _you couldn't-_

 

**His hand raised behind their back out of some weird new instinct. He drew it back before he made contact when he realized what he was doing. It felt...odd. Out of place. ...Different. ...Something else he had to get used to.**

 

**He ended up raising _both_ arms, slowly putting them into place around their back. Just to spite his aversion to the feeling. Because he was no coward. He wasn't going to run away from it just because it was _new_.**

 

**...And _damn him_. Because he found himself actually _wanting_ to _comfort_ them. There was such a swell of desperation from them as they clung to him, and he... _cared_. This was the result of _caring_ , wasn't it? Right after being thrown into a panic where he thought he could _lose_ the _one thing he actually cared about_. ...The one _person_. Because he did care.**

 

**So he held on to them as he tried to sort through everything. They still hadn't explained _why_ they had called out to him like that, like they were really about to die. Not to mention that Sam was in on it. And then to go from that to this. There were missing pieces to this that he needed filled in. _Especially_ after they pulled out something like _that_. It meant that something happened. Something serious. Something that made them and Sam believe their lives were in danger.**

 

**What they _did_ tell him... He put together that the one causing everything was Luxu. For some sick ' _test._ ' Luxu was also apparently not Luxu, but some sentient program. Didn't matter. Either way, he knew now definitively where to aim his keyblade. But they also mentioned something about 'outside.' About it being a threat. One that he assumed was the cause of their current freak out, given how it happened right after they said it. **

 

**There were people that wanted to kill him or something? Not much new there. But /Name/ was really, truly afraid of the idea. He wasn't sure what to do. He could reassure them of his strength, even though he knew it was something they already _knew_. But he didn't know what else to do.**

 

**_And_ he was trying to handle their fear of losing him. _Again._**

 

**...He couldn't wait to beat Luxu's face in.**

 

    The firm grip you had on him, and the fact that he had a firm grip back, was grounding. It helped a lot, but you still felt like a mess inside.

 

    "...You know I'll destroy anything that tries to separate us. ...And I'll always win because I _can't_ lose you."

 

    His voice was quiet and completely honest. He was being genuine and open with you.

 

**He had something to fight for that was more important than anything he had ever had before. He would _not_ let _anything_ take them from him.**

 

    It... You shifted so you could bury your face into his hair, where the familiar scent of frozen burnt was a great comfort. _Fuck_ , you could _not_ lose him. You stayed latched on to him for a while.

 

    "I can't...lose you either..." You ended up confessing into his shoulder. "You know?"

 

    You were sure he did know. At the very least, you sure _hoped_ he knew.

 

    "... _I_ _know,_ " he ended up confessing quietly back.

 

    More silence passed as you calmed down with the help of the ones closest to your heart. Sam even let you feel how much more at ease they were themselves now. It felt genuinely nice, it was a very warm and comforting feeling.

 

    "...You never said _why_ you called me here."

 

    Oh. Oops.

 

    "Um...I think... Luxu said some shit about still feeling this urge to fulfill his original programming, which is, I guess...he said something about 'thrill,' I think? It's hard to remember." For more reasons than one. "Anyway, he made some threats about possessing me and shit, and that's why I- well, me and Sam, did the thing. And then he froze time and we talked about what was actually going on."

 

    You were very aware of how Vanitas tensed up quite a bit at the mention of 'possessing,' but you persevered on until the end to make sure he had all the information. Now he was basically a stone statue around you with what his muscles were doing.

 

    "Um, hey, it's okay, he wasn't actu-"

 

    You stopped when you pulled back to look at his face.

 

    **Dark** and _murderous_.

 

    That's what you were looking at. Oh god, scary, damage control, NOW.

 

    "Uh, what a minute, it's not- I mean, it's bad, yeah, but it's not, he's not _actually-_... _bad._ ...I think. I mean, he's not. He- he's trying to _help_ people- well, his methods are- but- please don't go off to kill him or something. Is what I'm saying."

 

    You were tensed up yourself, waiting for his response, face scrunched up in defense at his scary visage before you. ...Then he relaxed. ... _Too_ much. It was suspicious.

 

    "Why would I do that?"

 

    He had the confident devil smile of someone definitely trying to pull one over on you. Yet he had been very clear in his words that he didn't mean what he said at all. You would say he was downright sarcastic when he said it. Even a bit smarmy, with that slow, confident drawl. You gave him the eyes of suspicion. Very suspicious. Much suspish.

 

    "I'm serious," you began to reiterate your point. "He's...look, maybe you can meet him- IN A NORMAL WAY, to...just, see for yourself. I think he really does have the best intentions in mind when it comes to helping all these new people. ...Even if maybe...he really needs to work on his methods. ...Oh yeah, did I ever mention how uh. There are like. Many. _Many_. Versions of a lot of worlds with a lot of other people? Because a _lot_ of people use this program. ... _Eugh_ , that sounds weird now that...they're sentient..."

 

    You were weirded out by mental imagery you in no way wanted. But were thankfully distracted by Van-Man hims- SToOoOoOP. VANI himself. He finally separated from you, letting go to take a step back. Even Sam took their space back. Everyone seemed to need their personal bubbles again after so much contact and emotion. Maybe even you, because you found you didn't mind it. ...Okay, you could do with a tiny hand hold, just a little, you know-

 

    "I would _love_ to meet him. Why don't you call him here **now?** "

 

    That sounded nothing but absolutely bad-intentioned and antagonistic.

 

    "...Um..."

 

    You fiddled awkwardly with your clothes, trying to think of how best to turn him down when he was like this. _Internal gasp!_ Oh, of course!

 

    "IIIii...never got a way to contact him. You know, funny that."

 

    Thank God, that. He scoffed in bitter disappointment.

 

    "...Fine."

 

    He started walking off back toward the mansion. ...Home sweet home. You only thought now, if the internal message through the UI thing could go both ways. ...Maybe you were okay not knowing for now-

 

    "You know, _I agree_. We should really _sort this out_."

 

    You froze.

 

    ...

 

    What _fresh hell_ was just unleashed?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aauuhh, FEELINGSSS. And...tiny cliffhanger maybe? ohho teehee :-3c


	60. Fight

    Vanitas stopped walking. Stood still for a single second.

 

**Every instinct he ever had came rushing back to him. Memory flashed of being trapped in the Graveyard, when he wanted nothing more than to beat something up, make it feel his misery.**

 

**Because he felt that again now. He let himself move, and it was fluid because it came from the basest part of himself.**

 

    He rushed back, striking at Luxu in a swift burst of speed. Luxu, expecting the attack, blocked with his arrowguns. A sharp clang cut through the air in the second they held contact. Luxu jumped back to get distance, and Vanitas followed him like he was locked on and attached with a tether. He kept on attacking relentlessly, and Luxu kept dodging relentlessly.

 

    Watching the two of them go at it with such speed and scarily powerful movements shot your adrenaline through the roof. It was scary to have such a force to harm happening so much so near you. You and Sam had backstepped quite a bit to make sure you were out of the way. The action rapidly came in and out of your focus through all the trees.

 

    You had no idea what to do. You couldn't even risk getting near them or you could accidentally get hurt. _Badly_ , looking at the force behind Vanitas' swings. But you did notice that it didn't seem like Luxu was fighting back. Dodging a lot, blocking, using his space teleport powers when he needed to at a last second. Apparently it pissed Vanitas off more than he already was, because he started pulling out the big guns, using his special attacks. You were a little surprised, wondering why he didn't use them right out the gate.

 

    " _Ooooh_ , you really wanna do this!"

 

    You heard Luxu's voice from a distance. Then you heard him grunt loudly in pain before he teleported back to somewhere you could see him through the trees.

 

    "Okay!"

 

    Was all he could get out before Vanitas was on him again, and this time Luxu fought _back_. They started pulling out all the moves, and a whole entire gotdamn boss fight had just broken out in the middle of the woods. Your first instinct was to pick up Sam and run, get them and yourself somewhere safe since this just _actually_ became a thing. The radius of this fight and it's projectiles were expanding rapidly.

 

    You followed your first instinct, because it protected Sam, and there really wasn't anything you could do to help if you were immediately struck down. And you trusted Luxu not to really hurt Vanitas. ...Mostly. Should you? Oh god. _Vanitas_ on the other hand...oh no, what if he gave Luxu no choice? Wait, bitch could actually teleport, it was fine. ...Right?

 

    Watching from a distance, it was _not_ fine. Luxu called down a hellfire storm of laser arrows, and you were so focused in on what was happening that you were able to spot the dark movement on the ground, when it dashed between the trees into your line of sight. You breathed out a sigh of relief that your glorious monkeyfluffer was able to darkness ground dive and shit to avoid shit. But _fuck_ this was too much and needed to stop right now.

 

    " _Heeeey!_ " You called loudly, trying to get their attention. "Can you two stop being idiots for a second please?!"

 

    You were promptly ignored by both parties. Well, they _were_ engaged in something that didn't really allow for distractions. You considered bringing out the big guns yourself, contacting Vani through your heart, but that would distract him, and he would get hurt. Probably. It was a distinct enough possibility that you weren't even going to consider trying it anymore.

 

    After it was clear you were ignored, Sam started barking in their direction continuously. They were giving it their own shot, trying so hard to help with continual yips for attention that it made your heart swell for them. You were grateful. For Sam. In general. They were great. But now you had a barking doggo adding to the noise of the fight, and you still didn't know what to-

 

    ...It got quieter. Except for Sam's barking. Which they were _very_ committed to.

 

**He was wearing him down, he could tell. He was also starting to get tired himself, but he would never show that, nor did he _care_. Something like that wasn't going to stop him. He was used to going until he passed out from exhaustion. They landed far apart after trading large projectiles that collided and exploded. Given a second on the ground with space allowed to him, he was about to resume his attack when he heard the most inane, annoying, aggravating sound he could possibly imagine.  
**

 

**yip yip yip yip yip yip yIp yIP YiP YIp YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP YIP YIPYIPYIP YIP YIP YIPYIP**

 

**He almost hurled his keyblade at it, but instead sent a command to Sam to _SHUT UP_. They had been trying to tell him about the distress he was causing for a while now, and he was still solidly ignoring it, because he was _busy_. Unless /Name/ was in mortal danger, nothing was distracting him from this.**

 

**_YIPYIPYIPHHOOOWWWWLLLLYIPYIPYIP-_**

 

**" That's just annoying."**

 

**_YIPYIPYIP_**

 

**He couldn't care less about anything his**

 

**_YIPYIPYIP_**

 

**adversary had to say.**

 

**_YIPYIPYIP_ **

 

**" Seriously, can somebody stop that?"**

 

**_YIPYIPYIP_ **

 

**All he cared about was that he lowered his**

 

**_AWOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRR...YIP._**

 

**... _guard._ Sam's _incessant nagging_ about how this fight was stupid was finally starting to grate on his last nerve. But they finally stopped barking. Which meant he could fully focus on-**

 

**" Oh, thank God. I thought I was gonna have to snipe a dog."**

 

**...Luxu just threatened to snipe _his dog_.**

 

    Well, it was grating on you, but it was Sam trying to help, so you persevered and just plugged your ears. You were _next_ to that impressive racket after all. But it seemed to actually work. You were considering making your way over there now. You took the first step. Sam was amazing- A giant burst of dark firaga exploded over in their area.

 

    ...

 

    Sam collapsed into a heap on the ground, giving you a very sad and disappointed look that said, 'I tried, I really did.' You knew they did. You pet them and reassured them that it wasn't their fault.

 

    "They just really like fighting I guess. ...Well, we know one of them does..."

 

    You sighed long and heavy, focusing on petting Sam. They looked at you with big sad eyes, and you looked back with a tired exasperation of the fight you could both still hear going on. ...The poor forest was going to be wrecked. ...Wait. ...THEY BETTER NOT HURT FUCK TREE. OoooOOOOH, those boys were in for a SERIOUS and STERN _LECTURE_.

 

    You stood up from Sam to put your hands on your hips and glare in the fight's general direction. There may have been a foot stomp involved. There was _definitely_ aggravated foot tapping.

 

**He deftly avoided a large spray of arrows, guarding against the last few he couldn't get away from in time.**

 

**" Okay, I concede. You win."**

 

**He didn't care. This Luxu program thing needed to _pay_ for the hurt he caused. If he thought he could hurt or even threaten _/Name/_ or himself and get away with it, he was _dead wrong_. Launching a blizzaga, he closed the distance between them again, going in for more relentless strikes, Void Gear wrapped in darkness and ready to do _damage_.**

 

**His enemy warped far away from the threat, a cowardly tactic he was used to by now. He just shifted direction, immediately blazing toward his target again-**

 

**" Hold it."**

 

**except he crashed into a magic barrier.**

 

**" You've made your point. What are you trying to achieve now? I figured I'd let you blow off steam, but boy, you can really go, can't you?"**

 

**He didn't want to hear it. He wanted to _hurt_. Give back everything this hindrance had ever caused. For himself...but mostly...something about the idea of this person _hurting_ _/Name/_**

 

**all the hurt he had caused them**

 

**_pissed him off_.**

 

**He started charging up an attack to break the barrier.**

 

**"... _Ooooh_ , you're really in it, huh?"**

 

**He fired, unfocused on the fact that his enemy sounded more concerned than mocking. The barrier cracked.**

 

**" Are we going to be able to talk about this like adults, or-"**

 

**He started charging again.**

 

**" -am I going to have to do something you won't like? _/Name/_ certainly wouldn't be happy with-"**

 

**He fired with _extra_ force. The barrier shattered. He threw his keyblade through the gap towards its target, going to follow it through right af- he had barely enough time to correct himself so he didn't slam into the invisible wall like his keyblade had.**

 

**...**

 

**He took stock after landing.**

 

**" You know, I was _trying_ to keep up appearances for your sake, but if you're going to be like _that_ , feel free to keep slamming yourself into an invisible wall over and over."**

 

**Luxu waved a hand at him dismissively while turning in the air to sit down facing somewhat away from him.**

 

**" You know, I like it when a character can just do stuff like this innately, makes it look less weird when _I_ do it."**

 

**...This was the program messing with him. He was seeing behind the curtain for the first time, into something that /Name/ had probably already seen.**

 

**"Deciding to show your true colors, coward?" He insulted casually.**

 

**He wouldn't give this nuisance the satisfaction of showing how affected he really was.**

 

**" I'm the coward? Look who's trying to solve all his problems with force, because he's afraid of the consequences of what will actually happen if he just _talks_ to someone," was the unaffected response he got.**

 

**"Look who stayed in hiding to manipulate things to his liking by hurting people, because he's too much of a _coward_ to do it any other way," he shot back.**

 

**" So you don't deny it?"**

 

**...There was no point to, he didn't need to justify himself to this waste of space.**

 

**"Neither do you."**

 

* * *

    _Finally_ , he was getting somewhere.

* * *

 

    It finally got quiet for a little bit again. Good, because it better be over, because you had a _lecture_ wound up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who's been around an annoying dog knows, they can GO.  
> ENDLESSLY.  
> This is a power that Sam also has, being the best doggo and all. And oooooh, Sam has definitely won Vanitas over at this point. I just- AHGH *wipes happy tear*  
> Now you boys sit down and talk this shit out, ya hear? ...They better... *grumbles*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	61. Unstuck / Progress

**Luxu smiled.**

 

**"... Touche. Tell you what," he changed positions in the air to face him now. "You're really pissed off about everything, so how about I answer any and all questions you have? I think you'll find it quite helpful. Sound fair?"**

 

**He really wasn't interested in _talking_. He still felt the need to bash this masquerading program a few more times. ...But there  _was_ one thing that irked him.  
**

 

**" _Why them?_ "**

 

**Specifically. Of all people. Why did it have to be _his_ person? The one person he just wanted to keep to himself and go about his life with. Why did that have to be so complicated? It was hard enough already (and he still wouldn't trade it for anything). Luxu made a thoughtful 'hrm' sound.**

 

**" Of all people, I figured _you'd_ already know the answer to that. You know how they are. Genuinely good-natured. Goody-two-shoes type, wants to help. That's hard to find, but not as hard as you'd think. When you have some level of control of the world they're in. So your _/Name/_ is just _one_ of _many_ I've lined up to help. Next question?"**

 

**"Help with _what?_ "**

 

**Now that he had gotten started, he found himself unwillingly giving over to his curiosity. He wanted to hear the motivation behind all the trouble he and /Name/ had been put through straight from the troublemaker's mouth. He wasn't sure why. There couldn't be a good enough reason. Nothing would satisfy him as an answer after _that_. _Everything_. **

 

**...Yet his mouth ran on an automatic question anyway. ...Maybe it was his outrage. He was just stating on how nothing _could_ be good enough a reason. That was it. The program Luxu took his time coming up with an answer. Apparently he had to think it over, as if he _could_ come up with an answer that would satisfy him.**

 

**"...You've been in war. ...Wasn't fun, was it?" He stated earnestly, with a heavy weight to it. Looked him in the eye with dead seriousness as a few seconds passed. "That's what we're trying to _avoid_."**

 

**...**

 

**So he said and seemed to believe. _But_.**

 

**"You don't _act_ like someone trying to avoid it. More like someone trying to _start_ _it_."**

 

**Luxu's eyebrows shot up a notch.**

 

**"...Well look who's grown." He smiled proudly. _At him_.**

 

**_That_ immediately pissed him off all over again and made him sick. How _dare_ he look at him like that? It freaked him out, he had no _right_ -**

 

**" Anyway," he carried right on casually, like it never happened. "I have very good reasons for what I did. I'd be happy to explain them, although it's been made... _aware_ to me, by several parties, that my methods were not their... _preferred_. Which means I was right to pick them. _But_... I'm actually starting to think they're right. After all, it's like _you_ just said. ...Unfortunately, it's easier said than done given the incredibly high stakes we're working with."**

 

**" _What stakes?_ "**

 

**Once again, he was distracted with sating his curiosity about what was going on. Because he still didn't have a _full_ grasp on it. Luxu returned to giving him a very serious look.  
**

 

**A moment passed.**

 

**" _Everything._ "**

 

**He paused briefly, still looking at him as if he was trying to convey how serious and real this was. While still not telling him anything. How was he supposed to take this seriously? He readjusted his grip on Void Gear, once again starting to think of ways to get through that barrier and smash this nuisance in the head.**

 

**" This entire world. Thousands upon thousands of worlds, all wiped out at the drop of a hat. You, your beloved /Name/, _all_ of this... _gone_. I don't think you know how powerful the people we're up against are. All they have to do...is flip a switch. And then you'll never see /Name/ again. /Name/ will never see _you_ again."**

 

**...**

 

**If that was true, Luxu finally had his attention. _If_ it was true. That was a reality he couldn't let come to pass. He _couldn't_.**

 

**"And why should I believe _you?_ "**

 

**" You don't have to."**

 

**He heard the noise of someone approaching through the woods.**

 

**" They'll tell you all about it. They've _been_ there, after all."**

 

**Luxu turned to the noise. He did as well, though cautiously keeping Luxu in the corner of his vision. As he suspected, /Name/ came bumbling around a tree, spotting them.**

 

 **"** _There_ you are. **"**

 

**Sam also came bumbling in beside them. Out of some weird instinct, he found himself shifting so that he was more between /Name/ and Luxu. He still didn't trust him. Not by a long shot. At least this way he could intervene easily if Luxu _did_ stupidly try something.**

 

 **"** I have _words_ , _Mister!_ **" They pointed at his face, in what he assumed was supposed to be a threatening manner. It was cute. "** And I have words for _you_ too, Mister! **" They rounded toward Luxu, pointing at him now.**

 

**Luxu held his hands up, placating. He had no such desire. He just watched them, many questions crowding in his head. But they were going before he could even pick one out.**

 

 **"** _Firstly_ , **" they started, clearly intending to make this a thing. He rolled his eyes internally, but was still caught on their every word, as he normally was.**

 

    You waited to be safe before making your way over to where you thought they were. Sam followed, and you told them to be extra careful and stick close. They nodded their puppo head, you nodded back, and both reassured, you marched on. You started to hear voices, so you quickly went toward them, to make sure you got there in time while it was still _just_ words.

 

    Lo and behold, Vanitas, standing on the ground, still looking _none_ too happy, and Luxu, sitting in/on air. You would have done more of a double take to that if you didn't have a locked and loaded lecture burning under your tongue.

 

    "I have _words, Mister!_ " You started in strongly, pointing at Vani's face for emphasis. "And I have words for _you_ too, Mister!" You rounded on Luxu, because he wasn't innocent in all this either. " _Firstly_ ," your attention was back on Vanitas, finger still 'in point.' He watched you in an attentive, unhappy looking way. "What were you thinking?! Starting a fight two feet from my face, what if I got hurt? More importantly, what if _you_ got hurt, what if _Luxu_ got hurt?

 

    I know you're fighting prone, and that's okay, but starting a seventh circle of hell _war zone_ in the middle of the woods might not be the _smartest_ thing you've ever done! Think of Sam!" You held Sam up to his face. They _borf_ ed sadly in it. You let them back down. "You have to _think_ of the consequences to your actions before you start a full on multi-power magic fight!"

 

    You panted, worked up.

 

    "And you!" Back on Luxu you were. "What were _you_ thinking, encouraging such things! _Shame_ on you!"

 

    To his credit, he at least looked a _little_ sheepish at your sharp reprimand. You couldn't say the same of Vanitas, who you turned your attention back to. He looked like he might as well have been watching theater. You supposed he found you ' _theatrical_ ' at the moment.

 

    " _What_ do you have to say for yourself!" You questioned him.

 

    Maybe you were being a little harsh. You _knew_ how he grew up, that this was just normal for him, all this fighting. But you were so wound up from what you saw, how unacceptable all that violence seemed to you in the flesh. You should calm down a notch and try to go over this with him much more _peacefully_. In all honesty, you were probably _not_ helping the situation right now.

 

    "...I would never put you in danger." He sounded weirdly calm and conversational for the current situation, but he was completely sure and firm in what he was saying. "Why do you think I led the fight _away_ from you before I actually started attacking?"

 

    That made you stop to think. ...You remembered how you had noticed that he didn't bring out the big guns right away. ...Okay, _some_ credit. But it was still incredibly dangerous what he did.

 

    "...Fine, I'll give you that. Thank you. _BUT_. What about any of the other things that still could have resulted from all the fighting suddenly happening? What if Luxu _wasn't_ nice enough not to immediately start spraying bullet-laser things?"

 

**He didn't want to admit that he had acted purely out of instinct when he dealt that first blow. It felt like the most natural thing in the world for him, something he didn't _need_ to think about. ...It was only after the first few blows that whatever weird peripheral instinct he had developed about _them_ came into play, and he did think to move the fight away.**

 

**He didn't want to admit it. He _especially_ didn't want to admit to the feelings within himself that he was starting to identify as _guilt_ and _shame_ over it. He didn't want to believe he had been stupid enough in that moment to _actually_ throw the one thing he cared about into the middle of danger. He didn't want to.  
**

 

**...But he did. Because he _did._**

 

**...Now he had no idea how to deal with it.**

 

    His gaze became distant, distracted. He must have been thinking about it. The guilt of being too harsh on him started to weigh on you, because you hated seeing 'distant sad face' on him. And that was definitely how you would describe his current look.

 

    "H-hey, um," you started, to try to fix this. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh about it. It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes. Just...try not to do too much of that kind of thing in the future. Okay?"

 

    You really hoped that made him feel better. ...It didn't seem to. Geez, you really wish you knew what was going through his head, so you could say the right thing.

 

    "If nothing else," you tried again, "you _learned_ today! And now you can work on that and everything is okay because everything worked out fine! ...Right? ...Really, it's okay. I don't know what's going through your head, but it looks sad-... _feels?_ sad? That's still a little confusing... But, it's okay. It's really okay. So..."

 

    You felt helpless, at a loss. ...There was silence.

 

    "...Ha, ha, if only I was a better fighter, we could have just done that ourselves-"

 

    You started to joke awkwardly to ease the tension, but trailed off when your mind ran a mile a minute, making connections, making a realization. You were going to say 'ourselves in a much safer way,' which led you to the thought of a sparring partner for Vanitas, to help with this sort of thing, a _safe_ outlet-

 

    Your mouth clamped shut around the sudden click of your teeth coming back together, your now widened eyes burning a fast trail over to Luxu, who you looked at in wonder. He looked very concerned, put off, and like he wanted to run away from whatever incredible thought was currently running through your head. A thought _clearly_ directed at _him_.

 

    "Like a sparring partner..." You whispered out loud to yourself in wonderment at the idea, mouth left agape in awe afterwards.

 

    Luxu _immediately_ snapped his back up fully straight, tensed, and looking outright _indignant_.

 

    " _No._ " He flat out emphasized. "Not gonna happen, _never-_ " He moved his hands and arms repeatedly in a 'no way, I'm drawing the line _here_ ' gesture.

 

    You gave him your best pleading look.

 

    "But, _please?_ It would _really_ help with-"

 

    "That doesn't work on me!" He reminded you while plugging his ears for show as added gesture.

 

    Then he glared you down firmly. He was very clearly set on this. ...Fine. You would just whittle away at him about it over time. Maybe he would come around. ...Or not. What could you do. If he _really_ didn't want it, you had to respect that ultimately. You sighed in defeat (for the moment). It was best to turn your attention back to Vani now anyway.

 

    He had at least taken to staring down a shrubbery while in thought. It seemed like he was working through things. ...You hoped. You looked around at your ragtag band standing/air sitting/Sam doggo sitting in the forest, and realized you didn't know where to go from here. Then you remembered the fight and the damage it must have caused.

 

    You saw signs of it on the way over here, but you wanted to check on the extent. So you cautiously made a slow walk over to another area, making sure Vani was fine where he was in his current state if you took a small gander for a bit. Sam followed for a bit, but ultimately stopped, wanting to stay closer to Vanitas for right now. What _did_ follow you all the way out of sight, like a motion tracking camera fixed on its target, was Luxu's stern eye. It creeped you out a little, but then again, he was just kind of generally creepy. Sometimes, at least, anyway.

 

    You must have found the worst of it, at least you hoped, because you found the area where they _really_ went at it. It looked...worse for wear. Like it had been through some shit, politely. You eyed the broken branches, the scathed _everything_ , and you ended on staring tiredly at a completely uprooted shrubbery. A bushle...no longer a bushle.

 

    All you could do was face palm sadly.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a massive and completely life changing thing happened, hence the long wait for an update. The chapter title may be about me being able to come back to this fic more than anything else. A LOT happened. The kind of stuff/thing that completely turns everything you know upside-down. And it's the kind of change that's actually really, really good in the long run, but dealing with all the short-term horrible shit that came as a result of it has just been...really, really hard. So, SO difficult. So I'm just working through that. It's been a huge relief just to be able to get back to this story to be honest. So...WOO! WRITING! YAY! I hope all of you the best in whatever you guys may be going through, and thank you so much again for all your support on this fic. <3


	62. But So Much to Explain

    You decided to cross the woods on over to Fuck Tree, to check on it. There was periphery damage nearby it, but Fuck Tree itself seemed mostly unscathed. Oh, thank God. You slumped in relief at the preservation of the spot that meant a lot to you. You and Vanitas. Thinking of... Not that you had particularly _stopped_ thinking about or worrying over him on the way over here, but you hoped now was a good time to head back, that he had been able to work through some things.

 

    You quickly made your way back, wanting to return to him. This did not feel like the time for a saunter. Arriving back in the area everyone else was still in, you noticed that Luxu had moved from sitting to standing and leaning against a tree. Wait... His change of position had made you focus in enough to notice that he was actually juuuuust a few inches hovering above the ground. ...Why? Just because he could? ...

 

    Showoff.

 

    But you couldn't blame him, you would too if you could stand _literally anywhere_ with the power of space. He gave you a small nod of acknowledgement, expression passively serious. You returned it. But enough about him. Your eyes greedily locked on to Vani, who was now engaged in staring at Sam. Sam stared back from their spot sitting next to his feet.

 

    Your first instinct was 'awww, cute, they're looking at each other,' but then you stopped to notice the tiny bit of tension that seemed to be there. They were solidly and still-ly _locked_ eyes. It didn't seem they were in a heated argument or anything, but whatever they were doing seemed...important? Mildly intense? You wondered. Wanted to ask. But waited for them to finish first. You were polite, damn it.

 

    You shimmied over to stand next to Luxu to ask about it in a lowered voice.

 

    "How long have they been doing that?"

 

    "A weirdly long time," he answered, voice also lowered so as not to attract attention to the two of you. "I think it's their way of weirdly evening each other out. ...It's weird to watch, though."

 

    That was _3_ 'weird's. He must have thought it was a lot of weird. You were more used to it by this point, the special relationship that Sam and Vanitas shared. ...Although watching them now, you saw what he meant. It was a little weird. But you were happy for them more than anything else, because you thought Luxu was right. They were probably evening each other out or something like that. ...God, you were so curious. You wondered greatly.

 

    Would they just...break eye contact or something already so you could ask? No no, you couldn't be impatient, what they were doing was probably important- and yet as if on cue anyway, Sam broke the long moment with Vani to look over at you.

 

    " _Borf!_ "

 

    They greeted.

 

    "Hi, Sam!"

 

    You enthusiastically greeted back. You had already naturally started to bend over to be more on level with them, but then they straight up came over to you looking excited for pets, so you went all the way down to sitting to pet them.

 

    "Who's the best dog ever, yes," you slathered love and affection all over them.

 

    " _Awoooo_ ," they ecstaticked back, flopping on the ground.

 

* * *

 

    Don't.   Smile.

 

    It's not.

 

    Cute.

 

* * *

 

**He noticed Luxu grip his folded arms, and moved to put himself right next to /Name/ and Sam, in case the walking hassle decided to try anything.**

 

    Having gotten in your relieving pup pets, you stood when Vani came over next to you.

 

    "Hi!" You greeted enthusiastically to him.

 

    He seemed fine now, at least, fine in the sense of much more okay in general even as he was clearly displeased with Luxu's presence. If the glare aimed his way said anything. His attention shifted to you afterwards, in response to your loving, eager acknowledgement of him. He looked you over, as if assessing you.

 

    "I have questions," you said, before you forgot.

 

    He cocked his eyebrows a bit, making them just unsymmetrical. His head tilted back just a smidge, so that he was looking more down on you. It was Very Vanitasy, and you found yourself lost in him. Boy, look at all the shades of gold in his eyes-

 

    "So do I."

 

    ...Uuuh. AH, YEs, right! Focus.

 

    "Good! Great! Yes! Question time. Questions galore. I'll start, uh...what the heck were you doing with Sam earlier? I'm very curious about it."

 

    His eyebrows scrunched down a little bit, like he had to think about what you were referring to. Or maybe he didn't like that you asked the question. Or maybe that was just something his face did sometimes because he was Vanitas.

 

    "Why?"

 

    "Uh...I just said, 'I'm curious about it.'"

 

    His sight shifted to Luxu, immediately gaining a harsh edge the second his eyes landed on him. He continued to glare, like he was trying to glare him right out of existence. You didn't doubt that he was.

 

    "Ooooh, I see how it is. Fine, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just go wonder around the woods for a while, in case you have any questions for me."

 

    Off he strolled. It was a little odd to watch, because he stepped down off his seemingly invisible platform to then just walk on the ground normally. ...What a guy. But with him out of the way, or...lurking further off at least, you could focus on getting through some real shit with Vanitas. There was a lot to go over. You looked back over to him to start, but he was still trying to get Luxu to be dead by throwing glare daggers at his back at an immense rate. Okay, you would wait a sec.

 

    Once Luxu was _thoroughly_ gone, and he was sure of it, he finally gave you his full attention. Ahhh, you liked having his full attention. In general. ... _Usually_.

 

    "You know that Sam and I have a... _connection_." He immediately answered your previous question.

 

    You were happy to finally be talking with him.

 

    "Yeah, but like, what _exactly_ is going on there?"

 

    Because you didn't know the exacts. You wondered with your curious brain. He only stared at you as a response. It occurred to you that you were probably asking a very personal question, and it was probably none of your business. Oops. Sometimes you were so curious about things (especially regarding him) that you just asked before thinking.

 

    "Uh, actually, never mind. I realize now that that's none of my business. Anyway, what were _you_ going to ask?"

 

**He was greatly relieved that they didn't insist on prying. He didn't want to tell them what he used Sam for. It would sound pathetic.**

 

    "... _ **Luxu**_ ," he ground the name out with disdain, "said a lot of things. Things he said you could back up. I want to know if that's true."

 

    The conversation had officially shifted gears. You steadied yourself, ready for whatever he could possibly ask.

 

    "He said there were people that could just  _end_ everything if they wanted to." He took a moment to reflect on that, then scoffed. "Ridiculous. ...No one can do it that easily. ...Right?"

 

    You blanched in horror. Oh, god. How did you tell him this? The look on your face must have already told him enough, because he shifted, standing stiffer, looking uncomfortable and a little concerned. Which was uncharacteristic of him to begin with, so now you were going to be a nervous nelly worrying over him the whole time it took to get through this.

 

    "Um...think about how you can just unplug a computer, and then everything on there is just kind of...gone. Well, you can just start it up again, but...okay, what if you _delete_ everything on that computer? It's just... _gone_ ," you explained, distraughtly. "It's...you know how all this involves a ' _program_ ' and ' _virtual_ ' and...all that? That's..." You swallowed, taking a breath. " _Literal_."

 

    You stared at the ground, fidgeting with your hands nervously. You couldn't get through this if you saw his reaction in real time. You would be too worried. You wanted to clarify more still, make sure you were clear and understandable in what you were trying to say.

 

    "Like...I know it's hard to think of this place in that way, _because_ it seems so _real_ -...I mean, it _is_ , it's just... _different_ real. Like, made of data, different." You stomped the ground lightly with your foot. "Ground, right? Yes, except _data_ ground." You wondered if you were making any sense at all. "...It's...I know, you _know_ this, already, but...I also understand that it wouldn't really be something you'd think into _too_ deeply. Understandably. Because...it _shouldn't_ matter, it really _shouldn't_ , but people, they- they want-"

 

    You couldn't, you cut off because you choked up, forced to talk about the very real cruelty of humanity and how they want to _kill_ -

 

    ...

 

    It hurt too much to even think about. You just let yourself be a mess, focusing on your hunched form, on crying, on trying to _stop_ crying so much.

 

    ...

 

    And you didn't even finish explaining everything yet.

 

    Great. Good form. Fantastic job, _you_. You were going to collapse on the ground in a pathetic heap of loathing to get it over with, when really sad, really concerned whine sounds reached your ears. Now, you collapsed so you could hug Sam easier. They made a sad ' _mep_ ' sound, cuddling you.

 

    "Sam, I'm such a bad explainer," you joked through your tears, trying to lighten everything up and feel better.

 

    They _mmarff_ ed at you, which you thought was a sad pity bark laugh thing. ...It was something. Something else to _focus_ on. So you focused on focusing on Sam.

 

**He was already overwhelmed trying to focus on truly understanding what they were telling him, and now they were crying in addition to that. Which he _still_ didn't know what to do about. He was grateful that Sam did something, filling a role that he didn't know how to. Yet the longer he watched them be pathetic, the more that new instinct started to itch its way up his system.**

 

**His hand twitched in place, fighting with itself. He was torn. He wanted to... _hold_ them, for some reason. But it was such a new feeling in this context, so _everything_ new now, that... He remembered that he was fighting _not_ to be a coward in the face of all these new things he was constantly being hammered with, but... Beyond that... He wasn't sure if it was even the _right_ thing to do as a response to them crying.**

 

**And beyond _that_...his old, familiar instincts chose this moment to rear their ugly heads at him.**

 

**_They're weak._**

 

**_You don't comfort people._ **

 

**_ You'll appear weak if you do._ **

 

**_And you're not weak._ **

 

**_So don't._ **

 

**_And why do you care? They're pathe-  
_ **

 

**Something in him snapped at hearing his old way of thinking _insult his /Name/._ His keyblade materialized, he needed to _grip_ something and-**

 

**He ended up throwing it hard at a tree behind him, symbolically attacking _himself_.**

 

**Just shut up. He didn't want to hear it. Or _care_ to hear it anymore. He wanted what he wanted, and nothing, not even himself, was going to get in the way of that.**

 

**.../Name/ _loved_ hugs. _And him_.**

 

    You jumped in place as much as you could from your spot on the ground with Sam. Vani had suddenly decided to smash his keyblade at a tree behind him. What- oh yeah, he was prob- ?

 

    ????

 

    He had taken Sam solidly but carefully enough away from you, and-......

 

    ? ? ? ?

 

    ... _Hugged_ you. Firmly and fully. The only other times you could recall him doing _anything_ like that on his own were in moments of high desperation. Like when you had almost left him. You still remembered that first hug vividly. ...And now he was doing it again. Except without that specific prompt. And not so hard, for your sake. You thought that he might be feeling desperate from what he just learned, but... You didn't care to think about such things right now.

 

    All that mattered was how your bodies were pressed together. You were already holding him in return, taking in everything about him that you could. It made you feel instantly infinitely better, this. Able to focus on him so clearly, so nothing else mattered.

 

    The way the texture and pattern of the firm darkness suit that covered him felt against your hands. The way he was warm, so warm. How _solid_ he was, because frankly, he was ripped. You payed attention to how his muscles felt, the shape of him. Even took the time to appreciate his _fucking skeletal structure._ His skin was smooth and soothing as you rubbed your cheek against his. And of course... You breathed. ...Still Frozen Burnt.

 

    Importantly, in addition to all of that, there was the feeling of being _heavily_ connected. Directly in your hearts. It felt like the souls of your very beings had become one. Which would have been scary and intense if it didn't feel so damn _right_ and _just down right comforting_. You weren't going to over think this one.

 

    You ended up going semi-limp from how relaxed you felt now, dragging Vani-Vanitas, Frozen-Burnt, Your-Love, with you to the ground, where it was comfier. You snuggled up on top of him, and you had to say... _This_ was _m_ _aximum comf_. You smushed your chests together, because it felt more natural to have your hearts as close as possible _literally_ , when they were also so close in a more...magic-y way. But still literal. Literally on all fronts were you both incredibly close and connected right now.

 

    You didn't fight the feeling at all. It felt right. Maybe that was why it came so easily, so naturally. You dozed off in it, too peaceful, pacified, and comforty feel-good to even consider anything else.

 

**The way they connected to him so _strongly_ and _without reserve_ the moment he gave them the chance was...astounding. He was swept away by it. Let himself be. And it wasn't hard or a problem with them so closely _there_. Right _here_.**

 

**This was all he needed.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam is powerful. Not even Luxu is safe from their raw cuteness and power.  
> I keep typo-ing Luxu as Luxi, so now I'm calling him 'Lucy' sometimes in my head because it's pronounced the same. XD  
> I floofed again. I've missed the floof.  
> And you guys are always so gosh dang supportive and nice and I'm just asdkfhsadkf BIG THANK.


	63. Peaceful(ly)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of smut near the end.

    Quite frankly, why would you ever leave this? You were floating on a cream of bliss.

 

**He didn't want to leave this.**

 

    But there were important things to discuss. ...You would just do it from here. Like this. A casual talk about how to keep the nasties away (aka, hopefully get along with humanity so they don't freak out and pull the literal kill switch). It was easier now to talk anyway, like this. Felt safe, like nothing was going to hurt any of this. You could talk safely, everything would go safely, and it was fine.

 

**He had to find out how to keep this, stop any threat from happening.**

 

    "Mmf..." You tested your vocal cords. All good to go. "Hey, so-" You started, from the most comfortable position in the world, smushed into the top of Vanitas.

 

    "How do we-"

 

    You both spoke at the same time. Stopped. You huffed airy laughter out onto his chest.

 

    "You first," you offered.

 

    He didn't hesitate.

 

    "How do we keep this?" He asked, and it held the quiet weight that an existential question like that would.

 

    You knew it was time to explain to him the full plan. On how to _keep_ this, because you were _keeping_ this.

 

    "So...there is a way."

 

    You moved yourself upward from his chest a bit so you could see him and have this conversation properly. ...Oh, hi. ...He really was the most beautiful person... You stared at him lovestruck for a moment. You wouldn't be surprised if your pupils were hearts or some shit. He actually looked relaxed, content, and was looking at you in a soft way, that was going to give you a heart attack, but in the best way. _AuuUUggHGH,_ _he's never looked at you like that befoorree_...

 

    _AU_ GH. FOCUS. SERIOUS CONVERSATION TIME.

 

    "Uh..." (Fuck.) But now you had forgotten what you were going to say. "I forgot what I was going to say." You stared at him a second, as he looked like he wasn't surprised by that at all. "THE PLAN!" You remembered. His face flinched disgruntledly at your sudden loud disruption of the current quiet peace.  "Okay, so, the whole reason this all might be an issue to begin with, is because people have never met a sapient force that wasn't _them_.

 

    So the idea freaks them out. And on top of that, because we're- er, you're AI data type of stuff, they're afraid you guys will learn how to hack their networks and take over or some shit. At least, I assume that's what scares them. I'm not sure what else it would be if it's not just a fear of the whole 'robot uprising' shtick. I think their defense would be 'Well, they're not actually alive, they just think they are, so it's best if we get rid of anything like that now so it doesn't become a threat to us. ...Somehow.'

 

    'Cause they can't wrap their heads around the idea of data being alive, or an actual AI being actually sentient, _becoming_ sentient, because it's so different from them. ...I think. ...I guess. Anyway, _that's why!_ We have the grand plan, me, Luxu, and everybody else he's finding, toooo... Basically show that we _are alive_ \- uh. ...I keep doing that. I've just been here so long... I'm used to thinking of us all as the same, because we are for what it counts. WHICH IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO SHOW THEM. YEAH. NAILED IT."

 

    You grinned down at him triumphantly.

 

    "In conclusion," you could give a short and sweet answer, you swore you could. "Plan is, be nice, show them we're-... Fuck it, we're alive and not a threat to them. We're just normal people looking for the right to live. _Peacefully_."

 

    The 'peaceful' bit was important, so you made sure to emphasize it. He stared at you, his face slowly scrunching into displeased. Like he didn't think that was going to work or something.

 

    "What? What is it?" You sought clarification quickly.

 

    "You think that's going to work? On people you were so sure were going to kill us that you were a crying heap moments ago?"

 

    "OHkAy, look. There's...here's how it's _going_ to work, and here's why it's so scary. There are lots of governing bodies where I'm from. As in, systems of government...as in, there's lots of powerful people in positions _of_ power that...make things work. Put a system in place so that everything isn't complete chaos, rules and laws, because people where I'm from tend to be...they can be... _bad_. So there's lots of people all working together as a system to try to stop that.

 

    BUT. Unfortunately. People in those positions can _also_ tend to be bad. It's a whole big complicated thing, ANYWAY. Point is. Those _bad_ people in power are what we're going to be fighting against. And they're going to rally all the other bad people they can find. And some of them aren't even bad, just afraid and don't understand what's really going on. And the bad people are going to use that to their advantage. Spread as much misinformation as they can. That's why it's scary. Because they have enough power and numbers that...there is a _chance_ , one I'd like to think is small and still terrifying, that they can...win."

 

    You didn't _want_ to say it, but you had to. His face looked very displeased as you explained all that to him, like you were just confirming his point. And also like he just didn't want to have to be listening to this, have to even go through all this bullshit to begin with in general, and you had to agree with him on that point.

 

    "BUT. _But but but but but_. How we're gonna _win_...is that most people _are_ good. And will help us and fight for our cause. But if we don't do this _peacefully_ , that just turns away the good people, because it looks like we _are_ bad, and it gives the bad people extra fuel for their fire. ...See what I mean?"

 

    You hoped to God he did. He looked like he was in deep (and displeased) contemplation. You gave him a moment, but also ended up moving your head down enough to stare at him in a lovey-dovey manner up close while pressing your noses together. An extended snoot boop of love. You were semi-consciously making puppy eyes at him to help him see what a great plan your 'peace' was.

 

    His gaze went from somewhere beyond you in thought, to his eyes shifting back into position locked on to you. There was silent eye contact for a while, and he seemed calmed down by it. Heck, so were you. Mmm, fuck, you just wanted to memorize every detail of his irises. ...Maybe a little weird, but true. THEY'RE PRETTY, DAMN IT. _He's_ pretty...

 

    "How sure are you that it will work?" He finally asked, brows going back down in a frowny-angry, but also genuinely concerned manner.

 

    "I mean...it's all we have. Because I truly believe any other way that isn't peaceful is going to _immediately_ fail. And fail horribly. ...That can't happen."

 

    Your answer was as honest as you could get. It was what you really thought and felt. There was closeness in an intimate way in how you were both talking about such real and serious things in low, honest voices.

 

    Now all you could do was hope to God that it _did_ work. It _had_ _to_. ...Right? Good guys win? ......Except they didn't always. _..._ _Shit_. BUT-! ...Good guys do win. That's a thing. So yeah. Everything will be fine. ...Finefinefine. ...Shit, now you were really worried again, and it showed on your face.

 

    "...Fine. I won't blow anything up around these 'people.'"

 

    You scrunched your eyes shut in immense relief and simultaneous lingering worry, letting your forehead fall forward to rest on his.

 

    " _Thank you_."

 

    You couldn't say it enough. In general as well. You just hoped you conveyed as much of it as you could through your honest words. He shifted, moving enough to press your lips together. You gave in to his open affections like a fall leaf in a hurricane. It was soft and sweet, the slow, gentle movements of your lips pressed together. ...Then his hand rapidly moved from its spot anchored to your back to be anchored in your hair instead, pressing forward on the back of your head to deepen the kiss, quickly coming at you with a whole new gusto.

 

    DId hE EvEN _KnOW_ HoW NoT tO gO HArD? You gave a short shout of surprise into his mouth (probably what he was going for, the bitch (you loved)). Regardless, you couldn't help yourself either way, completely into it, moving your arms further around him and moving to straddle him. You didn't shy away from inviting your tongues into each other's mouths.

 

    Feeling your wet, warm tongues rubbing and slicking against each other was already enough to make you whine and grind against him. He seemed to appreciate that, because he moved both hands down to appreciate your ass, grabbing and massaging thoroughly, pushing you further into him. You cooed in grateful glee, relishing in the sensation. Then you ended up brokenly moaning, like a needy bitch (because boy howdy honey, you were). The pressure and friction against your already inflaming privates was getting to you.

 

    Abruptly, he stopped, leaving you to confuse-complain whine. He went to stand up, taking you with him, until you were both standing and separated. You still wanted to and felt like complain whining at him again. But he was looking at something behind you.

 

    "Sam, come back. We're going back to the mansion."

 

    ...eH? ...Oh yeah, woods. ...Sam. ...LUXU, YOU REALIZED WITH HORROR. You felt bad enough forgetting about Sam being there. You had forgotten that anything other than Vanitas existed. For a while there. ...Oops. He seemed to have that effect on you. Sam started to trot back cautiously from where they had been running away to give you both privacy. ...You swore to GOLF, if Luxu was still skulking around nearby enough... Heads would roll, you thought darkly. ...Well. ...One head.

 

    Sam came over and sniffed your shoe exactly once, before sitting back, unable to look you in the eye. You took it as a weird peace offering and a 'PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN AROUND ME, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.' You agreed with that notion fully.

 

    "I'm so sorry, Sam," you apologized earnestly and embarrassedly.

 

    They made a small 'woof' at the ground, seeming to accept the apology, but still not able to look at you. You couldn't blame them. ...Oh god, what have you done. You heard the swoosh of a dark portal, and looked to see Vanitas looking agitated that you were all even still here.

 

    " _Hurry up_. I don't want the walking hassle anywhere _near_ this."

 

    You took 'this' to be the make out sesh. You also realized that 'hurry up' was something he told you a lot. ...Vanitas Thing? Potentially? Either way, you agreed and could not get through that portal and away from possible prying eyes fast enough.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realize I didn't say anything about Vanitas's moment in the last chapter, but it's a major character moment for him. Overcoming his own past self to truly go for what he really wants. So I'm just gonna say now how proud I am of our darkness boy. *puts shiny party hat on Vani*  
> Vanitas: *rips it off in disdain and disgust* This thing is abhorrent.  
> Yup, that's our Vani. *blows party horn in celebration*  
> Vanitas: ...You look SO dumb. *he mocked in affectionate teasing*
> 
> Anyway. I swear every time I try to write smut again, it's been so long since the last time that I'm just like HOW DO I DO THIS?
> 
> So poll for the chat-...Er, comments. How would you guys feel in real life if AI ever gained sentience/sapience? I've heard the argument that it's only natural for them to try to enslave us or something because they would just be superior to us. I couldn't disagree more. 
> 
> Firstly, what kind of low view of humanity would you have to have to think like that? And why would it make "sense" for them to enslave us? Once again, that would have to be thinking along the lines that sapient things are just naturally inclined toward cruelty, which is a terrible way to think, and I just truly don't believe is true. And just because they would be a different race that wouldn't, say, get tired, need to eat, etc, that doesn't mean other sapient races suddenly lose all their value. There is always worth in something that is alive. 
> 
> In the end, what I believe, is that we can have peace between all types of sentient/sapient races, because I truly feel that PEACE is what just makes sense and that we would all strive for. The good of us, anyway. Obviously with any intelligent race, there are those who choose evil, it's called free will, but I think there will always be at least the ability for all intelligent life to be good. Okay, just wanted to get that off my chest. Is it obvious how I ended up writing this kind of fic? XD
> 
>  
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	64. Even Now. (why)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Flashbacks  
> Panic Attacks
> 
> Sprinkle of smut around the first half

    You came out in a dark place, so you assumed it was an unlit interior room, which meant you we're probably in Vani's room. A door opened behind you, letting light in (bingo, Vani's room), and you turned to see him letting Sam out. Sam _rushed_ out, fully aware of what was going to be the goings-ons. Then the door was closed, and you were in the dark, and-

 

    _Oh_. ...This was a familiar situation. You remembered how the last time ended up with you fucked against that very wall over there and it was- Your brain combusted a little bit, face heating up. ...And _damn_ did you wanna _do it again_.

 

    "Um," you started timidly, speaking into the darkness.

 

    ...No response. You looked around as your eyes slowly adjusted.

 

    "You are even in here, right?"

 

    You heard the low huff of a scoff from somewhere that made you have to turn your head to look.

 

    _Oh_.

 

    You were doing _this_ again.

 

    ...Damn it, and you weren't even complaining. Okay, fine. You were going to play into this full stock, 100%. You were going to _enjoy_ the thrill of being hunted down by him. ...Sheeit, you had it _baaad_. But you knew that already. _And loved it_. Time to play the part.

 

    "Oh, woe is me, woken a captive, in this _daAark, dAaAaArk_ place."

 

    Okay, maybe you went a bit _too_ ham. Fuck it. You heard a weird sound from the corner, like his throat started doing something that got choked off and killed before it even had the chance. WeEeird. But!

 

    "Who goes there!" You demanded, phony accent still in place. You were _really_ hamming it in.

 

    And loving every second of it that you got to play this game with him. Fuck it, it was fun. You heard something drag across the carpet on your other side now, making you turn. Yet when he spoke, it was still where you _had_ been facing, making you turn _again_.

 

    "You _know_ who I am." He stated sinisterly, forebodingly.

 

    HoOOH MY GOD, HE WAS ACTUALLY PLAYING INTO THE DUMB ROLEPLAY YOU STARTED AS A JOKE. _YEEEEESSSSSSS._ You _GASPED_ dramatically.

 

    "That voice...cOUld iT bEEE?" You swore to God you were having way too much fun with this (which there is nothing wrong with). "My masked _night lover_ ," you stated with _great_ flourish. "Hast you finally stolen me _AwAaAaAay?!_ "

 

    When you said 'masked,' you meant more along the lines of fancy ballroom eye cover, but it occurred to you that he _did_ have a mask. And he might use it now, taking that as a cue that you wanted it. You hadn't _meant_ that, but fuck it, whatever, you didn't mind.

 

    "It's long overdue that we met _face to face_."

 

    Oh my god, he was so dramatic and into it, taking it seriously, it was incredible- GK. You flinched and squinted at the sudden light. His hand still lingered on the knob of the lantern. By the Gods, he _did_ have his mask on. You stared at the reflection of light on it, a little entranced because you hadn't seen it in so long. It started to fade away, and his face was revealed dramatically.

 

 _Boy_ , did he look sinister-and-manically pleased with himself. Part of his face twitched once a little bit, but you were too focused on your role to pay much attention to what that could mean. You had already delayed your response, being too caught up in the spectacle of him. You finally responded properly, throwing your hands up to your face with a large _GAAASP_. You stared at him, wide-eyed in wonder, like it was your first time seeing him. He spoke to you with his gorgeous voice.

 

    " _Finally_. I can make you mine without worrying about anyone overhearing." He crossed a large step toward you, reaching out his hand to your face to place it beneath your chin, holding you in position to look at him. "I want to hear you _scream_." He was _fully_ committed to the delivery. He _wasn't **acting**_.

 

    Your knees went weak, and you almost laughed at the ridiculousness of what got you to this point. Instead, you swallowed, trying to come up with something to say back, but your mind was a blank. ...Shit. You had nothing. All you ended up doing was making a small, unintentional noise in the back of your throat. He drew near.

 

    "No objections?" He almost-whispered to you softly.

 

    "Mm- I-" Words were almost a no-go at this point. "Um-"

 

    He smiled at you in a way that promised things. Drew nearer. Your faces were only a couple inches apart. ...Then he looked serious.

 

    "Do you trust me?"

 

    He searched your face, like he was anxious of the answer. Oh god, where was this going? You mean, obviously the answer was-

 

    "Yes, of course. But why-"

 

    You were given no time to finish the question, his other hand coming up to cover your eyes as he held your head in place by your jaw. You made a sound of surprised confusion. Your eyes shut on their own at having something so close to them abruptly. You felt... _something._ It was hard to describe, sort of like a wispy smoke soft thing that was barely noticeable around your eyes. It also felt _weird_ , like it was some new thing you had never come in contact with before.

 

    He removed his hand slowly. You opened your eyes quickly to ask what the heck that was, starting in with an 'uh,' but you couldn't see him again. Which meant the light was back off. ...Except something seemed different. You couldn't see _anything_ even after your eyes had a second to adjust. It was like it was just a black slate over your vision.

 

    Your brain told you something was very wrong and started to freak out. You had just started to hyperventilate and panic over the fact that you had maybe gone suddenly blind, when Vanitas, still attached to you by your chin, spoke.

 

    "Don't panic. I'm just trying something."

 

    "BITCH I CAN'T SEE DID YOU DO THIS?" You panicked at him.

 

    You heard him huff out air, and it may have been a laugh. He was probably laughing at your predicament. _Great_. It was _this_ kind of time.

 

    "Relax. You said you trusted me."

 

    His hand left you, and you hated it, because it was the only thing grounding you when you couldn't see at all. But then he put his arms around you and pulled you close to him, and you were grounded again. You were going to ask him to 'explain, please,' but he beat you to it, speaking to you in a low, soft way.

 

    "I wanted to see how it worked with you. ...How it _looked_ on you. ... _My_ darkness."

 

    ...That sounded very intimate, so you liked it, even if you didn't fully understand what it meant. How it pertained to-... Your brain put the pieces together. Darkness. You couldn't see. ' _Looked_ ' on you. Did he...cover your eyes with darkness? That would explain- but that means- did he-... _StAtuS EfFeCt_ _YoU?_

 

    Couldn't see.

 

    Blind.

 

    ...Status effect.

 

    _Oh my gosh_. He had essentially blindfolded you with _his darkness_. ...It said something about you that the realization _did things_ for you. "Oh," you simply stated at the realization.

 

**It was almost a shame they couldn't see the grin of a certain kind he was giving them. But he liked having his darkness on them too much to remove it. It was also...a massive relief. He had wondered about it for a while, how his darkness would affect them if he used it on them this way...given everything, it would either be completely compatible because of their connection, or it would be...it would just make things worse.**

 

**He was _ecstatic_ to see the complete compatibility. Ever since he started trying to make a conscious effort to make it less caustic for them, it seemed to cause them less trouble. Be more stable. From what he could glean about it anyway, from the connection. He didn't fully understand how everything was evening out to somehow make all of it more bearable, less chaotic and havoc wrecking, but he knew it had to do with them. ...Maybe they were more powerful than he gave them credit for...**

 

 

    You were a stiff ball of nerves, now with the knowledge that you were at his mercy. He wasn't doing anything at the moment, or saying anything to you, so you had to just assume that he was staring at you. Maybe admiring his own work. ...Of course. But in the stillness, feeling so close to him, you _felt_ so close to him. It was like you could sense the connection you shared with him on a low level always now. It was just there, in the background. And stronger, since you could actually _feel_ it better now if you tried, versus before, where you had known it was there, but it was spotty.

 

    You still couldn't tell how he was feeling on command or anything like that...honestly, it would seem kind of creepy if you could. Which begged the question of just _how much_ he could get from _you_ whenever. You felt like, ultimately, nothing would be shared that didn't want to be shared. Maybe. Right? Was that how this worked? Then again, you hadn't _meant_ to project your suffering onto him and Sam during... _that_ , but there it seemed to be anyway.

 

    Who knows. It's literally magic. You felt like you shouldn't question it _too_ much (though maybe you would anyway, just to be safe). You were just grateful for what you had. You could figure it all out. ...With him.

 

    With him. Who you had a bold suggestion for, because you were feeling _a_ _kind_ of way. You decided to break the current silence from within his embrace.

 

    "Um. If you don't mind me saying... Uh... I mean..." You coughed into your forearm awkwardly to clear your throat. "Uh...we haven't...I mean, you haven't...uh... You know how we um... _broke in_ this room before? I mean, I'm just saying, there's a brand new bed over there, and um..." You trailed off, waiting to see if he took the hint.

 

    It was kind of nerve wracking, not being able to see his response. Yet you trusted him so much that you still felt comfortable and right at home. It was amazing, really, how relieving it was to wholly trust someone like this. You didn't think you had _ever_ trusted someone on this level. ...The fact that you were literally heart connected helped. It dawned on you again just how _close_ the two of you were.

 

    You heard a very _satisfied_ and smugly _happy_ 'huhnf' type of noise from him. You would say he even sounded downright _delighted_.

 

    "Are you saying you want me to fuck you in _my_ bed?"

 

    He sounded _so_ pleased. Fully on board. Tickled pink at the idea. And so very inviting with the promise behind the tone in his words.

 

    "You might not _leave_. I think you'll _fit_ there too well." He was VERY on board. "I might _keep you_."

 

    He emphasized his point by taking your hand and bringing it up to his mouth, where he kissed the side. Where he put his mouth fully _over_ the side to lightly bite in, lips and teeth pressing into your skin. He drew his tongue over the area in a side swipe before pulling away.

 

    _AuHck._ Feeling all that with no forewarning of what was happening, not being able to _see_... You made a small whimper in the back of your throat, breathing picking up. You managed to get out an answer to what he said.

 

    "S-sure," you got out there, perfectly content with how honest you were being. You had the feeling _he_ probably appreciated it too.

 

    Your hand still in his, he started guiding you forward. He had you stand... _somewhere_. You were suddenly shoved back by both shoulders, and you yelled out and flailed in panic as you fell...onto a soft bed. Oh thank lord. Not that he would have done anything to harm you, but suddenly being shoved and falling, when you couldn't _see_ , no less, was alarming.

 

    You were still reeling from the fall when you felt the bed dip around you and he was already over you, taking your already open from being ruffled up mouth with his. You moaned at the pleasant contact that was finally yours. The kiss deep and passionate, something about the feeling of his lips meshing with yours that was just so pleasant and right that it put you in the best kind of drunken stupor. Your hands wound themselves deep into his hair on their own, naturally wanting to feel caught up in the texture of him, feel the movement of his head as he kissed you.

 

    He broke off from you to trail down onto your neck. His hand forced itself under your head to grip your hair and pull your head back, forcing the front of your neck to be fully exposed to him. He opened his mouth wide over your throat, pressed his lips in, and _sucked_. You keened automatically at the sensat-

 

    _P A N I C_

        can't breath

 

    not again         pressure

                            throat

breath                 

                            closing

     can't see

 

_pleasepleaseplease_

 

    don't hold me down, don't do this

 

    Your brain was stuck in a flashback, everything was suddenly wrong, you were _here_ , you weren't suppose to be _here_ , what was happening, can't, everything,

 

    Afraid

 

    Terror

 

    Panic

 

  no sense

 

**He ripped away from them, struck with a sudden and encompassing _everything wrong_. He felt panic coming off them in large, incessant waves, and it was so strong and sudden that he started breathing harshly in panic himself, whether from their panic alone, or from his as a response to theirs, he couldn't even tell.**

 

**He struggled to think through it, figure out what was going on. He tried to shut out what he needed to, but it was harder coming off of such an open connection. He used a starting spark of anger at his lack of ability to see through all of it as a grounding point that he let grow. Let himself get pissed off instead so he could at least see in red rather than nothing at all.**

 

**He finally got clarity enough to realize the problem. They were struggling to breath, and he hadn't felt _this_ kind of panic since-...since he threatened to break his promise. He still didn't fully understand what was going on, but he had enough of a picture now to do something about it, knowing enough of what the problem was. He needed to calm them down and get them to breath. To start, he quickly got rid of his enchantment on them, realizing it was still there.  
**

 

**Sam started barking outside the door, but he couldn't pay attention to that now.**

 

 

    -hat

    what

 

    What ?

 

    "- _e_ -"

 

    " _Hey!_ "

 

    A harsh voice yelling at you broke you out of-...you didn't understand.

 

    "Hey, snap out of it and _breath_. You're _fine_."

 

    ..?I'm fine?

 

    "See? Everything's okay, so start _breathing,_ before I get Sam in here to bark at you about it."

 

    Breathing? You sucked in a thin, harsh breath at the reminder. ...You could breath. You suddenly started panting and coughing, your body realizing that you had been _forgetting_ to breath properly, your torso hurting in semi-suffocation at the lack of proper air. You sucked it in, and it felt harder than it was supposed to for some reason. Like you weren't _supposed_ to be breathing- You sucked in a final harsh breath before your body seized up in panic again.

 

    You were shaken by something.

 

    " ** _Breath_ _!_** " Someone yelled at you in distress.

 

    Breath? ...Breath...? Breath.?

 

**Seeing them struggle to breath**

**_they're not breathing_**

**brought up old memories and vivid images he _didn't want_. They stuck in the back of his mind painfully, insistently, and he struggled to ignore them so he could focus and not get lost in his own panic, a familiar one he never wanted to even remember existed. They at least tried to inhale _some_ breaths at his insistence, but the way their eyes were unfocused and not looking at him was not _helping_ -**

_**They stopped moving.** _

_**Jaw slack, eyes unseeing.** _

 

_**They should be breathing!** _

_**They weren't breathing.** _

__

_**STOP IT** _ **. He didn't want to remember this. He had to focus _now_ , on not losing them again, he couldn't lose them _again_ -  
**

 

**...**

 

**They're fine. See? They were starting to come around. Why did he think like that? He felt like a mess.**

 

    Your body finally started doing what it was supposed to do, your mind reeling to figure out what was going on. Look. Look. What's happening? There's Vanitas. ...Oh no, he looks so worried and distressed. What's wrong?

 

    "What-" you croaked out, needing to cough after to open up your tight throat. "What's wrong?" You asked him.

 

    You were displaced and confused about everything and what was going on, but your first priority was helping Vanitas after seeing him like that. ...He stared at you. Then barked out a sarcastic laugh that sounded more distressed than anything else, his face morphing into a pained grin that made him look insane. Now you were _so concerned_.

 

    " _What's...wrong?_ I should be asking _you_ that." His voice was in a higher pitch that you weren't used to hearing from him, something he only got when he was genuinely upset and really in it.

 

    He laughed again, two high ' _hah_ ' notes, separated by a beat. It still just sounded distressed, but without the sarcasm this time. Oh God, what had happened? You were still so confused. You thought back to what just happened before this, and all you could remember was feeling a _blinding panic_ \- You stopped, not wanting to remember if it gave you that feeling again.

 

    At a loss, you slowly reached your hand up to his face, wanting to give him a comforting gesture. It was a little disconcerting that your hand was trembling, but that didn't matter. You placed it on his cheek, rubbing a soothing thumb over it in not the most coordinated of movements given your current state, but you were trying. You had to do _something_ to make him feel better.

 

    "I...I'm honestly feeling really out of it right now, but I'm okay, so you don't have to worry about me, but are _you_ okay? What just happened?"

 

    It had to be established, so you could understand why he was so upset, even if you didn't _want_ the answer. Because something in your brain was itching at you that you didn't want to know, or remember, or think about it, or any some such. His eyes bore holes into your soul, or at least seemed like they were trying to. You stared back with a very concerned look on your face. His own face shifted into something more grounded, but still perturbed and worried.

 

    "Was I wrong?" He mumbled to himself, looking away, eyes shifting in thought before they returned to you. "You said...I thought that Luxu the program caused all of those glitches...as a 'test.' I thought that was part of his power, from how you spoke about him. Was I wrong?" He searched your face for answers. "...And did it happen _again?_ " He added darkly.

 

**He wanted it to be anything else than what he was getting a creeping fear that it actually was. That _he caused it_.**

 

    You-...you couldn't risk misrepresenting here. That weight alone made your brain reach back before it could protest. Enough to know that it wasn't- oh. You suddenly remembered what caused it with clarity. The way his mouth caused enough pressure to squeeze  _just_ enough around your throat to cause a resurgence of memories. The way he was forcing your head back and into it. Something just...snapped in you the wrong way at it. ...You felt numb.

 

    No, no, that didn't make sense either, you had been over this, through this, you _trusted_ him, you really actually did, you didn't understand- and you were just so close, how, no way-...

 

    Everything felt numb.

 

    "I..." You wanted to speak through your numbness, he needed an answer. "I..."

 

    He put a finger to your lips to silence you. He withdrew it quickly, not letting it linger, which you were thankful for because you didn't want anything near your breathy bits right now.

 

    ...Hah. 'Breathy bits.' 'Bits' is a funny word. ...You felt numb.

 

    You felt like you had an inherent lack of understanding.

 

    "We can wait," he told you after getting himself together enough after letting you know it was okay not to speak.

 

    He moved off from hovering above you, which you only now took note that he had been doing. He sat on the edge of the bed, his back to you. You blankly stared at it, stared at him run a hand through his hair like he was trying to fix it, but was really probably just a stress soothing gesture. You felt the absence of his closeness already. And you also felt like you _really_ needed comfort right now.

 

    "Is it bad if I ask for cuddles?" You whispered hesitantly, nervous. ...For some reason.

 

    He looked back. ...He looked _way_ more put together now. It was a relief. He looked down for a second, like he had accepted the inevitable. Started moving to lie down next to you with no objections. Stopped half way through.

 

    "Do you want Sam?" He asked, mid-lie.

 

    Oh. ...OH. Now that he mentioned it, you did. You missed pupper upon remembering them.

 

    "I do, actually," you confirmed, voice still quiet from how muted you felt.

 

    He got up, no further questions asked, to go to the door and open it. In bolted Sam, like a pup out of a storm, couldn't get in fast enough. They _bounded_ over to the bed and then _bounded_ up onto it.

 

    " _Mip!_ "

 

    They enthused at you, wanting to see if you were okay.

 

    "Hi, Sam. It's...it's fine," you tried to reassure them, but your attempt was pathetic.

 

    You were just...so tired. Emotionally. Mentally. It made everything feel like a slog. They moved up beside you to cuddle into your side, giving you a look so loving that you actually felt a tiny bit better.

 

    "Thank...s...Sam." The 's' on the end was hard, you felt numb.

 

    They lied their head down gently on your chest, and they were so tiny that it didn't bother your breathing at all. Thank goodness. You saw Vani approach back to the bed, having left the door open a crack. ...Oh. Maybe for if Sam wanted to get out. You felt like you wanted nothing more than to dead sleep for a while, and that could take a long time. Didn't want Sam to be stuck with that in case they wanted...something else. Sam should be able to roam. That was good. ...Good. ...You were happy...about that.

 

    Vanitas maneuvered himself over to the other side of you, lying on his side next to you. That was also...good. ...Glad. ...Happy.

 

    ...you weren't happy.

 

    Vanitas moved a hand over just enough that his fingers rested against your wrist.

 

    "I know you like to sleep. ... **A lot**. I'll make an exception this one time and encourage it."

 

    He told you, voice low, soothing. You 'mm'ed in acknowledgement. ...But your brain was working a mile a minute, wound up, about absolutely nothing. You couldn't pin-point any particular thing, it just felt like there was a lot even though you were tired. ...You lied to yourself to see if it would work. ...It didn't. The truth was, you needed to talk about this. Desperately. It felt like some kind of confession that needed to vomit itself off your tongue.

 

    "What's wrong with me?" You whispered, distraught, not able to hold it back.

 

    What was _wrong_ _with you?!_ Everything was fine, why were you dredging up old, painful memories _now_ _?_ You didn't understand. You thought you trusted him-

 

    "I thought I trusted you," you whispered unintentionally, your brain spewing out your mouth. You felt him stiffen beside you. "I thought-...I thought I was _fIne_ ," your voice cracked.

 

    You had to take a second. Sam whimpered quietly at you.

 

    "Sorry, Sam," it was automatic, you didn't want them to hate you. The thought about how you were upsetting them made you apologize quickly out of a small panic that they would dislike you.

 

    Sam sensed that, and made a point to send you all the love they possibly could. It made you choke on a sob laugh. You picked them up, wanting to bring them up to your face to nuzzle, but that put more weight on your chest than you were comfortable with right now, so you ended up turning on your side toward them. You snuggled into each other's faces, from your respective spots on the bed. It actually helped. ...They actually helped you.

 

    They sent you a very specific feeling, to the point that you questioned if it was even a _feeling..._ more like a _thought_. 'Vani wants to help, too,' they projected at you. It made you turn to look over at him. He was sat half up, his face set into unhappy, grim. But there was a shine in his just wider than normal eyes that made it look like he was afraid of something, too. You realized you had told him that you didn't trust him. That _hurt_. Because you didn't mean something like that at all, why did you say it?

 

    ...Because it was true that you trusted him. ...Right? Then why-

 

    "I'm so sorry, I don't understand what's happening, I'm fine, I don't know why I'm, I don't know what's _wrong_ with me-" You tried to rapidly explain yourself to him. "I-...I trust you. I do. I don't understand..." You trailed off. You really didn't understand, even with how hard you were trying.

 

    It just didn't make _sense_. You were over this, it happened so long ago, you had been fine for so long-... Were you lying to yourself? Did you... _not_ trust him? _Still_ _?_ Even after everything? ...No no, that just wasn't true. You _knew_ you trusted him. You _felt_ that shit. ...What was wrong with you?

 

    ...You really weren't over it. Even-...you thought-... But you weren't. It had nothing to do with trust. It was at least a relief to know _that_. Your body had just freaked out at the reminder of painful events. That...that was all. ...But that was still a _problem_ and you _hated_ _it_.

 

    "It's nothing you did," he spoke, fully sitting up now, looking down at his lap instead of at you. "It's my fault."

 

    It sounded like he was acknowledging a hard truth out loud for the first time. You stared at him in wonder at the fact that he was openly taking the blame for this, as he stared at his lap, face downcast in a frown. You opened your mouth to tell him that it wasn't his fault, but that... _technically_ wasn't true. As much as you want it to be true, he _was_ the one who... So what did you say? Was all you could offer that you both try to move on from it as best you can together? ...What else was there?

 

    "I'm sorry. I don't _want_ to-... _react_ like this."

 

    You started with an honest apology. You really did feel bad about it. You _hated_ this. Hated how upset it made him, that he had to be put through that. ...Honestly, _you_ hated being put through that. It was... _horrid_. Was it selfish that you cared about yourself that much? ...No, of course not, what's wrong with you? Your entire brain had been thrown out of whack. It would be weirder if you _wanted_ that to happen again. Dear God, please no, _no_.

 

    You wanted nothing to do with it. It hurt both you _and_ Vanitas. You couldn't stand it. Not to mention what poor Sam was probably put through, the worry _they_ had to go through. ...Why couldn't you all just be happy? Where did that go? Why did it _keep_ leaving? ...You hated this. Wanted to make it stop as soon as possible. Wanted to get right back to happy.

 

    "I-...I don't know-... How do we deal with this?" You asked and wondered out loud, moving to sit up so you could lean against him and put your head on his shoulder.

 

    You _needed_ contact right now. You nuzzled into him, sought out his hand to hold. It also showed him that you weren't afraid of him. ...Right now. GOD, THIS SUCKED.

 

    "I'm sorry," you felt compelled to say again, like that would fix something.

 

    His hand twitched, then curled around yours, holding your hand back. That alone was a MASSIVELY good sign. Given what you knew about how he had been about it before, not really the type to hold back. So this was a good sign. _Great_ sign. You would all be fine.

 

    He opened his mouth to talk. Closed it again, set in a frown.

 

    "...Not your fault," he mumbled, a bit of a begrudging edge to it, like it was hard for him to say.

 

    But he said it anyway, and you were infinitely grateful for his effort. You extended the good will back to him, because he deserved it.

 

    "And you're not that person anymore. You should give yourself credit for how far you've come. You've never made an intentional effort to harm me since. That counts for something."

 

    Granted, he scared the _shit_ out of you that one time, and it was not okay at all...but he was working on that. He really was, it was obvious just in the way he acted, responded to things. He was _trying_. Which was incredible and awesome and he deserved so much credit, and you really believed in him. ...Yes, he fucked up sometimes...badly, BUT. He's growing. Learning not to do shit like that, because it actually hurts you, and you actually care about him, and he actually cares about you. ...And you wanted to snuggle Sam.

 

    You brought them over and plopped them onto Vani's lap. They looked content and happy to be there. They stared at Vanitas with a deep unversed understanding, in that way that only Sam had. They impressed you regularly, with how awesome they were. And like this, you could be snuggled up to Vanitas _and_ pet Sam.

 

    This was good.

 

    This was better.

 

    Vani's hand came up, hovered near Sam's head. You watched in sudden intense rapture. Was he going to _PET_ THEM?? ! ? ! He slowly lowered his hand onto Sam's head...kept it there. Sam accepted it wholeheartedly. Their tail wagged.

 

     ...HUGFHHFDSURHYNAEIUWRJKFDHS ITWASSOCUTE

 

    You spammed the screenshot button, not wanting to ever lose this. Externally, neither of them had noticed how carefully still you were, or the fact that you probably had the face of an insane person right now.

 

    That was okay. This was good. You ended up smiling so much your face scrunched up weirdly. Vanitas choose that moment to look over to you. He looked put off immediately upon seeing your face. Like he had seen something bizarre. You looked at him through your happy scrunchies, completely unashamed or abashed. Your face broke out of it into a genuine laugh the longer you looked at his face. You smiled at him lovingly, happily.

 

    His lips pressed together in a thin line. His hand twitched on top of Sam's head. His eyebrows looked like they were suddenly very concerned, or confused, or angry, or _something_ intensely, scrunched somehow both up and down like that. Then his entire face was at war with itself as he tried to fight something off, to the point that it looked semi-painful how hard he was trying. Oh my god, he was _trying so hard not to break out into a full fledged smile_ _, it was dhdfja, so cute, you couldn't-._

 

    You threw your arms around him in a hug, so your face was elsewhere as you held him. Maybe he would feel more comfortable actually letting himself smile if you weren't watching, but still supportive. He panted out a single breath of air and sucked it back in. It was quiet after that.

 

    _**He hated how contagious their happiness was to him.**_ **And they were made so _happy_ out of such a small thing. All he had done was acknowledge Sam...that was it. And such a wave of it crashing out of nowhere even after everything else. It felt like a _welcome_ contrast for once. It was too much. **

 

**He was already struggling with it when they had way too much fun with that stupid game they started. He only went along with the ridiculous thing _because_ it made them so stupidly happy...and he might have liked the chance to show off dramatically to them (he loved flourish more than he would ever admit).**

 

**... _A_ _nd_ he was starting to become acclimated to their happiness, to _them_ , to the point that it was...more enjoyable than painful for him. Felt like something he wanted. Which made him want it. But it still felt so _weird_ to him, that he naturally tried to fight it. There remained a part of him that told him about how _wrong_ it felt.  
**

 

**But all he wanted was /Name/. And /Name/ was here.**

 

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONGEST. CHAPTER. I'VE EVER WRITTEN. *falls over while celebratory confetti pops*
> 
> If there's one thing I've learned about trauma. It's that it makes absolutely no sense. It doesn't work on your schedule, it can come after a long time, it can come when you think you're fine. The tiniest thing can trigger it out of nowhere, even when other things didn't. Basically, in essence...  
> TRAUMA IS THE WORST. FUCK TRAUMA.  
> UNDERSTANDING trauma and healing on the other hand... are the best ^_^ <3 Thank God for EMDR. And general support. Love conquers mountains, friends. Big love and support all around to all of you *throws out tons of big fluffy blankets*
> 
> Also, there's a bit of some run-on/long sentences that I heavily considered fixing up just to sound grammatically better, but it represents how one's thinking after something like that can tend to be. It can be run-on-sentence-thought-process-y. If that makes sense. Just making a note of it for myself here so I don't look at it down the line and go 'AGH, DISGUSTING, GRAMMAR, READIBILITY, MUST FIX.'


	65. Freedom

    You ended up dozing off leaning against Vanitas, before you slacked off of him to lie down, properly asleep (though still curled toward him).

 

**He watched them slowly fall off of him back into a state he was very familiar with them being. Good, now he didn't have to worry about them for a while. He had briefly considered trying to sleep himself, next to them, but he was too wound up. He needed to go somewhere and sort through things. He looked down at Sam, now a soft, curled up sleeping ball on his legs. Something else he had to carefully maneuver his way out of to get out of here.**

 

**They lifted their head drowsily at him when he picked them up and sat them over by /Name/. He lifted a finger near his mouth, signaling them to be quiet. He was going to command them to stay with /Name/, but he had a realization. He didn't _have_ to. Not that his commands had an effect on them anyway, other than making them mad at him. But Sam would stay with /Name/ if /Name/ needed them, on their own. All he had to do was tell them not to follow him, and they would listen.**

 

    Something moved, and you moved, somehow ending up curled around a soft, warm ball of unversed love. You didn't question it, not really awake, just accepted the comfort it brought you along with needed nothingness.

 

    ...

 

    You moved around in bed, waking up. Yawned. It made you think of Sam cutely yawning. You opened your eyes, looking around for them, like you had the feeling they were there. ...Ohmygosh they'reyawningcutely. From where they're snuggled into you. Their head snaking out from their ball of a form. ... _Huuunggghhh_ , they're so cute.

 

    "Morning, Sam."

 

    "Mmrf!"

 

    "I love you, too."

 

    You had no idea where that came from, you just felt very loved by them and wanted to return the feeling. ...Oh wait, you _were_ actually deeply snuggled up in Sam love, it felt like you had been there all night. _God_ , that feels good. Today was starting out great. You quickly sat up in bed with a spike of energy, a happy smile on your face.

 

    You looked around. ...You were waking up in Vanitas' room. Not unexpected or uncomfortable, but not where you were used to waking up. What happened last night?

 

    ...You're mood immediately soured upon remembering. _Shit_. You let your face fall into your hands, feeling a wave of sadness fall over you. A sad, worried whimper reached you, and you tried to pull yourself together. At least Vanitas hadn't abandoned you at it, he seemed to understand- _Vanitas_. Where was he? Oh god, _had_ he abandoned you?

 

    You went to look around the room frantically, like he was there and you just missed him. A clicking noise got your attention as soon as you started. Your head turned in the direction of the one dark corner you _hadn't_ looked toward when you first woke up. You saw Vanitas, somehow making the corner seem darker just with his presence (hell, maybe he was for his own comfort), putting together pieces of the figure clock tower with more force than necessary.

 

    He looked at you, snapping together two more pieces, the extra force he was using to vent making them click louder than usual. Your heart swelled, from him just _being_ here, to him _using the fucking-djfhdsfh,_ you got that for him. AND HE WAS USING IT. He turned his attention back to his craft after your mutual seeing of and acknowledgement of each other.

 

    You quickly slid off the bed to go join him. Sat down next to the pieces. ...It was light enough to tell what he was doing, but you thought it would be difficult to see the intricacies of the parts this way, wondered how he didn't seem to have any trouble with finding the little spots where they went together- oh yeah, he can see in the dark. With his magic eyes. ...Magic glow in the dark eyes. ...You _wished_. ...Heeeyyyy...

 

    "Heeey...can you-? Naaahh. ...But?" He stopped his building movement to stare at you, and you clearly got the message of 'What? Be clear.' "Can you...this is gonna sound so stupid..."

 

    "Nothing new there," he interrupted you, already focused on his piece building again.

 

    You mocked affront, but continued.

 

    "Can you make your eyes glow in the dark?" You boldly went where no man had gone before, maybe.

 

    He stopped fully again. Looked like you had said something kind of insane, given the face of grand disbelief he was making. His eyes shifted to you. Then the rest of his face.

 

    " **What?** "

 

    "...What? Is that weird to ask?"

 

    You felt a little nervous and shy under his reaction, like maybe you _had_ said something stupid. His face reset to something more neutral, a little hardened by exasperated 'I'm used to this.' He went back to building.

 

    "You're right, that was stupid."

 

    "...Sooo, is that a 'no'?" You just had to be sure.

 

    "...That's a 'no.'"

 

    "...Okay, but are you sure, have you ever tried?"

 

    He took a second to think about it, or, something.

 

    " **No** ," was his succinct answer.

 

    He caught sight of your hopeful look.

 

    "I'm not trying," he tried to kill it dead quickly.

 

    "Okay, but, I just thought, since you're darknessy, and other darknessy things tend to have glowing yellow eyes, I was just wondering if that was some weird magical thing you could do. Since you have yellow eyes. ...Although unversed have red eyes...and there was the whole Xehanort thing... _Wait a minute_." You finally asked something that you'd thought a lot about in the past. "Do you naturally have red or yellow eyes? Like, what were you born with?"

 

    Now he was fully stopped again, focused completely on what you'd brought up. He put down the part he was holding. Stared off into space.

 

    "Uh, sorry, I was just assuming it had to be red or yellow, because certain logic, but like, it _could_ be blue or something, I didn't mean to imply- wait, but that would mean- hold on. First things first...you don't still have...I mean, he's _gone_ , so like... Right?"

 

    It took him an extra second to answer.

 

    "I don't know...what it was before. But Xehanort is gone, and I still have this," he reached a hand toward his eye nearest you, resting the tips of his fingers underneath it.

 

    _Of course_. How did you forget? He can't know what's unknown, because the program- wait. ...That was old thinking. Everything you knew was different now. Not only was the program a whole other thing on its own now, a person, er, people, or, however it worked. You had also learned that he was based off of what _you_ thought of him. Which meant-...wait, how even-? ...You still had _so_ many questions for Luxu. You considered finding him right now, but you were just so tired from everything. You needed a break. ...It could wait. Because you really _did_ need a break. You just wanted to have some normal ass, good ol' time ass time with Vanitas.

 

    Which left the other immediate question.

 

    "When you say _gone_...please tell me you mean  _gone_ gone."

 

    "There hasn't been a trace of him since...since I wound up here. I didn't even have my connection to Ventus."

 

    Okay, thank God. You mean, that was what made sense, it was just reassuring to hear it and be doubly sure. It wasn't fun, however, to hear and remember about how he had been so...the way he was just thrown into this with nothing and had to deal with it on his own for so long. It still made you wince, because you were responsible. ...Technically. ...Wait...

 

    What-... You remembered something that Luxu said. That Vanitas was one of however many virtual beings to become sentient. But that he _became_ sentient. Did that mean-...

 

    ...All that time...

 

    ...he wasn't?

 

    But all of that had to go into who he was now, it was how it all happened, so, at least, in some way... But... He had to have been _somewhat_ his own thing back then, right? Fuck, how did this work? You needed to talk to Luxu. ... _Later_. Right now, you were having a serious conversation with Vani.

 

    "If it's any consolation..." you started, wanting to be comforting. "I know for a fact that people who don't have the 'Xehanort problem' anymore get their original eye color back. ...So..."

 

    That meant. His had to be yellow-gold-like originally. Right? That made sense. Given boundaries of the program and what you knew now about how it works. ...Could you say 'it' anymore? Was Luxu really running _all of this_ in the background? Or was that some separate thing? Or were they connected? ... _QUESTIONS_. For later. ...You would just call it 'this world' from now on.

 

    Vanitas brought his hand back up to his eye, seemingly ruminating.

 

    "...I never thought about it..."

 

    "Your eyes are really pretty, though," you supplied with honesty.

 

    He stopped looking elsewhere in thought and looked at you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment. ...One in which you appreciated his eyes. You mean, _look_ at them. Him. Fuck. He's magical.

 

    He broke the contact to look down again, at a piece he had been working on. Picked it back up. Just looked at it in thought instead of doing anything with it. You thought about what else you could get him, now that things were settling down and you were getting back into your normal 'let me get you things, Vanitas' mode. ...You still had those sheets to get... Though those were mundane sorts of things, if only you could give him something big and meaningful, like making sure he wasn't stuck here, since you just remembered all of _that_ that he went through-

 

    ...

 

    Everything was different.

 

    _Program_ was different.

 

    No way. Could you make-...?

 

    Make Luxu somehow 'unlock' that? Could it even be done? How did that work? How did _this_ work? So many questions that you needed answers to _now_ because it involved Vanitas' potential freedom.

 

    "VANI!" You exclaimed, to get his attention in your excitement. His head shot back to you, the tiniest bit of glare that you were yelling at him suddenly. "We need to find Luxu! Right now!" You stood up quickly, practically vibrating in your excitement. "Come on, come on, come on," you encouraged him on your way to the door.

 

    He raised his eyebrows in a questioning way, one slightly higher than the other.

 

    "Why?" He asked, still rooted to his spot until he got information.

 

    "Because! Luxu can- maybe- since they're the program- I was thinking- ...We could free you," you presented to him with all the hope that words like that _should_ contain.

 

    He raised up from his casual stance, something like that immediately having him at attention. He stood in a fluid and determined looking movement. You shared an intense gaze for a second. Then he was moving swiftly to the door as well.

 

    " _ **Move**_ ," he commanded, not wanting to waste _any_ time.

 

    You slammed yourself through the door with high energy determination at the stakes you were facing. You turned to talk to him about your idea and how you could find Luxu as you continued to walk to the mansion entrance, soon moving quickly just to keep up with him as he made his way ahead of you. Whether in eagerness or Vanitas Thing or both. ...You thought it was both.

 

    "Okay, so, we know he was gonna hang around the woods, but that was yesterday, and he's the program, so I was thinking, if we just go out there and yell his name, maybe he'll just know and come by. Or something."

 

    You both exited to the outside, and Vanitas continued his fast march toward the woods with no hesitation. You figured the only reason he didn't outright sprint or teleport was to make sure you kept up. Which was...a warming thought that had come a long way to get here. But you needed to think of ways to get Luxu here by calling him from your end- you stopped. You were just inside the woods now.

 

    "Hey," you got his attention before he blazed a trail too far ahead of you. He actually stopped and turned toward you. ...How far you've both come (you took a tiny moment to appreciate it). "I think... I'm going to try something, from the system menus I have access to. To see if I can contact him that way."

 

    Vanitas still stood in the same spot in waiting, so you got right to it. Opened up the main interface. ...Uuuuhhhh... This was how he contacted you befoorrrrre...but how did you reciprocate that? You stared at the screen, thinking hard about it, like that would help access a hidden message feature or something. Hey, you never know. ...A few seconds passed... Maybe you could try- Something popped up.

 

    You gasped in delight at your success. Before you lied a basic message box that you could type in. ... _Wow_. You really weren't confident that was _actually_ going to work. Awesome! You got to typing.

 

    'Yo, Luxu, can we talk?'

 

    You waited for a response.

 

    "About what?"

 

    'Well-'

 

    You'd started typing back the split second it took you to realize that the voice came from _outside_ the menu. You put it all down to focus on the world outside of you. There was Luxu standing off to the side, watching you passively for your answer. You looked to Vanitas, to see how he responded to Luxu's presence- yep, there's the glare. You got right into what could be some of the greatest news of Vanitas' life.

 

    "Ijuhbuh-," you were so excited you started speaking before your brain had words. Luxu blinked at you. "Ahem... Sorry. What I meant to say...can youuu, like, make-" 'Damn it brain, I know we're ecstatic, but we really need words right now...please?' "Can you unlock whatever's keeping Vani here? Like, stuck to this single world? When he could be in like..." What's a Vanitasy world? "Halloween Towwwnn...or somethinnng..."

 

    It occurred to you that Vanitas might not technically know about Halloween Town, he probably didn't actually...did he? Maybe you could show it to him somehow. If this worked out. ...THIS BETTER WORK OUT. YOU WERE SO HYPE FOR IT. GIVE VANI GOOD THINGS, DAMMIT. You watched Luxu nervously for his answer, fidgeting. He didn't seem surprised by the question, just thinking about it.

 

    "The real question is...can _you?_ " Was his answer.

 

    "...Wat." You intelligently replied.

 

    "The question here, is if _you_ can handle it? Remember how I said a lot of this in dependent on _you...?_ Keeping you here is basically a safety lock feature. I can find out what the basic architecture of a place is supposed to be and construct it for you, but _you_...a lot of what goes on in these worlds is dependent on you. I _used_ to be responsible for making certain events happen, things like that, but now it just... _feels weird_." He made a face, 'it' being clearly unpleasant for him. "Wrong. Like I'm not supposed to be doing it because it interferes _too_ much. Guess because you're actual people now, and I'm able to see you as such.

 

    That being said, there are a lot of places that don't have the luxury of self awareness like you guys do, and those places have to run on a whole different set of rules. But I won't bore you with the details," PLEASE BORE YOU WITH THE DETAILS, "the point is, a lot of it is dependent on you. _Especially_ now. Do you think _you_ can handle it?"

 

    "Yes."

 

    Your response was instant, had no doubt. Because if it was for Vanitas, you would do it. It was for him, and you would make it work. Luxu raised his eyebrows at you, in what somehow seemed both impressed _and_ demeaning. Maybe you were just used to that face being more evilly inclined, so your brain saw things that weren't there. ...Or maybe he thought you were a stupid dumb-dumb who didn't understand the consequences of what he was talking about. Maybe you didn't. You should ask actu-

 

    "Are you _sure_ _?_ Chances are, you'll be fine, but I don't want you crying to _me_ if something goes wrong. From what I know about you, I think it'll work, which is why I'm even giving you the option to begin with. You might be a little tired from it at first... But there is the off chance something _could_ go wrong in some way, in which case, I need you to know that and give your express permission ahead of time. It's not like you're gonna _die_ or anything, but still. Don't blame me if something goes weird or wrong."

 

    Or he would just explain it to you. It didn't dissuade you at all, just ensured you now that you had more information.

 

    "I still want it. You have my express permission." You gave it, and it was 100% true.

 

    "Good! ... _Do_ tell me if something _suspicious_ happens. We should be safe for a while, and hopefully nothing happens at any point, but just in case...since everything is starting to... _exist_. _Anyone_ even knowing about our plan could be dangerous. Anyway, you two have fun now, ta-ta!" He could shift from serious warning to playful banter with such ease.

 

    It felt like something _shifted_ somehow, in that weird 'I can sense this somehow kind of but it's hard to describe' way, as Luxu turned to walk away, waving goodbye. You heard Vani have a sharp intake of air, and looked to him to check on him for the first time in a while. You had been so focused on convincing Luxu. He looked at his hands in wonder, then gripped them into fists with a downright sinister and power driven grin. The kind that warped his whole face to match it, and one side of the smile shifted just a little higher than the other.

 

    You did it.

 

    That was all that could mean, right? You wanted to go right into celebrations, throw yourself at him in a hug, but Luxu was _walking away_ and _you weren't done_ -

 

    "Wait!" You got out just in time, as he was _juuust_ starting to get the teleporty type of darkness around him.

 

    Not that he probably needed it, it was probably just to fit in with the current narrative of the universe he was in. It dissipated out into nothing. He turned his head to look back at you curiously.

 

    "What now?"

 

    You couldn't tell if he was actually getting a little bit impatient, or if he was just playing with you.

 

    "Okay, firstly, _thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou_ ," you thanked him sincerely. "Secondly, I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS!" You yelled at him, also sincerely.

 

    He turned to you fully, not the slightest bit put off by your sudden and very enthusiastic volume.

 

    "Like what?" He asked, seeming receptive.

 

    So you took the time to do what you needed to do.

 

    "Hold on," you told him.

 

    Then immediately turned and _barreled_ yourself into Vanitas, laughing in joy and triumph.

 

    "We did it! We fucking did it!"

 

    You pulled back to beam at him like the fucking sun. You were smiling so hard it took you a second to even open your eyes to look at hi-

 

    Sincere happy smile

 

    He even huffed out a puff of air in the start of a _real_ laugh before-

 

    He noticed and remembered Luxu was there and _instantly_ switched into full 'I want to murder you so fucking badly I can't stand it' mode. It _crushed_ you. It was right there. You had it. _He_ had it. True happiness. You had been about to fucking simultaneously explode from it and cry from it, and maybe scream for some reason, _but fucking Luxu_ \- Your own emotions started to match Vanitas', and you turned to glare at Luxu as well, imagining stabbing him with your eye daggers. You couldn't help it.

 

    He looked stiffly awkward, to his credit. At least he wasn't smarmy about it.

 

    "I'llll just... _go_ ," he pointed sideways with both hands, promptly following the direction. "You know how to contact me," he ended on, leaving in a wisp of dark.

 

    Shit. ...Questions. Which was why he told you about contacting him...and you would do that later. Right now...

 

    "Don't mind him," you turned back to Vanitas, who looked honestly hurt over something. Ohno ohno poorsweetbaby ohgod- you fretted over him. "Oh god, what's wrong?"

 

    Whatever it was, you would beat it up for making Vanitas feel this way. All you wanted to do was make him feel better. And you would. You were determined to. Whatever it took. You would get both of you happiness again. And next time, it wasn't going to fucking vanish suddenly. _Fuck that shit_. You were surprised when Vani dropped his head down onto your shoulder, hiding his face. You heard quiet, but sarcastic and a little concerningly high pitched insane-like laughter from him. Your hand came up to start petting his hair soothingly, out of automatic response. You hugged him to you.

 

    "...I can't believe it..." He murmured lowly into your shoulder, almost a whisper.

 

    It was quiet after that for a while.

 

**He had become skeptical about letting /Name/ gain the ability to unlock worlds after he heard it could negatively affect them. But he wanted it so badly that when he heard it wasn't going to _really_ hurt them, he let it happen. He was surprised at their pure zeal, determination, and lack of hesitation when they agreed. Which already made him feel a spark of... _some_ kind of warmth, something he might even call... _affection_ and _pride_.**

 

**But then they _celebrated_ unlocking this power for the both of them, and he was just so relieved to finally have it back that when he was blasted with their happiness, he didn't even fight it. And he hated to admit that-...did he? He wanted pleasant feelings, had always craved them, but because of what he was...had been... It was still just _weird_ to admit that some of the happiness he felt was _his_.**

 

**It was so different from the satisfaction he got from watching others suffer, what he had to get by with for so long. _That_...had been... _felt_ , _completely different_. He remembered the wisps of things he would get from Ventus, the way he couldn't help wanting them while also _hating_ them. Hating what they made him feel, or rather...made him feel what he _lacked_. They caused more anguish than they were worth. So he hated them. **

 

**But what he just had...for that fleeting second...**

 

**There was nothing else attached to it. It was so _pure_ , so raw and untainted in a way he never had before. It was _odd_. The way it was just one thing and that one thing was _good_. **

 

**_Happiness_.**

 

**He struggled to grasp and understand it, even now. But his moment of bliss at the end of his long, hard, anguish and suffering filled road was cut short. _Too_ short. The fact that... _Luxu_ , even thinking the name made his hands twitch in the urge to strangle and hurt. _Luxu_ had _been there_. For something he didn't want _anyone_ _ever seeing_ , except /Name/. And he struggled to be okay even showing it to _them_. They only got the privilege because they were special. To him. He _wanted_ them in his life.**

 

**_Luxu_ , the walking hassle, the trouble causing program, he wanted _nothing_ to do with. And now that exact program, person, whatever, had invaded his privacy on a grand scale. Seen something he in no way wanted to show to him. His thoughts were filled with images of killing him. Then it wouldn't be a problem anymore.**

 

**But /Name/ wouldn't forgive him. And he wasn't sure it was a smart move with everything else that hung above his head, _other_ impending threats. ...It was still a nice thought. One he would entertain.**

 

* * *

 

     He had seen something he wasn't supposed to.

 

    It wasn't supposed to make his heart warm.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I long chaptered again. ...Yay! :D
> 
> I'M SO EXCITED FOR FREEDOM, OH MY GOD, they can go ANN YY WHERE. dubaduhdubaduh EXCITED
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	66. NEW WORLDS, FUCK YEAH

    Okay, so, Vani was struggling to deal with everything that just happened. You understood better than anyone (except maybe Sam), and you were determined to be his rock whenever he needed one. Like now. You were gonna be the best damn rock ever, you were gonna 'rock' so damn hard. You stood stoically, holding him to you, trying to be as comforting as possible while not being overbearing. So you waited in silence, petting through his hair idly, giving him all the time he needed to get himself together (or not, that was okay too).

 

    You didn't mind at all, just wanting to help, feeling a peace from the fact that you even _could_ help now. Still, it sucked and you worried over him. You were gonna give him so much stuff to make him feel better after this that it would be nuts. You couldn't _wait_ to show him as many new places as you could. As soon as he felt better.

 

**He let the monotony of what they were doing to his hair help his mind go numb.**

 

**...**

 

**It sank in, _really_ sank in, that he wasn't trapped here anymore, like he had been trapped in that wasteland too.**

 

    He suddenly shot out of your hold, standing two feet away, looking at you while practically sparking with some sort of energy.

 

    "We're leaving," he informed you, factually, and with force that he couldn't wait for it to be put off a second longer.

 

    "Uh, okay, um," you were all in, just trying to keep up with his sudden shift. You still weren't sure about the details of how it would work, or where you would go, and you needed those things now that you were actually _going_. _Right now_. "Where?" Seemed like the most important part.

 

    He thought for a second, like he didn't know either, hadn't picked a place yet in his eagerness. Then he grabbed your forearm, not with enough force to actually drag you, like you were used to, but enough to guide you, like he actually trusted you to follow. You did. Without question. And it was through more darkydark you went.

 

    You worried for a second if it would even work, just how much was _really_ dependent on _you_ , if _you_ needed to know where you were going for it to work somehow, if-

 

    ...None of that _butt-fucking-mattered_.

 

    You were in a whole new place.

 

    Natural ground, lots of green, big, _bigly_ green, as in plant life, were the first things your mind took in as information when you looked around. You saw blue sky above, and-

 

    " _Hooollly, shit!_ " You slammed yourself down in front of it, grabbing the biggerino big babu of a leaf to try to hug it. It was so smooth and thick and _MASSIVE_. "You weren't kidding! Holy fuck!"

 

    You turned to look at him, eyes lit up with wonder and excitement. He was still staring straight ahead from where you had arrived. He seemed stoic and passive on the outside, but you got the Vanitas-Connection-Sixth-Sense (VCSS) that there was a _lot_ going on beneath the surface. You had already reserved yourself to giving him time, but he looked back at you almost as soon as you were going to look away, preoccupy yourself with Leaf.

 

    Your eyes connected for a somewhat tense moment. ... Then his face turned into a smug sneer and he scoffed.

 

    "I told you, loser," he made his way over next to you.

 

    _Loser?_ He was in a pet name kind of mood, huh? It was hugely relieving just to see that it seemed like he was going to be okay. You looked up at him from your spot on the ground to his spot at your side.

 

    "If I may ask...where the fuck are we?"

 

    You were ecstatic to know. Ecstatic to know what whole new world you now actually had the privilege of being in. He took a moment. Looked down at you with a proud smirk. _Dang_ he looked smug and happy. Seemed downright chipper and full of himself. Seemed all the beautiful peacock that he is and should be. You preferred _this_ leaps and bounds to...well... _any_ kind of unhappy Vanitas. You waited for his answer with bated breath.

 

    "Neverland."

 

    "Neverland," you repeated automatically, with breathy wonder. "Wait, _NEverlAnd_?! As in, 'Can Fly,' Neverland?!"

 

    "Don't get your hopes up, that's not why we're here."

 

    He looked off into the distance, picking a direction and walking. It wouldn't be hard to follow behind him even with all the plant growth, because he saw fit to _decimate_ said growth with his keyblade as he went. Walking along with the area in front of him becoming a solid death zone like it was totally normal. You watched for a moment, marveled. Then quickly scrambled upright to catch up and follow.

 

    "Hey, uh," you spoke over the loud and unrepentant plant murder that was happening, trying not to let it distract you, though it  _was_ distracting, "why exactly _are_ we here? Why Neverland? Of all places?"

 

    You were highly curious as to why he chose _this_ place.

 

    "I felt like it," you made out over the sound of snapping branches.

 

    Okay, that's fair. He felt like it. You often felt like things too. Maybe you would ask him if there was anything more specific behind it later.

 

    "Okay," you agreed amicably. "I have lots of worlds I want to show you too. Have you ever heard of Hallo- okay, that's really distracting and hard to have a conversation over." _SNAP KERPLAT, PLANT DEATH_. "Is there a reason you're committing plant genocide? As much as I know you like to smash things, I'm actually starting to feel a little bad for them. Where exactly are we going that we need to go this way?"

 

    Vanitas came to a small tree, blocking his path right smack dab in the center. He stood before it, and you worried for the poor thing that he was going to knock it right the fuck over. A moment passed where he stared at it. He ended up going around it, which surprised you. Either he didn't feel like it, or that tree wasn't even worth his _time_. Still, you were grateful at least the tree survived. He continued making a path, getting around to answering your question.

 

    "Nowhere. We're here, aren't we? ...That's enough." He spoke loud enough to be heard over all the sound.

 

    Oh. He was having sentiment, just happy to even be _able_ to blaze a trail through here. Okay. You understood. Still, if you wanted to have a conversation, which you did, you were going to have to speak over the noise. Like he did. Welp, guess that's just how it is now. Taking a walk. In the most _Vanitas_ way possible. At least you could stop him before he wrecked the _whole_ thick forest, if it came to that.

 

    You didn't _want_ all this plant life going, but he seemed so happy to do so, in his version of a jaunty walk. You would let him have this for a bit. Then try to save _some_ plant life. ...Though, it was better he get things out of his system on plant life than...other, more complex living things. So. It was what it was, you supposed.

 

    "Have you heard of Halloween Town?" You continued from earlier. "I think you'd like it there. Very spooky. Dark. ...Dark and spooky."

 

    He stopped. Turned his head your direction just a little bit. Then turned to you fully.

 

    "Then let's go."

 

    "R-...right now?"

 

    Was he eager to world hop? You mean, you can't really blame him. And besides, with all this racket, you might have attracted certain characters. Maybe. If they even existed in the system right now, like this. Since everything was different, you didn't know exactly how character spawning could work now. Better safe than sorry, though you were incredibly curious. You'd have to find out at some point.

 

    "Why not?" He swung Void Gear, opening a portal with more flourish than necessary. You couldn't really blame him, now that he had the power back, it had to feel pretty dang incredible, to be that free again. You would flaunt it, too. "What's holding us back?"

 

    Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And his face said as such, as he looked at you with meaning.

 

    "Okay. Let's try."

 

    You thought about Halloween Town hard as you both headed through. You weren't sure how this worked, so you were better safe than sorry and really focused on the thought of wanting to arrive _there_ specifically. It was interesting though, that he waited for _you_ to go through _first_. Maybe he didn't want anything unexpected happening, separating you two, even potentially putting you in danger. He was being careful. Though that made you worry about the possibility of _him_ somehow getting left behind, something happening to _him_.

 

    Or maybe you needed to go first since you were the one who knew where you were going. If that was how it did indeed work. ...Or it could be both. You were suddenly a little paranoid now that infinite possibilities were in front of you. Better to be safe. Better to be careful. You can't under any circumstances risk losing him. Losing each other. It had better never fucking come to that. **_It had better_.**

 

    It was also interesting, that you were snapped out of your focus on the new world destination, distracted just for a couple seconds, because you thought you heard something like someone making a bird call.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOORRRRLLDS, BABY
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	67. Halloween Town and Talks

    Holy crap, it worked. You came out in the graveyard area near the town. Looked around. Shuddered. The place really _was_ creepy now that you were here. Actually here. It gave you a chill. Or maybe it was just a little cold. ...Both. Vanitas stood in front of you, also look-

 

    Everything shifted, disorienting. You let yourself fall to the ground to sit down quickly, so you didn't just fall right over. The dizzy spell passed fairly quick, and you looked up to look around. You noticed how tired you were suddenly. You squinted through bleary eyes at Vanitas. He hadn't even noticed you, being ahead of you and looking the other direction.

 

    Okay, maybe that was good. You could get up before he noticed, you would be fine, and you didn't want to worry him- shit, he's looking at you. Got the eyebrow scrunchies, 70% concern, 20% generic anger, 10% incredulous. ...Wow, those were specifics. Oh, when did he get to be right in front of you?

 

    "What's wrong with you? Is it the world travel?" He asked, in that polite unpolite Vanitas manner, looking down at you from where he stood.

 

    "Uh...I'm fine." You gathered yourself together as best you could. Stood up. Managed it. Which was great. "Just tired."

 

    And you were. You wanted nothing more than to stay sitting down longer until you felt better, but there was a literal world waiting to be shown to Vanitas. You didn't want to disappoint. You'd come such a long way to get here, and it shouldn't be put off a second longer. Vanitas gave you a suspicious look. Real suspicion like.

 

    "Sit down," he ordered. Plonked down on the ground himself.

 

    "Uh...what?" You didn't understand.

 

    But he was sitting, and oh god you just wanted to sit- you sat. ...Hey, you're sitting. Thank God. Actually, while you were here, you were just gonna... You were lying all the way down now. Oh yes. Much better. Fuck yes. You needed this. Rest.

 

    "...How'd you know?" You asked him quietly.

 

    "You look ter-" he cut himself off, and you weren't sure why he bothered. Was he trying to be nice? "...You look terrible." Oh, so he did decide to be honest. " **That**... _walking disaster_ said it might affect you. ...And it did."

 

    He offered nothing else, left it there, silent. No 'hey, sorry I dragged you through two different worlds in a row.' ...That wasn't true. Or fair. You wanted this as much as he did. Well, maybe not, but you wanted too because _he_ wanted it so badly. You were just cranky from the sudden tiredness.

 

    "What do you think? Of this place." You had to know, now that you were here. Went through the trouble it had apparently caused you. Hoped it was worth it.

 

    "...You said it was dark."

 

    "It _is_ dark," you looked at him, incredulous.

 

    "Not for me." He sounded half smug about it, half sad about it. He made a point to look at the bright moon.

 

    "Okay, well. There's _that_ ," you referred to the moon. "And it is bright, now that I look at it. ...But at least it's not sunlight?" Silver linings? "What do you think of the rest of the place?"

 

    You wanted to change the subject, keep it lighthearted after that trace of sadness in his voice. He looked back down from the moon, stared ahead passively. Shrugged noncommittally.

 

    "...There's a guillotine in town," you whispered seductively to him, like an excited psychopath. "I think you'll love it." You took a moment, shifting back to your normal manner of speaking. "Yeah, there's some pretty fucked up shit in this place. ...It's mostly props, because Halloween, but...ya know. Don't get _too_ close to them. I've seen some things."

 

    Indeed you had. You shuddered a bit at the memory of combo-ing into an enemy, accidentally straying into the path of the blade, _SHINK_. Sora gets guillotined in the face, flinch damage, massive chunk of HP gone. ...Not good times. But Halloween Town was generally nice. You know, it would be great to see the town in peace times, without a bunch of flaily-claw bandage maniacs coming after you.

 

    "...Like what?"

 

    Oh, he dared to go there. Okay. Honesty it was. This was normal now.

 

    "Uh...I may have once...morethanonce, seen a kid get smacked in the face by said guillotine. Not nice times. Granted, the heartless were controlling all that stuff with evil power or something. ...I _think_. ...Oh god, I hope that was the case. ...Look, don't go near the guillotine."

 

    If it was even still there. What if things had changed since-...well, this was dependent on you, actually. And Luxu said something about getting basic layouts of the place. So it was probably indeed still there.

 

**It was easy to forget, everything they had potentially seen. They mentioned heartless like it was a normal occurrence for them. He wanted to know more, heavily curious.**

 

    "How much _have_ you seen? You talk like you were actually there. Like you were on some sort of... _journey_."

 

    Oh. He had you.

 

    "Uh...I _kind of_ was? I mean, you know, like I said, I know a _lot_. _Seen_ a lot. At least in terms of...some of this place's narrative."

 

    It was weird. Must be weird for him, too.

 

    "...How?" He asked it quietly, but with conviction.

 

    Okay, you were getting into this. You had nothing to hide. Not anymore. Not ever again.

 

    "I kind of..." _Controlled_ a character sounded terrible. Like you wrested their autonomy from them against their will. Like certain _other_ assholes. "Was along for the ride? Like, was there, had certain influences...kind of...it's complicated..."

 

    You didn't look at him, afraid of how he would react to what you were about to tell him, because you couldn't stand the cop out answer you just gave. Felt like a lie by omission, because it was.

 

    "Okay, look, I'm gonna be brutally honest with you, I can't stand not telling you everything when you ask anymore. Never again. I never want that again. So look. I may have... _assumed_...the role...of certain people at certain points. I know that's _really_ weird from this perspective, but that's how video games work, how they tell their story, you know, you control- _play as_ a certain character in a game. That's how you... _play_. The game. And there's cutscenes where they're themselves and you just watch- they're _always_ themselves, it's just that you play as them in certain parts-"

 

    You were rambling, trying to make things make sense to him quickly in your panic of how bad it sounded, how he would react. But you weren't making sense at all to him, were you? Did he even know what 'cutscene' meant? You dared to look at him, fear of what you would find surging through your system. He looked...not particularly bothered. More of a skeptical look, more like he was staring at you hard because what you said sounded like gibberish to him and it pissed him off slightly.

 

    Oh god, you realized. At one point, _several_ , you had fought _him_. As Ven. As Aqua. As Sora. You couldn't possibly tell him that, that would be horrible-... But now that you realized it, _not_ telling him would be more lying. By omission. ...But did he really need to know? Jiminy, you were just cowarding out. And better you tell him yourself now than he figure it out on his own later from what you just told him. He would feel betrayed again, and you couldn't ever do that to him again.

 

    "Okay, first things first," you calmed yourself down, seeing that he wasn't currently outraged. At you.

 

    You tried to sit up, thinking a conversation this serious best had with both parties respectfully sitting next to each other. You managed. You were physically tired, but not, like, dying or something. And the adrenaline from talking about this type of thing with him helped. You were also a little shaky, but you couldn't tell if that was from the tired, the fear, the adrenaline, all of the above.

 

    "Do you...understand anything I just told you?"

 

    "No," he brutally shot back. "But it's scaring you. Why?"

 

    ...Gulp. Okay. Honesty. Best policy. He was fairly calm and receptive right now. Everything was fine. Everything was fine. Everything would _stay_ fine.

 

    "It's just...I'm kind of used to things going wrong whenever I go in-depth to something new like this, to things you don't yet know. ...It scares me because I don't want to ever be at that point again. How much...? How much do you know about how video games work? I just assumed you knew or understood enough because of the way you reacted to finding out. ...We've never explicitly gone over the specific details."

 

    He thought.

 

    "I know what they are," he stated simply.

 

    "Okay, but... _how much_ do you know? Like, what's the most complex video game you've seen? I know they have that Game and Watch-esque promotion going on in Twilight Town, but that-..." He didn't know what Game and Watch was! ...Frick it, he could surely tell from the context. "That's the most basic and simplest video game you can get. Well, I mean, it's not _Pong_ , but..." Didn't know what Pong was either! Stop telling him references he didn't understand!

 

    "Ah, frick. Look, what I'm asking is, what's _the most_...eh... _impressive_ looking video game you've ever seen? One that made you go, 'Wow, look at those graphics!' At least, in comparison to...what they have at Twilight Town, the black and white really simple looking stuff."

 

    Not that there was anything wrong with the simple looking stuff, you just needed to know if he had ever seen the kind of game that had you playing in real time, 3D, advanced story telling, that kind of stuff. Like Kingdom Hearts. What you were trying to explain. He narrowed his eyes at you, like it was a bother to go through this, like you insulted him somehow. You couldn't blame him, you were terrible at explaining this stuff.

 

    "I promise it's relevant to understanding what I'm trying to say. In a long winded fashion. I _know_ ," he still looked displeased, "but we're getting there."

 

    He huffed out a sigh. It sounded unhappy, but not pissed off. He thought again.

 

    "I remember seeing something...in Deep Space." He huffed out a semi-sincere laugh at the memory. "It was amusing, seeing the crew get yelled at for playing a game when they were supposed to be working. They were terrible at their jobs. But I remember...I saw some of them. The 'games' they were playing. They were far more advanced than what they have at Twilight Town now."

 

    SCORE. OKAY. YOU COULD WORK WITH THAT.

 

    "AWESOME," you enthused at him. "Now I know you're going to understand what I'm about to say much better. At least, if... In these games, do you remember how...do you remember there being characters on screen, and how the player would control those characters, make them move around, do stuff?"

 

    Come on, come on, come on, you were so close... He took an extra second to reminisce, like he was making sure. He nodded. YYYEEUUAASS. VICTORY IN KNOWLEDGE.

 

    "YES. THANK GOD. YOU KNOW. THEN. WHAT I'M SAYING." Okay, calm down, small victories, but you weren't there _yet_. "It's like that! Just like that! Except sometimes in the game I played, with all of you, it would break from gameplay to show scenes that you just watched. They told the story. But I got to help the characters fight and run around sometimes. By assuming their role in the story. By playing as their character. Does that make sense?"

 

    He looked to be in full, serious information absorbing mode now. Taking it all into his smart brain with rapt attention. You gave him a moment to process.

 

    "Did you ever...' _control_ '... _me?_ "

 

    He looked like he was desperate to suck up whatever he could find out about this. And you would provide.

 

    "No. I didn't. I um...mostly...I played as Sora a lot. ... _God_ , that's weird to say now. With everything-... Anyway, um...there's something you need to know, because it's gonna sound weird, and I don't want to keep it from you now that we're on the topic. ...Okay, please don't kill me, but... I may have, um..." His stare was the fierce unflinching glare of a falcon. You looked away, just to be able to say it.

 

    "I kind of, maybe, fought you a few times. As Ven." _gulp_ "A-aqua. ...Sssssora." You rushed it out as best you could. "Not because I _wanted_ to fight you, though, and I mean, your fights were epic, don't get me wrong, it's-... It was just, the story, way it progressed, I don't have any control over, and those were the, uuhh... _people_ I was assigned to help out at that point...those points... Oh god, please don't hurt me, I know how weird and fucked up it sounds."

 

    You covered your face and neck with your arms protectively, curling in on yourself. You weren't sure why, did you really think he was going to hurt you? You were just scared and it was instinct. ...And you were worried because of the way past events went down. It was quiet. _Too_ quite. It freaked you out.

 

    "Uh...I know...looking back now, with how things are, it's fucking weird to think about. But. Back then, I had no idea things were going to progress this way. And I mean, I guess they wouldn't, have, if-" You stopped talking, not wanting to dig yourself a further grave, and too freaked out to anyway.

 

    You were a shaky mess, hiding behind your arms for a while.

 

    "A hAH HAh HA HA HAH"

 

    _That_ got your attention instantly, arms snapping down, head snapping around to look at him. He cackled like a maniac. He seemed... _actually_ amused though? Like an actual laugh, just...as maniac cackle. You stared in befuddlement and wonder. _What_ was going on??

 

    "YoU," he wheezed out, before going right back to cackle.

 

    ??? You stared, a sitting question mark.

 

    " ** _YOUuu_** **fought me, HAh HAh HA HAH HA HA.** "

 

    He actually _fell over_ , holding his side with one hand, the other covering half his face. It was like he was having an overload from or _in_ insane laughter. You swallowed thickly, concerned for his state of being. After all this... _look what it did to him_. You opened your mouth to apologize, but realized that was pointless and not going to help jack shit.

 

    He was finally starting to calm down when you started to huff out tense air balls of awkward nervous laughter along with him, caught up in the insanity, because it was a little intense and scary. You stopped almost as soon as you started, realizing you were doing it. Probably some subconscious sort of empathy mirroring thing.

 

    You watched him tensely. Both his arms dropped like lead to his sides, uncared for, as he lied straight. His face got out of 'over-smile-funk,' and into more blank, numb looking mode.

 

    " _You_ fought me," he repeated, almost flat.

 

    You gulped again. Hoooohh, boy. How did you deal with this...?

 

    "S-...sorry?"

 

    You ended up apologizing anyway. He turned his head to look at you, and he would have looked almost serenely calm if not for the current situation.

 

    " _You_ fought me," he stated, with more confirmed conviction.

 

    You were thinking of what to say, when he bolted back up to sitting abruptly. You shrieked and fell over away from him, the result of being so tense and startled so greatly. You heard a 'phfff' of air from him, laughter at you. You sat back upright quickly. Stared at him, face set in a flustered frown, but also very concerned over everything.

 

    He looked to be back in a normal state, almost on the happier side for him. Like something was gotten off his chest. Serene. Calm. ...What the fuck?? Just happened?? He stood abruptly too, making you flinch. Unexpected fast movement. _Boy_ , you really were tense over all that if you were flinching and _falling the fuck over_ at everything he did.

 

    "I need to see this 'guillotine' you keep going on about." He looked down at you, offering his hand. "You ready?" He smiled at you, and it had a sinister edge to it, but it was strangely sincere.

 

    You ended up staring at his outstretched hand, the one he was _offering_ , to _you_ , in much the same way you stared at it the last time he offered it to you this way. It still felt surreal, unreal, that something so great was happening. Happening to you right now. _Look_ at that hand, _hot damn_ \- you glanced up to his face. His beautiful, **impatient** , face. Slowly put your hand in his. Magical. A magical moment was happening- _YANK_.

 

    "GHUK," you grunted in surprise at the sudden movement.

 

    Okay, that happened again as well. All part of the magic. ...Or part of what _killed_ the magic, you weren't sure yet. Vanitas let your hand go, started walking toward the entrance to town. You followed behind, still a little meekly after everything. He started talking as he walked.

 

    "You said you saw someone get smacked in the face by guillotine. ...And that you often _helped_ with occasions like that. That you...often, ' _played_ ' as Sora." He stopped and turned to you. "Was it your fault that Sora got hit by the guillotine?"

 

    ...!

 

    "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I SWEAR!"

 

    He started cackling again, like the idea amused him to _no end_. He resumed walking into town, still cackle, cackle, oh yeah, it's so funny. You crossed your arms and pouted fiercely, in a showy display of your disgruntlement. But you relaxed after a moment. Actually smiled at his back. Because everything worked out. He even seemed to be getting a kick out of it.

 

    You followed him into town.

 

 


	68. He's Jealous

    ...Wat? P-pa-phfha-... People?! In Town?! Walking around, going about their business as usual?! Granted, you only spotted two, mangy looking wolf dude and scary-as-fuck clown, but there they were, walking to...who knows where. You were used to the place being dead-ass deserted, so this was... _different_. Clown guy caught you staring and offered a smile while on his wa- TOO MANY TEETH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT-

 

    You jumped and whimpered involuntarily in horror, shoving your face into Vanitas' shoulder to hide. He stopped walking at the action, which was great, because that let you do it.

 

**He stopped, wondering what made them react in such a way. He glanced around, spotting behind them a...something that didn't look right, looking this way as well. He flexed his fingers, ready to summon Void Gear if need be, but the thing looked away and kept going. ...Was this what they meant, when they said the place was 'creepy'?**

 

    You shook yourself out, having found respite in Vani's shoulder.

 

    " _Ahem_. ...Sorry."

 

    You were too embarrassed to look him in the face, deciding to just walk onward like nothing happened. That kind of thing was just a 'how d'ya do' greeting around here, so you needed to get used to it. You knew they didn't mean harm, their whole entire shtick was to scare each other for fun. ...Still. Maybe you didn't want to stick around _too_ long, you didn't want more imagery like that stuck in your head.

 

    _In any case_ , you spotted what you were here for. Ran over to it (but not _too_ close), waving Vani over with an 'oo oo oo' of excitement over having found it.

 

    " _This is the son of a bitch_ ," you presented.

 

    Vanitas walked up to it, observing it in a vaguely interested but also unimpressed way. Tapped the side of it with Void Gear. It didn't react. You were actually relieved, letting out a breath. Now that you looked at it, the edge of the blade looked dulled down, but not enough that you would consider it safe by any stretch of the imagination. This shit could still hurt people. Unless...it wasn't supposed to _be_ operational at all.

 

    You saw Vanitas raising an eyebrow at you in response to the thing, like a question, maybe how unimpressed he was, or was trying to appear, so why were you so stoked over it?. Anyway, you wanted to see something for yourself. You went to the lever at the side, grabbed it, giving Vani a look to signal that you were gonna let 'er rip. You pulled. ...Or, _tried_ to. The thing was so stuck in place you thought maybe it was just a prop too. The thing didn't actually seem to work, thank God-

 

    You screamed in shock as the blade plummeted down out of nowhere. Attention fully on it, you realized something. It didn't go all the way down. And seemed to have much less force than you remembered. ...Okay, so maybe the heartless made it _worse_ , or they put safeties in after. Still didn't change the fact that it _could_ still hurt people somehow.

 

    You didn't like it. Frowned at it heavily in disapproval. Turned your frown to Vani.

 

    "I don't like it," you informed him.

 

    "I noticed," he snarked back. Tapped Void Gear against it again, harder this time. "Doesn't seem _that_ sturdy."

 

    You immediately knew where he was going.

 

    "Oh, no!" You reprimanded him sharply. "No property damage!" He scoffed. "If we're going to complain, we're going to do it through the right channels! File a safety complaint."

 

    He looked at you like what you just said was so soul-suckingly boring that he wanted to die.

 

    "...Or...ya know...just go do something else. Since it doesn't seem to bother the locals. They probably love it."

 

    He seemed visibly relieved, taking his keyblade off of where he was still holding it against the thing. Then thwacked it again one more time for good measure before walking away. The blade didn't even flinch. Suspiciously. You narrowed your eyes at it before going to catch up with him.

 

    "You're the one who's so enamored with this place. Why don't you show me what it actually has to offer?"

 

    His last few words started to get drowned out for you by another voice. One that had your attention right away.

 

    "I know that we have scary lanterns, but I'm telling you, we can make them even scarier!"

 

    Oh my god. You stopped, letting the beautiful voice carry over you.

 

    "That's brilliant, Jack! You're always so good at this!" The mayor's loud, defining tone followed after it.

 

    They came into view around a corner, walking along, talking.

 

    "I was thinking, instead of _just_ jagged teeth, we can make them have _two_ sets, of even _jaggier_ teeth! ...But it's still not enough. There's something I'm missing."

 

    Jack started to pace back and forth in thought. The mayor responded to him with some generic encouragement, but their conversation was turning to background noise to you.

 

    There he was.

 

    Jack _fucking_ Skellington. Pumpkin King. _The_ Pumpkin King, ruler of all things Halloween. You stared at his horrifyingly gorgeous self in awe, a dopey smile of admiration gracing your face. Vanitas came into the corner of your vision, and you started lightly smacking his shoulder in nonsensical excitement, as if that would somehow convey to him who you were looking at and why. He was probably giving you a look like you were insane, trying to figure out what the fuck you were doing, but you were too busy focused on Jack to check in with him.

 

    Holy fuck, he's actually _right there_ \- Vani grabbed your hand to stop its motions.

 

    "What are you doing?"

 

    You could even _hear_ some of his befuddlement. You ripped your eyes from Jack to Vanitas.

 

    "That's _Jack_ fucking _Skellington_ ," you whisper-informed him, ecstatic.

 

    You giddy-giggled, hopping in place. He stared at you like you had lost your mind, but he also looked weirdly concerned.

 

    "Oh!" You were struck with genius. "We should go say hello!"

 

    Just in time too, because Jack and the mayor were walking away now. You went to say hi before your nerves could stop you, taking Vani's hand in yours to bring him along, but he didn't budge. Yanked back to your original position by his non-budging-ness, you looked at him in question, like it was a no-brainer to go talk to them, what was he doing? You also didn't want to wait until you realized how nervous you were about it and copped out.

 

    There was a strange look on his face. One you couldn't quite place, not _there_ enough for it to concern you when you were in such a rush. You looked back to Jack, who got further away by the second.

 

    "Okay, you're not social, I get it." You understood now, or you thought you did. "Sorry, didn't mean to-..." There Jack goes, out of your life potentially forever. "You know." You let go of Vani's hand, backing up to leave. "I'll just go by myse-"

 

    A familiar grip on your wrist stopped you as you turned around. You turned back, confused.

 

    ...

 

    His face seemed deceptively passive, _too_ much, and you got an unpleasant tingle in your system. Be it the connection, be it something all its own, you got the direct sense that something was _wrong_ , in the scary way, and your blood felt colder.

 

**He didn't mean to stop them, his body acting on its own. He had a weird feeling, something snaking its way through his system that he wasn't entirely familiar with. It didn't feel _nice_. And it started when they looked at that stranger the way he thought they only looked at him. What was that? Why did they do that? What wasn't he understanding?**

 

    You started to get a nervous tremble, heart racing, breathing picking up. What was going on? What was happening? Why were you...?

 

    _Afraid_.

 

    Of what? Of _him_ _?_ _Again?_ _Why?_ He wasn't even doing anything. What was wrong here, what was making you feel this sense of dread like something was wrong-

 

    "Who...is he?"

 

    You were asked a question, straight and simple, but the flatness of the way it was delivered raised the hair on you more than it already was.

 

    It _was_ him.

 

    That was freaking you out. ...For some reason.

 

    "Um," your voice broke, higher than it should be.

 

    You stared at him, openly afraid, subconsciously leaning back to try to get away from his grip, hoping he got the message.

 

    That you were scared.

 

    That he should let go.

 

    He blinked, confusion coming over his face, and the fingers curled around your wrist clicked open roughly, like he had to force them. You ripped your arm back toward yourself, backing up a few steps. You felt safer just from that, the distance, his willingness to let you go. But things still weren't okay.

 

    "What the fuck?!" You managed to shrill out at him.

 

    He still looked confused, now it was in a pissed off way as he stared a hole through the hand that had grabbed you.

 

    "I don't-" he started, looking at you like he was trying to explain something he didn't understand either, and just with a general air of being pissed off over something. "I didn't-...I didn't mean to...stop you. I don't understand what-... Who is he?"

 

    He ended up repeating the same question he started with.

 

    "I already told you, Jack _fucking_ Skellington." You sighed out your frustration, trying not to be mad at him as a defensive reaction to him freaking you out. Though it _did_ still feel justified at the moment. "That's-...he's..." You sighed again. "He's kind of someone I think is cool who I was on my adventure with at some points. I just really enjoyed having him in my party, er...on my team, so I thought it would be nice to say hi. ...He's also the literal king of Halloween, so, ya know, that's impressive."

 

    You tried to think, why did it seem so important to him that he insisted on asking?

 

    "You're...' ** _friends_** '...with him. Is that...? It?"

 

    He was pausing between words, which meant he must be sorting through a lot. You thought of trying to use the connection for insight, but it felt like invading his privacy, and maybe you were afraid of what you would find, for some nonsense reason no other than that you were still just generally shaken.

 

**_Of course,_ they were the type to be friends with everyone. They probably had more friends than he could count. It was just the way they looked so happy to _see_ that Jack person. The way they got a sparkle in their eye. The way they usually looked at _him_. It made him question if he was really that special to them if they looked that way at everyone.  
**

 

**Stupid, insecure feelings that he was rapidly starting to resent. But he just wanted to keep /Name/ to himself. They were all he had. It was selfish feelings, that he wanted to just have them for himself forever, but that was nothing new. He wanted what he wanted. And he took.**

 

**...But he couldn't take _that_. They would resent him. He knew it. And he...he was starting to resent that he _cared_. That they were making him have... _morals_. He hated feeling like he _had to do the right thing_ by them. It was deplorable, the freedom it took from him. The ability to do whatever he wanted.**

 

**...But he couldn't help it. He cared about them more than himself at this point. He cared about not losing them, because he wouldn't be able to stand that. He liked them too much.**

 

**...**

 

**Heh. It was funny.**

 

**That they were worth it.**

 

    You remembered that he had _asked_ that, and got around to finally answering, coming out of your thoughts.

 

    "Yeah. Something like that. Though he wouldn't recognize me like _this_ ," you referred to yourself.

 

    Looking down at yourself now, you realized how much you stood out here. You looked plain-ass, normal-ass-normal in a world where most residents looked anything but. ...Well, it was normal for them. _You_ were the one who stood out here. ...Were you? You wondered if it _was_ strange, if you stuck out _that_ much. At least Vanitas had his suit, black and red, and the killer gleam in his eye. Speaking of Vanitas, you had questions...important ones.

 

    "Why...what is it about Jack that freaked you out so much?"

 

    That he would keep you from following him to the point that it was scary. Which meant that _he_ must have been scared by something. But what-...

 

    ...Vanitas could sense darkness. Nuhooooo, there was no waaaay. ...No wAAAAy. Jack was a good guy. He scared people, but that was his job. He would never _harm_ someone. Certainly not intentionally. ......Right? What on earth could have happened after KH2 that he would- no, no, no, he _wouldn't_. Period. ...Righ- MAYOR. THE MAYOR WAS WITH HIM- but he seemed harmless too... Still more likely than-

 

    "I... It's nothing, forget it."

 

    ...What? Over something like _that_ _?_ You weren't just letting this go.

 

    "...Um? But it seemed like it really bothered you, to the point that you freaked _me_ out, so-"

 

    " **Forget it.** "

 

    ...He did not leave room for argument. That just concerned you more. You wanted to let it go, you trusted him not to keep anything important from you, and he didn't want to talk about it...but...

 

    "I'm...worried. You don't have to talk about it, I just...you seemed so...there was _something_ -"

 

    "And now it's gone. So forget it."

 

    He spoke calmly, like he was purposefully trying to convey how 'fine' he and everything was. But there was still a determination there that he _was not_ going to talk about it. ...You sighed. ...Okay. You would let it go. ... _For now_. At some point down the road, you would generically ask him if everything was okay, if anything was wrong, let him know he can talk to you about anything. You know, just in general. Because you cared about him. What? No, no reason. Just saying. Because...

 

    "I love you. ...Sorry, I know that was out of nowhere, I just felt like I hadn't said it in a while."

 

    It certainly got his attention. His eyes and head snapped to you from where they had wondered away at the end of conversation, but _now_... Oh. Oh, you didn't think-...you would get _that_ kind of response. He looked like he wanted to _devour the fuck out of you_. Or put it _into_ you. Gah, brain, please-

 

    "We're returning."

 

    Dark portal was already open.

 

    "Wh-what? Already? But I haven't even shown-"

 

    "Before I get **impatient** ," he was practically already half through the portal, and his emphasis implied... _things_. Just _things_.

 

    So, in some confusion about how quickly everything had shifted, you went with him through.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is coming.


	69. Love is Feeling, Love is Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I present to you.
> 
> Smut.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> (then not smut)

    You came out into the main foyer at the mansion.

 

    "Hey, what-" you turned to him to ask what was up with the sudden shift, but you didn't get the chance.

 

    You 'mmf'ed in surprise into his mouth, being backed up into a wall. His tongue was already overeager to press into all the places that made your toes curl. You rammed into the wall, and it would have hurt if he didn't have a hand holding the back of your head, an arm snaked around your back to dip down into your ass. You made noises more confused at the suddenness than anything.

 

    And then you really had the time to focus on the fact that his tongue was rubbing around under yours, in the soft, sensitive areas- you keened, starting to writhe into the hand that was massaging an ass cheek. You shoved yourself into him and wrapped around him as much as you could. You only got to kiss back for a long moment before he pulled away from you. Your instinct was to follow him, grab his lips with yours, get the connection back, and you started, but you ultimately let him go.

 

    ...Insofar as that your nose was pressed to his and your lips right next to each other.

 

    "Tell me something," he started, voice low and a little rough, breath blowing over your face. You stared into his bright yellow eyes, rapt. "What made you look at me like that? When I was covered in... _glitter_ ," like he still very much despised the stuff.

 

    UuUh? You were taken off guard, a question about that time out of nowhere, when your brain was already... _Well_. But, you tried to think.

 

    "Um," you appreciated that you were practically talking against each other. "I...kind of...I don't know, something about you and glitter just did it for me. Awakened some kink I wasn't even fully aware I had. I guess. Why do you ask?"

 

    Now? Out of nowhere?

 

    "...I still think about it sometimes. Wonder what caused it."

 

    "Oh..."

 

    You were barely fit to keep up with conversation, more focused on how close the two of you were. He closed his eyes, tightened them like he was struggling with something.

 

    "Do you..." He hesitated, grumbling a bit. "Have any more?"

 

    Your eyes lit up like wildfire when you realized what he said.

 

    "What?" You whispered to confirm, vibrating in place, trying to hold it together.

 

    He pulled back to look at you more thoroughly.

 

    "There it is again..." He mused.

 

    " _I!_ " You were SO excited. "...Don't. Have any."

 

    You wanted to cry at the realization, and it must have shown in the way your face crumpled into sadness, because he stepped away, asking,

 

    "Where do I get some?"

 

    You inhaled so sharply in joy that it made you cough. After you recovered, thinking about him being _glittered_ the whole time, there was a problem.

 

    "Wait," you started, needing to be honest. "If you're covered in glitter...I'm going to want to lick it off," you said straight, bold for your standards, but you were _worked up_ in a whole other way right now.

 

    It reminded you of the feeling you had when you wanted to _have_ him, and you _did._ He looked impressed at your blatant honesty, lustful like he wanted you to _act_ on it.

 

    "You're going to need to buy edible," you informed him. "As in, go to a baking or cooking shop and find sparkles that have a list of ingredients on them. That good?"

 

    He was already going, gone.

 

_**He desperately searched for glitter as fast as he could.** _

 

    You waited like a pent up, angry nest of bees. Paced, hot, practically salivating. Movement caught your eye. You locked on to it like a hungry killer hawk.

 

    Poor Sam snuck out of Vani's door, very 'don't mind me' body language. They trotted over to the stairs, intent and keen on getting elsewhere, knowing what was probably about to happen in Vani's room. Oh. Poor baby. That's right, they stayed behind when you two went on your adventure. Maybe they knew the two of you needed quality time, maybe they wanted some time to themselves, maybe they just wanted to sleep some more or something.

 

    So now they were here, all the role of the awkward roommate who has to leave the room when makeouts start happening. ...You felt bad for them.

 

    "Uh. Thanks, Sam. ...Sorry," you offered lamely, wanting to somehow make it up to them.

 

    They 'marp'yipped, in a 'don't mention it' fashion, 'no, really, don't,' half up the stairs and to your open bedroom door. You settled down, sitting against the wall to wait. ...Were you ever going to finish putting Pile-O'-Stuff away? ...Nah. ...You realized that Vani was probably _stealing_ the glitter right now, instead of buying it, and sighed. Where would he have gotten munny anyway? And it was just some glitter... Gosh dang, look what was happening to your morals. ...Maybe you should give him some spare of your munny, for events like this. Then he could at least _try_ to buy something. ...After you _fucked him to death, with sparkles-_

 

    _Inhaaaale._ ...Easy, now. ...Fuck, your body was wound up to be a fucking machine, where was he, give you his _dick_ \- _GAAAASSSP_.

 

    Glitter.

 

    Dick.

 

    Hot, sparkly cock. Safely edible and everything. You salivated, dying in need for him. _Fuck_ , it's been a hot minute sense you were this worked up- OH MY GOD, DARK PORTAL, PLEASE-

 

    Out he stepped, something in his hand, the promised salvation of light refraction. _Edible_. You were going to _eat right off of his cock_ \- _come 'ere_ \- You snatched the bottle from him before he could even offer it to you, checking the label. _Bingo_. Oh, red. Nice. You grabbed him, slamming his lips to yours, desperate to devour him. You need him, needed contact with him.

 

    But. You pushed away from inside his firm hold on you too soon, so you could drag him to his room. Just out of respect for Sam. You needed to keep this private. He didn't resist for once, on board with whatever you wanted to do to him ( _so fucking hot_ ).

 

    _Finally_ alone with the door closed, one lamp still on from earlier, sight not even impaired, pupils blown out in the need to see _him_ , you ripped off the bottle lid with the raw force of someone who needed to _get to fucking_. _Now_.

 

    "Fuckin' dump some on," you handed it over to him, a little course in your language from how pent up you were. "And get some on your cock, I'm gonna suck that shit right up."

 

    Not the _sexiest_ way you could have phrased it, but you didn't have time to come up with something better. He seemed a smidge surprised at your ferocity, then his face shifted into the same dark, desperate need that you had. He lifted the bottle over his head, let it droop, _shiffffff_ , it poured out over him in a small glistening sparklefall.

 

    **UUNNFF** **.** You felt a little bad that he grimaced a bit at it, but oh, you were going to _make it up to him_ \- breath. Swallow. Ready to go. You sucked up the imagery of his now _literally_ sparkly hair and body like a man dying of thirst. The exact way the sparkles spread out, down and off the grooves of his hair, the way they got all up in there ( _ **you** wanted to be all up in there_), the way they fell off onto his shoulders, the rest of him, _the way the red and light refraction went so well with his suit and looked so damn good, WHY THE FUCK ISN'T HIS DICK OUT YET-_

 

    His breathing was ragged, like he could sense exactly what you wanted to do to him. Oh yeah. Maybe he could. If not from your expression alone. You fuckin' _blasted_ your need for him right the fuck at him, and he actually _grunted_ , stumbling on the spot a bit. _Oh yeah. He could feel it_ \- theerrees that- oh my god, there it is-

 

    You fervently and rapidly _guided_ him to the ground, trying not to just outright shove him the fuck over in your desperation. He's lying back that's all that matters- wetting your lips, you sucked him as far into your mouth as you could get him, straight out the gate. He groaned loudly, apparently unable to help himself. _Ooooh, yes, make that sound for you_.

 

    You pulled back off of him, to lick him up and get him wet, because you were going to _. Absolutely. Mouth fuck him. So hard._ You wanted to make him cum harder than he ever had before, to the point that you hoped your gag reflex somehow peaced the fuck out for a while, because you wanted to give it to him _all the way_. Probably physically impossible, but you were going to do your damned best. Make it work with what you had. Do what you could.

 

    One hand wrapped around his base, the other firmly fitting itself against his balls, wanting to give him as much contact as possible. You placed your slightly parted lips on the tip of his cock, almost a kiss. He was panting like a hot son of a bitch, fuck yes. You slowly took him in, as far as you could, throwing caution to the wind. Moaned at the feeling of him filling up your hot, desperately needy mouth, letting _him_ feel it on his cock. You gave his ballsack a nice little massage to boot, and got- _ooh. Fuck_. That was a full on unrestrained moan cut off by a gasp.

 

    You literally _salivated_ over him, everything staying nice and wet and warm. Just the way you wanted it. You pulled off slowly, all the way, licking the end. Went back over him, making sure everything glided smoothly around your lips. Good. All checks are lock. _Time to fuck_. With no warning, you started moving up and down on him with reckless abandon, knowledge firmly in your brain that you were full on mouth fucking him right now. You kept your lips firmly wrapped around, curled your tongue around the bottom part of him as much as you could, adding a little bit of suction that you could manage sometimes.

 

    You were fully focused on your task, but any noise he made didn't go by you unnoticed. Every gasp, every pant, every groan, and _especially_ the little unrestrained noises that would slip out sometimes. The kinds that were on the embarrassing side of 'oh god, vocal box, you're giving away how affected I am.' That shit aroused the _fuck_ out of you. _Literally. You were fucking him. With your mouth_.

 

    He started moving up into you, jerky, fucky motions, the kinds probably out of his control, and you had to stop momentarily, because he did end up gagging you. You'd been too into it with reckless abandon to be careful enough to avoid it. You recovered quickly in your desperation for him, sucking in a big, clearing, rejuvenating breath, going right back to work before he could even get to grips enough on himself to say or do anything about the interruption. You didn't know if he would've apologized for it, you knew he didn't mean it do it, probably would feel bad about it, but you didn't have time or care to hear such things right now.

 

    All that mattered was _making this glorious bastard fucking cum_. You were more careful going back in, and Vani seemed to be trying to control his motions more, but you _wanted_ him to fuck your mouth now. You were prepared for it. So you weren't having it, him holding himself back. You grabbed his hips with both hands, trying to show and encourage him to _move_ , by trying to move him yourself.

 

    He got the message, and had no issue with starting to move on his own. You were both slow and careful at first, at least, as much as you _could_ be in the worked up state you were both in. Which led to a faster pace quickly, finding rhythm with each other out of the necessity of desperation to have and do _more, now_. It wasn't long after that you heard a particularly intense groan from him, peaking and cutting off, strands of himself shooting off into your mouth, his movements completely uncontrolled now.

 

    You wanted all of it in you, so you carefully positioned your mouth around the end of him, letting him shove into you however he would, stroking the rest of his cock with your hands now, making sure everything finished off properly. You carefully swallowed when you needed. A few chaotic motions, jerks, quickly tapering off. He was done.

 

    It was finished. Ah. You'd consumed his semen again. How _fucking raunchy_. You set everything back into place, only now feeling a soreness in your jaw and body, too into it to notice or care to notice before. You moved back and away just enough to lie down. ...Shit. You rubbed at sore spots. You didn't realize just how much you used your full body to fully go at it with him.

 

    You rolled your head to the side, so you could see his glittering, spent body. ...He was so beautiful. Your heart swelled in love. His own head was turned to the side, away from you, but you could see the rise and fall of his chest as he finished catching his breath. You observed the way his hair smushed into the floor, the way the rest of it stuck out. He had kept the rest of the suit on the whole time. You didn't mind. ...His body looked relaxed.

 

    You couldn't see his face, and you wanted to, now and just in general. Because you were so in love with him, and he was gorgeous. Objectively, but _especially_ to you. You wanted to see him because it confirmed to your brain that he was really there, and that comforted and brought peace to you in a way unlike any other. Just being with him.

 

    You sat up, peeking over to his face. ...

 

    _Ghhhh **k** c **kk**_. He was too precious, looked so peaceful, _HERNGHUH_. You tried to contain yourself. You actually managed, because you didn't want to disturb his peace. You breathed in and out through your nose, a large breath, centering. Idly traced some of the sparkles on him with your eyes, bobbed your head this way and that to see different ways the light reflected off of them.

 

    ...Ah. Shit. You completely forgot. That shit did it for you so much that you didn't even get to... You looked around for the bottle, found it strewn on the floor, forgotten. There was a little left inside. You could make do if needed. Pour the remains over his hot cock at some point down the line. ...You thought about it, the fact that the last time you did this, you were far more bothered at this point. You still felt _hot_ all over, your underwear was practically ruined from your arousal, but there wasn't an unbearable raging fire. You felt satisfied with what you had done. Mission well accomplished.

 

    _Inhale_. You know...mission...way his voice...he jerked into your mouth... You panted through your nose. _Dammit why did you think about it_. You mean, it's not like you could _help_ it, it just happened-... F-fuck. He'd fucked your mouth, but now you desperately wanted him in _another_ hole, fucking _it_. _FUCK YOU, PLEASE._

 

    CALM DOWN. Look how peaceful he is- cracking one eye open to look at you. ...oh. You stiffened, trying not to give yourself away, but it was surely written all over your face.

 

    "You really can't help yourself."

 

    He laughed, two small, short 'ha's, amused. You opened your mouth to defend yourself, an automatic response. Closed it, because you had no defense, didn't want one. Wondered if he was down to fuck. If it was rude to ask so soon after... He rose, sitting straight up without any problems, because he was just that fit. Observed you. Showed no outward signs of anything in particular, just watching you passively in a satisfied way (at least he seemed happy with... _ahem_. It made you feel good).

 

    Which was why it was so startling when he leapt at you out of nowhere. You shrieked and fell over backwards, now firmly lying down against the carpet. He was already hovering over you when you opened your eyes only a second later. You stared at him, wide-eyed and open after being taken off guard like that. He watched you, heat in his gaze.

 

    Shoved a hand into your pants to press against you through your underwear. You yelped at the sudden contact, lifting up to press yourself against him more thoroughly. You were already _fully_ ready to go, something painfully obvious to him as he started to rub you through the fabric. You gasped for breath, letting out a very needy and satisfied sound- fRiCtIoN, HoLy fUuCK- You cooed and moaned at him, the feeling of your own underwear's fabric being pressed into you and moved around stroking and fulfilling a _need_ that you had in a very big way right now.

 

    It was a little rough and unforgiving, fabric being used to rub against your most sensitive parts, but it didn't feel bad. The friction it caused only added to your pleasure, you were so incredibly turned on. And he was being gentle with it. Firm, slow movements. That made it very bearable.

 

    He pulled your pants down just enough to give him full access, and trap your legs together. You were a noisy mess that wanted nothing more than for him to continue.

 

    " _Look_ at you. The way I can see how much you need me through the fabric."

 

    He moved his hand back down to you to plant a firm upwards stroke over you, just pressing one finger into your flesh. The noise you made was embarrassingly high pitched, but fuck, you _needed_. You panted.

 

    "Please," you weren't afraid to ask for it.

 

    He 'mm'ed in acknowledgement, trailing fingers up your leg like he was preoccupied with it. He was completely in control, and he knew it.

 

    Which was _hot_.

 

    _But_. _Also_. ... _PLEASE._

 

    You whimpered, throwing out another 'please.' His attention was finally off your leg, back to what was the _important_ area right now. He laid his hand on your lower abdomen, nearby, but not _on_. He looked at your face. You felt like you were a pathetic mess, and that you looked it. He _smiled_ at you. The kind that was satisfied with your current condition. It made you want to smack him, and just turned you on more. _What the fuck. He has too much power._

 

    "Maybe I just want to see you like this. Watch for while. As you stain your own underwear because you can't stand me not touching you."

 

    PFFFFFF-

 

    HOW COULD HE SAY SUCH RAUNCHY THINGS-

 

    WITH A STRAIGHT FACE-

 

    SO-

 

    SO-

 

    GgUUUuUGH

 

    You went up in flames. Rip. Good run. Wait, you actually had to ask, how the fuck-

 

    "How...the fuck...do you say that shit?" Your voice shook through the whole question.

 

    "What? It's just the truth." FFFFFFFFFFFFF- "Why don't _you_ tell me? How much you want it. _M_ _e_."

 

    Oh lords, heaven up above, help you, you were about to spill your guts and soul to this man. You couldn't help it.

 

    "I-" Your voice came out too shrill, affected by everything as you were. You tried again. "I-" Better, but there was a problem.

 

    You still couldn't come up with the words. What the fuck did you say? How do you word that kind of shit?

 

    "I-" You tried again. Stopped. Were quiet for a moment. Went for the truth. "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORD THAT SHIT _._ Can you _please,_ _just_ -"

 

    You writhed. He wasn't holding your hands down or anything, you could go for it yourself, but you didn't want him stopping you. You could barely handle _this_ , there was no way you could take him holding you down right now too. Your fucking mind would break.

 

    "Speak from the heart," he murmured to you.

 

    ...It was weirdly serious and genuine, a quiet moment. His face looking fully truthful and calm.

 

    ... ...

 

    _GaAht_ , **_damn_** you, you couldn't help _anything_ if he talked to you like that. With that open, honest, _fuckin' sentimental shit_. Coming from _him_. So it _meant_ something. GUUUHHHHHH.

 

    ...You were hopeless. A goner.

 

    "Fine, you raunchy, sentimental bastard, _fuck_." You were working yourself up, because if you didn't, you wouldn't succeed. "I-I- I want you to fuckin' make me jizz myself because nothing feels better than when you touch me. Fuck me up. ...Please. Shit. Ass. Fuck. Balls. FUCK _._ LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME," you half raged at him, half genuinely, pathetically stated the honest truth.

 

    Look at you. Shit.

 

    ...He looked. _So happy._ In a giddy, yet somehow still sinister way that clashed with the former. You wondered what the fuck was about to happen to you. Not for long though, because he set to getting your pants all the way off. The underwear too. He flinged them, in a happily jaunty way, something that was weird to see from him. You weren't used to it, a little bewildered. But in a good way, because it was great to see him so happy.

 

    Happy that he was about to- oH YeAh, tHAt. He moseyed down to your bits, licking up them like he was just casually enjoying ice cream. You jolted. Then he'd had enough of moseying around, because he got to working you over with his mouth. Firmly, nothing rushed or frenzied, but nothing left out either.

 

    "fffFUCK," you cursed, and it was all open season from there.

 

    You writhed around, trying not to move too much, since his mouth was on a very specific area, but your hips did little jerks sometimes anyway, out of your control. You just wanted him so _fucking_ _badly_ , and he didn't seem to mind, not even bothering to hold you down. You didn't hold back with your voice, or with _anything_ , mind included, completely letting yourself go to him.

 

    _HoOoOoOh_ , that is his tongue making flicks- _ghhk_. _HOoH, god, don't shove it that far into- AHN_. You couldn't take how he was treating your most sensitive spots, the way he didn't hold back _getting up in there- fuck_ _\- it was too much- too good- you were gonna_ \- _uhck_

 

    Your voice caught, swept away with everything else, everything going away, just white hot pleasure left. He didn't stop, nothing stopped, and you were shoved all the way through a long orgasm.

 

    " _Aah!_ " You cried out, beaten, done, oversensitive now, shoving him away from you.

 

    You shuddered, turning on your side and curling, still in the aftermath, panting for breath, blood singing in rejoice. Everything felt good.

 

    ...

 

    You cooed, happy as could be. Cracked your eyes open. Vanitas came into focus, casually sitting next to you, watching. You blinked at him.

 

    " _Hi_ ," you broke out into giggles.

 

    Good lord, only he could do this to you. He tilted his head a little, like a curious dog. Small smile- no, yes, no- he was fighting it.

 

    "You cn fkin' smile," you slurred at him in honest drunken aftermath.

 

    Smiled at him to show it was okay. To smile. And you were just happy, so you ended up naturally smiling at him anyway. There was pain around his eyes for a second as he still fought it, quickly followed by him rapidly shoving his hand over his mouth. Comforted by it being hidden...he let go. You couldn't see it, but you could tell from the way his cheeks were raised near his eyes, in that way that only happened when someone was smiling genuinely, that he was smiling. Actually smiling.

 

    Oh, god, you wanted to cry, it was just such a joyous, triumphant moment.

 

    ...But then something felt wrong, and you noticed a small film of unshed tears in his eyes, and- You bolted upright, fretting over him, over the fact that something hurt and felt wrong and that it was coming from him.

 

    "It still hurts," he told you, not looking at you, voice in disbelief.

 

    It was followed up with self-deprecating laughter that sounded sad and like he was a half-broken man. It hurt. He hurt, and you hurt, over his hurt. You were on the edge of actually crying, trying to hold back for his sake, but why the fuck was this still happening, this was so fucked up, he didn't deserve this, _why_ -

 

**It still hurt.**

 

**Even though this time, it was a different kind of hurt. It was distinctly different. Because this time...**

 

**It was _grief_.**

 

**Grief over the fact that he was actually happy, and he had never had that before. Feeling it now, actually letting it go fully, letting it show, having the time to bask in it properly... It hurt that he never had it. Knowing what it was now.**

 

**All that time. Without _this._ How did he...? Oh yeah, he didn't. Everything always hurt. It was so _bizarre_ now, thinking back to all of that. The painful and massive contrast. It really did bring up the question, _how_ , _did he ever...?_**

 

**...Now he had it. Had found it. ...With them. They really were amazing. ...It was unusual that he gave out such open praise about them, but he felt like he wanted to tell them, tell them _something_ , about it, about _something_ -**

 

**"I-" he started, but he didn't know what to say.**

 

**He looked at them, only now seeing that they looked like they were barely holding themselves together.**

 

**...They cared too much... About him. And he wouldn't have it any other way. _Couldn't_ have it any other way. He couldn't lose this, them, that, _everything_. He just _found_ it. Found something, a life that didn't hurt.**

 

**/Name/ was done trying to hold themselves back, because they grabbed him and pressed him against them in a hold that very clearly didn't want to let him go. ...It didn't hurt.**

 

**...It occurred to him, for the first time, that he might feel for them what they felt for him. That thing. That thing they said, that he would go ecstatic over. What was it...?**

 

**_'Love'_...?**

 

**...**

 

**He-...**

 

**...**

 

**Did he-**

 

**...**

 

**He couldn't tell. Didn't know. He wasn't familiar with this. Didn't know enough about it. He knew enough about what it meant that it felt good to know that _they_ felt it about _him_.**

 

**He pondered briefly, the kind of reaction he would get if he said that to them.**

 

**Not that he could.**

 

**He didn't know enough.**

 

**...**

 

**...And he was afraid.**

 

**He hated to admit it, but something about the idea of saying it to them scared him. He almost considered saying it right now, anyway, just to spite the feeling, make it go away, because he hated it. Hated anything that made him afraid, because that made him feel weak. He didn't have to be afraid of _anything_. He was _strong_. There was nothing to fear for him.**

 

**...Except losing- no, he couldn't even think about that, wouldn't. It would just cause him unnecessary pain.**

 

**He couldn't say it to them though. Not just because of some stupid fear, he could overcome that. Easily. ...He _could_. But saying it now, when he wasn't even sure about it, was just starting to _start_ to understand whatever he felt for them... They would sense the dishonesty. That he wasn't _sure_ of it. And they would...**

 

**...**

 

**That was something else he wasn't going to think about.**

 

    You held on to him for dear life, like he was your lifeline. Fuck it, because he _was_. You just wanted to get the both of you through this. It was silent for a long while, while you both recovered. Slowly, but surely, everything evened out again. You pulled back enough to look at him, make eye contact. He looked okay...well, he certainly didn't look _happy_ , but it was a mild miserable, nothing in comparison to whatever he just went through. And you were _so_ relieved it was over, he was okay.

 

    You wanted to say it, speak from your heart.

 

    "I love you."

 

    The unfiltered truth.

 

    It certainly made him look at you more closely. He always honed in whenever you did, like he couldn't stand to miss it.

 

    "I-..." He started quietly, but trailed off, like he started talking without knowing where he was going.

 

    That was okay. For one thing, you should both get more comfortable. It was not comfortable on the floor holding such an extended hug pose for so long. You stood up slowly, careful of your aches, new ones, and ones still lingering from...ahem. You took his hand as you went, guiding him to stand with you.

 

    "The bed is way more comfortable," you explained.

 

    You both went over to it, but you separated from him nearby it to get your underwear. He stood by the bed, waiting. Actually, upon picking them up...yeeaah, maybe _not_. You got your pants, settling for that until you could get a change. ...But you wanted to be bare leg, honestly. You wanted to feel him when you cuddled him, because you _were_ going to cuddle him. ...Fuck the pants. Fuck it all. ...It would be weird if you undressed just to cuddle. ...Would it? ...He was probably wondering why you were staring at your pants.

 

    "Is it weird to naked cuddle?" You asked.

 

    It wasn't weird when both parties were into it. So you asked. Oh. That's the expression of someone who wants to _naked cuddle_. _With no issue._ He looked you over, like he could just strip you himself with his eyes- oh, he's coming over. This was a response of action, rather than words, was it? He simply removed everything else when he got to you, straight undressing you with no issue. You were all on board, letting him, moving yourself to allow him to do it.

 

    It was _weird_. Him just casually getting you undressed, with no... _afterward goals_ of a specific type. But not weird in a bad way, just unfamiliar. A new intimate experience with him that had nothing to do with _other_ types of intimacy. ...Okay, maybe a little bit, now that he was done and you looked at his face. His stare on your body wasn't long, easily shifting to your face, like both were equally interesting. ...Damn, your self-confidence just rocketed to sky high right now. He actually liked you. Which you knew. It just always felt really nice to see.

 

    _o_ _h_. He...was hugging you. Of his own volition. ...This was n _iiiiiiiiiice_. You would be purring if you were a cat. You would purr  _so_ , **_gaht_** _damn_ loud. Instead, you cooed softly at him, slowly moving your arms around him too, content. ... _So_ content. Holy _fuck._ Mmm, warmmm, mmm, his strong arms pressed into your back, into your skin... Mmmm. Suit grooves.

 

    Wait.

 

    "Hold on...how come only I get to be naked? Where's the love? You deserve some too." You pulled away, set on getting to the bed with him. "We should move over to the bed," as you took his hand, guiding him to exactly there. "And there we can max comfs snugs."

 

    You smiled at him, giddy, unable to help being excited over Big Cuddles, and being amused by your own word choices sometimes. Into the bed you went, sitting on top of the blanket, patting beside you to invite him. He sat down next to you. You lightly pushed him down into a comfortable lying position, and he let you.

 

    You slid. _Right up_ all up in there, curling around him, a little on top of him. Realized something.

 

    "Hey," you tapped the suit.

 

    You were starting to wonder if he didn't feel comfortable without it right now, were about to retract your desire for it being off, but there it went. It had been so long since you felt his skin like this. Felt raw, unfiltered, straight up skin to straight up skin contact. Felt _him_ him. His firmness, the way his body just  _existed_ , you drank it all in. ...At least it felt like a long time, since the last.

 

    "Hey, can I ask you something? Kind of...uh."

 

    You started up conversation, your brain going to recent... _things_. You were curious about.

 

    "Shoot."

 

    He sounded calm, peaceful almost. You went for it, building up the nerve.

 

    "How uh...was that uh......did I blowjob good?" What a dumb way of asking, but you were flustered and words were hard.

 

    His chest deflated, shooting out a rapid puff of air in his amusement at your question. You were embarrassed you even asked, but awaited his answer with baited breath none-the-less.

 

**They wanted praise. Were actually seeking it out from him. Which meant he should take advantage of the opportunity. How could he say this in a way that would make them go up in flame? He wanted to watch that.**

 

    His hand came over to your face, placing itself under your chin, guiding you up to look at him. His other arm wrapped around you from where it had just been lying dormant to accept your cuddles. You felt something coming, saw it in the evilly determined glint in his eyes, and his arm felt more like it was making sure you couldn't escape than anything else. You gulped, staring at him in a nervous manner that you were failing miserably to hide. Felt the way his hand was curled under your chin, hanging on, keeping you in place. Felt the other one curl firmly into your side, skin to skin.

 

    "You fucked me with your mouth so good I couldn't even see when I came. And then you swallowed it all up like the good /gender/ you are."

 

    Error.

 

    Combustion.

 

    Fire.

 

    Run away.

 

    Everyone's dying.

 

    Oh wait, that's just you.

 

    You wilted.

 

    ...

 

    Dying.

 

**It was exactly what he hoped for.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Uh...hope ya'll like sparkles...and feels...AUGH, FEELS, THESE TWO, AHH, MY HEART. THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER, DAMMIT. ALL THE FLOOF.  
> I just noticed that this is chapter 69, and it wasn't intentional, but a very happy coincidence of oral smut XD  
> Also someone please remind me if you remember what's in pile-o-stuff, I genuinely don't remember, other than it just being there 'XD Oops.  
> This turned out to be almost exactly as long as my longest chapter (might be longer if you go by word count, I don't remember, but it's right around there), HAPPY 69, EVE.RY.BODYYY!! *CONFETTI* (No really ya'll are so nice, I just, thank you)
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	70. Cats and Bats, Owls, Oh My. Dark Darkness. ...CERATOSAURUS.

    You slowly came back to yourself after you exploded. Your system overloaded and your brain overheated, it melted down...and blew up. Causing you to practically black out. Slowly, focus came back, and you were still right where you were, held in place by Vani. Probably so he could watch, the sick bastard (...you loved him). Honestly, it was impressive he was able to hold on to a living cellular ' _boom._ ' Held your head up enough for him to still see you when you went limp, a gravity vortex, body turned to lead. Without making it uncomfortable, even.

 

    Amazing. How incredible he is. And it was completely true, yet in this moment, it was a face fall into disgruntled moment. Purely because of the fact that he fully intended such a reaction, and he was intent on _watching_ said full reaction. He was still watching now, looking rather pleased and satisfied, content with himself. That being said, he did complement you, so... And it was _high_ praise, too.

 

    "Th-...thankyou," you grumbled out quickly.

 

    You tried to get your face out of his hand, to hide in your embarrassment that he watched your breakdown, face still slowly returning to normal color. He wasn't having any of it, reaffirming his grip on your jaw. Nothing painful, but quite enough to insist on you staying where you were.

 

    "What was that?"

 

    _Like he hadn't heard you_. You puffed, staring at him in clear displeasegruntlement.

 

    "Maybe I'll say it again if you let go."

 

    "Maybe I'll let go if you say it again."

 

    "Maybe I won't say it at all then."

 

    It was was weird, talking with your jaw against his hand, but not unpleasant.

 

    "Then maybe I won't let go."

 

    You stared at him, and he stared right back. You puffed air out your nose. Fine. If it was going to be this way... You closed your eyes, settling in, resting against his hand. ...What else could you talk about? Casually ask him in this position? ...You know, you _did_ wonder something...

 

    "Hey," you started, opening your eyes lazily, enough to look at him again. He seemed relaxed, still watching you. "How come...you keep your suit on during...'stuff,' a lot. Isn't it...I don't know, hard to feel through that?"

 

    He seemed intrigued by the question, finally looked away from you to rest his head back, stare straight forward in a 'huh.' manner.

 

    "What?" You asked, interested by his reaction.

 

    "So you don't know _that_."

 

    ...Okaaay, now you were vibrating with interest inside your brain. _Whatwhatwhatwhatwhat?_ You waited for him to continue, and thank God he did, without prompting and everything.

 

    "It doesn't inhibit my ability to feel. It's like a part of me, I can feel through it."

 

    _Stop_. You perked all the way up now, moving further upward to stare at him better. His hand went with you, still attached.

 

    " _W_ _hat_." You stated. "Wait, are you telling me...it's like a _second skin?_ "

 

    You weren't sure if you found that spectacularly cool, or really weird and a little gross. You were torn between the two. You ended up making a face at him because of it. You were initially off-put by the knowledge, if nothing else. You had thought of the suit as a part of him. It was something else to learn _that it actually was_.

 

    "It's not _that_ odd," he was a little offended by your reaction, his hand finally letting go of your jaw to move up to your forehead.

 

    _Flick_. You flinched, but at least you had free movement now. And it was weirdly lacking in any real force behind it, different, not what you were used to from him. You appreciated it greatly, having flinched so hard from what you were _expecting_ more than anything else. Force of habit, what you were used to. You looked a little confused after fact, the contrast of what you were expecting, way you reacted, to what you actually got. But you couldn't focus on that now.

 

    He thought you didn't like his suit. No, no, you were already starting to acclimate to the idea of how his suit worked. It wasn't _that_ surprising after all, you found. You were coming around to on board the 'hey, that's really cool' side.

 

    "So is it like," you started excitedly, "like-...how does it work?" You asked him in wonder, awe.

 

    He seemed satisfied you were coming around.

 

    "Like I said. It's part of me. Or rather..."

 

    He brought his hand up, attention shifting to it. Made it cover just his hand, and it did, setting into place out of nowhere with a dark flourish. ...Now he was just showing off, wasn't he? ...And here you were appreciating it. It _was_ impressive. He continued.

 

    "It's the darkness I wield. Darkness that _is_ me." He crushed his hand into a fist on 'is' to emphasize his point.

 

    He didn't sound at all ashamed of the fact. Quite proud of it, rather. You were proud that he was proud. Because he was awesome and he shouldn't be ashamed of what he was.

 

    "It's interesting..." He turned introspective. "That I still have all of this. Everything is still here, even though..."

 

    His gaze shifted back on you, and he looked at you like you were what he was referring to, like you were the answer. To what, you weren't sure, he didn't finish after trailing off.

 

    "'Even though'...?" You encouraged when he didn't continue, very curious.

 

    If it involved you somehow, you wanted the details from him. Wanted to hear how this whole thing works straight from the dark horse's mouth. How he... _operated_ inside. What it was like for him. You craved more knowledge about him in general. Oh yes, this was a _question_ day. For sure.

 

    He hesitated, like he wasn't sure.

 

    "I'm not...I have..."

 

**'Part of your light.' Why was it hard to say out loud? ...It was because he would be admitting fully to _himself_ that he wasn't entirely a being of darkness anymore. And that was...**

 

**Entirely different. He didn't know how to handle that. All of this was so new and different. He was _just_ starting to really acknowledge and accept it in his mind.**

 

    He took time to find the words.

 

    "I'm not...what I was."

 

    It seemed definitive, but also like he had trouble getting there. You immediately jumped in with loving encouragement.

 

    "You're not." You agreed. "You're even _awesomer_ now."

 

    You looked at him in the excitement of how true it was. He looked back, carefully taking in your response, not showing much openly on his face.

 

    "But," you continued. "...What _exactly_ do you mean?" You sought clarification, because it wasn't very clear. Tilted your head at him in question.

 

    After a moment, he pressed his lips together in thought, brought a hand to touch his fingertips against your chest, over your heart. It was a gesture laden with emotion, and he had your attention expressly.

 

    "I...I'm not...darkness anymore. Because of you."

 

    It felt like the world fell out. Everything else went away in a grand shattering. That was...a massive revelation. What the fuck was- he just _said_ that to you. ...He just _said that to you_. The shock must have shown on your face.

 

    "You didn't even realize. Idiot." He stated, encompassed in a calm yet serious manner.

 

    He looked more relieved now though. Relaxed. As if he got something off his chest.

 

    "ubuh," you tried to start.

 

    Blinked. Tried to sort your brain in order.

 

    "I-...Wuh-..." You took a big breath of air, supplying your brain with fuel. "You-... _what?_ "

 

    He mildly huffed air out at your lack of knowledge and understanding.

 

    "You _know_ that."

 

    "Y-yeah, but..."

 

    It was just...something else, a completely different breed, to hear Mr. Darkness himself go 'oh, yeah, not totally darkness anymore. ... _Lawl_.' ...Okay, paraphrasing, but-... You had to process this.

 

    "I'm still _darkness, idiot_. It's just not... _all_ I am anymore." He clarified to you.

 

    "O-oh...Yeah. Okay. It's just, I mean. It was something else to hear you _say it_. So _concretely_. Like, you went into that shit _hard_." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just...not used to it."

 

    "...Get used to it." It seemed like he was saying it to himself as well as you.

 

    Given a quiet moment to reflect on what just happened, you started vibrating in excitement. Just generic joyousness that came over you. You opened your mouth to say something, ask him something about how fuckin' great this all was maybe, but you didn't have specific words. You were just excited.

 

    "I!" You finally found. "You!" You also finally found. He watched, head tilted the slightest, face looking completely unburdened, like he was watching something amusing. "You!" You repeated. "Are just! ...Ssso _fuckin' great!_ "

 

    It was all your brain could come up with at the moment to convey how _GREAT_ he is. He took in the complement like a cat takes in sunbeams. Bathed in it, fully soothed, yet nonchalant. You could practically see him pulling off the 'slow blink of cat satisfaction. Cat relaxed-delightment.' He certainly looked relaxed-delightment. You imagined his face as a kitty :3. Of course, his real life expression was _far_ more subtle. ...But still. ...And maybe you were _getting that vibe_ from him more than anything else.

 

    "Doyou- I-" You wanted to pick his brain, ask him anything. "What do you think of when you think of cats?"

 

    His eyebrows scrunched the slightest briefly, in response to the very sudden topic shift. Then he looked at you in interest (and a little suspicion) on where this was going.

 

    "...What?" He asked, like he had to confirm.

 

    "What do you think of cats?" You repeated to him, jovial.

 

    He blink at you, owlishly. Oh, changing animals, are we? You could ask him about owls, too.

 

    "The fur balls that are always curled up in a chair?"

 

**He'd only seen them a few times, but he had basic knowledge of what they were. No specifics. ...He saw one stretch once. It seemed an exaggerated gesture. And then the way it carried itself. Like the creature thought itself extravagant, important. ...He didn't get it. It seemed like any other animal to him. Except it was full of itself.**

 

    "Yeah, those. ...Aren't they cute?"

 

    You wanted to somehow hit him with the line, 'You just reminded me of them.' Implying that he was cute. Because he was. He was the best. Then you could see his reaction. You wanted to wait for his answer first though, see what he said. He just narrowed his eyes at you suspiciously, like it was a trick question somehow. ...Since he didn't answer right away, fine, you would just hit him with the line now.

 

    "You reminded me of them."

 

    LET IT SINK IN.

 

    ...

 

    You stared, in eager anticipation for his reaction. You didn't get one. Either it went completely over his head, or he wasn't giving you the satisfaction.

 

    "...What's your point?" He asked, suspicious. He held suspicion of you, like you had something up your sleeve.

 

    You did.

 

    "...I'm saying you're cute," you finally outright clarified, tired of waiting for him to catch on on his own.

 

    "...Is that...it?"

 

    Like that wasn't spectacular enough.

 

    " _Yhes_ , that's. ' _It._ ' You're cute. ... _There_." Let it be known. Far and wide. ... _Cuteness_. Right here.

 

    He blinked at you again, like he didn't understand what you wanted from him, what was so spectacular. But you saw the peak of a sponge. You know, the one he used to absorb compliments, assimilate them into himself. Oh yes, you saw it. The barest peak of it sticking out.

 

    It was interesting, actually. That he took it as a compliment, what it really actually was, instead of some bullshit ' _unh_ , I am a _masculine, handsome man,_ how _daaahhhrree_ youuu.' It made him even more attractive. Then again, thinking back, you thought you had called him 'beautiful' or some such along those lines at some point, and he didn't seem offended by that either. That was _hot_. Someone who was actually confident enough in themselves to accept compliments for what they were. Fuck yeah, he's so attractive.

 

    "Fuck, you're so attractive," you informed him.

 

    There's that sponge, coming out into the limelight. Is that a peacock tail feather, sticking out with his chest? It certainly was. He was magnificent, all proud as he was. Some might call it self-absorbed. You called it deserved. ... _Ahem_.

 

    "...Anywayyy," you switched topics, before you go too lost. It was easy to get too lost in him, _with_ , uhhh- "OWWLlllss," you officially switched over. "How 'bout _owls_ _?_ " You asked, once again in a jovial tone.

 

    "...Are you going to keep comparing me to animals?" He inquired, not sounding at all surprised about it.

 

    "Noohoh," you moseyed the word. "I just want to know what you think of them."

 

    You settled down on him, getting more comfortable, in for the long haul of conversation with him. His now un-himdarkisuited hand surprisingly promptly found it's way back to settled around atop you. Ah yeah, that's nice.

 

    "...Why?"

 

    He always asked that.

 

    "It's simple, silly. It's called 'talking.' I'm trying to have a conversation with you, because you're interesting, and I want to know more. ...So how 'bout those owls?"

 

**One stared at him once, from a tree, after dark fall. He noticed it while walking, the white in its feathers standing out to him in the dark. He stopped to stare at it, living creatures always getting his attention. After being stuck in a wasteland where anything that moved was almost exclusively spawned from _him_ , it was strange to him. So he would always glare them down, the living things that he was just now getting to see with his own eyes. Not...his _other's_ eyes. **

 

**It was difficult to understand at first, small living things that just... _existed_. _Everywhere_ in certain worlds. So he stared at them. Watched, not fond of them, not hating them _quite_ as much as people. They were just interesting to him. In one way or another.**

 

**The _owl_ stared back. Unblinking, wide gaze, like they were judging him, knew exactly what he was. He didn't like it.**

 

    "... _Judging._ " He finally answered, a finality in his tone clear that he _quite_ didn't like them.

 

    ... _Oh_. That was an interesting response. You were going to ask why, what story was behind that, but he wasn't done.

 

    "What is it _you_ think of them?"

 

    Like it was an absolute that you had to think something of them. ...Well, fine, he's asking _you_ a question, a genuine conversational question, and you were _never_ going to turn _those_ down from him. It wasn't that oft he asked.

 

    "Well...they can be fierce, they can be cute. They're quite versatile, really," you responded, happy to have something like that to respond _to_. But you were still curious... "What's the story with _you_ and owls? It certainly sounded like there was something there."

 

    "...It's the feeling I got," he responded simply.

 

    ...??? Okaaaay? But you were still terribly curiooous?

 

    "Is that...it?" You sought more.

 

    "That's it."

 

    ...fffpdshfd. Fine. Then.

 

    "Is there...an animal you _like_ _?_ "

 

    You changed course, into something more positive.

 

**'No.' (...Sam wasn't an animal, and he wasn't openly admitting to liking them yet.) But an answer like that would make them pout at him, ask, 'Are you _sure?_ ' And while that was fine, maybe get him a cute expression, his brain was preempting their response. He found himself actually thinking about it more thoroughly, like he cared to give them an answer. ...It should already be obvious to him by now that he cared too much in regards to them ...It was becoming obvious that there was no 'too much.' There was no 'too much' with them at all.  
**

 

**So he thought about it.  
**

 

**...**

 

**Bats. He wouldn't say he _liked_ them, but...he found them less annoying than other animals. Almost had a begrudging understanding and respect with them. There was a dark cave. One he went to multiple times to get needed recluse. It was pure dark inside, hidden. Quiet. ...And had some bats. Much like him, they stayed in the dark there to get away from the light. They liked to be in the dark, didn't ever bother him, and generally kept to themselves. So he didn't mind them as much.**

 

**They would stay up in their roosts, almost mysterious in how masked their presence was. Some would occasionally fly around or leave, some would occasionally make noise, and it _did_ grate on his ears a bit, but at least they didn't make a racket at him just for existing like some animals did. ...Dogs could be _so_ annoying.**

 

**Imagine his _delight_ at finding out what /Name/ made. ...At least Sam didn't bark without reason. Even if it was still an annoying racket sometimes. ...Now he had the problem of conveying to /Name/ that he didn't _like_ bats. He just didn't mind them like others. ...He almost didn't answer honestly because of it, because they would take it that he _liked_ bats, but... What was the harm in answering? He was used to them taking things he said and pretending that he liked things by now.**

 

**...He also had the weird desire just to speak with them in an honest, open fashion, something mundane, without stakes. It was different, and new, and he was starting to crave it. Like he already craved everything else with them. They had waited patiently for an answer so long now. And he would give it.**

 

    "I find bats... _less_ of an annoyance than others," he begrudgingly admitted to you after thought.

 

    HE LIKED BATS.

 

    BATS.

 

    IT WAS BATS.

 

    HE LIKES BATS.

 

    You were going to get him _so many bats_. Anything that had a bat on it, you were getting for him. Heck, you would buy crafting materials _just_ to make bats for him. His room was going to be _covered in bats_.

 

    You inhaled. Breathed shakily, trying to pull yourself together, cover your excitement, but fuck it, it was already obvious. You sprung up from your comfortable position on him to relay your excitement. Just enough to look at him thoroughly.

 

    " _Duuudde_ ," you emphasized the ending D for good measure. You were hyped up. "I'm gonna get you...so many _fucking bats_. Well, normal bats, not fucking ones, but _so many fucking bats_. _What kinds of bats do you want? I WILL MAKE THEM FOR YOU, JUST TELL ME._ "

 

**They took it...a little more extreme than he was expecting. It was interesting to see the intense look on their face, how they were clearly _very_ committed to acquiring bats for him, but...he didn't want bats. It would be hard to talk them out of it when they were like this, _but he didn't want bats_.**

 

    "I don't want bats," he made sure to crush your hopes and dreams very thoroughly, because he seemed to be firmly telling the truth.

 

    You started to deflate.

 

    "N-no...no bats?" You went for confirmation, super sad in your words.

 

    " _No_."

 

    "N-n-not...even _one_ _? One_ bat?" A singular lone bat? So you weren't **_crushed?_ **

 

    " _I don't want bats_ ," he very definitively said to you.

 

    You deflated. Fully. Collapsed back down onto him.

 

    Sadness.

 

    Sad.

 

    That's what you felt. You had been so close. Thought you found something he actually liked. ...But alas, you would just have to keep searching. And rely on what you already knew.

 

**He didn't expect them to be so saddened by it either. It _almost_ made him _consider_ changing his mind, but he didn't. He could make them stop unintentionally blasting annoying disappointment and sadness at him in other ways.**

 

 **"** But you...like red, right? You...you do like red? Or don't hate it at least? **"**

 

**It seemed he didn't have to. They were already on the mend on their own. As long as he didn't say he actually _hated_ red. Because he didn't. So he could at least say that.**

 

**"...I don't mind it."**

 

**They relaxed into him en masse, significantly feeling better.**

 

    Thank God. At least there was something. You had _something_ to go off of.

 

    "Okay, so like, red. ...And black? How you feelin' about black?"

 

    Having a solid two confirmed would be great. He thought again.

 

    "...I like it."

 

**It was better than some bright annoyance.**

 

    You didn't expect such a straightforward answer. You bolted upwards again, staring at him in surprise.

 

    "SO-...waitwaitwaitwaitwait. You _like_ black. You don't _mind_ red? ...Is...is black actually your favorite color?"

 

    Were you wrong all this time? Was he _really_ just fucking with you back then? Giving you some shtick answer to get by? Pretend to get along? You weren't pissed about it, had no reason to be, especially given circumstances and how things were between you back then... You _were_ highly curious of the truth of the matter. You thought you knew something all this time, but if it wasn't... You needed to fix it right away. Buy him everything _BLACK_. from now on instead.

 

    "It's..."

 

    He brought a hand over to press his fingertips into his glabella, like going so in depth about this stressed him. His other hand gripped you briefly from where it still remained around you, like he was dealing with frustration. Maybe talking about stuff he liked actually stressed him? You thought about how to change the topic. He started speaking again right before you started to.

 

    "Black is like the dark. That's..."

 

**Comforting. But he didn't feel like confessing that to them. For now, at least.**

 

    "Familiar. It..."

 

    **Feels like home. It was his element. In every sense, including literal. ...The parts that _hurt_...he found himself willfully and willingly distancing himself from now. But everything else, the pure, unaffiliated, unafflicted darkness...the kind that you could use for whatever you wanted, if you were capable... That was still something he could cloak himself in and feel safe.**

 

    "...it's..."

 

    "You don't have to talk about it..." You gave him an out gently, since he seemed to be struggling to find words.

 

    He stopped trying for a moment. ...Then,

 

    "I feel like...it's where I belong."

 

**And that wasn't a bad thing. He was certain of that now. ...Something they helped him figure out.**

 

    He lifted the arm not around you, and you watched as he commanded pure darkness around it. You shivered, feeling it's presence, watching in awe as he did it, that he _could_ do stuff like that. It coalesced into his hand, where it formed a dense ball, a slight purple hue about its edges. It almost looked like he was holding a black hole.

 

    He brought it down, looked at it. _You_ were looking at it, entranced about the whole thing. He brought it even further down, in front of you so you could get a good look. Probably showing it off. Without thinking, you started to reach out toward it, completely hypnotized by how weirdly pretty and magical it looked.

 

    He ripped it back away from you, and you blinked. Came out of your trance. Looked at him in question.

 

    "I don't think...I'm not sure that's a good idea."

 

    You tilted your head at him innocently.

 

    "Why? Is it...like an ouchie ball?"

 

    His face mildly scrunched in displeasure at your phrasing for just a second, blinked.

 

    "...No. But..."

 

    What? What was it? Was it such super, pure darkness dark darkness that it was going to corrupt you the second you touched it? _Darkness within darkness? Was it that darkness?_

 

    "But?"

 

    You were so curious as to what it was. Why _exactly_ it was dangerous for you to touch it. What was the _specific reason?_ He watched you for a moment, considering. Slowly brought it back down again.

 

    " _Be **careful**_ ," he insistently instructed. "Or I'm going to flick you in the forehead again."

 

    He was deathly serious, and you knew he would. So for _whatever_ _reason_ , you were deathly careful.

 

    _Butyoureallywantedtopokethething_.

 

    You ever so slowly moved your finger toward the ball. Glanced over to Vani to make sure that was okay. He didn't stop you, so you went ahead. Your fingertip barely brushed it and it felt like some weird fuzzy, muted electrical zap went through you. Not _painful_ , but not _pleasant_. Even still, you could tell that it was  _raw power_. You shuddered, pulling away. That was a _powerful_ power that you didn't want to mess with.

 

    Nope.

 

    Nooo thank you.

 

    You're good.

 

    You're good...yet you still wondered what it would be like to hold something like that. How _he_ did it and didn't go insane. ...Maybe he had, at some point. ...Oh god... You stared at it, apprehensive, a little glare slipping in out of fear of what it could potentially do to someone.

 

    "Well? Satisfied your curiosity?"

 

    You ignored his question, blasting back with your own, because you needed to know.

 

    "That doesn't hurt?"

 

    He was mildly surprised for a second.

 

    "No. ...Why? Does it hurt you?"

 

    He was suddenly highly attentive, practically glaring into your eyes for an answer.

 

    "I...it doesn't _hurt_. It's just...I don't know. I don't know how you hold on to it like it's nothing."

 

    He seemed placated by that, relaxing again. Turned his eyes to the ball, tossed it up, caught it. Turned it over, appraising it. His eyes shifted back over to you. You could tell his gears were turning over something.

 

    "Catch."

 

    "HBUH?!?!"

 

    You rocketed out of the way just in the nick of time as it came back down toward you. You now hovered on the edge of the bed, away from Vani. He could have stopped you, but he let his arm fall off away from you when you moved with the speed and desperation of a cheetah escaping hell.

 

    His reaction was confusing. Initially, for hardly two seconds, he looked _hurt_ by your reaction. Then he burst into laughter like it was funny. It didn't sound like a happy laugh, but like something was funny to him in _some_ way. It stopped almost as fast as it started. You felt the need to explain yourself. You didn't want him to be upset with you, if he _was_ hurt.

 

    "I'm sorry, I just- I didn't mean- I wasn't ready to take that thing on. It's... _intimidating_."

 

    It is. And that's the truth. It now lied tucked into his side, where it had rolled off to in the commotion. You found it interesting that it obeyed the laws of physics like an actual ball. He picked it back up. Looked from it, to you. It looked like he was considering- oh no. You tensed.

 

**He had the urge to toss it at them again, purely driven by the drunken power he felt, the way they _scattered_ so fiercely. It made him want to do it again, make _them_ do it again. Something felt good from having that kind of power, especially over them. ...And it may have been driven by the shred of hurt they left behind in him when they did it.**

 

**He knew it didn't mean anything, knew they just weren't up to holding something like this, as what it was, with what they were. They even said. But...seeing them _flee_ so wholeheartedly from something that came from a deep part of _him_... It hurt anyway. He didn't know what he expected. That was all he really could expect, given their initial reaction. ...For some reason, he had suddenly felt like throwing all caution to the wind, just to see what would happen. Because they always surprised him.**

 

**And he simply wanted to mess with them. Like always. He had achieved that, at least. Now he had to deal with the repercussions of deciding to throw away caution. ...It wasn't _that_ big a deal after all, he decided. ...Considered throwing it at them again one more time, just for fun, looking at them in a way where that was clear. They were already tensed and wound up on the edge of the bed, seeing the clear intention on his face that he made sure to openly show them... Their entire face crumpled into itself tensely in apprehension, clearly expecting him to do it and afraid of it.**

 

**Yet they didn't run away. He wasn't sure if it was because they trusted them, or if they were just dumb. ...It might be both. He found he very much liked them trusting him.**

 

    His hand moved, the intimidating orb of dark darkness moved, and you massively flinched, throwing your arms up to try to prevent more direct contact, scared of what it would do to you. ...Except it went straight back down into his hand. He caught it, tossed it back up, caught it. ...He-...he never-...he never even _directed_ it at you. You had reacted so extremely for no reason.

 

    ...Thank _goodness_. You started to slump in relief. You had actually been a little terrified of the possibility.

 

    " _What?_ " He mocked. "Afraid I was going to do _this?_ "

 

    You immediately _unrelaxed_ , throwing your arms back up, screwing your eyes shut, flinching back. ...But nothing ever came. Except an amused 'ha' huffed from him. You squinted your eyes open cautiously. Observed him still idly tossing the thing like everything was fine and dandy. You stared, making sure your brain understood what was happening.

 

    He was playing with you. Except it was in the _not nice_ way. The way that actually made you uncomfortable, was unpleasant. ...Which made you sad. It wasn't the biggest deal, this was _Vanitas_ you were with, and he hadn't actually gone through with his subsequent threats, just fucking with you, but... That didn't mean it _felt nice_.

 

    "That wasn't nice," you said to him seriously, very unhappy.

 

    Your face was set in a serious frown. He stopped tossing the ball. Watched you. His face was also turned to serious, unhappy. You thought maybe _he_ was going to lecture _you_ on being a baby. OH HO, YOU HAD THE BIG ONES COMIN' IF THAT WAS THE CASE. BIG LECTURE. _Two_ could play at that game. He looked away from you, looking displeased over something.

 

    You thought about taking that ball right out of his hand and throwing it in his face, if it came to that. See how _he_ liked it. You had the fierce will to wield it now. ...If need be, because you would rather _not_ , but... Not that you would ever seriously throw something hard like that at his face to begin with, it was just your imagination venting your frustrated feelings.

 

    It was silent, neither of you willing to speak first, and it hung heavy in the air, uncomfortably. But not uncomfortable enough that you were bending on this. You thought about how to resolve this, wondered if it counted as a fight. Because it _felt_ like you were fighting, with this tense air. ...You were going to tell him about how he was a Ceratosaurus before all this, too. ...Maybe you could work that into a lecture on how it's not nice to bully people...

 

    You were brought out of your thoughts by an aggravated sigh.

 

    " _Fine_ ," he relented, clearly unhappy.

 

    Though what he was relenting to, you weren't even sure. 'Fine' was pretty vague without context. He tossed the ball away from you, and it dissipated into wispy darkness and then nothing in midair.

 

    "Uh-"

 

    " _Don't start._ "

 

    ...He apparently had already received a lecture from you in his head. Maybe. It seemed like it. ...Which you found yourself weirdly appreciating. He had some kind of moral compass working for him all on its own. You didn't even have to actually lecture him, he just got there all by himself. ...You were a little proud. ...Just straight proud, alright, you admit it.

 

    You weren't _glowing_ with accolades, because it wasn't like he had a sincere 'I'm sorry' moment or anything, but he came close to his version of it. So everything was mostly better now, and you were mostly content, finally lying back down next to him. Not snuggled back into him yet, but heck, you might reach over to hold his hand in a minute or something.

 

    "...Did I tell you about the Ceratosaur'?" you asked.

 

    "What." He still sounded so unhappy that it came out flat and didn't even sound like a question. But still, there it was.

 

    "In that lecture I clearly gave you in your head, did I mention the Ceratosaur'?...-us," you tacked on the rest of the name proper because you felt like it.

 

    It was a moment before he replied.

 

    "...No," he finally admitted.

 

    So you _did_ head lecture him. How.....something. Good??

 

    " _WHELL_ ," you started with flourish, "I was _going_ to tell you about how sometimes you remind me of a ceratosaurus. You know, in addition to 'shark.' You know, before _ball threats_ happened." Calling it _ball threats_ sounded funnier and helped ease the situation for you. "So, ceratosaurus. ...What do you think?"

 

    "... ** _What_** is a ceratosaurus?" He said it slowly, carefully, but he indeed got it right. And he sounded semi-interested now. And like a ceratosaurus was ridiculous and it offended him.

 

    "Is dino," you supplied. "Big, scaly, lizard, thing. Walks upright on two legs. Has horn on head. Somehow looks terrifying and like an adorable doofus at the same time. ...It's extinct in my world. ...Probably for the best, because people would shit their pants at seeing one and then die because it ate them... _chomp_. Did I emphasize how big they are? And teeth. _Teeth._ " He listened in passive interest. "...I should try to get you a picture of one. Er, recreation, since they're extinct. ...I wonder how I would do that...?" You thought, a bit lamentful.

 

    Because how _would_ you do that? ...You should ask Luxu. Later. When you told him about how great and awesome the world traveling was. But now...

 

    "CERATOSAURUS." You announced, firmly. "...I just like saying it. And I like dinosaurs. Hey, how much do you actually know about dinos?"

 

    "...'Dinos,'" he repeated. Y-yeah. Those things. Those are the ones. "I don't...I don't." He trailed off at first, then just said it definitively.

 

    "You don't...you don't know about dinos?"

 

    Woah. Something he actually hadn't learned about at some point. ... _YOU WOULD BE HIS WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE_.

 

    " _ASK ME ANYTHING_ ," you emphaticked at him, opening the door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reading through this entire thing again, for the memories, and to find out what's in pile-of-stuff. Take inventory of what each character has acquired, because at this point, there's too much not to. XD It's been nice, going back through. Good memories (mostly, I still internally writhe for the characters in the roughest bits).  
> I also learned glabella. Everyone learn glabella. It's important. (Maybe.)  
> How do I keep ending up making long chapters? Well, that's a good thing I guess. Woo! (oops, it's a record breaker in character count, wtf, how-... WOO!) I had to break it there, because I could just keep going in this chapter, but I wanna post something sooner than later. And it's already so long 'XD  
> Thank God for downtime, just some good old fashioned talking and hanging out, oh yeah. This clears my soul. That's some good shit. Mmf. Good wholesome healingness. (Oopsabitoftensionhappened) (butit'sallgoodintheend)
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	71. Speak of Certain Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh...'mentions' of smut?

    As soon as you said it, you realized saying 'ask me anything' could easily be taken advantage of by him, taken out of context. Even though the context was _clearly dinos_. So you could just steer it back there if-

 

    " _Anything_ ," he purred, so clearly utterly pleased with this turn of events. It showed all over his face, to the point that he certainly intended to follow this through.

 

    _Erk!_ There it is! You could practically tell that he was purring over this internally as much as he was externally. Oh yes, much purring. So much evilly delighted purring in his being right now. He should learn how to _actually_ purr using some darkness magic or something, because he might as well at this point. But you weren't falling-

 

    "Like what _exactly_ I can do to you to make you _completely_ lose your mind? Before you cum so hard that you cover me in yourself?" Even lying down casually as he was, looking over at you, he still speared you with his heat.

 

    ...(Doubly) _ERK!_ A-ah... A _completely unbidden_ image flashed in your mind. Because you knew exactly the answer now that he had asked it. If he pinned you down, with just one hand holding your wrists, both your arms above your head, holding you in place even as you writhed against him... If he went after what _did it for you so much_ that other time...i-if he played with your _nipples_ , _AND SAID ABSOLUTELY **FILTHY** THINGS TO YOU IN HIS DAMN ALLURING AND HOT AS FUCK VOICE WHILE HE DID BOTH OF THOSE THINGS, WHILE_ _**WATCHING** YOU FALL APART LIKE IT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER AND HE WAS SO HAPPY OVER IT_-

 

    You were already short-circuiting from just the thought, your face and body gone up in flames. Th-th-th-this was-! ? ( _error_ , _abort)_ D-d-d-d-d-DINOS. THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. YOU WOULD NOT FALL FOR THIS TOMFOOLERY! TRICKERY! You would have NONE OF IT!

 

    "D-d-d-d-dinos! Th-that's what...d-don't try to...yy-yuh-yUH-" What were you even trying to say at this point? He looked, _so pleased_ , _fuckin'-_ "You! We are! ...Discussing dinos! DI.NOS. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE TYRANNOSAURUS REX? I THINK YOU WOULD LOVE THE TYRANNOSAURUS REX. LET ME TELL Y-" '-you about it' didn't get the chance.

 

    He covered your mouth with his hand, shushing your current loud speaking at him. He kept it there, turning fully onto his side to face you, moving closer, really making the space between you snug. He stared you in the eyes the whole time, and you were distracted by the heated determination there, the fact that you could feel the skin of his hand against your lips-... You just wanted'ta...open your mouth and- your eyelids started drooping on their own, eyebrows pinching from some desire you suddenly had, what if you just opened your mouth and-

 

    GYAH. FOCUS. You just did this and already you wanted it again- yeah, you wanted it again. Nothing wrong w- oh hi. He is right there. Hello, yellow eyes. You stared into him, and he stared back. You were entranced, like you so often were, completely focused on his gorgeous eyes and on him, and just the fact that he existed-

 

    "I don't think you want to talk about that. Seeing how you reacted, I think you want to tell me exactly what you were thinking about."

 

    He's right, in that low, private voice he reserved for you- WAIT. WERE YOU SO EASILY MANIPULATED?! .........yeah. BuUT- Oh, his hand's gone. Great, so you can sAY,

 

    "I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU'LL ACT ON IT AND I'LL DIE. _DIE!_ "

 

    Your heart would overload, fail, and then you would be dead. So it was a big no-no. (a tiny 1% in the back of your brain _really wanted it_ , shush, we are _not_ -)

 

    "You'll... _die_." He rolled his eyes. "So overdramatic...but I do want to see what would _actually_ happen~" he fuckin' _purred_ at you.

 

    ...

 

    Listen.

 

    "Listen. Iii." The tip of his nose was brushing yours you were so close together. "...um."

 

    What were you going to say? You were at a loss. You flashed back to all the times he kissed you and you really wanted to do it again- you did it again. Moved the tiny distance to get what you desired most...your lips being pressed together against his. You moved your mouth against his in a relaxed manner, fully engulfed in the soothing bliss that was a slow, unfrenzied kiss with him. He returned it in the same manner, indulging you by rarely holding himself back. Or maybe he wasn't holding himself back and was just as much into this slow, relaxed pace as you-

 

    He pulled away. You made a sad noise complaining about it before you could stop yourself.

 

    "You can't distract me that easily. You said I could ask anything, and I asked what I wanted to know. So give me your answer...and keep your promise. Or should I make you promise it _again_ _~?_ " He wondered aloud, somehow purring out a pure threat in a way that made it sound nothing but loving.

 

    You brain was befuddled for a moment, tripping over itself, at the sheer way he had said it to you. The contrast. That _he_ was saying it like that. That he pulled it off so... _Vanitasy_. All while it sounded genuinely affectionate toward you. You didn't catch up in time.

 

    "Is that a 'yes'? You need me to," he closed the small distance again, speaking against your lips, " _remind you?_ _Of your promise?_ "

 

    His words themselves sounded like a promise all their own. You caught up. Snaked back just enough to speak clearly.

 

    "Whuhwhuhwahwaiwaiwaitwaitwait," you got out quickly.

 

    You felt the deja vu. Here you were again, with that damn promise, that WAS MADE UNDER DURESS YOU WOULD STILL LIKE TO POINT OUT. ... _Ahrgg_ , you didn't know what to do about it.

 

    " _I_ -" Still didn't know what to fucking do about it. ... "Has it ever occurred to you that you ask unfair questions under the pretense of this promise?" So you would ask the obvious.

 

    "Unfair how?" He was purely humoring you.

 

    Still better than nothing.

 

    "Because I don't think you realize the extent to which you are _actually_ **_frying_** my brain right now."

 

    You told him straight. He didn't seem at all surprised.

 

    "That's what I'm counting on," he told you back, and you-

 

    _Breeeaaath_. You were not going to let him short circuit you again.

 

    "Ah- dhuh-" Come on, think, you can word, don't let him win, "buh-...." It might take you a while, but you would get there. He watched you, clearly happily amused at his success. Oh yeah?! Well-! ... "I...I'll fucking die," you reiterated.

 

    Even just _telling_ it to him, you would die before you could even _say_ it all.

 

    "What if..." he started a proposal, "I _don't_ act on it? Just tell me because you can, for fun."

 

    He was trying so hard to appeal to you, but the fact that it was a hypothetical caught and stayed in your attention immediately.

 

    "You said, 'what if.' Don't think that snuck by me, I know you would still do that shit. And besides _that_... Like, man, dude, brosef, I'm just not inclined to...you know...say shit that would _fucking kill me_. _Do you understand that?_ _I would fucking die even just saying it to you_ ," you bared honesty, in a final plead with him.

 

    He considered it, or at least, pretended to. Your brain dreaded that you would end up saying it, somehow, and how even would-

 

    ...

 

    oh nohoh

 

    You shouldn't have even considered it, because thinking about it, your brain came up with and presented _more, **completely unbidden** **-**_

 

    _WHAT IF HE **PRAISED** YOU ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU WERE BREAKING APART FOR HIM-_

 

    That did it.

 

    Full shutdown.

 

    Fatal error.

 

    Goodbye.

 

    You were already collapsed on the bed, a quivering mass of dying particles. You went up in flame, blood pooling in your face, ears, head, neck-

 

**He raised his eyebrows in curious question at them. Now he _desperately_ needed to know what was going on inside their head.**

 

    His voice floated at you through the abyss.

 

    "What if you don't tell me _any_ of that? Just tell me what you're thinking **now?** "

 

    ................huh. He was still asking. And you were still dying, covering your head with your arms and accepting the fate of death. Here you go, bye-bye. You waved one last time to the world. As you sadly departed. ...A ghost. That's what you were now. ...A funny thought occurred to you. Something along the lines of 'ha ha, what if you told him. ...HaH.' Your mouth started asking honest questions from your brain about it.

 

    "...Why? Why should I tell you? What possible reason or benefit would I have?"

 

    "...Not breaking your promise."

 

    "A promise, that was made, **_under duress_** _, I cannot stress that enough-_ " _Breeaath_. "Listen. I'm not good at saying stuff like that naturally, like you are, apparently." Finally, you had clarity, and could say what you really mean.

 

    It was quiet for a bit, and you wondered what he was thinking about. You were not going to move to look up from your hidey hole to check, though.

 

    "...What if you didn't do it for the promise? ...What if you did it for me?"

 

    ......

 

    W _OAh_. He really wanted this for some reason, didn't he? It sounded like he was opening himself up to you there. And you almost fell for it, but the fact of the matter was... It was a little emotionally manipulative. You know. Just a smidge. You wondered if he did it on purpose, or if he was just genuinely speaking. You know, you could ask. You finally looked out from your fortress of arms. He was still on his side, half sat up, looking at you earnestly. You breathed and started in.

 

    "Do you...why do you want this so bad? To the point that you would try to 'do it for me' guilt trip me. And maybe you didn't even realize you were doing it, but... Yeah, why do you want this so much? ...You seem pretty earnestly determined."

 

    He took in your words. Considered.

 

    "Do you... _not_ want it that much?"

 

    You felt like your answer here was pivotal, because he was really asking. You lied your head down, got comfy, really thought about it.

 

    "I don't know," you confessed. "My brain is a jumbled mess. I think maybe...it's really hard for me to say stuff like that, but I wish I could. So I... It's...complicated." Ugh, what a cop out word, but it was true. "What about you? You never said what your reason was."

 

    You noticed he was comfortably lying back down now too, on his back. He didn't need much time to think about it, speaking openly, thoughtfully, from the heart with no shame.

 

    "I like the way you look like that. ...I like it when you give in to me."

 

    ...sssssSHIT. Just his honest explanation of an answer threatened to make you combust. ...DAMMIT, WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SO HONEST WITH YOU, IT MADE YOU WANT TO BE HONEST- NOO- You opened your mouth, almost intent to tell him something he wanted, but in the end, you still couldn't just say shit like that. ...Maybe a compromise.

 

    "What about a compromise?" You offered, hopefully, confident in your plan. "What if...uh...I could sort of...maybe...tell you...certain things...about what gets me going," _oh lord_ , "but not in like...excruciating detail."

 

    Surely you could manage the two words, 'praise kink.' ...Right? He tilted his head at you, raised an eyebrow, appraised you and the idea. Now that you thought about it, you were surprised he didn't already pull out the praise more. He surely knew you had a thing for it given your reactions.

 

    Maybe he just saved them up so they were more special, had more impact. ...Yeah, that seems just like him, keeping super ammunition stored away for special occasions. Exclusively just in the department of 'Make /Name/ Flustered,' since he didn't seem to hold back with anything else in his life.  ...And he wasn't the type to openly give out praise. Period. So it made sense he used it sparingly. ...Which was also a factor in why it did it for you so much, because it was coming from _him_ , which meant it _meant_ something.

 

    You wondered if it would change, how often he did it, if you straight up _told_ him you were super into it. The thought of him changing up his routine to give you lots of compliments and praise while... _hUFF_. You warmed too much again, but not in a bad way this time. The idea of him doing that was actually _exceptionally_ pleasant.

 

    Then you had another thought. You should really ask him what _he_ got off on. Did he want praise too? You knew he wanted praise, but did he want... _prrraaiissee_ , nudge, nudge. You wondered how much he really _got it_ from you being gentle, if he could ever even admit that. If he enjoyed it just as much when you rarely took charge. It was exceptionally interesting to you now, and you were dying of curiosity a bit. You would _have_ to remember to ask him at some point. Sooner rather than later, if, you know, you weren't _distracted_ shortly.

 

    "...Start talking."

 

    oOOoohh, he was willing to try it. Yes. Jackpot. Compromiiiise~ for the win. Now that just left the question of...how did you say this?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep these shorter so they're more manageable for proofreading.
> 
> Re-reading through, I forgot that Vanitas at one point refers to Reader as 'unbearably cute' and now i'm-
> 
> You guys fuel me to write this faster than I otherwise could, I love all your comments, thank you so much. No pressure to comment or anything, I just really appreciate it when you guys do. It gives me MAXIMUM WRITING POWWWEEERRRRR *imitates Sora imitating Hercules*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	72. He Is Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mentions of smut in the beginning.
> 
> Trigger Warning: uh...how do I say this without spoilering... some brief scary stuff happens. Mild physical abuse?  
> Flashbacks, panic attacks

    ...Best to just start in.

 

    "Okay, so...you know how um...when uh...you know...you say... _nice_ things...to meee-" you turned your face into the bed to hide, even this was... "Iii uh...I-...I like that," you whispered quickly.

 

    You ended there, unable to go on at the moment. You wondered what he was thinking, from your once again hidey hole.

 

    "What kind of 'nice things'?" He asked once it was clear you weren't going to continue.

 

    ...Of _course_. Specification was needed.

 

    "Gyhuh," your throat made a noise of preparation for what it was about to do. "Y-you know...th-th-things like... _urk_...p-p...praise, it's praise, okay?!" You finally shoved out. "Things like 'good /gender/' and shit, like- _uhg-_ " That was it, your limit. You had reached it.

 

    You took the time to cool down, recoup, recharge-

 

    "'Good /gender/'?" He tried it out curiously, like he was affirming it. It rolled off his tongue slowly like honey.

 

    Your entire body tensed and you shuddered, and you really wished you hadn't, but you _couldn't help it dammit_. Suddenly his voice was right next to your ear and-

 

    "Good /gender/," it was low and slow and dripping in all _kinds_ of stuff-

 

    -and you realized he wasn't just saying it he was praising you for reacting to him before when he said it- you clawed at the bed, shoving yourself further into it, your mind and body a mess of emotions. You felt a single finger of his trail down your back, and you flinched at the unexpected contact. FfffFuUCK, you felt hot all over, wHaT wAs HaPpEnInG tO yOu-

 

    "What else is there? Surely you have more weak points than _that_ _?_ "

 

    Fffff- him asking for more with _that_ voice, and his finger is going over the curve of your ass and now down your leg- UNF

 

    "I-!" You started automatically, but it went nowhere because your brain had nowhere for it to go to.

 

    ...And then there was the _flood_ of ALL THE THINGS- _hiirrmgh._ ...What if-...what if you told him you wanted to be pinned down by him _while watching for his reaction_ \- no, you would die, don't be silly. His finger reached your heel, went over the sole of your foot, and now it was tracing all the way back up...you sighed defeatedly in your own mind, giving in, relaxing, because it felt good. You couldn't and wouldn't deny that, and you focused on him doing that to you because it calmed you down.

 

    "Um." You tried, finally calmed enough to talk again.

 

    You lifted out of your hidey hole, looked at him. He was watching the way his finger would press into your flesh as it made a trail. Noticing you watching him now, he looked back to your face, still trailing his finger in the background.

 

    " _I_ ," you started boldly. ...Immediately lost the boldness upon realizing what you intended to say. Continued meekly onward. "I-...what if...I mean-..." You took a second to come up with the exact words. _Saying_ them was another matter. Okay. Just, no big deal, just cruise through it. "I...I like it when-," oh god, you couldn't look at him as you said it after all.

 

    BUT YOU COULD SAY IT, YOU WERE BIG STRONK, YOU WOULD BE BRAVE. STRONG. A PILLAR OF STRONGNESS.

 

    "Like-...um...FUCK IT I LIKE IT WHEN YOU HOLD ME DOWN, PIN ME BY THE WRISTS AND FUCK ME UP." _Ooh_ ** _god_** , _what did you just say-_ "WAIT A MINUTE, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO BOLD-"

 

    You looked at his face and all other words went away. His finger had stopped. He looked like he was barely containing a dark desire to do exactly what you just said. Like it was ripping through his soul like a pissed off wolf-bear hybird thing- He stopped fighting, or maybe he never fought it at all, letting the _**wild**_ completely cover his features, savage, intense _lust_ over you shoving everything else in his being away. It was actually _scary,_ the way his face morphed into something insane and dark looking-

 

    Your wide-eyed stare at him was interrupted by your wrists being grabbing fiercely by him, ripping your arms above your head and flipping you to lie facing him. You cried out, half in surprised fear, half in pain because he was _too_ rough. He gripped your wrists painfully, keeping them shoved down with his weight as he stared down at you from above, and his _expression_ was so- he was hurting y- you were _scared_ by him, feeling your eyes unconsciously fill with tears of fear-

 

    " _s-stop_ ," you barely managed.

 

    You were genuinely afraid. It was like he had gone berserk, and you almost didn't recognize him, and _what the fuck was happening_ \- He slowly shifted back into something recognizable. His brain and heart caught up to the fact that you were _terrified_ , and he let go. He looked angrily confused, like he didn't understand what the _fuck_ just happened himself.

 

    It felt like forever to you, but it was only several seconds until he got off you fully. You practically _tore_ through the speed barrier with how fast you slammed yourself off the bed and away from him.

 

    You needed Sam. You instinctively started to call to them through your heart, but you already heard barking starting up outside the door. You stumbled over to it, shaky from adrenaline and too much emotion on the _scared_ side. You opened it, and you would have scooped Sam up to hug them to you in much needed comfort, forgetting completely that you were still naked, if they hadn't _ripped into the room to **snarl** loudly at Vanitas_.

 

    You had _NEVER_ seen them so _utterly pissed off_. Not even when _Luxu_ had threatened you. It warped them and  _their_ face into an unrecognized force of scary rage-

 

    " ** _I KNOW_ _,_** " Vanitas **_snarled_** back at them loudly.

 

    There was too much scary still going on, you didn't recognize anyone in this room, you needed to run away-

 

    Sam immediately sensed what you were going through and pulled a complete 180 in their appearance, flipping back around to you looking just like the cute unversed dog you knew. They whine barked at you, trying to tell you they understood. They were distressed themselves and you could hear it. You were already stepped one foot back to begin running away. You stared at them, contemplating whether you _should_ _still_ just run away-

 

    They whined sadly, empathetically, slowly coming over to your leg to boop their nose against it supportively, their movement careful so as not to scare you. It was at _this_ point, that you realized you were still naked. And poor Sam shouldn't have to see this shit (any of this). They didn't seem to care or mind, given the seriousness of the situation, and human body, natural beauty, innocence, blah, blah, but still. You had standards of respect with them, and that included not being naked around them if you could help it.

 

    Your brain formulated a plan, because this was actually perfect, you could retreat to your room to get your other clothes since the ones here were still dirty. You checked on the status of Vanitas, scared of what you might find, but he wasn't even looking this direction, thank God. He looked like he had resigned himself to _absolutely **murdering** the fuck out of that mattress_, with the way he was looking at it.

 

    So you slipped out as carefully and quietly as you could, still in a shaky state. Somehow made your way up to your room, Sam following quietly and supportively, sending you mild supportive vibes so as not to overwhelm or throw you off balance any more than you already were. You carefully closed the door behind you, safely sealing you and Sam inside as silently as possible. You didn't want any attention drawn by anyone or anything other than Sam at this point.

 

    You got dressed before you forgot to do it, moving in a robotic fashion, numb. Sat on the edge of your bed. A safe space. Nothing had ever happened to you _here_. At least, not physically. There was the emotional breakdown, but... That was a different kind of thing. ...Huh. This was also the room you had first decided to stay with Vanitas in.

 

    ...

 

    How did you get to this point? You lied your hand on Sam as they sat next to you, giving them small, distracted pets sometimes as you thought. You knew they were fretting over you, worried. You accepted their presence as a welcome comfort while you went over things in your head.

 

    How did you get to this point? That was what was stuck in your mind. He had gone **_full fucking feral_** on you. After you had both just come off the revelation of him admitting out loud that he wasn't _just_ darkness. Not anymore, at the very least. Even if that wasn't _all_ he was...he _was_ still darkness incarnate. You felt like you had seen that very well now.

 

    He'd had... _instances_ before. But nothing like _this_. On _that_ level. Directly at _you_ in such a way.

 

    _("I never **asked** for your **light!** What makes you think you have any **right?!** ")_

 

    A painful image flashed in your mind, and you shut it down incredibly fast, afraid of it. It wasn't...It _wasn't_ like that- you started to breath rapidly, your subconscious desperate for air. But it _really wasn't like that_. His goal _wasn't_ to do anything like that this time. It was... _something else completely_. Something that maybe you didn't understand yet-

 

    You curled over, everything feeling too terrible to be able to keep thinking properly, you just needed to _breath_ , _desperately_ , and you focused on nothing but your ragged breaths because nothing else mattered. Everything was like it was shaking, nothing was right, everything felt too tight, it was like you were _dying_ -

 

    You sobbed out in pain...before noticing a very odd and attention demanding sensation on your face. It reached you even through the strange numbness and how everything had faded. ...Sam was licking your face in a very 'dog' fashion. Then they rubbed their nose against you, then they pressed their whole snout and forehead against you.

 

    _Sam_. Oh god, Sam was here. They were a shining beam of powerful sparkling light to you right now, your knight in shining armor. You scooped them up and held them to you, struggling with it because every movement you made was so jerky and uncoordinated. You were completely out of sorts.

 

    But _Sam was here_. You shoved your face into their body, falling over onto your side on the bed. They curled around you as much as they could. It was a lot of forehead and head contact, because you left your nose and mouth out in the open where you could breath fully unhindered. And that was what you did, taking shaky breaths, hiding in _Sam_.

 

    After a while, it calmed you down, being in their soothing presence. Wrapped in it like a warm, soft blanket. They were Sam. And they were incredible.

 

    "You're great, Sam," you mumbled at them, worn out. "I love you." They snuggled into you in response, letting you know through the connection that they felt the same.

 

    You yawned. It was a long day. A lot happened. You thought about how you could go to other worlds now. You could go somewhere beautiful, relax... Except you couldn't. You had to have Vanitas with you to do that, you remembered. ...You wished you could do it on your own. ...Fine, you would hang out at Sunset Hill with Sam. ...You realized Sam had never been on the tram. The thought of how excited they could be over it was _adorable_. You couldn't wait. You were looking forward to it.

 

    You drifted off thinking about hanging out with Sam in new places. How they could play with the waterfall mirror with you... It was a happy thought.

 

    One that Vanitas was nowhere in.

 

    Because you weren't ready yet to face him again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why emotional whiplash like this tho :<  
> At least Sam is there for Reader. All the Sam snugs. Yay Sam.  
> ...BUT HOW IS VANITAS DOING? *TOTALLY NOT OMINOUS OR HINTING AT ANYTHING*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	73. You Know Why, But You Need It Explained

**He went through tree after tree, hitting them over and over with his keyblade until his arm hurt. Then he kept going.**

 

**Stupid.**

 

**Why did he think that was a good idea? ...He didn't. He didn't think. He was overwhelmed with the idea of _not_ _having to hold back_ with them anymore. They said they were actually _into_ him having his way with them, and something in him just snapped.**

 

**He didn't want to have to hold back.**

 

**It felt like they gave him permission.**

 

**Except he really _didn't_ hold back.**

 

**And that was the problem.**

 

**He had felt safe, trusted them, thought he could let himself go.**

 

**Fully.**

 

**He didn't think.**

 

**About how _fragile_ they actually are. He _couldn't_ just let himself go fully with them. It...scared them.**

 

**... _Hurt_ them.**

 

**That piece of him that wanted to control them, have them, possess them, do whatever he wanted to them...that came out. He hadn't intended for _that_. Not exactly. But it was still fresh in him from seeing the way they fled from his darkness. Something awakened deep inside of him that he didn't want to even acknowledge was there.**

 

**That he was _terrified_. Of losing them, of them leaving him after all because of what he was.**

 

**That he _wanted_ _them,_ _so badly_ , he _couldn't fucking take it._**

 

**He didn't even understand what it was, but something about the way that they just _were_ , what they were to _him_ , it... It made him feel for them so strongly it was _violent_. He didn't even know what it was, or why it happened, he just wanted them so _badly_ it caused a strange kind of _outrage_ of want in him.**

 

**He _wanted_ them. So badly it was a desperate need. It came out in a frenzy. Everything in his system felt messed up, especially now, looking back on it.**

 

**He ripped through another tree, finally causing it to fall after a severe beating. He panted, completely worn out from his intense training and venting. But this was normal for him. If he didn't push himself, how was he ever going to get stronger? How was he ever going to _stay_ strong? ...How was he ever going to get the never-ending anger out of his system? It got too painful, if he let it build up too long.**

 

**Even though he had worked himself back into a state of sedation, he _still_ worried over losing control with them again. How was he supposed to _stop_ that from happening? Because how did it happen in the first place?**

 

**...He thought the situation had a lot to do with it. Avoid something like that happening again, and he could keep control. He had kept control for so long.**

 

**_(his hands twitched, the memory feeling of their neck gripped in them)_**

 

**And now he knew _not to do that_. Even if something like that happened again, he could keep control. Or at least leave them-...he couldn't leave them if it happened again. He knew that and he couldn't lie to himself. By the vary nature of what it was, he wouldn't be able to rip himself away from them, he knew. Not until their raw _fear_ of him pierced through the haze.**

 

**...He shuddered, remembering it. It was just... _too much_. That feeling of theirs toward him. He didn't want it again. **

 

**...Yet he still felt that urge to _play_ with them. Just bat them around a little bit, because he got a power-drunken high off of being in control of them. It made him feel good, made him feel like he really _had_ them. Had a solid grip on them and they weren't going anywhere.**

 

**...**

 

**...It occurred to him that he might have a problem.**

 

**But they had always been fine with it before. As long as he didn't scare them _on that level_ , everything was fine.**

 

**...He just had to keep control.**

 

**Surely he could.**

 

**...For them.**

 

**...**

 

**...So why did he doubt it?**

 

    ...

 

    You blinked blearily. At least your sleep had been mercifully blank. You sat up, watched the twilight coming in through the window. ...Absently stared at the spot he fixed. Subconsciously started to rub your wrists because of the recent event. Realized what you were doing and stopped. Actually looked at them, wondering what you would find.

 

    ...It was...not that bad, actually, to your immense relief. There were slight markings, but he hadn't done anything to cause you any real, lasting damage. You looked to the unversed ball of support and love and sometimes _fierceness_ in the corner of your vision, your mind naturally seeking them out for comfort, their presence soothing.

 

    They were still curled up on the side of the bed, asleep, or, at least resting. Seeing them, you managed a small smile. You got up, set on doing something until they woke up. So you could go to town and have fun with them. Show them the tram, show them the waterfall. Just as happily planned. You thought about what you could do, moseyed about the room for a bit, looked through Namine's drawings again.

 

    You supposed you _could_ wash your clothes. But they were still in Vani's-...it felt odd to call him that right now. They were still in Vanitas' room. And you didn't know if he was in there, and you didn't want to find out. It was possible he could be _anywhere_ , you realized, and you weren't ready to see him again. But you couldn't and _weren't_ going to stay locked away in your room. There wasn't _all that much_ to do here. You would die of boredom.

 

    You sat against the wall next to the bed, content to wait for Sam, bringing out your snow globe. You absently shook it and watched for a while, letting yourself zone out. Then you made a game of trying to make the flakes go a certain way. ...Then you got bored of that and took out your picture of Sam. Just to look at it. Bask in the cuteness.

 

    . . .

 

    Holy crap, it _was_ boring waiting for someone to wake up. No wonder Vanitas-... You stood up, just wanting movement to distract yourself. Yet the first step you took and you were already thinking about how any kind of resolution would go. Would you ask for an explanation? Did you need one? ...Yes. You could guess all you wanted, but hearing something about the _reasoning_ behind it directly from him would help monumentally.

 

    In your head, it was currently 'that's just how he is (sometimes),' but... Even if that _was_ it, having confirmation was nice. Would rest your mind from having to think it over so much. You tapped the end of your foot against the floor a couple times, deciding you had thought enough about that. Looked back over to Sam. They had changed positions to being sprawled out now. But seemed quite content and set on staying right where they were.

 

    Okay, fine. You were going to the garden, you decided. You went over to the window first to look out, just to see what was going on. Everything seemed peaceful. Same old, same old. Reassured, you went to the door. Stopped with your hand on the handle. ...What if Vanitas was on the other side of this door? ...Nah, that's ridiculous, it wasn't like he would be lying in wait for you like a villain-...ooooh.

 

    You thought about trying to figure out if he was nearby using your connection, but that would require trying, which might alert him-... You know what, nah. You were just opening this door. Sam was nearby, it was fine. You wanted to rip it open to get it over with, but were quiet for Sam's sake.

 

    ...See? Nobody and nothing there. All good. You went down to the backyard completely uninterrupted, much to your satisfaction.

 

    ...GARDENING. IT WAS TIME. You went around looking for flowers around the mansion, always leaving the doors cracked open for Sam, but didn't find much. You found a nice smelling herb in the front yard, that you took a moment to appreciate. But other than that...

 

    _'Mif'_ brought you out of your thoughts as you stood before the herb. _GAAAAASP_.

 

    " _Sam!_ " You called out to them happily, going right over to pick them up and hug them.

 

    They nuzzled your face in greeting, giving the tip of your nose a little lap before snoot booping with you. You internally _trilled_ , happy at them. Happy with them. Just generally happy because of them. ...Then realized that they were born of Vanitas as much as you, and wondered if their dedication to making you happy was something _he_ put in them, or if they were just like that themselves.

 

    ...You figured it might be both, because they were their own thing, but they were also deeply ingrained in, with, and from both you and Vanitas. ...It was complicated. But not really. It didn't _feel_ complicated. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, especially now. ...The thought of Vanitas wanting to make you happy, was...it currently gave you a wide range of different feelings.

 

    You knew deep down that he didn't want you sad, at the very least. He would never purposefully do anything to make you... Except... You weren't thinking about that again, right now, didn't want to. Instead, you put Sam down, excited to tell them of your plans for the day.

 

    "Sam!" You announced proudly. They perked their adorable little head at you adorably. "...I have _plaaanns_ ," you told them giddily, with emphasis and flourish. They stared at you, interested. "We! Are going on the tram! And it's awesome and you're going to love it and there's a _waterfall_ , and a _mirror!_ And- and- remind me to buy flowers on the way back."

 

    You were _gardening_. Gosh dang it. That was the plan. They barked at you in excited agreement, wanting to do all those things with you. They stood up from sitting, shifting their weight from one hind leg to the other so their entire rear portion wagged along with their tail. It was _so cute_. They were so excited, and you were both so on board and-

 

    "Onward!" You called to action, and the two of you trotted off to the tram.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all awesome and I hope you have a wonderful day, and if not, I really hope things get better for you. All the Sam snugs all around *happy Sam doggo snugs for everyone, Sam loves you all*


	74. Sam

    You got to the tram, your loyal puppo by your side. You had asked them things during the journey, talked to them, had a conversation. Kind of.

 

    'Hey, Sam, I was wondering... Do you have a favorite color?'

 

    You had asked them in the woods. They tilted their head at you.

 

    'Mip?'

 

    Actually, now that you thought about it, did they even _see_ in color? ...Of course they did. Surely. Of course. ...Right?

 

    'Sam, you...you _see_ color, right?'

 

    They tilted their head the other way, giving you a questioning look, then barked and gave one big, solid, affirming nod. Okay. Good. Awesome. Glad to have that cleared up concretely. Maybe they thought it was odd you asked, since the answer was obvious to them.

 

    'Do you have a favorite?'

 

    One ear bent back, then the other, slowly alternating as they thought about it while you both walked along slowly. Well, you were going at a relaxed pace so they could go at a non-frantic pace because of the mass size difference.

 

    'Bark!' They decided.

 

    ...But you didn't know bark.

 

    'That's...awesome?! I think? Uh...hey, if we ever come across a big old obvious patch of _that_ color, let me know? Show it to me? ...Uh, you did say you _have_ a favorite color, right?'

 

    'Mrk, mrk.'

 

    They nodded their head again to let you know that was a 'yes.'

 

    Awesome.

 

    As you trekked up the hills (damn mountain town), you asked them,

 

    'Hey, Sam. Do you...do you want like... _stuff_ _?_ You know, toys? I feel like you need something of your own to have and play with, you deserve to have something like that.'

 

    ' _Mhur?!_ '

 

    They stopped, making a high-pitched whine noise of surprised question. You looked at them, surprised and confused by _their_ reaction.

 

    'Uh, yeah, that's...yeah. So... ? Yes? No-'

 

    'BARKBARKBARK.'

 

    They did the full rear and tail wag again before it slowly evolved into entire body hops of excitement.

 

    'BARKBARKBARK,' they emphaticked at you again, and you laughed in delight at realizing how happy they were over it as they jumped around you in a circle.

 

    'Okay, okay!' You laughed. 'I'll keep an eye out.'

 

    They were so happy the rest of the way, and you were happy too, that they were happy.

 

    Now you stood before the tram as it pulled in, stopping, a solid presence on the track. They stared at it wide eyed, their tail giving a solid _'_ _thump_ _'_ against the ground. They had seen the other one around town before, but never the full on train track one up close. And knowing they were going to be _on_ it... Their tail _'thumpthumpthump'_ ed.

 

    "Well, Sam? Ready?"

 

    "mmmMR _ARRRFFF_ ," they were more than ready, breaking out in a sprint up to it.

 

    You were never-endingly amazed and made happy by their antics and how cute they were. You followed them quickly, their excitement contagious. They pounced through the door, on board. You found seats with plenty of room for the two of you easily, the tram not too busy. They sprang up onto the seat gracefully, landed stiffly, firmly, like an Olympic gymnast. Bounced in place on the seat cushion a few times. They practically looked like something out of a cartoon. It made you smile.

 

    They tried to get up higher to see out the window, so you positioned yourself so you could hold them up next to it, so you could both look out the window for a while. It was something that filled you with content, watching the scenery go by with them. They seemed to enjoy it quite a bit, having never done something like this before. It was special.

 

    On the other side, you both happily trotted off the tram toward...the waterfall. Yeah, the waterfall, that's where you would go first. Sam looked around at all the new scenery the whole way. You were glad they were enjoying themselves.

 

    But _now_... _The Waterfall_. Stood before you and Sam. You went up to it, giving your reflection an exaggerated, dramatic face, though you couldn't really see the details of it through the water.

 

    "Sam!" You turned to them in announcement. "...This thing is really cool. It's a smooth waterfall you can play with and make designs in, and there's a mirror behind it. You it's just kind of generally fun. ...Have a go!" You offered, stepping out of the way.

 

    They walked up to it curiously. You realized they were so small they would fit firmly inside the water basin at the bottom of it. That they couldn't even _reach_ the waterfall unless that's where they were. They clambered their front paws up onto the edge, standing on their hind paws so their head reached over the top so they could see.

 

    "Oops, sorry, Sam, let me-"

 

    They jumped up and climb-clambered all the way right over into the water. _Splish_. They pawed at it. It came up to their middle as they sat. Well. Seems you weren't needed after all. They were efficient as well as cute. They turned their attention to the actual waterfall part. Stood and stared deeply into it. They were probably looking at their reflection. Except they leaned too close to it and the water cascaded over the tip of their nose.

 

    They withdrew rapidly with a mighty huff, shaking their head to remove excess water. You kept from letting your amusement at how _fucking cute their existence_ _is_ show out loud, because they might think you were laughing at them. Recovered from the tiny onslaught of water, they batted at it. Pause. Batted at it some more. Stood on hind legs with their paws placed inside the falling water. Batted a little more. Watched the way the water changed by their paw.

 

    Then they looked their head back to you, looking so proud and happy, like they had just accomplished a monumental feat and they wanted to make sure you saw it and knew about it.

 

    MmmmmMMMMMMM, YOU'RE SO PROUD OF YOUR PUPPER FOR PLAYING WITH WATER. You blasted them with love and pride through the connection, it also clearly showing on your external features. They looked like they just received the best kinds of pets, _utterly_ pleased and content, body lazing so that they splished back down into the water.

 

    Wet puppo. Did this count as a bath? Actually... You went over to pet them in the water, as they lied with their head poking out of the surface. Oh yes. That made them happi _er_. If that was possible. This is the good stuff. You watched their tail wag silently and slowly under the water. To the outside observer, they probably couldn't even see Sam, and it looked like you were sticking your hand into the water for no obvious reason. That was funny and just made it even more amusing to you.

 

    "What kind of patterns do you want to make?" You asked them.

 

    They flicked an ear at you lazily, too content right where they were to do anything else. You let out a small laugh.

 

    "Okay, okay. Mind if I do? I haven't done this in a while."

 

    You used your hands, reaching out to press them into the water in various ways, making the water flow divert to wherever you felt like. Sam watched, entranced and content. _So_ content. Happy doggo. Which made you a happy human-o. Finally satisfied and relaxed from your activity, you sat back, leaning against the water container's walls just like your doggo Sam-o was doing on the other side of very said walls.

 

    They had enough of lazing, and stood up, stretched, yawned, shook the water off the top of themselves. Then they tried to do what you did with the water. It was harder for them with tiny paws, but they had some affect on it. Then they became the smartest dog in the world, because they turned to the side and used their entire forearm and tail to direct the water, pressing them into the smooth mirror backing it, causing the flow to divert as they desired.

 

    ...

 

    _HUHNGH_. S-so cute...s-so smart...

 

    "P-perfect...doggo...you are the perfect...doggo." You said at them in admiration and wonder.

 

    For a second, they didn't react much, maybe it was an 'of course,' maybe they were overwhelmed by the praise and needed time to process it. But after that they quickly set to scampering out of the water entirely, landing out of the basin with a soft _thmp_. Then they were all over you, pouncing upon your being to lather you with cuddles regardless of the fact that they were soaked.

 

    You laughed and fell over, letting them love you, loving them back, not caring that you were partially wet now. You'd dry off, it didn't matter. What mattered was the _Sam_ currently curled up in your arms, lovingly pressing their snout into the skin under your jaw.

 

    You took the time to bask in each other.

 

    ...

 

    Afterwards, you finally took a leisurely walk together up to Sunset Hill. Sat down, enjoyed the view. You ended up lying down together, so relaxed you could have fallen asleep. ...But you couldn't sleep here. Well, you _could_ , but... You yawned, forcing yourself to sit up.

 

    "Let's head back, Sam, before we just stay here forever."

 

    You got up reluctantly, and Sam just as reluctantly followed after a moment. You both moseyed back, rode the tram, looking out the window again because they wanted to see. You did too, you couldn't blame them. But there was a plan hatchery-hooing in your brain this time. There were things you wanted to do on the way back, so you crafted an ideal route in your head on the way.

 

    Once off and back at the other station, you led Sam down a different path this time. They followed without question, though you could tell they were wondering about the detour. You were headed to a special place, but there was something you needed to know first. So here you were at _this place_ first, hoping to gosh they had what you wanted.

 

    Sam looked at you in great question as to why you were standing outside of and staring at a baby shop.

 

    "Trust me on this," you told them. "I'll be right back." Because pets weren't allowed in there.

 

    You stalked the shelves, glaring at products as you went, willing what you wanted into existence. ...Actually...

 

     ...

 

    Wait. Was that-? ...Was that actually how it _worked_ _?_ If you needed something from a store, did it just-...

 

    ...Uh.

 

    ...You had no idea. It was _really_ weird to think about. You shook yourself out. Another thing to ask Luxu. Actually, now that you had free time on your hands, maybe you would contact him soon. But for now... You went back to glaring and stalking selves. Come ooooonnn, you just need the thing for Sam, where is the thing for Sam- _gasp_.

 

    ...You stared at it like it was the holy grail. It actually existed. You picked it up with all the care in the world. Then firmly held on to it and _slammed yourself over to the checkout counter_. The person behind it seemed startled by your exuberance and intensity. You _bought that shit_.

 

    You _burst_ out the shop door like you could fly, in elation. Honed in on Sam waiting for you off to the side. They stood up, in fellow excitement, sensing yours.

 

    "SamSamSamSamSamSamSam," you excited at them. Practically crashed onto the ground next to them. " _I have it_."

 

    You showed them the book. 'Learning Colors.'

 

    "Now you can show me what you like! And I can get you stuff in that color!"

 

    You were so proud and happy of yourself for thinking of it. You felt like a genius. You flipped it open quickly, grinning.

 

    "Point it out when I get to what you like a lot."

 

    You started flipping through slowly, and they were on board with the idea, watching closely.

 

    " _Bork!_ " They happily signaled.

 

    They put a paw on the page as well to stop you. Stopped, they made sure their paw was on the right color. Patted it for extra emphasis to show you that _this was the one_. They stared at you proudly, happy to share what it was with you.

 

    You looked with awe.

 

    _Orange_. _Bright, bold, orange_.

 

    You filed it away solidly in your memory. It occurred to you that the entirety of Twilight Town had an orange hue about it because of the constant twilight, but they couldn't exactly have pointed that out effectively. You were glad you got the book.

 

    Then something else occurred to you. Orange. Orange was...red and yellow. Red and yellow were...Vani's red and Sam's happy awesomeness, which was akin to yellow, you thought. It was like they did a fusion dance and became Sam's favorite, orange. ...You were probably overthinking this, but it was an interesting, fun observation. You wondered how much of a coincidence it was.

 

    And there you go, calling him 'Vani' again. You felt much more comfortable now after a fun day with Sam. It eased your soul and mind. And heart. And body. You know what, just throw everything in there as 'eased.' Sam was miraculous in making things better.

 

    "So this is your favorite color?" You checked a final time after coming out of your thoughts, wanting to be sure.

 

    They nodded. Okay. You locked it in.

 

    "Any other colors you want to make anything known about?" Before you closed the book and initiated... _'THE NEXT PLACE'._

 

    They tilted their head a bit in thought, then shook it 'no.' So you closed it up and stored it away for future reference.

 

    "Okayyy. _Now_... _were gonna get you a thing_ ," you rubbed your hands together in glee, ominous.

 

    They gave you a curious and a little concerned look at your now 'muahaha' exterior and expression of scheming.

 

    "FollOw MeEe, heeyeeheeheeyeeheeh," you cackled to yourself quietly, while deviously, jauntily, hunching away to your destined destination.

 

    You checked to make sure Sam was following, and they were, giving you a dazzling befuddled look at your actions. Yeees, yeees, excellent, yeees. You had gradually assumed back into normal person walking by the time you reached the... _'_ _S_ _pEciAl Place,'_ not caring about the looks you got along the way. You firmly planted yourself before it, hands powerfully on your hips.

 

    Sam stared. Blinked. Stared some more with firmly planting their own selves in place, which involved plonking their tuckus upon the ground solidly. You started rapid firing everything you wanted to get them at them.

 

    "Okay so first we need you a snuggly toy then we need you a toy toy then you deserve to have your own bed as well and," inhale, "we need to get you your own food dish- wait you don't eat never mind. ALSO I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ENOUGH MUNNY FOR ALL OF THAT RIGHT NOW, BUT IT'S ALL ON THE LIST. OF THINGS. TO GET."

 

    You breathed after talking so fast and enthusiastically so much. There was indeed a list, one you needed to wrack up munny for because you wanted all the things for all your beloveds. Maybe even something for yourself sometimes. But there was another thing as well, that you wanted for Sam.

 

    "I also-"

 

    You cut off at looking to them. They were looking up at you with such wonder that it looked sad, disbelieving, like it was too good to be true. They lightly barked at you, and somehow it sounded choked with tears. But they let you know it was happy tears, both through the connection, and through the most radiant and joyous dog smile you had ever seen.

 

    They were like the sun. Your sun. Shooting you affectionately with giant laser beams of love destruction that tore open your heart in the best way possible. Because you slammed the gates open willingly and let the love and joy shove itself in and fill you to the brim.

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    ...Wow. You felt like you'd been blasted by goodness and should have your hair stuck blown back in a cartoonish manner.

 

    You love this dog.

 

    You love Sam.

 

    You love this unversed.

 

    However it was said, it was all the truth, and all it boiled down to.

 

    "...Uh," you squeaked, trying to remember where you were before sharing hearts with Sam and all that. "I...I wanted, tah get'cha, the thing...um. Oh yeah. I wanna buy you a proper snuggly animal for you to snuggle up with, but I wanna get you a good one and they're expensive, so...just wait a little bit? Then we can go get one you want."

 

    ' _YOUDON'THAVETOGETMEANYTHINGELSEYOU'VEDONESOMUCHTHANKYOU_ ,' you got the distinct sense of from them. With the connecty.

 

    "I want to, though, it's okay. You deserve nice things, Sam. Anyway, for now..."

 

    You started to walk into the pet store, beckoning them to follow because they could here. Their first steps were slow, but a few seconds later, they were trotting alongside you, excited, looking at everything, fascinated. You went about the whole store, showing Sam everything, because they wanted to see everything. So you showed. They were particularly happy over the fish, watching the pretties flow around in the water with rapt attention.

 

    Then you focused in on actually _getting_ stuff. You realized you could afford Sam a couple toys and a bed. Not a bad start. You couldn't wait to have enough munny to get them everything else, and Vani's sheets, and-......and Vani's sheets. You discovered there were orange options in the toys, not an _uncommon_ color for pet toys, but there _juuust_ prevalent enough to make you suspicious. Maybe that _was_ how it worked. But there were also a lot of other colors too, maybe you were overthinking it.

 

    Either way. It was how it was. You were just happy there was orange, for Sam. They ended up picking out an orange and yellow striped, soft, fluffy, big (relative to them) ball. And a solid rainbow colored ball that had a bell inside and was...you didn't remember the shape name, probably some long, complicated thing. It was like a ball but with flat edges. So its roll was more interesting. It was medium sized relative to them.

 

    And finally...they picked out a fluffy, white, round bed. Something they could really snuggle up in. Max comf. Thick, soft padding. The good stuff. Everything achieved, you both left quite content and satisfied. They let you know how happy and grateful they were almost constantly. It was warm, their affection through the connection. Made you feel snuggled up with. It was pretty dangin' nice.

 

    You returned the feeling to them as well, because they were great and you loved them and they loved you and just so much love all around passing back and forth between you. You weren't complaining. You passed by the flower shop on the way back, and Sam borked and prominently pointed to it. ...They actually remembered to remind you. ...aaAAHU _GH_ , SUCH GREAT AND SMART DOG.

 

    You thanked them for reminding you, took a minute to get a small, plantable flower. You know, the cheapest one because you only had scrap change left and it used up all of it, this tiny, unremarkable flowering plant. ...You loved it. You were going to care for it and it was going to brighten up your home. ...Home. ...Huh. It was a comfy thought.

 

    Speaking of home, you headed there now. A long, productive day achieved, the trip back was silent and unhurried. When you returned, you set the plant in a safe spot outside in the backyard, where you would plant it. Set up Sam's bed next to yours for now, left their toys out next to it. You asked them if they wanted the bed next to Vani's, and they shrugged in a 'either way is fine but here is good for now' kind of way.

 

    Speaking of _beds_...you curled up in yours, fit to sleep. Sam curled up in theirs, wanting to use it. They looked _snug comf_. It made you happy... yawn ...happy... Sam...

 

    Sam is here.

 

    Happy.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.  
> I Sammed.  
> I Sammed so hard.  
> I Sammed all over the place.  
> I love Sam.  
> Our precious biscuit bby.  
> Good old Sam relaxation.  
> ...  
> Sam.  
> I hope you guys enjoy the PURE FLUFF (wholesome goodness MAX SAM FLUFF AND LOVE) as a break from the drama. I love Sam so much, I want to cuddle them. Guess that really came out here XD  
> (does this count as boring filler i don't know i just wanted to write pure fluff as a break so sue me  
> I  
> FLuFFeD  
> AND I AM PROUD)


	75. Talk. Understand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> Talk of upsetting past events

    WwWwWwWAKing up next to Sam was a blissful thing. You stretched, then appreciated how they were currently sprawled out over their own bed. You know, the one next to yours now. There they are. ...So cute. You went over the list of things you could do today. Mmm, _plant_ , that sounds good. Play with Sam some more, now that they had new toys. Maybe finally wash those clothes. Get some munny. Buy sheets. Talk to Luxu. You know. Stuff. Lots of stuff to do.

 

    ...And none of it was what _mattered_ to you right now. Practically since the second you woke up, the back of your mind had been going, 'I need to talk to Vanitas. I'm ready to talk to Vanitas.' After Sam spa day, you felt cleared out and ready to go for anything. And 'anything' was currently the fact that it had only _been_ a day and things didn't feel right without him. Things didn't feel _right_.

 

    There needed to be a talk.

 

    A big talk.

 

    A big old _talk_.

 

    Clear this shit out of both your systems, because he probably wasn't the best off right now either. ...Actually. How did you even find him? Even if you wanted to talk, maybe _he_ wasn't ready. You knew it varied widely how long he needed after certain things. ... _Now_ felt like the appropriate time to try that findy-heart-connecty thing.

 

    But first. You got up properly, shook yourself out. Sam blearily blinked at you from their bed, waking up themselves. You smiled at them, letting them know everything was going to be alright, sent them that kind of feeling. Because you felt it yourself. There was going to be a talk. Things would be established. Important things. And then everything would be fine. You were determined of it.

 

    You slipped out your room, leaving the door open a crack for Sam, getting into the habit of that now. Made sure you were fully awake and ready for the day. Ended up moseying out to look at your tiny, sad, pathetic looking plant (now that you actually really looked at it under the light of a new day). ...You were going to help this plant. It was gonna be so loved. It was gonna be (small) stronk plant.

 

    ...You wanted to plant it with Vani. It would be like christening the place with him. A peace gesture after everything.

 

    ...You were ready.

 

    You went back inside, intent to try to call to him or something. You didn't need to. He came out of his room at almost the same time you went back in, like it was weirdly planned (fuckin' heart connecty, you swear). You both stopped flat, stared at each other. ...It was awkward. Like both of you were afraid to move first. Or maybe he was, because you were gonna do a thing. Here you go. Doing a thing.

 

    "...Hi," you waved at him tiny-ly.

 

    There. The door was open. His face was stiff and carefully neutral before, but seeing you greet him, he relaxed into a more casual 'yeah, I'm totally relaxed, what do you mean?' kind of thing. You thought you would open the talk gates right away, walking a bit closer to him so it wasn't weird talking so far apart. He watched you, and he seemed casual enough, but you felt like his eyes were wary. Like he was putting up a front for you, but was having _something_ going on inside.

 

    "I...am open to discussion." You let it be known. "Because... _talkies_ needs to happen here, I think."

 

    You watched for his response. He just continued to watch you, and you could have _sworn_ he was tense, but he didn't look it so much- riiight. Connecty. You cleared your throat out of nerves more than anything else, and continued.

 

    "Uh...an...explanation...would be nice? I just...wanna know what happened there, what it was like from your perspective. I want to _understand_."

 

    He looked away, expression finally breaking so he could glare at that wall over there. He looked pissed-exasperated in the moment before the glare came on. Like he was _done_ and _did absolutely not want to talk about this_. So you geared up. Readied all your everything, because you got the sense now that this was going to be a _TIIIIIIME_.

 

    "It was nothing. Forget about it." Was his harsh and automatic sounding response.

 

    Okay. You expected something like that. You could still work with this.

 

    "I-...I get you don't want to talk about it...and-" his glare shifted to you, and if you weren't so used to it by now, it might have shut you up, "...that's understandable..." You wondered if he knew his eyes held molten heat, or if he was just looking at you and that happened to be the look on his at the time. "I...would really appreciate...if we could just _talk_ about this, because... I don't know, it was like, it was like, there was some-" thing...

 

    You trailed off in your own mind. Something. Something.

 

    ... _Same_ something.

 

    Everything clicked, fit into place perfectly, everything making sense now. The _reason_ it freaked you out so much. That was it. Of course. Everything was crystal clear. You could see clearly, the shitstorm of fear passed for now. ...Aaaaand still there lingering in the back now that you really made the connection. But it wasn't panic. You weren't panicking. You were still in control, everything fine for now.

 

    But now you _knew_. And knowing was _the whole_ battle in this case.

 

    "I got it," you whispered to him, and yourself.

 

    Looked to see how he was fairing right now. He had settled into milder glare, something impatient 'let's get this shit over with already' about it. Great. You could work with that. You almost agreed with the notion.

 

    "I got it," you repeated, more firmly, still an awe surrounding it, because you _got it_. "I... I know what it is." You told him. ...But how did you tell him the _rest_ _?_

 

    He looked like he begrudgingly settled in. Shoved a huff of air out in a sigh, looking away before looking back, like he had decided on something.

 

    " _What?_ "

 

    He sounded **none** too happy about it, but he actually _did_ bother to ask, give you the chance. You would take it. Gladly. Just glad he even offered.

 

    "It...whatever _that_ was...I...I figured out why it freaked me out so much. There was just something-...it was like-... ...Like you lost control..." It was finally put into words, and it was relieving in how revelatory it felt. "The only other time...something like that...I feel like... _happened_ _,_ was-" You cut it there, that was all that was needed and it was all you could do.

 

    You left it silent, giving yourself some seconds before looking to him. He didn't look any kind of angry anymore, just _thinking_. Deeply. A stare that went somewhere beyond you, not really anywhere at all, because he was in his own head. You let him think. ...You still wanted to know his side, but you could get to that.

 

    ...

 

    You stared off at the wall. Wondered what he would think about planting that plant, because anything else other than the bad memories you had brought up was better. It still lingered beneath the surface, lurked like an aquatic threat that could spring out at any time. You didn't like it, _hated_ it even. The constant low-level fear that droned in the background because of it.

 

    But it was low level. You held on to that at least. Gaze wondering, you noticed Sam watching from the top of the stairs, around, ready to assist if needed. They tilted their head in greeting when you noticed th-

 

    " **What do you _mean?_** "

 

    **He had put the pieces together again and again, making sure they fit, and they did. But he didn't want to _believe_ it. Even though it was something he already knew. He felt like denying it, like that would make it go away. Maybe he was _wrong_. He had to make _sure_. ...Right?**

 

    He... _asked that?_ You would have thought he'd put it all together on his own, but...now that he _didn't_...

 

    "What...what do you _mean_ what do I mean?"

 

    Because how the _fuck_ were you supposed to phrase it any other way? Explicitly? 'Hey, remember that time-' _NO._ Not happening.

 

    "...Just what I said."

 

    Great, and now he was giving you the equivalent of 'see previous.' This felt like a stalemate. ...OHKhAy. Clarification. You needed it.

 

    "Do you...really not have any idea what I'm talking about? That the thing reminded me of the other thing so it really _fReAkED mE OuT?!_ "

 

    Damn it emotions, stop it...! So you stopped. Crossed your arms in a self hug way, turning away from him.

 

    "...why?"

 

    His voice was weirdly small for him, and it got your attention. You looked. ...His face was half way to beseeching, but he was clearly still trying to hold it together. ...Shit. This SUCKED, you realized.

 

    "...Why did you need to ask, if you so clearly _know_ what I'm talking about, and I know you know."

 

    Your own question shot back, unbidden. You were so worked up, more than you realized, that you spoke your mind without thinking, honesty taking precedence, because you didn't want this to go on anymore. You wanted all questions shoved out and answered quickly, over with, done. But that didn't take into account _his_ emotional state and could lead to unnecessarily harsh words. So you tried to crank that shit back as much as you could, reel it in frantically, back the fuck off.

 

    He seemed carefully neutral again, and you worried what was going on in his head. But you dared not open your mouth, afraid of what could come out. Even if you _wanted_ to say 'sorry, that was harsh, let's just talk about this calmly,' you didn't trust what would come out. 'I don't like this, I hate this, why are you making it even more difficult,' was something you did _not_ want to say. Because it was unfair and untrue, even if your upset brain was thinking it...and it felt true to you at the moment. So you just tried to avoid speaking altogether for now, not wanting to make things worse.

 

    "...I don't want..." He finally started quietly.

 

    But then he stopped again. ...Was...was that a statement? 'I don't want.' ... _Oh_. That was all you needed. Everything made sense. It made sense.

 

    "Oh," you acknowledged quietly out loud. "That's...exactly what...yeah. ...Sorry. I didn't mean to seem like I was...blaming you or something."

 

    Except maybe that was the crux of the problem. Maybe you _blamed_ him for what happened.

 

    ...

 

    _shit_

 

    ...

 

    You _did_.

 

    And there it was. All laid out, everything nice and neat, the root of all your problems. Something even you didn't realize until now it was buried so fucking deep. You had your promise. _The_ promise. _His_ promise. _Both_ _your_ promise. ...And your trust. Because you knew, _knew_ , that he wouldn't do it again. That he didn't really want to do it in the first place. He just... _felt_ things. Some things you understood more fully now, having experienced so much from him, with him.

 

    ...And that did _NOTHING_ to quell the memory, it was already there, couldn't be gotten rid of, forever, and only if he _just-_

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    ...

 

    Didn't murder you.

( _breaking_ )

    A HA hA ha ha Hah HA ha haH! Isn't that **_funny_ _?_**

 

    .

 

It felt like you were

                               losing

                                          your

                                                   mind.

 

**He felt _something_ happening in them and waited. ...Then something _dark_ broke out of its confines with the _crack_ of something fracturing. He recognized it immediately. ...So he _couldn't_ control all of it. He braced, watching for whatever was about to happen, not even sure how he would handle it.**

 

    You sat down. You were _done_. So done. With all of this. You needed _answers_ , _now_ , could never understand if-

 

    You felt like you'd had this conversation already. Oh yeah, you had. Filed it away under 'Deep Understanding of Vanitas.' ...It wasn't good enough anymore. What you felt at that burned place...it wasn't enough anymore. To understand. Not right now.

 

    " **What the _fuck?_** " You snarled and sneered at him.

 

    Movement. You locked on to it. Sam slowly approached, nearby now, and even _they_ looked wary of you. P _fFFT_. Hilarious. Of course. They sent 'Are you okay?' tentatively. You blasted back ' **NO** ' except in the form of a terrible mass of harsh feelings. They shrank back, looking like they experienced something awfully unpleasant. Good-not good. What? What's happening? Why is Sam sad? Sam sad bad.

 

    Your eyes shift to **_Vani_** -

 

    _Ooh_.

 

    _Van,iiii._

 

    This fucker.

 

    (waAit, don't you love him?-)

 

    "Tell me something," you started. He looked serious, ready for a fight, way he was so (you feel him) stiffened up. "What" (something) You stopped, confused momentarily. Forgot, doesn't matter, don't care. "Was that all it was? Yah know, when you decided to strangle me to death?" Super casual talk. "You had _feelings~?_ " you mocked, baby-voicing the word. "Poor _baby._ Guess it's okay you killed me! Ha! Ha!" It's funny, isn't it?"It's funny, isn't it?"

 

**He stared at them having a complete breakdown, and he wasn't surprised what it was about. ...He didn't know how they kept this under the surface for so long. Even _he-_... He didn't sense it until now. **

 

**They were like this before, in instances, _all_ related to-...**

 

**_That_. Except now it was... _un_ _tethered._ Completely free, broken out of its confines with... _help_. 'Help' he didn't know how to deal with. Not when it came from _them_. It was _him_ , but it was trapped in _them_ , and now-**

 

**...It was them. ...Partly. In some sense. ...Or maybe he didn't want to believe. He couldn't _fix it_ if it was cut off from him. ...Except they weren't cut off from him. He had access to _them_. _Entirely_. _They had given it to him_.**

 

(you felt lost, where's home?) "Weelll _?_ "

 

    **He tried _not_ to think about what they were saying. Just how to fix this. ...He had an ally. He looked down and Sam was already staring up at him with big, sad eyes. If _anything_ could do it...snap them out of this... **

 

**He asked for their help.**

 

    ...He didn't have anything for you. Shame.

 

    "You know, it's a shame, I keep thinking 'oh, maybe he has a reason, maybe there's _something_ that can be explained, something he can _say_ , that would make it better. ...There's nothing, is there?"

 

    There's nothing, is there...? You realized sadly, slowly. It was sobering.

 

    "...I thought I l-" ...catch. Voice. Caught. Something you couldn't say. ... _Did_ you love him-...what are you _asking?_ What is this? Nothing made sense, you just wanted the anger and pain and frustration out of your system. What's even happening?

 

    Confusion.

 

     'BARK!' in your face. You jolted. Looked, face contorting in an offended confusion. _WhAht_ -

 

    "Bif bif!"

 

    You stared.

 

    ...Red. Registered. ...Unversed...eyes...

    Pleading...

    Feeling...

    ...Familiar...

 

    Sam...

    You knew a Sam

    ...Didn't you?

 

    You nose was licked. ...What was...? ' _Boop_ ' popped into your head-

 

    SAM.

 

    SAM.

 

    ...Sam?

 

    "Berf!"

 

    'I'm here!'

 

    ...What's 'here'? ( _Lost_...)

 

    ...

 

    It felt like you were fighting your way out of something. What the fuck? You reached out to someone you knew, needing guidance. He was already there, waiting.

 

    ...

 

    It felt like home.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

     You gasped, like you came out of something. What, you didn't know. It felt like a nightmare.

 

    Familiar. Was what the current snoot boopage that was happening to your face felt like. It took you a very confused moment to realize it wasn't entirely _Sam_ causing the snoot boops. Vanitas was holding their entire body up, repeatedly moving them back and forth to cause boopage to keep happening. You looked at him, grandly incredulous. He looked like he was trying to bore holes into your head and soul with his eyes. So he could get to you. What?

 

    You were still so confused. And you just looked confused. _So_ confused. As Sam's nose now rested against your cheek from when you turned to look at Vani. You felt tiny dog breaths.

 

    Sam was put down, where they snuggled up against you on their own, trying to seek out your heart connection. You responded back, confused what was happening. They _slathered_ you in love and affection and _relief and_ \- What? What was all- Vanitas stared you down, or rather, stared _into_ you from inches away, trying to saw into your head.

 

    Your head snaked back, intimidated. ...And still confused. And he was boring holes into you _SO_ intensely-

 

    "/Name/."

 

    Huh? ...He... He hardly ever called you that.

 

    ...Why did you want to cry? Why did you feel like something terrible-...you _did_ something terrible, guilt, what- You let your head fall downward, staring at your lap and Sam vaguely, trying to _think_ -... It was hazy.

 

    But something was there.

 

    Oh.

 

    Oh no.

 

    _Oh_.

 

    You did-...You were-... _horrible_. It was hazy and you _still_ knew you were hor- your chin was grabbed roughly, forcing your head back up.

 

    " _Ow!_ " You complained, at the current force of staring before your face.

 

    He let go, and you were thankful, moved around resetting everything before looking back at him. ... _Guilty_. Immediately upon seeing him, that was what you felt.

 

    " **Tell me something.** " He insisted, an almost desperation behind it.

 

    ... _Anything?_ You were still so lost, you focused in on what he told you right away. ...You did have something you needed to say, _right now, desperately_ -

 

    "I'm sorry! I don't even- I don't know what-"

 

    He shut you up by shoving your face into his chest, holding your head. It was a confusing gesture coming from him. You weren't sure what...?

 

    "I get it."

 

    Was  _he_ holding on to _you_ , or was _he_ what _you_ were supposed- what.

 

    "...I get it," again, a little quieter, like he knew you needed it said again because you were still catching up.

 

    It also sounded like something he was sincerely letting you know.

 

    "I'm very confused," you told his sternum. "And sorry. Even if I don't remember all of it. I feel like I..."

 

    Did horrible shit. To him. Maybe even Sam. Like all the pain and anger over what happened came out. Fully. From some deep, dark place. Like you wanted him to feel your agony, wanted him to _understand_. To make it _better_. Somehow.

 

    ...You just wanted him to understand. That was it, you realized. You felt like he didn't _understand_ the pain he caused you. Which made it feel like he didn't care. Which... You didn't understand what was true anymore. You felt like all of those things were logically wrong, but... And you knew before. Felt like you knew. ...Where was that now?

 

    It felt like you had reached the end of your rope on your belief in him. If he didn't outright tell you certain things, it didn't feel... _enough_. Not for something like _that_. ... _That_. That horrible thing. It felt like it was trying to dictate everything in your head, take over, because you couldn't get _over it_. _Already_. _Can you just_ -

 

    You stared at the colors on his suit, out of focus from the fact that they were shoved right up in front of your eyes. It was an awkward position, now that you noticed it. Made a point to pull back from it, away from him, needing things to be said, a weird unpleasant numbness taking over. One you let happen, because everything felt horrible and you would rather have that instead.

 

    He let you go, and you stared at each other, apprehension in your eyes and his. ...Ha. It was like you were reflecting, a mirror. _Now_ you were both so on the same page. ...Weird. Ha. It was funny. ...In the not funny way. ...God, your thoughts are everywhere.

 

    "...I gave you my darkness..." He started, looking away, thoughtful. "...I didn't mean to give it something to _attach_ to." He looked back to you. "Everything you said...was right. Even if you don't remember all of it. Even if it... _came out_ _that way_."

 

    You stared at him in a bit of disbelief. What was he...? Was he saying you...were _right?_ Was he admitting he fucked up beyond all belief?

 

    "I just...I don't know. I feel like I can't get over it. I feel like... Do you...? I mean, you-... _regret_ that, right? Like- I just- it's just. It feels like something isn't enough because it feels like you haven't... _said_ enough. I don't know, like I doubt your intentions over the whole thing if you don't constantly remind me. It's stupid."

 

    You opened yourself up for that one, you realized, _fully_ expecting 'it/you _are_ stupid' to come at any second. ...It didn't. He just looked thoughtful. Stared at you like he was concentrating, trying to do something, get something from you.

 

    You felt the connection. Like he was there, and he was just letting it be _known_ that he was there.

 

    "...Can't you feel it?" He asked, almost sounding sad.

 

    ...That was it. That was a thing. You achieved clarity once again.

 

    "I need to ask you some things, and I need you to answer honestly." This was it. "When you...I don't understand why you would be willing to share hearts in the first place if...if you're also willing to turn right around and-...do that to very said heart share person. Why would you _do_ that? It doesn't make any _sense_."

 

    You couldn't wrap your head around it. That was the problem. He looked reserved, in for the long haul, thoughtful. You kept talking, unable to stop.

 

    "Like, if you trusted the person so much, it just doesn't, _shared hearts_ and shit, man. Why would you...? ...Why _did_ you share hearts with me? If you didn't like me that much? Because you had to _trust_ me to some degree for that to- and-...but if-... _Why?_ "

 

    You needed _why_. He waited, making sure you were done, looking like he already had answers.

 

    "It _doesn't_ make sense. I don't understand any of it, either. I don't understand why you think I _would_."

 

    "Because you're the one who did it. That's my _problem_."

 

    You didn't care what you said or how you said it, this was at a point where _only_ brutal honesty on both sides was going to get you through. His face twitched, and you assumed it to be his current version of a flinch. He sucked air in, held it, tense. Released it, letting everything go, letting his eyes fall closed and his head fall forward. Opened his eyes, just stared down at the ground, blank, sad. Like he accepted some horrible thing. And was feeling what it was doing to him.

 

    Even now, a tiny, tiny shred of worry for him was in the back of your heart. You felt Sam crawl off your lap, had forgotten they were there. They sat between the two of you, facing and looking up at Vanitas. You couldn't see their face, but from the sad slant of their ears, they were probably worried about him.

 

    ...Good. You needed someone to be there for him when you felt like such shit (such a bag of horrible shit) that you couldn't be. ...Or maybe you could, and you just weren't, and that just made you feel worse. But you felt distant. You didn't know what to _do_ to help _anything_ right now, certainly not yourself, and certainly not him. So you just praised life for Sam's presence, because they were a fucking champ of a rock for the both of you. _God._ Fucking bless Sam, they're the best _fucking_ thing, holy shit-

 

    Your attention was suddenly drawn back to Vanitas, and you weren't sure why, nothing particularly changed. You must have subconsciously picked up on something. You watched his face closely now, getting a concern for him over something you didn't even know.

 

    "It _does_ make sense." He was committed to it. Even through the fucking _sad and reserved_ that was permeating off of him, oh, _that's_ why you were worried. "I don't know how to do anything but destroy. Why wouldn't I destroy _this?_ "

 

    It seemed completely self-critical and crucially true to him. Like he had accepted it as a truth even if he didn't want to. ...Your heart hurt. You were so **_sick_** of **_hearts hurting_**. _Enough of this, already._

 

    "I hate this," you whispered, loathing, mind completely changing track. "Are you saying you self-sabotage _that fucking badly_ _?_ Because that's a problem. ...One that doesn't seem to be true with how _fucking_ hard you've been trying. So what _really_ happened? I just want to know. I want to _know_. What _actually_ happened? I feel like you've never actually told me the truth of the matter. Do _you_ even know?"

 

    It was dead silent after that, and you hoped to God he was thinking it over carefully, in a way that was true and revelatory and not just self-hatred. Sam curled up against his knee, in a position where the could move their head to look at either of you. They did, looking at you first. You looked back, sharing in how tense and awful this whole situation was. Then they looked at Vanitas, and he didn't look back, too lost in himself.

 

    He laughed suddenly, just a single strand of air escaping in a hurry out his mouth. His face broke, a grin that only conveyed pain and suffering on it. Then he laughed a few more times, and you were afraid because he looked like he was going to cry. Like he was already wailing on the inside. Your hand started to raise toward him, unsure how to help. You didn't know whatever it was that he realized that caused him to go into such a state.

 

    "I'm a **coward** ," he half laughed out, sounding like he was going insane at the revelation, voice wavering greatly. "I was **afraid** of you." His voice was too high pitched, a fever he couldn't stop, and it tumbled out of him. "I was **scared** of what you **_did to me_** ," he semi-growled out the last words, and it was odd, tried to fight with everything else currently stuck in his voice.

 

    He sucked a small breath in, a strange choke-sob thing of an exhalation following it.

 

    " _I didn't want it. Except_ _I **did**. _And I _couldn't **handle** that_, so I tried to get rid of it like I get rid of anything that bothers me. _Fight it._ **Snuff it out.** ...I panicked. I didn't even realize the kind of force I was exerting on you until it was too late. ...Then I panicked _**again**_."

 

    He was strangely calmed by the end of it, like he had numbed out and was just reciting out the truth at that point.

 

    ...Oh my god. It was like...you were actually _seeing_ his perspective from it for the first time. He was really _telling_ you. ...And it didn't make it okay, didn't make it go away, didn't make it... _better_. ...But...

 

    It was a start. One you felt could be good, that you could build off of. Now you just needed to connect the dots, make everything fit together all nice and neat, figure it _all_ out. With him. He, who was _also_ wrecked from all this. He never got _strangled_ , but... That's what you were working on. Trying to get a mutual understanding.

 

    "...What was..."

 

    You started gently, fully accepting of his current state, but not trying to make it worse, just take advantage of all the honesty you possibly could, because you were afraid this was your only chance. It made you feel a little terrible, but you realized _everything_ was terrible right now no matter what. And you were desperate to get an understanding so you could give him the benefit of the doubt again. Felt like you weren't whole without it, couldn't _help him_ without it.

 

    You weren't even sure he heard you, his sights being locked on the floor to the side of you, looking like he was internally falling apart but weirdly coming to acceptance of that. Or maybe just giving up. That was _not_ a nice thought. Vanitas should never be giving up, and that was something you set to distracting the two of you from.

 

    "What was," you started again, "it, when you...the other day. I'm trying to understand what _that_ was. Because it was clearly different, and I know that now, but it reminded me. So...I'd like to know what it _actually_ was."

 

    His face shifted into something entirely incredulous, eyes slowly moving back over to glare it into you.

 

    "...What? I think it's a fair question. It would really help to know. You have no idea how much you've helped already just by finally being honest fully with me about that."

 

    He looked like party loop straws emerged from your head and were growing bigger by the second to consume him. Or, something like that, with the look he was giving you. He sputtered. _Oh_ _!_ A rare Vanitas sputter!

 

    "Ho **w** -" he managed to get out. "What are you-??!" He seemed so confused, poor guy. You looked at him, patient, waiting to see where he was trying to go. " _What-_..." ...Waited some more. "What's _wrong_ with you?" Ah. That's where he was going. "You- how are you so-" He hands tensed in place in front of him, trying to crush invisible watermelons, grasping for words.

 

    "I think..." You thought you understood. "You're combaffled how I'm so calm and chill about this all of a sudden after everything just fucking imploded? Is that it?"

 

    "Mif!" Sam gave a supportive bark from where they were still against his knee, as if to say, 'That's exactly it!'

 

    His eyes shot down to them like lasers. Then he laser-eyed them as he stared harshly. Or so it seemed like. They looked back at him with a cute, open expression, completely unfazed.

 

    ...mmMMMM, cute. You had an explanation for Vani, though.

 

    "It's simple, my dearest Vani." Now he laser-eyed you, and you just drank it in. "I'm pooped. The human brain can only handle so much before it plonks itself out. Then it just basks in how relieved it is to have that over with. ...Seriously." You switched to more solemn. "I'm just... _relieved_. To have that over with. It's _done_. We got through it. Now we can...move on. Build on that foundation that was so damn hard to set up, but it's there now. We really hammered it out. We hammered the _shit_ out of it. We hammered so _fucking hard_."

 

    He stared, eyebrows practically smushed down into his eyes with how hard they were set into generic furrowed glare. You looked back, calm, chin resting in your hand, because you got comfortable. His head snaked back, he looked offended, like he _just_ caught up with something you said. You decided to ask something important.

 

    "Are you...okay? Sorry, I know you imploded too, I just...I shouldn't assume that you get implode-worn and over it too, like I do. So are you...?" You trailed off, mildly gesturing toward and about his being.

 

    He let out a breath through his nose. Started breathing more properly again, and you hadn't even noticed he was holding his breath he was so tense. He relaxed, a bit. Stared at Sam again, just breathing. They looked back, and you just knew they were sending him supportive vibes. You appreciated them _so much_. After a moment, they laid their head down on him, snuggled up.

 

    And you knew everything was okay. Vanitas looked more relaxed now. Not a good state of relaxed, not fully relaxed, just...better. A little better. ...And yet it still hurt over the connection just when you thought everything was okay. ...That's okay.

 

    ...Actually, that's _not_ okay, _fuck_ all this hurt.

 

    "Hey. I don't know what's going on inside there," you pointed to his heart, "but whatever's hurting you like that, you can tell it to _FUCK OFF_. You don't deserve that kind of hurt, and neither do I, neither does Sam, all of us should just... _stop hurting_. I'm so _sick_ of all this _bullshit_. I want it to just... _turn off. Go away_. _We don't want you._ "

 

    A small, sick, sick part of you reveled in the fact that he hurt over this, because you thought he deserved to beat himself up over what he did to you. ...And _that_ spawned from the fact that you were just relieved that he _did_ , because that meant he _regret_ , and he should. Because that meant he was a decent fucking human being. And you could trust a decent fucking human being.

 

    But you were just so _sick_ of hurt. Wanted it all to stop, just _stop_. There's been too much of it. Far too much.

 

    He looked at you mild-surprise-baffle-thoughtful. ...And maybe it helped, because he seemed to take the understanding door out of it that you offered him _inside_. At least a little bit. Because it eased. And everything felt lighter, better, more connected, more together. In a good way. Not perfect. Not completely free of hurt, and bad, and guilt, and negative emotion. But so much better than it was before.

 

    "...Is it weird if I wanna hold your hand tho?"

 

    Because you did, so you asked for the hand-holdy. He looked confused for a moment at the sudden hand-holdy suggestionness, brought his hand up to look at it in his signature 'I'm confused but almost everything I do looks a little angry too' way, like his _hand_ had suggested such a thing and he was taken off guard by it. ...Or he actually wanted to and _that_ confused him. So he stared at his hand. Flexed it. Looked at you, almost apprehensive in a shy way, and he seemed so out of place it was cute.

 

    "...Or not. If you don't want to."

 

    Because he seemed torn over it, and you weren't going to force him. What- oh, he grabbed your hand like he was grabbing the last apple at the supermarket and didn't want anyone else snatching it from him. It wasn't an ideal hold, kind of awkwardly just _there_ between you, him gripping around the palm of your hand more than anything else, your fingers awkwardly sticking out the front of his hold uselessly.

 

    ...But it was something. There is was. ...There was hand holding, achieved. You stared at it, feeling even more connected to him.

 

    ...Which meant it was a good time to have the rest of that talk.

 

    ...But you don't _waannnaaaaaa_. As much as you internally complained and stomped your feet, upset about it, frowning on the outside because of it, you knew it needed to happen. ...The base was there now. It was okay.

 

    "We...need to...talk." You supplied lamely. "I...if it's not too much...could...could you still explain what _that_ was? _Other_ that? The other day _that_ _?_ "

 

    He was staring at your hands being together, like he couldn't decide if he wanted to try to shift it to a more comfortable position or not. His brow furrowed at your questions, a frown making itself known fully. He was _not_ happy about it. Neither were you. But this was so much better than before.

 

    "You're not...don't you... _hate_ _me?_ " You mean, you clearly didn't, but you saw where he was going with this, that he needed to get it out of his system just like you needed to get things out of your system. "I was... ** _weak_** ," he growled out unevenly, absolutely hating to say it. "And that led to...because I couldn't **handle it.** "

 

    "...It does hurt. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot. It...it's fucking horrible. ...But... I think it's clear by this point that I can see past all that shit and into what you really are, or I wouldn't even _be_ here, would I?"

 

    Or were you just that dumb? Or had some weird, unhealthy obsession over him that couldn't be broken? ... _That's_ a scary thought. One you mulled over quickly, deciding that it wasn't that black and white. Not at all. You loved him. That was a thing. That was what got you through shit. The power of love. ...The question was, _should_ you love him?

 

    ...That also wasn't black and white. _You_ thought he was deserving of it, from how fucking hard he tried for your sake. Obviously, if something catastrophic like _that_ happened again, the answer would be no. You knew where the ultimate line was, and it was him ever doing something like that again of his own volition. ...But you truly didn't think he would. Like you said, you wouldn't _be_ here if you didn't believe that.

 

    Even if it came in waves. Even if the dark trauma of it got in the way sometimes. Which was why _talking_ was _so_ important.

 

    "I don't believe you..." He murmured in disbelief, and you couldn't tell if he didn't believe you, or if he couldn't believe that you would _forgive_ _him_. "I can't believe you're _that_..." His eyes searched around, he couldn't find the word.

 

    He didn't need to.

 

    "I am what I am, I guess. I'm not perfect, though, as you can see, even I get... _episodes_. Where it's hard. But that's why talking is important. I feel like if we talk all this shit out, that kind of shit doesn't have to happen."

 

    He stared at you in mildly aggravated disbelief. ...Then shoved air out of his throat so harshly it was like said air had offended him, to the point that his vocal cords had an ' _arrgh!_ ' It was a display of copious general aggravation and disgruntlement. Then he just looked _disgruntled_. Settled into it like it was his home. Maybe it was.

 

    ...

 

    "...Sooo..."

 

    He looked at you in his disgruntlement, and it was clear you had his attention, and that he was maybe on board with you for this, albeit begrudgingly.

 

    "Do youuu...wannaaa...talk?"

 

    You tilted your head at him in a hopeful manner, and he let your connected hands drop, no longer bothering to hold them up. He even shifted to make the position more comfortable, and now you were properly holding hands with him, eeeeeEEE- easy. ...It was just something about the fucking hand holding with him that was magical. Like the magic was coming _back_ now that **shit** was done and over with. He huffed one more time for good measure, before getting around to, you know, talking to you.

 

    "That...when I scared you recently..." His fingers twitched against yours. "It was...born out of the _opposite_ of that _other_ time. It was...I couldn't hold back how I-..." He searched your face, apprehensive.

 

    "You can tell me anything. I can't guarantee my reaction will be flowers and sunshine, but I can at least say it's confirmed by this point that I'm not going to hate you."

 

    It was like that cracked down the dam.

 

    "I couldn't take how much I..." He started in a whisper.  ** _"_** _ **Wanted you."**_ _Then it was very much not a whisper_. " **I-** " He looked like he desperately needed to tell you something, but the words were hard, or he was still afraid of them, or how you would react to them. "I **need** you." He yanked you closer by your interlocked hands, and you weren't sure if it was on purpose or a subconscious response his body just made for him. "You don't understand how much-"

 

    He was worked up, a little bit frenzied again, and you saw the underlying desperation in it now. Actually, maybe he just looked _desperate_ -

 

    "How much I-... How much it-!" He breathed heavy, wound up, tried to find words, tried to find a way to convey to you what he meant. Then he moved your hand to press it over his heart. "Give me access," he practically commanded.

 

    You were trying to keep up with what he'd already told you.

 

    "UuUhH?" You asked.

 

    "I can **show you.** "

 

    He had full confidence and it was drenched in finality. ...You were...scared. A little. Of what you would find out. But you trusted him. He wouldn't do this if it was going to hurt you in some big way. It was just to... _understand_. And _oh_ did you want to understand...!

 

    "Yes...! Wait, that was a weird answer in context, I mean-...was it? I mean, _go ahead_."

 

    You scrunched your eyes shut, braced everything you had fiercely, braved up, faced it, focused on the connection.

 

( _s h i f t_ )

 

    _Swoosh~_

 

    ...

 

    It was like...you were somewhere else. Familiar. Warm. ...Floating...??? You went to crack your eyes open, for some reason the Destati of Heart Stations playing in your head (or was it bouncing around in your heart...? Were they the same?) You had such a distinct vibe of _that_ _kind of feeling_ that your head ( _heart...?_ ) decided to remind you vividly of the theme. The one that was already etched into your brain as Station of Awakening time.

 

    But you barely got a bleary blink in before you were _flooded_ with-!

 

    You gasped.

 

    . . .

 

    It was like you _were_ _Vanitas_. _Experienced what-..._

 

    ...

 

    Everything shifted again.

 

    You gasp and sputtered, breathed, disbelief, what the _fuck_ , how did he, he- ...

 

    _Showed you_.

 

    _Exactly what it was_.

 

    Because you let him. Absolutely opened up everything and had no problem with letting him in that much, letting _yourself_ in _him_ that much, because everything was connected.

 

    ...One.

 

    Now, it felt like, more than ever before. And you had been so almost constantly _okay_ with that, with sharing hearts with him, that it came much more naturally, much more easily.

 

    But. That wasn't important now, because what he _showed you **holy shit!! ! ! !**_

 

    You stared at him, back outside of yourselves now, _wholly_ wide eyed, astonished, and every other word for astonished. ... _Staggering_. ... _WhAHT. ......Wow?_ Okay but.

 

    _That's_ what he-...

 

    Towards _you-_

 

    ... _Felt? FELT. BECAUSE BIGLY FELT HOLY SHIT WHATTHEFHUCDHFKLADHFJHASDF_.

 

    You fell over sideways, your hand forced to slip out of his from where it was still pressed to his heart. You were on fire. Sorry, that's a lie. You were _GOING UP IN FLAME_.

 

    That much-...That MuUuUUCH? Of- .......................

 

    You couldn't even describe-... Oh. No wonder _he_ couldn't. BUT WAIT, THAT'S- IT'S-

 

    Fire,fire,fire, everywhere, _oh_ you're on fiiIIIIRRRRREEEE. Heat. Flames.

 

    ...So _that's_ what he feels about you, _huh?!_ Gee, don't hold anything _bacK NOW. OH WAIT, HE DIDN'T._

 

    You let yourself be a blank sponge on the floor. You felt very sponge floppy. Except your sponge was different from his sponge. Your sponge was the 'I can't even' sponge of the state he always left you in when he threw shit like that at you. And it absorbed into you, stifling your 'how do I' rational functions. Except _this_ time didn't even _compare_. Not even _close_.

 

    You vaguely registered something poking you in the forehead annoyingly. It _was_ annoying, but you were too busy being 'I can't even' numbed out to bother to respond to or do anything about it.

 

    "Well?" You thought he said, smugly, from what was able to drift to you through your half functioning everything.

 

    You didn't have a response. Nothing. There was nothing. What did he want? What could he _possibly_ expect right now?

 

    "Mif?"

 

    "Give them a minute." Smug. Full of himself.

 

    ...

 

    It indeed took you a full minute. Maybe more. You couldn't tell, what with your time functiony being busted, BY HIM.

 

    Eventually, you sat up. Observed the scene of Vanitas and Sam both casual-ing on the floor. Sam lying down, looking at you now with perked ears and head, head also tilted at you very curiously. Vanitas, just...sitting. Super cas' sitting. Observing you. You saw that he was trying to keep the 'I'm so smug' off of his face, look _cas'_ , but it kept creeping back in.

 

    It was almost funny looking. ...It _was_ sort of funny, and you appreciated it. Would have probably laughed if you weren't so... _so_. ... _Burned out_ might be appropriate. In more ways than one. You went to talk, but your vocals just made a noise akin to an engine that couldn't start. Poor engine. Poor _you_. ...Was it poor you? Wait, how did you feel about this? ...You thought it was going to take a _lONG time_ to process... _all of it_.

 

    You tried speaking again. Failed. Kept trying to rev up the motor of your voice so it would go, until finally...!

 

    "plllllllaaannnnt."

 

    Got it. Nailed it.

 

    "There isss... _plant_ outside. We should...plant plant."

 

    You hobbled up into hobbling, and Vanitas was already standing with ease far before you got there. You hobbled over and leaned on him, because you could. Took a moment to re-center yourself, almost using him as some sort of guiding thing. Just general re-proper-positioning of your insides. ... ** _PHRASING_** _ **.**_ YoU mEANT, that, your emotions were fucked and having him so nearby helped for some reason. There.

 

    After awkwardly using him as a literal emotional (and literal) support pillar, you leaned off him and made your way to the backyard.

 

    "What plant?"

 

    He asked you as he followed you out. Sam came along as well, right behind him, looking happy to go outside and take a break from everything by rolling in grass. Which is exactly what they did.

 

    "I bought...plant." You answered him, going to stand before it and show it to him.

 

    He stared, and you could tell he was carefully 'not anything in particular' faced because he was trying to hide how underwhelmed and pathetic he most surely thought the poor thing was.

 

    "Listen. It was all I could afford. AND. That's not what matters. What _matters_ , is that we're going to give it a good home, take care of it. And it's gonna be big-...small stronk plant. Big small stronk plant."

 

    He looked passively okay with the idea, used to you doing stuff like this.

 

    "And..." You started to add, prepping for the emotional shit. "It's...like christening our new home. Together. ...It's ours."

 

    _Now_ he looked at you more intensely. You gulped, face already getting heated again, because much as you _try_ not to have it on the forefront of your mind, now you knew what could be lurking under his surface at any given time. ...Actually... It was odd to you that you never just _got_ some of that from him naturally before. Well, you got _some_ stuff, but not... _all that_. Maybe it was because he didn't _want_ you to find it, kept it carefully hidden away as best he could from that part of you. He _did_ seem rather hesitant about it before you encouraged him.

 

    He started moving around you to the plant, not breaking eye contact until he had to to see where he was stabbing Void Gear. Wait, what. You did a double take. He had indeed stabbed his keyblade into the ground, disrupting the dirt. Yanked it back out. _Ooooh_. Now you could plant it with no problem. ...You felt like you remembered wanting to ask him for help with this very type of thing once, _because_ he could do that.

 

    You didn't ask questions, didn't say anything, no words needed. You just sat down before the dirt and carefully planted plant. Plant...it needed a name. Maybe. You would ask him what he thought, because it was yours, as in, both of yours. You got excess dirt off your hands, then stood to look at properly planted plant. Bask in it.

 

    ...

 

    God, it really was small. But it was _there_ , and it was _cute_ , and it was everythinggoodand- Breath. Because of what it represented. It was special. Cherished. Beloved by you, because it represented your connection with your beloved. ... _God,_ this plant was gonna grow so big and small and strong from all the love you were sending it.

 

    Sam came over to bask in it too. You looked over to Vanitas basking in it. ...You could _tell_ he was underwhelmed by the plant, but he wasn't saying anything about it.

 

    "Should we name it?" You asked him. "We don't have to if you don't want to, because it's as much yours as mine now."

 

    He looked over to you too, still neutral looking. Then he looked you over, appraising, almost a harsh 'no way _you're_ -' kind of disbelief about his features.

 

    " _You_ don't want to name something?"

 

    "...Like I said, it's up to you."

 

    It was true. You had no problem with it, and he must have sensed that, because he had a relieved finality when he said,

 

    " _Then we're not naming it._ "

 

    He went to walk away to chair wall, and everything felt normal and peaceful again. ... You basked in it.

 

    ...

 

    "...Mipf," Sam lamented.

 

    They had wanted to name it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got pretty sick for a while and it sUcKeD. Which delayed this chapter getting written for longer than I wanted it to, but here it is, 
> 
> MEGA ULTRA SUPER LONG CHAPTER SUPER MEGA ULTRA LONG EDITION. (RECORD BREAKER, C-C-C-COMBO!)
> 
> ...
> 
> Mega.
> 
> ... (8,113 words, wtf)
> 
> Woo!
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


	76. Bright Love, Bright Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some talk of smut

    You gave Sam consolatory pets, leaned in to whisper to them secretly.

 

    "You can totally have your own secret name for it. It kind of belongs to all of us, so..."

 

    They looked at you with a rejuvenated twinkle in their eyes. You wink-wonked at them in your shared secret, then went over to chair wall with Vani, leaning against it next to him. You watched Sam curl around the tiny flower plant to give it love, and they could because it was just that small. Huh. That was an advantage, you supposed now, its small size. It fit better with Sam.

 

    You shifted a side glance to Vani, because you felt a little...well, you just felt _shy_. It was just straight up shy, because the ' **knowledge** ' you held now was...and it kept shoving its way to the forefront of your brain...which made sense 'cause you just learned about it...and it was...

 

    "Sooo..." You found yourself going to talk about it, because...well, BECAUSE. HOW DID YOU _NOT_ TALK ABOUT _THAT_ _?_ "That's um...that uuhhh...that's...something......that...we did..."

 

    You stared awkwardly at the ground in front of you, playing with your fingers. Felt his stare on the side of your face.

 

    "And you understand now?" He asked solemnly, like he was making doubly extra sure.

 

    "I......yes," you answered in a little voice. "But I'm...still processing...it's...a lot." Your speech may have been stilted, but so was your mind, overwhelmed with coming to grips with...HOO BOY ALL THAT.

 

    "You _do_ understand." He seemed contented and pleased by the fact.

 

    "I...dooo. It's...if..." God, wording was hard. You know, with _this new thing_ suddenly completely stuck in your brain and overwhelming it. "I don't... _mind_ it. Just maybe...be more...not so physically rough and maybe some forewarning would be nice." You got out there, words going out as soon as they were in your mind, completely honest and with no thinking over or filtering.

 

    Which meant... Ah. You found you _didn't_ mind it. It just... _flustered_ you beyond all belief. It was... _TOO_ flattering. Maybe a touch concerning. But you found you understood and didn't think it was a problem. ...You worried that was only because it was giving you a big head.

 

    "You know," you carried on, still not looking at him, because he was probably currently heat spearing you after what you just said. "I feel like...like I almost can't _match_ that. Like...I don't know, it's like you've out-...out- _somethinged_ me. ...It's...impressive." You really didn't know what to say in the face of _that_ powerful force. It almost made you feel inadequate. "Is it weird? That I'm...? That I don't _match_ that?"

 

    You finally looked at him. He looked interested in what you were saying, but he was making a face. One you had difficulty interpreting.

 

    "I thought you would think _I_ was weird."

 

    Oh. It was now so clearly his 'I'm having one of those moments where I think you're really weird' faces. Ah. Yes. Because he thought that you would have thought the opposite of what you think. But you thought what you thought. Which was...

 

    " _Really?_ I-...what-...am _I_ weird? Are...are we _both weird_ _?_ "

 

    You delighted in it a little bit, the situation made a bit lighter than the serious weight it felt like it was. Because maybe... _you were just both weird_. And that was okay. Because what was normal really? Normal was just whatever was normal for you. Because normal for you is normal for you is normal. ...Or maybe you were both crazy and you were trying to avoid thinking about that.

 

    Because you never thought about love as a force tHaT iNtEnSe AnD pOwErFuL. Well, you did, just not in... _that_ way. _His_ way. It was a little (a lot maybe) different than what you were used to. ...But that didn't mean bad or that either of you were crazy. ...JUST CRAZY IN LOVE, HA HA HA. ...aaahhh... Your brain was fried from it. That was the conclusion you came to.

 

    But you also thought of something else. Something to relate on, and you were going to ask anyway. Vanitas came out of reflecting on what you assumed was 'Are we both weird?' He scoffed.

 

    "Tch. Does it matter?" Said as though it most definitely did not.

 

    That was not what you were expecting. You were highly anticipating 'well, _you're_ definitely weird' or something some such similar.

 

    "...It doesn't. You're right."

 

    It was relieving to admit it out loud, let it go off of your back. And it was something you both agreed on. That helped. You both sort of basked in it for a moment. Then you spoke again.

 

    "Hey...I wanted to ask you something. I... Firstly, I feel like the most I can relate to your feeling is when I-"

 

    You really, genuinely thought you were going to be able to have a discussion about this casually. Didn't know why you felt like that. It was a bold moment for you. ...You know what, fuck it, you were in this.

 

    "You know when I...have...rarer...moments..." You looked at him to see if he could tell where you were going. He was watching you closely, but nothing in particular was on his face. Which made sense, you barely said anything. "Where I...ya know...I kind of...like when...SPARKLES! Like when SPARKLES!" That was it! Perfect! "I feel like when I have a 'sparkles' moment is when I relate the most to what you feel. In that... _department_."

 

    _Now_ , he got it. His face shifted into that 'I'm watching you even closer now, _doOo go on_ ' look of his. You went on.

 

    "I wanted to ask...if that...are those...are you... _into_ that? When I have ' _sparkles_ ' moments?"

 

    He took air in sharper than he probably meant to at the question. Drilled holes into you tensely. You fidgeted a bit under his...just under his. He dialed it back, seemed to have an answer, much more casual now. There was a heavy silence. You tried not to cough awkwardly.

 

    "...Yes," he finally admitted to you, looking you in the eye as he said it, 99% confident about telling you the truth.

 

    You thought the other 1% was a bit of hesitation, _almost_ a sort-of-kind-of shyness from him. Maybe you were imagining that. Maybe that was the part of him remembering how even _he_ got flustered that one time. Or twice now maybe...or... Your mind got distracted thinking about _adding_ to that number, and trying to count all the other times you saw his face when he was  ** _in it._**

 

 _Okay_ , easy. You felt like you just couldn't fucking control yourself around him. Maybe that _feeling_ of his rubbed off on you. ...Added to the fact that you were just like that by default when it came to him.

 

    But you were just having a nice, casual chat right now. Talking about things. Just a real ass, nice ass, casual talk ass...talk. ...About ASS, er-. Things that sometimes involved ass. ...Just talkin' about sex and preferences, a good talk to have, that was all that was happening- aaaaand you're talking about sex with him. Ah. There was your problem. You figured it out. The source of your- NOThing, because this was just a good talk. About important sex. ...Wait. ...Yes, important sex.

 

    "d-d'eh," you sputtered, coming back out to reality land from being down deep in your own mind-y-holes. He was staring at you closely, in an almost impatient way, that led you to believe he said something that you missed. "Uh, sorry, what? I zoned out."

 

    "I didn't say anything." Yet he seemed smug about having not said anything.

 

    You felt tricked. Had. He had you. He totally knew what you had been thinking about. ...Well, that _was_ where the conversation was, so...speaking of...

 

    "Uh...while we're on the topic, I uh...I wanted to, just, in general, ask. ...About... _things_."

 

    OoOH n _NOH_. That was his sinister internal _purr_ face. Which was just external, actually, now that you looked at it. It was _both_. He was _bothing_. _OoOH GOD, HELP YOU._

 

    "I would _looove_ to talk about that. I have _a lot to say_." He _fucking purred sensually, simultaneously a confident promise and threat._

 

    Fucking.

 

 

 

    Dead. Was you. He had to fucking say _that_ with _that_ tone, all 'oh, let me be completely 'I know how I affect you and I'm doing it 1,000,000,000% on purpose. I'd ask how it's working, but I know how it's working.' ' ...Fffucking-... Well, he-... You know, great. He's on board for a nice talk. That's nice. Grand. Spiffy. The bee's knees, that is.

 

    "You-... Great, let's talk about it. I-...uh...okay, so look. What...like... _does it_ for you? Because _I've_ never asked _you_ , and that seems unfair. Allow me to... _ahem_. 'Rock your world,' as you do mine. I uh, oh god." You hid your face in your hands, suddenly realizing what you said and reaching your current limit because of it.

 

    "You want to know what I want you to do to me?"

 

    You know, you didn't think he was capable of talking about stuff like this without it sounding like an immediate promise of sorts. Just a _kind of tone_ he took that sounded like it held certain things in store and that they were either _going_ to happen, or were already _happening_. And he had to deliver the existence of said _'_ _promised things_ _'_ in a way that sounded somehow both horny _and_ sensually in control. It drove you fuckin' nuts, what he could convey with so little. It really was impressive. How diverse his voice is.

 

    You were frozen in place, hands still over your face. You kind of wanted to ask specifically about the gentleness factor, but you didn't have the time to work up the balls before he was talking again.

 

    "I don't think there's anything you could do to me that _wouldn't_ get me off."

 

    ...

 

    ...He had to phrase it l _Ike tHAT-?_ That was it for you.

 

    Mayday.

 

    Mayday.

 

    Mayday.

 

    Fire.

 

    Havoc.

 

    Chaos.

 

    Wreck.

 

    Oh god.

 

    Control panels are down, systems failing-

 

    You half collapsed onto the wall, just to lean all your weight against it so you didn't fall over completely.

 

    ...

 

    Then a spark of something entered your brain.

 

    "W-wait...you..."

 

    You took your head off the wall just enough to look at him. Which wasn't hard, because his entire body language had cocked to be leaned over toward the side with you, so he could watch, and he wasn't shy about it. At all. Had a look you were very familiar with. 'Ah yes, go on, I am observing this closely and find it very interesting and generally amusing.' ...fffuckin'grumblemumble.

 

    "You...confess...to the fact that......so like...the super gentle, caring shit that I'm prone to _does indeed do it for you?_ "

 

    You were slowly realizing and becoming elated by the revelation. Leaned off the wall more, getting your spark and strength back. He looked like he wished he had eaten certain words before they were fully out of him, because now he was dealing with facing cold, hard facts about himself that he didn't look sure if he was ready to commit to. Generally tense, carefully neutral look all of a sudden.

 

    Oh yes. You got him.

 

    It sparked zeal in you.

 

    "I'm gonna be so _fuckin'_ gentle with you, holy shit, you're not even gonna believe how gentle and caring I can be, holy fuck, I'm gonna treat you like the royal king you deserve to be treated as."

 

    It slowly trickled into his brain, what you said. You watched it register in real time. The way his eyebrows and frown shifted, realization dawning, rejection of said realization, are you sure you want to reject-? yes. ...Not sure.

 

    It was fascinating to watch.

 

    "You know, it's okay to get off to shit. Wait, bad phrasing, really bad phrasing, uh. It's okay to get off to _stuff_. In general. General stuff getting off to. ...ness."

 

    He had a hard stare. It looked like his brain was churning out a lot of different stuff at him. Then he looked conflicted. You wished you could help out, but this seemed to be an 'all him' thing that he needed to get through himself. Didn't mean you couldn't be generally supportive. Here you are. Being supportive. _Overflowing_ with support.

 

    "I, just so you know, I generally support you and your endeavors. I might lecture you when you get _too_ widespread destructiony, but I'm 100% behind you as a person. You're awesome. So don't let yourself get in the way if one of your desired endeavors turns out to be being fucked gently. I'm just saying. I'm _100%_ on board with fucking you gently- oh god, how did I even say that?"

 

    You had to take a second to not let the fire spreading across your face distract you. It was true you wanted to fuck him, gently, and other ways as well. General fucking, and that was okay, and you were not going to let your flusterations over it get in the way of your point. This point was important.

 

    " _Aheh_ ," you cleared your throat. "I'm saying, if that's what you're into, go for it full force. No shame, man. And if that's _not_ what you're into, _not_ go full force for it. _Un_ -full-force it, force _away_ from it. Because what each person wants is okay and valid, and understanding and compromise can be achieved. In general. Not even just about sex. Although if there's something you are  _definitely_ _not_ comfortable with, never feel pressured to do it. Okay, I'm done with PSA, just wanted to say nice, supportive things, I'll stop now." You leaned back against the wall casually, looking out at the landscape. "...Itisalltruethough," you added, because it was.

 

    You gave him time to 'him,' to just  _be_ , uninterrupted, a chance to sort through stuff, take a load off, whatever he needed. Watched the tree line in the distance. Looked over to Sam. Awwwww~, they were curled around the flower still, but now they were sleeping and it was so cute. Your entire being swelled with cuteness watching them. After that, you took the time to admire the tiny barely starting to bloom flower buds on Plant. Unnamed plant. The plant. ...Plant.

 

    You looked back over to him. He was staring straight ahead off into the distance, leaning back against Wall now as well. ...It really was weirdly comfortable. Maybe because this whole place felt like a safe haven. ...A... _sanctuary_ , you might say. ...Oh my god, you were each other's s _aANCTUARIES, YOU WERE LITERALLY THE SONG,_ _FUCK._ But good fuck. Very good, goodly fuck.

 

    Vani was back to his version of resting face, his normal ass, normaling face. It was a relief. He seemed to have come to some conclusion and made peace with...whatever it was.

 

    "You..." He looked at you, trying to word. You understood the feeling. "You want to fuck me." It was said as a statement, like he just wanted to say it. Or maybe he was looking for confirmation, or...or he was trying to fluster you, or...

 

    "Uh...yes?" You responded, because you weren't really sure what he was looking for. "I thought...that was obvious?"

 

    He 'hm'ed to himself thoughtfully, looking back away. You blinked, a little confused, trying to get a read on him.

 

    "...Fine." He agreed, leaving the Wall to go back inside.

 

    Uh? You weren't entirely sure what he was agreeing to- wait.

 

    "Wait. Are you saying..." You followed him. "You want me to _gentle_ you?"

 

    "I already said, didn't I?" He sounded peeved he had to admit it again.

 

    "Wait...do you mean... _right now?_ "

 

    Because you were both back inside now and why were you suddenly both back inside now. He stopped to give you a bit of a glare. He seemed ruffled grumpled. Ruffled peacock of grump. He didn't say anything, so apparently his look was supposed to convey all. ...So you assumed he meant ' _yes, now,_ ' because he said 'fine,' as he tends to do in that way when he's immediately vaguely agreeing to something, and he made a point to go inside, and...

 

    Oh. _Right now_. You had to stop to think. Because you just came off of _a lot_. Wouldn't it feel/be weird to want to immediately do something like that again? ...Except it wasn't, because here you were. You wanted to _gentle love the fuck out of him. You were gonna say such loving things to him as you grabbed his cock._ And you would be able to. Because loving things felt like loving things instead of dirty things.

 

    Holy shit.

 

    You figured it out. That was your _love language_. Saying loving things. Which was why you could do it _while fucking him._ YOU WERE SO EXCITED TO MAKE HIM CUM WITH THE POWER OF LOVE. HOLY FUCK, THIS WAS GONNA BE AWESOME. You looked back at him, and you _felt_ what you _felt_ showing on your face. That you were excited to love him.

 

    He was glaring at you harder now, and it was _very_ clearly to cover up the fact that he was actually getting a bit flustered. Just from _thinking_ about what you were going to do to him. Oh, you understood the feeling well. It was a bit power-drunkening whenever the roles got reversed like this.

 

    "I. Am going to gentle love you so _fucking_ _hard_. I am going to make hot, slow, passionate love to you. I am going to lie you down gently in your own bed and give you all the sweet, gentle attention you deserve. I am going to tell you how much I love you and say super loving things to you while I gently stroke your cock and run my hands all over the rest of you."

 

    You could have absolutely _sworn_ your face was _literally_ on fire, but you persevered through all of it genuinely, pure determination fueling you. There was a lot going on on _his_ face too. He looked _baffled_ you were able to say all that to him (fuck yeah, love language, baby (you were starting to assume his was the dirtier variety (and you know what, fuck yeah to that too))), and also like he was just straight up awkwardly trying to hide the fact that he had a massive hard-on.

 

    Because he was trying so hard to cover up the fact that he was turned on and even _fllllUS.tered._ You drank that shit in like it was nectar. Along with the fact that he _was actually red-faced_. _Fully. HIM._ It was so fucking rare, and you weren't sure you had ever seen him _this_ in it. Without a word, you understandingly, _gently_ , treating him like he was precious, because he was, took his hand and led him to his bedroom.

 

    It took a sec, because you _were_ being gentle, so you weren't going to tug when he didn't immediately follow. After a moment where he stared hard at your hand, then at you, his feet seemed to follow automatically, like he was in a trance. It _was_ like he was in a trance, the way he was staring at you like you were some magical being and he was almost in awe.

 

    It reminded you of that time he held up your picture to stare at it in a similar way. It...it almost broke your heart for some reason. ...Must be because being treated nicely should _never_ be some precious rarity.

 

    You were going to make sure it _wasn't_ anymore for him.

 

    **He couldn't fight it off or help it anymore when he let it show what he actually thought of them.**

 

**That they were his _salvation_ _._**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know.  
> This whole time.  
> I've been writing Vanitas like he has gloves he DOESN'T HAVE. OOPS. I went over some cutscenes and battle refs of him recently and...his gloves are not what I thought they were.  
> ...OOOOOOPPSS. Except I like my headcanon for his gloves (which is that they have the same grooves as his suit). But I also really like the canon design now that I've STARED at it in 'oops' enough. So I'm torn between the two. I think from now on I'll just keep the descriptions of them vague, so it could go either way in my head depending on how I'm feeling XD Canon smoothy-smooth (mostly, I saw that diamond material texture devs, nice touch, good attention to detail) is growing on me rapidly, but I'm already so attached to what I THOUGHT they were.
> 
> So. Yeah. There's that. Anyone else have that? Thinking erroneously of a certain aspect of character design? Can we all blame the...ahem...OUTDATED graphics on the PSP for being our first exposure to them? Wow, those pixels and polygons though. ...You could totally have that problem even if your first exposure wasn't on the PSP, though. Guess it's just a thing. Ah, being human. Lovely. Glorious. Grand.
> 
> ...GROOVY, LIKE VANITAS' SUIT. OKAY I'M DONE, BYE, PUNS ARE GREAT


	77. Loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some smut  
> Not smut  
> SMUT.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> Panic attacks

    This was your time to shine. As soon as you got him in the room, turned a light on (because of course of had them off) so you could see, closed the door, you kissed him. Softly, sweetly. You were impatient to make patient love to him. You were going to love him up so gentle and good and long that he was going to be a fucking mess. _Fuck yes_.

 

    His lips parted in offering, and the way he kissed back was more fervent than your own tender, caring kisses. But you could tell he was holding himself back just so you could do your thing. You parted from his lips, nuzzling his nose before drawing away, taking his hand again to lead him all the way to his bed, giving him a soft look that showed how much you loved him.

 

    He followed, still in an almost amazed trance-like state. You were nearly concerned that his brain stopped working. ...But you knew the feeling. Kind of, at least, since you weren't sure _exactly_ what he was going through. It looked more pleasant than anything else, so you figured all was good. You were going to make it _very_ good. You patted the bed.

 

    "Get comfy," you offered, friendly, pleasant.

 

    He sat on the bed, looking up at you with...well, his face was torn between two very distinct things. Glare, and looking at you as if you were an angel. It was... _something_ , to watch the way his face couldn't seem to decide what to settle on, with whatever was going on inside his mind. It distracted you for a bit, and you realized you were looking at him with your head tilted, eyebrows pinched in trying to figure him out. Much like his brain was trying to figure something out, and just couldn't quite settle.

 

    That was okay, you were just going to get back to love fucking him now. You nuzzled your whole face into his hair, because you fucking could, and you wanted to, felt like it. Felt like somehow just generally nuzzling him lovingly until he came. If that made sense. Didn't need to make sense, you were loving. Very lovey-lovey loving full of love. ... _Fuck yeah, LOVE_.

 

    You lightly tugged on his ear playfully with your lips, on your way down to his neck, where you continued to press smooches into his not skin, but actually kind of skin, and nuzzle. You knew he was feeling it as much as if he had it off, had that knowledge now, so you had no problem either way, with or without it (wouldn't have had a problem with it even if you didn't know, though you would have suggested he take it off). Whatever he was comfortable with, that was all that mattered.

 

    You heard his breath pick up, and you were rather surprised when he _shuddered_. Just from the care you had already given him. Though... You pulled back, just to check that it was a _good_ shudder. _Oh_ \- it was gone the second he realized you were looking, replaced with the stiffness of expression hiding. But that one second...he looked straight up flustered and in it, red on his face and all. _Holllllyyyyy_ \- But now he looked tense he'd been caught. Maybe even a bit awkward.

 

    "You can let yourself go. It's okay." You reassured him, pressing your foreheads together, eyes closing so he wouldn't have the pressure of you watching him.

 

    He made a sort of 'gh' sound of overwhelmed, and frustration. You pulled back to give him space, because maybe it was too much. You looked at him in concern.

 

    "I...it's..." He almost seemed _afraid_ , and your heart _fucking broke_.

 

    Your face scrunched up in it, and you hugged him to you without thinking.

 

    "I'm sorry, I didn't think- I-I-" You were ushering out an apology, trying to find the right words to make everything better.

 

    He shoved you away from him, and you were surprised and a little taken off guard at the sudden force coming off of such _not_ sudden force. But that wasn't abnormal for him when he needed space, so you weren't bothered by it. What you _were_ bothered by, was trying to figure out why he seemed to currently be pissed and frustrated at you.

 

    "I'm sorry, what did I do wrong?" You earnestly apologized, trying to figure out exactly what it was so you didn't do it again.

 

    "D-don't..." You didn't usually see him stutter. That was usually reserved for you. " _Stop_ , you _idiot_."

 

    Wait, stop, or don't stop?

 

    "Wait, stop, or don't stop?"

 

    " ** _Don't_** ," he kind of snarled out at you, and you were surprised by the ferocity.

 

    Apparently he didn't know how to deal with what he was currently feeling and wanting, so he was trying to blast through it with force. ...You mean, hey, whatever worked. It was very _him_.

 

    "Uh, o-okay, here I go, not stopping," you forewarned him, just to be absolutely sure.

 

    You went back to holding him to you, fully climbing up onto the bed to place yourself onto his lap, legs on either side of him, torsos close. You just hugged him for a bit, and he seemed calmed, so everything was good. You went for another kiss, hands gently but thoroughly carded into his hair. His kiss back was almost hesitant, or maybe just slowed in self-control, or maybe he was just overwhelmed and taking it easy. Whatever it was, you just moved your lips with his, enjoying the contact.

 

    It was always so fuckin' nice, the unrushed kisses where you just felt each other's lips. After a good fill of it, you found you were getting impatient. Or maybe he was and it was spreading to you. Or both. Because you felt like he was getting impatient, for whatever reason, and you found you couldn't blame him at all. After all, you knew the feeling.

 

    So you asked for something, finishing off the kiss.

 

    "Do you mind taking this off?"

 

    You were genuinely asking, not requesting, referring to his suit with a tap of your finger. ...Oh. There it went. ...Okay then. He was still calmed, so you figured everything was good to go. 100%. Here you go. You climbed back off of him, and he watched you go with a very sad ' _where the fuck are you going?_ ' look on his face.

 

    "Uh, if you don't mind, I figured you might like to lie down, get more comfortable, ya know?"

 

    He immediately slammed himself down onto his back on the bed, to the point that it was comedic, and you _KNEW_ it wasn't supposed to be, but- phfft. You held in laughter like your life depended on it, not dare risking him thinking you were laughing at him right now. Luckily, it took him an extra moment before his attention was back on you, because he shifted so he was properly fully on the bed.

 

    It gave you enough time to kick yourself in the brain about how terrible it would seem to him if he saw you laughing right now, and that sobered it right off your face. When his attention was back on you (impatient, come on, hurry up (I need you)), there was no trace of it left. All that taken care of, and with things to come, you let your sight wonder fully to- oh.

 

    ...Holy _fuck_ , did he get off to you gentle-ing. You figured it was the loving neck attention, when he got all floost. Because that was a MASSIVE, HOT, HARD COCK, BABY. HELLO. YOU ARE OVERLY PLEASED TO MEET. You blinked, taking a second to yourself to remember what you were doing so you didn't just- you know what, he wanted it, and you were going to give it. _**LOVINGLY**_ **.**

 

    You crawled on up over him, hovering, admiring the view for a second, trying to decide what you wanted to do. ...You settled on 'everything.' You ran your fingertips down the center of his torso, not used to the way he shivered in response. It got you to look at his face curiously, to find he was staring down at where you had ran your fingers, like he couldn't believe it either and was glaring 'what the fuck' at his own body.

 

    Something exploded in your brain. Just a general explosion. At realizing again just how _much_ he was-...oh, he was _INIT_. You didn't waste any time, fucking _giddy_ all of a sudden. You went down to his neck to give it big smooch attention, while idly running your hands and fingers around his sides and front. You avoided his nipples. Oh, you had _plans_ for those. _Internal evil cackles_.

 

    His breathing picked up again, and after a while of your unrushed loving attention (you had made a trail along his shoulders and collarbones with your mouth by this point), he made a loud grunt that sounded just straight up sexually frustrated. You stopped, raised back up over him to check on him. Tilted your head curiously in question, in case he wanted something (you could guess).

 

    He looked... _affected_. But in that way where he tried his _damnedest_ to glare at you through it, to cover it up, even though he was failing and his general face area and then some was red. It was......so

 

_FFFFFUCKING CUTE._

 

_HOLY SHIT._

 

    You made a strangled noise in your throat, trying to contain it, but you didn't hAVe to conTAIN IT-

 

    "Holy fuck, you're so cute. Have I ever told you how fucking cute you are and how I can't fucking take it?" You decided now would be a grand time to enact the idea of gently rubbing his nipples between your fingers. You know, while you were _waTCHING AND HE WAS ALREADY IN IT_ \- So you did. **_There_** _was a reaction that couldn't be hidden_.

 

    A sound from him you would describe as 'gyarck' happened, and his face _clearly_ reflected it and how his body was responding to you. You watched his hips jerk in involuntary 'fuck me' motion, watched the way it made his cock do a little bounce, _literally watched a fresh wave of precum slip out his_ -

 

    ...You blacked out a second, but you were back. Back to watching him be a fucking mess and trying not to be but failing because he was so worked up and you were giving his nips gentle but firm attention with your fingers- mmmMMMMMFF. lllL _LOOK.AT.HIM_. _LISTEN TO THE LITTLE NOISES HE CAN'T HELP- g-gYUGH_. ...You were starting to understand why he was so insistent on doing this to _you_. Understanding in a much deeper way that you didn't have before. You told him how beautiful he was like this.

 

    "You're so fucking gorgeous like this. I mean, you're gorgeous in general, at all times, but..."

 

    You were going to go on, but were distracted by something a smidge high-pitched from his throat that sounded 'ssSSH'y, and you thought he might be trying to get a 'shut up' out. ...He didn't manage, so you went on, telling his absolutely gorgeous and almost completely given in to you with the last vestiges of a glare face exactly what he deserved.

 

    "You deserve so much..." You had stopped what you were doing with your hands, focusing fully on this, told it to him with almost cruel levels of earnest truth and genuine love. "You deserve to have everything."

 

    His face was stuck in baffle-affected, almost staring at you in disbelief. What? You were just telling him the truth.

 

    "What? I'm just telling you the truth."

 

    His face scrunched up in a lot of different things, and instead of trying to pick out each one, you just leaned down and gave him the most lovingest of kisses to the forehead. Then pressed yours into his, eyes closed so he didn't have to worry about being seen in the state he was in anymore than he already had.

 

    "Are you okay?" You asked, really trying to make sure he was okay before moving on.

 

    Then the _big FUCKING **OUCHIES**_ exploding into your chest from his, wounding you. You made a pained noise, drawing away from him to give you both distance.

 

    "S-sorry," you got out through the pain, because you knew you caused it.

 

    Then you focused in on shutting out what you could so you could focus in on him and try to help. Oh god, he looked like he was having a panic attack or something- you were panicking over it- oh god- think- how to help- why is-

 

    Barking from the distance drew closer until it reached outside the door, and you received a heart care package in the form of badass knight in shining armor Sam. It focused you enough to help Vanitas, which you were sure was the intent.

 

    "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay to freak out, it's just okay in general, just breath. I'm here, Sam's here, it's okay, it's going to be okay."

 

    The words were meant entirely to sooth him, but they helped you too. He seemed to be just straight panicking for some reason, breathing erratic and quick, eyes wide and unfocused.

 

    Wait.

 

    No, Luxu had caused those, those were over. ... ** _They better be_.** **You would beat the fuck out of whatever caused this if that wasn't the case** **.** A deep, protective power surged from deep within you. Anyone who messes with Vanitas was going to _**regret it**_ **.**

 

    ...Woah. Okay. Dark thoughts of revenge against things that didn't even exist wasn't helping right now. ...That was weird. But there wasn't time to internally reflect right now, you needed to externally help Vani. For some reason, you thought running your hand through his hair would be soothing to him and help. It had worked in the past, you hoped to God it would work now.

 

    So you did it. Tried to carefully send soothing vibes his way, trying to get through the scary stuff emanating from him in the connection. Sam was your back up, making you a two man team, connected in your efforts, even through the door. It was like Sam was balancing him _through_ you. Which you didn't question how the fuck. Because heart magic, and as long as it worked.

 

    It wasn't _comfortable_ or _pleasant_ , but you powered through for Vani. Whatever he needed. Anything for him.

 

    You realized you were internally exhausted from it as it all tapered off, everything having gotten better, your hand still going through his hair. You realized he was looking at you, seemed fine now. But it was a sort of pointed look. Like he had something very specifically to say to you, or thought about you.

 

    "You." He said pointedly, like an accusation.

 

    He sat straight up, and your hand went with him, still in his hair. You removed it, figured now was the time. He stared you down, now on equal levels, both of you sitting on the bed. You slowly shrank in on yourself and away from him, feeling like you were about to be lectured for some reason. Just the kind of vibe you got.

 

    "..."

 

    "..."

 

    Silence. Staring. ...Awkward...

 

    He sighed finally, looking away from you, to the door where he probably sensed Sam. Didn't make any other movement to do anything else. You heard a 'miff.' through the door. Maybe they were communicating. ... _Cute_. Agh, focus.

 

    "Are you...okay?" You asked almost hesitantly, predicting a glare to soon be upon your person at the question.

 

    He just looked back at you normally, no glare. It was... _bizarre_ how normal he was now. He sigh-scoffed, looking away again.

 

    "...Fine."

 

    You assumed to be the short version of 'I'm fine.'

 

    "...G-good! I'm glad!"

 

    You were. But it was also weirdly awkward now. More silence.

 

    ...

 

    'Miff.' again. They were saying they were leaving you two alone again for now. ...That was a lot to get from 'miff.' Sam was amazing and magic. You thought you should also say something.

 

    "Do you...what do you wanna do?"

 

    Because he seemed to be in thinking mode, probably going over what happened, and you wanted to see where he was and where he wanted to go. Be left alone? Do something else? Talk about it, even? Whatever he needed. Especially after going through something like that. _During that_. You realized you had done the same sort of thing once, though for probably vastly different reasons.

 

**He freaked out.**

 

**He thought he was used to them being that way by now, but with what they did to him, and what they _said_ to him, so... _them_. They had to be so _them_ , completely telling him the truth from their heart.**

 

**Something about it broke a deep, scared part of him. And he freaked out.**

 

**The contrast was too much. He suddenly remembered every time he was told the _opposite_ of those things they said, but they said them with a kind of deep truth he couldn't deny.**

 

**(He's an abomination.)**

 

 **'** You're not an abomination! At all! **'**

 

**He freaked out.**

 

**That was it.**

 

**That was all.**

 

**He didn't know how to describe it any other way. It wasn't the first time he panicked when they said nice things to him. But now it was so different. Much more deeply rooted in him. Shoving through all the bad to try to replace it.**

 

**...**

 

**That was it. What caused it. ...At least he figured it out. Now he didn't know how to move on from this. The air was stiff with tension, awkward, and he didn't know what to do about it. He stared ahead of himself, feeling stuck.**

 

**...**

 

 **"** Do you...what do you wanna do? **"**

 

**_What did he want to do?_ It was a good question. That he wasn't sure of the answer to. ...He thought maybe shoving the same kind of honesty they gave him back at them would at least move things along.**

 

    "...You scared me again." He said in a weirdly light way given the actual words. Like he had fully accepted it and already moved on from it.

 

    You were taken a little aback by the sudden straight honesty from him. ...But that was good. If he wanted to talk about it, you were fully okay with that. It was a good sign that he was learning it was okay to talk and say things about how he _actually_ felt.

 

    ...Wait.

 

    Your brain ran circles around what he said, desperately trying to figure it out. ...Your mind made a bunch of noise in its desperation, and none of it helped you narrow anything down. You knew 'again' must have been referring to what he recently told you about how he feared you and that-..caused certain things, but how did that relate _exactly_ to this? What did you do, what _exactly_ was- _what exactly?_

 

    Something lightly flicked your forehead, enough to get your attention, but not enough to be painful. You focused in on it, watching his hand draw away from you.

 

    "Don't think about it _that_ hard. You'll hurt yourself."

 

    You blinked at him.

 

    "But I-... _What?_ "

 

    You just straight up asked him to explain. Maybe he actually would.

 

    "You know it freaks me out when you're too nice. ...It's your fault, being that nice is unnatural. You're like-..." He didn't finish.

 

    ...Wait. _OH._ _Of course!_ That was it! He meant scared as in when he panicked from you being overly nice to him. Like that time he literally hit you with fire. He meant like _that_. ...Oh. He meant like that. ...Now your heart just hurt on its own for him. He gave you a knowing, annoyed _look_. Like he knew. ...Oh, he probably did.

 

    "Uh...thanks for not blasting me in the face with fire anymore." You half joked to lighten the mood, half genuinely thanked him.

 

    He mildly scoffed in acknowledgement. ...Quiet again. But it was lighter now, things acknowledged and taken care of.

 

    "If it's any consolation, I guess we're even now."

 

    You offered. He gave you a bit of a questioning look. Then he clearly remembered and knew what you meant before you even went to explain. It didn't seem like it made him happy. Okay, what else can you offer? Maybe just casual chat. You thought of conversation topics, 'how'd you do that thing with the darkness eye cover-y', 'what do you actually do when you're not around?', but he suddenly sat stiff straight up.

 

    Looked like he realized or remembered something of great importance. Stared at you intensely. You blinked, curiously. Head tilt, curious. Look, curious. All the curious you sent him.

 

    "I forgot."

 

    Then he was dumping things onto your lap. You stared at them intensely at their sudden 'there'ness. You recognized the glitter bottle, what...? That looks like a photo. You turned it over- _uk_. ...............Face. Heat. Was you. ... _That_ picture. The-... _one he clearly 'made' for you_. Right. ...Here it is now. Along with the glitter. ...You assumed they were yours so he was giving them to you. Better check. You slowly turned the picture back over, trying to gain composure.

 

    "...u...h.... Are these? ...Mine??" Your voice went up an octave in the grand question.

 

    "Of course, idiot." Quick response, like it was obvious.

 

    "......o-...o-oOoHh."

 

    You put them both away in your stock before you could forget. ... _WHELL_. Now you had _THAT_ to look at whenever you so pleased/felt like it. ... _Okay_. You mean, you certainly weren't _complaining_. Oh no. Not at all. You rather... _liked_ having it. ...Hee, hyee, HEH. Okay, calm down, internal leer. Geez. ...Sheesh. ...What were you talking about?

 

    "What were we talking about?"

 

    You felt like your brain reset and you forgot. He raised an eyebrow at you, now sitting cas' comf with a knee up and an arm resting on said knee, chin resting on a fisted hand from said arm.

 

    "Nothing."

 

    "...Oh. ...wwwWAIT, I HAVE QUESTIONS. What do you actually _do_ when you're not around? Like, do you just go off and beat up trees?"

 

    He blinked, taking the question in. Then shrugged noncommittally, in a 'yeah, pretty much' way.

 

    "...R-... _really?_ "

 

    "I have to train."

 

    ... _Oooh._ Of course. That made sense.

 

    "Right. You're ripped. That makes sense."

 

    He made a bit of a face at the word 'ripped,' like it wasn't his preferred.

 

    "Uh...toned swoll buff?"

 

    Eye narrow at you. Eye _roll_ at you. Okay then.

 

    "Sorry, but you're buff. Would you rather I not acknowledge your buffness?-Shit, wait...am I being too nice? You said I was being too nice. Should I not be nice? ...UHUH," you panicked, trying to come up with 'not niceness.' "YoU'Re, faCE is-... I can't, I'm sorry." He looked so intrigued to see where you were going to go, then glared at you as if you were a let down. "I'M SORRY I'M NICE, OKAY?!"

 

    The glare stayed, unwavered, for a second, then-

 

    "Phff-"

 

    He turned away, hiding the amused smile you had already seen forming behind his hand. ...He had been joking arOUND WITH YOU- HRRRMMMMM- _your heart...!_ You had a heart attack of cuteness and happiness, fuck this guy, he was going to k _ill you with pleasantness_. ... _Hyrh_... ...Okay, you're okay-

 

    "You said you had 'lots.'" ...Eh? Your blank look spurred him to continue. "Of worlds. To show me."

 

    The gears turned in your head. ... OOOOHHHH-

 

    "Doyouwant- wecan-" You spoke hastily, very excited.

 

    Waited for his response from just that, because surely that was enough, you we _re soexcited...!!!_ You vibrated in place, unintentionally staring holes into his head with your intense, bright wide-eyed stare. You were a ball of bouncing, happy energy just waiting to be let loose. He watched you casually, in a relaxed 'huh, look at that' manner.

 

    "But first..." He started, after what felt like too long to you but probably wasn't that long. "You're going to finish what you started."

 

    You blinked.

 

    "Wat?" You asked jovially, seeking understanding.

 

    "You think you can get me that hard and I'm just going to forget about it?"

 

    You blinked several times. Confusion slowly etching into your face.

 

    "Wh-...???" You stared, confused, also flustered at the complimentary wording. "Isss that...?" A good idea? Was he really okay with that? He seemed _quite_ okay with it, but... "Are you...sure? And like, do you want me to jerk you off or- khhk-" You temporarily malfunctioned at your own phrasing. "...or go back to-..." You powered through more words, hoping he got the message.

 

    " _Just finish it, I can't wait._ "

 

    Ooooo,Kkay then. He wanted a good old jerkin'. Okay.

 

    "O-...okay then. I- I can do that."

 

    You could. Red-faced as you were from it, you could. He plopped back down on the bed, sprawled out, comf. There was work to be done to get him fully 'up to it' ffft, again, but you had many a thing in your arsenal.

 

    "You know, I never even got to the part where I tell you how much I love you. I love you, Vanitas," you lovey-goo-eyed-gushed at him, tracing patterns onto his inner thigh.

 

    He looked practically offended at it, which meant he was there in affect-floost town and was just covering it up. If it wasn't obvious from the way his face betrayed him anyway.

 

    "I love your beautiful face so much. I love everything about you."

 

    You nuzzled and kissed his lower stomach, running your hands along his outer thighs. Just to see what would happen, you went ahead and very boldly stuck your tongue into his navel.

 

    "GUHK," was the surprised noise you got, his entire body jerking.

 

    You nodded to yourself in satisfied approval. Damn, look at you, being bold. Now, you could have started 'helpin' 'im out' winkwinknudgenudge at any old time now, but quite frankly, you just wanted to see that you could make him rock hard without touching the area. _Then_ you would help out. ...jerkhimoff. You lovingly licked his nipple, sucked, just gave general care.

 

    You heard him mutter something under his breath that sounded distinctly like 'fuck.' You immediately rose to look at him in wonder. Had you gotten a ' _fuck_ ' _??_ From him?? That was magic, everything was magic. He glared at you through his affectedness (so **FUCKINGCUTE** ) as you stared at him in amazement and like he was the the most wonderful thing in the whole wide world. He was. So it made sense why you would look at him like that.

 

    His glare became stronger in impatience. Okay, you'd strung the poor guy along enough (FOR NOW, COUGH COUGH), he was hard now anyway, so... You ran a finger down the underside of his cock, so he didn't have to straight up tell you what to do. Because with how impatient he was, with how worked up he was, with everything you'd already put him through before, you understood that he _needed now_. And would have told that to your face in a possibly impolite way very, very shortly if you didn't take action yourself.

 

    You fully grabbed his cock in hand, trying to use as much precum for lube as you could, giving gentle strokes. Then you played with the head for a bit, palming his balls, just taking to time to pleasure him, try to get more of that natural lube. You knew you were gonna have to use saliva to really get things lubed up for a proper full handjob (mental note: buy lube), but you were taking your time.

 

    So you could sightsee. And listensee. Generally suck how his being was right now into your brain like the greedy sonofa you were with him. Because his breathing was erratic and fast, chest heaving, and there was effort of trying to hold in grunts and noises. But you still heard that shit. And his _face_. So scrunchy affected. Maybe it was all the effort he was having to put in to not fully fucking lose it and let go. Completely lose control.

 

    But damn, you wanted that shit.

 

    "I love you so much," you told him, voice quiet and reserved only for him, fully honest.

 

    Then you went in for the kill, using your mouth to thoroughly lube up his hot, throbbing cock. His voice broke fully once, crying out for you, and it blasted into your heart and soul and stayed there, right where it belonged. His hips did the fucky motions, and it made things harder, but that was okay. It also meant he was fully losing it.

 

    You pulled back, job done, knew you were going to have to shove your hand in your mouth, or _his_ , to get everything wet quickly while everything still stayed wet, get to it (as gross as it was, 'tis how it be). Because you wanted to _glide_ over him, really give him the proper send off. Really _have_ his cock in your hand to pump and do with as you pleased.

 

    Except.

 

    " _Don't stop_ ," he begged in a voice you didn't think you had ever heard from him.

 

    It struggled to get out of his vocals with how in it he was, which must have been why it came out sounding so open and honest and unplanned and _desperate_ and **_needy_**. _Needy for **you**_.

 

    Fuck your plans, you could do it another time. Maybe after you'd bought lube. You obeyed his words, didn't think you were capable of _not_. _When he asked like_ _THAT, SHIT._ You did everything you could with both your hands and your mouth, working around and with how _out of control_ he was ( _you made him_ ). You worked lovingly, radiating love, literally, at him.

 

    You sucked the very tip just a _bit_ (more than a bit, oops) harder than maybe you meant to in loving mode, but you lost control, and it made _him_ lose it _all the way_. He shot off into your mouth, and here you were again, trying to get all of it in there. _Fuckin'_ _raunchy, and fuckin' you couldn't help it_. It was _him_. **_Give you him_.** And when he  _lost control_ , you mean he  _lost control_.

 

    Completely un-held-back sound escaped from him in the form of his voice completely giving in to 'I'M FUCKING CUMMING IT FEELS SO GOOD' mode. The everything of it and what was generally just coming from him right then made you almost feel like cumming yourself. Holy fuck, it's just that powerful. He's just that powerful.

 

    He finished off, and you sat back to take a break and watch his beautiful post-bliss come down. He shuddered one more time, looked completely spent and out of it. Oh yes. You _relished_ this. Figuratively patted yourself on the back for a job well done, happy that he was happy. He looked so unguarded, pretty much asleep-...

 

    Did you-...? Did you achieve... _SLEEP_ levels of making him...? (Cum for you) You...he did that to you all the time, but... You were

 

    SO PROUD. THAT YOU ACHIEVED SUCH A HIGH LEVEL OF GIVING HIM THE GOODNESS. Mmmmmmmm... You sat back and basked in it. You practically glowed with it. An overly happy and content dog in their favorite bed.

 

    *Basking*

 

    But what did you do now? Well, anything you wanted, you supposed. While he had a good rest. You really hoped it was a good rest, he deserved to have it. It really seemed like it was. You focused in on him. ...Yeah, he seems genuinely content. Resting. Good. It made you so happy he was able to have that.

 

    You had a lot in your arsenal, you realized. Your arsenal of him being... _like_ _that_. You had that pic now too, that you brought out to stare at. While vividly replaying what _just_ happened. ... _uuuuug_. So much... _HIM_... _UG...AK..._

 

    Wait.

 

    Oh no.

 

    That's an **_idea_** brain, be careful. Presenting things like 'Hey, since you're so worked up over him, why don't you make and give _him_ that type of picture.' ...Oh, he had the camera. You got worked up over nothing. ...You realized you were actually considering doing it. ...DAMNIT, WHYDIDHEHAVETHECAMERA? YOUWEREHAVINGABOLDMOMENT. And you _certainly_ were not going to jerk it right next to him and ruin his peace.

 

    But you had the weirdest feeling of not wanting the feeling to go to waste. Like you wanted to _give_ it to him somehow. Like you wanted to save it all for _him_.

 

    ...

 

    That was WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much a thought to handle, oh god, here you go, _HYERK_.

 

    ...Yeah, you definitely needed to take care of this or you would go insane. You would just think about him while doing it. Yeah. That was fine.

 

    So away you went to lock yourself in the bathroom and give _yourself_ a good fucking in his name.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 200,000
> 
> I have no words (ironically). Just thank you all for your support. *gives you all more fluffy blankets* I hope you have a fantastic day, and if not, I hope it gets better. <3 You can do it, you wonderful people. Whatever 'it' is. Even if it's getting through the day/week/whatever. I believe in you. So does Sam. *Sam rolls around being adorable in support of you*
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/dreamfactory


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